Two Most Smartest Members Of Their Group|writer=Flowerguy1|season=Off-Season|season_episode=Off-Season|overall_episode=|air_date=July 27, 2022|previous_episode=TBA|image1=
|next_episode=TBA}}
Moxxie VS Simmons Is An What If? Death Battle Made By Flowerguy1, It Features Moxxie From Helluva Boss, Fighting Against An Red Cyborg, Richard "Dick" Simmons From Red VS Blue.
Description[]
Helluva Boss VS Red VS Blue! These Two Member Who Are Disrespected By The Leader Of The Group Are Here To Battled It Out! Who Will Win? Does Moxxie Get An Another Victim? Or Does Simmons Simmonsized Moxxie?
Prelude[]
(Cues Wiz And Boomstick)
Boomstick: The Smartest Members Of The Group, They Think With Their Brain! Try To Think Of An Plan! But They Leader Of The Group, Is Kinda An D*ck To Them!
Wiz: That What We Have These Two Smartest Member And Gun Wielder Have These Types Of Life, Like Moxxie, The Demon Weapon Expert Assassin!
Boomstick: And Simmons, The Gun Wielder Nerd In Blood Gulch! He's Wiz And Im Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a death battle.
Moxxie[]
(Cues HELLUVA BOSS "Assassination Theme")
Boomstick: Demon In The Pit Of Hell, Where Your Worst Fricking Fear And Scary Thing And Blah Blah Blah
Wiz: Buuuutttttt... In The World Of Helluva Boss, Hell Is Very Different From The Original One
Boomstick: Like Instead Of Fricking Torture In The Hell, Peoples Who Did Bad Thing Just Walk Around In The City, Just Like Earth! But Instead All Of Those Peoples Who Did Killed Someone...
Wiz: As The Peoples Want To Killed The Guy Who Killed Them, The I.M.P. Are Here To Save You, As They Goes To The Mortal World And Do The Jobs For Them!
Boomstick: After All, The Leader Need The Money! But There One Small Demon Guy, Who Is Smartest In The Group!
Wiz: This Was Moxxie, The Weapon Expert!
Death Battle Info[]
- Full Name: Moxxie
- Species: Imp Demon
- Age: Unknown
- Weight: Unknown
- Height: 4 Feet Tall
- Like: Cooking, Musical Theater, Millie
- Dislike: Theme Parks, Killing Innocent
- Goal: Unknown
- Husband of Millie
- Assassins and Weapons Expert for the I.M.P
Boomstick: Moxxie Is An Demon, So He's Immunes To Being On Fire! No Matter Being On Fire!
Wiz: He's Also Immortality! As Demon Like Him, Demon Never Age And Stay The Same Thing And Could Survived Being Crushed, Beaten And Shot!
Boomstick: He's Also Have An Revolvers! He's Can Shoot Them Into The Foes Skull!
Wiz: Even An Custom Handgun! To Shoot At His Own Opponents, Just Like The Revolvers He's Have!
Boomstick: An M16 Rifle To Shoot Crazy Everywhere At The Opponents! If He's Ran Out, He's Can Grab The Edge Of The Gun And Hit Them Like An Bat!
Wiz: And A Commando Assault Rifle, It Like The M16 Rifle, Like Shooting At The Opponents And Could Melee Attack.
Boomstick: An Crossbow To Fire The Bow At The Opponents Heads Or Body. And It Could Maybe Cut Through The Human Body!
Wiz: An Shotgun To Fire Many Bullets At Once And Blown The Human Head Apart!
Boomstick: And The Hunting Bow To Hunt Some Human!
Wiz: Even Got Some Three Mini Chain Saws To Throw It At The Foes, Cutting Off Their 3 Limbs Off.
Boomstick: Katanas To Use It As An Sword To Maybe Block Bullet And Sliced Off Peoples Limbs!
Wiz: An Tommy Gun To Fire Bullet At The Foes, As In The Old Flim, The User Who Use The Tommy Gun Could Move Around To Fire The Bullet Around!
Boomstick: And The Most Powerful Gun Is The Blessing-Tipped Rifles, An Powerful Gun To Destroy Any Demon Soul Once Shot!
