| Max Payne vs. Nathan Drake
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|---|---|
| Season 2, Episode 20 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | July 7, 2016 |
| Written by | Nkstjoa |
| Directed by | Nkstjoa |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Ryu vs Kazuya Mishima | Spinal vs. Cervantes |
Max Payne vs. Nathan Drake is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.
Description[]
Max Payne VS Uncharted! Two human one-man armies of gaming have an old-fashioned firefight! Can Nathan Drake overcome Bullet Time? Or will the ex-detective bring down the treasure hunter?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Many video games have used the concept of their main protagonist being a normal human cast into unprecedented circumstances no ordinary person could go through...
Boomstick: And while sometimes that fares true, other times, its "nornal humans" are one-man armies with bodycounts in the hundreds!
Wiz: Max Payne, the violent ex-detective.
Boomstick: And Nathan Drake, Uncharted's treasure hunter extraordinaire. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick...
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Max Payne[]
Wiz: Born in 1969, Max Payne's start wasn't easy even as a child.
Boomstick: His father, Jack Payne, was a Vietnam vet suffering from PTSD, who instilled into little Max not to fear death... and he was also an alcoholic who beat and cheat on his wife Helen. She died in 76, then three years later, so did Jack.
Wiz: Just ten years after his birth, Max Payne was an orphan.
Boomstick: But don't worry. When Max was all grown up, he trained in the New York Police Academy and, naturally, was at the top of his class. Thus, he was rapidly promoted from small-time cop to detective for the NYPD. There, he met the two dearest people in his life: his best friend and partner Alex Balder...
Wiz: And Michelle, the District Attorney who would become the love of his life.
Boomstick: See, one night, two thugs tried to rob her, but Max arrived just in time and beat them up. Then the two hung out, often drinking in bars together. That sounds like my kind of gal.
Wiz: Six months after their first meeting, they were married. Nine more months later, Max and Michelle had a daughter named Rose.
Boomstick: He was finally living a true American Dream... until one night, Max came home to the screams of his wife. He burst into action and killed the three armed intruders only to find that he was too late to save Michelle and his less than one year old child. Yeah... that's beyond tragic.
Wiz: Upon discovering the three perpetrators were on a drug called Valkyr, Max joined the DEA to bring down the drug and avenge his murdered wife and child.
Boomstick: Think things went well after that? Nope. His undercover operation into a crime family came crashing down and if that wasn't bad enough, he was framed for the death of his pal Alex and a manhunt began for Max led by his fellow officers. And then it turned out his wife and child's death was all done to cover up a conspiracy. This guy just cannot catch a break, can he?
Wiz: All of these events and more turned Max from a simple detective into a one-man bringer of pain and death to both the criminals responsible and the felons who simply got in his way.
Boomstick: I don't know about you, but as much of a cliché as the whole "far exceeded expectations" thing is, Max definitely shows it with his sheer skill and brutality in which he brings down everything from your average street thugs to mercenaries. He wields an assortment of handguns, from his favorites, the Beretta and PT92 to others like the Desert Eagle and 608 Bull revolver. All of these, he can duel-wield and it hardly even seems to effect his accuracy.
Wiz: Right. Max has grown highly skilled in wielding two light weapons at once, even capable of using the Ingram machine pistol and a sawed-off shotgun in tandem with a handgun.
Boomstick: Hey, hey, hey! If there's gonna be any talk about boomsticks, it's gonna come from yours truly! Well the sawed-off is small and light enough to duel-wield with other weapons, but if he wants to really dish out pain up close, he has larger shotties. The M500 is your standard pump-action, the Remington Super Sport is semi-automatic... and then there's the beautiful full-auto Striker.
Wiz: For faster fire, Max utilizes an assortment of other submachine guns, though his accuracy, power, and firing rate becomes greater with rifles including the AK-47, G6 Commando and the deadly M4 assault rifle.
Boomstick: And if he's far enough from his foes, Max can use a good ol' sniper rifle for heatshots and crippling blows, but now let's talk explosives. Aside from your standard grenades, he can use the rotary grenade launcher and RPG's.
Wiz: As well as molotov cocktails to force his foes out of cover, give himself breathing room from approaching enemies... or set them on fire.
Boomstick: As for close combat, while Max can use a baseball bat or lead pipe pretty well, he definitely prefers the sacred martial art of "Hit the guy with my gun, then shoot him".
Wiz: But Max's greatest and most well-known ability of all is his trademark Bullet Time, which allows Max to slow down his perception of time and enemy projectiles.
Boomstick: He can even use it to reload at ridiculous speed. But when Max wants to avoid enemy fire and take them out in style, he uses his Shootdodge technique, where he leaps away, to the side of, or towards foes, leaving him free to take aim in mid-air.
Wiz: Max has been known to kill and even heatshot multiple foes at once during this technique. Just to be able to aim and fire his weapon at that many targets in very few seconds, this shows that in Bullet Time, Max's reaction speed becomes far faster than the average human.
