Popeye vs. Mighty Mouse is a What-If? Death Battle featuring Popeye from Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen the Popeye franchise and Mighty Mouse from the Mighty Mouse cartoons. This page was created by GalacticAttorney.
Description[]
Time for a TV duel! Classic OP cartoon icons from the 1900s put up their dukes! Will Popeye give Mighty Mouse a burial at sea, or will Mighty Mouse finally take the spotlight he's been waiting for?
Intro[]
Boomstick: Ah, the 1900s. Known for its crazy partying and multiple wars, it was an era of absurdity and absolute ridiculousness that spawned some pretty iconic characters.
Wiz: And your fair share of less-than-iconic ones. But these two are about to brawl for supremacy to see who the most OP cartoon character is: the iconic, or the obscure.
Edgeworth: These two seem like nothing out of the ordinary. What could possibly make them so powerful?
Morrigan: Edgeworth, dear, didn't you ever learn not to judge books by their covers?~
Edgeworth: ...Never call me "dear" again.
Papyrus: I SMELL A SHIP BREWING!
Boomstick: It's Popeye, the spinach-fueled sailor man...
Wiz: ...And Mighty Mouse, the rodent Superman.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick, and they're Miles Edgeworth, Papyrus, and Morrigan Aensland...
Wiz: ...And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE.
Popeye[]
Wiz: In 1919, a certain show called Thimble Theaters debuted in the King Features, playing host to a variety of different cartoon and characters, most of whom faded into obscurity given time. But there was one who would rise above the humble beginnings of the SatAM cartoons and become a pop culture legend.
Boomstick: Who was this famed character, you ask? Well, I'll just let his theme song to the talking for him:
Edgeworth: I won't lie, that tune is catchy.
Morrigan: What is with his voice? It sounds like a strangled parrot trying to sing opera.
Papyrus: HE'S A SAILOR MAN? HE CAN'T POSSIBLY DO MUCH OF ANYTHING, THEN!
Boomstick: Oh ho ho, just you wait, Papy. We'll prove you wrong in just a minute. But first, carry on, Wizard.
Wiz: Right. Anyway, when Popeye first hit screens in 1929, he shook the American public to its core. The people loved the whimsical sailor, and demanded that he be given more of his own personal spotlight. So, what did they do?
Boomstick: They said "Fuck it, give the guy a cameo in Betty Boop. It'll boost our ratings." Buncha money grubbers. But even just the one cameo made the audience crave for more Popeye action, and finally after decades of nothing but cameos...
Edgeworth: In the year 1960, Popeye the Sailor Man as its own cartoon show aired on television for the very first time. And after enjoying a couple of years of run time, Popeye became one of the most recognizable cartoon characters in America, spawning a number of spin-offs and movies in his wake.
Papyrus: BUT WHAT MADE POPEYE SO SPECIAL? WAS IT HIS GOOFY YET RELATABLE CHARACTER? WAS IT HOW HE SAVED THE DAY EVERY TIME IT NEEDED SAVING?
Morrigan: Perhaps. But it was most likely because of Popeye's own power, which is sometihng completely out of reason for a simple sailor. In fact, his achievements borderline on reality-breaking. No, scratch that, they ARE reality-breaking.
Wiz: That's right. Popeye's strength is insane, most likely because of the lack of scientific standards set for cartoons of his time. But no matter what the reason, nobody he's ever fought has been a match for this sailor's power.
Boomstick: Popeye has pulled the Grand Canyon back together with only a lasso, blew the sun out like it was a candle, and even punched his rival Bluto so hard that he broke through the flow of time and de-aged into a baby!
Papyrus: HE DOG-PADDLED AN ISLAND FROM THE OCEAN BACK TO SHORE, PARTED THE RED SEA WHEN GOD WAS TAKING TOO LONG, PUNCHED AN ENTIRE FLEET OF MARTIAN WARSHIPS BACK TO MARS, AND PUNCHED BLUTO INTO THE MOON WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO SHATTER MOST OF THE MOON, LEAVING ONLY A CRESCENT!
Edgeworth: While I'm sure we could go on for days about Popeye's feats, all of these pale in comparison to when he does the most powerful thing in his arsenal: Eating spinach.
Morrigan: This may seem like a children's lesson in eating your greens, but for Popeye these green vegetables are a godsend in times of need. Just take a look at this one scene in particular where he goes from getting his arse beaten to beating arse.
Boomstick: ...I'm suddenly motivated to eat right.
Wiz: Spinach takes Popeye to a whole new level of broken. Devouring a single can's worth can increase his intelligence to levels of being a master of any and all trades, shown during the time he became a twenty-man band by himself, was a master sculptor, expert magician, and a genius scientist.
Edgeworth: But most remarkable of all comes from what it does to his strength. He becomes immune to magic, able to punch bolts of lightning back at the gods who threw them and reflected spells with his bare knuckles. He can also resist mind control with this.
Papyrus: HE CAN EVEN COME BACK FROM THE DEAD WHEN HIS CORPSE IS FED SPINACH, OR EVEN REVIVE HIMSELF AFTER BEING ERASED FROM REALITY BY THE ANIMATOR!
Morrigan: Not even the laws of reality can bind Popeye. He once punched a lion so hard, it turned into a fur coat. But not just any fur coat: a LEOPARD skin coat. Not a LION skin coat, a LEOPARD one.
Wiz: Popeye has even bent water and smashes through solid barriers without effort on a regular basis. Plus, his iconic "Twister Punch" attack delivers a corkscrew strike so powerful it can turn scrap metal into fully functional toasters... Somehow.
Boomstick: Even the guy's pipe is overpowered! It can spin so fast it drills through wood, and it can even start wildfires! Popeye sounds invincible with all this strength!
Edgeworth: Well, you'll be disappointed to hear that he's nothing of the sort. Popeye isn't the brightest fighter, usually relying on brute force and strength to outmuscle an opponent. And he commonly falls for tricks that could have been set up by a third grader.
Morrigan: Not to mention that he is nothing more than an ordinary human being, meaning that outside of punching he doesn't have much to fight with. Plus, substantial beatings are enough to render Popeye unable to fight back or even knock him unconscious, although he can always bounce right back with a bite of spinach.