Powers & Arsenal[]
- Fire Resistance
- Immortality
- Revolvers
- Customized Handgun
- M16 Assault Rifle
- Crossbow
- 3 Mini Chain Saws
- Tommy Gun
- Katanas
| “ | OKAY, Sir! I'm Sorry, A Commercial Jingle Is Not Comparable To Musical Theatre! NOBODY ACTUALLY LIKES THE JINGLES! | „ |
Simmons[]
(Cues Round One (feat. Lamar Hall))
| “ | You're About To Get Simmonsized! | „ |
Pre-Death Battle[]
Death Battle[]
Fight![]
KO![]
Result[]
Song Track[]
The Song Track Would Be Called: Professionals Smarty A$$
Trivia[]
- The Connections:
- Two Red Sporting Gun Wielding Member Of The Mercany Groups, Both Are Known For Being To Be Smarter Member In Their Group, Both Often Get Disrespected By The Leader Of The Group (Blitzo And Sarge), Despite This However. They Do Have Complicated Loved Or Hated Relationship With Their Leader, Both Are Seen With Members Of The Group Their Are Rarely Seen Without Them (Millie And Griff)
Description[]
Helluva Boss VS Red VS Blue! These two smartasses are constantly getting into trouble that their bosses are causing, but who's the bigger smartass? The Weapons Expert of I.M.P.? Or Red Team's Kickass Kissass?
Interlude[]
Boomstick: Nerds. They're everywhere! They're in school, in science labs, and there's even one standing next to me right now.
Wiz: Indeed, and I'm proud of it, and these two nerds aren't your typical, stereotypical, easy-to-be-ridiculed-
Boomstick: Although they kinda are.
Wiz: ...Nerds. Like Moxxie Knolastname... yes that is his... wait is that his real last name?
Boomstick: And Richard 'Dick" Simmons, the professional kissass of Red Team
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Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle!
Moxxie is a PEGGED to fight in DEATH BATTLE![]
Boomstick: Welcome to Hell! While it's true that it's a cesspool of all the worst people alive, it's also home to the most infamous killing business in Hell! ...Considering it is the ONLY killing business there.
Wiz: That's true Boomstick, and within that killing business stands the son of a mafia boss, expected to be ruthless and unforgiving... he's the exact opposite. Enter Moxxie Knolastname... yes that's his apparently his real last name.
Background[]
- Name: Moxxie Knolastname
- Age: 25-28
- Weight: Unknown (Probably fat)
- Height: 4'6
- Species: Imp (Is also a Possum)
- Millie's Husband
- Assassins and Weapons Expert for the I.M.P
- Likes: Opera, Millie, Getting Pegged
- Dislikes: Blitz's antics, Striker, his dad
Boomstick: I'm sorry? KNO.LAST.NAME? God it's like if his dad wanted him to get caught as a mafia member.
Wiz: Maybe true, as Moxxie's early life was... complicated, while his father, Crimson, was definitely abusive, his mother was the complete opposite.
Boomstick: So Crimson did the only reasonable thing that a terrible father would've done. Kill his wife- okay, that might be a bit overboard on the terrible father stereotype.
Wiz: Definitely, anyways, after going to jail thanks to his ex-boyfriend, he met Blitz, who would hire him in his business. The Immediate Murder Professionals, there he would be hired to kill the living, but also, he would find true love in I.M.P.
Boomstick: Yep! Millie, and this isn't some soft, city bitch, she's a country bitch, which means she's basically a ninja who can carry weapons twice her size. Say all the shit you want about him, you can't deny he's got the jackpot.
Wiz: Indeed, however he isn't as strong as his subordinates, considering he isn't really the guy to get up close and personal with his hands. However, there's a reason on why he's the Weapons Expert of I.M.P.
Arsenal[]
- Customized Handgun
- Revolvers
- Shotgun
- 3 Mini Chainsaws
- Katana
- Crossbow
- Assault Rifle
- Knife
- Tommy Gun
- Blessing Tipped Rifle
Boomstick: Now we're talking! He's got a customized hand gun, an assault rifle, a shotgun, three mini chainsaws, a crossbow, a katana, and like all mobsters, he has a tommy gun and a knife.
Wiz: But if I had to pick one weapon from the bunch, it has to be the Blessing Tipped Rifle.
(Cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: Wiz, not to question your stupidity, but are you sure you want to use a simple sniper rifle? I mean seriously! It isn't even a shotgun!
Wiz: Don't be underestimated by this gun, what might seem like a normal sniper rifle, is actually a one-of-a-kind weapon, created by the Weapons Overlord, Carmilla Carmine. Crafted with a metal, so rare in Hell, it can only be found in the hands of angels. Not only can this weapon permanently rid Sinner's souls for good, it can even kill demon royalty, like Stolas and Asmodeus, who topple the lower ranks of hell with ease.
Boomstick: Okay... I GUESS that makes up for the fact that it isn't a shotgun, but, whatever!
(Cut to Analysis)
Boomstick: So Mox ain't the toughest Imp of the crew but he's definitely the smartest... but he's a total pansy.
Wiz: You might have a point Boomstick. Despite his intelligence, he's definitely lacking in the strength category. Not to mention, even though he's the most logical one of his group, he's constantly the one who keeps screwing up the assassinations. Despite this, he has his share of feats.
Feats[]
- Survived being bitten by a shark and elbow-dropped by it in one day
- Survived getting strangled by Striker
- Can hit a target with a pistol without even looking at it
- Could possibly react to bullets
- Kept up with Striker
- Stood up to his father
- Survived the explosion of Loo Loo Land
- Survived a metal staircase crushing him
- Defeated the C.H.E.R.U.B.S. twice, Striker, the D.H.O.R.K.S.
Wiz: He's able to survive getting strangled and keep up with Striker, can shoot a target without looking, react to bullets, survive a metal staircase crushing him, and being bitten several times by a shark... then was elbow-dropped by the same shark... in the same day.
Boomstick: Since there's a shark in my bathtub I know that a shark's bite is around 18 metric tons in psi.
Wiz: That is... correct! I'm impressed, and not only that, he survived Loo Loo Land exploding, which we equated to nearly 3 tons of TNT, and he can keep up with speeds with Mach 26.7. However, he is far from perfect.
Boomstick: Yeah, he's incredibly weak, to the point he can't even take a simple punch. Also, he has a tendency to screw up missions, where it's supposed to be easy.
Wiz: But still, Mox is one tough sonuvabitch, and will do whatever it takes to kill his target.
Moxxie: I said I'm not doing it sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve, and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her. Not even you. I'm leaving, Dad! And if you or Herpes the Clown over here—
Chaz: Hey!
Moxxie: [louder] Try to stop me, you'll learn firsthand just how good I've gotten at my job.
Simmons kisses DEATH BATTLE!'s ass[]
Wiz: In the distant future, one doesn't need the news to know about the war against the Covenant, to combat this the UNSC created the SPARTANS, soldiers unlike anything the Covenant has seen.
Boomstick: But we aren't focusing on the Master Chief here, we're talking about Project Freelancer. Basically, they had the idea to use A.I. to enhance their soldiers, but shit went down, and they had to hid the only A.I. they had, known as, the Alpha.
Wiz: But where would they hid it, then the perfect idea came into play, they would hid the Alpha... in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere. Enter the Red Team. Super Colonel Sarge, Dexter Grif, Franklin Delano Donut, Lopez the Heavy, and Richard "Dick" Simmons.
Background[]
- Name: Richard "Dick" Simmons
- Age: Unknown
- Weight: Unknown
- Height: At least 6ft
- 1/8th Cryborg
- Dutch Irish
- Knows Esperanto
- Likes: Taking All the Credit, Sarge (as a father figure and leader), Grif (at times)
- Dislikes: His Co-Workers, Grif’s BS, Sarge’s Plans (Though he rarely admit it)
Wiz: Note, even though everything after Season 13, IS a simulation, it takes all of the characters' life and background, not to mention, they are ways that Red VS Blue could've ended, so we'll be giving him and future RvB characters as well, all of their feats and arsenal. INCLUDING PSAs.
Boomstick: After an incident where he and Grif, who he had recently met, led their former Sargent, Hammer, to his foolish demise. Eventually the two would enter Blood Gulch and would be supervised under their new Sargent...Sarge. Yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't know why, but that Sarge seems so familiar.
