| Monsters of Man vs. The Predator | |
|---|---|
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| Season 8, Episode 6 | |
| Air date | September 6, 2023 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Miraculous Villain Season One-F Battle Royale |
Next Darth Vader vs. Ego |
Monsters of Man vs. Ghost is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features the Monsters of Man from the 2020 movie of the same name, and Ghost from the 1990 movie, Predator 2.
Description
Monsters of Man versus the Predator: it's merciless hunters battling it out to the death!
Interlude
Wiz: The Monsters of Man: unstoppable robots that kill without mercy.
Boomstick: And the City Hunter, the unrelenting alien that never lets its prey get away.
Wiz: I'm Wiz, and he's Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Monsters of Man
Wiz: The Golden Triangle is a geographical designation originally identified by the American Central Intelligence Agency. It's a 367,000 square mile, or 950,000 square kilometer, area that extends around the border area of Myanmar, Laos and Thailand.
Boomstick: And, it's also one of the world's largest opium producing regions, being only recently out produced by Afghanistan.
Wiz: Well, a rogue CIA agent, known only as "the Major," had an idea of what could be done about the Golden Triangle. It seems that a defense contractor was working on a new weapons system: autonomous, artificially intelligent combat robots. So, the Major made a deal with the company's owner to parachute four of the robots into the area, allowing them to kill just about every person they met and disrupt the opium production. It would also have been an ideal live-fire test for the robots.
Boomstick: Everything started out swimmingly for these bargain basement Terminators, until they leapt out of the aircraft that was being used for their insertion. Immediately, Robot Number 4's chute failed to open until a little bit too late, causing him to do a belly flop in the wrong location. Johnny 4 was left offline, and out of the operation.
Wiz: The other three robots were sent on their way, found a local village, and began machine-gunning everyone in it, regardless of gender or age. But, the powers that be received a shock when they started seeing a group of obviously non-locals fleeing the attack.
Boomstick: Doing a quick Google search, because that's the way that everybody finds things out nowadays, they identified the group as a group of traveling young doctors, and an ex-U.S. Navy Seal. Well, neither the CIA agent, nor the defense contractor, wanted witnesses telling about what they did, so they set their robots to hunt down the witnesses and silence them good and proper. Hasta la vista, baby.
Wiz: But, they got another surprise when they found out that Robot Number 4 was actually up and functioning independently, with his AI set to learn anything and everything that it could. Things got even worse when the Seal destroyed Robot Number 1, and Robots Numbers 2 and 3 failed to take out Number 4.
Boomstick: It seems that Johnny 4 had learned some sweet martial arts moves on the Internet, and was more dangerous than ever. A lead developer on this Terminator project came up with an upgrade that made Johnny 3 more dangerous than ever, which was pretty handy, as Johnny 4 ambushed Johnny 2, and tore his frikin head off!
Wiz: It all came to a head with a confrontation between the two remaining robots. Number 4 self-destructed, taking Number 3 out with him, and freeing the American kids that were targeted by the rest of the robots. But, he had an ace up his non-existent sleeve; he uploaded his consciousness to the Internet.
Boomstick: This left all sorts of plot threads hanging out in preparation for the inevitable sequel.
Wiz: OK, weapons, armor and skills. Let's start with the weapons.
Boomstick: The robots were issued with a weapon I don't recognize, but it appears to be a semi-auto/full-auto carbine, fitted with a fifty-round drum, and presumably firing the standard 7.62×51mm NATO rifle cartridge. The cartridge is deadly out to about 800 or 900 yards, or about half a mile, and it has excellent penetration.
Wiz: The robots showed themselves to be excellent marksmen, often killing with one well-aimed headshot. But, like with all movies, this ability seems to wax and wane as the plot calls for it to. Overall, though, it does appear that they are extremely capable with these weapons.
Boomstick: They aren't, however, limited to the guns. Each of the robots is equipped with a retractable knife in their left wrist. They can use that as a tool, or as a weapon.
