Description[]
Witches were always portrayed as ugly hags. Green faces, warts, crackly voices. But in the 21st Century, they take a new, younger form. Take these to young witches for example. Lana from Hyrule Warriors, And Ashley from The Wario Ware franchise.
Intro[]
Robbie: Witches.
Scarce: Back in the day they were known to be ugly and evil, but these days, some are portrayed as young or pretty.
Fi: Lana, 50% of the Guardian of time.
Robbie: And Ashley, the girl next door living in the haunted mansion. I'm Robbie Rotten!
Fi: I am Fi.
Scarce: Hey guys what's up guys, it's Scarce here. And it's our job to analyze their spell books, spells, and help to find out who would win A DEATH BATTLE.
Lana[]
Scarce: The Zelda universe is a very strange one.
Robbie: Like sword robots.
Fi: I do not understand what may be considered strange about that.
Scarce: And all of this is watched by the Guardian of Time, Cia.
Robbie: That sounds like the most boring job ever. All you do is sit and watch stuff and sit and do nothing and sit and watch stuff- Can I fill in for her?
Scarce: It isn't as good as you would think Robbie. She just sits there and isn't allowed to interfere.
Fi: Well she was observing souls enter and exit reality, a certain character caught her attention, my master.
Scarce: Well, sort of. Your master, Link, has had many versions of himself, and they weren't unimportant either. Every Link saves Hyrule so he's a really big deal, like a huge deal.
Robbie: And he tries to save the princesses of course. She always get's help from someone, well I would like some saving too when I get stuck!
Fi: The problem with master's job of saving The Princess, Zelda is that there are also as many Zeldas as Masters.
Scarce: You see, The Guardian of Time wanted something to cling onto well she stayed up looking at her ball for eternity. And she developed like, a little crush on this dude. So the fact that he kept saving someone else made her cry.
Robbie: So one day, the soul of a guy came over and then they had a talk. And so the soul used her. But light stuff happened and blah blah blah, and Lana was created! Why is that important?
Scarce: Um, well, not quite. The soul is the soul of the evil Gannon. He saw Cia's crush as an advantage. A way of manipulation. He struck a deal with Cia and took the light part of her out. Only leaving the other part to be corrupted by darkness.
Fi: The light part of her was transformed into Lana.
Scarce: Cia had the goal of taking over Hyrule and claiming Link for herself. Lana, the young sorceress, was leading a forest resistance in the woods.
Robbie: She doesn't look like a sorceress. Can she even do any magic? She doesn't have a hat to pull rabbits out of or an assistant to cut in half.
Fi: She may not have Rabbits or Saws, but she does indeed have a gate, a spellbook, and a spear.
Robbie: Sadly, most of her spells have easy peasy breakable glass as a weapon.
Scarce: Robbie Rotten, the glass may be "easily breakable" but It's insane how being breakable helps. Lana loves breaking the glass and it's very dangerous for anyone around.
Robbie: And she can shape glass? How do you shape glass?
FI: There are many ways to form glass. One of the most used ways is Glassblowing. It usually involves a blowpipe or torch. Glass-
Scarce: Um, Fi, I think he's talking about how Lana can shape the glass she summons into, well, shapes.
Fi: Understood. Lana is able to summon glass as well as shape the glass into other shapes to wipe out opponents. Such shapes include cubes she rides on and squares she throws.
Scarce: And of course she breaks the glass by casting lightning onto it, which she can also do, and just throwing them like any normal person would.
Robbie: Next we have the spear which can plant seed-shooting-plant people. Why did I sigh up for this job, it's so weird!?!
Scarce: You didn't, I just brought cake on my first day and you came to steal it and just stayed. Anyways, Lana's water type spear has a lot to do with plants, for some reason. With it, she can summon water that turns into ice, and trees, more importantly, The Great Deku Tree.
Robbie: But her grand highlight is The Summoning Gate.
Scarce: Her Summoning Gate allows her to put down a portal that can summon other enemies to defeat enemies. That's insane.
Robbie: Not as insane as being able to summon giant chickens!
Scarce: Well, they may not be as good as a giant chicken, but Lana can summon things like monsters that charge at foes and spit seeds, but the most powerful monster she can summon are Argorok. This dragon can be summoned and shoots fire. But it's greatest moment is when Lana rides on it and rains fire on anything below. It's can also be split into and transport Lana from one to the other.
Robbie: And summon a giant chicken!
Scarce: Yeah that's pretty cool too.
Robbie: But even with this cool stuff, she still has weaknesses.
Scarce: Her attacks can be interrupted by other attacks, canceling her attacks. And she is a little cocky.
Fi: She was able to lead a resistance to Cia's forces and was able to compete with Cia herself, and can defeat hoards of enemies. Making her a true warrior.
Scarce: A Hyrule Warrior!
Robbie: BOO, get off the stage!
