Description[]
The Simpsons vs Pokémon. These two are one of the weakest in their world, but who would win in a fight to the finish?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Every game, movie and TV show has to have someone that just...misses the mark.
Boomstick: This can be because of age, inexperience or just being crap.
Wiz: Like Maggie Simpson, the youngest and baby of the Simpson family.
Boomstick: And Magikarp, that stupid Pokémon that absolutely nobody likes!
Wiz: Just to be clear, this isn't Maggie Simpson vs Magikarp/Gyarados, so Magikarp will NOT be allowed to evolve.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Maggie Simpson[]
Wiz: Homer Simpson loves all his children and has a somewhat strong bond with them. However, he has a 1-year old daughter that he sometimes forgets existed.
Boomstick: Margaret 'Maggie' Simpson was born at a time when the Simpson's were financially stable, but bing-bang-boom, Homer has to go back to a job he hates to support his new daughter.
Wiz: While most of all she does is suck on her pacifier, crawl around and go to the store with her mother, she has done a lot for an infant.
Boomstick: For a baby she is a dangerous person for you to see in a dark alley. She owns a mallet which she can hit with enough force to knock down Homer, a guy who can take 21 punches from Drederick Tatum without being knocked down.
Wiz: She's smart enough to lead a heist for her pacifier at a daycare and almost track down Marge Simpson after she left for vacation, fast enough to shoot at a gang of mobster's hands before they have enough time to shoot, smart enough to drive a car and skilled enough to turn her head 180 degrees...I-I have no words.
Boomstick: Yeah, that's pretty creepy. She's also smart enough to know how to use stuff like shotguns and pistols. Man, I would LOVE a child like that.
Wiz: Um...Not gonna dignify that with a response. She's proficient in fencing, able to belittle her sister and slash an 'M' into her shirt, Zorro style. She's also skilled with an air rifle and normal shotgun.
Boomstick: She even saved her nemesis, Baby Gerald from floating into space from many different balloons and probably even the greatest act of heroism ever, she shot Mr. Burns after he blocked out the sun.
Wiz: Which he survived, strangely. Especially considering that the slightest breeze can kill him.
Boomstick: She was even able to save her father from drowning! Yeah! She lifted a 239 lb man and swam back to the shore, AGAINST a current, just to save her father who barely knows she exists.
Wiz: She even survived a beer explosion along with her father and brother. While it is debatable that she was even in the house at the time, but it's never seen or implied that she's left the house and Marge was in the house shortly before, so...
Boomstick: Anyway, this looks like a nuclear bomb! All from beer, that would be a good day.
Wiz: Remember what we said before about Maggie knocking Homer out with a mallet? Well, in a season 8 episode, The Homer They Fall, Homer goes against Drederick Tatum in a boxing match. Tatum is a direct parody of Mike Tyson, who has a punch force of 1,800 psi. Tatum punched Homer in the face 21 times.
Boomstick: Tatum unloaded a total force of 87,800 psi during the fight and didn't knock Homer over. Maggie must of hit him with a force over that to knock him over with one hit.
Wiz: Maggie is also very acrobatic. She was once able to somehow climb on top of the shower and refused to come down, she was able to wriggle out of her father's grasp and even protect a butterfly from baby Gerald's wrath.
Boomstick: She's can even bowl a perfect game, a full 300, at the age of ONE. Hey! I bowled a perfect game too!
Wiz: What? First of all, you were drunk. Secondly, you scored a 3, then two 0's.
Boomstick: Exactly!
Wiz: (Sigh) Maggie is a very powerful character, but she has some devastating weaknesses. She's a baby and isn't the fastest. She constantly trips over her onesie and can't speak a word. She's easily impressionable, turning violent after watching Itchy and Scratchy, and even though she's strong and durable, she's not as strong or durable as other characters in the show.
Boomstick; Just try not to block out the sun.
(Homer Simpson: You know, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.
Homer closes the door.
Maggie Simpson: Daddy.)
Magikarp[]
Wiz: Throughout the land in Pokémon, one name is almost guaranteed to evoke mockery, ridicule and laughter. The Magikarp.
Boomstick: Well, let's not go too far ahead of ourselves. The Magikarp deserves to be mocked. It's terrible!
Wiz: Well, yes. The weakest Pokémon is the Magikarp, but to be honest, weak in Pokémon doesn't mean 'useless'. It has a few moves that can do some damage.