Papyrus: BUT EVEN WITH HIS HUMAN LIMITATIONS, POPEYE HAS FOUGHT OFF GIANT MONSTERS AND HIS RIVAL BLUTO COUNTLESS TIMES, ALWAYS SAVING THE DAY AND HIS LADYFRIEND OLIVE OYL!
Wiz: Popeye is the defenition of overpowered and strong, but he'll never use his power for evil. There's nothing that has ever proved too much for the sailor man of the ages.
Popeye: I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I'm strong to the finich 'cuz I eats me spinach, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. *toot toot*
Mighty Mouse[]
Wiz: A thousand blocks from the bustling city of Mouseopolis, in a desolate mousehole in a condemned building, a baby mouse was born to two loving parents. However, as the bulding began to be destroyed by a demolition crew, the mother and father decided it would be best to send the baby away in a flying carriage so he might live through what they would not.
Boomstick: After a long, boring flight, the baby landed in a tree belonging to a couple of squirrels, who raised the mouse as their own. They named him Mighty, and as he grew old he exhibited unnatural strength and abilities.
Edgeworth: And as if the obvious copyright infringement weren't enough at this point, when he was old enough Mighty left his adopted parents and got a job in a milk factory in the big city. And while he was there, he felt he could no longer ignore the cries of necessity from the people for a hero.
Papyrus: SO HE DONNED HIS COSTUME OF YELLOW AND RED AND CAME OUT TO THE PUBLIC AS... MIGHTY MOUSE!
Morrigan: Perhaps his small size is compensating for something...?~
Boomstick: ...Nyuugh... This guy reeks of Superman ripoff.
Wiz: Well, Mighty Mouse DID start out as a parody of the Man of Steel, but over the years he gained a series and personality all his own. Humble and brave, Mighty Mouse will leap into action no matter the risk if it means preservng what's right.
Edgeworth: In his day-to-day life, Mighty Mouse holds his job at the milk factory as Mike Mouse, employee of Pearl Pureheart - who happens to be his romantic interest as both Mike and Mighty Mouse. As such, he usually ends up saving her from some sort of danger.
Papyrus: OVER THE YEARS, MIGHTY MOUSE HAS SPAWNED SEVERAL DIFFERENT CARTOONS AND STORIES, SOMETIMES EVEN DONNING A DIFFERENT NAME SUCH AS SUPER MOUSE! AND AS WOULD BE THE STEREOTYPE FOR A SUPERHERO MOUSE, HE USUALLY HAS TO FIGHT OFF CATS IN HIS ADVENTURES!
Morrigan: Some of his more common enemies include Oil Can Harry, The Cow, Quacula, and Petey Pate. Surprise: half of them are cats. Big shocker.
Wiz: Although fighting off cats likely doesn't take a lot of effort, Mighty Mouse brings a whole new meaning to the word overkill in his powers. He is strong enough to punch meteors the size of buildings into dust, lift entire castles without breaking a sweat, and on one occasion lifted 11,111 tons with a single finger.
Boomstick: That's... oddly specific. But he's not just strong - he's crazy fast, too!
Wiz: In one of his earlier cartoon appearances, Mighty Mouse picked up a shack of cats and flew it into space and into a star in FIVE SECONDS. If we assume this star is the closest star to Earth aside from the Sun, this star must have been Proxima Centauri, which is 4.24 light years away. Travelling that kind of distance in a mere five seconds means Mighty Mouse was flying well over twenty-five thousand times faster than the speed of light.
Edgeworth: Aside from strength and speed, Mighty Mouse shows a degree of invulnerability. Hardly any form of attack is ever shown to hurt him at all, and only rarely does he even flinch from being struck. He can even take machine gun fire with total ease.
Papyrus: AND THEN THERE'S THE INSANE ABILITY POOL HE'S GAINED OVER HIS HALF A DECADE OF MEDIA TIME! HE CAN MANIPULATE METAL, CONTROL WATER AND FIRE, REDIRECT PROJECTILE ATTACKS WITH SOME SORT OF REPELLING FIELD, TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, USE HYPNOSIS SO STRONG IT MESMERISES DEMONS, USE HIS BREATH TO CREATE GALE-FORCE WINDS OR A FREEZING GUST, FIRE BEAMS OF HEAT FROM HIS EYES AND USE A FORM OF X-RAY VISION, USE SUPER-HEARING TO DETECT THE FAINTEST OF NOISES, AND EVEN MANIPULATE GRAVITY ITSELF! PLUS, HE HAS SHOWN TO USE A MAGIC SATCHEL LIKE DEADPOOL'S, PULLING GUNS AND SWORDS OUT OF SEEMINGLY NOWHERE!
Morrigan: And like his opponent, Mighty Mouse has been shown to be a heavy user of the Toonforce, breaking most laws of reality with his insane powers. He has twisted the length of a cannon into knots, grabbed the tail of a comet and tied it around the jaws of a giant mousetrap to pry it open, ripped a hole in space-time, thew Fort Knox, the American gold storage, like a boomerang, punched a Native American so hard he turned into a stack of pennies, and even punched a cat so hard that SIX souls came out of him instead of one.
Boomstick: But wait, there's more! He caught a mass of bullets in his hands and molded them into an explosive missile, reversed a 22-building domino effect with his hands, stopped time just by telling it to, and even swallowed bullets fired from a submachine gun and SPAT THEM BACK OUT AT AN EQUAL RATE! What the hell is this mouse MADE of!?
Wiz: But even that's not the end of it. Once, when the writer of the cartoon he was starring in refused to finish his body, he willed the rest of his body into existence. Yes, you heard me right. Mighty Mouse overruled the god of his medium.
Edgeworth: He even stopped an episode from ending with his sheer strength. What a mouse, indeed.