Boomstick: No surprise there, especially with the fact that he can SHOOT A GRENADE BEING FIRED FROM A GRENADE LAUNCHER!
Wiz: Max has accomplished the impossible in his career. He's crippled entire crime syndicates and brought down Aesir Corporation, the ones responsible for his family's death in the first place.
Boomstick: Obviously without any way to get a warrant on the place, Max just busted right through the front door and tore right through the entire security force, which, in his own words, had enough mercenaries and weaponry to start World War III.
Wiz: More than likely an exaggeration, but Max has managed to storm entire buildings of well-trained and armored foes before. Like the time he infiltrated and broke out of a police headquarters belonging to the corrupt UFE, and fought through an entire airport of their forces.
Boomstick: And even when Max does get hit, he's incredibly persistent. Not only was he once given an overdose of Valkyr, but at one point, he was shot point-blank IN THE HEAD, then got back up and eventually beat the crap out of the guy who headshot him in the first place.
Wiz: However, much of Max's tolerance of pain can be attributed to his painkillers, which he is addicted to. His Bullet Time is also not something he has an unlimited amount of, and is recharged by killing foes or taking damage himself.
Boomstick: He's also known for not always thinking things through, like when he shot a mob boss' son, forcing him to flee from the US of A. Or when he went through the front door of an airport with corrupt cops looking for his intended target instead of just hitching a ride to the hangar where the guy was headed anyway. He also become a bodyguard for a rich Brazil family. Guess how that turned out. Oh yeah, badly. It also didn't help that he often drank ON THE JOB!
Wiz: Max considers himself a dumb move guy and his family's death still haunts him, leading him to more than forgo his own safety on multiple occasions.
Boomstick: He also developed a bit of a temper in his older age.
Max Payne tries kicking down a door, then stopped in exhaustion.
Boomstick: But it doesn't even matter. Max Payne is still one of the deadliest cops in all of fiction. And even if he decides not to kill you, Max still quips out some of the best comebacks lines of all time.
Victor Branco: You know I’ll walk.
Max Payne places his pistol back in his holster.
Max Payne: You’ll walk...
He then raises his leg toward Victor’s injured leg, whose bone was plainly visible.
Max Payne: With a limp!
He stomps on it, causing the bone to break and poke out of his knee. Victor cries out in pain and grabs his leg.
Nathan Drake[]
WARNING: Contains MASSIVE spoilers for Uncharted 4: A Thief's End. You have been warned.
Wiz: Born in 1975, Nathan Morgan... yes, that's his real name... lived with his mother Cassandra, his father...
Boomstick: Whatever his dad's name is, and an older brother of five years Samuel somewhere in Spain. Everything was going well... until Cassandra Morgan's illness drove her to suicide before Nate turned five.
Wiz: With his father turning him and Samuel over to the state, Nathan was placed into the Saint Francis Boys' Home run by nuns. It was there that Nate learned much about history. He became fascinated with the explorer Sir Francis Drake and learned all he could about his craft... and Latin.
Sully: How's a kid your age know Latin?
Young Nathan: The nuns sort of insisted on it.
Boomstick: His brother Samuel was booted out of the orphanage due to some criminal activities. But one night, 12 year old Nate went along with his brother to get their mother's journal back from some old rich asshole who bought it. Caught red-handed in the manor at gunpoint by the owner, it was Sam mentioning their mother that caused the old lady to lay down her weapon... because she knew Cassandra well. That's rather convenient.
Wiz: She told the two of how their mother was a historian, and one of her works included a theory that Francis Drake, who was believed to have had no children by history, had heirs.
Boomstick: But then the cops showed up and the old woman died of a stroke, so Nate and his brother were forced to run away from the sight.
Wiz: Unable to return to their former lives and believing they were destined for greatness, Nate and Sam took on their new last name to honor their mother's belief... Drake. Many years later, under the tutelage of Victor Sullivan, Nathan Drake would hit the scene as a treasure hunter, seeking out incredible historical treasures across the globe against even the most impossible odds.
Boomstick: Despite no known formal training, Nate is ridiculously skilled at what he does, from jumping and climbing to fighting and shooting for hours on end without tiring.
Wiz: His most utilized weapons start with his small firearms: the semi-automatic PM-9mm pistol, as well as the powerful Wes-44 magnum, and fully-automatic Micro-9mm machine pistol.
Boomstick: And for his most iconic long firearms, he has the Moss-12 pump-action shotgun for close-range power and the Ak-47 assault rifle.
Wiz: While these are the firearms Nate utilizes most commonly and he can only carry up to two on his person at a time, Nate can often find the type of weapon he needs lying around wherever he goes.
Boomstick: Sounds a lot like the Chief's luck. And the stuff he comes across can sometimes be even better than what he has on him.