Wiz: When it comes to armor, these robots are pretty well equipped. They were apparently designed to fight in the open, taking small-arms fire, without suffering any effective damage. They took a good deal of gun fire from weapons such as AK-47s, without suffering so much as a scratch. Also, one of the robots stepped on a small anti-personnel landmine, triggering it, but walked away without any sign of damage.
Boomstick: But, these tin-cans are not invincible. Johnny 1 was heavily damaged when the Navy Seal blew up an explosives cache right next to him, and then he finished him off with a big-assed maul.
Wiz: Robot Number 2 was attacked from behind by Number 4, who had to work at it, but ended up wrenching his head off.
Boomstick: Did we mention that the robots actually have a third eye, in the back of their heads? It does make them hard to sneak up on.
Wiz: Each of the robots has a special self-destruction device that is described as being powerful enough to kill everyone within a two hundred foot radius. Robot Number 4 activated that device during his fight with Number 3, destroying both of them.
Boomstick: When it comes to hand-to-hand combat. Johnny 1 and 2 were both fairly weak. I mean, they are extremely strong and *extremely* tough. But, they apparently try to fight like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots: not much finesse, but good use of hands and feet.
Wiz: Robot Number 3, on the other hand, received a substantial improvement in fighting ability from an update; this made it considerably more dangerous in hand-to-hand combat than the others.
Boomstick: Johnny 4 is something of a wildcard. It has been learning from its Internet connection, and fights with great speed and dexterity. He quickly overpowered J-2, and xfought the reprogrammed J-3 to at least a standoff.
Wiz: We have also been talking about the robots as individuals. In point of fact, the robots are in constant communication with each other, and with their control center. The control center can redirect the robots or do other tasks, or to change their priorities.
Boomstick: Their chief weakness is that the back of their heads is open, which means that a knowledgeable combatant can reach in and pull out important components, which is how Johnny 4 disabled Johnny 2.
Wiz: These are rather formidable opponents. They don't need to sleep and they don't grow tired. Apparently, they will eventually exhaust their batteries, but it does seem to take a very long time.
Boomstick: Yeah, once these fighters are on your trail, they won't slow down and they won't let go. They will get you!
Ghost
Boomstick: The Predator! A member of an interstellar race of big game hunters. A race that likes to go hunting for any prey that will give them an interesting and challenging chase.
Wiz: Known to themselves as Yautjas, these formidable people are high-tech hunters who live for the hunt. Their culture prizes the stalking and killing of dangerous prey
Boomstick: And, they travel across the galaxy, hunting and killing all sorts of weird creatures.
Wiz: Yautja's are tall humanoids, standing about seven feet tall and weighing over five hundred pounds. They are very strong, and utterly ruthless. They don't necessarily give a prey a "sporting chance" - which is a human concept - but will often fire from ambush, using their superior technology to take a prey down quickly.
Boomstick: And they are UGLY MOTHER-F...
Wiz: Boomstick!
Boomstick: Wiz, have you seen these guys? It's no wonder they all wear masks. They have a face that not even an alien monster-humper could love!
Wiz: Yautjas prefer to hunt dangerous prey, and they take trophies off of each kill. A Yautja maintains a trophy collection to show his worth.
Boomstick: They take the strong and the dangerous, steering clear of human females that are not armed.
Wiz: Ghost in particular is a member of a tribe that in 1990 conducted a hunt in Los Angeles, California. Ghost himself targeted some of the most dangerous gangs in the city, looking to take out their toughest and most dangerous members.
Boomstick: That is, until he attracted the attention of L.A. Police Lieutenant, Michael R. Harrigan. In Harrigan, Ghost finally met his desired prey. He was a resourceful fighter who fought Ghost every step of the way. In the end, it was Harrigan who walked away triumphant and Ghost who became the prize.
Wiz: Ghost is a newly blooded Yautja, but don't sell him short.
Boomstick: Like all of his kind, he is a large and powerful specimen, and he has been extensively trained in hunting and killing.