Papyrus: MIGHTY MOUSE HAS DONE SOME VERY IMPRESSIVE THINGS WITH ALL THIS POWER! HE DEFEATED THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE, WHICH WAS STRONG ENOUGH TO DESTROY ENTIRE GALAXIES, DRILLED THROUGH A MILE OF SOLID BEDROCK WITH HIS BARE FISTS, DEFEATED AN ENTIRE SHIP OF CAT PIRATES, HARMED AN OUTLAW WHO WAS SHOWN TO BE ABLE TO ENDURE TANK BLASTS AND AIR STRIKES WITH NO PROBLEM, PUNCH PEOPLE SO HARD THEY DO FOURTEEN MIDAIR BACKFLIPS, AND HAS EVEN BEEN ABLE TO BREATHE AND SPEAK IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE!
Morrigan: For all this immense strength, Mighty Mouse is hardly perfect. Sure, he might be nearly impossible to beat in a simple brawl, but he hardly ever uses his brain. He prefers to punch first and think later, and always fights fair. It's a wonder his opponents never took advantage of his morality and gullibility. He's even so dim-witted that he unwittingly snorted cocaine in one of his episodes.
Boomstick: And like any Superman wannabe, he has a single, dangerous item that will drain him and leave him near-death with mere exposure: limburger cheese.
Wiz: But through his shortcomings and flatheaded nature, Mighty Mouse is a true champion of justice. Few can hope to stand in the way of the rodent avenger. If he's not high on cocaine.
Mighty Mouse: Heeeeeere I come to save the daaaaaaaaaaaay!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
Edgeworth, Papyrus, Morrigan: IT'S TIME FOR...
Boomstick: A DEATH BATTLE!!!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Setting: The Ocean
Calm, gentle waves of blue lapped across the infinite reaches of the surrounding sea, fish and other aquatic life springing from the depths underneath. The animals flowing through the marine ecosystem intermingled beneath the waves as a small, simple ship drifted over the water. Mostly white with a blue paint job on the hull and lower exterior, the plain vessel sailed calmly over the ocean blue.
On the deck of the ship sat a lady in a plain dress with shades placed over her eyes as she tanned in the bright sunshine. Her name was Olive Oyl, and just a few meters behind her stood Popeye the Sailor Man, gleefully spinning the wheel of his watercraft and whistling his own melody.
Popeye: I’m Popeye the sailor maaaaan *toot toot*, I’m Popeye the sailor maaaaan *toot toot*...
Far below the bottom of the ship, a large blue whale swam through the deep calmly. However, to anyone who would have been there to feel it, its skin would have felt much more metallic than fleshy. Yes, this was a robotic whale swimming through the waters of the ocean. And in the pilot seat deep within its mechanical belly sat Popeye’s nemesis, Bluto. Peering at his enemy’s craft through a periscope that spanned the depth of the ocean, his eyes snagged on Olive Oyl on the deck and his mind kicked into gear. The corners of his lips twisted up into an evil grin, the inner workings of his mind feeding him a plan.
Bluto: Oh ho ho, this is it! Th’ time to get th’ lady is now!
Retracting the periscope, Bluto’s feet slammed onto the pedals of the disguised vessel, sending his mechanized beast up toward the underbelly of Popeye’s ship. As it surged upwards, the water around the innocent boat bubbled and rippled. Olive Oyl took notice and peeked over the railing of the ship.
Olive Oyl: Uhh, Popeye…?
Hearing Olive call his name, the sailor man stepped down from the wheel of the ship and walked across the deck towards her.
Popeye: Wha’sa matter, me sweet pea?
Olive Oyl opened her mouth to reply, but all that was heard from her was a sudden, piercing scream of fright as the nose of Bluto’s submarine rammed into Popeye’s ship from underneath.
Popeye: Hol-ee sweet potaytas!
Up into the air flew the little sailing ship, its two passengers consequently forced to become airborne. Popeye’s beefy arms flailed for something to hold fast to; his fingers vainly grasping nothing but empty air. He could do nothing as he careened downward towards the upturned body of his ship, watching powerlessly while Olive Oyl was snatched from the sky by a mechanical hand that traced back to Bluto’s mech whale.
Bluto: Got ya this time, eh, Popeye! S’long, bucko!
Bluto waved tauntingly at his eternal enemy as he retracted his catch into the submarine’s interior; said catch wriggled and fought against her captor as she was pulled in.
Olive Oyl: AHHH! POPEYE! HELP MEEEE-!
Her cries were cut off as Bluto yanked her inside his aquatic vehicle, sequentially slamming the lid closed and piloting it away, deserting a Popeye who was fuming with anger. His pipe was even spewing steam, and his hat twirled over his head as his face became swallowed in a deep shade of red.
Popeye: That weaslin’, stinkin’, no-good mamaluke… Wait’ll I get my hands on ‘im…!
The famed sailor rolled back his sleeves and plunged his hands into the water, paddling the overturned boat through the reflecting pool of the ocean. Despite his efforts, it seemed as though Bluto was going to escape him this time. Ire conning him into trying harder, Popeye grunted and stabbed the tips of his fingers into the water at an even faster rate.
However, before he could gain much extra steam, there was a grand shout from high above Popeye that rang a loud cry over the salty ocean air.
???: HEEEERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAAAAAAY!
(Cue Mighty Mouse The New Adventures Theme Song)
Popeye lent a hand to his ear as the wave of sound flooded his eardrums, turning his eyes up to the sky.
Popeye: Eh, whazzis?
From far above the stranded sailor man, a red and yellow blur streaked across the sky like a tiny comet. This was, in fact, Mighty Mouse, and he had heard Olive Oyl’s screaming for help. So, true to his nature, here he was to save the day.
Mighty Mouse: That fellow down there thinks he’s awfully smart in his robo-whale, does he? Well, let’s put a damper on his spirits with a hole in his sails!
Soaring down from the clouds, the mouse of tomorrow extended a small fist as he directed his line of flight straight toward Bluto’s craft. As soon as he was within range, Mighty Mouse’s deceptively tough body tore into the mechanized fish, and it exploded in a flash of bright red and orange. Metal scraps, gears, and screws of all kinds rained from the explosion. Along with the wreckage fell Bluto, holding a disattached steering wheel in one hand and Olive Oyl over his shoulder in the other, the latter still flailing and hurling insults at her captor.
As Olive Oyl’s powerless fists pummeled Bluto’s shoulder in midair, Mighty Mouse flew around them at a blazing speed.
