Mysterion vs Captain Scarlet

Mysterion vs Captain Scarlet
Season	1
Overall Episode	7
Written by	Negaboss2000
Episode guide
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Mysterion vs Captain Scarlet is a What-If Death Battle adopted by Negaboss2000. This fan made Death Battle features Kenny McCormick aka Mysterion, from the South Park franchise and Paul Metcalfe aka Captain Scarlet from his titular franchise, Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons.

Description

South Park vs. Captain Scarlet. Two heroes who come from two heroic organisations and who both possess the power of immortality. But will one of their immortal curses be broken in order to win a Death Battle?

Intro

Wiz: Mysterion, the immortal guardian angel fourth grader of the Freedom Pals.

Boomstick: And Captain Scarlet, the man from Spectrum that fate made indestructible.

Wiz: Since as long as man can remember, the dream of immortality has been theirs to search for. Though in this case, Immortality isn't anything else than a curse, a curse that some possess and go absolutely mad over the fact that they can't die.

Boomstick: Or in the case of the dream, who the f*** wants to live forever?!! Anyways, he's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Mysterion

Boomstick: Over on down in South park, we're gonna have ourselves a time, with friendly faces every and humble folks without any temptation-

Wiz: You know those are the lyrics of the show's song, right?

Boomstick: I know that! Anyway, down in South Park, a lot of crime goes on, and I mean a LOT of crime. That and stuff not rated for any child under the age of, well, you get the picture. Anyways, thirteens seasons running and until eventually we reach get introduced to the superhero episodes. But more them in just a moment.

Wiz: Born into the poor districts of South Park, the kid in the orange hoodie, Kenny lives a normal average life with his friends, Stan, Kyle and Eric. And despite living in a poor house, he lives life like any other kid would.

Boomstick: But there's one thing about Kenny that makes him stand out from all the other kids: HE CAN'T DIE!!! I mean, Jesus Christ dude! They literally kept killing this kid for so many seasons, decapitating him, blowing him up, setting him on fire, and even having him sacrifice himself and go to hell before heaven! What the f*** were these writers on?!!

Wiz: And thirteen seasons later, we see Kenny take on an entirely different identity, a superhero identity that'll be known to everyone as Mysterion, the Netherborn Immortal Fourth Grader.

Boomstick: Yeah! Turns out, Mysterion's main power was not being able to die. I mean, he dies then wakes up the next day completely fine, yet still retains the memories of what happened. Jeez, how does he even live with himself? Turns out, his parents may have figured their involvement with a cult on supernaturalness might've been the cause of it all. This brings back bad memories of my daddy and me!

Wiz: Aside from his immortality, Mysterion also possesses enhanced strength which he used to grab Death, as in literally Death, by the wrist, flip him off a tricycle and then killing him by jumping on him, all without breaking a sweat. Yeah, that's basically what happened...and this was way before Mysterion even existed. Anyway, he's also strong enough to climb a drainpipe whilst carrying his younger sister, Karen McCormick.

Boomstick: He's also a skilled fighter, not just when he hit Butters in the eye with a shuriken, and jesus, that looked like it really hurt, but he was also able to put two girls in the hospital, and I really wouldn't recommend hitting a girl, and beat the absolute s*** outta bully trying to protect his little sister. And he also has firecrackers which he uses to distract anyone and make a quick getaway...or perhaps use them to blow the pants off anyone. Heh...I know I'd do that.

Wiz: In the games, such as The Fractured But Whole...

Boomstick: Heh, But Whole. I get it.

Wiz: Yeah yeah, get it all outta your system, Boomstick. So anyway, in the game I mentioned, Mysterion has been shown to possess many other powers as a Netherborn, such as Demonic Fury, Dread Rush and Dark Whisper.

Boomstick: And let's not forget his ultimate: Cruel Fate. A move which literally has Mysterion killing himself to burn all his enemies and then transform into Dead Mysterion, which gives him more accessible powers. Seriously, what kind of a move is that?!!

Wiz: Look, there's no way to sugar coat it. The only way to access Dead Mysterion is to have him die, literally he blows himself up with explosives, and...yeah, you get the picture.

