| Mary Poppins vs. Pennywise | |
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| Season 6, Episode 5 | |
| Air date | July 9, 2021 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Burt Gummer vs. The Jungle Hunter |
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By RedDead35000
By Zacisawesome101
Mary Poppins vs. Pennywise is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Mary Poppins from the Mary Poppins media franchise, and Pennywise from the It media franchise.
Description[]
P.L. Travers vs. Stephen King! Two combatants who really love children – one who wants to treat them right, and one that wants them to taste right. A collision that was bound to happen!
Interlude[]
Boomstick: It’s said that the great old-timey actor, W.C. Fields once said, “I like children, if they’re properly cooked.”
Wiz: Okay, one person likes children one way, and another like then another. And, that just about describes today’s battle. One of today’s combatants likes to help children and see to it that they are properly taken care of, and here we’re talking about P.L. Travers’ wonderful nanny, Mary Poppins.
Boomstick: And one of them likes to spice kids up with absolute terror and then gobble them right down, and here we’re talking about Stephen King’s nightmarish clown, Pennywise.
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Mary Poppins[]
Wiz: Who is Mary Poppins? Well, the world may never really know. She literally blew in on the wind one day. Not on a broomstick, as you might expect, but packing an umbrella and a carpetbag.
Boomstick: You mean to carry carpets in?
Wiz: No, made of. Anyway, we first see Mary Poppins in the early part of the nineteenth century, when she arrived at the Banks’ house, Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London. The Banks’ household was in an uproar, as it too often was, due to interaction of a pair of busy parents, and four rambunctious children – Jane and Michael, and the baby twins, Barbara and John.
Boomstick: Mary Poppins was a no-nonsense sort of English nanny, who believed quite strongly in discipline and obedience. Where their parents were distant and preoccupied, old M.P. was very attentive and controlling.
Wiz: But, as soon as she arrived, the Banks children began to notice that she could do magical things, from flying on the wind, to riding *up* banisters, to talking to animals, to sticking new stars in the sky.
Boomstick: They went on many adventures with their magical nanny, including having tea on the ceiling, to travelling around the world, to even visiting the moon. It seems that wherever she went, people automatically recognized her, showing that she has been just about everywhere, apparently serving as nanny for children everywhere in the world, and even on other worlds.
Wiz: Mary’s relatives all seem to have magic powers, with the most strange being her one uncle, who is the proverbial “Man in the Moon.” From his position, he can see everything that happens on the Earth, and he knows almost everything.
Boomstick: Now, as old rosy-cheeks was the star of books and movies for children, we never do see her in a physical altercation. However, she did flex her powers a lot...and I mean a lot!
Wiz: Just what were Mary Poppins’ powers I hear you ask? Well, truly it can be boiled down to one power, the power of “Essokinesis,” which is an extreme form of reality warping.
Boomstick: To put it more simply, Mary can ignore reality, modify reality, and create realities on a whim.
Wiz: She has ignored reality by such simple actions as floating up and over a gate, rather than opening it and walking through. On multiple occasions, she sat on the handrail of a staircase, and slid *up*, as if gravity were not an immutable law. She has used smoke as stair cases and clouds as chairs, and once, during a particularly fierce windstorm, she walked through it as if the wind never touched her, not even ruffling her skirt.
Boomstick: She has been able to modify reality by being able to communicate with animals, the wind and even stars. She has animated household furniture and statues, as well as people’s shadows. And, she has turned back time.
Wiz: She has also been able to create discrete universes that she can enter through such physical portals as paintings and the images on pottery. And, she can create seemingly real people from thin air, often using such mental constructs as literary characters or the zodiac. But these are not illusions. For example, when she gave a shiny coin to Orion, he hung it on his belt and took it back to the sky. From then on, it was observed that a new star had been added to the belt of the hunter in the constellation of Orion.
Boomstick: But, just who is Mary Poppins? During her birthday party, which many celestial bodies attended in physical shape came, the Sun said of her power, “What is real and what is not? Can you tell me or I you? Perhaps we shall never know more than this – that to think a thing is to make it true.”