Bluto: Wha’s this now?
Defying what you, reader, would call simple logic, the red streak Mighty Mouse’s cape trailed behind him became a solid object and roped around Bluto’s beefy body several times. Then Mighty Mouse whipped around and flew at Bluto’s face, the streak pulling him in.
Mighty Mouse: This should teach you to kidnap dames off a boat!
In a blur much too swift for the human eye to detect, Mighty Mouse rained blow after blow on Bluto, socking the sides of his face in an absolute blur. Then, after Bluto was stunned and seeing stars from the giant impact of the strikes, Mighty Mouse wound up and delivered a solid right hook to the center of his face, sending the evil sailor rocketing into the distance.
Olive Oyl flew up in the air as she was released from his grasp, and the heroic mouse flew underneath her and soundly caught her in his tiny arms.
Mighty Mouse: Are you alright, miss?
In response to his question, Olive threw her arms around him and proclaimed her thanks to him. Unnoticed by either of them, though, Popeye’s skin blazed a bright red and his pipe spewed fire, anger coursing through the sailor man. This little rat had just swooped in and stolen his spotlight! No way was he about to let him get away with that. He swung an accusing finger at Mighty Mouse as soon as he had set down Olive Oyl.
Popeye: ‘Ey, pipsqueak, wha’s the big idea wif comin’ in an’ takin’ me thunda?
Confused, Mighty Mouse turned and faced Popeye on the overturned underbelly of the destroyed mech whale. A perplexed arch appeared in his eyebrows.
Mighty Mouse: Why, it’s what I do as a superhero, of course! Help those in danger! Isn’t it a bit selfish to hog the spotlight for yourself?
(Cue Decisive Battle (Final Fantasy VI) - GaMetal)
That really got Popeye to steaming mad. He beat his knuckles together challengingly. This little costumed freakazoid was going to eat those words, one way or another. He rolled up his sleeves and twirled his pipe in his lips.
Popeye: Hog th’ spotlight!? A’ight, tha’s it, ya palooka, yer goin’ down!
Sensing the incoming brawl that was about to ensue, Mighty Mouse sighed and cracked his knuckles. No way was he about to lose here.
Mighty Mouse: Alright then, you big bully… If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get from me!
FIGHT![]
Popeye lunged forward and swung his fist toward his opponent. Reacting to the attack, Mighty Mouse ducked under it thanks to his small stature and raced in, delivering a seamless flow of punches to Popeye’s gut that sent the sailor reeling backwards.
Popeye: Oof!
Readjusting his hat and pipe, Popeye steeled himself. This fight wouldn’t be an easy one, he could already tell that much. Dashing in at a surprising speed, he caught Mighty Mouse off his guard and punched him square in the chest, then up into the jaw, then finally knocked him to the floor with a downward swing of his fist. The small superhero crashed through the floating mass of metal and into the saltwater below it.
Racing back up and around the platform, Mighty Mouse floated in place as he raised his hands over his head. The ocean beneath stirred, and the water erupted into the air, under the control of Mighty Mouse.
Popeye: Whaaaa…?
Before Popeye could try to comprehend this strange ability, Mighty Mouse directed the water at him and the current surged forward, slamming into Popeye with the force of ten riot control fire hoses. Saltwater poured into his open mouth and he shot like a rocket into the sky and over the blue sea. Mighty Mouse followed the jet of water, and soon Popeye landed back-first on the beach of an island not too far from the whale wreck.
The stream of water still pressed against him, but Popeye reached up and grabbed the flow of the sea, bending it around and away from him. He successfully bent it around and the water jetted out towards Mighty Mouse now.
Mighty Mouse: Great Sco-
The stream of water slammed into Mighty Mouse now, repelling him from the sandy ground of the beach. Popeye stood up and dusted himself off, wrenching water from his soaked sailor’s uniform, before spinning his pipe in his mouth and leaping up towards his enemy. The cork pipe drilled against Mighty Mouse’s chest, dealing damage as Popeye sucked in a deep breath.
With a great exhale, a torrent of flame erupted from the pipe, engulfing Mighty Mouse in its scorching temperatures. His costume became singed a bit on the edges, and he coughed frustratedly as he tried to breathe. Popeye grabbed the curling black edge of Mighty Mouse’s cape and whirled him back towards the island before grabbing his own forearm and twisting it up like a screw.
Popeye: One Twista Punch, comin’ up!
When his arm was at its elastic maximum, Popeye delivered a solid Twister Punch to Mighty Mouse’s back, spinning him in a rapid circle in midair along with the devastating blow. They slammed into the beach, a great cloud of sand flying up upon impact. Popeye jumped away, clear of the dust, and waited for his opponent to reemerge.
Coughing came from within the puff of sand, and then there was a deep inhale just before the sand blew out in all directions as Mighty Mouse used his super breath to clear the cloud. He dusted off the sleeves of his costume and flew back in. Popeye raised his arms in front of his face to block the incoming strike, and Mighty Mouse's knuckles smashed against his built forearms. Then, unexpectedly, Mighty Mouse pried his arms apart and stared into his eyes, using his hypnosis abilities.
Mighty Mouse: You are now under my control... You will punch yourself repeatedly in the face!
Mighty Mouse darted away from Popeye's face as the latter's eyes turned to black and white swirls. He raised his fists and crashed them into his own head, knocking himself backwards until he hit the trunk of a coconut tree. A single brown fruit fell from the leaves and bounced off Popeye's head, snapping him out of his trance.
Popeye: D'ooh... I ain't feelin' so swell...
Before Popeye could possibly react, Mighty Mouse flew back in and whirled in circles around him, ensnaring him tightly in his cape's red streak. He flew up into the air, carrying the sailor like an air-lift, and brought him up to his level in midair. Then he reared up, and with great force punched Popeye directly in the chest.
(Cue Deoxys (Pokémon) - GaMetal)
The intense strike shattered the ropelike streak Popeye was bound in, and he soared through the sky towards a volcano in the middle of the island. Gaining control of his momentum in the air after a brief timeframe of helpless flight, Popeye snatched a bundle of coconuts out of the grasp of a tree as he flew past it. He loaded each spherical object into his pipe and fired them at the approaching Mighty Mouse, the brown nuts soaring toward the rodent at an alarming rate.
