Ladybug and Chat Noir Vs. Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers is a What-If? episode of Death Battle, and the second episode of the first season of Vsguy's Death Battles. It features Ladybug and Chat Noir from the animated series Miraculous Ladybug and Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers from the Scott Pilgrim series of graphic novels.
| Chat Noir and Ladybug Vs. Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers | |
|---|---|
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| Season 1, Episode 2 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | ??? |
| Written by | Vsguy |
| Directed by | Vsguy |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Sora Vs Ruby Rose | King Bradley vs Captain America |
Description[]
Is love the yearning for closeness to another person? The shared connection of passion and purpose that is given to you by the affection of your mate? No, of course not, it's beating the ever-loving shit out of people you both don't like!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Navigating a relationship is hard at the best of times, it certainly doesn’t help when you and your significant other are being forced to constantly fight a revolving doors worth of villains.
Boomstick: But can you really know true love unless you and your partner beat up all your enemies together?
Wiz: You definitely can, see 99% of actual human relationships!
Boomstick: I didn’t think so! Just look at Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers, subspace star-crossed lovers!
Wiz: And Ladybug and Chat Noir, the protectors of Paris.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Chat Noir and Ladybug[]
Wiz: Growing up in Paris, fashion-designer hopeful Marinette Dupain-Cheng seemed cursed with eternal bad luck. That was until she met Tikki, a divine spirit “Kwami” that bestowed her with a miraculous, a magical piece of clothing that allows the wearer to take on a superhero identity. Using this, she became the superheroine Ladybug, swearing to protect Paris from any peril that would befall it.
Boomstick: As Ladybug, Marinette receives substantial physical buffs. She’s strong enough to hogtie golems of pure stone as well as building sized mechs and a fucking T-Rex. She’s fast as well, being able to dodge around lasers, weave through specially shot arrows and move fast enough to push someone of the way of a lightning bolt.
Wiz: She’s even durable enough to casually shrug off hits from The Mime, a villain who was capable of slicing through the Eiffel tower.
Boomstick: Her main ability however comes in the form of her super-powered yo-yo. Despite looking like a bad kid’s toy, this thing has a massive amount of uses. She can use it as a grappling hook, a rope, a long-range projectile and even slice through solid objects if she swings it fast enough. Using this, she was able to slice through the wall of a bus as well as reflect a Buzzsaw.
Wiz: This yo-yo also holds her key-ability, that being her “lucky charm”. With this, she’s able to summon an object that’s related to her current objective. While this can sometimes be incredibly useful, it can be equally useless as well.
Boomstick: But does that really matter when she can MacGyver the ever-living fuck out of whatever she gets?
Wiz: That’s true. Marinette is exceedingly clever and able to utilize her lucky charm with effective ingenuity. Her aim is excellent, Marinette being able to successfully predict the flight paths of ricocheting objects in only a few seconds as well as successfully aim a ball so that it’s bouncing pattern destroyed every light in the room.
Boomstick: And because it’s a Saturday morning cartoon show, it’s not like Marinette ever really fumbles her lucky charms either.
Wiz: Exactly. It’s incredibly rare for her to not find a way to use the item in her favor. Thanks to the all-encompassing summons of the miraculous, this gives her massive, if haphazard versatility in battle.
Boomstick: Versatility that only increases when she gets Tikki high on crack-
Wiz: Correction, when she feeds Tikki specialized macaroons that enhance her livability.
Boomstick: Yeah sure. Those brownies I ate in College were just enhancing my livability too-
Wiz: She can transform into her aqua form to enhance her swimming and breath capabilities and her ice form to handle temperatures as low as absolute 0.
Boomstick: Also, she can ice skate, so…that’s cool.
Wiz: With the power of the miraculous though, comes an equal amount of weaknesses.
Boomstick: The Miraculous only carries so much charge before it runs out and she’s reverted back to her normal form, kinda like a kid’s toy. If she uses her lucky charm, she’s left with about five minutes before her powers are donezo.
Wiz: She also requires her voice to activate her powers. If she’s gagged or silenced, she won’t be able to successfully transform into her ladybug form.
Boomstick: Luckily, she’s not coming to this fight alone.
Wiz: Indeed. Adrien Agreste was born the heir to his father’s massive fashion empire, a fate that cursed him to a life isolated within the walls of the family’s mansion. It was only after Adrien’s mother went missing that he was allowed to attend school. This was also around the same time he met Plagg, the Kwami of the Black Cat Miraculous. Using this, Adrien was able to team up with Ladybug as the superhero Chat Noir.
Boomstick: Crazy that he and Marinette go to the same school and are both superheroes-
Wiz: Well, they don’t technically know the others identity-
Boomstick: What? But aren’t they superhero partners and stuff?
Wiz: Yes, but neither has been willing to give the other their identity.
Boomstick: Are they in the same class?
Wiz: Yep.
Boomstick: Do they know each other?
Wiz: Yes, very well.
Boomstick: How the hell do they not realize then?! It’s, like, a ten-centimeter stretch of plastic!
