Lust vs. Lady Dimitrescu is a What-If Death Battle created by Mrsalt05. This fan-made Death Battle features Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist vs. Lady Dimitrescu from Resident Evil.
Description[]
Resilient protagonists' first foes, users of bladed fingernails, twisted arcane creations, and captivators of many a degenerate's fancy, these eldritch femme fatales go toe-to-toe in a DEATH BATTLE!
Introduction[]
Wiz: The first boss usually doesn't make too much of an impression, but these two hardly fit that mold.
Boomstick: Lust, the Ultimate Spear from Fullmetal Alchemist.
Wiz: And Lady Dimitrescu, the beloved tall vampire lady from Resident Evil.
Boomstick: Yep, these two ladies are really unforgettable. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
LUST Nails Death Battle![]
Wiz: In the world of Fullmetal Alchemist, alchemy - the ability to bend nature to one's will - is a fact of life. Alchemists can shape stone, wood, and metal with the same ease that they shape flesh.
Boomstick: *In an overly serious voice* If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given. This is the Law of Equivalent Exchange, the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law, there is a taboo among all alchemists. Human transmutation is strictly forbidden - for what could equal the value of a human soul? Pffft, that's an easy one. A thousand human souls!
Wiz: First try!
Boomstick: Nice.
Wiz: Yes, it's true: human transmutation is impossible. Any attempt to bring a person back from the dead will result in a bizarre monster. But back on that "a thousand souls" idea...
Boomstick: The Philosopher's Stone is an artifact said to be able to perform human transmutation, and it's coveted among alchemists. What they don't know is that they're basically a human soul smoothie blended up in a nice little package. And not only can it bring people back, it's also great at making weird, freaky new ones!
Wiz: These are Homunculi. And this... is Boomstick's favorite.
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BACKGROUND:
-Name: Lust
-Age: ~250 years
-Known as "the Lascivious" and "The Ultimate Spear"
-Allies: Gluttony, Envy, Father
-Not especially lustful
-English VA married to VA of the guy who killed her
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Wiz: Little is known about the origin of the Homunculi - the process of their creation is a strict secret. In fact, alchemists are forbidden from researching it by the government of Amestris.
Boomstick: What, are they worried they'll find out the government is run by Homunculi?
Wiz: Pretty much, yeah.
Boomstick: No way! Fuhrer King Bradley is way too nice.
*A clip plays of Bradley skewering various characters*
Boomstick: Hmmm. Maybe his title should have been a giveaway.
Wiz: As a homunculus, Lust is bound to serve Father, leader of the Homunculi. It's for him that she sows the seed of conflict among humans - wars, carnage and death leave a lot of human souls ready to be made into Philosopher's Stones. Along with her "partners", Envy and Gluttony, Lust instigated a religious conflict and came close to causing the deaths of many State Alchemists, and that's just when we see her.
Popup: Lust's long life prior to the series means she has likely caused events far beyond the scope of the show. She is the second-oldest Homunculus, behind only Pride.
Boomstick: During her operations, Lust ran into a couple of troublemakers looking for a Philosopher's Stone - the Elric brothers. It's here she proved that her fighting skills match her... manipulation skills.
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POWERS:
-Super strength
-Super speed
-Bladed fingernails
-Regeneration
-Immunity to poisons and infections
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Boomstick: When it comes to fighting, Lust can tear it up with her giant sword fingernails, which are the reason she's called the "Ultimate Spear". These talons are probably made out of diamond or at least a diamond-like structure, since Greed, "the Ultimate Shield", can form a shield over his skin made of the same stuff.
Wiz: This would put their hardness way above the level of a sword made out of solid steel.
Boomstick: She puts my hardness at the same level.
Wiz: I'm choosing not to acknowledge that.
Boomstick: Lust once cut clean through the armor of Alphonse Elric, who survived a blast we once calculated to be worth 31 kilotons of TNT!
Wiz: Bradley also once reckoned that she could cut through Greed's armor from earlier. While we don't know the exact upper limits of his armor, we do know that it survived blunt-force strikes from Pride, a far stronger homunculus, and Father himself.
Boomstick: But as a homunculus, her greatest strength is that she'll keep coming back for more.
*A clip plays of Lust regenerating around Roy Mustang's hand*
Boomstick: As long as Lust's still got any souls left banging around in her Philosopher's Stone, you've gotta deal each one of them a fatal blow before she bites it. It's not an extra-life type of deal, she has to take some time to regenerate fully, but she can have up to hundreds or thousands of souls in there. What a woman.
Wiz: What a monster.
Boomstick: Only a super-hot bath courtesy of the Flame Alchemist Roy Mustang could take her out for good, and she went out promising agony to him with her last breath, which came true in a variety of increasingly creative ways.
Wiz: As long as your soul dwells within your body, you aren't safe from Lust the Ultimate Spear.
Lust: "Bloodshed gives way to more bloodshed. Hatred breeds more hatred. Until all of the violence soaks into the land, carving rivers of blood."
