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Season One, Episode Eleven
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Air date Unknown
Written by WarpStar930
Directed by WarpStar930
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Description[]

Fate/stay night vs Puella Magi Madoka Magica! In a tribute to that of ParaGoomba348, will the Wiki Waifu surpass the Lancer Class Servant?

Interlude[]

Jocelyn the Intern: Hey guys! Wiz and Boomstick are...out...for today, so i'm filling in as a solo host. Today we have-

Evil Craig: INTERN!!! *Bursts into the sound booth* What the fuck do you think you're doing?!

Jocelyn the Intern: S-Solo hosting Death Battle...

Evil Craig: You can't just, "Solo Host" Death Battle!! It's a two person show, and what the hell are you?! ONE PERSON!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Uh...do you want to Co-Host Death Battle?

Evil Craig: ...you bet your ass I do.

Jocelyn the Intern: Well today's battle is a powerful spear battle, between the Magical Girl, Kyoko Sakura, and the Lancer-Class servant, Lancer.

Evil Craig: Naming yourself after your class? That's just stupid! ...I'm Evil Craig and she's Jocelyn, and we look over what they can do to see who'd kill each other's ass.

Jocelyn the Intern: In...a Death Battle!

Kyoko Sakura[]

Jocelyn the Intern: Of all the characters in Madoka Magica, Kyoko Sakura has the saddest backstory, hands dow-

Evil Craig: BULLSHIT, that goes to Homura and you know it! All Kyoko's is, is just her having a sucky priest for a dad, who got kicked out of church! Then she made a deal with a being who crawled out of Satan's ass, and got her dad super famous!

Jocelyn the Intern: And as a result, Kyoko became a Magical Girl, hunters of Witches, dark beings who spread dark emotions throughout the planet. It sounds pretty cool right? Well...then Kyoko's dad realized that the people were being controlled by Kyoko's wish and, being reasonable, slaughtered the entire family, except for Kyoko.

Evil Craig: What a fucking pussy! Not even just accepting his suckiness...

Jocelyn the Intern: Anyway...so yeah, Kyoko's a Magical Girl, how cool is that? As a Magical Girl, Kyoko has a main weapon of choice, the Spear. She can grow and shrink her spear and use it to impale things, slice things open, wack things...real handy tool when you think of it!

Evil Craig: Yeah yeah, but what can she even do with it aside from impale things?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, she's fast enough to hit her opponent multiple times in one second, and can move at Hypersonic speeds. If you can't tell, she likes to Speed Blitz her opponent, no matter who it may be.

Evil Craig: Yeah, but she's a god damn psychopath! Does she really just kill people if they waste their food?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Yeah, see when they were kicked out of the church, Kyoko's family starved, ALL the time. As a result, she eats everything. All the time. In fact, on almost every scene she can be found, chewing a pocky.

Evil Craig: How the fuck is she not fat? Screw this, I want to hear more about how she fights!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, the fact that she can wield this pear with incredible precision is incredible, considering this should weigh a ton!

Evil Craig: She's even got some of the best reflexes of the magical girls?! Come on! ...And it says here that it isn't even her final form!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Yup! But before we get to that, we have to discuss some of her means of Defense. While Kyoko's body itself is only around that of a normal human, she is, in fact, like Deadpool. Any wound that is put on her, she can heal from in a matter of seconds. She was once even cut in half, and healed up a moment later, like it was nothing!

Evil Craig: ...Is she NOT the most insanely OP character in history?!

Jocelyn the Intern: She's not even a high tier in terms of Madoka Magica.

Evil Craig: GOD DAMN IT!

Jocelyn the Intern: When she doesn't rely on her healing factor, she can create a Diamon Shaped Fence around her that blocks attacks. While it's unknown how much punishment it can take, we can assume it could break after a fair amount of punishment, and Kyoko could be capable of walking through it.

Evil Craig: Ugh...then what's that thing?

Jocelyn the Intern: That right there is Ophelia, Kyoko's very own witch form.

Evil Craig: Oh, so does this increase her ability in ever single way?! And let me guess, Dozens of Spear Wielding clones jump out to harass the opponent?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Ya hit the nail on the head Mister Evil Craig. But even if the Witch Form fails, Kyoko has one last attack, commonly called the Suicide Attack. Her Spear grows to an enourmous size, and she easily takes care of whoever's in her way! Like a badass!