Wiz: And like all of his kind, he has a formidable array of weapons. First of all, being a Yautja he wears a mask that gives him information on his surroundings, and enhances his vision, especially in the infrared end of the spectrum, which all Yautja find useful when hunting.
Boomstick: And he has a laser canon on his shoulder that interacts with a targeting computer built into his mask. Plus, he carries a wrist-mounted pair of blades that he can extend for hand-to-hand combat.
Wiz: And, to help with his hunt, he also packs a Combistick, which is formidable as a close-in weapon, or can be extended and thrown like a spear.
Boomstick: He also packs a Netgun, which launches a net, which can trap and even kill an opponent.
Wiz: And, last but not least, he also likes to carry a Smart Disc, an extremely sharp disc that can be thrown at an opponent, but it then returns to its owner like a boomerang. It can also be used as a melee weapon.
Boomstick: The Predators love a good fight, especially one that they can win, and take a trophy from. They'll never give a sucker an even break - they don't believe in sportsmanship the way that humans do, and they love spreading fear and panic. Nothing flips their switch like reducing a strong opponent to a quivering pile of fear...just before they finish it off.
Wiz: Ghost is a formidable opponent, from a people who have been hunting humans for millennia, and they have gotten very good at it.
Intermission
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE!
Pre-Fight
In the dense and steaming jungles of the Golden Triangle, life appeared to continue at the same pace that it always had.
But appearances can be deceiving.
Three humanoid figures stepped to the edge of the brush and examined the village before them. There was a group of armed men standing in between the houses, most of them carrying AK-47s. The robots' software did not determine any of them to be particular threats.
Given clearance, they opened fire. Even as the first men targeted began to fall, the rest began firing back towards the jungle. The robots picked their targets one-by-one, often eliminating them with a single headshot.
As the village men fell back, spraying bullets wildly into the bush, the robots advanced, finally arriving in the center of the village. They looked around for more targets.
Periodically someone with a weapon would leap out and fire ineffectively at them, and even more often people would be seen trying to flee from their attackers. All were gunned down with the same ruthless precision.
Unbeknownst to the robots, or their controllers, another figure was watching the attack unfold. Up in the treetops, a Yautja Hunter studied the attackers. His mask told him that they were machines, robots designed to kill humans. To his disgust they were killing the creatures indiscriminately: killing males and females, adults and juveniles, armed and unarmed.
They did appear to be slightly more advanced than was expected from the inhabitants of this backward planet. His best guess was that they were prototypes, being tested. So far he was unimpressed.
He decided that he would test these new toys of the humans.
Back in the control room, Kroker wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. This trial exercise had turned into a perfect storm of shit, and the only thing that he could hope for was that it would end as quickly and painlessly (to him) as possible. Fielding had tears in her eyes that she was trying her best to keep in, so as not to appear weak in front of the men. Together with Jantz and CIA Agent Boller, they sat watching the computer screen that showed what the robots saw.
Robot #2's visual feed suddenly showed a flash of lights, and his metrics suddenly danced on another screen. The robot's CPU nearly crashed, but the system quickly stabilized.
"What the hell just happened?!" Jantz yelled.
Looking at the data, Kroker announced, "It was just hit with a massive power surge."
"Where did that come from?" Fielding asked.
The two other robots turned and looked up into the trees, Robot #1 following their lead a moment later. In all three of their visual feeds, a figure could be discerned, indistinct but apparently humanoid. A pair of yellow flashed in its head.
As one, the three robots raised their guns and began firing at the figure, which leaped away, disappearing into the foliage.
"Now what the hell was that?" Kroker asked, staring at the video screen.
Agent Boller put his headset up to his head, and spoke into it.
"Sir, did you see that?" he asked.
"The Robots have just identified that…thing as the most dangerous target," Jantz added.
Back in McLean, Virginia, in CIA Headquarters, the Major replayed the scene that he had just witnessed. Then, he spoke into his headset.
"There've been intelligence reports out of Central America, of something attacking an American Army Special Forces team. The robots have a new priority; have them, follow and capture or kill that thing."
