Peach vs Palutena is a Death Battle by Peep4Life.
| Peach vs Palutena | |
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| Season 2, Episode 7 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | April 5, 2019 |
| Written by | Peep4Life |
| Directed by | Peep4Life |
Episode guide
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Description
Season 2 Episode 7! Mario vs Kid Icarus! They've been damsels in distress, they've been magic wielding fighters and waifus. Which Nintendo main female role takes the win?
Interlude
Wiz: Nintendo girls: Commonly the damsels in distress for the brave heroes to rescue, but in more recent years they have found their way closer and closer to centre stage.
Boomstick: Like Princess Peach, Mushroom Kingdom's beloved monarch.
Wiz: And Palutena, the Goddess of Light.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Peach
Wiz: Miss Toadstool. Princess Peach was the successor of Pauline as Mario's girlfriend. Like her predecessor, Peach makes a name for herself as being the one kidnapped all the time.
Boomstick: It turns out Mushroom Kingdom's royal guard isn't exactly a challenge to bypass, and that should perhaps be something Peach brings up at the next conference.
Wiz: Thankfully for the heroes' party, her place as prisoner hardly keeps her from helping her own rescue; she has sent lives across the universe to an intergalactic mailman. Don't quite now how she sneaked that letter past Bowser's whole fortress, but this is video game logic.
Boomstick: Luckily, all that weakness appears to be for show when sports season picks back up. Peach is a well known Skill Type player in the Olympics, or becoming a play maker in football, using surprising agility to shame defences.
Wiz: She is also capable enough to have survived all the Mario Parties. Which, when you consider how wild and extreme a lot of those game and event get, should earn her some serious recognition and credit.
Boomstick: Or qualify you as insane, one of the two. She also has a wide array of weapons and skills at her disposal, which is enough to make everyone wonder: what the hell is stopping her from fighting off Bowser?
Wiz: Plot would be a good place to start. Although, she has taken the fight to Bowser from time to time. Obviously, there is Smash Bros which are non canon, but the Princess has at times decided that if she's getting messed with, she'll make a stand.
Boomstick: As a regular in the Super Smash Bros. series, Peach has maintained a hard hitting move pool. Aside from the regular kicks, slaps and slams she also has a devastating crashing move known as the Peach Bomber. Peach leaps into the air, before smashing her hips into her opponent at full force. Niiice.
Wiz: Oh, behave. This does come at a cost, however, as Peach makes herself incredibly vulnerable should she miss her target. She isn't protected in mid attack either, and foes can cut the move off before she can even land it.
Boomstick: Peach has the ability to throw vegetables at her opponent... Yeah, not the most damaging of moves, but they can serve as a good distraction when clattering foes. I mean, a carrot being bounced off your nose would certainly be distracting to some capacity, right? As well as that, Peach can use a pan, a golf club or a tennis racket to really hit hard against a foe. She swaps between these three weapons at a set pattern, so if you take this princess too lightly, she may just make grits out of you.
Wiz: You can also add an parasol to that weapon list, Boomstick. Peach's parasol serves a dual purpose; to help her glide, and to go on the attack. However, should she use it to glide, she becomes incredibly vulnerable to foes who may attack from beneath, so it's not always in her best interest to use this method of flying...
Boomstick: Especially when you consider that she is more than capable of flying with just her dress and the flapping of her arms!
Wiz: Peach has even used a magic wand at times to trade blows with Bowser of all people. The spells don't take particularly long to cast and can stun the Koopa King enough for Peach to capitalise, however, this is done in a midair battle where both users are in air crafts.
Boomstick: What? A magic dogfight can't be exciting?
Wiz: Another great tool for Peach is her Megastrike. Peach delivers a kick so hard that she can split a metal football. This can result in anywhere between three and six footballs being launched. To split it so many times, it'd be a kick that would also do a real number on a person's body.
Boomstick: She can also manipulate the cameras to take a photograph of her opponents, which she can use to freeze her opponents in the photo for a brief while. What's wrong guys? Camera shy? They aren't exactly ones you'd be ordering prints of...
Wiz: Surprisingly, she has some pretty quick movements in the game, being able to flip over her foes' heads while maintaining perfect balance on the pitch after the motion is finished. She's skilled enough to perform Olympic events such as Uneven Bars perfectly. So maybe that's what she is up to behind Bowser's locked and barred doors.
Boomstick: Peach can also use Heart Power, allowing the summon of sheep to force her opponents to sleep on impact. And after coming into contact with the Vibe Scepter- I am not laughing - she can use her emotions to her advantage in the battle.