Wiz: And, just who has that kind of power? Well, Mary Poppins makes one other appearance, in the 2007 graphic novel, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier. At the end of the world, when the Anti-Christ is destroying the world, Mary Poppins shows up to put a stop to him. And, who does she identify herself as? The God of the Bible!
Boomstick: That’s right, before she created time itself, she rocked fretful baby gods to sleep, she hung the stars in the sky, and she bound the quarters of the world into her compass.
Wiz: And when it came time to dealing with the ultra-powerful Anti-Christ, she simply turned him into a chalk painting, and brought the rain to wash him away.
Boomstick: That’s right, Mary Poppins looks sweet and harmless, and she acts like she just jumped out of a Victorian melodrama, but don’t underestimate her. She’s a power beyond power!
Pennywise[]
Wiz: Pennywise, the Dancing Clown. Who could be afraid of a clown who hands out pretty, red balloons?
Boomstick: Well, if you get involved with Pennywise, you’ll float too.
Wiz: You see, Pennywise isn’t a simple circus performer; he...or she...or more correctly, “IT”, is a trans-dimensional creature from beyond our universe...far beyond our universe.
Boomstick: OK, here’s about the closest you are going to get to a simple and straightforward explanation of the origin and nature of this creature. You see, in the beginning there was a sort of cosmic chaos known as the Prim, and in the Prim were creatures beyond our understanding.
Wiz: One of these creatures was Gan. Now, either Gan created the first universe, or a giant turtle named Maturin got sick and barfed it out.
Boomstick: Yeah, this is some pretty weird crap.
Wiz: There was the initial universe, which might be the one that contains Keystone Earth, or it might be the one containing All-World, or it might be another one entirely, and the rest of the universes are reflections of this initial universe. But, just like if the reflections were created by funhouse mirrors, each Earth is different in little ways or big ways.
Boomstick: All of these universes are tied together by the Dark Tower, a multi-dimensional hub that the other universes revolve around. You can think of all of the universes as a sort of cosmic wedding cake, with all of the layers staked up on top of each other...and sharing the same space as each other...and connected by the Dark Tower...My brain hurts.
Wiz: Now, if you are outside of the wedding cake, looking at it, you are in the Macroverse. It’s there that you may or may not find Gan, and may or may not find Maturin...who may or may not be dead. Yes, I think that my brain is beginning to hurt as well.
Boomstick: Now, among the weird creatures living in the Macroverse, are creatures called Glamours, a race of shapeshifting creatures that feed on fear.
Wiz: The true Pennywise, or, IT, is possibly one of these Glamours. However, IT believes itself to be one of the two primordial creatures, along with Maturin. What IT thinks of Gon is unknown.
Boomstick: OK, this is all pretty unclear and contradictory. What is known is that a part of IT, or perhaps an avatar of IT, crashed to Earth millions of years ago, in the area that would become Derry, Maine. IT then went to sleep, and waited for the arrival of humans.
Wiz: When IT began feeding on the natives that eventually moved into the area, IT took the shape of their greatest fear, a giant eagle. When Europeans began to arrive, IT settled on a new shape, that of Pennywise, an itinerant clown.
Boomstick: When IT is at home, it tends to change into its naturally shape. This shape cannot be comprehended by humans, who can best understand it to look like a giant spider.
Wiz: Now, IT’s two greatest powers are intertwined, and nearly impossible to separate. These are the powers of Reality Manipulation, and the power to control human minds, including generating illusions. When is something that IT does an illusion, and when is it real? It’s impossible to be sure.
Boomstick: You can ask if all of the things that IT has done are illusions, but they are not. It pretty much covers Beverly Marsh’s bathroom in blood, and though her father cannot see it, it stays until she and her friends clean it up. Also, when IT was dying, it conjured up an incredible storm that nearly wiped the town of Derry off of the map.
Wiz: Now, IT’s power of illusions is fairly formidable. The illusions that IT creates can seemingly be touched and smelled, and they can kill. IT can make them visible only to one person, or a number of people, or to all people. They can be disbelieved, and at that point they will disappear, but the person doing this must *perfectly* disbelieve in them. That is to say, he or she cannot simply doubt them, they must *know* that they are not real.
