Interlude[]
Tabashi: You might be very surprised to know that out of all the Kaiju in cinematic history, very few of them have been shown to ACTUALLY EAT people.
Angel: However, we've poked around, and found five of them that HAVE. So, let's create a bloody Battle Royale!
Tabashi: Gyaos, the Shadow of Evil and Gamera's most recurring foe.
Angel: Gaira, one of two spawns of Frankenstein and a big ripoff of King Kong.
Tabashi: Zedus, the frilled fighter and ugliest lizard you'll ever see.
Angel: Baragon, the God of the Earth and cutest Godzilla monster ever!
Tabashi: And Cloverfield, the Big Baby and destroyer of Manhattan. Now, to make this fight fair for everyone, all of these combatants will be adjusted to 262 feet (80 meters) tall.
Angel: In addition, Gyaos will only stay in his base form, or else this would be no contest. He's Tabashi and I'm Angel!
Tabashi: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win in our bloodiest Battle Royale yet!
Gyaos[]
Tabashi: The year was 1967, just two years after Gamera attacked Japan and one year after he fought his first opponent.
Angel: A chain of seismic activity had caused Mount Fuji to erupt, and, to make matters worse, a weird green glow was emanating from a cavern on the side of the mountain. When some U.N. scientists traveled to the cavern in a helicopter, something bizarre happened.
Tabashi: A yellow laser cut the copter clean in half, killing everyone on board!
Angel: Enter Gyaos, the Shadow of Evil and Gamera's most recurring foe. This giant ripoff of the Fire Demon ravaged a village, killing adults and kids alike. And that's why Gyaos qualifies as one of the five Malicious Man-Eater Kaiju.
Tabashi: Anyways, after eating a reporter and capturing a kid, Gamera arrived to fight Gyaos, rescuing the kid at the cost of a Supersonic Scalpel shot to the right arm. Gamera then retreated to the ocean to heal his wounds, while Gyaos ravaged the city of Nagoya.
Angel: An operation called "Operation: Merry-Go-Round" was put into action to stop Gyaos, but it didn't work, so Gamera had to come back to stop Gyaos once and for all.
Tabashi: Which he did by forcing Gyaos into a volcano. But Gyaos still was powerful enough to challenge Gamera, so let's talk about his abilities. He stands an impressive 197-213 feet (60-65 meters) tall, and has a wingspan of 328-564 feet (100-172 meters) as well as a weight of 25-60 metric tons. Also, this incarnation of Gyaos can fly at Mach 3.5 (2,685.4mph).
Angel: That gives him a KE yield of 4.3-10.3 Tons of TNT. In addition, like most flying Kaiju, Gyaos can create hurricane winds just by flapping his wings. Gyaos is also a nocturnal creature, so naturally, he has a poison gas he can emit from his "nipples", which doubles as the world's largest fire extinguisher! What the hell were these guys on when they created Gyaos' abilities!?
Tabashi: A lot is my guess. Anyways, Gyaos also has a powerful healing factor, as it was able to regrow a severed foot after (possibly) an hour. But Gyaos' most iconic trait is undoubtedly the Supersonic Scalpel.
Angel: This baby is actually created by Gyaos' super sonic scream, so the Supersonic Scalpel can resonate at 3,000,000 hertz, travel at Mach 2.39-4.72 (1,834-3,622mph), and (in a similar manner to Shin Godzilla) slice neatly and cleanly through objects. Also, the source of the Supersonic Scalpel is apparently having a fork-shaped throat with two spinal cords.
Tabashi: Gyaos' feats include fighting Gamera twice (and actually defeating him in their first encounter), surviving being spun around rapidly while drinking blood, and his Supersonic scalpel easily cut through Gamera's right arm. Gamera (in the very same movie) survived a collision with an asteroid, which yielded 6-7 Megatons of TNT. And Gyaos' Supersonic Scalpel EASILY tore through Gamera's arm!
Angel: But as powerful and versatile as Gyaos is, he still has his fair share of weaknesses. Having two spinal cords means Gyaos can't turn his head sideways (just up and down), and he is vulnerable to his own Supersonic Scalpel, since he managed to sever is own foot off while Gamera was chomping on it.
Tabashi: Also, since Gyaos is a nocturnal creature, he can't be exposed to sunlight, or else he'll shrivel up and die. However, that problem can be solved with the poison fog. Also, Gyaos seems to be pretty weak to fire in general, since... well, there's a reason why the fog extinguishes flames!