LADY DIMITRESCU Sucks the Life Out of Death Battle![]
Wiz: In a remote Romanian village during World War I, a girl named Alcina was born to the noble House Dimitrescu. She suffered from a hereditary disease called porphyria, paling her skin and giving her chronic anemia - lack of oxygenated blood. During the 50s, she moved to her family's ancestral home to find a scientist - or maybe a cult leader - named Miranda had taken over the village, and claimed to have a cure for her porphyria.
Boomstick: She... definitely didn't.
Wiz: Miranda implanted Dimitrescu with a Cadou, a normal parasitic organism exposed to biohazardous Mold. This changed her body in unnatural ways, turning her into...
Boomstick: A 9'6" vampire lady! Hell yeah!
Dimitrescu: So we finally meet.
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BACKGROUND:
-Name: Lady Alcina Dimitrescu
-Age: At least 107
-Profession: Vintner
-Based on Gothic literature tropes
-Drove the internet insane for several months
-Lipstick custom-made and very expensive
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Wiz: This reaction... it's unnatural! Salivation, a blank expression... Boomstick, have you been poisoned?
Boomstick: Whah... huh? Oh, no... I'm fine...
Wiz: Dimitrescu reacted positively to the parasite, like the other three Lords of the village in which she held court. Among the four, however, she may have had the least stable mutation overall. While two others had gross physical disfigurement, Alcina's porphyria was actually exacerbated. She now needed a fresh supply of human blood to survive.
Boomstick: And so she started her new business: winemaking! Operating out of Castle Dimitrescu, she stocked the vineyards with the finest grapes, and her cupboards with the finest blood of young women who wandered in. Making booze and performing violence - sounds like my kind of job!
Wiz: The wine was called Sanguis Virginis - literally Latin for "maiden's blood." On the nose, much?
Boomstick: During her time in her castle, Dimitrescu took to the noble's life, and started seeing herself as a superior being, subservient to only her queen, Miranda. So when an uppity peasant named Ethan Winters wandered into her castle to take a treasure Miranda had ordered her to guard, she was less than happy. And turns out, those mutations were good for more than killing defenseless young girls.
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POWERS:
-Super strength
-Super speed
-Bladed fingernails
-Regeneration
-Cadou insects
-Dragon form
_________________________________
Wiz: From her mutation, Dimitrescu gained terrifying physical prowess. She can smash right through the floors of her own castle, and once, she severed a man's hand with just a flick of her swordlike claws.
Boomstick: Poor Ethan. Which time is this? Let me count 'em up...
*He starts counting on his fingers, but makes a face and puts his hands back in his pockets.*
Boomstick: I don't really feel like looking at my hands right now.
Wiz: Given the force it takes to sever a hand, Dimitrescu must have exerted at least 200 pounds of force with her finger alone. This slice was also delivered faster than Ethan could see it, which would put her speed (in combat, at least) at 17,500 meters per second. That's Mach 51!
Another tactic that she has consists of the swarms of insects that follow her around. These "bugs" are actually made out of the Mold, and they can copy and reproduce any living organisms that they consume. The copies are totally loyal to Dimitrescu, but since they're made out of bugs, a strong wind can disperse them.
Boomstick: But as Resident Evil bosses are infamous for, she can take the punishment just as well as she can give it. Heh.
Wiz: Dimitrescu's shrugged off shots from an F2 sniper rifle, which can output almost 8 tons of force at muzzle velocity. Although it loses speed as it flies, Dimitrescu still should've experienced more than 7 of those tons, but she doesn't even show signs of damage!
Boomstick: That parasite gave her huge healing capabilities, so it could be she's just regenerating the entire goddamn wound while she's reeling back. But when that crazy bastard Ethan Winters got ahold of a dagger that could cancel out her healing, she decided it was time to dragon up!
Dimitrescu: You're a lucky man, Ethan. Besides Miranda, you're the only one to ever see me in this form. Too bad you'll pay for it... with your life!
Wiz: This is Alcina's dragon form, which it seems she can access at will. A horrifying amalgamation of teeth, claws, and wings that no natural processes provide for -
Boomstick: Shut it, Wiz! This is Resident Evil science! No natural processes provide for you being a giant nerd.
This form increases her strength and durability by a huge factor. She can fly straight through the para... parapp... towers at the top of her castle without even slowing down, and gains a lot more Mold biomass to make those bugs.
Wiz: Although Dimitrescu was ultimately defeated by the indomitable Ethan Winters, even with this form, she went out promising him despair... again?
Boomstick: And one thing's for sure. Anyone who was on the internet during early 2021 definitely won't forget her.
*A parade of Dimitrescu lewds crosses the screen accompanied by "Entrance of the Gladiators"*
Both: *panic*
Battle[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
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The scene opens on night in a hallway of Castle Dimitrescu. Moonlight streams through picture windows. Lust stands over the corpse of Bela, her fingernails extended.
Lust: A soulless construct? What an interesting discovery.
A doorway bursts open, and a man runs out, his face concealed by shadows. Dimitrescu ducks through the door after him, but when she looks around, she sees what Lust has done to Bela.
Dimitrescu: MY DAUGHTER!
Her eyes narrow.
"What kind of creature are you? I'll feast on your blood!"