Evil Craig: ...just tell me there's a way I can put her down for good...

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, all Magical Girls are tied to a Soul Gem, which is rather fragile in retrospect. If this is destroyed, then...no more Kyoko.

Evil Craig: Oh! And her Suicide Attack has a chance of killing her too!

Jocelyn the Intern: Kyoko has slain countless witches, survived on her own for many years, fought against the most powerful witches known to girls, and also, destroyed a labyrinth the size of the Earth.

Evil Craig: ...okay...messing with her might be a bad idea...Oh fuck you Audience, I don't see you challenging her to a fight any time soon!!

Kyoko: Don't waste food. I will kill you.

Lancer[]

Jocelyn the Intern: Summoned during the Fourth Holy Grail War by Kayneth, the Hero Spirit Lancer is a fearsome opponent to all who meet him in battle.

Evil Craig: ....what the hell is he wearing?

Jocelyn the Intern: Some type of battle armor I presume?

Evil Craig: It's really gay looking.

Jocelyn the Intern: Of course you'd say something like that...anyway, he chose the Lancer class, and is commonly referred to as Lancer.

Evil Craig: I MENTIONED THIS IN THE STARFOX EPISODE!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU NAME YOURSELF AFTER YOUR RACE OR OCCUPATION?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Yes, well...anyways, Lancer Class servants commonly carry Spears, and oooh boy, does Lancer have some fancy schmancy weapons to show off today....passed down from his father, Lancer wields Gae Derg-

Evil Craig: Yes. Gay Derg. I told you.

Jocelyn the Intern: Anyways....this spear is two meters long, and has multiple magical properties about it, like extreme hax bro!

Evil Craig: Don't...try to be cool Intern...Gay Derg can render magic defense really fucking useless by cutting the ties to their magical energy! It can cut through magic defenses like hot butter, and can cause cracks in peoples magic shields with each swing! This guy is already OP as fuck!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, to be fair, the effects of magical severment only last as long as the spear is in there, so it's not completely unfair. It should also be noted that Lancer's magic is surpressed as it is wrapped in cloth. Meaning the effects don't start happening until Lancer decides to remove them from their binds and fight at full potential.

Evil Craig: That's stupid! Why don't you just keep them unwrapped for god sakes?!

Jocelyn the Intern: A state of respect for his opponent I suppose? Chivalry?

Evil Craig: Chivalry is dead intern!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Yes well, that's not the only spear Lancer carries around!

Evil Craig: I'm telling you, nothing's more homosexual then a man swinging around two giant poles.

Jocelyn the Intern: ...well anyways, Gae Buidhe was bestowed upon Lancer by the King of the Fairies, and is a cursed spear. Any wound inflicted by this weapon will be unhealable for as long as the spear is in existence.

Evil Craig: So he carries around his own fucking Carbonadium Sword?!

Joelyn the Intern: Yup! Oh, the curse also lasts until he dies too. But like his previous spear, he keeps it wrapped up in cloth to conceal it's power. Same deal, if it falls off, the magic starts working. Let's see...other abilities include...his Mystic Face!

Evil Craig: So this guy charms chicks into falling in love with him, by using a Mole on his face? This guy is SO unfair!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Yes, but beings with Magical Defenses can resist this attack. On the other hand, Lancer is extremely strong, capable of swatting Helicopters out of the air, and rending steel with just a swing of his spear. He can fight entire armies on his own, and come out fine.

Evil Craig: Lemme guess, he's a speedblitzer?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Right you are! He's quick enough to block bullets, and can move fast enough to kill in the blink of an eye. But that's nothing compared to what this guy's survived!

Evil Craig: Lancer got stabbed through the chest, and somehow lived long enough to curse the people who did it?! He stood up on a flying jet?! Come on! This guy is so damn OP! KILL HIM ALREADY! Tell me there's a way to kill him!!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, for starters, he's at a disadvantage if he only has one spear. His Luck stat is also one of the suckiest in Fate, and he happens to a little cocky and arrogant. But keep in mind, if you were to kill him, it wouldn't be an easy road...

DB-Interlude/Special Thanks![]

Jocelyn the Intern: Alright, our two fighters are set, now let's see who could kick who's ass!

Evil Craig: But first I gotta say thank you to some internet people for making a Thumbnail...and some guy named ParaGoomba for being a "Coolest Guy" or whatever...

