| Lord English vs Bill Cipher | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 1 |
| Season Episode | 1 |
| Air date | 6/11/19 |
| Written by | Sleuth |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous N/A |
Next Vriska Serket vs Porky Minch |
Description[]
Battle of the Demons! Lord English vs Bill Cipher is a What-If? Death Battle featuring Lord English from the Homestuck Webcomic and Bill Cipher from the TV show Gravity Falls
Intro[]
Wiz: Reality... a home for everyone, and governs everything in existence.
Boomstick: However, there are beings that can give the middle finger to reality
Wiz: And two of the creatures are Demons
Boomstick: Such as Lord English, the Indestructable Paradox Demon from Homestuck
Wiz: And Bill Cipher, the Ambitious Dream Demon from Gravity Falls. It is our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills to see who would win... A DEATH BATTLE!
Lord English is already here in DEATH BATTLE![]
(Cue: English)
Wiz: Caliborn, an ambitious cherub, wanted to clear a dead session, become the Lord of Time, and obtain godhood. And after a lot of work, he managed to do so.
Boomstick: Like, what did he do?
Wiz: Well for starters, Caliborn managed to unlock the Land of Colours and Mayhem, and become the Lord of Time, and become one with the forces of inevitability, making all outcomes, canon or non-canon, and all causality serve under him.
Boomstick: Not to mention this guy has an awesome AK-47 that can morph into a pimp cane. It started black, turned gold, and then when Lord English arrived, it was a seizure giving and author killing AK-47 that can morph into a badass cane that the top resembled the Green Sun... Wait, Green Sun? Author killing? Wiz, can you explain all this?
Wiz: After the Author of MS Paint Adventures Andrew Hussie dressed up like Calliope, Lord English killed him due to the fact that Calliope was a threat to his existence. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
Boomstick: Back to Caliborn, this little motherf*cker managed to hack the plot of MS Paint Adventures and posses the "Gift of Gab" and renamed Homestuck to "Homosuck"
Wiz: In Homosuck, Caliborn turned each character into a crude protrayal of their real counterpart.
Boomstick: Then the main character, John Egbert, that he had enough of his shit and cleared up the stardust glitches. He was ready to body Caliborn, but a big leprechaun punched him out of the way
Wiz: It was not until GAME OVER that they would ecounter eachother again, but this time, Caliborn obtained his God-Tier.
Boomstick: As a Lord of Time, this kid was superior to every other God-Tier. He was the top dog.
Wiz: Well, Doomed Calliope is stronger, but we'll cover her later.
Boomstick: Despite his God-Tier status, Caliborn still got bodied by John.
Wiz: After John preformed a retcon, we would not see Caliborn until his "Masterpiece"
Boomstick: Here, he beated the living shit outta the Alpha Kids and stored away the Beta Kids.
Wiz: It was not until Arquiusprite jumped him and Dirk ripping out his soul to be defeated.
Boomstick: But then, Him, Arquiusprite, and half of this clown named Gamzee of fused into a puppet.
Wiz: This puppet was named "Lil' Cal", but his lore is an entire different story. Let's just say, he's been with us for the entire story of Homestuck, which gave the MS Paint Adventures reader a mental breakdown
Boomstick: This puppet became Mr. Fancypants.
Wiz: Or better known as Doc Scratch. He was an Omniscient being and an "Excellent Host". He manipulated all the kids and warned him about Lord English
Boomstick: Finally! We are talking about LE now!
Wiz: Doc Scratch warned Rose Lolande about how English ensured his existence across all timelines, and is a massive threat to Paradox Space. Rose tried to destroy the Green Sun, but then was killed by a fully prototyped Jack Noir, despite the fact that Doc Scratched warned her about this.
Boomstick: The Green Sun is MASSIVE. It is the size of two Genesis Frogs, which each contain an infinite amount of parallel universes... so this thing was twice the size of infinity?
Wiz: That's an understatement; It was the size of Eternity
Boomstick: Hot damn!
Wiz: After Doc Scratch died and served his purpose of an Excellent Host, Lord English emerged out of him, and released the vast honk, as Gamzee's religion fortold.
