Death Battle Fanon Wiki
Postal Dude
I regret nothing.
~ Postal Dude

The Postal Dude is the main character from the controversial Postal videogame franchise.

Fanon Wiki ideas so far[]

Battle Record[]

WARNING: The following tab will reveal the numbers of wins and losses for the following character. Read at your own risk.

Battle Record

  • Wins: 4
  • Losses: 1
  • Draws: 0

Possible Opponents[]


A man with a storied and rather dodgy history, he previously lived in an unknown, hidden backwater community where he was forced into homelessness and left to fend for himself. Driven mad by his loneliness and inability to cope with the world around him, he went on a murderous rampage throughout his town, believing that his city was under assault by a "madness plague".

He later moved to Paradise, Arizona (USA) after taking several years on his own to try and cope with his mental psychoses. Donning his trenchcoat and sunglasses, he set out for a new life and even became married to his wife (who was only known as The Bitch) and got a pet dog named Champ. He had moved to Paradise after being hired by a video game company named Running With Scissors, but unfortunately was fired on the first day of the job.

He then survived a hectic week doing menial daily chores, from bank runs to returning a book at the library, all while being assaulted by slowly unrealistic situations. He snapped quickly, and his cynical self burst forth as he grabbed the nearest weapon and opened fire. Surprisingly nonchalant about the chaos he was causing, he simply tried to go about his day while everyone in the city, including Al-qaeda terrorists and the entire US military and government, tried to murder him and the town he was in.

He later escaped Paradise with his dog, Champ, just before the city was destroyed by an atomic bomb. He glanced back at the carnage after the blast wave faded and the blinding light dimmed enough that he could see, and casually commented "I regret nothing" as he drove off.

Death Battle Info[]

Powers, Abilities and Weaponry:

The Postal Dude demonstrates some minor control of Telekinesis, able to pick up and throw objects from a distance, as well as a special piece of gear: his trenchcoat acts as a sort of "hammerspace" bag, allowing him to store an exorbitantly large amount of weapons, ammunition and supplies within it. He has adequate endurance and physical skills, able to hold his own in a fist fight and even being able to kick at a complete 90 degree angle, revealing surprising flexibility. He can take bullet wounds and even life threatening injuries without slowing or stopping, even surviving a gunshot to the head point blank, although he required time to recuperate after this, and showed some hallucinatory dispositions afterwards. He also shows an extremely odd ability to urinate at any time, and with such force that he can extinguish fires, even if he himself is immolated.

His weapon skills are extremely varied and somewhat environmental. The Postal Dude can make use of almost any weapon conceivable to the modern age, including melee weapons such as fireaxes, harvesting scythes, sledgehammers, knives, knuckledusters, a pair of ricocheting scissors, protester signs, chainsaws and more. For firearms, he has been seen using pistols, shotguns, automatic rifles and weapons, explosive firearms such as rocket launchers and grenades, flamethrowers, and even a crossbow.

The Postal Dude also shows surprising cunning and intellect, able to turn anything from a broken chair to a can of deodorant into a usable weapon, either by destroying it (such as in the former by chopping the chair with an axe and using the pieces of the chair as a weapon) or with simple logic (deodorant+zippo lighter=flamethrower!). He is occasionally seen wearing simple police vests, which can help save him from a few bullets but are generally useless against stabbing weapons.

Despite these benefits, The Postal Dude is still very much human, and can be killed like any regular human. He suffers from a pain reflex that has dulled over time due to his many violent encounters, but otherwise can still be shot and killed all the same.