Boomstick: As Dead Mysterion, he can use moves like the Phantom Chill, which chills his foes, Marked for Death, which lowers their defences, Spooked, which confuses his enemies and his ultimate, Mysterion Re-rising, which brings him back to life and heals his allies that are around him. Wiz, whaddya think it would be like to become like that?

Wiz: Like I said before, he needs to kill himself to do that, but I wouldn't recomm-

(Boomstick blows up a piece of dynamite in hopes of becoming like Dead Mysterion, only to see that he didn't die and instead left his hat on fire and his clothes dirty with black soot)

Boomstick: Yeah...I don't think I thought this through at all...

Wiz: Mysterion made his debut in season 13, where he took over the role of South Park's protector from The Coon, who happens to be Eric Cartman's superhero name. Why they decided to call him that we will never know. The point being, he took over Cartman's superhero role as South Park's protector, so much so that he was even more popular too...until Cartman's scheme to get him unmasked got him arrested.

Boomstick: Why that fat kid! Why'd have to spoil that for everyone?!!

Wiz: However, he later returned in a bunch of other superhero episodes, this time with other superheroes, like Human Kite, ToolShed, Mosquito, Iron Maiden, Tupperware, yeah...it's South Park, so it's pretty obvious there'll be names like them.

Boomstick: Man...I'd sure love my own superhero name. (Spins around and reappears as a superhero with a red cape a red mask and beer-like gauntlets.) How would the name Beer-Man sound?

(Wiz just stares at Boomstick in annoyance)

Boomstick: Yeah...probably a dumb name.

Wiz: So anyway, Mysterion has taken on so many villains, either alone or with the help of his friends, Coon and Friends or The Freedom Pals.

Boomstick: Yeah, like Professor Chaos and General Disarray, even their Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme, god how'd they get so many minions and tinfoil into something like that?!! He's also taken on the dark god Cthulhu, who hails from the City of R'Lyeh, the former face of Subway Jared, Mitch Conner, who just happens to be Eric Cartman's hand puppet, the racist elder god Shub-Niggurath who feeds on African-Americans given to her by the racist cops from the South Park Police Department, god those guys are a******s!!!

Wiz: I-It's basically true. Somehow the elder god lives underneath the police station and it's never really explained how but you get the idea. No way of sugar-coating it.

Boomstick: Mysterion's even defeated a mutant version of Kyle's cousin, who just happens to also be called Kyle too. But the worst villain that Mysterion, let alone any other hero, yes, even the New Kid, has ever faced, the most evilest, horrible b****** to ever walk the face of the earth! Stephen Stotch.

Wiz: He's basically the father of Professor Chaos, or as we know him, Butters Stotch, who constantly grounds him for no reason, and even grounding others too, inflicted so much trauma on him, nearly kill him at one point and even beat him up too, sold him to Paris Hilton for 200 million dollars, abandon him for 16 years, and worst of all, he gets away with everything and believes he's a good parent.

Boomstick: That b****** even gives bad parents a bad name!

Wiz: Ok, well getting back to the subject, Mysterion has also done so many deeds over the course of his duty as a hero, and even without and before the costume too. He fixed a hospital backup generator using his own body to connect the wires, tried to capture the Redbox killers over trick-or-treating, wishing to save the world over wanting to get out of Hell itself, and one of the best things he could ever do is be there for his little sister, who looks up to her own selfless big brother for protection.

Boomstick: Man, that's so pure of freaking heart! Heck, the crazy bastard even killed himself in the City of R'Lyeh so he could wake up back on Earth in his bed to save his friends and defeat Cthulhu. If he's not a true friend then who is? Kenny's been one of the best characters throughout the entirety of South Park, he's cute, loyal to his friends, saved everyone in Heaven by playing a PSP game and even created a time machine to try and find and stop Covid from happening. God bless that kid...

Wiz: Yeah, and that took place in the future as well.

Boomstick: So evildoers beware, if you threaten South Park, or even Karen McCormick, and if your name is Stephen Scotch, then you'd better beware, otherwise you'll get your ass kicked by Mysterion, the immortal fourth grader superhero.

Mysterion: I'm an angel keeping watch over the city at night. As violence and darkness take over the streets I work to rid this city of crime. I'm the symbol this town needs.