Unfazed by the projectiles, Mighty Mouse smashed the first one to shards with his fist, coconut milk exploding from the break. He did the same thing to the second incoming coconut, then instead of striking the rest he gusted out another powerful wind from his lungs. The wind carried the flying coconuts back toward Popeye, who simply punched them back toward Mighty Mouse. Unrelenting in the wind he expelled from his lips, Mighty Mouse kept up the gale-force breath, and Popeye kept on punching the incoming coconuts, thus creating a stalemate between the projectiles.
Popeye was about to punch the coconuts back toward his enemy again when he crashed into the outer wall of the volcano he had been soaring towards this whole time, splintering the rocky exterior with his impact.
Popeye: Oof! Tha' one stung...
He went to pry himself free of the rock, but the coconuts barraged into him, hammering him only deeper into the stone. Immediately after the final coconut had struck, Mighty Mouse stopped his super-breath and extended his left fist, careening into Popeye's chest and sending the both of them through the wall of the volcano.
Mighty Mouse: Take that!
They tumbled into the wide inner cave of the volcano, landing on a solid strip of rock that bridged both sides of the inside of the geological formation. Far below them, lava boiled, bubbles of the risen magma bursting and flecking the walls of its prison with its own scorching self.
Popeye rose at the same time Mighty Mouse did, and they locked eyes. They stared each other down fiercely, waiting for one of them to make the first move.
Then Popeye grasped his own face at a strange angle and did a funny face, taunting his opponent into coming closer.
Popeye: Nyah nyah! Ya can' catch me, ya cheese-gobbla'!
Mighty Mouse's blood boiled at the taunt.
Mighty Mouse: Why, you...!
Exploding off the ground at an astonishing speed, Mighty Mouse went for a brutal punch to Popeye's jaw. The sailor man evaded the attack, however, and grabbed the Mouse of Tomorrow's small leg. He grinned smugly, and Mighty Mouse's expression fell.
Mighty Mouse: ...Uh... oh...
Swinging his snared opponent around like a ragdoll, Popeye threw him down against the sturdy outcrop of rock they stood on. Cracks shot out from the points of impact as Mighty Mouse was slammed on one side, then the other, then the other side again, and so on and so forth. Finally, Popeye slammed him down with enough force to shatter the bridge of stone, and they began to fall. Popeye pinned his foe underneath his right shoe, and Mighty Mouse cried out in protest as they fell.
Mighty Mouse: You're crazy! We'll destroy the island!
Popeye grinned and took a puff of his pipe.
Popeye: If it means gettin' ya outta me way!
Mighty Mouse cried out in fright as Popeye stomped him into the surface of the lava pool. To avoid getting fried himself, Popeye leaped to an outcropping of rock not too far from him. Much to his surprise, however, his sacrifice to the mouth of the volcano had agitated the lava too much to be contained, and it began to boil like crazy. His face fell.
Popeye: ...Ah, fish crackas...
The mountain erupted in a magnificent spray of lava, sending a plume of ash and smoke sky high. Popeye surfed on the piece of rock that he had jumped to down the flow of the explosion, laughing victoriously. However, he suddenly yelped in surprise when the entire plume of lava froze mid-eruption, stopping his surfing rock in the ice. The momentum carried him off of it and he tumbled down the side face of the mountain.
When Popeye recovered at the very foot of the volcano, he looked up at the somehow frozen lava. Out of nowhere, a laser beam sliced the entire frozen plume from the mountain, and the still-living Mighty Mouse held it over his head as his super-vision spotted Popeye below.
Mighty Mouse: Fine then! If that's how you want this to be... the kid gloves are coming off!
Angrily he hurled the chunk of frozen magma down at his opponent. Popeye grimaced and shot upward towards it, cocking his fist back to strike the chunk of ice.
However, Mighty Mouse flew down by him in midair and spat a small ray of laser vision into his face, foiling his swing.
Popeye: Aghh!
Popeye's hands uncurled from their fists and covered his burning face just as the massive body of ice came crashing down on top of him. Mighty Mouse darted out of harm's way, and with a deafening boom the body of frozen magma slammed onto the island beneath it, tremors racing through the ground and the foliage. Clapping his hands together as if he had just cleaned erasers, Mighty Mouse smiled and turned away.
Mighty Mouse: Some chump you turned out to be!
The sound of shattering ice behind him, however, caused Mighty Mouse to turn back around. There stood Popeye, seeming only a bit beat up despite the punishment both of them had been delivering to one another. The sailor smirked and reached into his pocket.
Popeye: Weren't too bad a' go, Mistah Mouse. But I's gonna end this here an' now!
From his pocket he produced a can that was plainly titled 'Spinach' in big white letters on a red label. Mighty Mouse folded his arms confusedly.
Mighty Mouse: What is he doing...?
Ripping the tin lid off dismissively, Popeye turned the can bottoms-up and dumped the green leaves into his open gullet. His jaw slammed shut around the vegetable, and he chewed it quickly.
(Cue Final Boss (Ronald McDonald's Treasure Land Adventure) - GaMetal)
The moment he swallowed the green food, muscle seemed to swell and grow within his body, coursing through him at an alarming rate. Popeye laughed and leaped up in the air at Mighty Mouse.
Popeye: Hah hah hah! Yer done for, ya li'l mamaluke!
Mighty Mouse reacted to his incoming foe with another mighty gust of wind from his lungs. However, Popeye clapped his hands together and held them over his head, spinning like a drill and darting right through the wind. The tips of his fingers smashed into Mighty Mouse's chest, and he shot him further into the air like a rocket. Then, grabbing him by the arms in midair, he released another torrent of flames from his pipe, charring Mighty Mouse's suit further. After he ran out of breath puffing fire from his pipe, he clasped his hands together and swung them down, sending Mighty Mouse flying to the ground below with a great spray of dirt and trees as he crash-landed.
Popeye: How'd ya like that? Hah hah!