Wiz: Simmons is by far the smartest member of Red Team, but is kind of a nervous wreck and a kissass. Mostly around women and Sarge, even going as far to refuse to call out Sarge's obviously flawed plans, but he has the tools and abilities to make sure Sarge's plans always work.
Arsenal[]
- MA37 Individual Combat Weapon System
- BR55 Heavy Barrel Service Rifle
- M66 Mangum
- AIE-486H Heavy Machine Gun
- M41 SPNKR Rocket Launcher
- 2x Type-33 Guided Munitions Launcher
- M7/Caseless Submachine Gun
- Sticky Detonator
- Combat Knife
- CQS-48 Combat Shotgun
- Time Portal Gun
Boomstick: He's got your usual weapons for a futuristic soldier, he has MA5C Assault Rifle with a firing rate of 900 rounds per minutes, the BR55 Heavy Barrel Service Rifle, it has an absurd range of more than 3000 feet and can fire in bursts or single rounds, and of course, the M66 Magnum, which has shots strong enough to fragment stone. Then there's the M7/Caseless Submachine Gun, with an effective range of 150 feet, and a combat knife for close ranged combat both perfect for your close combat needs, but my favorite weapon of his has to be the one given to Sarge while dying, a gift where he would lead the next generation of the glorious Reds! The CQS-48 Combat Shotgun! This baby is a semi-automatic, pump action shotgun which fires 12-gauge shells from a seven-round rotating drum, witch, unlike the past models of the shotgun, allows the shotgun to be reloaded faster, making it perfect for close range.
Wiz: Well that is true, but I prefer the M41 SPNKR, questionable name aside, it is a reusable, 2-rocket disposable tube assembly, surface-to-surface rocket launcher, with an effective range of 400 meters, heat-seeking missiles that lock onto a target, and an energy output of over 0.7 tons of TNT, this model of the rocket launcher is undoubtfully powerful. He also supports two Needlers, which are loaded with heat-seeking purple crystals that after a few seconds when hitting their target, they explode and kill the target.
Boomstick: Also, if he wants to fuck with his opponent, he's got a Sticky Detonator, with Magnetic C-4 Grenade Rounds that can attach to anything, paired with a short timer, it's useful for screwing over your opponents when they get the upper hand, and if he's feeling tough, he brings out the AIE-486H Heavy Machine Gun, which is just the gatling gun of the Warthog, rip it off and a near endless bullet hell will be directed towards you!
Wiz: However, the Time Portal Gun is his most useful.
(Cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Boomstick: Yeah, that thing is overpowered, cause it shoots "Donut Holes" that allow you to travel across time and space.
Wiz: In theory you could use this weapon to trap your opponent in an inescapable prison... or send them to the beginning of time, safe to say this weapon is highly advanced, so advanced that only Chrovos could make them.
Boomstick: Didn't you say that you were working on something like that? Said it could prevent your future turned present day problems?
Wiz: On behalf on all the paradoxes I've created, and problems against celestials, I'm not able to tell you the details.
(Cut to Analysis)
Wiz: Anyways, with all these weapons, it's no wonder, despite his incompetence, has accomplished insane feats.
Feats[]
- Outran grenades from the Brute Shot.
- Reflexes fast enough to block a blow from the Brute Shot that would likely have killed him.
- Landed perfectly on his feet when jumping down a deep chasm
- When surrounded at all sides by Space Pirates, Simmons devises a plan to use the ship's engine as a smokescreen allowing the remaining Chorus' forces to successfully escape
- Hacked into the computers of Freelance Command
- Sarge himself admits he has good leadership skills and would've been given a squad if he really wanted it
- Probably the only soldier who would've actually been qualified to be in the actual army, but he failed only because he was taking his time during the testing
- Created "Simmons" and "Basebook" (his own versions of Google and Facebook)
- Managed to hang onto a Warthog that was flipping through the air which was also exploded by the Meta.
- Had a giant steel grate kicked into him by Agent Texas.
- Had nearly his entire body shot by Needler projectiles and was ok, though he was rendered unconscious
- Survived being inside a Warthog as it blew up
- Survived a 50 megaton bomb
- Outsmarted an eon aged cosmic A.I.
