Kirby VS Patrick is a what-if DEATH BATTLE! by VaporwaveS'mOREO. It features Kirby from the franchise of the same name and Patrick Star from the SpongeBob Squarepants series in a battle between cartoony pink characters known for their simple designs, and massive appetites. Both are also known for the whimsical nature of their home-series, and the surprising variety of abilities and skills that the characters possess. This is the third episode of VaporwaveS'mOREO's first season of what-if DEATH BATTLEs, proceeding Dio Brando VS Akuma and being proceeded by an unknown fourth episode.
Intro[]
Wiz: Kirby, the galactically hungry pink puffball.
Boomstick: Patrick, the dimwitted starfish of Bikini Bottom.
Wiz: From the great outer space beyond what we can reach, to the sea below that we've yet to explore. Consumption seems to be a universal principal.
Boomstick: And who would have thunk that it's color-coding was pink? He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
Kirby inhales DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Let us venture off far into the cosmos, and gaze upon each star illuminating the otherwise colorless void that is outer space. Look off into the distance, and see a star that's larger than the others. Be not mistaken, however, for this is not a star. In fact, it's a lively planet. Planet Popstar.
Boomstick: It was a peaceful planet, but things would take a huge change when a mysterious being, last of the legendary Star Warriors, would crash land onto the planet.
Wiz: Thought to be extinct after a war with Nightmare, an evil being intent to conquer and wipe out all life, the Star Warriors would greatly dwindle in numbers after finally sealing him away. It was their duty to protect the universe from beings like Nightmare going forward, and the star warrior that crashed, may well be the strongest they have to offer. The myth, the legend, the pink, the poyo.
Boomstick: Kirby, Kirby, Kirby that's the name you should-
*cut to Wiz and Boomstick*
Wiz: No.
Boomstick: Aw c'mon Wiz, live a little!
Wiz: I love that song as much as anyone, but we don't have an entire minute to perform this legendary theme. We've got a show to run.
Boomstick: Fiiiiiiine.
*Cut to clip compilation*
Boomstick: Still, I can't help but love the little guy. Look at him, he's adorable! Also, he's a sick, sadistic cannibal! And if you aren't convinced yet, he was named after a lawyer! The greatest character combination ever.
Wiz: ...Boomstick what are your critical standards for character analysis-
Boomstick: Anyways, Kirby's eating isn't aimless, it's actually an important part of how he works in combat. He can swallow his enemies and gain their skills and/or powers. Take him to a Blade Knight? Bada bing, bada bang, this little bitch has a sword now! Have him swallow a Chilly? Now he's a cryomancer! The possibilities are limitless, imagination, life is your creation! ...Shit that's the wrong cutesy pink franchise.
Wiz: Regardless of Boomstick's aquavision, we also know that whatever enemies Kirby eats end up in a dimension inside his stomach, an endless plane occupied only by other victims of Kirby's appetite, not killing his food, but letting it never see the outside world again. At least you won't be lonely.
Boomstick: This doesn't mean that anyone Kirby consumes is automatically subject to the emotionless purgatory that is the inside of Kirby, no they can be spat out if Kirby so chooses. He's used this to absorb his friends and use them as projectiles, or just get rid of enemies if he doesn't want their abilities.
Wiz: Speaking of which, he has a LONG comprehensive list of abilities to go over. We listed some as examples before, but this is such a large, comprehensive topic that it would likely take this entire analysis to do it full justice. As such, we'll be going over some of the most unique, notable ones.
Boomstick: He can use a sword, as mentioned before, and he also has the options of the Hammer, Archer, Bomb, Drill, Staff, Whip, Spear, Cutter, or hell, even just a whole ass ninja kit thanks to enemies like Bio Spark and Moonja. Yet the only gun they ever had the balls to give him is a blunderbuss... GIVE HIM A F***ING TOMMY GUN ALREADY, YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO MAKING HIM A BINGO CHARACTER IN MY BOOK, JUST GIVE HIM A GUN OF ACTUAL SUBSTANCE FOR GODS SAK-
Wiz: He also has control over the elements, such as with Flame, both Ice, Freeze, Tornado, Spark, Water, Poison, or the non-combat appropriate Light. He can also gain the ability to change his body with the likes of the Stone and Steel abilities.
Boomstick: He's also got some plain weird abilities, like being able to fully embrace his body shape and become a ball, just killing whatever he knocks himself into. Or Mike, where he can just scream, really, REALLY- oh hey that actually isn't that bad. Guess they don't want to harm the player. Either way, he can shout into a microphone and generate a powerful soundwave, with the drawback being he can only use that copy ability three times before losing it. There's also cook, which straight up turns enemies into food. The real question here is whether or not it's still cannibalism.
Wiz: He's not limited to copying abilities and weapons, sometimes, inhaling an enemy will just give him new skills entirely. Suplex and Wrestler both give him wrestling techniques, Magic gives him some implements of a magician, Fighter allows him to gain martial arts mastery, and finally, Yo-Yo gives him stylish attacks with a Yo-Yo, stupid I know-know, but I guess it looks cool, you know-know?
Boomstick: ...Wiz, never do that again.
Wiz: i never want to. Regardless, Kirby isn't dependant on copying others to get the win. As a matter of fact, he has some crazy raw power behind him, and some other things he can access without others.
Boomstick: Like the Warp Star, one of his favorite modes of transport, known for its incredible speed! Using it, he's been shown to be able to outspeed light! He has easy access to these things too, he can simply call one in through a funky 80s phone, or just manifest one, making the phone entirely impractical but still pretty funny!
Wiz: If he's faced with a great evil force, rather than travelling on the Warp Star, he can instead eat the Warp Star to gain the Star Rod! The Star Rod is a legendary weapon said to repel evil by shooting out it's star-shaped projectiles. It's how he was able to defeat Nightmare!
[Wip]
Patrick falls asleep to DEATH BATTLE![]
Pre-Fight[]
DEATH BATTLE![]
FIGHT![]
Post-Analysis[]
Next Time![]
Trivia[]
- This will be the first episode where S'mOREO uses Wiz and Boomstick as opposed to his OC hosts.
- Originally, this episode was supposed to be fourth in S'mOREO's season, but was moved ahead after the indefinite delay of Frozone VS Mei.