Shaken, Mighty Mouse slowly stood from the crater his impact had caused in the dirt. He looked up as Popeye descended from the sky above.
Mighty Mouse: Impossible...! His attacks feel thousands of times stronger than before!
Popeye grinned and flexed his enlarged biceps, chomping the length of his pipe in his teeth.
Popeye: Tha's tha powah of spinach! Ya eat rite and ya fite rite!
Mighty Mouse bellowed in effort and shot another laser from his eyes. Popeye's spinach upgrade miraculously let him punch the beam back at him, however, and Mighty Mouse cried in sharp pain as his own laser burned into his stomach. He growled again and darted forward, trying to hypnotise him again, but it was fruitless. Popeye simply laughed and began a torrent of punches, slamming into Mighty Mouse at a speed the rodent avenger could barely comprehend.
Now Popeye grabbed Mighty Mouse out of the flow of strikes and headbutted him directly in the forehead, stunning him effectively. He levitated in midair, clutching his head as stars comically circled his head. Popeye chuckled and threw back his clenched fist, his arm stretching out for nearly a mile's worth in length.
Popeye: One mor' gazooka t' dispatch!
Mighty Mouse snapped out of his confusion just in time to see Popeye's knuckles rocket into his face. Massive shockwaves flew out from the epicenter of the punch, and Mighty Mouse went flying into the sky, yelling out as he careened into the distance. Popeye took another puff of his pipe and watched his foe fly off.
Popeye: An' he's outta tha' park!
He belted another one of his iconic laughs as he turned and began walking away, assuming he was victorious.
(Stop Music)
~
Setting: Space
(Cue Dancing Mad (Final Fantasy VI) - GaMetal )
Mighty Mouse blinked out of his momentary stun and looked down at planet Earth. He felt a warm trickle coming from his lip and he touched the spot, his hand showing blood when he pulled it away. Wiping the trail of blood from his chin, he took in a deep breath (despite being in space) and thought.
Eating the spinach had made Popeye seemingly all-powerful. His attacks all felt ridiculously stronger and he moved at speeds even Mighty Mouse was having trouble keeping up with... It was time to stop messing around. He'd finally found someone worthy of his full, unbridled potential.
Turning to the moon that was to his right, Mighty Mouse rocketed towards it. He bashed his right fist into it and broke off a massive chunk of it, leaving only a crescent to orbit the planet. He pressed his hands against the front of the broken piece and pushed with all his might, aiming to bring it down on the island Popeye still stood on. As he reentered Earth's atmosphere with his new weapon in tow, a burning aura surrounded the broken moon and Mighty Mouse, the splintered face facing towards the island. Mighty Mouse pushed harder against it, the makeshift meteor picking up speed.
~
Setting: Island
A rumbling from overhead caught Popeye's cautious ear, and just as it did this a shadow fell over him and the landscape around him. He slowly turned and looked to the sky, and his eyes beholded a massive meteor falling straight towards him, enveloped in fire.
Popeye: ...I's gonna need anudda can 'a spinach...
Popeye quickly downed another can of spinach, and he felt even greater strength pumping through him. He sprinted up to the mouth of the volcano he had done battle with Mighty Mouse in just minutes before, and he raised his hands high just as the moon came down, looming over the island massively. He braced himself and caught it soundly, pushing against it with his ehnanced strength. Beneath him, the rock crumbled and began to gave way, slowly causing him to slide down the edge of the mountain and towards the ground.
Mighty Mouse and Popeye both grunted in effort from opposite sides of the massive rock, both exerting massive amounts of their strength into making the moon go one way or the other. After a few brutal seconds of maximum effort, Mighty Mouse and Popeye both realized that they must have been pushing on the moon against each other, and simultaneously growled at the thought of the other cancelling out his efforts. Mighty Mouse put his palms together and drilled into the moon, and Popeye spun his pipe fast enough to bore into its core.
After a moment of drilling, the moon fell onto the island, effectively crushing the entire landmass. Trees, mountain, animals; everything was flattened into a pancake under the moon's enormous weight. It was at this exact same time that Mighty Mouse and Popeye met within the chunk of heavenly body. There was an eerie silence save for ocean waves lapping the surface of the moon for the first time.
Then, suddenly, the moon shuddered as a massive strike was delivered from within. The water around it rippled immensely, and continued to do so as more tremors were sent from within. A fierce battle was in progress inside the moon's core...
Out of nowhere, the surface of the moon began to splinter and fragment. Small chunks of moon rock slipped from its body and plunged into the ocean below it, the blue waves swallowing it up. Another tremor shook it even looser, and the entire thing threatened to come apart.
With a deafening, ear-splitting explosion of power, the moon ruptured and exploded as a massive punch was traded between the two combatants within, sending shards of moon the size of buildings raining from the sky. Water surged back onto the flattened island, and high above it the two fighters were locked in a fierce struggle.
Mighty Mouse had a trail of blood sliding through his black fur on his forehead, and his normally calm eyes were ablaze with anger. Popeye seneed to have a broken nose, but his eyes shone with equal intensity as he hopped from moon rock to moon rock, dodging savage eye lasers fired from Mighty Mouse. Gaining a solid foothold, Popeye kicked one of the midair moon chunks towards his foe.
Popeye: Giv' 'er up! Ya can't win agains' Popeye the Sailor Man!
Mighty Mouse swatted the falling chunk of moon rock away from him, seething with justified anger. He'd already done so much to win this fight. He'd deatroyed a volcano, an island, hundreds of innocent animals' lives on said island... And now, the moon itself. Yet it still wasn't enough to put this stubborn man out of commission. And all this arrogant combatant was concerned with was beating him...?
His ignorance for what they'd destroyed was a generator for Mighty Mouse's righteous fury, and in an absolute blur he tackled Popeye out of the air, soaring towards the ground with him underneath his body. He grabbed Popeye's chin and slammed his forehead against the sailor's nose, stunning him. Then, he began a waterfall of attacks, storming punches, kicks, headbutts, and even laser blasts from his eyes.
Mighty Mouse: YOU FIGHT ONLY FOR YOURSELF!