Wiz: We should move on-
Boomstick: This show is fucking stupid! Superpowers and magical spirits I can take, but this? This is just insulting my intelligence.
Wiz: Let’s be honest, there’s not much there to insult in the first place.
Boomstick: Shut up nerd!
Wiz: Anyway. When equipping the cat miraculous, Adrien gains increased physical attributes. Of course, there’s the usual strength, speed and durability buffs given by the miraculous. Chat is capable of dodging around lightning strikes and scaling the underside of the Eiffel Tower in only a few seconds. He’s strong enough tip over a bus with the use of a fulcrum and can keep a strong grip on a ledge even when he’s bound by a ball and chain. He casually tanks hits from enemies who were capable of easily shattering through walls and shrugged off hits from pigeons who had previously displayed enough force to heavily dent steel doors.
Boomstick: The cat stuff isn’t for show either. He has enhanced smell, stealth and sight, just like an actual kitty, as well as synthetic claws that can either be used for combat or for Spider-Manning up walls.
Wiz: Much like Ladybug with her yo-yo, Chat’s miraculous gives him a weapon, this being an extendable staff. Due to his civilian proficiency in fencing, Chat can use it incredibly skillfully. Its extension is repeatedly used to attack foes at a distance but if he ever finds himself needing to get up close, he can launch forward with a pole-vault. He can also circularly spin the staff around to utilize it like a shield and can even split it in two and use it as a boomerang-style projectile.
Boomstick: And if all else fails, he can utilize his miraculous ability: Cataclysm! Hehe…
Wiz: Cataclysm brings instant destruction onto anything it touches, destroying or disintegrating the target of Chat’s right hand.
Boomstick: With it, he’s proven capable of straight up one-shooting opponents and even used it to shatter the walls of a miniature dimension that he’d been trapped in.
Wiz: He seems to have decent control of it as well, shown when he managed to specifically target a section of the Eiffel tower so that the beams were separated. As with Ladybug, he can use specifically flavored snacks to transform into Aqua and Ice forms.
Boomstick: But also like Ladybug, his miraculous runs on a timer and if he uses his Cataclysm, he only has five minutes to finish the fight up before he’s depowered. He’s also allergic to feathers, so in any farm-based situations, he’s at a massive disadvantage.
Wiz: That’s weirdly specific, but I guess it’s true. Nevertheless, he and Ladybug have displayed exceptional teamwork and enough coordination that this is not really an issue. Plus, feeding the Kwami after de-transforming will usually recharge their power anyway.
Boomstick: Their teamwork is so good that they can even swap Miraculous’ and abilities, transforming into Mister Bug and Lady Noir…wait, shouldn’t he be called Manbug?
Wiz: Don’t think about it too much. Chat Noir and Ladybug are formidable enough on their own. Together, they are a seemingly unbeatable offensive tandem.
"Spots on!"
"Claws out!"
Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers[]
Boomstick: Not so long ago, in the mysterious land of Toronto, Canada, Scott Pilgrim was dating a high-schooler…
Wiz: Who he swiftly dumped in favor of a girl literally roller-skating through his head, but let’s rewind a bit. Scott Pilgrim lived a generally uneventful life of video games, indie music and messy break-ups from ages 0 to 23, until he met Ramona Flowers. He was instantly smitten and these feelings were reciprocated, at least initially…
Boomstick: See, dating Ramona came with one big condition. Scott would have to defeat her 7 Evil-Ex’s if he wanted to continue the relationship. Surprisingly, this guy was so thirsty that he decided the constant schedule of fights was worth it and if that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is! Reminds me of me and my wife…
Wiz: Aren’t you divorced?
Boomstick: Oh, contraire mon frère, I’ve actually been divorced three times!
Wiz: I don’t believe for a second that there was three women willing to date, let alone marry you.
Boomstick: It was just the one actually.
Wiz: So that means you got married to the same woman three-…whatever, we’ve got more important things to cover. As the best fighter on the Canadian provenance, Scott was more than well-equipped enough to handle the gauntlet of challengers.
Boomstick: Scott hits hard, being strong enough to juggle a man in the air for 64 seconds with his punches and cleave a robot’s head off with the power of his bass-guitar. He even sliced Roxie Richter completely in half and one-shot a depowered Todd Ingram. Man, if only every dude I beat up turned into coins.
Wiz: You’d still be poor.
Boomstick: That’s probably true.
Wiz: Anyway, where Scotts power really lies is his ability to take punishment. He was able to consistently take hits from Todd, who was capable of smashing a hole into the moon with his vegan powers and easily survived a fall where he was shoot so high into the sky that he was no longer visible from ground level. He was also tossed into a castle tower with enough force to destroy its exterior and didn’t even display hints of injury after he awoke.
Boomstick: The dudes practically indestructible but that doesn’t mean he can’t dish it out too. After confessing the love in his heart, Scott unlocks The Power of Love, a katana sharp enough to cut through humans like butter. Along with this, wielding it increases his will-power and battle intelligence.
Wiz: Ramona is also able to call on this sword, but that’s only the first in a long laundry list of items she has.