- Is 90x faster than the average SPARTAN
- Hacked into Freelancer Command
- Outruns a UFO
- Survived having his neck snapped
- Able to jump several feet through the air and land on the turret of a moving Warthog
- Smartest out of the original Reds and Blues besides Lopez and Church
- Only minor injuries from taking a Sticky Detonator explosion head-on
- Survived being run over by a tank
- Defeated The Meta, Charon Industries, Felix, dozen Wyoming clones, Blues & Reds, Chrovos, Genkins, Tucker (Meta)
- Able to scale to Lopez (that will be important later)
Wiz: He's created his own versions of Google and Facebook, outran grenades from the Brute Shot, survive having his neck snapped, hacked into the computers of Freelance Command, and is able to wear his armor in only four seconds, while this doesn't sound impressive, MJLONIR armor is worn by SPARTANs in a considerable few minutes, with this information this makes Simmons 90 times faster than your average super soldier.
Boomstick: We can scale Simmons to his best bud Grif, who was able to dodge a plasma shot that destroyed an entire restaurant, plasma is ridiculously fast, clocking in at speeds over 5 million miles per hour or at least Mach 6516.61, not to mention, all the Reds and Blues can keep up with characters like Epsilon and Alpha, who are A.I. with a perception of 205 times that of an normal human. With those multipliers that makes him over 137 times faster than light! Not to shabby for a nerd like him.
Wiz: He's outsmarted an eon aged cosmic A.I., blocked a blow from the Brute Shot that would've killed him, landed perfectly on his feet when jumping down a deep chasm, outrun a UFO, survive getting run over by a tank, and even survived a 50 megaton bomb going of point-blank. However, he should scale to his robotic teammate, Lopez the Heavy. Who survived the Big Bang!
Boomstick: Okay, that may sound ridiculous, but we actually have proof of this. When Genkins threw Huggins, a literal light ball, into a black hole, it didn't actually destroy her, in fact it sent her to the Big Bang! Pre-Bang obviously, and Lopez, when he was in the Labyrinth, entered a black hole.
Wiz: So with this information, Lopez must've been sent to the Pre-Big Bang, and took the creation of the universe head on! More impressive is that he didn't seem to have sustained any critical damage! ...That we know of.
Boomstick: But when his leader Sarge had died, in a separate simulation, Simmons took up the position of leader, and defeated the A.I.s that was controlling his comrade Tucker, proving that he is worthy of being a leader. It just proves, no matter what happens, Simmons will always be loyal to his team and going to any length to protect and save them.
(Simmons cocks his shotgun, pointing it at the Meta)
Simmons: Come on, you dirty Blue...
(In response the Meta activates his sword)
Simmons: ...Let's see what you got.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, we've run the data through all posibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!
Fight[]
Blood Gulch 12:42 A.M.
(We see both Simmons and Grif, but they weren't at the top of the base per usual, they were walking down Blood Gulch)
Grif: Hey dude.
Simmons: Yeah?
Grif: Isn't that Sarge's shotgun?
Simmons: Oh! Um... yeah, I found where he keeps all his spare shotguns. Turns out they were in the janitor's closet.
Grif: What happens if Sarge finds out?
Simmons: Well I mean he does have a lot of shotguns in that closet, so I don't think he'll notice.
Grif: Suit yourself, all I know is that I'm glad I'm not going to be shot by Sarge this time.
(Suddenly a portal opened up, and exiting the portal was Moxxie, who was holding the Goetia's Book and he sent on this solo mission)
Moxxie: Okay, so the target is right here... where is he?
Grif: Uh, dude, since where were there possums here?
Simmons: What? Oh.
(The two looked at Moxxie, who they thought was some sort of humanoid possum)
Simmons: ...I'll go check it out.
Grif: Eh, suit yourself, I'm going back to base.
(Grif walked back to Red Base, while Simmons walked to the possum and decided to ask him some questions)
Simmons: Excuse me... whoever you are?
Moxxie: Oh, well, my name's Moxxie, and I'm an assassin at the I.M.P.
Simmons: Wait. Assassin?
(There was a hint of nervousness in his voice and Moxxie continued with the conversation)
Moxxie: Well... yes, I've been sent here to kill a... Richard "Dick" Simmons.
(Pure fear struck Simmons, and began to slowly back away)
Simmons: Oh! T-tell me m-more about him. Will you?