Jocelyn the Intern: Right, well I guess it's time for this Death Battle!

DEATH BATTLE!!![]

WarpStar930[]

Mitakitahara, Sundown

Walking down the street of a back alley, eating an apple, was a tall man with two spears slung across his back. He had rugged blue hair and a Leotard-ish outfit with grey streaks on different parts of it. As he chewed his apple, Lancer came across a disgusting bruise on it's side, and suddenly decided he didn't want it anymore. He then threw it away, by tossing it behind him.

The apple sailed for a bit before crashing into someone's head harshly, making her jump up and turn around, angry.

A. Someone had waisted food,

B. They had hit her in the damn head!

She took the pocky out of her mouth and pointed at the man who had to have thrown it, him being the only one nearby.

"HEY ASSHOLE, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!"

Lancer turned around to see Kyoko Sakura glaring at him from across the space they were at. She was absolutely FUMING. She started stomping over to him, a red glowing field appearing in her hands, creating her spear, which she menacingly pointed at Lancer.

"Ah....did I hit you with my apple? If so I apolog-"

*CLANG*

In a quarter of a second, Kyoko had attacked Lancer, who had barely managed to bring up his spears in time to deflect. They both traded a few blows, equaling in combat speed before a shockwave from their strikes sent them flying back. Kyoko locked eyes with Lancer, but suddenly...felt strange...

FIGHT!

Lancer and Kyoko rushed at one another, and traded blows, each dodging and weaving as they jabbed at one another with intense speed. So much force was coming off their blows that it was sending objects in the alley way flying off into the street. Kyoko finally got in a lucky hit, dodging his blow and jabbing at his shoulder, knicking him. Kyoko found herself feeling bad for slashing him, but she shook her head, and tried to focus.

Lancer readjusted his attack, and rushed back in, smacking at Kyoko, who was pushed onto defense, blocking and ducking as she was pushed further and further back until she was in the street. Kyoko leapt away, staring down Lancer as she felt her heart beat faster. She...She still didn't know what was wrong with her. She looked back at Lancer, who was grinning at her from across the street.

"Feel anything different?" he asked, seemingly knowingly. Kyoko growled, and dashed back in before she felt something coming at her from the side, realizing it was a car. She leaped into the air and avoided instant splattering. After doing a frontflip, she dove at Lancer, bringing her spear down to try to impale him. Lancer jumped behind Kyoko however, and stabbed her on the leg with Gae Derg, sending her to the floor. To his surprise however, Kyoko jumped up a second later, with absolutely no wound on her leg whatsoever.

"So...you heal with ease do you?" Lancer asked her, reaching over to his spears and unwrapping them both, sending a devilish smirk at Kyoko, who was looking at him in confusion. After a second of looking at him, she blushed red and looked away. Lancer grinned as he took this opportunity to rush in and jab at Kyoko, who spun her spear around and deflected the blows for a few seconds before defenses broke and she was jabbed in her side. Lancer then leaped back in satisfaction, watching as Kyoko rolled her eyes and clutched her side in pain.

After a few seconds of nothing, Kyoko looked at him in shock. Her wound wasn't healing! How?! He hadn't even touched her Soul Gem...the spear! She looked at him with wide eyes, and Lancer laughed.

"Figuring it out, aren't you my dear? As long as I, or this spear exist that wound of your will never heal, not by Magic, or by the normal means! Now how about you surrender?"

Kyoko felt...tempted...he felt feelings for this man, in a similar manner to how she felt about Sayaka...

But he was her opponent! She made a vow to kill him, and therefore that's what she was gonna do! Wound or not!

"Hell no you prick!" she challenged, biting down on a pocky. Lancer ran back in, swinging down on Kyoko in an attempt to slay her, but she last second waved her spear, and out in front of her, a large array of diamond-shaped, glowing chain links appeared in front of her, stopping Lancer's attack in it's tracks...barely. As Lancer swung his Red spear down upon the barrier, it rippled, and snapped. splintering off into hundreds of dozens of different pieces.

Lancer shrugged at Kyoko's shocked expression, and nonchalantly said, "I can break your defenses as well. What else can you throw at me?"

Kyoko growled, and decided to try a different approach. She leaped farther backwards, avoiding a jab from Lancer's spears and causing her's to start growing. With it now enhanced in length, she jabbed at Lancer from a distance, forcing him onto the defensive as much as she was.

