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Mickey Mouse vs Kermit the Frog

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Mickey Mouse vs Kermit the Frog
Season 4, Episode 34
Vital statistics
Air date February 28, 2016
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Tai and Agumon vs Lucy Heartfilia Big the Cat vs Patrick Star

Mickey Mouse vs Kermit the Frog is a What-If? Death Battle.

Description[]

Mickey and Friends vs Muppets! Which of these iconic mascots of their franchises is the big star?

Interlude[]

Wiz: The Disney Company, one of the world's famous media businesses, has been known for being one of the most creative characters and franchises like Mickey Mouse, its famous mascot.

Boomstick: It is also known for buying out many franchises to make the company bigger including Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and even the Muppets like Kermit the Frog.

Wiz: And these two characters we used as examples are who we are pitting this time around.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Mickey Mouse[]

(Cue the Mickey Mouse Works theme song)

Wiz: Mickey Mouse is one of the most iconic characters that we all know and love today.

Boomstick: Even as iconic as the certain plumber and blue hedgehog that we know and love now that is.

Wiz: He made his appearance in the late 1920's in his first cartoon appearance, "Plane Crazy"; it is a basic common misconception of Mickey's first appearance being the more popular 1920's cartoon, "Steamboat Willie".

(Mickey whistles the famous Steamboat Willie theme opening)

Boomstick: He then lead a famous club in the fifties, help his creator Walt Disney open a theme park in California that was named after the last name of his creator himself, and... dammit you get the idea where this is going today.

(Cue the Epic Mickey theme song)

Wiz: Like the certain mascots we know and love, Mickey Mouse happens to break the fourth wall, but there is more, he dons on the Sorcerer's hat that he "borrowed" from his wizard of a mentor, Yen Sid, who is sort of like Yoda and Master Splinter. When he has the hat on himself, he can do certain things like shooting magical projectiles that can be reflected back, and some times animation for certain inanimate objects like broomsticks.

Boomstick: Just as long as you don't chop them into pieces, or they will multiply like fucking rabbits. Also, Mickey has his own exclusive keyblade from the Kingdom Hearts franchise known as the Kingdom Key D, his most powerful keyblade can not only act as sword, but it can double as a magical gun to fire out projectiles made of Fire, Ice, Electricity, Light, and Darkness.

Wiz: He also has his paintbrush from the two Epic Mickey games, when in possession of that device, he can fire magical blue paint to make things appear or use magical green thinner to deplete them.

(Cue the Theme Song from Mickey's Speedway U.S.A.)

Boomstick: And of course he can use several items from my personal favorite Mario Kart rip-off, "Mickey's Speedway U.S.A.", those items include a baseball, a splotch of colorful paint, remote controlled toy vehicles between a race car and a bi-plane, and even a bubble shield that offers invincibility and certain speed like Mario's star that it rips off of.

Wiz: And like certain mascots we know and love, he has his fair share of accomplishments such as fighting the many variety of Disney villains, and his number one nemesis who turns out to be the most powerful villain, Pete, including many forms like his most powerful ego before Bowser's Giga Bowser form, Julius, despite that form being handmade by the late Dr. Frankenollie, that Pete could surpass the powers of even Maleficent. Back to Mickey though, he even got to have a star in the Walk of Fame in California.

Boomstick: He also got to star alongside his famous rival in the ever popular 1988 movie, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". And in one of the modern cartoons, He managed to lift up an entire man sized baby rabbit over his head (damn I can already how big his shit would be if the diaper got changed), but anyway, it was only at the time he was evacuating all the people in the apartments when he thought it was on fire, but only to find out that his bitch can't cook meals at all.

Wiz: And most importantly, when he got his heart back from the Phantom Blot, as well as having certain help from his half-brother, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, he was capable of returning the Wasteland back to its colorful way after his accident that caused the Thinner Disaster.

Boomstick: Wow, all that just like Mario after him, that is one mouse you wouldn't want to mess with.

Louie: (chuckles) Finished!

Mickey Mouse: Oh, this sure is swell.

Kermit the Frog[]

(Cue the instrumental version of the Muppet Show theme)

Wiz: Kermit the Frog is one of the most iconic puppet frogs to be shown in history, or what he is known as a "Muppet", which is basically a puppetry cross of a Marionette and sock puppet.

Boomstick: And like Mickey with Walt Disney, Kermit was the icon of Jim Henson, who created the frog in the first place, and well you get the idea.