Boomstick: Ramona’s arsenal includes both a massive sledgehammer that’s extra affective against girls and a titanium baseball bat that hits blondes harder. Man, where does she keep those?
Wiz: Good question and actually one we can answer. Ramona has access to a pocket dimension called subspace, that threads through the fabric of space and time to create navigational pockets of energy. It can weave through doors, the human mind and most importantly for this battle, Ramona’s purse which she uses as both a frontend to subspace highways as well as a storage locker for her weapons. She’s adept at using her environment as a weapon, such as when she blocked the Knives kunai attacks by tearing apart a long metal pole with her bare hands.
Boomstick: However, by far the biggest ace up these two’s collective sleeve is Scott’s ultimate weapon, The Power of Understanding.
Wiz: This blade manifests when Scott reaches the peak of his emotional maturity. With this, Scott was able to easily over-power Gideon Graves and, with Ramona’s help, slice him up for good. This may sound powerful, but it also reflects one of Scotts major weakness. His swords function on the power of their emotions, and when those emotions start to become muted, he’s liable to lose his control on the swords. Gideon was capable of straight up stealing The Power of Love during their fight.
Boomstick: Scott can often times be lazy and stubborn, while Ramona can be emotional and unreasonable depending on the situation, so, while their love conquers all in the end, their dynamic can also be kinda’ unstable.
Wiz: But when you’ve got the arsenal and stats of Scott and Ramona, their dynamic is the last thing you need to be worrying about. When they’re on the same page, they are a well-oiled machine that you’d be wise to stay out of the path of. Both romantically and physically.
“Garlic Bread is my favorite food. I could honesty eat it for every meal. Or just all the time without stopping.”
“You’d get fat.”
“no.”
“You’d get totally fat.”
“I don’t think I’d get fat. Why would I get fat?”
“Bread makes you fat.”
“Bread makes you fat?!”
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate, once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATHBATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
“We are Kitty Section and we’re here to make you think about unicorns and get happy and stuff!”
Roses microphoned voice boomed out through the walls of the Rockit, electing a loud cheer from Marinette. Although, while she wanted to be happy for her friends finally getting their first proper rock gig, her mind had started to drift slightly as she breathed in the thick stench of alcohol, tobacco and some drugs she wanted to pretend she was too pure to recognize. It was very…adult here.
Marinette Dupain-Cheng
15 years old.
Rating: Awesome
She awkwardly shuffled around in the uncomfortable seat, careful not to knock over her glass of water (which was the only non-alcoholic drink they served here). As uncomfortable as she was, it was about to get a whole lot worse.
“Hey Marinette, can I sit here?”
An instant flush came to her face as Adrian walked over to here, all smiles as usual.
Adrien Agreste
15 years old.
Rating: Oblivious
“Yeah, totally, go right ahead!” Marinette stuttered, scooching her seat so quickly that her elbow collided with the drink of water and sent it spilling onto the floor.
The romantic blush that had been orbiting her cheeks turned to one of embarrassment.
“Oh my god, I’m such a clutz!” She squeaked, only for Adrien to immediately slide his own drink of water over to her.
“Hey, don’t worry about it, we can share.”
Her eyes widened.
“Share?” She only just managed to stutter out.
“Yeah, just stick to one side and it won’t spread germs.” He said back matter-o-factly, oblivious to the connotations that it brought.
“No one wants to buy your shitty French bread Scott, just drop it!”
A loud yelling voice managed to catch the two’s attention even over the sound of Kitty Section’s performance and the general chatter of the venue. Looking up to the venue’s balcony, they found four twenty-somethings going back and forth.
“Seriously, we’re not fucking paying for it dude!”
Wallace Wells
26 years old.
Rating: Pissed off (both anger-wise and drunk-wise)
“You do realize it makes you fat right?”
Ramona Flowers
25 years old.
Rating: Lukewarmed off (anger-wise, not drunk-wise)
“Yes, I know it makes you fat! I’m just in the mood for some nice, classy French bread.”
Scott Pilgrim
24 years old.
Rating: Bread-lusted, no prep time.
“This is so stupid.”
Kim Pine
22 years old.
Rating: Over it.
“Do you know how rare it is for this place to sell food?! It’s probably good quality too!” Scott yelled, throwing his hands up into the air dramatically.
“The only other things this place sells are beer and pot, so I don’t know how you’ve somehow managed to hold them to a Michelin star level of consistency.” Kim said.
“I’m just saying- “
“No, Scott you always do this. You say you like a nice bit of French bread but then you bite into it and start saying your teeth hurt because it’s too hard.” Wallace yelled
Ramona snorted.
“Actually.”
“No this is lies!” Scott tried to protest.
“Every single time too! I try to make him a sandwich as a good thoughtful friend and he’s all like “Waa my teeth hurt””
“Untrue and false.” He gawkily tried to object.
“Aw, does baby need to see the dentist because he ate some French bread?” Ramona jeered.
“Is the bread too hard for the baby?” Kim added.
“Stop it!” Scott yelled, negative emotions reaching a head.