Boomstick: Lord English was wicked! He slaughters Dark Gods and doomed God-Tiers on a daily basis, and was destroying Dream Bubbles left and right
Wiz: Calliope told Roxy that the entire plot of Homestuck would never have existed without Lord English's influence
Boomstick: Lord English was a very skilled tactition, destroying everything that gets in his way. Including how he killed the Author, Andrew Hussie.
Wiz: Lord English has a tactic called "Double Death", which not only kills the victim, but erases them from existence, and ignoring their immortality.
Boomstick: He can also turn his Cairo Overcoat into a time traveling sacaphrogus, because apparently the overcoat resembles the space-time continuum
Wiz: Lord English is the leader of the felt, a group of time benders. He has an entire religion based on him, and several pawns such as the Condesce, the Handmaid, Lord Jack, and many others.
Boomstick: Lord English's most signature ability is being "already here".
Wiz: Due to the fact that English ensured his existence across all timelines and exist in all of them, it is impossible to outrun him.
Boomstick: And this guy can't be harmed except by "Time Glitches". Does this guy have any weakness?
Wiz: Yes. Destroying the Green Sun deprives his power, and he will throw a fit about it. However, this is only when the Green Sun is destroyed, which is a very hard task, if not a suicide mission
Boomstick: Question: If English gets a power loss because of a star's collapse, does that mean he's star level
Wiz: ...Moving on
Lord English: YOU. YOU THERE. GIRL. GIRL, QUIT ALL THIS SCURRYING AROUND. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BEFORE I ARRIVE? HOW DO EXPECT TO OUTRUN ME WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE?
Bill Cipher deals his way into DEATH BATTLE![]
(Cue: Bill Cipher theme)
Wiz: The Second Dimension...
Boomstick: Really? We are making Lord English fight a 2D guy?
Wiz: Boomstick can you stop downplaying everything for 5 seconds? Anyways, Bill Cipher was an inhabitant of this dimension. But after trillions of years, he got sick of it, and so he wanted to ascend to a higher dimension
Boomstick: He killed his family, friends, in order to accomplish this.
Wiz: After doing so, Bill didn't go to the 3rd Dimension, but to the 4th Dimension.
Boomstick: Oh come on! How come he gets to ascend an extra-dimension?
Wiz: Bill Cipher then became a famous criminal throughout the multiverse. Destroying universe, tormenting people's minds, and driving anyone in his path insane
Boomstick: Holy hell! I don't like the look of this guy already
Wiz: Bill Cipher was deemed a threat to the multiverse and every inhabitant in their. He created the nightmare realm, a realm that defies all laws of physics, and thus is fated to destroy itself
Boomstick: To make things worse, all the infinite universes in the multiverse are contained in it, so when it dies, so does the fabric of existence
Wiz: But before Bill Cipher can accomplish his goal of multiverse destruction, he dwelled in the dreamscape, hence earning the title "Dream Demon"
Boomstick: How did he get out?
Wiz: Bill Cipher needed a rift to let him in the world. Once he possessed Blendin Blandon and opened the rift, he created a physical form even though he was lacking one.
Boomstick: So what abilities does this dorito have'''''?
Wiz: A lot.
Boomstick: He can do a lot of weird shit?
Wiz: Yes, weird indeed. He can shuffle every hole in your face, create bubbles of pure madness, trap them in his pocket dimension, and many more
Boomstick: Wait, he can turn people into anime? Sweet!
Wiz: In fact, some of these powers comes from Reddit
Boomstick: Wait, Reddit? Forget the anime, how does he do this?
Wiz: Bill Cipher, according to himself and assuming what he said is true, can change the laws of physics, exist in a state of quantum uncertainty, and is completely transcendant of time.
Boomstick: This guy is powerful, can he die?
Wiz: Yes. With outside help, a zodiac can be formed to seal him back into his realm. He can also trap him into a mind, and then be erased in it. Even then, Bill Cipher can come back with an invocation to revive... but that requires outside help.
