Popeye vs. Spider-Ham is an episode of DEATH/James Battle a fanon series of DEATH BATTLE similar to James' own series Heroes vs. Heroes.
Description[]
Toonforce vs. Toonforce! Rubber-hose Cartoon vs. Marvel Comics! Human vs. Pig! Find out who will win in the this battle to the death!
Intro[]
Doctor Eggward: For years the world has enjoyed cartoony things.
James: Like dropping anvils on each other?
Doctor Eggward: There are a lot of characters who fit this description but we're only using 2 today.
James: Like Popeye the sailor man
Doctor Eggward: And Spider-Ham the andromorphic cartoony pig version of Spider-Man.
Doctor Eggward: I'm Doctor Eggward and he's James Playz Reviews and its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Popeye[]
James: Do we really have to discuss Popeye?
Doctor Eggward: I mean technically we don't and technically we do.
James: What do you mean?
Doctor Eggward: On one hand, the canon DEATH BATTLE already discussed Popeye so we don't really have to but on the other hand we have to get this section to 500 words or more so we do have to talk about him.
James: Alright fine.
Doctor Eggward: Anyway so on to Popeye the sailor man, what do you know about him James.
James: Well I know so far his entire family tree.
Doctor Eggward: Tell me about it.
James: Well Popeye has an ancestor named Caveman Popeye who discovered spinach and used it to defeat Caveman Bluto to get Caveman Olive Oyl back.
Doctor Eggward: Interesting.
James: Then Popeye had an unnamed great great grandfather who adopted a dragon and fought another ancestor of Bluto.
Doctor Eggward: Even more interesting.
James: Then Popeye has a great grandfather known as Patcheye, a ghost pirate who was a former master of the seven seas who was either killed by his own crew because of a treasure scandal or was tried by the law and hanged.
Doctor Eggward: Interesting
Doctor Eggward begins to write this all down.
James: He also has a grandmother named Butterfly Poopdeck.
Doctor Eggward: Anything to note about her?
James: Not much other than that she is a terrible cook yet loves to cook.
Doctor Eggward: Hmmm?
James: Then he has a father named Poopdeck Pappy, who abandoned Popeye when he was little because he was born incredibly ugly.
Doctor Eggward: Talk about going out to get the milk or in this case going out to get the spinach.
James: Then Popeye has a unnamed mother not much is known about her other than she raised him (in some stories) or he found her (in other stories)
Doctor Eggward: Well at least someone raised him.
James: Then he has a stepfather I forgot the name of who also raised him alongside his mother, who also told him to fight for good which is why he only beats up those who deserves it.
Doctor Eggward: Okay nice, we got something going here.
James: Then he has an aunt named Jones who is his maternal aunt.
Doctor Eggward: Okay some more family members aside from fathers and mothers and ancestors.
James: He has also has 4 quadruplet nephews named Pipeye, Peepeye, Poopeye, and Pupeye. Which implies that Popeye's mother or father at least gave him a sibling before or after the latter left. Most likely after.
Doctor Eggward: Hmm, interesting I bet this supposed sibling was never brought up.
James: Then there's Popeye's classic love interest Olive Oyl who in some stories even becomes his wife.
Doctor Eggward: Well no duh, the 2 are practically made for each other.
James: Then there's Popeye's 2 sons his adopted son Swee'Pea who can predict/see the future and Popeye Junior who is just liked his father.
Doctor Eggward: Interesting.
James: Then other than his in-laws that's all of his family.
Doctor Eggward: Got anything else interesting to note.
James: Well it appears that all family members either by marriage or by genetics all inherit Popeye's look meaning it's a dominant trait the only exceptions to the rule being his aunt, Olive, Swee'Pea, and Popeye Junior who only inherited the look of Popeye's arms.
Doctor Eggward: Well that's a bit strange and doesn't make sense but being that Popeye has toonforce and is a cartoon "making sense" isn't really a thing. I also noticed a pattern there with one version of Popeye ending up with a version of Olive Oyl and that being both of their ancestors which if you think about it gets weird. But on the other hand the ancestry also shows that Popeye's rivalry with Bluto is century's long 2 families that really hate each other.