Captain Scarlet

Wiz: In the year 2068 AD, a Martian exploration team, which included one member from the Spectrum organisation, went to Mars in search of a strange radio signal source which had been discovered from being monitored on Earth. There they discovered a mysterious alien city on the surface of Mars, a race which would eventually be known as The Mysterons.

Boomstick: You'd probably think they'd get along well like "We come in piece" or something, right? Well, you're wrong. That dumb guy known as Captain Black fired on the complex out of fear of being blown to pieces. And that was a mistake because the next thing that happened was the Mysterons rebuilt their city with a blue beam and then the aliens declared war on Earth. Oh god, the earth-men f***** up big time!

Wiz: This rebuilding power would later be referred to as Retro-Metabolism, an ability the Mysterons discovered which is known as the secret of reversing matter, meaning they can heal any injuries and even recreate the exact likeness of an object or person, all after destroying the original latter, whichever. This is accomplished when two glowing green circles passing over them and then, well, you get the picture.

Boomstick: Wait, so if I broke a beer bottle, does that mean I can recreate another one?

Wiz: Well, yes but I wouldn't-

Boomstick: Too late!

(Boomstick smashes a pack of beer bottles on the ground and then Mysteron circles pass over them before recreating a similar pack of them in Boomstick's hand. He tries one and surprisingly can't tell the difference between the beer he smashed and the recreated one.)

Wiz: Taste any different?

Boomstick: Doesn't taste weird or anything. Wait...did those aliens poison them to kill me?!! Oh god please, I didn't do anything to you guys!

(Boomstick freaks out much to Wiz's annoyance.)

Wiz: Anyway, after the Mysterons then take control of Captain Black and have the guy return to Earth, they decide to make him their agent to get revenge on Earth as well as destroying anything and anyone in order to recreate them under their control.

Boomstick: And so those Mysterio-uh, Mysterious mo-no that's not right, Mysteronites-oh for f*** sake! Anyways, those aliens started their war of nerves, why it was called that we will never know. But after they started, they may have goofed up a little, because they didn't count on one of Spectrum's agents gaining their power, and that man was known as Paul Metcalfe, otherwise known as Captain Scarlet.

Wiz: While trying to rendezvous with the World President of Earth, an accident created by the Mysterons occurred and cause Captain Scarlet to crash where they made him into their second agent after the first one, being Captain Brown, failed to kill the president. Ultimately, this resorted to them using Captain Scarlet to kidnap the president from Cloudbase and fly to England, which ultimately cornered him and left him to be shot by Captain Blue and made him fall 800 feet to his demise.

Boomstick: But apparently he didn't die there and then. Apparently Captain Scarlet returned to life and even gained the ability to not die permanently! Jesus, how the hell is that possible?!! Oh man, I've gotta stop drinking late at night.

Wiz: What was once a huge problem for Spectrum soon turned into their greatest asset against the Mysterons. Captain Scarlet gained the power of retro-metabolism, meaning that not only did he gain his original personality back from the aliens, but now he gained an ability to heal any physical injuries that nobody could sustain and even get resurrected from death itself, which made him virtually indestructible.

Boomstick: You bet your ass he is! He's survived everything sent to kill him, from being shot who knows how many times, to dying in car crashes to, dying by seizure during an operation and so on. If that wasn't bad enough, then getting badly wounded by anything turns him into a freaking ghost!!!

Wiz: Technically when that happens, Captain Scarlet's body can separate his emotional and physical components in order to heal his body quicker, like what Boomstick claimed, though with the only detection of it being the coldness of the latter.

Boomstick: All that, and he's still alive! God, how can he live with himself?!!

Wiz: Furthermore, it's not just those abilities that Captain Scarlet possesses. On a few occasions, Scarlet is capable of feeling the presence of a Mysteron agent, which is triggered whenever he feels nauseated and/or unwell. In fact, it's been stated that Scarlet and Captain Black shared a similar telepathic link with each other, something which the leader of Spectrum, Colonel White, finds to their advantage in the war against the Mysterons, and it's learned that Captain Scarlet possesses a couple of traits from them, such as being invulnerable to x-rays and vulnerability to electricity, something which Spectrum would come to use for technology upon discovery.

