Pious Augustus vs The Lich
Pious Augustus vs The Lich is a What-If? Death Battle.
Previously on Death Battle[]
Sundown Kid vs John Marston (S2E2)
Description[]
For these rotting ruffians, death is a minor inconvenience. And yet, it defines their every move. In their twisted states, these undead sorcerers wreak havoc wherever they go. Put them together, however, and only one will face oblivion…
Introduction[]
Wiz: When it comes to the undead, magic and zombies tend to go hand in hand.
Boomstick: And if zombies use magic themselves, then they’re an absolute nightmare!
Wiz: Pious Augustus, Emissary of Ulyaoth, Xel’lotath and Chattur’gha!
Boomstick: And the Lich, one of Fin’s worst enemies in Adventure Time! He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Pious Augustus[]
Wiz: Xel’lotath, Chattur’gha, Ulyaoth and Mantorok. These four powerful entities are the Ancients, four Lovecraftian horrors whose insidious influence secretly guided several events in human history. The first three govern Insanity, Matter and Magick respectively, but the last one had something the others did not.
Boomstick: That would be the creepiest diary ever conceived, the Tome of Eternal Darkness, and if you knew the fate of almost anyone who owned it, you’d probably want to put it back where you found it, because most of Mantorok’s chosen ones usually died or worse. Yup, you heard that right! They faced fates worse than death!
Wiz: Well, most of them did. As society began to advance further, more people would live long enough to live to tell their tales, and one of them even managed to eventually defeat the Ancients. Enter Alex Roivas, a college student who discovered that her grandfather, Edward, was murdered in his mansion home in Rhode Island.
Boomstick: Why does all the weird stuff happen on the East Coast, Wiz? New Jersey has the Jersey Devil, Maine has a child eating murder clown, and now Rhode Island has a Cthulhu problem. And I thought Family Guy was bad enough.
Wiz: Well, anyway, upon investigating the place, she found a hidden study, revealing the Tome of Eternal Darkness.
Boomstick: When she opened it, she learned of the first of Mantorok’s chosen ones, a Roman centurion named Pious Augustus. Let’s just say his fate was unique compared to everybody else.
Wiz: Drawn to ancient ruins by mysterious voices while on a mission from a Roman emperor, Pious was transported to the Forbidden City, where he would brave hordes of zombies and solves some puzzles. At the end of his journey lay three artifacts floating above pedestals, each of them containing the power of all of the aforementioned Ancients except Mantorok.
Boomstick: No matter which path Pious chose, he’d end up looking like my ex-wife after a diet and have a really big power boost as well.
Wiz: With this transformation came madness as he devoted his entire existence to liberating his master. He had become the Liche, the new Pious Augustus.
Boomstick: Now that Pious had gained some creepy new powers, he began to put them to work.
Wiz: In order to mask the Ancients’ operations, Pious used some form of shapeshifting to hide in plain sight.
Boomstick: Yeah, and Pious was kinda strapped for creative aliases. I mean really? Paul Augustine? I guess becoming an undead wizard doesn’t give you creativity.
Wiz: No, but it does give you a wide arsenal of spells to play with, many of which are stronger than any the player characters have access to. For instance, player characters like Edward Roivas can use up to four Pargon symbols and three other symbols for powerful spells.
Boomstick: Pious, on the other hand, doesn’t play that way. He uses six Pargon runes maximum, and the results speak for themselves, making him able to summon monsters like the Black Guardians, the most powerful monsters in Xel’lotath’s, Ulyaoth’s and Chattur’gha’s armies.
Wiz: However, besides summoning monsters and the power to teleport (something Pious often utilized, by the way), Pious also has powerful offensive and defensive abilities. He can shoot an electrical beam of eldritch energy at targets and by looking at someone, he can make people lose their sanity, such as when Alex Roivas fought him.
Boomstick: Now, you’d think such a powerful lich would have few weakness, right? Well, that’s just it, though. He has a very big one.
Wiz: Pious’ undead nature is tied directly to the artifact he touched at the beginning of the story, and destroying it makes him vulnerable. Once that happens, he can be bested as well as some of the Ancients' strongest monsters, but is relatively easy to deal with overall.
Boomstick: Good luck making that happen, though. You'd probably have a better chance of having Jack Spaniels teleport to another dimension than tricking Pious, because if there's one thing Pious specializes in, it's death. Cold, merciless death.