Buller turned to the control team. And relayed the information, "New priority, the robots are to kill that thing. Get them going."
The control team began typing on their computers.
The three robots turned, and began moving quickly into the jungle, scanning the canopy as they proceeded.
As they moved out of the village, Robot #4 moved in behind them.
FIGHT!
The three robots fanned out, trying to follow the last course taken by their target.
Suddenly, a flying disc flew at them from trees ahead. It glanced off of Robot Number 2, ricocheted and struck Number 1, and then flew off towards Robot Number 3. Number 3 ducked in time, causing the disc to fly over his head.
Number 2 was firing towards where the disc had come from, while Numbers 1 and 3 tracked the flight of the disc as it turned and flew back into the trees, firing at the spot where the two flight paths intersected.
Back in the control room, Kroker whistled at what had just happened.
"What was that thing?" he asked, turning towards Agent Boller. "Is this some sort of tech from another company?"
"Hey," Jantz spoke up. "You didn't tell us that the robots were going to be competing with another company's weapons systems. We're not prepared for that."
"Sir?" Boller asked into his headset. Then he nodded and turned back to the three company techs seated before him.
"This isn't American tech were facing here. This is...something else. You've got to deal with whoever or whatever that is. Take it down, and get it for testing."
Fielding wanted to say something, but a fierce look from Boller convinced her that he would not take no for an answer. Jantz and Kroker seemed to reach the same conclusion, as they turned back around and faced their monitors.
They examined the readings on the robots' telemetry and determined that the robots had sustained no more than superficial damage.
The robot team moved swiftly and efficiently through the jungle, following any sign of the Predator's passing.
Suddenly, the three robots froze as one, only their heads swiveling showing that they were still active.
"What's happening?" Boller demanded.
"Whatever it is, it's close," Jantz responded. "They're trying to reacquire the target."
The Yautja Hunter stood on a thick branch of a large tree, studying the three robots.
The technology behind the fighting robots was better than he had expected. They were crude weapons in their execution, killing completely indiscriminately, but they were doing surprisingly well at hunting him. He had planned to move in circles around the machines, but they were too alert and too fast for him to do that.
He needed to keep probing, keep seeing what the machines' strengths and weaknesses were.
He raised his net launcher.
Suddenly, a net flew out of the canopy, and pinned Robot Number 3 to the trunk of a tree. Numbers 1 and 2 opened fire, tracing the flight of the net back to its point of origin.
While the sprayed bullets into the trees, the net tightened on Number 3, holding it securely in place.
Finally, the two robots ceased firing and looked around, waiting for another sign of their opponent. After the racket of the gunfire had ceased, the sounds of birds and insects returned to fill the jungle air.
While Number 1 stood guard, Number 2 moved back to the trapped unit. It extended the knife that was stored in its left wrist and began sawing at the strands of the net. The material resisted the keen edge of the knife, and only separated when the robot used considerable power against it.
As it cut the net, Number 3 pushed at the net from the inside, its servos whining with its effort.
Finally, the net gave way, and Number 3 stepped away from the tree.
"Jesus," Kroker breathed. "That net is made of a strong material. Should we have the units bring it back for analysis?"
Boller put his hand up to his ear, listening carefully to his headset.
"No," he finally announced. "They need to keep after the primary target. That's the number one priority now."
Fielding leaned forward, and studied the image caught by Robot Number 1's camera.
"What is that?" she asked.
Boller and Jantz leaned forward to see what she was looking at, while Kroker began typing at his keyboard.
While Numbers 2 and 3 stood guard, Number 1 walked up to some glowing green liquid that was dripping off of some leaves. The robot extended its hand, and ran its fingers through the liquid. Then, it brought it up to its camera lenses.
"That doesn't look like any oil that I'm familiar with," Jantz announced.
Narrowing her eyes, trying to see the liquid better, Fielding studied the luminescent, neon green liquid.
"Can that be blood?" she asked as if even she could not believe it.