Wiz: The Para 9 offers an increased magazine capacity and firing rate and the Desert-5 magnum offers greater power and accuracy than the Wes-44.
Boomstick: The SAS-12 is a huge improvement over the Moss, the M4 offers greater accuracy, and the Dragon Sniper... sniper rifle offers dramatic range and can be used semi-automatically if things don't go Nate's way.
Wiz: He's also been known to utilize plenty of...
Boomsticks: Explosives! Like the Mk-DNI grenades, which, for some reason, flash red and beep after you pull the pin. Regardless, they pack a punch and Nate can carry up to four on his person at once. He can also find the M32-Hammer grenade launcher, the good ol' RPG-7, and even propane tanks... and sticks of dynamite.
Wiz: And then we have these three unique firearms: a crossbow wielded by the guardians of Shambhala. Despite its one-shot firing rate and reload time, it more than makes up for it with its bolt, which capable of piercing modern body armor, as well as its silence.
Boomstick: He also has a silenced tranquelizer pistol, which has lousy range and a one-shot limit... but a direct hit at close range will bring the recipient to sleep. Then there's the beautiful GAU-19 gatling gun.
Wiz: Granted, it weighs Nate down considerably and it's not going anywhere if he needs to climb, but its sheer power and firing rate allow Nathan to easily dominate the battlefield.
Boomstick: And in case Nate doesn't have enough cover in the area, he can carry the near-impervious riot shield, allowing him to keep on trekkin and whack foes who walk in his path. Even without weaponry, Nate's hand-to-hand can make quick work of small groups of enemies.
Wiz: His additional equipment included a flashlight, a piton for assistance in climbing, and a collapsible grappling hook.
Boomstick: And Nate's aim with this thing is insane. Yeah, the grapple hitting its mark while he's at a standstill is impressive enough, but then there is managing to throw it with the perfect accuracy he needs... while freakin' sliding and falling!
Wiz: Consider that Nate not only sees the intended grapple point, but then immediately calculates the throw and tosses it... in a matter of milliseconds, meaning that Nathan Drake can react far faster than an ordinary human.
Boomstick: That might just explain all of the crazy stuff this "ordinary man" has done.
Wiz: He's seen seven entire adventures through to the end, taken on and even brought down entire private armies and secret societies, and stopped forces from using cursed treasure for their own nefarious purposes three times.
Boomstick: He walked through the Rub' al Khali desert for days without food or water, fought off a slew of armed agents while suffering from a hallucinogen, and then there was the time after the train crash in the Nepal mountains.
Wiz: Nathan Drake had been shot in the abdomen, woke up some time later after much blood loss, and not only climbed out of the train, which was just about to fall down a cliff, but continued on through the freezing temperatures...
Boomstick: And even bringing down a squad of mercs in the shape he was in. Considering all the beatings and wounds he's walked off, it seems like nothing can stop this guy.
Wiz: Except Nate is not unstoppable. Even with his train crash feat, Nate would have eventually died were he not found and rescued by a Tibetan explorer.
Boomstick: The right headshot will put Nate down as easily as any ordinary man, and even his fisticuffs aren't unbeatable. He can be stopped in his tracks by foes wearing full body armor and the PMC leader Nadine Ross proved to be too good in unarmed combat for Nate to defeat.
Wiz: Nate is also an adrenaline junkie, can become over-obsessive with finding a treasure and proving himself to forgoing his safety, and sometimes survives against his villains through Bond villain logic, allowing him enough time and the right opportunity to escape.
Boomstick: He also tends to have help from time to time, so not everything he's pulled off was a solo effort. But even with all that said, Nathan Drake is the treasure hunter who will see all his journeys through and survive to jot about them in his journal. He is truly nothing short of a legend.
Nathan Drake and Chloe carry Elena as Shambhala crumbles behind them.
Chloe: What the hell did you do back there?
Nathan Drake: Oh you know... saved the world.
The screen goes black.
Nathan Drake: I punched a chicken.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Brazil
At the end of town towards the impending rain forest, a tower-like shack in the slums stood tall over the other houses. It was under the residence of the Comando Sombra, one of the country’s deadliest gangs. Their logo, a skull with two handguns each pointing opposite, was painted on the shack’s wall above the entrance, as well as on the doors of two jeeps parked out front. Atop the roof was a large antenna, satellite dish, and a cable that headed upwards to the top of another building that stood taller...
...and atop that tower stood a man looking through a pair of binoculars at the installation. This man wore an olive colored top with a holster across his shoulders, blue jeans, brown shoes, and a wrist cuff with a watch face in the center. It could only be the treasure hunter Nathan Drake.
He peered across, keeping a careful eye for patrols inside the shack, then saw three thugs outside sitting on chairs looking into the fortress with something on the table between them. Nate could only make out a small marking on it... which was enough for him.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: This is it. They took the map. If I can get this, I’ll be one step closer to finding where the Santa Rosa was shipwrecked.