Angel: But from dusk 'til dawn, you'd better watch out for the Shadow of Evil!
Gaira[]
Zedus[]
Baragon[]
Tabashi: A creature thought to be extinct long before has risen from the depths.
Angel: Enter Baragon, the God of the Earth.
Tabashi: This creature has been living off of people and then came upon an oil field. He then destroyed an entire village, who blamed Frankenstein.
Angel: Wait, how can Frankenstein, an average-sized person, destroy an entire village?
Tabashi: It was a 66-foot tall version of Frankenstein.
Angel: Oh yeah, that makes much more sense.
Tabashi: Anyways, Baragon's burrowing is pretty impressive. In a matter of mere seconds, he is able to dig, and he has a specialized heat ray used for softening up rocks to dig through.
Angel: Funny, I always thought Kaiju had that for no reason other than fighting.
Tabashi: Well, not Baragon at least. And his Physical capability is impressive. He's able to lift Kaiju and toss them like they're bean bags.
Angel: And he has one AWESOME ability, called THE LAVA ERUPTION!!
Tabashi: Ah yes, the lava eruption. When Baragon digs underground, he makes an eruption under his opponents, launching them high up.
Angel: So be warned. If you see Baragon, you'd better be Bara-GONE!
Cloverfield[]
Tabashi: The year was 2008, just 10 short years after a certain Giant Lizard attacked New York, and 75 years after most versions of the King of Skull Island did so.
Angel: But, just when you thought that there would be some peace and quiet, some submarines had to go down to the depths of the ocean in order to investigate investigate something.
Tabashi: Seriously, what the hell is it with people using submarines? They just end up waking up Kaiju! You'd think they would learn something at least ONCE! Anyways, instead of finding the sunken corpse of the Titanic, some kind of ancient treasure, or even Atlantis (in all of its incarnations), they awakened something huge. Something powerful. They awakened the Kaiju known as Cloverfield.
Angel: Cloverfield stands at 240-300 feet tall on all fours (and 351 feet tall when biped), weighs 5,806.04 metric tons. So he's a lightweight that has multiple arms. Great! He spends his time destroying New York, and tried to eat the Statue of Liberty's head.
Tabashi: It must not have tasted good, because Cloverfield straight-up THREW THE HEAD ALL THE WAY TO MANHATTAN! Damn, he'd fit right in on that one Godzilla-Ultraman-Gundam-Kamen Rider baseball game! Well, amazing throwing skills aside, Cloverfield’s origins are unknown. Sure, the subs may have AWAKENED him, but we don't know where he came from.
Angel: Well, there IS that rumor that since Clover was mentioned (at some point) in Pacific Rim: Uprising, he could've originated from their realm. And possibly during The Cloverfield Paradox, he was brought to the CloverVerse instead of the Anteverse. However, since that has not been confirmed yet, just take it with a grain of salt.
Tabashi: Anyways, Clover's relatives include parasites that are the size of dogs, and they number in at just about 2,000. Both Cloverfield and his parasites have one thing in common... they have toxic bites.
Angel: The venom is so strong, it can kill a monster, as long as they don't have a decent healing factor. Cloverfield also has super thick skin, which is how he survived the intense pressure of the bottom of the ocean. As a bonus, it's fire-resistant!
Tabashi: In addition to that, Cloverfield is invulnerable to military weapons. In fact, in 2008, New York was sacrificed as a war zone in order to SUPPOSEDLY kill the monster. But in The Cloverfield Paradox (which DOES take place after the events of Cloverfield), the monster shown as an adult was confirmed to be the original Cloverfield.
Angel: But since it has not yet been shown what the adult Clover can do, the form does not belong here. Aside from that, though, Clover's got a few major weaknesses. His only combat experience is with the military, and not another Kaiju. Kind of like Shin Godzilla.
Tabashi: Cloverfield also isn't that intelligent (given that he's just a 351-foot tall baby), although what he lacks in smarts he makes up for in tenacity.
Angel: Also, towards the end of his movie, when we thought this destructive monster was dead, he pounces on a group of civilians, looked right at the main character's camera, and literally BIT HIM IN HALF!
Tabashi: Cloverfield is definitely one of the most viciously tenacious Kaiju to have made his way into the world, and I wouldn't dare try to cross his path.