Moxxie: Why, of course! He has cybernetic organs, like a robot arm, maroon armor, and was described as... a kissass?
Simmons: Hey! I'm not a kissass! Eep!
(Moxxie turned to Simmons, who covered where his mouth would be and was distant to him, that's when Moxxie realized that he was his target!)
Moxxie: Hey! You are not going anywhere!
(Moxxie readied up a handgun, while Simmons, put away the shotgun, and readied his magnum)
Simmons: (sighs) This is gonna hurt.
FIGHT!
(The two nerds began shooting at each other, some of the bullets hitting each other, and others both Moxxie and Simmons dodged, the two began running the two constantly shooting each other, Simmons decided to switch things up and brought out his Assault Rifle and began trying to gunning him down with it, Moxxie began to run away from the onslaught and hid behind a rock for cover. Simmons got an idea, he stopped firing his Assault Rifle and pulled out the Sticky Detonator and shot it at the rock. Moxxie thought he was safe so he came out of hiding and pointed his gun at the maroon-colored soldier, but a sudden explosion knocked Moxxie back, Simmons cheering himself as he decided to run to base)
Simmons: Yeah! Suck it possum!
(Moxxie stood up, rubbing his head in pain, and sent a late response to Simmons)
Moxxie: I am NOT a possum.
(Suddenly a light blinded his eyes)
Moxxie: GAH! What the fuck is that light-
(His question was answered when the Reds' signature vehicle, the Warthog, rammed him point-blank, with Simmons driving it)
Simmons: Ha! We've got roadkill over here-
(Suddenly a hand was raised from the Imp, confirming he was still alive)
Simmons: Nevermind!
(Moxxie slowly stood on the jeep, holding it's window and shooting his own assault rifle on it, the bullets piercing the glass and trying to hit Simmons, to which Simmons response in cowering- I mean avoiding the bullets and randomly hitting the pedals, he then accidently hits the brakes, which would caused Moxxie to nearly flying off if he wasn't clutching the window. Simmons then stood straight up, and began driving again, which causes Moxxie to enter the passenger's seat in comedic fashion. Moxxie shakes his head as he and Simmons noticed each other!)
Moxxie: Give me that wheel!
Simmons: Hey! Fuck off you possum!
Moxxie: I'M NOT A POSSUM!
(The two fought over the wheel, with the possum- I mean the Imp trying to push the soldier with his hand, same with Simmons, eventually Moxxie decides to kick him off, so he did, Simmons quickly took a hold on the tow cable of the Warthog, which caused the cable to extend and Simmons to father from the jeep than he wanted, so he climbed on the cable and Moxxie took notice, so he began driving randomly to shake him off, colliding Simmons with rocks, and the bases, however, this wasn't enough to shake him off, and Simmons continued climbing the tow cable and onto the machine gun, he pointed the machine gun at Moxxie, who noticed and pressed the brakes to send Simmons off balance, which worked, and pressed the acceleration pedal again, which causes Simmons to hang on the turret for dear life)
Simmons: OH GOD I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK!!
(Soon Moxxie pulled a grenade and pulled the pin out, jumping out of the car just when the grenade exploded! Firing Simmons away, who was still holding onto the machine gun, eventually he landed in the distance, still shaken)
Simmons: Everything's... so dizzy. W-where am I-
(Simmons shook his head to snap himself out of his daze and realized he was wielding the machine gun)
Simmons: ...Oh yeah... this will do.
(Moxxie armed himself with his tommy gun, sure that he was defenseless, however what he saw was his target, wielding a machine gun)
Simmons: Hello there... possum.
Moxxie: Why does everyone think that-
Simmons: Shut up.
(Just when he said that Simmons began to fire the machine gun at the small imp, who began running for his life! He hid behind a rock, trying to get a clear shot at his target, but he just kept on firing while saying insults excitedly. Moxxie retaliated by randomly firing his tommy gun at Simmons, safe to say, it did not work, as most of the bullets either missed or was easily blocked by Simmons' armor. Eventually the machine gun ran out of ammo, confused, Simmons checked it out and Moxxie took advantage of this by rushing to his foe)
Simmons: What the hell? Didn't this thing have like... unlimited ammo?
Moxxie: EAT SHIT!