Spider-Ham[]
Doctor Eggward: In the Multiverse and the Omniverse there are many super powered people whether heroes or villains but of course there is a time when those people become animals.
James: You're referring to Larval Earth, aren't you?
Doctor Eggward: Yes, in this strange section of the Marvel Multiverse there are many heroes and villains one of strangest being the Spectacular Spider-Ham!
James: Spider-Ham as Doctor Eggward and I are about to explain has many origins.
Doctor Eggward: His original origin from Earth-8311 had Spider-Ham start his origins as a humble spider named Peter with like regular Peter Parker/Spider-Man an aunt and uncle except for this Peter his aunt was named Ant May and Uncle Bee.
James: Real original puns there.
Doctor Eggward: I didn't create them, anyway Peter and his aunt and uncle lived in the basement of a scientist named May Porker and her husband Ben Porker, one day May created a radioactive hairdryer that she determined would "revolutionize the hair industry". However when it mixed with water the radiation spread on to May who in a fit of confusion and madness bit Peter turning him from a spider into a pig!
James: Yikes that must've hurt! The transformation looks painless but I have a feeling it wasn't.
Doctor Eggward: Dazed and confused, Peter ran from the Porker residence only to discover that while he still had the abilities he had as a spider he was no longer a spider, he was a pig.
James: Blah, blah, blah and he became Spider-Ham, may I tell my story now?
Doctor Eggward: Go ahead...
Doctor Eggward rolls his eyes in annoyance.
James: In an alternate universe in an alternate version of the story Eggward just told, during a show I grew up with, you may have heard of it. Ultimate Spider-Man also known on the Marvel wiki database as Earth-12041, on a universe known as Earth-Temporary Reality Number 456 or just Earth-TRN456, Peter Porker lived with his aunt May Porker. One day when she gave him pancakes she didn't suspect that a spider was in them and right when Peter was about to eat them the spider bit and apparently the nutrients in the pancakes combined with the spider bite gave Peter the spider's powers.
Doctor Eggward: I prefer the original origin, because at least it makes sense. A spider bite combined with nutrients isn't gonna give you powers but nevertheless let's move on. After becoming Spider-Ham, Peter now being a pig adopted the name Porker and began living with May and Ben as their nephew and May's mental stay was so reduced by the radiation she actually believe herself to be Peter's loving aunt. Ben on the other hand died like his comic book counterpart Ben Parker.
James: Uncle Ben always be dying, if only his death wasn't important.
Doctor Eggward: Well in the universes where Peter doesn't become Spider-Man, his death isn't important because it never happens to begin with and plus there are universe where Ben doesn't die.
James: Yeah I know about those.
Doctor Eggward: Mhm, well anyway on Spider-Ham's first adventure he met this world's version of Captain America known as Steven Mouser/Captain Americat.
James: Don't forget that same story is also the origin of Bruce Bunny/Hulk Bunny.
Doctor Eggward: Why is that so unnerving- anyway, sometime later Peter would meet his first arch nemesis in the form of Ducktor Doom an obvious Larval Earth parody in Doctor Doom.
James: I mean it's so obvious that even Captain Obvious could point out how obvious it is.
Doctor Eggward: Spider-Ham has also faced off against enemies such as Bullfrog (a possible parody on Leapfrog), Buzzard (a parody on Vulture), Hog-zilla (a parody on Godzilla), Kingpig (a parody on Kingpin), and Raven the Hunter (a parody on Kraven the Hunter).
James: Woah, wait a minute, Godzilla is a Marvel character? Since when?
Doctor Eggward: No, Godzilla is not a Marvel character otherwise Disney would be trying to make a deal with Universal again for the rights to Godzilla back, they just simply created a Larval Earth version of him that they own.
James: Oh... uh, right... I knew that.
Doctor Eggward: Porker was also featured in the Spider-Verse story quickly disguising himself as Mayday Parker's brother so the Inheritors wouldn't sacrifice him and win and he had a big but slightly small role within Secret Wars appearing to help defeat a version of Norman Osborn. There was also the time him and his universe's version of Gwen Stacy known as Penguin Stacy or her hero named Spider-Guin.
James: Ha! Get it... because... Gwen... Guin... so funny! Ha!