Boomstick: Now we go to the flipside of the coin, and ask, what is the extent of IT’s ability to warp reality? IT can seemingly manipulate nature, causing plants to grow or wither, and storms to appear out of clear skies. IT can manipulate inanimate objects, making them float or crash down, and even animate them. How often is warped reality and how often just illusions are work. Who knows?
Wiz: Another power that IT has is the ability of telempathy, which is the ability to remotely sense others’ thought and emotions. This allows IT to read someone’s thoughts and fears, and employ them against that person. IT can even implant emotions in people, making them more fearful, more violent, or when it’s convenient, apathetic to what’s going on around them. And, IT can manipulate what people perceive, and remove memories of events.
Boomstick: The next most powerful...er, power, that IT has is the ability to shapeshift. This allows IT to become your greatest fear. When in this shape IT seems to have all of the abilities of that shape, such as sharp teeth and claws, and so forth. A problem for IT, though, is that it takes on any weaknesses that that shape has. For example, if IT becomes a vampire, then it shares the vampire’s weakness to light. And, if it turns into a werewolf, it shares the werewolf’s weakness to silver. And, so forth.
Wiz: But, there is a question as to how vulnerable IT is. In many ways, Pennywise the clown is an avatar of IT, the spider monster. But, IT is an avatar of the Deadlights...or something like that.
Boomstick: Regardless of how you look at it, this baddy is a powerful and complicated opponent. It’s a conundrum wrapped in an enigma. And, a damn dangerous one at that!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Jane and Michael Banks sat on a park bench as the sky slowly darkened above them. Michael picked at a seam in the leather of his shoe, his mind many miles away from his body. And Jane's eyes roamed across the sky, following the flight of a flock of geese winging their way towards the Penobscot River.
Suddenly, Jane spotted a tiny ivory star peeping out from the sapphire blue sky. Locking her eyes on the speck of light, she quietly sang the familiar old tune.
"Star light
Star bright,
First star I’ve seen tonight,
Wish I may
Wish I might
That the wish may come true
That I wish tonight."
She wasn't surprised when nothing happened, but she was disappointed for reasons she could not even explain to herself.
"It's time we went home," Michael said quietly.
Jane ignored him, and sat staring at the star. Had it gotten brighter? She could have sworn that it had.
Michael stood up and announced, "We need to go home now, Jane."
The star was definitely brighter. It was as if someone was shining an electric torch at her from the sky. She lifted her hand, and peered at the star from between two of her fingers.
Michael turned and looked up at the sky. Then, he too lifted his hand to shade his eyes against its brightness.
The light continued to grow until the children found it too bright to stand, and they both squeezed their eyes shut.
And suddenly, the light was gone.
The children opened their eyes, and through the gathering gloom of the twilight, they saw a tall figure standing in front of them. It was a woman. It was a woman who looked like a wooden Dutch doll. She was dressed in a bright blue dress, with a straw hat on her head.
"Mary Poppins!" the two children breathed as one.
Then, they leaped up, and began to dance around her.
Mary Poppins sighed and gave the two children a disapproving look.
"You may now live in a savage land, Jane and Michael, but you are not savages," she said. "And I am not a totem pole, so please stop dancing around me."
Jane and Michael stopped dancing, but they both wrapped their arms around her waist and gave her a big hug.
“Oh Mary Poppins,” Jane said. “We’re so happy to see you.”
The nanny looked down at the children, and said, “It’s getting late, children, and you should be getting home.”
Taking both children by the hand, she began walking them towards the park’s gate. Suddenly, a group of red breasted birds flew up to the three, landed in the grass and began cheeping and chirping.
Mary Poppins sighed, and looked crossly at the birds. “One at a time, if you please,” she said. “I can’t understand a word you say when you all talk at the same time.”
Jane and Michael looked confusedly at the birds, and then at Mary Poppins.