Wiz: When filled with joy, she can fly around thanks to wind energy. When she feels gloomy, she becomes quicker and can damage foes with her tears. When Peach calms down, she can create a large defensive bubble to protect her against her foes. And finally, when Peach is filled with rage, she gains invulnerability - at the cost of speed.
Boomstick: Yeah, but if the woman can kick your ass in new varieties according to her mood, then you're in it deep. Maybe sweet talk your way out.
Wiz: She's a capable enough fighter, so it has to be asked how she ended up in captivity as often as she did. But it's a good thing she has a heroic plumber who comes running every time disaster strikes.
Peach drops down from the sky before her enemy's team.
Peach: Hmph Come on bring it, Mmhm!
Palutena
Boomstick: The Goddess of Light. Over 25 years ago, Palutena found herself kidnapped and imprisoned by her own sister - Medusa. As all hope seemed lost, a young angel found his way lost in the Underworld.
Wiz: That boy was Pit. Thanks to Palutena bestowing him with a bow to conquer the evil Medusa.
Boomstick: And he did a pretty good job! Or, if it was a not so good job, he succeeds only to be mutated into a creature. Huh. Thanks, bitch.
Wiz: From the more recent game, Uprising, Palutena serves way more as a sideline character, offering Pit aid and giving context of their missions. She has put a lot of trust in the angel putting him into hard positions to work in, but her trust pays off time and time again.
Boomstick: Except the time where they busted the Chaos Kin out of prison early. Shh.
Wiz: Thanks to her power and wit, she was able to help guide Pit to the ultimate destruction of Hades: The true Lord of the Underworld. But, what is often forgotten is that while Palutena is a character that operates behind the scenes, she actually has a lot of power to fall back on.
Boomstick: I would expect no less from someone trying to call themselves a God. Although, allegedly, she gets her power from the Three Sacred Treasures.
Wiz: Well, yeah, except if that were the case then how was she able to fight Pit when the treasures were nowhere nearby? Or, how is it when the treasures were destroyed, she was able to still use her powers to help eliminate Hades?
Boomstick: Got me.
Wiz: Palutena uses telepathy and telekinesis quite regularly. She can communicate with Pit across large distances and her telepathy can also see use throw the angel back to Skyworld. Most of her attacks are based around the tip of her staff, which she can summon at will from anywhere seemingly.
Boomstick: One of the main moves that seem to be well remembered is the Auto Reticle. Hey, if you have played a CPU Palutena in Smash at least once, you've been pelted with this shit a lot.
Wiz: These are small energy blasts that lock on to a target's location in an effort to attack them. They aren't overly powerful, but they can contribute in the long run. As well as this, she has the capability to blind opponents momentarily by reflecting her own light based powers from her shield. The effect isn't permanent, but again - they are effective enough to lead to better moves.
Boomstick: Such as?
Wiz: Well, how about those massive pillars of light she can send across the stage? She can attack with multiple of them at a time. They are quite hard to dodge, and pack a serious punch. She can also combine these with stick and move tactics, dodging before the enemy can counter the pillar that was just sent their way.
Boomstick: Palutena also seems to not mind summoning outside help, which is a cop out but what are you going to do? Cry to your god? I bet she ain't listening!
Wiz: She can summon wings that are much larger than the ones Pit has, which she swats characters away with. Meaning that just because she specialises in long range encounters does not mean she is incapable of surviving a close range melee.
Boomstick: She also warps out of binds as well. So good luck keeping her pinned if you do get close.
Wiz: Palutena also possess explosive tools at her disposal; she has the Celestial Firework and the Explosive Light which offer varying ranges, but are still powerful to come up against. One of Palutena's best advantages is that she can create an environment where so much is going on that it actually becomes hard to keep track of her.
Boomstick: And you better get track of her quick; if Palutena gets a moment, she is powerful enough to open a black hole on the field of battle. And I'm sure that's as bad as it gets...
Wiz: Uh... huh...
Boomstick: Well, apart from that brutal as fuck Mega Laser that could obliterate you while you hover hopelessly in the black hole's radius. This is a massive upgrade of an attack from her regular pillars of light - which were painful enough as it was.
Wiz: Thing is, if Palutena can summon it, then it can hurt you. Her halo, shield, wings, staff all offer magic based offence that simply does not go away. Although, there was that one time where she got overpowered by a horde of carrots.
Boomstick: Aw hell no.
Wiz: Turns out if you play with your food, it may come back to repay you. Obviously though, Palutena would get the better of the rebellious grub.
Boomstick: Still, you do not want to mess with a goddess. She may be a gorgeous looking lady, but if you dare forget your place, she may just decide it's time for divine intervention.
