Intro[]
Wiz: There are many heavy brutes in fiction, and tonight, we're looking at two heavy hitters from Dreamworks and Disney. Po, the panda who became the Dragon Warrior.
Boomstick: And Wreck It Ralph, the bad guy who isn't a bad guy. He's Wiz, I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to see who would win a death battle.
Po[]
Wiz: In China, there was a bad guy who went furious for not being chosen as the Dragon Warrior. In doing so, he attacked, but was soon defeated and sent to prison.
Boomstick: This was Tai Lung, a snow leopard who was raised by Shifu since childhood, however he was defeated by... a panda?!
Po: Skidoosh.
Wiz: That's right. Master Oogway chose Po to be the Dragon Warrior. He was a little sloppy at first, but he eventually defeated Tai Lung. Po became a master of kung fu, and has some impressive skills. Heck, he was immune to Tai Lung's nerve attack that makes you unable to move.
Boomstick: Holy shit! Anyway, Po's large girth comes in handy, cause when he fell down the stairs, he sat on Tai Lung's face. Ouch, been there.
Wiz: Po defeated Tai Lung with the Wuxi Finger Hold, a technique where you flex your pinkie, sending the opponent to the Spirit Realm. He also defeated Lord Shen, a peacock who used fireworks in his evil plan, by achieving Inner Peace,
Boomstick: Oh wow, just wow. He has also defeated Kai, traveled to the Spirit Realm, and taught his long lost family the ways of kung fu. Man that is awesome.
Wiz: Though Po has some weaknesses, like his ego for example, and he's still fat and can get distracted.
Boomstick: Also, he loves to eat, and is kinda an idiot, so yeah.
Po: I'm not just a big fat panda. I'm the big fat panda.
Wreck It Ralph[]
Wiz: In Litwak's arcade, many games reside.
Boomstick: Yep. In those arcades though, there lies a secret world... of video game characters.
Wiz: In this world, bad guys are outcast for being, y'know, bad guys. In reality though, they're just misunderstood. One of these bad guys, is Wreck It Ralph, the main baddie of Fix It Felix Jr. He's lived like this for thirty years, so he set out on a journey to gain everyone's trust and respect.
Boomstick: In the end, he found out he doesn't have to be a good guy to prove he's nice, what a sweet ending.
Wiz: Wreck It Ralph has big hands that he can use to break just about anything, including a jawbreaker the size of a beach ball. He also has enormous strength, is able to build a race track, and was even able to build Vanellope's race car to the the right temperature by using his breath. Despite this, he has a few flaws. He can get really angry and often breaks things on accident.
Boomstick: Though he was able to send thousands of Mentos into the diet coke mountain to create a big explosion. Science!
Ralph: I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.
Battle intro[]
(The Jade Palace in Japan)
Po was in the palace when he saw an arcade cabinet with a little note that said: "Dear Po, found this in the scrapyard, hopefully you have fun with it. Signed Shifu and the Furious Five". Po thought it looked cool, so he inserted a quarter and started playing the game Fix-It Felix Jr. He was struggling at the game, so he furiously attacked the arcade cabinet, but then it started sparking, and Po was sent into it. He was a little shocked at this, but also excited. Then the game's villain, Wreck-It Ralph, saw him and recognized him as an enemy. Po then got ready to fight, as did Ralph.
FIGHT!
Battle[]
Po attacked Ralph with his kung fu skills, catching Ralph by surprise. Po struck a pose, angering Ralph who then punched a bunch of bricks off a building
Po: I can see why they call you Wreck-It Ralph-
But he was interrupted as the bricks hit him in the face. The bricks kept flying into him, but he used his gut to flick it back at Ralph, hitting him in the nose. This made Ralph really mad, so he furiously attacked Po, sending them out of the arcade cabinet & into another game, Hero's Duty.
Ralph: Uh oh.
PO: Uh oh?
Suddenly a bunch of Cybugs appeared and attacked them, but they kept fighting each other despite this. Then when they hit a surge, they went into Vanellope's game, Sugar Rush. Good thing Vanellope was on vacation. Po then started eating the candy, giving Ralph a good distraction, so he hit him in the face, knocking him into a candy cane tree. He held onto a branch.
Ralph: Double stripe!
With that, Po fell right into more double stripes and into Nesquik sand, as did Ralph. Just then, they saw Laffy Taffy vines were laughing at they're pathetic fighting. They decided to grab a hold, but they instantly went back to fighting. As they fought, they went past Blanka fighting Ryu, Mario fighting Bowser's minions, and even past death battles like Perry vs Danger Mouse & Pinkie Pie vs Conker, where they were having Conker's birthday.
Conker: Weird birthday, I like it.
Pinkie squeed as they then ended up in other death battles made by other users, like Dr. Eggman vs Bunny Girls by Raiando & Bendy vs Sans, even official ones like Jotaro vs Kenshiro & Link vs Cloud Strife. Then they ended up on the dbx page, where they ended up in Meta Knight vs Link. To this, Link just shrugged. They then ended up in a Glove and Boots video.
Mario: What the *Bleep*?
Fafa: Don't look at me.
They then ended up in a video on the Epic Rap Battles of History channel, where they were discussing what rap battle to do.
Lylod: Maybe we should do that.
One Peter: Good idea.
They then wrote down Wreck-It Ralph vs Po from Kung Fu Panda. Then then ended up in a Taco Bell commercial, where Po ordered 12 tacos. Then they ended up in a Fred video, where Fred instantly told them to get out. Then they ended up at the Nostalgia Critic's house,
Critic: What the fuck?
then into an SML video where Jeffy was spanking his diaper in the crotch area.
Mario: Jeffy what was that?
Jeffy: Hell if I know.
Then they ended up in Cute Mario Bros.: Evil Prevails?, where they ended up in lava.
Bowser: Nevermind.
Cute Mario, Luigi, and Jack then walked off with Peach. Then they ended up in Five Night's at Freddy's, where all the animatronics were dismantled. Finally, they ended up back in Fix-It Felix Jr. Ralph got so mad that smoke came out of his ears.
Ralph: It's time to end this!!!
Ralph then ran at Po, but he grabbed his finger. Po was smiling.
Ralph: Why are you smiling?
Po: Because of this.
Po flexed his pinky
Po: Skidoosh.
With that the whole area of Fix-It Felix Jr. exploded into pixels as Ralph glitched out and exploded as well. Po was sent out of the cabinet in a green surge of energy.
Po: I need to lie down.
Results[]
Boomstick: Woah! That was intense!
Wiz: It seemed closed, but Po had the bigger advantage. Po's belly could absorb blows Ralph couldn't handle, he also defeated a dragon in a special episode of Legends of Awesomeness, which is canon.
Boomstick: Yeah, and the Wuxi Finger hold can work on human beings. True it only works on mortals, but as Sonic said, if you leave your game and die, you don't regenerate. So yeah, there's that. Looks like Ralph got wrecked.
Wiz: The winner is Po.
Next Time[]
Next time on death battle..
Vs
BOB VS FREAKAZOID