Description[]
Madoka, Homura, Sayaka, Mami and Kyoko meet in a five-way duel to the death? Which Puella Magi Madoka Magica character will emerge with her Soul Gem intact?
Introduction[]
Spider: In the world of Puella Magi Madoka Magica, the only one thing stands between innocent humans and the terrifying monsters called witches: the Magical Girls.
Pixie: Kaname Madoka, Akemi Homura, Sayaka Miki, Tomoe Mami, and Kyoko Sakura. Brace yourself, weeaboos, because we’re going to find out which of your tragic, magic waifus reigns supreme!
Spider: I’m Spider.
Pixie: And I’m Pixie!
Spider: And it’s our job to analyze their power, abilities and skills to determine who would win a Death Battle.
Madoka[]
Pixie: Before we go any further, I want to make it clear that all five of our combatants will be limited to their base forms for the sake of fairness. So no Goddess Madoka or Demon Homura or Octavia Sayaka or any of that other silly, over-powered crap. Okay? Okay.
Spider: Madoka was an ordinary middle school girl until her encounter with the mysterious, telepathic creature called Kyubey.
Pixie: What is Kyubey, anyways? A cat? A rabbit? Some kind of squirrel?
Spider: Actually, Kyubey is an Incubator, a creature capable of granting the wishes of women and harnessing the energy of their hope and despair in order to stop entropy from destroying the order of the universe.
Pixie: …I’m gonna pretend I totally got that.
Spider: Kyubey told Madoka that he could grant her any wish, but only if she agreed to become a Magical Girl and fight witches.
Pixie: Which are basically twitchy, reality-warping paper cut-outs that can mind-control people into committing suicide or murder. Makes the old ‘pointy hats, warts and cackling’ shtick seem pretty lame by comparison, doesn’t it?
Spider: As a Magical Girl, Madoka gained super-human durability, speed, reflexes and strength--
Pixie: --which is true of all the magical girls here, so we’re going to focus on the stuff that makes each one unique.
Spider: Madoka’s personal weapon is the Rose Branch Bow. She can summon this magical weapon from thin air, and can create as many magical arrows as she likes. She can also create explosive homing arrows, giant laser-arrows and scatter-shot arrows, which can essentially create a rain of arrows.
Pixie: Dang. A few more trick arrows in her quiver and she’d be a pink-haired, twin-tailed Hawkeye.
Spider: Madoka is also quite quick on the draw with her arrows, as we saw when in an alternate timeline where she shot Mami before Mami could kill Homura. She’s also agile enough to evade multiple attacks from witches at once, as we saw during her fight with Octavia when she dodged a barrage of giant wheels.
Pixie: While she’s pretty naïve, Madoka is great at keeping a cool-head, even in the face of certain death, and she never, ever gives up hope. She’s also clever enough to out-smart that sly bastard, Kyubey, and she ultimately succeeded in destroying Walpurgis Night and putting an end to the witches once and for all, a task that Homura never accomplished.
Spider: That said, Madoka does have her vulnerabilities. While her body is extremely durable, her soul is contained within her Soul Gem. Like all the other Magical Girls, she will die if her Soul Gem is shattered, and she’ll enter a comatose state if her soul-gem is moved more than 100 meters from her body.
Pixie: She might be young, but there’s nobody who embodies the power of hope quite like Madoka.
Homura[]
Spider: Akemi Homura was a shy and sickly girl. As a transfer student, she felt lost at her new school.
Pixie: And if that wasn’t bad enough, a witch nearly forced her to commit suicide. Thankfully, Madoka saved her at the last minute, which led Homura to fall head over heels in—
Spider: Which led Homura to become friends with Madoka.
Pixie: …Seriously though, those two are obviously lesbians. Just saying.
Spider Moving on! After watching Madoka die sacrificing herself to stop the world-ending witch known as Walpurgis Night, Homura wished to go back in time and re-do her meeting with Madoka. Kyubey granted this wish, and Homura became a Magical Girl.
Pixie: While the other magical girls tend to use a signature weapons, Homura strides into battle carrying her own personal armory, like a Magical Girl version of the Punisher.
Spider: Seriously though, why do you keep comparing the Magical Girls to Marvel characters?
Pixie: I’m planning a crossover where the Magical Girls meet the Avengers and a venom symbiote infects Kyubey. The Black Widow X Hitomi slash scene is going to be so steamy…
Spider (face-palms): Ugh… Homura primarily fights with bombs and grenades, though she has also has uzis, rocket-launchers, a katana and… golf-clubs. But Homura’s greatest asset is her ability to stop time. She can use this to dodge enemy attacks, or to make explosives seemingly appear out of thin air.
