Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku Wo! Battle Royale is a What-If? Death Battle created by 5555thExplosionMage. This fight features the four protagonists of KONOSUBA Satou Kazuma, Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin in a battle to the death.
Mage: It is time for the fight that we should've done a long time ago.
Hat: THESE FOUR MAIN CHARACTERS FROM MAGE'S FAVOURITE ANIME ARE ABOUT TO GO INTO A BATTLE TO THE DEATH!
Mage: SATOU KAZUMA THE THIEVING GAMER!
Hat: AQUA THE GODDESS OF WATER!
Mage: DARKNESS THE MASOCHIST KNIGHT!
Hat: AND MEGUMIN THE EXPLOSION MAKING ARCHWIZARD! SHE'S MAGE AND I'M HER HAT!
Mage: AND IT'S OUR JOB TO ANALYSE THEIR WEAPONS, ARMOUR, AND SKILLS TO FIND OUT WHO WOULD WIN A DEATH BATTLE!
Hat: YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS? DYING. ESPECIALLY NOT LIKE A HERO WHEN YOU THINK YOU DID. AND THEN PEOPLE LAUGHING AT YOUR DEATH?
Mage: Satou Kazuma was sixteen when he died for the first time. Method of death? Shock.
Hat: HE THOUGHT HE DIED BY GETTING RAN OVER BY A TRUCK WHILE TRYING TO SAVE A GIRL THAT WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS HIM. BUT HE DIED OF THE SHOCK OF THINKING THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE HIT BY SAID TRUCK.
Mage: The key word here is thinking. See it was only a tractor that was going at a slow speed. It stopped before it hit Kazuma.
Hat: WHEN HE DIED HE MET AQUA A GODDESS WHO IS THE MOST SNOTTY GIRL I HAVE EVER SEEN. EVEN MORE SNOTTY THAN YOU!
Mage: That hurt... Anyway, Aqua gave Kazuma these options, become reborn in his world, go to heaven, or go to a RPG esc world where he must defeat the Demon King.
Hat: I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE CHOSE.
Mage: Kazuma was then given this choice. Bring one thing of his choice with him or choose an overpowered skill.
Hat: KAZUMA CHOSE TO BRING AQUA WITH HIM TO THIS WORLD.
Mage: In that world Kazuma learned many skills.
Hat: STEAL, WHICH IN COMBINATION WITH HIS EXTREMELY HIGH LUCK ALLOWS HIM TO STEAL PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING HE CONSIDERS VALUABLE. LIKE PANTSU FOR AN EXAMPLE.
Mage: He has Hide, which allows him to be unnoticed, Sense Enemy, which allows him to know where his opponents are located, Escape, which allows him to escape from traps, and Bind.
Hat: KAZUMA HAS ALSO LEARNED A FEW SPELLS SUCH AS CREATE WATER WHICH ALLOWS HIM TO SHOOT A WATER GUN SPURT OF WATER FROM HIS HAND, FREEZE WHICH FREEZES ANY GIVEN WATER, AND DRAIN TOUCH WHICH ALLOWS HIM TO DRAIN HIS OPPONENT'S STAMINA AND MAGIC!
Mage: With a high intelligence and tactical skills it would be no surprise if Kazuma defeats the Demon King.
Satou Kazuma: Megumin and I were so excited. Give us back our motivation...
Mage: Before we start can I have something clarified? Is she the goddess of water or healing?
Mage: Okay, Aqua was the first and most snotty member of Kazuma's party. But before that...
Hat: SHE WAS THE GODDESS OF THE AXIS CULT.
Mage: Her job was to guide the souls of dead people into the afterlife, or their second life, or to an RPG esc world. She had her job going well until she met Kazuma.
Hat: YOU SEE… KAZUMA DECIDED TO BE KIND OF A JERK AND BROUGHT AQUA INTO THE RPG ESC WORLD WITH HIM TO DEFEAT THE DEMON KING.
Mage: There she quickly gained the class of arch-priest and learned all of the arch-priest's skills right off the bat.
Hat: THIS INCLUDES RESURRECTION, TURN UNDEAD, HEALING, CURSE REMOVAL, SPELL BREAK, AND LUCK BOOST!
Mage: Being a goddess she also has an upgraded form of these moves called Sacred <insert move name here>.
Hat: THIS MAKES THE MOVE TWICE AS EFFECTIVE AND WHEN COMBINED WITH CREATE WATER IS ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING!
Mage: Sacred Create Water allows Aqua to create a giant tsunami out of nowhere that leveled a city! And... that is the only bit of combat capabilities that she's shown. Her cowardice certainly wont help her either.
Hat: BUT SHE IS HOT!
Aqua: I'll show you what a goddess can do! You there, priest! State your denomination! I am Aqua. Yes, the object of worship for the Religious Order of Axis the goddess Aqua! It'd be a huge help if you could lend me some money!