Nate took out his PM-9mm pistol and raised his arms over the cable. He leapt off the building, grinding across the cable with the pistol and hoping he would not be notice. Luckily for him, the guards neither heard him traveling across the wire nor did they hear a small thud on the shack’s roof.
Across the street, another man peered out at the shack from behind what was once a full brick wall covering a yard, but was now an uneven pillar still standing after everything else around it came down. He had on brown shoes, beige pants, a tank top and a holster holding both a Beretta and a PT92 pistol. His head was bald, having been shaven down entirely with the only remaining hair being his eyebrows and his beard. It was the ex-detective and ex-bodyguard Max Payne.
Max Payne *thoughts*: I’d say at least now they won’t recognize me, but then I consider that I still stick out in these slums like a snake on a picnic blanket. Master of Disguise was never in my resume to begin with.
He quickly ran out and took cover behind one of the jeeps, eventually noticing that there were no guards near the entrance.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Slacking on their patrols? It could only mean one of two things...
He walked towards the roll-up door, barely lifting it so he could see the feet of anyone nearby without giving himself away entirely... and none.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Either they’re away on another pillaging...
Without any worry, Max lifts up the roll-up door enough for him to get in, then slowly lowers it behind him.
Max Payne *thought*: Or they’re preoccupied with watching their nation’s pastime.
The three thugs looked over at the television, watching a Soccer game. Nate looked downward from the roof at them, then turned over at the satellite dish. He took out his grappling hook and wrapped it across, pulling lightly to test it.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: Yeah... this seems stable.
He then slowly crawled off the roof to see if he could repel. Sure enough, it held.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: Good. It’s holding.
Inside, Max looked across at the open rooms, eying the weapons inside them while also keeping an eye out for armed thugs.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Some of your standard fare: handguns, submachine guns, rifles, and shotguns... but then I see grenade launchers, RPG’s, and a goddamn Gatling gun. Whatever they’re planning, it’s a good thing I’m about to have a long talk with the boss here.
He sees a staircase leading to a lone door.
Max Payne *thoughts*: No wonder the place has been empty so far: they’re guarding their head honcho.
He then treads carefully upwards so as to keep noise to a minimum.
If any of the three thugs watching television were to turn around, they’d clearly see a hand reaching downwards, but fortunately for the treasure hunter, they were glued to the action on the screen and nowhere else.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: Now... just gotta do this right and they’ll never even know I was here.
Max Payne reached the door and grabbed hold of the knob. He slowly turned it and pulled opened the door only a smidge.
The map on the table was so close to grabbing range for Nate.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: Just a little more...
The satellite dish supporting the grappling hook suddenly tore itself from the roof and Nate came crashing into the table. The three goons turned around in shock and saw Nate lying on the broken table.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: Oh crap.
Nathan Drake: Umm... hi.
The thugs see him with the map in his hand.
Nathan Drake: Could I borrow this?
They take out their handguns and point them at the treasure hunter, who raises his hands.
Nathan Drake: Okay, okay, you’ve got me! Now let’s all just...
In mid-sentence, he kicks one of the goons in the leg, who reels and accidentally points his handgun up and fires a round upward.
Max had just began to open the door further when he heard the gunshot.
Max Payne *thoughts*: I could only hope that was target practice.
He then hear shouting from inside the room.
Max Payne *thoughts*: No such luck.
He tried to close the door, but the door was slammed open by a swarm of thugs rushing through. Max was slammed into the wall, then slid to the ground, but was fortunate with the fact that no one bothered to notice him due to the impending crisis downstairs... all except for two, who took their time exiting the door and looked to their sides. They realized something was off when they saw the bald bearded man sitting on the ground appearing dazed. They immediately point their handguns at him without even hesitating, not even wanting to interrogate the intruder...
...but their fingers never managed to pull the triggers, as they soon fell with a bullet in between their eyes. Max had his dual pistols in hand and watched as they fell to the ground.
Max Payne *thoughts*: That probably could’ve ended badly for me if the first batch had spotted me instead of the last.
He then got back up, now on the offensive.
Max Payne *thoughts*: He had to have been mixed in with the others. Only one way to find out...
The three thugs were now downed as Nathan Drake engaged in a firefight with the remaining number of Comando Sombra fighters. He saw one pop out of cover and aim his AK-47, but a quick shot from Nate quickly brought him down. He rolled to avoid the impending gunfire, snatching the rifle in mid-roll, then rising back up and firing.
Max followed the sound of the disturbance. He realized he was in the right place when he noticed a few fallen thugs nearby. It was then he saw a Comando Sombra member wearing body armor and a cap... it had to be an elite and the one in charge of the fortress. The man fired at someone with an M4 and shouted something.
Nathan Drake: You kiss your mother with that mouth?!
From behind cover, he took out a grenade, then pulled the pin.
Max approached the CS elite, pointed his handguns at him.