Doctor Eggward: Anyway, Peter and Guin teamed up with Earth-28204's Spider-Man, Parker Peterman to help defeat the Puppet Master who had stolen Peter's rogues gallery leaving him quite bored. Oh and get this Peter also has an extra power not from his human counterpart Peter Parker called Spider Nonsense.
James: Spider what?
Doctor Eggward: Spider nonsense is basically the Larval Earth word for toonforce where Peter can do things normal cartoons can do for example through anvils, hit people with mallets, have incalculable levels of strength, and can survive pretty much anything.
Pre-Fight[]
Doctor Eggward: Alright the combatants are set and we've put in a situation.
James: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTTTTTLLLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
DEATH BATTLE[]
Spider-Ham is walking down the road eating a hot dog.
Spider-Ham: This is delicious!
Suddenly a flier for spinach flies into his face.
Spider-Ham: Huh? What's this.
Spider-Ham sees the flier.
Spider-Ham: Spinach? Ew, gross!
Spider-Ham throws the flier away.
Nearby, Popeye hears this going on and goes up to Spider-Ham.
Popeye: Hey, how come you refused to eat your spinach.
Spider-Ham: I've got a perfectly good hot dog right here, I don't need spinach!
Popeye: But spinach is good for you and if you overthink it, you're kind of committing cannibalism here.
Spider-Ham: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!
Spider-Ham shoots a web and begins to swing away.
Popeye: OH NO YOU DON'T!!!
Popeye then pops open a can of spinach and consumes the spinach inside and begins to twist his body into a tornado and starts to fly after Spider-Ham.
Spider-Ham turns around.
Spider-Ham: Huh-
Before Spider-Ham can finish Popeye punches him across the street.
Spider-Ham: Alright, you wanna fight?! Let's fight!
Spider-Ham takes a mallet out of his suit and hits Popeye on the head with it
Popeye becomes dazed for a second but gets back on his feet and hits Spider-Ham who dodges it (thanks to spider sense) and throws an anvil on Popeye.
Popeye takes the anvil off right as Spider-Ham jumps to kick him in the face but Popeye blocks it and hits Spider-Ham square in the snout before hit Spider-Ham like a punching bag leading him to spiral out of control.
Spider-Ham takes out a bomb and uses his webs to slingshot it at Popeye.
Popeye ducks just in time causing a big explosion in the background covering the building behind them in ashes.
Popeye: Alright *mumbles to himself* looks likes this big palooka needs some extra Popeye charm.
Popeye starts to spin his hand
Spider-Ham takes his mallet and ties some dynamite to it using his webs.
Spider-Ham: Time for the big one!
The 2 charge up their attacks and launch at each other
The 2 collide and a big explosion take place, we then see Popeye next to a defeated Spider-ham who is now nothing but a squashed spider and a piece of ham.
Popeye then whistles his theme as he walks away
KO!
Result[]
James: BUT HOW!! SURELY SPIDER-HAM WAS TO WIN THIS ONE!!
Doctor Eggward: While Spider-Ham is a powerful Marvel hero with some added toonforce, his toonforce is nothing compared to Popeye's
James: I'm gonna need some convincing.
Doctor Eggward: While Spider-Ham thanks to his toonforce has survived a lot and is able to do impossible things like pull giant mallets, anvils, and things like dynamite out of suit as covered on canon DEATH BATTLE Popeye has done way more!
James: Also don't forget that most versions of Spider-Ham at least comics wise have been modernized so Spider-Ham is now just a regular anthropomorphic pig superhero but with some slight toonforce added in.
Doctor Eggward: And besides Popeye's spinach has made him nearly able to do anything, Spider-Ham would probably need to eat Popeye's spinach to beat him but then again Spider-Ham only eats hot dogs as far as we've seen.
James: Spider-Ham may have been a marvel but Popeye had the can do spinach!
Doctor Eggward: The winner is Popeye.
Comparison[]
Popeye[]
+Toonforce
+Strength
+Everything
+Spinach
+Toonforce
-Nearly matched by Spider-Ham
Spider-Ham[]
+Strength
+Speed
+Toonforce
-Not as strong as Popeye
-Does not have a spinach type power up