Mage: In every group you need someone who can take hits. Someone who can stand in the front lines, take beatings, but return them well.
Hat: THAT... IS ALMOST DARKNESS.
Mage: Lalatina Dustiness Ford was born in the noble family dubbed Dustiness and lived a normal noble life.
Hat: AT LEAST UNTIL THE LORD OF AXEL WENT MISSING AND SHE HAD TO FILL IN FOR HIM. IN WHICH LEAD TO HER DECIDING "HEY! THESE PEOPLE NEED PROTECTION! AND WHO BETTER TO BE THE HUMAN SHIELD THAN ME?" SHE THEN WENT AROUND LOOKING FOR GUILDS UNTIL SHE RAN INTO SATOU KAZUMA AND AFTER ABOUT TWO OR THREE DAYS OF ASKING HE LET HER IN.
Mage: Darkness is a Crusader which is a class that specialises in taking hits and returning them harder. However she has a slight problem...
Hat: SHE CAN'T THINGS EVEN IF SHE TRIED!
Mage: And she's a masochist. And an extreme one at that. She enjoys being verbally abused, physically abused, and any other abuse you can think of.
Hat: IF IT IS IN PUBLIC... WE'RE UNSURE WHETHER OR NOT SHE LIKES... IT KEEPS CHANGING. ... AND EVOLVING! MAGE! EVOVLE INTO A MASOCHIST SO YOUR FEELINGS WON'T BE HURT WHEN I INSULT YOU!
Mage: Not a chance. Darknes has survived many things such as being beaten up by flying cabbages and surviving Megumin's explosion magic on many occasions.
Hat: EVEN THOUGH SHE CAN'T HIT THINGS AT ONE POINT IN THE SERIES SHE BECOMES HALF-WAY MIND CONTROLLED AND BEGAN TO KILL EVERYTHING! LIKE SHE WOULD'VE KILLED EVERYONE IF SHE WASN'T PARTLY IN CONTROL AND HOLDING BACK.
Mage: Darkness' dodging ability is rather amazing too. Dodging Aqua's magic rather easily.
Hat: LETS SEE IF SHE GETS A LUCKY SHOT!
Megumin: Your verbal lashings are pretty nasty. Most women would cry if you said what was on your mind without holding back.
Darkness: If you're feeling stressed out, I wouldn't mind you verbally abusing me instead~
Mage: 3, 2, 1.
Mage: Megumin was born in the tribe of Crimson Demons to Yuiyui and Hyoizaburo. At a young age she rather easily got into trouble to the point where she managed to-
Hat: UNLEASH A GIANT CAT DEMON FROM A SEAL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE UNBREAKABLE CAUSING THE GIANT CAT DEMON TO RAVAGE THROUGH THE CITY UNTIL A MYSTERIOUS PERSON DRAINED THE DEMON OF IT'S ENERGY USING THE LEGENDARY SPELL EXPLOSION!
Mage: From that day forward Megumin decided that her goal in life was to use Explosion magic and only Explosion magic.
Hat: EVENTUALLY MEGUMIN WENT TO THIS ONE SCHOOL WHERE IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME SHE LEARNED TO CAST EXPLOSION AND SHE GRADUATED FROM THAT SCHOOL.
Mage: When she graduated she set her sights toward Axel where she planned to join a party and show the world how amazing she is with one spell.
Hat: THIS... ENDED HORRIBLY. EVEN THOUGH SHE IS AN ARCHWIZARD, WHICH IS AN ADVANCED CLASS, WHATEVER PARTY SHE JOINED SHE WAS KICKED OUT OF SINCE SHE WAS... USELESS.
Mage: This was until she ran into Satou Kazuma who allowed her to join his party. At least after threatening him kinda.
Hat: SHE KINDA MADE A SCENE BY AFTER SEEING THAT PEOPLE WERE WATCHING SHE YELLED SOMETHING ABOUT WILLING TO DO ANY SLIMY EROTIC ACTS KAZUMA PLEASES... I WOULDN'T MIND!
Hat: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
Mage: NO! Anyway, Megumin's only spell is Explosion which she has spent her points shortening the casting time and increasing the power of.
Hat: HER EXPLOSIONS HAVE DESTROYED MOUNTAINS, GIANT SPIDER MACHINES, AND EVEN GIANT TOADS! LET ME REPEAT THAT. GIANT. TOADS. TAKE THAT QUAGSIRE!
Mage: Besides that her speed isn't that impeessive and she can only cast one explosion before losing all of her strength and falling to the ground.
Hat: BUT SHE HAS SURVIVED HER OWN EXPLOSION!
Mage: Lets see the true power a Crimson Demon possesses.
Megumin: My name is Megumin! An arch wizard who commands explosion magic!