Finally, after stale mating for a couple minutes, Lancer pulled off a Pole Vault, flinging him onto Kyoko's spear and letting him run right at her. Kyoko blanched, then flung her spear up into the air, sending Lancer flying like he was in a catapult. Lancer landed on a building, one of which he pushed off of, diving back down at Kyoko, who raised her now shortened spear to deflect, but was jabbed with Lancer's yellow spear, right in the shoulder.

"You are a very worthy opponent girl..." Lancer praised, causing Kyoko to blush once more. But she managed to regain her focus, and suddenly, her Soul Gem started glowing. Lancer covered his eyes, and jumped back, pulling out his spears with him. When he opened his eyes, his environment was not like what he had seen a few moments ago...

Instead, it appeared as though it was a beautiful painting...one of sadness, and all around terror. He heard a shriek that could make grown men piss themselves, and he turned, only to see a huge figure, one on horseback, but with no head. It was none other than Kyoko's witch form, Ophelia.

This battle was just beginning.

As Lancer turned to face this new foe, he heard many dozen footsteps from behind him...no not behind, all around! From the darkness that was lurking around him, many pale female figures ran at him, each one going to attack him. Lancer pulled off a fancy maneuver with his spears, and redirected them, but was then jabbed in the side by one maiden who had been lurking about. Lancer growled, and slashed them all away with a powerful swing, causing them to disappear. He held his side and looked up to Ophelia, only to see that the woman on horseback was missing...

Using his Magic Skill, her held his side and took multiple steps through the pinkish fog, hearing steps of a horse, or a humans, from off into the fog. He heard a WHOOSH from behind, and he jumped to the side as a fireball flew past him. More and more attacks came from the fog, beginning to overwhelm the servant. Lancer finally heard his target coming at him at high speeds!

Ophelia, in the form of a huge lance, rushed past him, nearly mauling him to death and ending the battle right then and there. But Lancer remained calm, and jumped at Ophelia one last time, bringing his spears into the Witch's sides and causing her to shriek in pain. Suddenly, she changed glowing bright, and dissapating into nothingness, leaving Kyoko. The Labyrinth dropped, and everything returned to normal.

Kyoko stood, her side and shoulder still wounded. Lancer turned to face Kyoko, who was standing up one more. She couldn't die..not as long as her soul gem was intact.

"I've seen all your tricks, girl! Give it up...you'll die if you keep going like this..." Lancer tried to reason, walking over to her. Kyoko looked up at him with a devilish smirk, rivaling his. Lancer stopped right in his tracks as Kyoko stood her spear beginning to grow in size and width, big enough to rival the buildings around them.

"No...DIE YOU ASSHOLE!!!" she called, slamming the spear into the ground where Lancer was, causing an explosion that sent buildings all around them falling to the ground. Dust rose, and the entirety of Mitakitahara town was gone in the blink of an eye.

As the dust settled, no sign of Lancer was visible. Absolutely none...but then, some rubble moved, and out from the rubble, Kyoko appeared, no more wounds now that Lancer was dead. She was breathing heavy, resting on her spear. She had tear pouring from her eyes...that man..she hadn't know his name but she had already grown to care for him...deeply. She felt her vision start fading...she used up her energy...that last attack...

"I'm sorry...Sayaka..." she breathed, dissipating in a purplish light, moments later.

DOUBLE KO!!!

Results[]

Evil Craig: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! THEY BOTH DIED?! Bullshit!!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well...there is a reasonable explanation. In terms of speed and strength, Kyoko and Lancer were on par, Lancer might just having a bit more strength then her...but it is true that Lancer was almost set to take the win.

Evil Craig: All because of his god damned to hell Hack weapons! Kyoko's healing factor and shields were useless to the Gay spears, since they take away their power, hopefully you knew that!

Jocelyn the Intern: Even the Witch Form was useless against moves from the Gae spears. In the end, Kyoko had one, single move that could take down Lancer, and that was her Suicide Attack. And even then, Kyoko would have used up too much energy to make it through.

Evil Craig: But how would Kyoko decide to kill Lancer after falling for Mystic Face?!

Jocelyn the Intern: Well, Kyoko has had to kill her loved one before, like the time she killed Sayaka in her witch form. In the end, it was likely that Kyoko would still come out to kill Lancer. But again...she'd have offed herself too.

Evil Craig: This match is a fucking draw!!

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