The three scientists studied the image on the screen carefully, but their concentration was broken when Buller suddenly announced, "Well, if it bleeds, we can kill it. Get 'em moving."
At a few typed commands, the robots moved off into the jungle.
Again, the three robots stopped, and scanned the rainforest around them. Their target had stopped moving but was definitely nearby.
Suddenly, an indistinct figure leaped and landed in the robots midst. Something was rammed through the torso of Robot Number 1 and it was lifted into the air.
The other two robots fired on the indistinct figure. There was a crackle and a hiss, and suddenly the opponent's near-invisibility collapsed. Before them stood a very tall humanoid that was holding Number 1 up with a spear that it had transfixed the machine with.
The two robots lifted their guns, but before they could fire, it heaved Number 1 into Number 3, sending it toppling backward to the jungle floor. It turned quickly and used its wristblades to cut the end off of Number 2's gun.
The robot looked at the gun to assess the damage, and quickly dropped the damaged weapon.
Number 3 shoved the now inanimate Number 1 off of it and looked up in time to see the Yautja rear back, and punch Number 2's head. There was a boom, and the robot's head sailed off into the foliage.
Back in CIA Headquarters, the Major shouted, "Jesus!"
Then, he pressed buttons on his keyboard to rewind the video.
Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere a fourth robot suddenly leaped into the fray. It shoved its rifle into the Yautja's midsection and fired, forcing the alien back by a step.
The Predator slashed out with its wristblades, but Number 4 leaned impossibly far backward, causing the attack to miss.
Number 4 straightened up, and extended its wrist-knife, and began dueling with the alien. The two combatants exchanged slashes and thrusts. The alien was powerful, but Number 4 moved quickly, turning its body with inhuman dexterity.
In the control room, the three engineers leaned forward, peering at the screen that only showed the view of Robot Number 3, the other two having been deactivated.
"What the fuck!" Kroker yelled.
"What is that?" Boller demanded.
"That's Number 4!" Jantz answered.
"It's offline, but it's joined the fight." Fielding added.
"Yeah, but look at it go!" Kroker said breathlessly. "Where did it get the ninja moves?"
Robot Number 3 stood up, and charged at the two combatants, turning the fight into a two-on-one affair.
The Yautja moved as fast as it could, trying to overcome the two machines, but they were moving too fast. He turned, and fired his plasmacaster at the slower moving robot, sending it flying backward. Then, it turned and fired at the other. That robot saw the plasmacaster turning, and it leaped backward, turning a backward-somersault, and moving under the blast.
The Hunter turned and ran. Activating its adaptive camouflage device, it leaped up to a lower branch, and disappeared into the rainforest.
Kroker leaned forward in his seat, and began typing.
"What are you doing?" Agent Boller demanded.
"Take it easy, cowboy," Kroker answered back casually, as he went on typing. "I created some new combat code, and this seems as good a time as any to test it out."
Back in the forest, Robot Number 4 noticed that Number 3 had gone stock-still, as it received its download.
Reaching down, the robot retrieved its rifle, and looked up where the alien had gone. Then, it ran off into the jungle.
When its download finally finished, Number 3 turned and looked into the trees. Then, it too ran off in pursuit of its target.
Robot Number 3 moved between the trees as fast as it could. It stopped abruptly, when Number 4 stepped out of hiding, right in front of it.
Number 4 stepped around behind the other robot, and then it extended its arm, pointing up into the trees. There, up in the trees sat the alien, its shape barely visible within the effect of its cloaking device.
Then, Number 4 stepped around and used hand gestures to show that it would circle to the right, while it wanted Number 3 to circle to the left.
Back at the control room, Kroker typed the relevant commands into his keyboard. Number 3 nodded his agreement to the other robot.
Then, the two robots moved out into the jungle.
Robot Number 3 moved from cover to cover, seeking to move in as quietly as possible on its target.
Finally, it stepped out into the open, and trained its rifle on the spot where the alien had been.
But, there was nothing there.