Bill Cipher: THIS PARTY NEVER STOPS. TIME IS DEAD AND MEANING HAS NO MEANING. EXISTENCE IS UPSIDE DOWN AND I REIGN SUPREME! WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO WEIRDMAGGEDON!
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
(Cue: Negastrife)
Bill Cipher was wandering throughout the multiverse, seeking to wreak havoc. He then ecounters a dead corpse.
Bill Cipher: HUH? WHAT'S THIS? IS THE BLOODSHED ALREADY OVER BEFORE I GOT HERE? NO FAIR!
The corpse started to glow.
Bill Cipher: NOW THAT'S ODD
The corpse grows and becomes green, and then out of it, came Lord English. He then opens his mouth, and a bolt of energy came at Bill, but luckily, Bill dodged
Lord English: HONK!
Bill Cipher: WHOA! TALK ABOUT PASSIVE AGRESSIVE!
Lord English: YOU POSE A THREAT TO MY VERY EXISTENCE. KNEEL, OR DIE!
Bill Cipher: OH! I KNOW THE ANSWER! HOW ABOUT NEITHER!
Bill Cipher turned red, and Lord English readied his AK-47.
FIGHT!
Fight![]
Bill Cipher pointed his finger at Lord English, and a weird wave of energy came out of it
Bill Cipher: EAT NIGHTMARES!
Lord English laughed, as the ray did nothing to him
Lord English: AHAHAHAHA! NIGHTMARES RUN THROUGH THE FLOW OF MY BLOOD, YOUR PITIFUL BAD DREAMS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
Lord English opened his mouth, and a bolt of Double Death came out of this. Bill took this bolt, transmutated it, and turned into a balloon animal
Lord English: ?
Bill Cipher: Here, for you kid!
Bill Cipher threw the balloon at Lord English, and it exploded in his face
Bill Cipher: AHAHAHAH!
Lord English: ARGH!!!! ENOUGH WITH THE TOMFOOLERY! TIME TO DIE!
Lord English used his AK-47, and proceeded to shoot at Bill with it
BRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKABRAKAbrakabraka... braka... braka...
To Lord English's surprise, Bill Cipher was unaffected by this. In fact, he summoned a cosmic bar of soap, and started to bathe in it as if it was a shower
Lord English: WHAT THE HELL?
Bill Cipher: HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE WATER! I HAVEN'T HAD A SHOWER LIKE THIS FOR TRILLIONS OF YEARS!
Lord English: LOOK CHILD! I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO! THE SOONER YOU DIE, THE QUICKER IT IS!
Bill Cipher: CHILD? I LIVED FOR TRILLIONS OF YEARS! WHO ARE CALLING KID?
Lord English: I PREDATED TIME. TRILLIONS OF YEARS IS INFINITELY NOTHING TO THAT.
Bill Cipher: EH, AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. YOU ARE NOTHING.
Bill Cipher pointed his finger at Lord English, and fired a laser. Lord English, in reaction, fired a bolt of double death back at him. The two lasers collided, and a massive explosion took place
BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...
...
...
There was a massive amount of smoke. Bill Cipher couldn't see anything, but we was warping the smoke away. However, Lord English attacked Bill out of nowhere and punched Bill. Bill went flying, and got hit by Lord English again, went flying and got hit by English again, etc. etc.
Bill Cipher: WHAT THE- HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.
Lord English: I AM ALREADY THERE TO DESTROY YOU. YOU WILL HAVE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH, LIKE HOW YOU DESERVED.
Bill then duplicated himself, and started to overwhelm Lord English with them. An army of Bills set up, however, English was not worried about this. He effortlessly plowed through the Bill army (Should look something like this), and was about to kill the last Bill. Lord English was going to punch Bill, but Bill disassembled himself, and then reassembled behind Lord English, firing a laser in his head, then entiring it.
Bill Cipher: HOW DOES THIS GUY WORK... TIME TO MAKE HIS MIND ROT!
Bill Cipher was starting to see things. He was reliving his nightmares. Each nightmare, one by one, haunting Bill, and making him weaker.
Bill Cipher: H-HOW? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE.