Wiz: As a frog, Kermit does have supreme jumping abilities, though it does not easily surpass the jumping prowess of his swamp buddy, Croaker, he was quite the capable jumper in his own right, like when he literally hopped his way to save Miss Piggy from Long John Silver in "Muppet Treasure Island".

Boomstick: No Shit, after all, despite being against violence, he is not afraid to fight at times which includes the fact that he is quite the swordsman, er pardon me, I mean sword-frog to fight off against ol' Tim Curry himself. He is also quite the master of wielding a staff to fight a pig in one episode of "The Muppet Show" that guest stars Lynn Redgrave where they play a re-enactment to 'Robin Hood'.

Wiz: And as a Muppet, he, along with many other Muppets, including my personal favorite Muppet, Beaker, has great durability and somewhat of a healing factor due to the many comical violent acts that Kermit and the Muppets perform again and again, ranging from blowing out of the cannons, heavy objects landing on top of them, objects blowing up in their faces, and even electrocution.

Boomstick: Hell, Kermit is even durable enough to take as many karate chops and punches in the face by that porcine bitch that send him flying across the room.

(Miss Piggy furiously lands on Kermit the two get up, and Miss Piggy punches him to the stage)

Miss Piggy: CANCEL THE SHOW! HI-YA!

(Then punches Kermit to a chair)

Kermit: (as Captain Ahab Smollett) Benjamina.

(Miss Piggy, as Benjamina, punches Kermit to a gong hitting it)

Kermit: (rising up all shaken) Old girlfriend.

Boomstick: Damn, if I were him, I would sue her bacon for all the objects that I would call the "Kermit Torture Porns" that are escalating the total price of his health insurance bills.

(Cue the theme song from The Jim Henson Hour)

Wiz: Yet, for a Muppet frog, he has accomplished certain, such as having two songs he performed be nominated for Best Song at the Oscars, and also having his own star in the Walk of Fame in the 1990s.

Boomstick: He also got to get away with bestiality when he got a kiss in the lips from Lady Gaga, and famously in 2015, he managed to break up with that porcine mistress of the KTP's herself, way to go, Kermit, you deserve a beer for that.

Wiz: Of course he has his share of weaknesses, such as objects in his hands can slip off at anytime, due to being a frog. And the fact that he does not like violence.

Boomstick: But that does not necessarily mean that he will back down on a fight, though it is not easy being green, it is not any easier being Kermit.

Kermit: My life is a bacon-wrapped hell on earth!

Sam the Eagle: Can't say "hell".

Intermission[]

Wiz: All right, the Combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight[]

(Cue the intro theme of Muppet Treasure Island)

We see the famous Cinderella castle with fireworks going on at the moment, and as we approach in the castle, there comes an arena, and approaching from two different sides are each a different combatant that we all know and love, Mickey Mouse, who is coming from the left, and Kermit the Frog, who is coming from the right.

Kermit: May the best character win this fight, Mickey.

Mickey: Agreed, Kermit.

They both shake their hands in agreement, and then they both get to their fighting positions.

FIGHT!

(Cue the Grand Canyon theme from Mickey’s Speedway U.S.A.)

Mickey starts off by donning on the sorcerer’s hat and unleashes a series of comet like projectiles to hit Kermit with, but Kermit literally hops out of the way to dodge each and every one of them at a time, and lands his feet on Mickey’s chest, pushing him back some and having the hat come off of him, while Kermit does a backflip and lands on his feet.

Kermit: Not bad for an amphibian.

Mickey: I agree, but now let us see you handle this.

Mickey throws a baseball chucker at Kermit, but Kermit bats it out with his “Robin Hood” staff, and Kermit tries his attack he made earlier on Mickey, but the famous red shorts wearing mouse uses his magno-flyer bi-plane toy on the famous frog this time around.

(Cue the theme of Gonzo with Balloons chase from the Muppet Movie)

Mickey: Wow that was a tough one to pull out of, huh?

Kermit: (getting up) Yeah, you got that right.

Mickey then uses a tracer chaser toy car at Kermit, but the frog manages to use the same staff to knock away the toy car. Mickey then dons on the Bubble Shield and starts to run around to try and hit Kermit, but the frog himself hops around to avoid making contact to the shield until it wears off, and fortunately for him, it does seconds later. But despite the shield wearing off, Mickey pulls out his Keyblade, the Kingdom Key D, and fires some ice projectiles. Freezing the staff off of Kermit’s hand and burning the staff to ashes with fire projectiles from the Keyblade.