After his onslaught of attacks had met quota, Mighty Mouse reached behind him and came up with a massive blunderbuss he'd fished out of his magic satchel. He trained its mouth directly on Popeye's head.
Mighty Mouse: I FIGHT FOR ALL LIVING THINGS!
The rodent avenger pulled the trigger, and a lead round the size of a wrecking ball erupted from the nozzle of the gun. It slammed into Popeye with incredible power and carried him underneath it straight into the flat ground, leaving a small crater upon impact. Mighty Mouse touched down next to it, folding his arms crossly as he tossed the blunderbuss aside.
Mighty Mouse: And THAT is why I am going to defeat you!
The blunderbuss round was shoved off, and a battered and bruised Popeye emerged from the dent in the soil. He had a black eye now, and his nose looked even more broken, but he still held a look of fierce grit.
Popeye: ...Fella... Ya jus' signed yer death warran'.
That spoken, Mighty Mouse and Popeye both charged at each other, roaring in ire as they slammed their fists into each other's jaw. Shockwaves flew out again with the amazing power behind their fists, and now they traded a blow to each other's chest. Then one to the shoulder. The air rippled with intensity as the miniature war raged on.
Kicking Popeye away briefly, Mighty Mouse raised his hands and concentrated on an object in Popeye's sailor uniform. From the fold of his shirt, an anchor emerged, being controlled by Mighty Mouse's mind. Popeye looked up just in time for the anchor to swing around in a full 360 degree rotation and bash into his skull. Popeye cried out and went flying, slamming to the dusty ground below. Mighty Mouse blazed over quickly, leaving a trail of fire in his footsteps, and grabbed Popeye by the scruff of his shirt before headbutting him again. Popeye responded by kicking against Mighty Mouse's chest, freeing himself from his grip.
Mighty Mouse looked around for something to use in the final stretch of their battle. He saw that the fire he'd trailed behind him by moving at such an insane speed was spreading over the dead plants of the island, and he raised his hands again. The flames leaped to his command and poured at Popeye, who blasted a flame from his pipe to answer. The flames combated each other for a moment or two before erupting into a shower of fire, lighting the rest of the ground below Mighty Mouse and Popeye's feet ablaze.
Popeye yelped as fire licked his shoes, and he looked down to step away from the greedy embers. That was a mistake, and Mighty Mouse capitalized hard as he flew in, grabbed the sailor by the neck, and flew high into the air, miles and miles above the island. Then, he flew back down with Popeye outstretched.
Mighty Mouse: THIS... IS... FINISHED!
Dust and dirt exploded into the sky as Popeye's body was slammed into the flat island. As the dust that was kicked up settled, Popeye weakly stood, gasping and panting for air. Mighty Mouse on the other hand remained in the sky, preparing to execute a plan he'd cooked up. He rocketed back into space and began to circle the Earth rapidly, a trail of red and yellow following him as he flew. Then, just as he was about to put his plan into motion, a conversation that he'd had with his young friend, Scrappy, echoed in his head.
Scrappy: But, Mighty Mouse, how do we go back in time after doing that?
Mighty Mouse: Simple... You throw it in reverse!
Mighty Mouse suddenly broke from his chain of loops and flew in the opposite direction. Ture to his own, unique laws of reality, he shredded into the fabric of space and time, disappearing into the timestream.
~
Setting: Space-Time Continuum
Mighty Mouse soared through the time-space continuum, turning his head to look at the time periods as he passed them by. His blood siezed itself in his veins as he saw his own life going by. He saw his parents loading him into the rocket shuttle and launching him to safety as their building was knocked down by a wrecking crew... His heart sat in his throat as he forced himself to look away. He saw his first steps as a baby mouse with his squirrel parents, and that brought a smile back to his lips. Looking around him, he realized there was even more of history passing him right by. Why, he could even see great historical moments as he flew past.
His cape fluttered next to a scene from the conflicts of the Vietnam War for a moment before he left it behind. There went the United Forces storming the beaches of Normandy in World War II. An image of the Battle of Arras during World War I flashed past his ears.
Mighty Mouse steeled himself as he rocketed past these gruesome times. Horrific and dark was the human past. War-torn and strewn with turmoil and violence… The battle he was endeavoring to end was no different from this streak of conflict. The rodent of tomorrow allowed a sigh to escape his lips. Could he do this? Could he stoop down to the level of an ancient primate and take a life simply to preserve his own?
Then he replayed the last few bits of his battle against Popeye in his head. That spinach… It had transformed Popeye into a monster beyond Mighty Mouse’s imaginations. His punches had gone from soft pillows to freight trains, and his speed had gone from a leisurely jog to a fighter jet screaming past him. Everything about his opponent went from 0 to 100 with a bite of that vegetable.
Mighty Mouse came to the grim conclusion that if he wanted to win this fight, what he was planning needed to be done. No matter what consequences he might have to face as a result; the butterfly effect and its relevance to this matter were well present within his consciousness.
Further still he careened back in time, his eyes presented with little movies of the first humans walking the surface of the Earth. Back a little further was the ice age, and just beyond that he found the dinosaurs and their rule over what in hundreds of thousands of centuries he and the rest of civilization would call home. Eventually, after what seemed like infinitude of flying through the flow of time itself, living creatures ceased to appear to him. All he could see was…
Plants. There. Breaking from his straight charge down the tunnel of time, Mighty Mouse barreled into the Ordovician period, well over 400 million years in the past.
An eerie silence hung over the greening world around him. Overhead of the sprouting plants he flew, searching for one in particular. His red cape flapping behind him was the only sound heard for miles.
Finally after some time of searching, Mighty Mouse touched down next to what he knew was what he had come here for. He folded his arms firmly and looked at the sprout before him. Silently, a war raged in his mind. Should he really go this far to win one battle?
Mighty Mouse: …
His fist closed around the stem. Win one battle with great flourish, and you can win all battles before you, he had once read somewhere.
Mighty Mouse: Here goes everything…!
With a great jerk, Mighty Mouse ripped the plant from its soil-coated home. Almost immediately, deprived of nutrients it needed to survive, it died in the harsh cold of the time period. Mighty Mouse ground it up into nothing more than a mass of green in his palms. And as he dropped the remains of it to the ground where it had once rested.