The party stepped into an open field. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and then someone said something to offend all of the others and the whole group began to through insults at each other, Darkness enjoying it. The group stood up, Kazuma and Darkness pulled out their swords and Aqua and Megumin readied their staves.
LET THIS FRIENDSHIP FALL APART!
Megumin began to back away as Darkness swung her sword toward Kazuma missing completely. Aqua also began to fall back running in a full sprint in order to gain as much distance as she could. Kazuma chased Aqua but wasn't able to keep up with her. Darkness continued to try to hit Kazuma but kept missing.
Megumin backed up at a rather large distance and waited for her perfect shot. Aqua turned and pointed her staff toward Darkness and Kazuma and spoke the words she needed to cast her spell.
"SACRED CREATE WATER!" A large tsunami appeared behind her and it advanced toward Kazuma and Darkness. Darkness stopped fighting Kazuma and opened up her arms waiting to be hit by the tsunami. Kazuma ran from it repeating the same word over and over, "S*** S*** S*** S***!" suddenly Kazuma realised he could just freeze it. Turning around Kazuma opened his palm before the tsunami while holding onto his arm.
"FREEZE!" a bright white beam bursted out of Kazuma's hand freezing the huge tsunami before him inches before hitting him. Darkness was still up but her armour was beaten off from the tsunami and she proceeded to try to hit Aqua... missing completely. Aqua was running back to the main area where the battle was taking place attempting to take a different route out.
"CREATE WATER!" Kazuma shot water at Aqua's face knocking her over. Kazuma then walked up to her and cut her head off.
Darkness charged for Kazuma who began to dodge Darkness' strikes at him. He put his hand out and said a word normally, Darkness opened her arms to take whatever was about to happen.
"Steal," nothing happened however and Kazuma took this moment of surprise to stab Darkness. That did not work and his sword broke in his hand. Frantic Kazuma ran back and casted Create Water at Darkness' feet as she made chase after him. He then casted Freeze, freezing Darkness in place.
"Being stuck in a situation where I could be slain as a blood lusted man approaches me..." Darkness spoke as she breathed heavily becoming heavily aroused from this. Kazuma put his hand out and casted one of his spells.
"STEAL!" a bright glow filled the field and Kazuma had Darkness' bra in his hands. Kazuma dropped it and casted the spell again getting her panties. He tried one more time and got her sword. Darkness' masochistness was really kicking in and she was far too aroused. Kazuma pulled back the blade preparing to strike down Darkness.
"EXPLOSION!" a large blast of heat was fired from the distance as a large circle appeared around Darkness and Kazuma and the heat hit the location. An explosion that's heat could be felt at Axel and it's size could be seen hit Kazuma and Darkness at point blank. Kazuma was completely incinerated however Darkness was perfectly fine.
In the distance Megumin fell over from exhaustion and with the ice melted Darkness picked up her blade and walked toward Megumin. Megumin continued to lie there thinking she got both Darkness and Kazuma. Darkness lifted her blade and swung.
Darkness attempted once more to hit Megumin.
And missed again.
Does she ever hit Megumin?
Hat: HIT HER ALREADY! HIT HER!
Mage: The ending to this fight swapped many times over until we found a victor.
Hat: WE KNEW THAT AQUA WOULD TRY TO CAST SACRED CREATE WATER TO END THE MATCH QUICKLY HOWEVER KAZUMA KINDA COUNTERS THAT WITH FREEZE.
Mage: Since Kazuma dislikes Aqua the most out of the group it would be no surprise that he would attack her first, next targeting Darkness.
Hat: SINCE MEGUMIN WAS OUTSIDE THE FIGHT CASTING EXPLOSION SEEMED TO BE THE BEST IDEA FOR HER AND SHE TOOK OUT KAZUMA.
Mage: This left us with a immobilised Megumin and Darkness. Since Darkness can't hit any target it would be safe to conclude that she wouldn't be able to hit Megumin.
Hat: 2/4 DEAD AND ENDING IN A DRAW!
Mage: I'm not done explaining. While Kazuma may have survived an explosion from Megumin before, he was only caught up in it and didn't take it point blank like Darkness did. In-fact Darkness survived it after being beaten and having all of her armour knocked off.
Hat: TWO OUTTA-
Mage: Aqua could've casted another Sacred Create Water but due to her cowardice she would've ran for the hills ending in her demise against Kazuma.
Hat: CAN I SPEAK NOW?
Hat: 2/4 KILLED AND ENDING IN A DRAW!
Mage: Do you have a pun?
Hat: WATER YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU SWORD IT YOURSELF YOU DON'T LIKE MY PUNS UNLESS YOU'RE A MASOCHIST OR SOMETHING IN WHICH I HAVE AN EXPLOSION OF PUNS TO THROW AT YOU! LET ME STAR-
Mage: THIS BATTLE ENDS IN A DRAW!