Pixie: In addition to being a time-stopping, gun-toting badass, Homura’s determination is incredible. She has gone back in time to save Madoka and fight the Walpurgis at least one hundred times! Every time she did this, she had to watch her friends suffer and die, but still, she persisted. For the sake of fairness, we’re going to have to veto Homura using her time-reset powers in this fight, but she’ll still be allowed to stop time.
Spider: Even with all her powers, Homura is not unstoppable. She never managed to defeat Walpurgis Night, and despite her time-stopping powers, she can be caught off guard. Ultimately, she nearly gave in to her despair, and had to be rescued by Madoka. Also, she tends to avoid direct confrontation with other Magical Girls, as seen with her repeatedly avoiding a fight with Mami.
Pixie: Still, she’s one of the most important players in the Madokaverse, and a force to be reckoned with.
Sayaka[]
Spider: Sayaka, Madoka’s best friend, was in love with Kyosuke, a young violinist who lost his ability to play due to an accident. Sayaka became a magical girl after wishing for Kyosuke’s health to recover, and was determined to become a ‘hero of justice’.
Pixie: Things… didn’t quite go the way she was hoping.
Spider: While Sayaka was initially fairly successful as a witch-slayer, she soon sank into despair when her love Kyosuke ended up romantically involved with her friend Hitomi.
Pixie: But hey, at least she got a brief run as a badass before that happened. Sayaka’s weapon of choice is the cutlass. In addition to carving up witches directly, Sayaka can summon as many cutlasses as she wants and even send them flying as projectile attacks. She’s also extremely fast, and thanks to the nature of her wish, her regenerative powers are even stronger than other girls.
Spider: This was seen when, after taking an injury from Kyoko that should have disabled her for months, she shrugged off the blow in a matter of seconds.
Pixie: But while Sayaka has her strengths, and even got to save Madoka’s butt from a witch, she’s reckless, and her insistence on doing the right thing doesn’t always help her. Plus, after losing Kyosuke to Hitomi, well… she kinda lost her shit.
Spider: Sayaka’s deteriorating mental stability upped her recklessness even further.
Pixie: There is a bit of a silver-lining here, though. All Magical Girls have the ability to completely shut out any feelings of pain, but Sayaka is the only girl who has actually done this in canon, basically turning herself into a psychotic, relentless, sword-swinging zombie. Let’s see here… recklessness, regeneration, psychotic blood-lust, tragic romantic failures and slicing up her enemies with blades? I think we just found our Magical Girl Wolverine.
Mami[]
Spider: Mami had little choice in becoming a Magical Girl. When her family was killed and she was mortally injured in a car crash, her only way to survive was to have Kyubey grant her wish to live.
Pixie: Mami’s a total badass in combat, combining ballet-esque evasive moves with an arsenal of magical muskets. She can fire her muskets or use them as clubs, and since she can magically create more of them at will, she never needs to stop and reload. She’s also got a bitchin’ finishing move called Tiro Finale, where she summons a gigantic musket to blast her foes to pieces.
Spider: Additionally, Mami can create and control magical ribbons to bind her foes in place. These ribbons are extremely fast and strong, and she was even able to trap and immobilize Homura on multiple occasions.
Pixie: Mami may have a lot of experience fighting witches, but her confidence can come back to bite her.
Spider: Mami’s carelessness is consistently shown as her greatest weakness. After her Tiro Finale failed to kill the witch Charlotte, Mami was too surprised to save herself, and was immediately decapitated and devoured. In another timeline, after killing Kyoko to stop her from becoming a witch, Mami was utterly blind-sided by Madoka and easily killed in a single hit.
Pixie: Plus, while she may seem very composed and gracious on the battlefield, she’s not quite right in the head, and that she’s been nursing a wicked case of Survivor’s Guilt ever since the accident. Still, you gotta hand it to any girl who can kick your ass with a ribbon and enjoy a cup of tea before you even hit the ground.
Kyoko[]
Spider: Kyoko’s father was a failed preacher. Because his teachings branched too far from the mainstream church, he failed to gather an audience, and Kyoko’s family struggled in poverty.
Pixie: Until one day, Kyubey showed up and granted Kyoko’s wish. From then on, people were magically compelled to listen to Kyoko’s father preach, and he gained a massive following while Kyoko went on to fight witches as a Magical Girl. Everything was great! Until Kyoko’s father found out that people were only listening to him because of his daughter’s magical wish. He took that… poorly.