(Lana is seen opening her summoning gate and one chicken pops out. Then another. Then a lot more. Lana runs away from them only to be attacked by chickens.)
Ashley[]
Robbie: Who's the girl next door?
Scarce: The one living in the haunted mansion?
Fi: According to my research, you are suggested to have knowledge of her name.
Christian: 'CAUSE IT'S AAAAAASHLEY!
Everyone: ...
Christian: I'll...just get back to writing.
Fi: As the child was saying, the one we are referring to is indeed the young witch in training, Ashley.
Robbie: Why is a girl like her in a haunted mansion with no parents!?! Spooky booky ghosts live there! Not little girls!
Scarce: Welp, she's in the house and hasn't died so.
Fi: Ashley is a child of magic.
Robbie: Ooooh. I love magic.
Scarce: Well, you'll love her, because according to random background singers, she has the "darkest spells" and "meanest poisons".
Robbie: Well then, we should be afraid of her.
Scarce: Is this entire section going to be quoting her song?
Robbie: Well, Maybe. Kinda. Sort of. Probably. Yes.
Scarce: Ashley can do magic with her hands. She's able to shoot lightning out of her hand. And with the blue orb, she can unleash a powerful spell. Her hair turns white and she casts a purple lightning circle onto anything in her way. That's not all she can do guys.
Robbie: Because we were nice and kind (Hate that) to Lana by giving her the summoning gate, it's only fair we give Ashley some outside help.
Fi: Ashley doesn't have many friends, she does have one, however. Red, the small devil.
Scarce: Red can turn and transform into anything around his size. This include's Ashley's flying broom that she enjoys riding around on, and her wand that she uses to cast all her other spells.
Robbie: "NAWA BUNA NUU" (Translation unknown) Is a spell that makes people laugh. No, it's not funny, it literally forces you to laugh. And Pantalones giganticus makes pants bigger...I don't know how that helps. And she can even make a bunch of stuff float in her sleep.
Scarce: She also has a spell that makes simple seeds turn into giant killer plants. She can cause clouds of purple that can do a lot of things, like put people to sleep or shrink them for a few seconds. And she can even turn people into spoons! That's fucking crazy.
Robbie: Ashley was able to fight her way out of a candy world. Can transport herself into books. Is able to rule the world after finishing her homework. And was even able to fly to the moon on her broom IN FOUR SECONDS!
Scarce: That way above your record, Robbie.
(I'd like to thank ClassicGamerGuys for the calculations you're about to see, and WarriorWare for making it a blog on VS Battles Wiki)
Fi: Ashley flew to the moon which, at it's closest, is 363104km away. 363104 / 4 which means she was going 90776 Kilometers per second.
Robbie: What?
Fi: She was going at Mach 264190.919674.
Robbie: Oh...What?
Fi: She was going at 0.3c.
Robbie: Oh...Say what?
Fi: She's relativistic, which is close to the speed of light.
Robbie: Oh...Wha-
Scarce: Even if she's that fast, she still has flaws. She doesn't have a lot of experience in combat, is only 15, She's anti-social and wishes for more friends, get's stage fright, and her spells only work %40 of the time. Which might be wrong seeing as she's only failed once that we know of which was because of the wind.
Robbie: And she can also...change size?
Scarce: As we can see, when she flew to the moon she was only a little smaller than it. This could be because the Mario moon is small, but it could be for another reason. An alien once bumped into her, this alien was about her height until she got angry. Then Ashley was taller than that alien. Oh, and when she's angry...nothing is safe. Nothing.
Robbie: We should be afraid of her.
| “ | Background Singers: Just remember this when you see her on the street!
Ashley: I'm the cruelest girl you'll even meet. |
„ |
| ~ Ashley |
Pre-fight[]
Fi: Alright, the combatants are set. Let'send this debate once and for all.
Scarce: It's time for a Death Battle.
Robbie: The old guy did it better.
Scarce: Shut up.
Poll[]
Fight[]
We open to a girl in red studying a book.
Ashley: Spider eyes, check. Dog tears, check. What else do I need....Blue hair.
She calls for Red and he comes in.
Ashley: Do we have any blue hair?
Red: Hmmmmmm...Nope. Not that I know of.
Ashley: Well great! We have no blue hair. Where could we find someone with blue hair? No one I know has blue hair.
(Shut up, I know there are Wario Ware characters with blue hair, just roll with it)
A book drops from a shelf. It's titled "Weird worlds of worldness." Ashley looks at it and smiles.
Ashley: Well, maybe not in our world.
A portal appears in a canyon in the middle of nowhere. Ashley and Red come out of that portal.
Ashley: Where are we?
Suddenly, Ashley notices a girl with blue hair walking by. It's Lana. Lana looks at Ashley.
Lana: Um. Hello?