Boomstick: Though in this case, I don't think electricity works on Cap since...well, you get the picture. But even with all those powers, Captain Scarlet is still has so many of his skills before he became indestructible. For one thing, he's a trained soldier from US Special Forces, which explains where he gets his badass martial art skills and awesome skills with a gun.

Wiz: Scarlet is also a very skilled pilot and astronaut as shown throughout the series, like when he pilots various vehicles such as the Spectrum Passanger Jet, or SPJ for short, or the Moon Mobile, a vehicle on the moon with such engineering it could only be used on just the moon itself...

Boomstick: Or my personal favourite, the SPV, also called the motherf*****' Spectrum Pursuit vehicle! My god that 10-wheeled beast's an absolute beauty! If I had one of those things my wife would definitely have to take me back!

Wiz: The Spectrum Pursuit Vehicle is known as Spectrum's solution in terms of high speed chases. It can reach up to 200 miles per hour, weighs 8 tons, and has a minimal seating capacity of 3 people. It also puts safety first by placing it's driver backwards, therefore minimising and damage caused by a crash, which does tend to happen to the vehicle throughout the series, and also has a screen that relays footage from the front of the vehicle so they can drive the vehicle like any other car.

Boomstick: The SPV also carries a range of weapons for kicking the ass off of those villainous aliens too. Like a forward mounted laser cannon, capable of firing gigantic laser beams or with some versions, possess ground to air missiles. The vehicle is durable enough to take hits from explosives, strong enough to ram a truck off the road and even strong take down a whole airplane just by destroying it's landing wheels. Oh god, now I really gotta get me one of those things!!!

Wiz: And some SPVs possess aqua jets which allow the vehicle to travel on water, but most importantly, they possess motor driving tank tracks on the back, allowing them to go fast on all kinds of terrains, such as snow or sand for example.

Boomstick: Man, Captain Scarlet's got the best of the best! No wonder Spectrum chose him as their main man to take on the little green b******* from Mars. He's tricked the Mysterons on several occasions, thwarted nearly all of their plans to conquer Earth and kill anyone important, saved so many lives if it meant sacrificing his own life and even went undercover, as a model!

Wiz: So while the war of nerves against the Mysterons rages on, and even if there are a few victories the Mysterons will gain, you can be guaranteed by one thing: Captain Scarlet is out there, you may knock him down, or kill him, but he'll get back up, he'll never back down and he'll never stop fighting to protect his world.

Captain Scarlet: You can't kill me. Your Mysteron buddies fixed that. Do you think they get irony on Mars?

Intermission

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.

Boomstick: It's time for an immortal Death Battle!

Death Battle

The scene begins in South Park during the early hours of the evening, where Captain Scarlet is walking along the sidewalk for any new signs of the next Mysteron target. However, he couldn’t help but notice the crime going on in the quiet mountain town, shown when he saw Stephen Stotch get knocked out out by a random redneck with glowing eyes.

He then happened to notice a band of heroes chasing a bunch of Sixth Graders who seemed to have kidnapped a little girl. One of them seemed to call one of their members Mysterion, something which caught the attention of Captain Scarlet immediately, and got him to contact Spectrum Cloudbase.

Captain Scarlet: Colonel, I’ve arrived at the location where they Mysteron activity was sighted. I might have found the Mysteron agent and I’ll investigate now.

Colonel White: Get to it immediately, Scarlet. I cannot stress this enough. Whoever the Mysterons are planning, or who have already planned, to take over, they must be stopped before any damage is done.

Captain Scarlet: SIG, Colonel.

Captain Scarlet rushed after the little heroes, he saw the group beat up the sixth graders and save the little girl, who thanked them gratefully. Scarlet got out his gun and aimed it at the head of the one called Mysterion, hoping to end the threat. However, Mysterion saw Scarlet aim at his head, from the corner of his eye, and dodged out the way. He even grabbed the little girl and hoped to get her out of the way too, but the bullet hit straight through her hand, causing her to scream in pain.

Mysterion: Karen!

Human Kite: Holy s***, dude!

Mysterion immediately got out a bandage and wrapped it around Karen’s hand to help ease the bloody wound. Captain Scarlet meanwhile was shocked to see what he’d done while seeing the little girl cry in pain.

Mysterion: You f****** animal! I don’t know who you are and what the hell you’re doing here, but you just made a big mistake hurting Karen.