Spider: Kyoko’s father murdered the rest of her family and committed suicide, leaving her to a lonely, thankless existence fighting Witches.
Pixie: Kyoko became cynical, selfish and a bit of a psycho. She would eventually soften up a little and become friends with Sayaka, but not before trying to kill her a couple of times.
Spider: Kyoko wields a magical spear that can transform into a blade-tipped chain. She is a very experienced and skilled warrior, and easily outclassed Sayaka in their first meeting. She can also summon a giant spear for heavy-duty attacks.
Pixie: Originally Kyoko was able to create copies of herself, but she lost that power after her family was killed. Instead, she gained the power to create red, magical walls that can serve as barriers. Even other Magical Girls like Homura have trouble breaking through these walls.
Spider: Despite her savvy and skill, Kyoko has her weak-points. She is extremely arrogant and aggressive, often seeking out conflict purely for her own amusement.
Pixie: She’s also a total tsundere for Sayaka.
Spider: …
Pixie: Oh come on, don’t give me that look! You know it’s true. How else do you explain her suddenly sacrificing herself to stop Witch Sayaka?
Spider: …While Kyoko is far from the typical idea of a Magical Girl, she’s a powerful and ruthless combatant, and not be trifled with.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Spider: Alright, our combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Pixie: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!
* * *
Madoka, Homra, Sayaka, Mami and Kyoko stand in the middle of a vast stone arena at night. A set of stadium lights flicks on over-head. A moment later, they all transform into their Magical Girl forms, and summon their weapons.
FIGHT!
Kyoko makes the first move, lashing out at Mami with her spear. Mami pirouettes out of the way and fires back with her musket, but Kyoko blocks the shot with a barrier. Sayaka raises her sword and charges at Homura, but Homura freezes time and vanishes, then reappears on the other side of the arena and hurls a grenade at Mami. The blast sends Mami flying. Meanwhile, Madoka fires a barrage of arrows at Sayaka, who parries them with her cutlass. Suddenly, Kyoko uses her spear-whip to strike Sayaka from behind, slicing open her shoulder. Sayaka turns and charges Kyoko with a cry of rage while Homura fires her uzi at Madoka. Madoka leaps out of the way and fires an explosive homing arrow, but Homura once again stops time and dodges.
Kyoko smirks and repeatedly parries Sayaka’s cutlass, then spins her spear, slicing open Sayaka’s cheek and clubs her in the head with the blunt end of the spear, knocking her prone. Homura turns and fires a rocket-launcher at Kyoko, but Kyoko calmly raises a barrier to stop the projectile, then turns back to Sayaka to launch the finishing blow. Suddenly, golden ribbons rise from the ground and bind Kyoko from head to toe. Kyoko struggles to escape the ribbons, terrified, while Mami aims a musket the size of a tank at her back.
“TIRO FINALE!” Mami shouts, and fires, vaporizing Kyoko and shattering her Soul Gem.
Mami smiles and takes a quick sip of tea before turning back to the battlefield. As she summons a musket and aims at Homura’s head, a brief chill runs through down her spine, and it takes her a moment to realize why. Moments ago, Sayaka had been lying on the ground, and now, she is nowhere to be seen.
A blue blur passes by Mami as Sayaka decapitates her with a single swing of her cutlass, then shatters her Soul Gem. By now, Sayaka’s wounds have healed and she’s ready to return to the fight. She turns back towards Madoka, when suddenly, one of Homura’s bombs appears behind her and explodes, throwing her to the ground and charring her. Sayaka gives a quick yelp of surprise and pain, then blocks out the pain and turns towards Homura with a vicious smirk.
As Sayaka lunges at Homura, Homura draws her katana and parries Sayaka’s cutlass. Homura manages to cut Sayaka’s shoulder, but Sayaka advances, laughing manically and erratically flailing her cutlass. Homura stops time and vanishes. Sayaka turns to hunt her down, when suddenly, one of Madoka’s arrows shatters Sayaka’s Soul Gem. For a moment, Sayaka’s expression turns blank. Her eyes become glassy, and she falls to the ground, dead.