(Moxxie unloaded the entire mag onto Simmons who quickly ran to dodge the bullets, he then pulled out his SMG to retaliate, firing all of the bullets at him, unlike Moxxie's bullets, Simmons' actually did damage to the possum, forcing him to take cover, yet again. Simmons, using his free hand, pulled out the Stick Detonator and shot it right next to Moxxie's hiding spot, the possum went over his cover and ran away just when the explosion occurred, sending him straight to Simmons, who pulled out the SPNKR and hit him with it, sending him airborne)
(Simmons shot a rocket at the imp, who couldn't react as he was hit directly by it, sending him to the ground. Moxxie held his throat in pain, enraged at the fact he wasn't able to kill this bastard, so he pulled out the Carmine Blessed Tipped Rifle, while for Simmons he saw the Warthog's tow cable and formed a plan, so he took the cable and a rocket from the SPNKR, then he tied the cable to the rocket and put the rocket in the SPNKR. He put both the cable and the rocket launcher behind him for later use, right now... he pulled out the Battle Rifle, armed it and ran to his opponent)
(Moxxie began shooting at his target, each bullet from the rifle missing, same with Simmons, who was near Moxxie. Moxxie pulled out his knife and began to come at Simmons, who was able to dodge each slash from the imp, the possum then aimed at his helmet, to which the soldier reacted by dropping his rifle and holding the assassin's arms to prevent him from stabbing him. The two were locked in a struggle, a struggle that Simmons was winning)
(Moxxie kicked Simmons away and began trying to slice him with the knife, to his merit, he actually was able to get in a few lucky cuts here and there. Simmons, quickly ran away and picked up his dropped Battle Rifle. He began shooting at Moxxie again, who responded with pulling out a revolver and shooting at him)
(Mox was able to dodge all the bullets from the Battle Rifle and dashed towards Simmons, who dropped his Battle Rifle and pulled out the Bulldog Shotgun)
Simmons: Alright you dirty possum.
(Simmons pointed the shotgun at the distant Moxxie and cocked it)
Simmons: Let's see what you got.
Moxxie: I. Am. Not. A. POSSUM!
(The imp dashed towards Simmons while pulling out his knife and shooting his revolver at him, to which the maroon soldier responses by dodging each shot and firing the shotgun at Moxxie, who dodged each shot as well. Eventually the possum got close and engaged in a fight))
(The imp began using the knife to cut Simmons, successfully landing a slash to his gut which caused the soldier to stagger. Moxxie used this to trip him. Aiming the knife at Simmons' head who had dropped his shotgun and held back the imp's arm with his left)
Moxxie: Any last words?
Simmons: Y-yeah... you just got Simmonsized!
Moxxie: ...That sounds so stupid- GAH!
(A sharp pain entered Moxxie's gut. It turns out, Simmons used his available hand to grab his own knife and stab it in Moxxie. The imp staggered away from him, allowing the maroon trooper to use the shotgun to blow off Moxxie's limbs, leaving nothing but bloody stumps where his limbs once were. Then the Sim Trooper pulled out the SPNKR and shot out a rocket that had a cable tied to it, a cable that Moxxie realized was on the knife and when he realized it, the cable tightened. Causing Moxxie to be sent away!)
(Simmons used the SPNKR to guide the rocket, allowing him to slam Moxxie into the outside walls of Red Base and Blue Base, and Tucker's "special" rock. He then used the rocket to drag Moxxie across the rough stone walls of the canyon, causing the imp's skin to be peeled off and feel like it's burning. Soon Simmons pointed the RPG downwards, and so the rocket travelled down with the assassin in tow, and once it hit the ground, a massive explosion occurred! Leaving no trace of Moxxie left... well, except for a certain book that landed right at Simmons' feet. Curious, Simmons picked it up and opened the book, showcasing a certain description that the soldier read)
Simmons: "Inter-dimensional travel"? Is that how the possum travelled here?
Sarge: Simmons! What in Sam Hill happened out there!?
Simmons: Oh! Um... don't worry about it Sarge! And um... by the way... c-can I keep the shotgun?
Sarge: What? From my broom closet? ...Uh... alright. That's fine. Now come inside! I've got a brand new invention I've got to show you!
Simmons: Yes! Coming Sarge!