Number 3 turned and turned, trying to reacquire the target. Suddenly, there was a whistling sound coming from its right. It turned and raised its rifle, just in time to see something flying at it.
The bolas wrapped around the robot, and stopped. Number 3 looked up, calculating the origination point of the flying projectile, when suddenly a massive jolt of electricity surged through its chassis. The robot froze, and then slowly toppled over.
The four people back at the control room looked into the now black screen, their mouths open, willing the image to reappear. But, it stayed black.
"Shit," Boller said, closing his mouth into a frown.
Robot Number 4 ran up to now inert form of Number 3, and looked up into the trees. It raised its rifle, looking to reacquire the target.
Suddenly, the bulk of the Yautja hunter appeared out of thin air and barreled into the robot, sending it stumbling to side and causing it to drop its rifle.
Number 4 extended its wrist-knife, and the Yautja extended its wristblades in response. Then, the two combatants leaped at each other.
Number 4 ducked and weaved, slipping under and past the Yautja's blows.
The two traded cuts, but neither one's weapon succeeded in injuring the other.
They swirled and swiped, bobbing and weaving, trading hits and misses.
Suddenly, the Predator thrust out its left hand and grabbed Number 4 by the throat. He lifted him up into the air, trying to sever the head from the body.
But, Number 4 moved sinuously it the alien's grasp. It lifted its legs, and delivered a powerful kick to its opponent's facemask. The Yautja dropped the robot and stumbled backward.
Number 4 turned in the air as it felt, and landed on all fours. Then, it surged forward, wrapped its arms around the Yautja's legs, and lifted. The robots servo motors whined as it left the heavy alien, and then it through him over his back and onto Robot Number 3.
Number 4 turned and attacked, just as the alien rose from the remains of the other robot.
The Predator grabbed onto the robot, and quickly wrapped the bolas around it. Activating the device, it sent the electric current surging through both of them.
The display in his helmet flashed a warning red and then went dark.
The Yautja could feel that the robot had stopped moving.
K.O.!
Reaching up, the Ghost removed his now lifeless mask, and looked down at the robot with his own eyes.
It grabbed ahold of the robot's head and gave it a violent twist. When it had come away, the Yautja lifted it high and shouted its triumph.
It had not been a glorious hunt, fighting against purely mechanical prey, but it had been a fun challenge!
Results
Boomstick: Whoa! Wait! There were four of them, and only one Predator, and why did the Predator win so handily?
Wiz: Well, first of all we must admit that the Monsters of Man robots were very impressive weapons systems. They had a goodly amount of firepower and could tank a lot of fire in their own turn. They could move for very long periods of time without having to rest or recharge. I really would not want them tracking me.
Boomstick: Right, so why did they lose?
Wiz: In general, two types of opponents were shown to be able to defeat Yautjas. The one type were Xenomorph aliens, who were able to kill through raw numbers and with the power of the natural weapons that they possessed.
Boomstick: And the other type was humans who used every trick in the book, and a broad array of weapons. They didn't rely on simple firepower, but did everything they could to maneuver the Predator into a position where their weapons would prove decisive. Even the Xenomorphs sometimes relied to trickery and ambush to overcome them.
Wiz: The Monsters of Man robots, on the other hand, did not have these advantages. They were quick thinking, and very accurate in their rifle fire. But, their programming led them to rely mostly on standup, face-to-face firefights, counting on their ability to resist gunfire to allow them to find and engage all targets.
Boomstick: And Ghost the Predator was not a good target to use such tactics on. He tended to move from position to position, keeping his prey guessing where he was coming from. Worse, while some opponents relied on powerful weapons to take on Predators, such as grenade launchers and miniguns, the robots had to rely on one fairly standard rifle each.
Wiz: As for the robots' ability to withstand attacks, the Yautja packed an array of weapons. This allowed him to try one after another, seeing which would work the best.
Boomstick: The robots were impressive, but they soon went from being the hunters to the prey.
Wiz: And that's why the winner was Ghost the Predator!