Mickey: Do you have at least a sword, Kermit?

Kermit (Unsheathing a sword) I sure do, Mickey.

(Cue “Steamboat Willie” level music from Epic Mickey)

They then begin a sword dual clashing each other’s weapons with their own by trying to attack each other, while blocking each other’s attacks as well, they were even parrying out of the castle arena and into the outside of the castle, until they bump into a projector screen that reads the Mickey Mouse Cartoon: “Steamboat Willie”, while in the cartoon level which they were in, they were still parrying each other, all while avoiding rolling lumps of coal, not touching the water, being puffed up repeatedly by the steamboat pipes, and even using crates filled with chickens as platforms.

Mickey: Wow, this is just as exciting as my first time to Wasteland meeting Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

Kermit: Wow, maybe we can talk to your company to see about making an epic Kermit for me sometime.

Mickey: Maybe.

Then Kermit and Mickey see another projector screen and enter through it, and then they find themselves in what Kermit himself finds familiar, and coming from around the corner of the building are an eight foot tall yellow bird, a harry froglike monster with wonky eyes holding dozens of chocolate chip cookies, a red child monster with a pet goldfish, and even a flamingo wearing a tuxedo top, who were surprised to see Kermit and Mickey having a friendly sword dual, until the two characters continue fighting while being portal right back to the projector via a Kermit song: “Rainbow Connection”.

(Cue the rock music version of “Rainbow Connection” from “Kermit’s Swamp Years”)

They are now in a swamp in which they keep parrying each other hopping from lily pad to lily pad and avoid becoming food to hungry alligators, which they didn’t realize at all because they thought the gators were logs, and that they were still focusing on each other, and then while fighting each other, they entered an abandoned old steamboat and they keep fighting until they trip into another projector causing them to be back at the Cinderella Castle arena.

Mickey: Gosh, we’re back to where we started our friendly fight, Kermit.

Kermit: No doubts on that, Mickey.

(Cue the theme of Chicago from Mickey’s Speedway U.S.A.)

They then parried each other a few times until Mickey manages to knock the sword out of Kermit’s hands and blast it with fire shots from the Keyblade.

Mickey: You got anything left on you?

Kermit: (as he unsheathes his banjo) Just my banjo.

Just as Mickey was about to get the banjo out of Kermit’s hand, Kermit dodges it and whacks the back of Mickey’s hand causing Mickey to launch the keyblade out to the sky until bling comes a star.

Kermit: What about you Mickey? Anything else from you?

Mickey: Yes, Kermit, the magic paintbrush.

Mickey tries to use the brush to paint up a new weapon, but accidentally makes a big splotch of paint, making look like the Paint Splotcher from his early racing adventure.

Kermit was then disappointed and tries to walk to Mickey with his banjo, only to slip on the splotch and then trip on Mickey causing him to accidentally throw it up in the sky and on thinner side too when he was trying to erase the splotch with and it was releasing thinner and hits Kermit disintegrating him.

Mickey: Kermit!

K.O.!

Mickey then looks around to see if there is anyone watching and he sees that no one was present and decides to bring Kermit back to life with Paint. Kermit then appears feeling relieved that Mickey resurrects him with the brush, and Mickey thins away the splotch he made earlier.

Mickey: Wow, that was a good friendly fight.

Kermit: Yeah, and I say you were a great champ there, Mickey.

Results[]

(Cue the Ventureland theme song from Epic Mickey)

Boomstick: Phew, my childhood is saved.

Wiz: Both combatants were evenly matched at first, but then they spent their fight parrying each other most of the time.

Boomstick: Yeah, landing in certain familiar places and dodging certain dangers on the way.

Wiz: And despite Mickey being a nice guy by resurrecting Kermit, the paintbrush in thinner mode was more than enough to finish the job.

Boomstick: All this talk and show was more than enough to make one person Dizz-ney.

Wiz: The winner is Mickey Mouse.

Statler: Well, this show's fanon wiki made a lot of sense to me.

Waldorf: Me too, in which it should've made us death out of boredom.

(Statler and Waldorf then chuckle their famous heckling laughter)

Trivia[]

  • This is Maxevil's seventy forth Death Battle episode.
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