One at a time, the birds twittered at the woman. The children had long thought that the birds’ noises had sounded somewhat like speaking, but they had never really believed that it was. Mary Poppins, on the other hand, nodded as each birds made its noises, and then responded with questions, such as, “Did you see this yourself?” and “How many?” and “Are you sure about this?”
As she conversed with the birds, her face became more and more serious.
Finally, she sighed and looked to the south. She gazed thoughtfully in that direction for a minute, and then turned back to the birds.
“It’s time for you to go to bed,” she told the birds, and they dutifully flew away.
“And, indeed, it is also time for you, Jane, and you, Michael, to go to bed as well,” she added.
Holding the children’s hands, she led them out to Central Street, and then on to Palmer Lane. It wasn’t until later that the children thought to wonder how she had known which house was theirs, but she led them unerringly to the new, grand house that was theirs.
She marched them into the house, where they met a very surprised Winifred Banks. “Oh, Mary Poppins,” she exclaimed in surprise. “How clever of you to find us. We are in such desperate need of a nanny for the children, especially after...after...” Her voice just trailed away vaguely before she suddenly seemed to find herself, and she added, “Well, and we wouldn’t have a foreigner for a nanny, of course.”
Mary Poppins studied the other woman carefully, and then said, “Of course. Now, I had better get the children to bed.”
Mrs. Banks nodded. “Yes, thank you, Mary Poppins,” she replied, sounding desperately grateful.
Mary Poppins led the children up to the nursery, where they were surprised to see her old folding camp-bedstead and carpetbag already set up.
The nanny looked around and then asked, “Where are the Twins?”
The children’s faces fell, and Jane answered, “Oh, Mary Poppins, it was terrible. They say that they were killed by a bear or something. It was absolutely horrible. Mother and Father never talk about them anymore, and they seem so sad.”
Michael looked at her intensely, and then said, “Strange things have been going on here. Very strange things.”
Mary Poppins nodded, and said, “Yes, I think I know, Michael. Alright children, it’s time for bed, spit-spot.”
She got out her miraculous medicine bottle, gave them each a spoonful, and then dressed them for bed.
After placing them in their beds, Mary Poppins dowsed the lights, but instead of climbing into her cot, she walked to the window and stood looking out. Jane and Michael heard her humming a gentle tune. It was soft and sweet and seemingly timeless. Before they knew it, their eyes grew heavy and they fell fast asleep.
Stepping out, onto the balcony outside the nursery, she gazed out into the inky blackness of the night. Mary Poppins’ eyes turned from left to right. Her humming stopped, and she quietly intoned:
“Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
“In what distant deeps or skies.
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?
“And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?
“What the hammer? what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp,
Dare its deadly terrors clasp!
“When the stars threw down their spears
And water’d heaven with their tears:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?
“Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?”
A silver-white figure stepped out of a copse of trees. He looked down at the slowly disappearing lights of Derry, but his eyes focused on one house in particular.
Pennywise could feel the presence of the other. Her power wrapped around her like a flame, a beacon in the night.
What was she doing here?
Somehow, in spite of the distance, he stared at Mary Poppins...and she stared back at Pennywise.
The next morning, the children joined Mary Poppins for breakfast, and then they cleaned the nursery. When they were finished, Mary Poppins donned her going-out hat, and studied herself in the mirror. She smiled with evident satisfaction at her reflection, and turned to look at the children.
“All right, children,” she announced. “We have work to do, and there is no time like the present.”
As the children put on their shoes, Mary Poppins stepped over to the bookcase, selected a book, opened it, and began to thumb through it. Apparently finding what she wanted to find, she nodded to herself, closed the book, and tucked it under her arm.
Mary Poppins set off down the street at a brisk pace, with the Banks children marching along behind her, like ducklings behind a mother duck.
They walked down Palmer Lane to Jackson Street, and up Jackson Street to Kansas Street. Then, they turned along Kansas Street, and began walking right to the edge of town.
Michael was just about to complain about the long walk, when he noticed that Mary Poppins had stopped. She was looking up the hill towards the Standpipe, the large tower that held Derry’s water supply.
Wearing her usual, determined look, Mary Poppins set out across the field, and up to the door of the tower. They went though the stone archway, and into the interior of the building. There was a wooden staircase to the right; that curved around the iron water tank, ascending towards its top.
