Home alone vs Scp! Kevin's in for the night of his life, as he faces the Yule man. prepare, for some a forever terror night...
Credit to Born_enviorment-239 on reddit for this awesome TN!
Interlude[]
Luke: Kevin McCallister.
Ezra: The yule Man, AKA: SCP-4666.
Luke: Kevin will have his hands full tonight, as he defends he house against the man who may just spell his doom.
Ezra: Will Kevin succeed, or will he be another victim of the Scp monster?
Luke: He's Ezra and I'm Luke!
Ezra: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win...
A DEATH BATTLE!
Kevin[]
The Yule man[]
Pre-fight[]
Ezra: All right, the combatants are ready.
Luke: Who will live to see the next day? Well, only one way to find out!
It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!!
Don't get scared now - Fight![]
It was a christmas like any other: The tree was up, the music was blaring, the lights were shining, and everybody was happy. This time, the McCallister family was staying home, so as to not lose anybody this time.
Everybody was running around the house, grabbing things, and going from room to room. The snow outside was roaring, and snowmen were built all around.
Meanwhile, Buzz, Megan and of course, Kevin, were huddled around the TV, watching some Tom and Jerry, while the dinner was being set up. Soon, they were called to the dinner table, and everybody began to tuck in.
This had been the least chaotic dinner, and the mood was high, and nothing could have made the situation even better. Hell, even Kevin and his other siblings weren't arguing, as to not ruin the mood.
But something did. Something ALWAYS did.
Suddenly, a piercing sound filled the room, coming from the TV, catching everyone's attention. They all went to check it out, and to their shock, a EAS was playing on their TV.
The message was simple: Lock up tight, as a person was seen loitering around homes and schools alike. The family listened, and quickly began to lock up the house. Suddenly, Tracy pointed out a man on the other side of the street, gazing at their house.
Of course, the police were called, but it was too late.
Their house had been marked, as the Yule man slinked away.
Results[]
Description[]
Home Alone vs SCP, Christmas is a joyous time filled with happiness and cheer, yet not everyone experiences this, in fact break ins alone increase during this time, but a brave heart and quick mind can be enough to handle this, Kevin’s dealt with this kind of situation before, but SCP-4666 is far deadlier than your usual bandit, can he survive the Weissnacht event? Let’s find out, but I have to tell you something before you start reading this, Don’t get scared now!
Intro[]
Sheldon: SCP-4666, The Yule Man.
Deadpool: Kevin McCallister, the boy left Home Alone.
Sans: Home invasions are one of the most common crimes out there, especially on Christmas, but when it comes to defending it, there’s no one who does it better than Kevin, and today he faces his deadliest intruder ever, does he have what it takes to beat it?
Sheldon: I’m Sheldon, this is Deadpool, and this is Sans, and it’s our job to analyse their stats, weapons and skills to figure out who would win-
ALL: A DEATH BATTLE!!!
The Yule Man does WHAT to children!!![]
Sheldon: imagine this, your family is sitting inside the house at Christmas, cuddled up in blankets around a cozy fire, hot chocolate in hand as you put on some Christmas movie or special, the snow is heavy and beautiful outside, and then for a single fleeting moment, you see something out there, off in the distance, hard to make out yet unmistakably human, and yet taller than any other you’ve seen.
Deadpool: hey, maybe it was just some neighbours doing stuff outside, god knows why, so you ignore it and just continue on, but then that night your child, likely below 8 years old, bursts into the room with tears in their eyes, talking about a face in the dark
Sans: hey, maybe it’s just the lights playing tricks on them, that’s pretty common, and yet, this stuff continues happening, you constantly see something out in the distance or in the window in the corner of your eye, you start growing nervous, and that’s when you start hearing footsteps at night, and an odour fills the house, you think someone’s in here with you, so you call the police, but it’s already too late, The Yule Man has marked your family, and there’s no escape
Sheldon: officially labelled as SCP-4666 (pronounced forty six, sixty six, rather than four thousand, six hundred and sixty six), this creature has remained a mystery, even to the SCP foundation.
Deadpool: but that doesn’t mean we don’t know anything about it, the Yule Man stands at 2 meters (or 6.5 feet) tall despite having a rather hunched over back, it’s fingerprints somehow contain even more detail than a normal humans, and it is EXTREMELY old
Sans: known encounters with 4666 have dated back to the 18th century, but it’s far older, with some information revealing it to come from the early Anno Domini years, but if that’s not all, one of its victims spoke a language similar to pre-proto-Germanic, a language from 2500 B.C.
Sheldon: so it’s pretty clear that the Yule Man has been active for thousands of years, doing what? You may ask, well for 353 days of the year, nothing, but then you’ve got a certain twelve days that begin on roughly the 22nd of December, and then end on the 2nd of January, this is the Weissnacht event.
Deadpool: Weissnacht translates to white night, referencing the fact that it only happens when there is a thick layer of snow outside, and that it only appears at night, during these nights multiple events will begin to unfold.