"LISTEN TO ME, CIPHER!" Lord English boomed in his head. "MY MIND IS NOT YOUR ROAMING TERRITORY FOR YOUR SCHEMES, LESS YOU WANT TO DIE."
Bill Cipher: N-NO!!!!!!!!!!
A massive amount of strange purple blood started to drown Bill, but Bill tried to turn the blood into stone. Howevever, there was too much of this said blood, and Bill drowned in it.
Bill couldn't speak to return to life.
K.O![]
Lord English regenerated the hole in his head, and went to his sacaphrogus, going to time travel.
Verdict[]
Boomstick: Woah! I was starting to get disappointed about the lack of bloodshed until the end, which Bill literally drowned in blood!
Wiz: Bill was a tough opponent. He was deceptive and cunning, and could give Lord English a little bit of trouble. However, English was able to beat Bill in nearly every category.
Boomstick: For one, English is smarter. Not only Doc Scratch, an omniscient being, was part of him, but he is stated to be a psychotic killer.
Wiz: Lord English is also faster... sorta. Bill may transcend time, but Lord English exist all across it. Immeasurable speed vs Omnipresence, it may not be a speed blitz, but there is a speed difference.
Boomstick: 'Lord English also has no problem killing Bill, considering how there is nothing stopping the fact that Double Death would decimate Bill
Wiz: How Double Death works is not only it kills you, it erases you from existence, hence which is why it's called double death, because it technically inflicts something that's twice as worse as death... but... ugh, whatever. You see, Bill Cipher can create a physical form out of his spiritual form...
Boomstick: ...But that's all irrevelant when you are going to get erased from existence.
Wiz: I mean, Bill Cipher can regenerate from being erased with help from the AXOLOTL, but there are too problems. Boomstick, I'll leave the first and obvious reason to you.
Boomstick: Uhhhh, Using the AXOLOTL is outside help. Simple as that.
Wiz: And even IF we allowed him to have help from the AXOLOTL, that wouldn't save him double death.
Boomstick: Not only double death erases you from existence, but it gives Immortality the middle finger. It's shown to completely ignore the God-Tiers "Heroic" or "Just" resurrection.
Wiz: Considering how God-Tiers are stated to be able to resurrect from being erased... Yeah, Bill isn't surviving Double Death.
Boomstick: Not to mention, Bill isn't going to be able to put the Lord of Time down.
Wiz: Not only English can cherry pick the timelines where he is succesful, but he is still stated to be alive after the entire furthest ring collapsed on him.
Boomstick: Yeah, the Furthest Ring is a realm of non-existence, and if you can regenerate from there, 'then you are not dying anytime soon.
Wiz: In the end, English was faster, smarter, harder to kill, and can easily win.
Boomstick: English had not a lot of trouble "De-Cipher-ing" this battle
Wiz: the winner is Lord English
Stats[]
Winner: Lord English
+Smarter
+Faster
+Can easily win, and couldn't lose to Bill
-Less Versitile
Loser: Bill Cipher
+More Versitile
-Dumber
-Slower
-Can't Kill English and will easily die to double death
Next Time[]
One insane gunner says "FOUR!" in glee
Another says "Four? Are you serious?"
Guido Mista vs Khada Jhin
Trivia[]
-Both speak in all caps.
| PARADOXICAL GRAVITY | |
|---|---|
| Season | Off-Season |
| Season Episode | N/A |
| Air date | TBA |
| Written by | Duragoji123 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous N/A |
Next N/A |
Description[]
Gravity Falls VS Homestuck! Demon meets demon in this no-holes-barred, reality-breaking fight to the death!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Bill Cipher, the dream demon who you'll meet again some sunny day from Gravity Falls.
Boomstick: Lord English, the Lord of Time and the realized form of Caliborn's dream from Homestuck.
Wiz: As the saying goes, absolute power corrupts absolutely. For these two, that is no different. While they may have once been someone who just wanted to be noticed, they have stirred in the dark for so long that they are no longer the same person they once were.
Boomstick: But I'd say this upgrade was worth all the pain and suffering! I sure do love me a good ol' reality warper god duel! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a DEATH BATTLE!