When they got to the top, the children were amazed to see when the interior of the building looked like. There was a maze of wooden beams that made a lattice-work support for the roof. Jane realized that it looked vaguely like a spider web, and she trembled.
Michael looked down into the tank. The water appeared inky-black, and looked to be bottomless.
Mary Poppins cleared her throat, and announced, “You can come out now, we are here.”
The children looked around, but nothing happened.
A cross look crossed the nanny’s face, and she announced with a commanding voice, “This is unacceptable behavior. You will come out, now!”
That tone of voice had never failed to make Jane and Michael obey, and they were not surprised when a figure appeared on the far end of the Standpipe, having stepped out from behind the middle column.
Pennywise advanced along the catwalk that ran around the edge of the water tank.
At first, the children had been delighted to see a circus clown sharing the building with them. They had always loved the circus, and the clowns were their favorite.
But, as Pennywise moved towards them, they started to feel a vague foreboding about his presence. Without even thinking, they both took a step backwards.
Mary Poppins’ head swiveled towards them, and she said, “Stay where you are, children. You must learn to confront your fears, and overcome them.”
She looked back at the clown, who stopped a few feet away from her.
Pennywise smiled, and purred, “I don’t think that we have been properly introduced. I am Pennywise, the Dancing Clown.” And, with that, he stuck out his hand.
Mary Poppins looked down coldly at the proffered hand, and then back up at Pennywise’s face.
“You are both more than I expected, and a great deal less,” she said. “You do not belong here, and I believe that it is time for you to move along.”
With that, she took the book out from under her arm, opened it, and extended it towards Pennywise.
“I want you to look at the picture in this book,” she announced.
Pennywise kept his eyes locked on hers, so the nanny announced in a commanding voice, “I want you to look at this picture.”
His head somewhat trembling, the clown’s eyes trailed down to the book.
He screamed a scream of anger, and seemed to be physically drawn into the book. He shrank down, as he flew into the picture, and then he was gone.
Mary Poppins snapped the book closed with a clap that echoed around the top of the Standpipe. Then she flung the book into the water tank, where it sank silently into the depths of the water.
She turned back to the children, and announced, “The brave person is not without fear, instead he or she confronts their fears, and having done so, overcomes them.”
She adjusted her jacket, and said, “Now, we have some errands to run, and there is no time like the present.”
The three walked down the steps, and out into the sunlight.
In an alternate reality, Pennywise found himself standing in a jungle clearing.
Suddenly, there was a roar, and a huge, green dinosaur advanced out of the trees.
Pennywise looked at the creature from under his eyebrows, and smiled evilly at it.
Mary Poppins stopped in front of a dry good store, and looked at herself in the mirror that stood there. She smoothed back her hair on one side, and nodded approvingly at what she saw.
Suddenly, she noticed another figure in the reflection. Across the street stood a clown, in silver-white clothing, holding a red balloon in one upraised hand. He pointed at her with the other hand, and seemed to shake with laughter.
A cross look appeared Mary Poppins’ face, and suddenly, a large, golden bee flew down a sunbeam, and alighted on Pennywise’s balloon. The balloon popped with a loud report. The smile on the clown’s face was instantly replaced with a look of pure rage.
Mary Poppins spun on her heel, and looked across the street, but there was no one there. She looked down at the children’s shocked faces, and said, “We learn wisdom from failure much more than success. We often discover what we will do, by finding out what we will not do.”
She looked up and down the street, and then announced, “Well, it is truly said that, ‘a job half done is as good as none.’”
She looked down at Jane and Michael. “Our errands are not done, come along, children.”
Mary Poppins led the children out of town, and up to a cave at the outskirts of town.
She turned to them, and said, “Children, the one who is in there likes to make people afraid; that is where he gets his power, like all bullies and would-be tyrants. But, you must not be afraid. Remember, 'Play up! play up! and play the game!'”
Jane and Michael squared their shoulders, and nodded.