Boomstick: The first and most iconic move the Magikarp has it Splash. It does absolutely nothing except for bouncing the Magikarp up a little, this allows flying Pokémon to take Magikarp away and eat it.
Wiz: Magikarp also has Tackle. This is exactly what is sounds like. Magikarp slams it's body into you to deal minor to moderate damage. The Magikarp also has the move Flail, with Flail, Magikarp repeatedly whacks you with it's tail, doing more damage the lower on health it is.
Boomstick: And these are basically all there is...It's time for a Death Battle!
Wiz: Uh...
Boomstick: Oh, Wiz. I'm kidding. See, this is where the Magikarp gets real serious. With Bounce, the Magikarp bounces into the air before falling back down and smacking them from above, this can even paralyse foes for a bit. What?
Wiz: Arguably the strongest move Magikarp has, Hydro Pump is a high-pressure jet of water that does high damage. This is the most powerful Water move in Pokémon, but it has a high chance to miss opponents.
Boomstick: And once, the Magikarp once used Dragon Rage, this move shoots a projectile that always does a set amount of damage, regardless of type, resistance or weaknesses.
Wiz: But where would a Water Pokémon be without help from trusty H20? Magikarp can use Swift Swim, where he's speed increases dramatically if their in rain or water and Gulp heals Magikarp if he's in water.
Boomstick: But if he's in a corner or just scared, Magikarp can somewhat deal with this. If Magikarp is in a corner, he can use Struggle. This is really only used in desperation and even damages him a little. Wow, Magikarp. Pulled out the big guns kinda early, didn't ya?
Wiz: And if Magikarp is scared, he can use Rattled. This increases Magikarp's speed, and speaking of emotion, if Magikarp is angry, he can use Rage. Rage increases Magikarp's attack every time he's attacked.
Boomstick: But aside from that, what else can Magikarp do? I mean, it's not like they can jump over mountains or...
(Magikarp jumps over a mountain)
Boomstick: Holy Jesus!
Wiz: What's more impressive is that they survived the fall. They've even survived the explosion of a Galactic Bomb that shook the entirety of Sinnoh, but it's unknown how far away from the explosion they were.
Boomstick: But you can't be 'The Weakest Pokémon' without having some downsides. Magikarp's are weak as all hell, unable to push against even the slightest currents. Some well-trained Pokémon can break frozen trees, but this Pokémon ain't trained.
Wiz: Also, Magikarp has terrible mobility on land. While they can swim fairly quickly, they can merely flop around and struggle to move, and the Magikarp has the sixth-lowest move pool in Pokémon. Sixth! Especially since there's over 600 Pokémon, this isn't great.
Boomstick: But evolve the thing into a Gyarados and watch out!
(A Magikarp uses Splash)
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle[]
Marge Simpson: See, wasn't this trip fun? We got to see loads of Pokémon!
The Simpson family have just gone onto a trip to the Kanto region and are now walking along a river, licking ice creams. Marge spots a few Pokémon jumping out the water.
Marge Simpson: Oooh, kids! Look at the Magikarp!
A Magikarp splashes onto shore and starts to flop around. Marge gasps and runs up to the Pokémon to help it, but the Magikarp uses Splash to try and get away. Maggie, who's being held by Marge, accidently drops her ice cream because she was splashed with water. Maggie starts to cry.
Marge Simpson: C'mon Maggie, let's get another one.
Maggie looks over at the Magikarp and shakes her fist at it. The Magikarp flops around a bit more. When Marge and Maggie return, the Magikarp thinks that Marge will attack it and uses Hydro Pump. The attack hits Marge square in the face and causes her to drop Maggie on the floor, spilling her ice cream once more.
Maggie sees red. The Magikarp looks at her and flops about. Maggie points to the Magikarp and draws a finger over her neck. She looks furious. The Magikarp looks confused.
Maggie runs toward the Magikarp, but trips over her onesie. On instinct, Magikarp uses Flail. He bounces forward and repeatedly smacks Maggie with his tail, before bouncing in the air and landing on her. Maggie's knocked back by the attack, but she runs to her pram and pulls out a mallet. Magikarp tries to Tackle her, but Maggie sends him flying with the mallet, he lands right next to the water. Maggie crawls forward and slams downward three times with the mallet. Magikarp uses Splash and Maggie braces herself for the attack, but nothing happens. Magikarp uses Flail again, which pushes Maggie backwards.