Pious: (A clip showing Pious summoning Xel'lotath plays.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
The Lich[]
Wiz: When somebody thinks of the end of the world, the first thing that comes to mind is the absolute destruction of civilization.
Boomstick: They also think about what happens afterward, but I don't quite believe most people ever thought of this.
Wiz: I agree, Boomstick. What resulted after the Great Mushroom War ended civilization and the majority of humanity is that cartoonishly absurd creatures of all shapes and sizes took over the world now called Ooo, leaving only one human, Finn, left. During one of his adventures, he would encounter one of the creepiest denizens of this world, and that denizen was the Lich.
Boomstick: The Lich was older than the universe itself and several really big catastrophes throughout Earth's history were his doing, including the death of the Dinosaurs! I mean, when I say it like that, it kind of sounds like the Lich is the Spawn of Satan, and anyone who would call the Lich that I'd agree with, but it get much worse. There was one thing the Lich committed that eclipsed all of the other awful stuff: SCARING CHILDREN WITH THE VOICE OF RON PERLMAN TO MAKE THEM TRUE ITALIAN BOYS!!
Wiz: Actually, Wiz, it was the destruction of human civilization and humanity as it was once known. Also, did you just say "true Italian boys"?
Boomstick: Del Toro can do no wrong, Wiz.
Wiz: That might be your opinion, Boomstick, but it's a fact that the Great Mushroom War and the Lich are heavily connected, as it was the former that helped unleash the Lich onto the world. Time progressed and the world of OOO came to be, and the Lich sought to end that world. However, a hero named Billy sealed the evil entity away in amber, awaiting the day in which someone daft enough would set him free. Sure enough, someone, or in this case, something, ended up doing just that.
Boomstick: Of all the things to free the Lich, it was a snail that did it. It's always the ones you least expect, Wiz. I knew those snails were evil. That's why the French eat them! They knew better!
Wiz: Well, after being freed, the Lich sought to regain the power he lost after Billy defeated him, but, as stated above, Finn got in his way. Time and time again, the Lich was continuously thwarted by Finn, his friends and sometimes Finn's enemies. However, he would eventually meet his match and be forcibly turned into Sweet P, ending the threat of the Lich once and for all.
Boomstick: As expected from the Lich, his lethality was nothing to scoff at.
The Lich: Aren't you cold, Finn? Walk into the well, Finn.
Death Battle[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are ready and the stage is set.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
(The scene takes place in the Roivas Mansion. A green flame lights the dark mansion as furniture and other things inside begin to decay. A poster of Sundown Kid begins rotting away as the green flame heads into the mansion's basement, where it finds the entrance to the city of Ehn'gha. Several undead monsters notice the flame and being pursuing it, only to be burned to ashes shortly thereafter. Eventually, a lone figure adorned in corrupted Roman centurion armor and holding a human spine in his right hand slowly approaches the flame, as if expecting it.)
Pious: Ah, so this is the corrosive force that was spoken of? A mere hinderance at best. (The green flame rests upon the ground, taking the shape of an undead, horned creature.)
The Lich: When I heard that some upstarts had begun plotting the end of all life on Earth, I would respond to their plagiarism with pure finality, Pious Augustus.
Pious: So, you know of me? Well, then introductions are no longer required. However, I must warn you of this, decrepit corpse. Leave this place, or become one of many fools that will serve as the stepping stone to my master's grand arrival.
The Lich: Is that so? If that's the case... (The Lich unleashes a blast of green flames.) I'll burn your bones to ashes!! (The Lich launches volleys of green fireballs at Pious, though no damage is done to him.) Hmm?
Pious: I assure you, pretender, that I am no ordinary warlock! (Pious fires an arcane lightning bolt from his bone staff, though the Lich dodges this. The Lich senses something, like a presence of sorts, somewhere nearby. He sees a floating artifact that vanishes shortly after it was seen.)
The Lich: You're a fascinating one, Pious. Very well. Allow me to turn this into a game.
Pious: And it shall be a game I will most certainly win!
Results[]
Next Time on Death Battle[]
F vs Fox McCloud (S2E4)
Trivia[]
- The track for this Death Battle is called “Diabolical Decay”.
- Credit for creating the thumbnail goes to Web Surfer Jon.