Max Payne: Hey!
The man turned around, then saw Max aiming at him.
Max Payne: Fabiana Branco! Where is she?!
By the time Nate had heard all of this, the grenade had already long left his hand after the first shout. The CS elite was clearly panicked at Max’s presence alone, then...
BEEP!
Max’s eyes went big as he saw a flash of red and a grenade flying towards the man’s head. The man wondered why the man pointing guns at him was in shock... until he felt something bounce off the back of his head.
BEEP! BEEP!
The CS elite very quickly realized what it was and tried to move his feet, but practically tripped over himself. Max simply dove away.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEP!
BOOM!
Max looked over and what he saw clearly indicated to him that this elite from the Comando Sombra, the one person who may have had the information he needed, was dead. He wanted to let out all his raw anger at the one lead he could manage to fish out going completely cold, but knew that there was still one other person in the room. He kept it to himself, instead slowly walking outward with his Beretta in hand.
The last Nate had looked, he saw the man still standing and armed. He reached for his PM-9mm and slowly peeked out of cover. He saw a bald bearded man aiming a Beretta. Max saw a man aiming with a handgun of his own. Instinctively, they both fired off a shot. They both managed to evade it, then moved to cover. Max reloaded his Beretta and PT92.
Max Payne: You’ve picked a bad day to try and kill me.
Nate reloaded his PM-9mm.
Nathan Drake: Likewise, pal.
The two poke back out, staring each other down in that split-second before they pulled their triggers.
FIGHT!
Max stood up first, firing both of his handguns at once. Nate poked his head out slightly, then immediately ducked after the sound of the gunshots. He moved to the edge of cover on his side and took careful aim with his PM-9mm. Max’s shots followed downward across cover as Nate finally fired a few shots in return. Payne moved out of the way of Nate’s fire and ran to cover while firing back. Sure enough, Nate soon saw a bullet hole right near his head: Payne had barely missed him.
Nathan Drake: Oh boy!
Seeing Max behind cover about to reload one of his handguns, Nate peered out and fired his PM. Nate saw Max avoid his shot… and shot the PM right out of his hands.
Nathan Drake: Oh hell!
Max fired off a few more rounds at the fleeing Nate before his PT ran out of ammo. Just as he was about to reach for a clip...
Nathan Drake: Comin’ at ya!
Nate came charging at Max with a AK-47 in hand. Payne threw his PT at Nate, who simply moved to the side before taking cover. Max saw an M9 just nearby, but soon saw shots scattered in his direction. He saw that Nate was firing the Micro-9mm to keep him from going in that direction. Max continued running as Nate was in pursuit.
Nathan Drake: Here, kitty, kitty.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Just earlier, I would’ve said he was just another hooligan with halfway decent marksmanship, but considering he’s forced me to run, I’d say he’s overqualified for that title.
Max spotted an unlit Molotov cocktail.
Max Payne *thoughts*: It’s been a while since I’ve thrown one of these at someone...
He proceeded to light it...
Max Payne *thoughts*: But this time, I have something else in mind.
He tossed it to the ground, covering his tracks. Nate stopped in his tracks upon seeing the flames, then proceeded to follow another way into the area Max had entered. He takes cover by the doorway, then spots Max in a room filled with firearms and ammunition.
Nathan Drake *thoughts*: I don’t like the looks of that.
Instead of approaching Max directly, Nate decided to sneak into another room. In that room, Nate’s jaw dropped at the sight of a Para 9 handgun, a propane tank, a stick of dynamite, a grenade launcher, a riot shield, and a gatling gun.
Nathan Drake: I like these odds.
Max held a sawed-off shotgun in his left hand and a M10 machine pistol in his right, then peered out looking for Drake. He didn’t catch anything on that end and went to investigate the other. Nate jumped right out and threw the propane tank in his direction.
Nathan Drake: Hot potat...!
Before Nate could finish his taunt and fire a shot at the propane tank, Max had already managed to shoot it himself. Being right in the middle of the two, both were slightly pushed back by the impact. Nate in particular was on his back with his hand over his face.
Nathan Drake: ...Ooo.
Max was dazed for a moment, then ran towards Nate’s direction with both the M10 and sawed-off aimed. He fired off the sawed-off, then saw that Nate had narrowly rolled out of the way. Nate lied on the ground and took aim with his AK-47, firing a spurt at Max, who moved out of the way.
He was successful, but soon realized he had taken a shot to the left shoulder. Despite this, he still gripped his sawed-off shotgun as Nate fired off with his Micro. Desperate to avoid the shot, Max jumped out of the way, soaring through the air as time seemed to slow down before him. He was too far behind a wall to fire his M10, but he still had enough room to fire his sawed-off one more time. He fired it off, then time ran as normal, with Max landing on his right side before running back into the room. For Nate, his Micro was shot right out of his hands and one pelt of the sawed-off had grazed his arm.