Sans: as mentioned, 4666 will stalk it’s victims for the first six nights, often appearing in the distance and just in the corner of your eyes, if that’s not all, at night several children have noted to see a creepy face staring in at them from the window.
Sheldon: on nights seven through eleven it becomes more adventurous, it begins actively entering the house, footsteps commonly heard up in the attic and a rank, terrible smell flowing throughout, but it’s on the twelfth night that something truly horrible happens.
Deadpool: yeah, this is the night where the Yule Man strikes, while every family member is asleep, it drags them all into a single room, and proceeds to violently and sadistically murder each and every member one by one, except for one child below the age of 8, who it will put into a bag and are taken away. What happens to those kids? You may be asking, well let’s just say that the answer lies in the fifteen percent of families who don’t receive that treatment from it.
Sans: if, on the twelfth night, the family wakes up, they’ll come downstairs to gifts under the tree, but not any normal gifts, no these gifts are made from human flesh and bone… oh, oh god.
Sheldon: yes, calling what 4666 does to them, disturbing, is an understatement.
Deadpool: which we know of thanks to Morosva, a Russian girl found as one of the “gifts” he left, her clothes were knitted to her skin, fingernails were glued over her own, she had many marks of hits, bites and burns over her body, and her eyes were replaced with pebbles.
Sans: she ultimately died after being rushed to the hospital, but before that happened some foundation members were able to interview her.
Sheldon: 4666 was noted to keep her and countless of its other kidnapped victims in an underground lair, where they were forced to turn anyone who could not work anymore into more toys, never allowed a moment of rest while under constant threat of being cooked and eaten by the monster, and when she herself became too tired to work, the other children grabbed her and got to work on her.
Deadpool: yeah, he’s a fucking sicko, but I wonder why he is?
Sans: well we can’t quite answer that with full assurance, heck we don’t even know it’s true origins.
Sheldon: of course, we do know a few, like in one story where it’s one of the names of SCP-5925, who after taking enough names became Santa Claus, and then Yule Man split off from it into its own being.
Deadpool:… huh?
Sans: yup, and in the other stories it’s a minion for Santa Claus, who it kidnaps the children to make toys for, and who gave it it’s best item for versus debates.
Sheldon: that being a ring on its hand, one that allows it the ability to regenerate from small amounts of damage, including bullet wounds and axe strikes.
Deadpool: and if that’s not all, it even lets him open up portals that let it teleport to anywhere it wants forty degrees north of the equator.
Sans: actually while that’s what was originally believed, it was later theorised that it could actually teleport anywhere, it likely only went to those places due to its actual restriction of requiring a thick layer of snow to be on the ground.
Sheldon: of course, in an actual battle it’s not really that much of a restriction combat wise, though still interesting to bring up.
Deadpool: yeah, you ain’t getting any special advantages against the Yule Man, which is really unfortunate considering it can skin a human with its bare hands, contort their body unnaturally, and even crush two heads at once, one skull crush would require a force of 2,300 joules to crush, and doubling it would be 4,600 joules.
Sans: if that’s not all, it was able to outrun multiple men while heavily injured through a snowy forest, and one time a father tried to stop it by swinging an axe into his side, needless to say it proceeded to just kill him.
Sheldon: but that doesn’t even bring up its most used skill, its stealth.
Deadpool: yeah, despite how 4666 looks, the thing is able to be almost supernaturally silent, and impossible to catch, even the SCP foundation, the same foundation that captures gods for a living, can’t get it.
Sans: for reference, the foundation once used an SCP that is fully connected to the entire internet, and which can predict almost anything that’ll happen in the future, the only time it was wrong, was with the Yule Man.
Sheldon: 4666 is terrifying, and one of its most terrifying aspects, ironically, is also its greatest weakness.
Deadpool: Yule Man is sadistic to a fault, often preferring to draw out the chase rather than finish it, like this one time where despite knowing exactly where a kid was, it decided to check every single other hiding spot first to make them more and more scared.
Sans: his love for… well, child murder is so great, that despite knowing they had to finish making the toys for Santa, Yule Man still killed all the kidnapped kids because he couldn’t hold back his hornyness for murder, and then it also killed Santa as well.
Deadpool: …seriously, fuck this guy.
Sheldon: when it gets to Christmas time, make sure to lock up tight, but it won’t matter, cause if you’ve been selected by the Yule Man, it is already in your house, and you are already dead.
Can Kevin McCallister beat this intruder?[]
Sheldon: What does it mean to have courage? Is it the absence of fear, no, it is the ability to overcome your fear and face it down, and while many have dealt with it, not many have done so in a way quite as interesting as one Kevin McCallister.
Deadpool: Kevin is a young, 8 year old boy, son of Kate and Peter Mccalister and brother to Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff, he lives in a rather big house, and along with many, many other family members, would be going on a Christmas holiday soon.
FIGHT[]
| “ | When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe | „ |
| ~ Luke 21:11 |