Miles away, over many sea and city, these emotions were noticed. A large skylight began to unfurl over itself, bringing light into a large auditorium-like room. Blindingly-blue butterflies began to flicker and flap their wings, swarming over the area in a phenomenal glow of light. A man in a flashy purple suit stood proudly in the middle of the room. He grabbed one of the butterflies from the air, crushing it between his palms with dark energy pulsating through it. When his grip was released, the sparkling blue butterfly was now a dark shade of purple.
“Fly away my little Akuma, and evilaise Scott Pilgrim!” Hawk Moth yelled.
The butterfly did just that, fluttering forward at incredible speeds. It zoomed from France to Toronto in only a few seconds, weaving into the foyer of the rocket and heading straight towards Scott. Both Marinette and Adrien spotted it in the air, though were forced to keep their expressions blank in fear of the other one noticing?
An Akuma?! They both thought, watching as it darted towards the brim of Scott’s glass.
“I have to go pee.” The said simultaneously, not even stopping to realize the awkwardness before they both dashed to the location in question.
Meanwhile, the akuma nestled into the brim of Scott’s drink of water, imbuing it with a dark energy. He sipped it none the wiser. Hawk Moth smiled cockily, his grip of control seizing Scott’s mind completely, pulsating pink outline of the Akuma’s energy enclosing around his face!
Woah. Scott thought.
Had someone spiked his drink? No way, it was water, they wouldn’t have been able to do something like that. It was strange, it was like all time had stopped around him, leaving only him and the powerful of voice of another man in this reality.
Scott was akamutised…
“Nega-Scott, I am Hawk Moth and I am offering to give you powers beyond your wildest imagination. Everyone who’s ever told you that you weren’t good enough, that you didn’t fit in- “
This was…
This was…
This was…
“Boooring.” Scott grumbled.
“What?!” Hawk Moth cried; his influence somehow being completely negated.
But Scott’s already a dick so it didn’t work.
Without warning, the link between the two was severed and Scott snapped back to reality still angry at his missing French bread. Unfortunately, neither Marinette or Adrien had had the privilege of seeing this. Instead, they had both made their way into a pair of bathroom stalls which were separated by the walls of the men’s and women’s rooms.
“Tikki, spots on!” Marinette called, a burst of light running over her body.
The material of the ladybug suit crawled over her body, rays of light leaking through the small gaps of the stall. She heroically bust free from the stall, dashing out into the hallway of the bar and tracking down into the main hall. Meanwhile, Adrien was going through the same transformation.
“Plagg, claws out!” He cried, striking a dynamic pose as the Chat Noir costume fitted to his body.
He quickly exited the stall only to nearly run head first into a man who had just entered the bathroom.
“Woah, sorry!” He apologized.
“Hey, you’re that superhero guy, Chat Noir, right?” The man asked.
Michael Comeau
25 years old.
Rating: Inquisitive.
“Yeah, you know me?” Chat asked, the spotlight briefly distracting him.
Comeau shrugged, but also nodded his head.
“I guess, but you’re pretty D-list, so I can’t really- “
“Oh, alright!”
Chat was brought back down to earth and reacted accordingly, shoving Comeau out of the way. He soon caught up with Ladybug, the two of them dispersing into the packed concert hall.
“Hey bug-a-boo.” He smiled, slinking up by her side.
“Wow, it’s pretty convenient that you’re also here in Canada a isn’t it kitty?” She said back sarcastically.
“Well, you know what they say, following your heart takes you to the wildest places!”
In the meanwhile, murmurs began to arise from the members of the crowd, whispering and rumoring along to themselves as the two superheros strode by them.
“Holy shit is that Ladybug?”
“That’s Chat Noir.”
“Aren’t they French?”
“Great cosplay.”
“I totally ship them!”
The two paid it no mind as they centered themselves around the mosh pit. Marinette felt a bad for the fact that this was certainly going to disrupt Kitty Sections concert, but it couldn’t be helped. She pointed up to Scott, who’s unassuming face was subtly highlighted by the stage lights. He didn’t even notice any of the commotion that was occurring now that two costume teenagers had entered the main floor.
“That’s the guy.” She said.
“Yeah, I know, but…he’s not doing anything?” Chat said back to her with a confused look.
“Whatever, let’s just get this over with super quickly and undisruptive.” She said, briefly shooting a guilty look back at her friends on stage.
Then that concern turned to focus as her eyes centered on Scott at the exact moment he noticed her. She slung the yarn of the yo-yo between her fingers, getting a solid grip on it before-
“Hey, who the hell are- “
WHACK!
The base of the weapon came flying at Scotts face, smashing his nose hard enough to send him flying out of his seat. Every one sitting by him became silenced with the amount of confusion this action had brought forth. That was until Scott started reacting. He rolled onto his back, hands clutching his nose with more force than was really necessary considering how softly the yo-yo had actually hit him.
“What the fuck?! That dickwad just hit me in the face!”
“With a yo-yo too.” Wallace added, gently sipping his drink with little concern for Scotts current plight.
“Are you okay?” Ramona asked, rushing over to his side.
Scott wiped his nose (for purely dramatic effect, there was no actual blood) before looking at her with a look of pure resolve plastered on his face.