Ashley gets Red to transform into a wand and fires a spell at Lana. The Beam misses and hits a rock. The rock transforms into a slipper. Rip random rock.
Ashley: That sorceress is what we need.
FIGHT!
Ashley casts another spell. Lana gets out of it's way as it turns another rock into a frying pan. The wand in Ashley's hand (Red) turns into a broom. Ashley hops on and flys into the sky. She rushes down and dashes from left to right hitting the sorceress many times.
Lana gets out her spell book and summons a block of glass. She sends it towards Ashley. Purple lightning comes out of the teenager's hand and breaks the glass. Lana summons three glass squares and a glass cube. A glowing green outlines each one as they fly toward Ashley. They all then stop and go towards Lana. Lana ducks, avoiding the glass squares.But the cube hits her. Lana gets up.
Lana: Maybe it's time I start fighting!
Lana takes out her spear. She uses her spear to raise a Deku Tree Sprout. The Sprout shoots seeds upwards at the broom. They hit Ashley and hurt her, as well as makes her fall off the broom.
Red(Broom): Ashley!!
The broom comes below Ashley before she can hit the ground. Ashley lands on the broom and is safe. Ashley's eye turn red and her hair turns white. The broom turns into a wand. Lana spawns 5 Sprouts and they all spit seeds. Purple lightning counters them and makes them explodes. Ashley raises her wand.
Ashley: OI DI EMU!
The spell is cast onto the sprout in the middle. The Deku Tree Sprout grows fast and it's speed of growing bumps all the other sprouts away. The sprout turns into a tree monster. Lana uses her summoning gate and summons Argorok. Argorok breathes fire onto the tree monster, burning it.
Lana: I hope the Great Deku Tree isn't offended by that.
Lana sees Ashley on broom shooting more purple lightning at her. A green glow outlines one of the tree's burning branches, it snaps off and is shot at Lana. Lana barely misses as Lana jumps out of the way. She jumps onto the dragon's back and it flies. Ashley flies away, not wanting to get flamed to death, but Argorok follows, shooting a huge line of fire. The fire misses Ashley as she flies off. Ashley is too fast for Argorok as 8 seconds go by and Agorok disappears.
Lana gets out a Deku Leaf and lands on the ground safely. Lana meets Ashley on the ground. Ashley's hair starts flashing white. She holds up Red, who is now a wand. Lana, with a mad expression on her face, equips her spellbook. Before she can do anything, Ashley's wand releases a purple cloud of smoke. The purple smoke effects Lana. She adopts a red glow and starts coughing. Ashley just looks soullessly at her. With her pain, the blue haired sorceress summons a glass cube and sends it at Ashley. It's too fast for Ashley and hits her. It sends her off the cliff of the canyon.
The cloud fades and Lana sits down. She gasps for air. It seems to fight is over. Lana has won.
Wrong.
There she is, Ashley herself, looking down on her broom. Red was able to save her. Ashley brings her head up and looks at Lana with an expression of pure rage. Her eyes flash a dark red and her hair turns white.
Ashley jumps off of her broom.
Ashley: How dare you!
Lana: I'm sor-
The witch wearing red is fed up with Lana. She releases her special spell.
A circle of purple rush toward Lana, knocking her of her feet and launching her across the canyon. She hits a rock and then gets up.
She looks up to she the young witch with her wand in hand. Ashley raises her wand and charges a spell. Blue lightning is sent from her wand and hits Lana.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
We cut back to Ashley's mansion. A bunch of random stuff is thrown into a pot.
Ashley: And now for the last ingredient.
Ashley grabs one of those bug containers. In the container is Lana. She's been shrunken to the size of a bug. Ashley holds the container upside down over the pot of a boiling red potion.
Ashley: Goodbye, you blue-haired witch.
The witch opens the container and Lana falls into the pot. Lana has died.
KO!
Aftermath[]
Robbie: Oh boy, were we right about being afraid of her.
Scarce: This was an insanely fucking close match. Lana completely took it in age and experience, not only that, but the 40% thing is a really big flaw for Ashley. But even if she couldn't get her in the first shot, one shot would probably be all she would need.
Robbie: Her magic could turn that other witch into anything she wants. Like her teacher.
Fi: And well Lana may be fast, Ashley has a certain amount of spells that could stun her, leaving Lana wide open. Not only that, but Ashley's feat of flying to the moon proves she's faster.
Scarce: And that really fast broom gets her out of Lana's reach. And as seen, Ashley's plant spell counter the spear, her lightning could undo the glass, and Lana's summonings don't last very long.
Robbie: Looks like we just spelled out why Lana is dead.
Scarce: The winner is Ashley & Red.
Comparison[]
Ashley:
+Speed
+Spells
+Flight
=Duriblity
=Power
-Age
-Experience
Lana:
+Age
+Experience
=Duriblity
=Power
-Speed
-Flight
-Spells