Mary Poppins reached into her handbag, and pulled out an impossibly large lantern. She struck a match and lit it. Then, she squared her own shoulders and turned to the cave. “Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the Horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid,” she said. “Forward march!”
With that, the three marched into the cave.
Walking past debris and muddy puddles, the three rounded a corner, and found themselves in a tall room with an open ceiling far above them.. There was a veritable mountain of debris, and around the mountain floated the bodies of many of Pennywise’s victims.
Jane and Michael squeaked in horror, and grabbed onto each other. Mary Poppins’ face grew angry as she looked up, with her hands on her hips.
Suddenly, a tinny voice rang out, saying, "Step right up, children! Step right up. Come change. Come float! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cheer, you'll die. It’s my great honor to introduce this evening’s renowned guest, the one, the only, Mary Poppins!”
Suddenly, a door dropped open, exposing a small stage. There was a flash of fireworks, and when the brightness cleared, there stood a simulacrum of Mary Poppins. This Mary Poppins was wearing a improbably brightly-colored dress, that only reached to her knees, and a bright blue bowler hat.
Cheery music began to play, and the faux-Mary Poppins began to sing and dance. Worse, she was singing a bawdy song about a woman wearing apparently no clothes at all.
The children could not believe their eyes or ears. Mary Poppins acting like that? She and Michael looked over at their Mary Poppins, and could see that the woman was practically incandescent with silent rage.
The two children quailed back from their nanny.
Suddenly, the real Mary Poppins’ voice rang out, seeming to fill the huge room, “When you’ve quite finished!”
Abruptly, the music stopped, and the faux-Mary Poppins looked over at the real one. Then, she took a flying leap, and soared over to land in front of the real one.
The two Mary Poppins eyed each other coldly, and then the faux one said, “Is that what you are afraid of? Being made to look cheap and common?”
Mary Poppins lifted her hand, and slapped the other across the cheek, with a sound like that of a gunshot.
The slap spun Pennywise’s head to the side, the blow having broken the illusion. He turned back to the nanny.
“I am not afraid of anything, least of all something as small and petty as you,” Mary Poppins said coldly. “I rocked the fretful baby gods to sleep before time started, and I am companion to the women who paste up the stars. The quarters of the world are bound unto my compass. I have taken tea with earthquakes. I know what the bee knows... And you really are nothing but a dreadful little insect!”
Pennywise sniffed at the woman, and looked disgusted. Then, he said, “You are not afraid...but you will be.”
Then, he opened his mouth. It opened wide, and then wider. His whole head seemed to open up, and light poured out, the sickly orange light of the Deadlights!
Suddenly, Mary Poppins lifted her umbrella, and thrust it into Pennywise’s mouth, opening it up and completely filling the cavity.
Pennywise choked and heaved, his hands grabbing at the umbrella.
“Oh, what have you done to me now?” moaned the parrot’s head handle of the umbrella.
Mary Poppins stepped back, and coldly eyed the struggling Pennywise.
Finally, Pennywise pulled the umbrella out of his mouth, and threw it off to the side.
“Ouch!” squeaked the parrot’s head, as the umbrella bounced off of the wall and dropped to the ground.
Pennywise seemed to swell, getting larger and larger. His legs spilt and split again, giving him the appearance of a giant Pennywise-spider. Then, his hands elongated into huge, scythe-like spikes, and he advanced on Mary Poppins.
The nanny stood her ground.
Suddenly, IT’s shadow disconnected from him, and then charged into him, bowling him over. Jane and Michael’s shadows also disconnected from them, and ran over to join the fray. Soon, they had pinned the spider-monster to the ground.
“I am the eater of worlds!” IT bellowed.
Mary Poppins walked up to the struggling monster, and looked down at him. Then, she lifted her handbag, opened it and reached inside. Her hand came out pulling out a long bronze sword.
She presented the sword to the clown, and said, “This was given to me by an old friend. He used it cut off the head of a Philistine giant named Goliath. I believe that it will cut off your head as well. I believe it with all my heart that it will kill you. Shall we see?”
“No!” IT shouted.
Then, a wind began to blow through the cave. The wind grew stronger and stronger, reaching gale-force. Jane and Michael were blown across the cave, and pinned against the wall.