Nathan Drake: Oh come on!
He looked back at the stick of dynamite and the remaining weapons inside the room.
In Max’s room, he looked over the room for anything other than weapons.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Some would say the solution to my problem was more guns, but I had to disagree.
He eventually stumbled across a small bottle of painkillers.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Took care of my alcoholism... or at least I’m currently in the process of trying to. But after today, it’ll take a very long road ahead before I’m done with these beautes.
Nate stood with the lit stick of dynamite and as it began to expire faster and faster threw it in Max’s direction. Payne saw the stick of dynamite, which was about to go off.
Max Payne *thoughts*: I liked it better when he gave me a heads-up beforehand.
He leapt out of the room as a BOOM went off behind him. Max looked back and saw all the weapons and ammo inside in ruins, and even flames beginning to emerge.
Nathan Drake: I got something for ya!
Max turned and saw Nathan Drake wielding the GAU-19 gatling gun, the barrels spinning and about to fire. The instant Max began to run, Nate fired off and turned the gatling gun to follow Max. Max ran in a circle before finding an RPG, which had somehow been sent out of the room and undamaged.
Max Payne: *whistles*
Nate looked over and saw Max with the RPG in hand. Payne fired...
Nathan Drake: Oh crap!
Nate jumped away as Max fired at the ground below him. Drake avoided it, but the GAU-19 was the farthest from operable now. Max saw the ruined gatling gun and prepared to reload it when he suddenly saw a grenade flying towards him at a fast speed.
Nathan Drake: Heads up!
Max leapt backwards outside of the complex as the grenade made quick work of his RPG. When Nate exited the smoke, he had a riot shield in his left hand and a grenade launcher in his right.
Max Payne *thoughts*: I’m getting the weirdest sense of déjà-vu, but I don’t know why.
Nate fired off grenade after grenade as Max leapt out of the way while firing his M10 and sawed-off. Both weapons failed to hit Nate, and even then, neither of which did much damage to the riot shield, if any at all. Soon enough, the sawed-off ran out of ammo , forcing Max to discard it. Payne had no more cover to rely on and realized that if this were prolonged, Nate could very well strike him down.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Don’t know where the thought came from, but it just gave me an idea...
Nate saw Max almost kneeling on the ground and fired once more. The grenade has just left the launcher as time slowed for Max, who took aim. The bullet fired, heading straight towards the grenade at a fast rate.
Nathan Drake: No, no, no!
He quickly let go of the grenade launcher and held onto the shield with both hands. The bullet struck the grenade, which soon exploded. Nate was sent flying back, shouting out as he went flying back into the building.
Nathan Drake: Oof!
Max Payne moved forward, then took cover.
Max Payne *thoughts*: That very well could’ve ended with me turned into a roasted Thanksgiving turkey if I had just been slightly off.
He reloading his M10 and took out his Beretta.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Now to see what’s left of this guy.
He walked in cautiously aiming both firearms to take down the wounded Nathan Drake...
...but all he found was the damaged riot shield, which had helped Nate to survive the grenade exploding.
Max Payne *thoughts*: That guy really lucked out. The fact that thing even survived that is quite something… though in the condition it’s in now, using it now would be a very bad idea. I suppose for a bluff, it wouldn’t be too...
He heard an engine.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Damn it, Max! You completely forget about the suspect whose still out there!
He charged outside, only to see Nathan Drake driving away in one of the jeeps. Max wanted to fire at him, but knew his effort would be wasted at the speed Nate was going.
Max Payne *thoughts*: He got away because I decided to play rookie detective. Just another failure to add to my list. This guy clearly shot out the tires to the other...
He peered over at the other jeep, and a sigh of relief came to Max that the tires had not been shot out.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Well at least I’m not the only one making rookie mistakes.
Far out into the rain forest, Nathan Drake drove through the dirt and jungled path, now going uphill and seeing a river to his side.
Nathan Drake: Let’s see how much further I am...
He took out the map and looked over at it, slightly slowing the jeep. He took out a permanent marker and readied it to mark the map.
Nathan Drake: I was here... and judging by the structures from earlier, I should be about...
Suddenly, Nate felt a bump from behind him, dropping the marker and almost losing his grip on the map: Max had shunted him with the jeep.
Max Payne: I’ve got nowhere else to go!
Nathan Drake: For the love of God!
He steered to avoid hitting a tree, then reached for an M9 in the passenger seat.
Nathan Drake: You’re up.
He blind-fired at Max from behind with one hand while in control of the jeep’s steering with the other. Max ducked as a few shots and was forced to slow down to avoid striking a tree himself. With Nate gaining more distance, Max fired his Beretta. Nate ducked the shots, which managed to strike the windshield exactly where his head was before.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Why didn’t I think of it before?
He took careful aim as Nate blind-fired once more with the M9, then aimed at the right back tire. The tire went flat, and Nate lost control, dropping his M9 in the process.