Hastily, he recovered his footprints from standing there and refilled the hole the roots had left. He prayed that the effects of this wouldn’t be too severe… Other than what he had intended. He knew, though, that there would surely be some other side effect.
Well, what else can one expect when they’ve just killed the first spinach plant?
~
Setting: Present Time
(Cue Id - Purpose (Fire Emblem) - GaMetal )
Popeye, still standing on pancaked island they’d been waging their battle on, suddenly felt faint. He looked down at his arms and muscles as they shriveled up, completely deprived of power. He couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening, but all he knew was that he suddenly felt very weak and very tired. A bright flash next to him signaled his enemy’s return, and he turned to face the mouse, looking droopy.
Popeye: Wha… Wha’d you do t’ me…?
Mighty Mouse’s arms were folded over his chest again as he boldly spoke to his drained foe.
Mighty Mouse: I went back in time and destroyed the very first spinach plant! Now you’re powerless, buster!
Popeye growled angrily. He killed spinach? He’d make this mouse bleed for that… If he could. Unfortunately, along with spinach, his immense power had gone out the door as well, and the punch he now threw daintily thumped against Mighty Mouse’s chest like a soft ball.
Mighty Mouse: You’re nothing more than an ordinary human now! Get ready to taste my fury!
Unbridling the huge stockpile of compressed rage he’d built up over their fight, Mighty Mouse reared up and crashed his clenched fist into Popeye’s chin. The shockwaves generated from the force of the strike sent shockwaves rippling through the flat leaves of the nearby crushed palm trees as Popeye flew into the air. The punch felt infinitely stronger than it had before.
In a seemingly omnidirectional blur, Mighty Mouse rained in blows on the powerless Popeye. Strike after strike after strike crashed into his body, leaving bruises and marks on his skin. From inside his body, he could feel a large majority of his bones shattering into fragmented marrow. Popeye closed his eyes. This was it, then. After all the danger he’d braved and adventures he’d had, he was to die by mouse. What a cruel twist of fate.
Mighty Mouse flew up after him and grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. Tauntingly he yanked Popeye's pipe from his lips and smashed it to splinters in his fist. He clenched his fist further and then even the shards were nothing more than a fine powder that leaked from between his tiny fingers.
Mighty Mouse: You've caused me more than enough turmoil and stress, sailor. I had to sacrifice the moon and a species of vegitation to defeat you. I think it's a perfect time to pay your dues. Now, to finish you off!
Rocketing upwards, Mighty Mouse delivered another crushing strike to Popeye’s face. Then another. Then yet another, and another; each punch hitting with the force of a shooting star. Spots drifted in the sailor’s vision and what was left of his strength began to ebb away as they breached the Earth’s atmosphere. Overhead, the crescent of the moon glowed faintly as it reflected the sun’s rays.
In the zero gravity, Mighty Mouse released Popeye for a split second before spinning circles around his head. Just as it had with Bluto before the battle had even commenced, the red streak left by Mighty Mouse’s cape became physical and tied itself snugly around Popeye’s neck. Then, Mighty Mouse flew up and around the point of the moon’s crescent, tying a fisherman’s knot with it.
From there, he flew downwards towards Earth. The rope-like function the streak now held yanked it tight. Popeye suddenly felt his windpipe become shut off, and he struggled to free himself from the binding. His puny arms, however, could do no such thing in his already weak state. Slowly, painfully, and excruciatingly, Popeye’s lungs ran out of usable air to breathe, and his eyes rolled back into his head as he slipped first into unconsciousness… Then, due to the void of space, into death.
Mighty Mouse released himself from the trail of his cape and looked at his fallen enemy. The slack limbs and the white of his eyes told Mighty Mouse everything he needed to know. With a triumphant but regretful sigh, Mighty Mouse turned and made way back toward Earth. It was time to make amends for the consequences he’d brought on the world…
...Just to win one fight.
K.O.![]
(Cue Staff Roll (Super Mario 64) - GaMetal )
Boomstick: See, I told Mama Boomstick eating my greens would be my downfall! This proves my point!
Edgeworth: Popeye and Mighty Mouse are both formidable fighters, especially with the immense Toonforce abilities they had on hand. However, Mighty Mouse’s wider move pool gave him a leg up in versatility, and completely put him over his opponent in ranged combat.
Morrigan: Popeye is immensely strong and fast, but Mighty Mouse was about on par with him in both of those things, if not a little above. Even Popeye’s feat of overruling the animator of his universe is something Mighty Mouse is no stranger to doing himself.
Wiz: Popeye’s spinach was his greatest shot of winning this battle, but it still wasn’t enough to put a stop to Mighty Mouse thanks to his own strength and Toonforce durability. And although both of them were equally proficient in wielding the Toonforce, Mighty Mouse could always just go back in time to before Popeye had eaten the spinach or even to when Popeye was just a child.
Papyrus: OR EVEN WHAT HE ENDED UP DOING: GOING BACK AND KILLING THE VERY FIRST SPINACH PLANT! AND SINCE POPEYE’S STRENGTH WAS DERIVED FROM THE FACT THAT HE’S ALWAYS EATEN HIS SPINACH, THAT WOULD DRAIN HIM OF HIS STRENGTH ENTIRELY! ON THE FLIP SIDE, POPEYE HAS NO WAY TO EASILY EXPLOIT MIGHTY MOUSE’S WEAKNESS TO LIMBURGER CHEESE!
Boomstick: Mighty Mouse and Popeye were neck and neck for most of the battle, but the sailor man couldn't squeak by when the Mouse of Tomorrow got to the root of his power. Yeah, against someone like Mighty Mouse... Popeye was left breathless.
Wiz: We really need to put you on restrictions… The winner is Mighty Mouse.
Next Time[]
Boomstick: NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!
- The intro to a VainGlory Hero Spotlight is shown
Ciderhelm: Hey, this is Ciderhelm, and welcome to the VainGlory Hero Spotlight. Today we're going to take a look at-
- The screen is suddenly covered in ice and Ciderhelm's voice is cut off, there's silence for a bit
???: (singing) The cold never bothered me anyway.