Maggie looks at the area where Magikarp was lying, but there's no Pokémon there. Maggie looks up in time to see Magikarp land on her, stunning and paralysing her. Magikarp flops backward and uses Hydro Pump, unfortunately for Magikarp, the attack misses. Maggie edges back to the pram and ties a rope around her back, she then pulls out two things, her air rifle and shotgun and ties the rope to the shotgun.
Homer Simpson: Maggie! Where'd you get that?
Maggie Simpson simply rolls her eyes. She aims the air rifle at Magikarp and fires, but Magikarp uses Splash and accidently dodges the attack. Maggie slowly walks forward, shooting many air pellets at Magikarp, but Magikarp uses Bounce. Maggie aims upward and fires, knocking Magikarp out of the air, he lands behind Maggie. Magikarp then uses Tackle. The attack lands and they both fall into the river.
Homer & Marge Simpson: Maggie! NO!
A current starts to drag both Maggie and Magikarp away, Maggie struggles against it, but it's no use. While keeping herself afloat, Maggie tries to fire a few more shots at Magikarp. Two of them land, sending Magikarp further downstream. Maggie swims WITH the current to catch up Homer and Marge running along the riverside with her.
Magikarp uses Swift Swim and increases his speed, able to slightly struggle against the stream. Maggie catches up to Magikarp and knocks him backwards with a shot from the air rifle.
Marge Simpson: Homer! There's a waterfall!
Homer Simpson: My baby!!!
Maggie swim around through a bend and sees the waterfall. She tries to swim toward the shore, but Magikarp uses Tackle, knocking her away. Maggie is knocked underwater and accidently drops the air rifle with the attack. She tries to swim upwards, but Magikarp tackles her once more, knocking the air out of her.
Homer Simpson: NO!!!!
Maggie's air bubbles stop. The deed is done. Magikarp emerges from the water. Suddenly, a shotgun shell rips through Magikarp's tail, ripping it off. At a nearby rock, a wet, but thankfully breathing Maggie holds a shotgun.
Homer Simpson: Oh, thank God!
Magikarp is discombobulated from the attack and flops about while the water turns red. She fires two more shots, one misses and another one takes off one of Magikarp's yellow fins. Magikarp starts to float toward the waterfall but tries to use Splash to propel himself out of the water, but nothing helps. Magikarp is nearly over the edge of the waterfall, swimming isn't going to help now.
With one last ditch attempt, Magikarp uses Bounce. He flies higher than anyone's ever seen, it must be over the height of a mountain! Maggie readies her final bullet from the shotgun and steadies herself. As Magikarp starts to land, Maggie shoots her shotgun one last time. The bullet thunders through the air and hits Magikarp's body with a dull THUNK!, before emerging from the other side of Magikarp.
Magikarp lands in the water, lifeless. His body is slowly carried over the waterfall and into the abyss. Maggie swims onto shore and is hugged and squeezed by her family all the way back to the car.
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Now that was awesome! Who would've thought those two could fight like that?
Wiz: While having slightly more versatility and durability, Magikarp simply didn't have the strength, intelligence or speed to take Maggie down.
Boomstick: Magikarp in general haven't proved themselves to be the sharpest tool in the shed while Maggie has shown to be VERY smart. She was able to learn communication signals, gathered supplies and made a plan all to get her pacifier back.
Wiz: and without trainer instruction, Magikarp just didn't know what to do. Surviving the explosion that shook the whole of Sinnoh is impressive, it's just like Maggie's explosion feat in that it's impossible to determine how far away from the explosion they were, or even if all Magikarp can survive something like that.
Boomstick: Also, Maggie could knock down her father - who went toe-to-toe with Drederick Tatum for one round without being knocked over - in one hit. Magikarp can barely swim against small currents.
Wiz: Actually, Magikarp could've won if he had the speed advantage, but Maggie trumped THAT as well. Magikarp can only flop around on land, meaning that Maggie had the advantage pretty early on, but even in water, Maggie was faster. She was able to fight against a current that was able to drag her father out into the ocean.
Boomstick: But she was wearing floaties, so...
Wiz: Right. But the fact that she was able to resist the current in the first place already elevates her across Magikarp.
Boomstick: She also has an advantage with her guns. Hydro Pump is great and all, but against a shotgun?
Wiz: Overall, while Magikarp's superior durability made this a close bout, Maggie Simpson had the speed and strength to put Magikarp in his place.
Boomstick: Magikarp got an eye-full of Maggie!
Wiz: That was probably the worst one you've ever done.
Boomstick: Shut up, Wiz!
Wiz: The winner is Maggie Simpson.