K.O.!
Results[]
Boomstick: Holy shit! That was awesome! Who knew that nerds could kick ass like that?
Wiz: Both Moxxie and Simmons had a large arsenal, but only Simmons had the advantages to pull out a victory.
Boomstick: Yeah, that wasn't in doubt. Simmons could move over 137 times faster than light and could survive the Big Bang. However, Moxxie did hold a couple of advantages.
Wiz: Like he was much more skilled in close quarters, not to mention he certainly has better aim than Simmons, but his experience didn't quite stack up to Simmons, who genuinely had military training before being transferred to Blood Gulch.
Boomstick: And let's face it. Moxxie's usual targets aren't as dangerous as Simmons' enemies. Sure three small angels in an exosuit is dangerous, but not as dangerous than the Scariest Mute in the Galaxy and godly A.I.!
Wiz: However, the Grimoire could potentially be used as an instant win option, however the same can go for Simmons' Time Portal Gun, which allowed Simmons to potentially finish the fight before it even started, and Simmons' arsenal was more varied and dangerous the Moxxie's.
(Cut to Wiz and Boomstick)
Wiz: Moxxie was definitely a dangerous assassin, but when compared to Simmons' strength, speed, experience and weapons allowed the maroon soldier to take a victory.
Boomstick: Seems like Simmons had enough "Moxxie" to beat the imp.
Wiz: The winner is Richard "Dick" Simmons.
Advantages & Disadvantages[]
- Moxxie (Loser)
- + More skilled in combat
- + Better aim
- = Grimoire and Time Portal Gun are instant win options
- - Way weaker
- - Way slower
- - Way less durable
- - Arsenal was inferior
- - Less experienced
- Simmons (Winner)
- + Far stronger
- + Far faster
- + Far more durable
- + Arsenal is superior
- + More experienced
- = Grimoire and Time Portal Gun are instant win options
- - Less skilled in combat
- - Worse aim
Next Time[]
(Several voices are heard muttering, and a certain, non-corporeal author stepped onto the stage, which caused all the muttering voices to silence themselves)
TheSilverAuthor: H-hello everybody, I'm the TheSilverAuthor, and well... I couldn't decide which matchup to do, so I called upon the community to help me. Hence why you are all here. Ahem- so, 4th to 3rd place is unfortunetly... King Pig VS Megatron.
(The camera shifts to both King Pig and Megatron, both looking offended and upset)
TheSilverAuthor: You should be grateful Megatron. King Pig is extremely overpowered.
Megatron: HA! You expect me to believe that organic is a match for ME?!
TheSilverAuthor: ...Yes. Now shut up!
(Megatron rolls his optics as King Pig grins smugly. Meanwhile, two sadistic monsters, one made of acidic slime and a gigantic spider robot was chuckling)
TheSilverAuthor: What are you laughing at? We know that in 4th/3rd place is Bog VS Airachnid right?
Airachnid: WHAT?! I DEMAND A RECOUNT!
TheSilverAuthor: ...No.
Bog: Oh well... next time I suppose.
TheSilverAuthor: Alright! These two are the last leg of the race, and in second place is... Old Joseph Joestar VS Eda Clawthrone!
Joseph: Aw... but will all of us be written eventually?
TheSilverAuthor: Actually... yes, in fact I'm only doing the vote thing so people can decide which I should do first! So you will be next after... ... .. . . . . ... Homelander VS Soldier!
Connections[]
- Two nerdy geeks with a team consisting of a red, hot-headed leader (Blitzo & Sarge), a member of the group who they hang out the most (Millie & Grif), an odd one out that hates everyone (Loona & Lopez), a lazy slacker (Loona & Grif), someone who hates everyone (Loona & Lopez) and someone who is definitely gay (Stolas & Donut)
- Both have severe daddy issues.
- Both have fought against much more competent mercenaries (Striker & Felix), a large organization (D.H.O.R.K.S. & Project: Freelancer), and an enemy unlike any other (The C.H.E.R.U.B.S. & The Cosmic Powers)
- OST: Right Hand Manlet
- This theme's cover art would have the signature Halo helmet on the I.M.P. logo, while Moxxie's horns are on the helmet. The theme would be composed of Moxxie's love song to Millie, and Simmons' theme.