“I wanna kick some superhero ass.”
Ramona looked over at the two in question over the edge of the balcony before sighing. She quickly turned back to Scott.
“Let’s do it.” She said.
Scott grabbed her hand to help pull himself up, an action that was swiftly followed by the two leaping down from the balcony with Wallace cheering in the background.
“Alright! Get ‘em Scott, show them what for!”
“How did this night get even stupider?” Kim groaned, resting her hands on the top of her head.
Meanwhile, Scott and Ramona marched up to meet Ladybug and Chat Noir on the ground, the crowd quickly dispersing in a circle around them.
“We should probably get off the stage now.” Luka said to the rest of Kitty Section, who quickly followed his lead and darted to the back room.
“There’s two of them?” Chat asked, confused as to why the Akamutized man had somehow gained a partner.
“Hey, you two! Start waving your flag now.” Scott yelled, thrusting a finger out dramatically.
This finger soon became shaky as he realized nobody knew what he was saying. Ladybug’s eyebrow raised up from the confines of her domino mask, while Chat instinctively laughed as to try and alleviate any awkwardness. Scott turned to Ramona, hopeful that she would back him up but was quickly rebuked as she refused to even look at him.
“Because you’re French and stuff! Whatever, forget this!” He yelled, charging forward at the two superheroes.
Ladybug braced for his attack, prepared to deflect any blow Scott tried to throw at her…only to get completely passed by as he ran right past her.
“I don’t fight girls, sorry!” He yelled, focusing his attention on Chat instead.
The French boy retrieved his staff and slammed it forwards at Scott with extending length. However, Scott easily caught this and used his grip on it to pick Chat off the ground before slamming him back to the alcohol-stained floor. Before he could even recover, Scott slid into him with a sliding double kick which launched him up off the ground. A fist quickly slammed into Chat’s jaw, the sheer force of his blow juggling him up into the air. Wallace’s eyes lit up, clutching his glass with excitement.
“Oh, here it comes!”
BAM!
Another one of Scotts fists smashed into Chat’s face, again sending him further upward.
2 hit combo.
Another.
3 hit combo
Another.
4 hit combo.
Another.
5 hit combo.
Scotts arms began to blur, the velocity of his punches hard enough that he and Chat were probably as high up as the balcony at this point.
6 hit, 7 hit, 8 hit, 9 hit, 10 hit, 11 hit…
Suddenly, Scott felt his momentum completely stop as a thick rope of string tied up around his neck. It was Ladybugs yo-yo. Chat recovered quickly despite the barrage he’d just taken and used his newly acquired downward Momentum to kick into Scott’s chest while Ladybug pulled back with her yo-yo.
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Scott was slammed down with enough force to splinter the floorboards, moaning in pain as he went from high in the sky to literally underneath the ground in less than second. Ladybug smiled to herself, though this was quickly whipped from her face at the heavy smashing sound that came whizzing at her hid.
“Eeck!” She squeaked, only just managing to dodge out of the way Ramona’s hammer.
Ramona stayed hot on her trail, throwing the massive weapon around like it weighed nothing at all. She slammed it down on Marinette, who managed to neatly block it with the spinning of her returned yo-yo. The head of the sledge collided against it with enough force to shift Ramona off balance, which was swiftly followed up by Marinette hogtying her legs. She pulled back, tripping Ramona off balance and sending her stumbling before her fall was sealed with the tip of Chat’s staff.
WHACK!
The head of the staff extended into her face, and sent her down to the floor with a light bump.
“You guys have the stupidest weapons.” She groaned, rubbing her nose.
“Hey, mines not stupid!” Chat yelled, earning a stern glare from Ladybug.
“What and mine is?”
He shrugged.
BAM!
Before Ladybug could even argue, Scott leaped up from behind and sent her flying backwards with a punch so powerful, it sent an aura of energy bubbling up around him. She landed harshly against the wall, leaving small cracks in it.
“Got ya!” He victoriously screamed, completely contradicting his previous “I don’t hit girls’” statement.
Unfortunately, his attack had an undue side effect. Ramona had still been caught up in the tangle of Ladybug’s yo-yo and was dragged forwards along the ground as the other girl flew back. She used this to her advantage though, launching up from the ground with her momentum and harshly slamming her head into Ladybugs own. She quickly reached into her bag and tossed a baseball bat across the room to Scott, who caught it.
“Nice!” He exclaimed, looking back to Chat Noir.
Titanium Baseball Bat
+2 to blondes.
He leapt towards Cat, haphazardly swinging the bat around only for the athletic boy to immediately pogo over him with his extending staff. Scott attempted to swing backwards but his strike was quickly blocked the tip of Chat’s staff. He used it like a pool cue, poking Scott in the face with it hard enough to knock him onto his back. Scott recovered quickly however, sweeping with the bat and cracking it against Chat’s heel.
“Uh! That feels like it hurts exactly two times worse than normal!” Chat comically cried, hopping up and down with his foot in his hand.