Captain Scarlet: I can assure you it wasn’t my intention to hurt the little girl, Mysteron agent. But I cannot let you hurt anyone else, and if you try to resist, I will destroy you.

The other heroes, especially Toolshed, wanted to take on Captain Scarlet, by Mysterion stepped in front of them, showing he was going to handle the fight personally, that and he wanted them to keep an eye on Karen’s wound, to Super Craig’s annoyance.

Mysterion: You just messed with the wrong immortal fourth grader, a******! And it’s Mysterion not Mysteron, whatever the f*** that means! Either way, I’m gonna rip you apart for this!

Fight

Mysterion leapt towards Captain Scarlet, tackling him to the ground, causing him to drop his gun in the process, and punched him non stop. However, Captain Scarlet immediately kicked his foe off of him within a moment.

Captain Scarlet then acted, doing a barrel roll, picking up his gun and began shooting at Mysterion, only for the dark hero to dodge each of the shots. After trying to punch his foe, Mysterion heard a scream, catching him off guard for Captain Scarlet to kick him in the face. The two turned to see Karen being taken away by a band of hooded figures.

Karen: Guardian Angel, please help me!!!

Mysterion: Karen! Hold on, I'm coming!!!

Mysterion attempted to chase down down the hooded figures and rescue Karen along with the other Freedom Pals, but he was cut off when Captain Scarlet got in front of him.

Captain Scarlet: You aren't going anywhere, Mysteron agent!

Captain Scarlet tried shooting Mysterion in the head, only for Mysterion himself to use his dread rush to pass through his foe and even kick him in the back to gain more momentum. He then pursued the figures with his other foe chasing behind him. However, it wasn't too long before Captain Scarlet caught up with Mysterion and slammed him into a nearby wall.

Captain Scarlet: The jig is up. Surrender or be destroyed.

Mysterion: Kiss my a***, red boy!

Mysterion grabbed a stick of dynamite from his belt, shoved into Captain Scarlet's jacket and leapt off of him before shooting it with the gun, blowing both of them up in the process. All the while, some of the Freedom Pals looked in horror as this happened.

Toolshed: Oh my god! He killed-!!!

Mysterion then reappeared as Dead Mysterion in front of his friends.

Toolshed: Oh nevermind.

Mysterion was about to continue the pursuit to save Karen again, even as a ghost, but he suddenly noticed Captain Scarlet was still alive, even getting to his feet with his retro-metabolism surprisingly healing him earlier than expected.

Dead Mysterion: Hey...why the f*** didn't you die?!!

Captain Scarlet: Same reason you're about to, Mysteron.

Dead Mysterion then rushed after the hooded figures despite being shot by Captain Scarlet, the shots of which phased though him. After that, Captain Scarlet noticed Jimbo's Guns and rushed towards it almost immediately. Inside, he went up to Jimbo, who had just finished talking with Randy.

Captain Scarlet: Captain Scarlet, Spectrum. SPV Zero Zero Zero.

Jimbo: Identification please?

After a few moments, an Spectrum Pursuit Vehicle burst out of the store, leaving a huge hole and an amazed Randy and shocked Jimbo behind, and zoomed off towards Mysterion.

Randy: See, told you someone would come get it sooner or later.

Jimbo: Remind me why does South Park even had something like that?

Randy: (Shrugs) Eh, I dunno. Old-time references?

Dead Mysterion meanwhile had found a Mack R-600 truck, used by Mel Gibson, in a junk yard and, after returning to life in surprisingly short time, he jumped into the driver's seat and chased after the the hooded figures in their van.

Mysterion: Hang on, Karen! I'm on my way!

Mysterion sped up and tried to ram the van off the road, only to feel the right side of the truck get bashed by something. Looking out to the right, Kenny saw the SPV, trying to ram him off the road instead.

Mysterion: Man, you're really one persistent f*****, aren't you?!!

With the explosives he had left on him, Mysterion lit them one by one and tried to blow up his pursuer, though he had little success as he kept getting bashed by the vehicle, even when he tried to bash the SPV off the road as well. It became too intense that both vehicles span out of control and crashed, though not before Captain Scarlet ejected and Mysterion leapt from the truck.