Palutena: We may not have the best dental plan, but justice is on our side!
Intermission
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Fight
Location: Skyworld (Kid Icarus)
Peach was still aboard one of the airships as it flew overhead of the heavenly realm of Skyworld. She looked left and right, no one had seen her sneak to the side.
She had little choice it seemed, and she threw herself overboard - braving the fall among the clouds. Peach screamed as she fell, steering herself past Centurions. She then quickly opened the parasol, only for a gust of wind to take it away from her hands. "Oh NO!" she gasped, using her dress as an alternative gliding tool. The ground was coming closer and closer, and she was going to need to break her fall soon!
Hey, what about those Centurions that were conveniently carrying all that soft material? Bingo! With a terrible thud, the princess landed on the back of a poor sap, crushing him immediately.
(Music Stops)
Peach dusted herself off, and caught her parasol which had mysteriously been able to find a way back to her at this point, but she noticed someone new stood before her - Palutena.
"Your trespassing already crossed a line. But killing a Centurion?" she summoned her staff to hand.
"I think it's time for a sacrifice..."
FIGHT!
With that, three pillars of light raced at Peach, forcing the princess to take evasive manoeuvres. She dodged to a side and grabbed her Magic Wand, firing off blasts of magic towards Palutena. The goddess glided in a circular motion around Peach, who mirrored the movements and fired off blast after blast of Auto Reticle which countered Peach's projectiles. After a few seconds, Peach decided to come closer, throwing vegetables at the goddess and forcing her to use her staff as a melee weapon. Now practically right in the face of Palutena, Peach fired a Peach Bomber, slamming into her target at great force. She followed with a high kick, knocking her into the air and finishing the combo with strikes from the parasol.
Palutena snapped out of her daze and glanced to a side. "Warp." she cued, landing next to Peach and swatting the monarch with her wings. Peach landed on a nearby ledge, pulling herself back up and taking her wand again. This time though, Palutena aimed the tip of her staff at Peach's weapon and relieved her of it. Peach gasped as the wand found its way off the side and into the clouds. When she turned around, Palutena was already on the move. "Best pay attention!" she teased, firing off an Explosive Light, knocking Peach into the air. The goddess carried on her offence, launching a halo at Peach which dealt large portions of magic based damage to her.
Peach cried out, but wasn't done just yet; she began launching several bombs at Palutena, which she plucked from seemingly nowhere. Palutena gasped in shock, backing away and inadvertently offering Peach a platform back into the match. Peach rushed, this time arming herself with the Vibe Scepter. She sent a powerful attack at Palutena, knocking the goddess off balance, allowing her to then drop a Peach Bomber, and a devastating series of kicks down of her head.
Palutena rolled through, and summoned a pillar of light again, forcing it towards Peach who nimbly got around it. She then began gliding at Palutena, and the collided with fierce exchanges of magic. Peach got the upper hand, and then ducked a swipe from the staff. Now Palutena was massively open to a large kick to the jaw, which dropped the goddess over the side of Skyworld. Obviously, she was able to recover, and teleported behind Peach, grabbing her and launching her into the air. Her halo collided with a magic attack from Peach, and again, the monarch topped the goddess in this exchange. Peach landed in front of the reeling Palutena, driving a slap across her face, and creating a large red mark across her face.
She then delivered several more slaps which infuriated Palutena enough to use her Celestial Firework, dragging Peach into the air and exploding next to her. Peach landed with a thud, but quickly leapt up and flipped over Palutena. "Say cheese!" she said smugly, as a camera showed from out of nowhere, freezing Palutena in a frame momentarily. Peach set up, decorating the border of the picture with Bob-ombs. As soon as Palutena was released, Peach let them explode.
The goddess skidded across the floor, placing a hand on the ground as she muttered the next phrase. "Cover your eyes..." and then, she followed with a blinding light and forced Peach to shield her eyes. Palutena closed in, smashing her shield into Peach's face and then kicking her into the air. She emitted magic from her halo and staff, beating Peach in the air as well. With a thud, Peach hit the ground, and she raked her fingers through her frazzled hair. But now, Peach was glowing with a bright light, and had grown wings of her own it seemed. Oh damn! This was a Mega Strike!
Palutena cried out in fear, as she raised a force field around herself just before the kick connected. Peach kept the pressure on, but Palutena was not budging. She was very interested, however, in using her magic to yank Peach back a bit. With a wave of the staff, Peach was pulled off the force field. As she went to deliver the attack a second time, Palutena warped and this time summoned three large pillars of light to scorch the princess. Peach wailed in pain, but when the lights faded, she was still conscious, albeit, with black burns up and down her body.