In the meanwhile, Ramona’s hammer came inches away from turning Ladybugs head into a pancake, but it further damaged the wall instead. Ladybug slid around her side, attempting to kick her off the ground but she quickly jumped the attack like a skipping rope. The hammer swung forward and once again missed its target. It hit the floorboards with enough force to completely crater them and send loose wood chips scattering to the side. Ramona soon gave up on trying to hit Ladybug clean though, realizing the other girl was just too fast for her to catch with the weighty hammer. Instead, she threw the thing upwards, the weapon landing behind Ladybug.
“Huh?” Ladybug exclaimed, confused.
That confusion faded quickly as Ramona dropkicked her into the hammers base. She tripped over the stationary item and by the time she scampered back to her feet, Ramona had picked it up again and smashed her in the stomach with it. While this did send her flying into a stack of chairs, it did significantly less than you’d thing considering a human being had just been slammed with a massive sledgehammer.
Ladybugs yo-yo quickly came shooting forwards at Ramona, but she was more than prepared. She immediately gripped her subspace bag and held it up in an attempt to try and try and sever the head of the yo-yo within its grasp. However, this didn’t happen. Instead, the yo-yo’s unbreakable string began to almost magnetically repel the lips of the bag away from it, rays of force blowing it outward and sending Ramona soaring backward. Ladybug kipped up onto her feet with a cheery smile, turning to Chat and Scott.
The French boy kicked at Scott’s midsection, though he was capable enough to avoid it. As Chat went low for the sweep kick, he was quickly blasted by a lightning-quick shoryuken that knocked him into a backflip. Scott set up for a large swing, as if he were the main hitter of a star baseball team before yet again, the yo-yo shot out and wrapped around his weapon. Ladybug yanked back, pulling it out of Scott’s grasp. While he was still stunned by this development, Chat recovered and blasted him with a flying spin kick.
“Ah!” He yelled, scooting along the floor from the force of the kick.
“Time to swap?” Chat asked, landing on his feet.
“Time to swap.” Ladybug nodded, the two passing by each other.
“But I don’t want to hit girls!” Scott moaned, suddenly becoming very self-conscious.
“That didn’t stop you before.” Kim pointed out from the balcony.
“That was just crowd control!” He yelled back, tone switching to defensive.
If only his stance had switched to defensive as well. By the time he’d gotten back onto his feet, Ladybug had already launched over to him with a kick. Her attack flattened him out against the wall, and soon the ground as well as she hit him with a sharp hook kick. In response to this energized assault, Scott rolled onto his back and held his hands up over his face.
“Oh my god.” Kim groaned.
“For fucks sake Scott!” Wallace concurred, amazed by how Scott had gone from completely fired up to utterly deflated in an instant.
“…Are you okay?” Ladybug asked, temporarily taking a break from kicking his ass to show concern.
Silence weighed heavy over the room before he spoke back.
“No.” Was all he said.
A tidal wave of self-consciousness washed over Ladybug, as she watched Scott writhe on the floor like a literal child. She didn’t think she’d kicked him that hard.
Meanwhile, Chat threw two quick kicks upward, blocking each of Ramona’s hammer attacks. He soon spun out and kicked her in the chest, which pushed her back somewhat before he slashed at her cheek. His claws sliced through flesh, leaving a small line of blood streaking down her cheek.
“See, kitties got claws and everything.” He jeered.
Then the hammer connected flush with his face.
“Does he have nine-lives too?” Ramona shot back, preparing to slam his grounded form yet again.
“Closer to eight after that.” He groaned back.
Before she could fully capitalize on her next attack, he kicked back against the side of the hammer, pushing its weight over Ramona’s head. Its mass held up high was too much for even her too handle and she soon fell down to the floor with the hammer landing just beside her head. Grunting to herself, she looked over to see Scott crawled up into a ball, while Ladybug awkwardly kicked at the ground, hoping that this was a ploy and he’d get up and start fighting soon.
“I’m sorry.” She said, apologetic.
“It’s okay.” He said back, still not unfurling from his ball.
Another long awkward silence resumed. She’d been a superhero for a while now and Ladybug had zero idea how to handle a situation like this. Had he just…given up?
Then she heard a shout come from over her shoulder.
“Scott…” Ramona yelled.
His hands turned into slits, showing parts of his eyes so he could actually see his girlfriend.
She smiled a genuine grin.
“You’ve got this.”
It took a little bit for him to properly react to what she was saying, but he soon stood up with renewed confidence. Ladybug snapped back onto her guard, only to flinch as she noticed a bright light radiating from Scott’s chest. He reached into the light, bringing forth a glowing Sword with a love-heart handle. It shimmered elegantly even in the poor lighting of the venue.
Scott unlocked the Power of Love.
Ladybug was just shocked that he’d pulled a fucking sword out of his chest.
Scott braced, preparing to shot forward. However, there was one thing he had to do before this, one last bit of redemption he to atone for.
“It seems this Ladybug has Lady-dug her own grave!” He goofily exclaimed.
“Okay, that sucks.” Ladybug replied.