But, Mary Poppins stood before Pennywise, with her hair showing no sign of being ruffled by the winds.
“No! No!” IT shouted, “I am the eater of worlds!”
“Such naughtiness,” she said shaking her head. “Oh well, as they say, sharp’s the word and quick’s the motion.”
And with one fluid motion, she swung the sword over and down, neatly severing IT’s head.
The winds abruptly trailed off, and IT’s body crumbled into dust.
K.O.! []
The earth began to shake, and parts of the distant roof of the cave began to tumble down.
“Children, come here!” she shouted while reaching into her handbag. “It’s time to go home.”
As the children ran up to her, Mary Poppins drew a compact from her bag, opened it, drew out the puff, and powdered her face. When she had finished, she blew across the powder, creating a cloud, that formed into a gossamer staircase leading up.
Taking the children’s hands, she led them up the stairs, which remained perfectly still, while the ground around them shook and crumbled.
Reaching the surface, the three beheld a devastated landscape. Mary Poppins turned to the children, and said, “Well, I think that the Dawes, Tomes, Mousely, Grubbs Fidelity Fiduciary Bank will be closing their branch in the Maine now, and you will soon be back in England’s green and pleasant land, where we can walk on England’s mountains green.”
And, with that, she began to walk back towards town.
Results[]
Boomstick: that was rather disappointing! Where were the explosions? The flying dropkicks? What kind of fight was that?
Wiz: Well, the nature of the combatants weighed heavily on how their conflict took shape. You see, while Pennywise can physically attack someone, he usually only does it to instill fear in them. His whole way of operating is to find out his target’s fears, and then work on them, and only move in to finish off the opponent after they are well and truly terrified.
Boomstick: The singing nanny, on the other hand, never really showed anything in the way of fears. She showed a real streak of vanity, often stopping to look at herself in mirrors, and proclaiming herself, “Practically perfect in every way.”
Wiz: In the works of P.L. Travers, Mary Poppins was presented as the very model of the Victorian English nanny, a paragon of Victorian virtues. She demanded bravery, rationality, discipline, and always doing the right thing. She never showed fear, or even uncertainty.
Boomstick: And that’s probably because of her powers. She could always ignore reality, modify it, or create new realities whenever she felt like it. Was she truly God, as presented in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Black Dossier? Well, if not, then she was dang close to it.
Wiz: And while Pennywise had strong powers that could stymie most humans, he could not deal with someone who believed in themselves. And, if there was someone who Mary Poppins believed in, it was herself.
Boomstick: And that’s why the winner of this battle is the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious nanny, Mary Poppins!
Next Time[]
Catwoman, she steals the show in every movie that she even appeared in, but which Catwoman was the most fearsome? Tune in next time to find out when we present the Cinematic Catwoman Battle Royale!
Trivia[]
- That version of Star Light, Star Bright might look unfamiliar. Though not the version that I heard in my childhood, this version was the one that Jane sang in the 1952 book, Mary Poppins in the Park.
- The red-breasted birds are American robins, a migratory bird native to North America. They are a member of the thrush family, and have always sounded to me like they were talking. Well, somewhat.
- The Tyger is a poem by the English poet William Blake, and was originally published in 1794. I thought that it was very fitting to make it about Pennywise.
- “Play up! play up! and play the game!” is taken from the 1897 poem, Vitai Lampada (The Torch Relay), by English poet, Sir Henry Newbolt. It was very popular among certain classes in Victorian England.
- “Beyond this place of wrath and tears…” is taken from the 1888 poem, Invictus, by English poet William Ernest Henley
- The singing and dancing Mary Poppins sounds like the scene from the movie, Mary Poppins Returns. Well, it was. I was appalled when I saw that scene, and could not imagine anything more unlike the Mary Poppins of P.L. Travers. I'm sure it had the author spinning in her grave.
- "In England’s green and pleasant land," is taken from And did those feet in ancient time, another poem by the English poet William Blake, which was originally published in 1804 as part of his, Milton: A Poem in Two Books.
Polls[]