She lunges towards Lust, claws extended. Lust dodges a swipe, and Dimitrescu makes an attempt to stab her.
Lust deftly parries with a flick of her talons, and jabs them through Dimitrescu's defense into her chest.
"Die, fool."
Dimitrescu laughs. "Not that easily."
She shoves Lust away as the wound knits itself together and a swarm of Mold flies buzz around her. "Consume this pretender!" she commands, and points with an extended claw.
The swarm flies toward Lust, and though she tries to swipe them away they alight on her body and begin to try to infect her with Mold.
"As you have taken one daughter away from me, you shall give me a new one!" Dimitrescu pronounces. The swarm lifts to reveal a ragged skeleton, and a curious glowing stone. "Hmm?"
The Philosopher's Stone scintillates as flesh creeps over the picked bones, until Lust is fully reformed. The last part to heal is the patch of skin over the stone. She tosses a lock of hair over her shoulder. "It was a good try."
Her fingernails shoot out a great distance, slashing at Dimitrescu. The vampire extends her own nails and parries the cuts, but the omnidirectional offense is too much for her to fully defend against. A cut rends her face, and another her hand. She is unbalanced by the offense, and rushes forward screaming in an attempt to strike Lust directly. The homunculus retracts her fingernails, and a twisted swordfight begins. The two combatants clash against each other with their claws.
After a resounding parry, Lust raises her claws. Dimitrescu shields herself with her own, but Lust's nails cut through them. A look of shock crosses Dimitrescu's face before her head is cleaved deeply by Lust's weapons. The homunculus retracts them with a spray of blood and a sadistic grin.
Slowly, Dimitrescu's hands rise to her head, pressing the wounded sections back together. As her body pulses, a swarm of insects coalesces around her, slowly growing larger until the swarm lifts to reveal her repulsive dragon form.
"THIS ENDS NOW!" she roars. The dragon pounces forward, its mouthparts tearing apart Lust's body. As the fallen scraps of flesh dissolve to ash, Lust regenerates and dodges backward, slicing at the dragon's forelimbs with extended claws. Its reach is too great for her to overcome, however, and it stomps on her arm, pinning her to the ground. As its mandibles reach for her, Dimitrescu taunts her opponent: "You'll relinquish your life's blood to me, one way or another!"
As Lust screams from the pain of being chewed apart, the camera pans out of the castle's hallway into a wide shot of Castle Dimitrescu, and in a time-lapse, the moon passes overhead. As Lust's screams fade out, we pan back into the castle to see Dimitrescu transforming back from her dragon form. She spits the Philosopher's Stone, the only remnant of the homunculus, onto the ground, where it crumbles to ashes. As she walks away, she utters, "Only suffering awaits those who insult House Dimitrescu."
KO![]
Boomstick: Man, that was ruthless. I was kidding when I called the Philosopher's Stone a smoothie, you know!
Wiz: Now, this fight wasn't totally one-sided. In fact, Lust held a lot of key advantages. Given that we knew she was somewhere around the level of that explosion that damaged Al, she had a pretty solid advantage in attack power, and her 250 years of lifetime participating in conflicts put her solidly above Alcina's 60 years of killing innocent young women in her castle. Plus, her claws, being made of a carbon allotrope, were much higher in durability than Dimitrescu's, which gave her a leg up in clashes, and they could extend to reach Dimitrescu from a distance when she tried her ranged options like the bugs.
Popup: Given that the explosion blew Al's armor apart while Lust merely pierced it, she was most likely below its full output. Scaling Lust to either of the Elric brothers' speed levels is also tenuous, because the only hit she scored on either was a blocking hit on Al.
Boomstick: However, the vampire lady held out when it mattered. While Lust was only able to fully regenerate from pistol fire without spending souls, Dimitrescu could take fire from a sniper rifle and regenerate almost instantly. But where her regeneration really held an advantage over Lust was that it wasn't based on a finite resource like Lust's well of souls. What's more, her speed let her get hits in on Lust. While we haven't got any reliable speed feats for Lust, let's say for the sake of argument that she's almost as fast as Edward Elric, since she nearly misses him a couple of times.
Popup: While Dimitrescu can't regenerate in her dragon form in the game, that's only because she got stabbed with the Dagger of Death's Flowers, which blocked her regeneration, in a scripted event immediately beforehand. Lust has no access to poisons of the kind that might impair Dimitrescu's regeneration.
Wiz: Ed's highest feat of speed is nearly dodging a bullet here. We've calculated this to be movement at about Mach 3. Compared to Dimitrescu's Mach 50 finger-slice, Lust, at least in combat, is moving at least 17 times slower. Dimitrescu was probably slower than usual in her dragon form, but her larger size and increased reach would certainly compensate.
Boomstick: Plus, for what it's worth, Dimitrescu is definitely - *Wiz gives him a withering glare* - I-I'll reserve judgement.
Wiz: While Lust surpassed her opponent in terms of attack power and combat experience, the vampire lady had her beat with her greater durability, sturdier regeneration, and superior speed.
Boomstick: Lust really bit off more than she could chew.
Wiz: The winner is Alcina Dimitrescu.