Her scorn may have been a distraction however, as Scott blitzed forwards with his sword at the ready. A sharp slice moved faster than Ladybug could even react to, its blade cutting through the material of her hip and leaving a trail of blood on both her skin and the edge of the sword. She growled in pain, quickly turning around with her spun yo-yo to block Scotts next attack.
Clang!
The blade connected with the string, sparks flying from the collision. Despite his previous bumbling demeanor, Scott was surprisingly skilled with the sword and it caught Ladybug off-guard. She was trailing behind his speedy slashes and only just being able to deflect them in time. Imagine their shared surprise when a stunned hush came over the scattered crowd. It was one indictive of a finishing blow, but they’d only been in the “feeling out” process of their battle. This hush was not directed at them though. It was directed at the stage.
The microphone fizzled with then tinge of sonic that had renewed its frequency. Three people now stood on the stage, two boys and one eight-year-old Chinese girl.
“Hello, you may know us as Crash and The Boys or The Boys and Crash, but we currently go by the name Crash colon boys.” Luke Wilson announced into the microphone.
“Fuck this.” Kim growled, straight up departing from her balcony seat.
“Get off the stage, there’s a superhero fight going on!” Wallace yelled; alcohol heavy on his breath.
“This next song is called: We use our sound powers to distort gravity!”
“Wait, what?”
FWOOSH!
An aura of twisting color radiated from the stage. Notes of song flowed harmonically through the air but what was also floating through the air was literally every member of the audience. It looked like something straight up out of an alien invasion movie, the supreme overlords of the galaxy coming down and beginning to suction the puny humans up to the star in order to fuel their intergalactic conquest. The only thing that stood in the way of this was the all-powerful roof.
Ramona groaned, the weight of the hammer proving too much for her now that the gravity in the room was completely fucked. She looked up and saw Chat vaulting between the floating chairs with obvious intent to reach her. With a harsh swing of her arms, she chucked it forward at him in an attempt to slow his ascent. Instead, Chat simply bounced it out of the way by extending his staff into its path and responded by grabbing one of the chairs he’d leapt from, throwing it at her. Ramona easily caught it, only for the underside of the chair to be forcibly smashed into her as Chat plunged toward her feet-first. This sent the two slamming into a wall with the legs of the chair pinning Ramona in place. She ate a few head shots from Chat’s staff before managing to get a solid grip on the seat and smash it to the underside of her.
Chat plummeted with shards of wood falling onto his costume. However, he quickly managed to stabilize himself on a levitating table and quickly re-extended his staff outward. Ramona tried to run away, but this proved significantly hard to do when the laws of gravity were on break, and Chat’s staff quickly over Sher like a wind-screen wiper to a bug. Meanwhile, Ladybug and Scott trailed down the side of the adjacent wall, the power of love unable to pierce through the circle of string.
“Where the hell did you buy this thing anyway?!” Scott yelled, as his sword slashed against the yo-yo sphere to middling effect.
“It’s a long story!” Ladybug shouted back over the sound of the band’s music.
She quickly utilized her loose gravity to climb the wall above Scott and hit him with a perfectly executed hook kick. This was clearly an attempt to try and push him to the ground, but unfortunately, the gravity was so dense around them that Scott just went lightly floating sideways. He soon realized this as well, turning over to her like he was taking a quick dip into a swimming poll.
“Haha! Eat that loser!”
“Our set is now done!” Luke’s voice rung out from the stage.
Scott was suddenly concerned.
“Wait, what?”
The thick pulsating gravity fell out from under him, slamming him to the floor while Ladybug simply slid down the side. The head of her yo-yo shot out and slammed against his face, sending his body rolling over the floor beside Ramona.
“Okay, let’s finish this.” Ladybug motioned to Chat.
She whipped her yo-yo up high in the air, sending a wave of ladybugs buzzing from it’s radiating energy.
“Aaah, their swarming!” Scott screamed from the floor.
“Lucky charm!”
A large baguette fell from the vortex and Ladybug caught it with a questioning glance.
“How am I supposed to use this?” She muttered to herself.
“Hey, look up.” Chat replied.
She did as instructed, turning her gaze forward to see Scott eying the baguette like a man possessed. He looked hungry. Very hungry.
“Scott, come on.” Ramona grumbled.
Now the plan became very simple.
She tied the yo-yo’s string around the baguette like you would a well-tied fishing rod before throwing it out just inches away from Scott’s reach. The Canadian native reached forward like a dog, hunger for the bread overruling any sense he may have had left. He animalistically lurched over, crawling forward even when the bread began to be pulled back.
“Scott.” Ramona growled.
She received no response.
“Scott.”
Again, nothing.
“Scott William Pilgrim!”
That got something out of him. Scott turned to her, although one of his eyes stayed fixated on the bread.
“Do you really want this?” She asked.
He thought for a moment.
Then he stood up.
“I don’t like French bread.”
+2 to honesty.
Ladybugs eyes widened as Scott’s chest began to glow again.
“It’s always stale- “
+3 to guts.
“It’s doesn’t go well with every condiment- “
+2 to relish.
“And it’s disgustingly hard! I like nice, soft bread instead!”
+0.25 to Wonder breads income.