Meanwhile, the hooded figures who'd kidnapped Karen, and surprisingly Butters, stopped to observe the two fighting against each other. Two of those hooded figures happened to be Stephen Stotch and Harrison Yates, both of whom had been possessed by the Mysterons.

Stephen Stotch (Mysteron): Should we intervene and kill them both?

Harrison Yates (Mysteron): No. Let the Earthmen destroy each other. We must convert these two young ones to carry out our plan.

Karen: No! I don't want to be converted! I want my mommy! Guardian Angel, help me!

Hearing Karen's screams, as well as overhearing part of the conversation, Mysterion and Captain Scarlet turned towards the group, discovering that THEY were the Mysterons all along.

Mysterion: Hey a*******! Get your damn hands off her!!!

Thinking quickly, Mysterion grabbed the Mysteron gun that Captain Scarlet tried to use on him, threw the last dynamite he had on him and blasted it in an explosion that consumed the mysteron-controlled group, including Stephen and Yates, both of whom exploded in a bloody explosion. Though they weren't harmed by said explosion, Karen and Butters were splattered with blood.

Captain Scarlet: So...they were the Mysteron agents all along.

As Captain Scarlet got to his feet in disbelief, he noticed Mysterion, who during the fight had his hood and mask ripped off, approaching Karen gently.

Mysterion: Karen, are you ok...?

Karen looked to her guardian angel...and gasped, seeing that familiar hair and face, the one she'd known her whole life...Kenny.

Karen: Kenny...? You were my guardian angel all along?

Kenny looked away, feeling that Karen would hate him for keeping the secret...only for his little sister to hug him gently. And Kenny felt relieved she was ok, even when Captain Scarlet approached him from behind.

Captain Scarlet: Well...I believe thanks are in order. Apologies for the misunderstanding and...shooting your sister.

Mysterion: No problem. Still...we should probably get back to town and treat it.

And with that, the three walked back towards South Park as they met up with the rest of the Freedom Pals, leaving Butters to follow behind in a calm manner...well, until he saw the ghostly spirit of his father.

Stephen Stotch (Ghost): DAMMIT BUTTERS!!! IF I EVER GET OUT OF HELL, YOU'RE GROUNDEEEEEEED!!!

All this before he was dragged to hell by Satan himself, and Butters felt relieved for the first time in his life.

KO

Wiz: Wait, are you kidding me?!! Who won the fight?!! Th-There had to be-

Boomstick: Wiz, c'mon. At least Kenny didn't die again, and that says a lot 'cause he's been dying too many times.

Wiz: But there has to be a victor. Right?

Results

Boomstick: Basically, both of them had fighting skills, though not as even as you'd think. Mysterion was mostly a street level fighter, where as Captain Scarlet was was a trained soldier.

Wiz: Both of them have had their fair share of fighting villains, with Mysterion fighting stereotypical kind of villains and such and Captain Scarlet fighting the forces of the Mysteron war of nerves.

Boomstick: Hell, when it all came down to it, you'd think their own core abilities to not die would be enough to kill one of them eventually, but that clearly wasn't the case here.

Wiz: Both of them could literally not die. Captain Scarlet could kill Mysterion, though he'd be reborn and come back to life and kill the latter. Though with his retro-metabolism, Captain Scarlet could come back to life and kill Mysterion again, but then he'd-yeah...you get where I'm going.

Boomstick: Ultimately, this fight would go on until the end of time. And let's face it, nobody wants to stick around for that long.

Wiz: B-But, Boomstick, you realise this is a Death Battle, right? Shouldn't someone have died?

Boomstick: Oh don't you worry, Wiz. We can easily give that to Stephen Stotch. The guy had it coming after all those times he abused poor Butters.

Wiz: Yeesh...guess I can't argue with that. Anyways, Mysterion and Captain Scarlet were incredibly persistant opponents who could come back from any kind of damage.

Boomstick: Though in a way, it sucks to be them, because, and I quote, who the hell wants to live forever?

(Wiz groans in annoyance)

Boomstick: What? It's not like those could hear me, right?

Wiz: This battle is a draw.

Trivia

• The connections between Mysterion and Captain Scarlet are that they both revive from fatal injuries that any normal human wouldn't be able to survive. They've also fought the forces of evil to protect the innocent from the wrath of the villains.