In a desperate move, Peach prepared the Mega Strike a third time, this time timing it well enough to come a hair away from contact. Palutena's eyes were wide. As she fell back and flailed an arm, Peach nabbed her leading hand and pulled her in. "Ohh..." she teased. She then pulled Palutena in very, very close. "Did I win?" (reference to Level UP is reference)
But now Palutena was the one acting smug. She pointed her staff, which Peach followed the tip of to find... a black hole. "Oh!" she gasped in shock, as Palutena began lifting her in the air telekinetically. She then slammed Peach to the floor, time and time again. Peach's body bruised, before she was flung towards the gaping opening. "Black Hole!"
Desperate still, Peach's wings appeared on her back again as she tried to Mega Strike herself away from the attack. Palutena was amazed at the resilience, but she could not offer the princess a way back in. "Explosive Light!" she ordered, blasting Peach back into the black hole. Nowhere to go from here...
"MEGA LASER!" Palutena cried, as a glaring light came down from above, catching Peach head on. "Nooooooo!" she wailed, as she vanished into the bright lights. When the attack finished, there was a simple clattering as her crown rolled to the feet of Palutena.
(Music Stops)
Palutena fell to her knees, exhausted. See? This was why she had Pit do all the running around. Wait, speaking of - she quickly glanced over her shoulder just to see Pit and several other Centurions. "L-Lady Palutena! Are you-"
"Pit! I'm fine, just... erm. Oh, hey, that a new tunic?"
KO!
Conclusion
Boomstick: Goddess is higher ranking than Princess, huh? That makes sense.
Wiz: Although, the match was not as simple as that. For starters, Peach may be the more renowned damsel, but she still exceeded Palutena in the experience department. Palutena with all her freedom still uses her powers as a supporting unit to Pit whereas Peach has used her powers from time to time as an attacker.
Boomstick: The problem was, however, Palutena's arsenal far outclassed anything Peach could offer. Palutena was benefited from range with her telekinesis and her long range attacks - Auto Reticle, light beams and so on...
Wiz: Put that against Peach's majority close range tools, and we are left with a clear indication of how the fight would begin to play out. But even with that in place, Peach was able to close the distance. It was simply a matter of if she could capitalise on the openings she forced. The answer was no.
Boomstick: Because, for all the impressive things Peach had in her arsenal, Palutena was the only one with the ability to directly counter what her opponent possessed. If Peach got close, Palutena could warp, blind her or even summon black holes.
Wiz: Sure, Peach has survived being near black holes before, but this leads on to a very irritating argument to come against. Simply put, video game black holes are nowhere near as strong as real life ones. In games such as Kid Icarus and Mario Galaxy, the black hole exists as a hazard or a weapon. But if we were to use a real life black hole in either scenario, the outcome is very different.
Boomstick: Not even light can escape a black hole in real life, but in the games, you can take a nice walk on the same platform as a black hole. If these things had even a sniff of the same power as a real life one, there wouldn't be much of a game to play.
Wiz: That said, Peach still had great durability to fall back on thanks to being able to withstand attacks from the likes of Bowser. But Palutena's magic was deadly enough to keep chipping away. In a close range battle, Peach held the cards thanks to her use of kicks and agility, but Palutena specialises at range, so it'd be unreasonable to assume she'd keep herself there.
Boomstick: There was very little Peach could do after a while to actually hurt Palutena too much. Especially if Palutena decided she was going to start calling on her force fields.
Wiz: The force field she summoned around her temple for example was strong enough to prevent Pit breaking through when he was flying at regular Power of Flight speed. This speed was enough to cover large Aurum ships in seconds. The force field would only be broken when Pit obtained the Lightning Chariot.
Boomstick: For the record, it is not faster than light. The Lightning Chariot was fast enough to fly in orbit, but never anything beyond that.
Wiz: That puts the Lighting Chariot's speed roughly at 8 km/s, the necessary sideways speed to not fall out of orbit. That speed is clearly much quicker than Peach's mega strike. The chariot covered plenty of space in the rush to the temple, fast enough to reach a warp hole in under a minute.
Boomstick: Meaning that Peach's best shot was not going to be enough... by a lot.
Wiz: And finally, Palutena had the advantage with telekinesis. This meant she could attack Peach directly from large distances as opposed to rushing her. Peach put up a good fight, but her magic was outclassed and with Palutena's reach exceeding hers, it was an uphill battle from the beginning.
Boomstick: And after all that, Peach mega struck out.
Wiz: The winner is Palutena!