Nathan Drake: Okay, that’s not good!
He saw the jeep was about to hit a tree, and he noted a branch from above it.
Nathan Drake: Here goes...
He threw his grappling hook at the branch, which wrapped itself around it just as Nate leapt from the jeep. The jeep crashed into the tree, flipping over as Nate held onto the rope for dear life. He saw Max’s jeep building up speed and heading right for him, then spotted another branch further away. Nate swung forward and reached for it, but saw that there was no way he was going to be able to jump to it from that distance.
Nathan Drake: Ah man.
He swung backward, then went crashing into Max’s windshield. Nate practically sat between the driver and passenger seats, and even Payne was stunned at this.
Nathan Drake: I thought that branch was closer.
In that brief moment of shock from Max, Nate elbowed Payne’s face, then turned and punched him. Max was knocked out of the jeep and was sent rolling across the dirt. Nate got into the driver’s seat.
Nathan Drake: Payback’s a...
He saw that he was about to hit a tree.
Nathan Drake: Oh craaaaaa...!
He leapt out of the driver’s seat onto the dirt as well as the jeep slammed front-first into the tree. Nate lied on the ground, then looked over, realizing the hood of the jeep was missing. Sure enough, it flew down to the ground behind Nate’s head.
Nathan Drake: *chuckles nervously* That could’ve took my head off.
He saw Max on the ground slow to get up and decided to look in the back. Sure enough, something had caught his eye.
Nathan Drake: What do we have here?
Max Payne finally began to get up and brushed off the dirt from his tank top.
Max Payne *thoughts*: In all my years, I never imagined I’d end up with a broken nose in a rain forest chasing a guy.
He looked around for Max and found no signs of him.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Well wherever he’s run off...
He took out the same bottle of painkillers and took off the lid.
Max Payne *thoughts*: That gives me time to myself.
Suddenly, he heard a bush moving and took out his Beretta, dropping the lid, but still carrying the painkillers in his other hand.
Max Payne *thoughts*: More rookie mistakes. Don’t take your medicine until you know for sure you’re...
He heard another bush and went into Bullet Time, everything slowing down...
Only to see a crossbow bolt heading straight towards his chest.
Max Payne: Fuuuu...
He knew that there was no way he could avoid it entirely, but moved to the side. Even while in Bullet Time, the bolt still struck him in the right shoulder. Afterward, time went on like normal and Max dropped the bottle of painkillers and fell right onto his back. He looked over at the bolt lodged into him, then turned to the painkillers, which had fallen from the bottle into the dirt below.
Max Payne: Goddamnit!
He then turned and saw Nate in a pair of bushes reloading a crossbow.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Crossbows?
He aimed and fired his Beretta.
Max Payne *thoughts*: If I’m gonna get killed, I’d prefer it be by weapons that aren’t 15th century.
Nate saw the crossbow struck from his hands.
Nathan Drake: Geez!
He rolled out of the bushes with his Para 9 aimed at Max, but before he could make a single shot, Nate once again had his weapon knocked away by a shot.
Nathan Drake: This is getting so old!
Max fired more shots as Nate retreated behind the crashed jeep until Max realized he needed to reload. But first, he dropped the gun momentarily and used his left arm to tear the crossbow bolt out of his shoulder. Afterward, he reloaded his Beretta, then stood up and aimed. He waited for Nate...
Nathan Drake: Oh, look out!
He looked up and saw Nate swinging with his grappling hook with his feet stretched out. Payne was kicked back by Nate, who then leapt back to the ground, his grappling hook retracting back to his hands.
Nathan Drake: Wanna play rough? We’ll play rough.
Max got back onto his feet and took aim once more, only for Nate to swing his grappling hook at Payne, knocking it from his hands. Nate swung once more, slashing Max’s right shoulder.
Max Payne *thoughts*: I really need to take my time to get around this.
As Nate swung it once more, this time intending to slam it downward, Max used Bullet Time and saw it slowly approaching his head. He caught it with both hands, then leapt towards Drake as time went on normally.
Nathan Drake: Holy...!
Max punched Nate in the face as the grappling hook retracted back onto Nate’s belt. The two then looked over at the Para 9 and Beretta lying in the dirt and charged for them. Max reached downward to grab it as Nate had Max in a choke hold. Payne quickly slapped his hands into Nate’s ears, causing him to stumble back. This gave Max the time he needed to grab his Beretta, but before he could also take the PM 9 for himself, Nate slid under his legs and punched him in the groin.
Nathan Drake: You’re gonna feel that in the morning!
Max managed to get back to his feet and before Nate could grab the Para 9, he struck Nate in the side of the head twice with the Beretta, then took aim. Nate ducked, avoiding the shot, then uppercut Payne in the jaw.
Nathan Drake: Going for the John McClane look, huh?
Payne swung his pistol at Nate, who ducked to avoid both shots, then moved his hands onto the gun to try to disarm him.