Madoka and Homura, the final combatants, face each other from opposite ends of the arena. Homura attacks first with her uzi, but Madoka nimbly evades the gun-fire and fires back with an arrow. Homura tumbles to the side as the arrow screams past her, then kneels and fires a rocket-launcher. The blast sends Madoka sprawling, but she rises and fires back with a scatter-shot arrow. Homura races towards Madoka, dodging left and right, but an arrow pierces her left calf, and she trips and crashes to the ground, panting. While Homura lies crippled, Madoka takes aim and fires an enormous laser-arrow. As the glow of her impending death races towards her, Homura’s eyes widen, and she quickly reaches for the device on her left arm. Madoka’s arrow blazes through the arena and destroys the distant wall in an explosion of shattered rock and dust. Not a trace of Homura can be seen.
Suddenly, a bomb appears behind Madoka and explodes. The blast sends her flying, and before she can touch the ground, another bomb appears in front of her and explodes, sending her rocketing into the air. Homura’s bombs explode around Madoka rapid-fire, sending her careening from blast to blast like a pinball. The onslaught ends, and Madoka hits the ground, her outfit charred and torn. She reaches for her bow, her hand shaking, when suddenly, Homura appears standing over her, drives the end of her katana through Madoka’s Soul Gem and impales Madoka’s heart.
As Madoka stares up blankly in shock, Homura looks down at her, tearfully, and whispers, “I’m sorry.”
K.O!
...A flat-screen T.V. above a game console shows the letters ‘K.O.’ flashing in front of the image of Homura impaling Madoka. Sayaka curses and tosses down her controller while Kyoko furiously devours a bag of Doritos. Madoka bro-fists Homura and thanks her for a good game while Mami politely raises a toast with a bottle of Morning Rescue.
Post-Battle Analysis[]
Pixie: What.
Spider: What?
Pixie: No.
Spider: Yes.
Pixie: Nope.
Spider: Yup.
Pixie: …The entire fight was just them playing a video-game!? That is the worst twist ending since Super Mario World 2!
Spider: Hey, it’s the only way I could make five middle-school girls murder each other without being completely horrible.
Pixie: Okay, cheesy ending aside, how the hell did Madoka lose? Kyubey flat out says Madoka is the strongest magical girl, and she beat Walpurgis Night, which Homura never did.
Spider: First off, Kyubey is hardly a reliable source of information, considering that deceiving and manipulating people is his modus operandi. Assuming Kyubey was being honest about Madoka’s power, we have to remember that Madoka’s enhanced magical potential was the accumulative result of Homura’s resetting of the time-line, as was Walpurgis’ booming strength, so her extraordinary potential only existed within the final timeline of the series, where she manifested into Goddess Madoka. Removing Homura’s outside influence from the equation, base-level Madoka wasn’t that much stronger than anyone else.
Pixie: Alright, but how the heck did Sayaka last longer than Kyoko? Didn’t Kyoko kick Sayaka’s ass in canon?
Spider: Kyoko is a veteran Magical Girl, highly skilled and ruthless, and she could likely have held her own against any of the girls in a one-on-one duel. In today’s battle royale, things were a bit more complicated. Kyoko’s arrogance and aggression painted her as a target early on. While her barrier was useful, it couldn’t protect her from every angle at once, and her powers are not as versatile as Mami’s or Homura’s. Mami’s immobilizing ribbons gave her an easy way to quickly finish off evasive opponents, but she was simply too careless to survive a prolonged fight against multiple evenly-matched adversaries. Sayaka’s regeneration helped her last longer in this fight than you’d expect, and her speed made her a deadly threat, but she was hindered by her recklessness, and resorting to numbing her pain cost her the speed advantage she needed to stay ahead. Madoka’s arrows gave her a versatile source of fire-power, and she has demonstrated her ability to keep a cool head even in the face of certain death, easily making her one of the most emotionally stable members of the cast. However, she had no defense against Homura’s time manipulation. Neither did any of the other girls, for that matter.
Pixie: Haaax!
Spider: Homura’s time manipulation was easily the best power in this entire match up, allowing her to evade almost every attack the other girls threw at her while setting up attacks the other girls simply couldn’t react to in time. In addition, her time fighting in alternate time-lines gave her a massive advantage in experience and granted her insight into the other girls’ powers and tactics. Homura’s tendency to avoid direct confrontations, coupled with her time-manipulation, did wonders to keep her out of the way and increase her odds of survival while the more aggressive girls like Kyoko and Sayaka plunged in head-first. Thus, Homura was able to out-smart and out-last the other combatants and land the final blow.
Pixie: Looks like Homura showed the other girls why being meguca is suffering.
Spider: The winner is Akemi Homura.