Ladybug, who vividly recalled the hours her family had spent slaving away at their ovens making said bread, reacted less than pleased. She shot out a dramatically poised finger, anger sizzling in here eyes.
“You take that back! French Bread is the best!”
Scott hunched over, moving his hands to the sparkles of his chest.
“French bread sucks shit! Plus, it makes you fat!”
Ladybugs head whipped around to face Chat.
“Bread makes you fat?!”
FWOOSH!
Golden sparkles surrounded Scott in an aura like shape as he withdrew a massive buster sword from his chest.
Scott unlocked the Power of Understanding!
He looked back to Ramona with a slight smile.
“How was that?”
“Profane. You’re a true philosopher of our times.” She laughed.
He gripped onto the Power of Love and passed it back to her. Ramona caught it, flowing into a battle stance with a sharp smile on her face.
Ramona unlocked the Power of Love!
The pair rushed forward with haste. Chat jumped up to meet them, blocking their initial slashes by extending his staff horizontally and quickly pursuing Scott. He tried to grab at the sword and disarm his foe only for Ramonas blade to come flying at his face! She’d thrown it like a spear, intent to skewer his head completely. Luckily, Chat was able to catch it between his hands but this left him completely open. Ramona dashed along the ground, picking up the previously discarded baseball bat and quickly smashing Chat in the head with it. She and Scott swiveled to face Ladybug. They braced their blades and shoot forward with blistering speed the other girl couldn’t even hope to block.
X-Slash!
The two landed in the same shape as the letter, easily chopping through the French superheroine.
Except they didn’t. In the middle of their attack route, stood Ladybug, the only slash having been inflicted to the baguette which she’d used as a shield.
“How hard is that bread?!” Scott shouted, soon learning the answer when Ladybug javelined it into his head.
Ramona quickly braced, only for Chat’s staff to come shooting out into her stomach. This wasn’t just an attack but a grip as well. Chat lifted her using the tip of his staff, hoisting her up high in the air thanks to its extension before throwing her down to earth. She landed in a pile of chairs, which scattered around like dominoes. This seemed to just about knock her out. In revenge, Scott leapt at Ladybug, who easily dodged out of the way of his sword slice.
“Cataclysm!” Chat shouted as he jumped past her.
Bolts of energetic black energy zapped off his fingers before pulsating through the blade as he gripped onto the Power of Understanding. However, despite the metal rotting and rusting under his touch, it did not completely break.
“What the hell?” He exclaimed.
Scott leveraged the sword up further, leveraging his grip on it despite the fact that it was threatening to combust under itself any minute now.
“I am understanding so hard right now!” He screamed back, before using his strength to throw Chat backwards.
His foe spilled backwards, taking chunks but not even close to all of Scotts blade with him. Scott prepare to go on the offensive, only for the aura of a sharp presence to arise behind him. He looked back only to find Ladybug holding Ramona’s sword.
Ladybug stole the power of love! What a dick!
“Hey!” She yelled at the disembodied voice before fully focusing on Scott.
“This is gonna be some Ninja Gaiden 3 shit.” He murmured, crouching down.
Ladybug took a similar position.
Two sets of feet dashed across the ground. Their blades lightly sizzled again the wood. Both pairs of eyes were focused, ready for the kill. They leapt up in the air, simultaneously aiming the swords towards each other before.
SLASH!
They both landed.
Then a slash formed on Scott’s chest. It wasn’t all that deep, but it was enough to send him slumping to the ground unconscious as trickles of blood stained the length of his t-shirt.
“This…sucks.”
KO!
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: France wins again! Suck it Canada!
Wiz: While Scott did have enough durability to keep the fight going for far longer than it should have, Chat and Ladybug had him and Ramona completely outclassed when it came to every other stat.
Boomstick: In a proper death battle situation, Chat’s cataclysm was essentially an instant win. Both he and Ladybug had significantly more versatility in their arsenals.
Wiz: While Ladybug and Chat consistently dispose of villains outside Scott and Ramona’s pay grade on the daily, Scott didn’t even properly beat a majority of the evil-exes. He beat Pattel through a dance number, defeated Lucas Lee by tricking him into skateboarding down a cliff, had enough outside assistance against Todd that the battle was essentially a 6-v-1 and was getting the shit kicked out of him by Gideon. If you look at it, he really only beat Roxie and The Katayanagis by himself.
Boomstick: And it ain’t like Ramona’s record was too hot either. She stalemated Roxie and was even struggling against Knives.
Wiz: While book 5 did make it pretty conclusive that Ramona was solidly above Knives, it still doesn’t change the fact that either Chat or Ladybug would’ve proven more than capable of fighting the others on their own. The only things Scott and Ramona really had going for them was durability and piercing damage, but Chat and Ladybug were so fast, would it really be realistic for them to land a hit?
Boomstick: It looks like Scott and Ramona took that Miracu-loss in this one!
Wiz: The Winners are Ladybug and Chat Noir.
Next Time On Death Battle[]
Fight for your country or discard it into the hands of darkness. Which ones do you chose?
King Bradley Vs. Captain America is next.
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