Nathan Drake: It’s okay, but a wig wouldn't hurt.
However, Max overpowered him enough to aim and fire, grazing Nate’s right shoulder.
Nathan Drake: Ow! What did I say?
Nate kicked his leg and grabbed hold once again, only for Max to overpower him once more with another shot grazing the side of Nate’s head. Drake span for a moment before coming back with a punch straight to Max’s face, dazing him for a moment. Nate took the opportunity to grab Payne’s gun with his left hand while punching him with the right repeatedly. Max then grabbed onto Nate’s head with his other hand and headbutted him, then, even as Nate tried to stop the gun once more, fired off into Drake’s side. Nate began to succumb to the wound as Max readied the trigger...
...a sharp pain in Max’s side. He looked down and saw a piton lodged into his side. Just then, Nate delivered another punch to Payne’s head followed by another, then another in succession. Nate piled on the punches as Max stepped backward unable to strike or defend.
Nathan Drake: I will kick you to sleep!
He kicked Max, who nearly fell to the ground, but then fell onto his knees before Nate delivered one final punch to his head. Max reeled backward, but Nate fell right onto his hands as Payne took aim once more. Nate reached for something with one of his hands...
Nathan Drake: Oh no you don’t!
Max suddenly felt a limpness in his right armpit...
He saw a weapon with a silencer pointed right at it. Max dropped his Beretta and began to feel more and more dazed.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Tranquilizer dart...
Nate took the opportunity to retrieve his Para 9. Max tried desperately to reach for his Beretta with his left hand.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Everything going...
Drake didn’t want to take any chances and aimed right at Max’s head.
May Payne *thoughts*: No...
The bullet fired...
And Max saw it moving towards his head slowly. He knew no matter what he did, he couldn’t avoid it. He simply aimed his left hand, Beretta in hand, as Nate’s eyes went big...
Two gunshots can be heard in the distance, scaring off nearby birds.
Max Payne fell flat onto his back. Nathan Drake stumbled backward, then fell downward into the river below.
Much time passed and Max Payne still lied on the ground as Nathan Drake was violently swung through the river before going down a waterfall.
More time passed as Max Payne was motionless on the ground with the grievous wound on his head. Nathan Drake eventually slammed into a rock in the middle of the river. His arms went around the rock, as if he were holding onto it.
Max Payne opened his eyes.
Max Payne *thoughts*: The second time this has happened and like before, it felt like my very last.
He slowly got his back off of the ground and sat up.
Max Payne *thoughts*: And even though I’m still alive, I can’t help but feel the guy had nothing to do with me.
While slowly getting onto his feet, he picks up and sees a crumpled ancient map.
Max Payne *thoughts*: Just another tragic misunderstanding I have to live with.
He walks off back towards civilization.
K.O.!
Max Payne jumps over a huge gap between cliffs as five goons turn and point their guns at him. In mid-air, time slows as Max fires five shots, then reaches into his belt for something. As time goes back to normal motion, all five goons fall down as Max drives the piton into the cliff, then begins a slow climb upward. Meanwhile, Nate’s body finally lets go of the rock and continues down river.
Results[]
(*cues Max Payne 3 - Health - Tears at 25 seconds*)
Boomstick: Hold on, Nate! Come on! Just hold on, Nate! No! No, no! Noooo! *sniffles* Start it off for me Wiz, will ya?
Wiz: Neither combatants’ weaponry completely outclassed their opponents, as they were both comparable to each other and had blow-by-blow counters. They were also fairly even in hand-to-hand combat and have survived all manner of fatal situations... and blows.
Boomstick: But as tough as Nate was, even he hasn’t shown the toughness to be able to get back up from a head shot... let alone survive one.
Wiz: Max Payne also has far greater experience fighting legions of armed enemies while completely on his own... and often on their home turf in enclosed environments.
Boomstick: Yeah, Drake usually had the good fortune to face them on turf neither of them had mastered, and usually more open-ended giving him more options. Not to mention there were plenty of times Nate may have been done for were it not for his friends aiding him whereas Max has had that kind of help maybe once or twice.
Wiz: But the biggest factor of all was their reaction speeds. Nathan’s grappling feats proved he had a far faster reaction time than ordinary humans, but thanks to Bullet Time, Max Payne’s reaction speeds far exceeded anything Drake has ever faced before.
Boomstick: It's especially hard to kill a guy who can not only avoid your fire, but can even shoot airborne grenades before they even come close to him. And then there's the insane accuracy Bullet Time allows him to pull off.
Wiz: Against an opponent of Max Payne's caliber, Nate’s luck would finally run out.
Boomstick: Yeah, it looks like Nathan Drake won't be calling the shots anymore.
Wiz: The winner is Max Payne.
Next time...[]
???: Fear the name of the dread Captain Cervantes!
???: Yaahahahahahaha!
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