Description[]
This is a fight between two characters at the absolute height of fashion! This ought to be a show to remember!
Written by Th3Gr8DrX
Interlude[]
Wiz: Boomstick, what's the most important thing in the world?
Boomstick: Easy. Beer.
Wiz frowns disapprovingly.
Boomstick: What do you want me to say? Family? Happiness? World peace?
Wiz: No! Obviously, it's fashion! Just ask either of today's combatants, like Mettaton, Dr. Alphys' greatest invention.
Boomstick: Or Kaz Kaan, Neo Yokio's most eligible bachelor. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Kaz Kaan is ready to style on DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: In an alternate timeline, Japan has ownership of the United States.
Boomstick: Cool! You know, I always thought they'd take over the world.
Wiz: And they did a pretty darn good job, because before long, New York, er, sorry, Neo Yokio became "the greatest city in the world".
Boomstick: Woah! Go Japan, I guess.
Wiz: But unfortunately, something so good is just looking to be ruined.
Boomstick: Yeah, sounds about right.
Wiz: Before long, the entirety of the city was under siege by demons.
Boomstick: Uh huh.
Wiz: With complete desperation, the people of Neo Yokio turned to... uh... magician... rat catchers, called Magistocrats, for help.
Boomstick: Makes sense. Demons, rats, what's the difference?
Wiz: Well, it worked... so...
Boomstick: Of course.
Wiz: The deal was that if the Magistocrats got rid of the demons, they would get citizenship and could live in the world's greatest city.
Boomstick: Yeah, so they jumped at that opportunity.
Wiz: They cleared the demons out of Neo Yokio, and they were revered as heroes, but demons are stubborn. They wanted Neo Yokio, and no humans were going to tell them no.
Boomstick: So "Demon Hunter" became a job, one that gets passed down through the Magistocratic bloodline, the latest of which being Kaz Kaan.
Kaz: She's possessed? That sucks.
Wiz: But Kaz is a different sort of demon hunter. And by that I mean he'd rather do anything than hunt demons.
Boomstick: Yeah, he hates to do... really just stuff in general.
Wiz: That may be true, but he certainly knows how to hold his own in a fight. His powers are good for more than just demons and rats, you know.
Boomstick: I'll say! He manipulates a sort of blue... lightning-y... stuff that has all sorts of uses.
Wiz: Swords, throwable blasts, bolts of lightning, whatever Kaz wants his energy to do, it seems to be able to do.
Boomstick: And boy, does it pack a punch! Like when Kaz threw a ball of energy through a wall, into Archangelo, and then knocked him through another wall! He should be dead...
Wiz: But his powers don't end there. He has a lot of versatility in terms of utility, not just attacking.
Boomstick: He can make shields, scan the area for possessions, and even go inside paintings! Why? Who cares!
Wiz: But he really isn't as impressive as we're making him sound. For one thing, his motivation is... in a word, lacking.
Boomstick: He's no stranger to giving up. The second something doesn't work, he doesn't try a second time, he just gives up.
Wiz: And yet, at other times he's way too stubborn for his own good, trying the same attack over and over despite its apparent futility.
Boomstick: And combining that with his laziness, he only fights when his aunt makes him, so he doesn't have much in the way of battle experience.
Wiz: Still, he's lasted this long in situations like being outnumbered and fighting opponents that have him trapped, so clearly he knows what he's doing. Despite every shortcoming, he's a force to be reckoned with.
Kaz: You know what, Helena? You don't deserve this big Toblerone.
Mettaton dances into DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: It must suck being a ghost. You're just kinda... there. Floating around, lacking purpose...
Boomstick: Yeah... it's rough... and that's exactly why they try to find a body!
Wiz: But finding a body is no easy task. You have to be absolutely sure that what you fuse with is what you want, because once you fuse, you're stuck. Forever.
Boomstick: Woah. That's a lot of pressure. And that's the same way ol' Happstablook felt-
Wiz: That's not their name.
Boomstick: Oh yeah? What is it, then?
Wiz: ... Carry on.
Boomstick: Having to choose something for the rest of your life is really intimidating, and that's exactly how (looks at Wiz) Happstablook felt.
Wiz: Realizing that they'd never find a body in which they could truly be them self, they became incredibly depressed, convinced they were destined to live an eternity of misery.
Boomstick: Until one day, when they met a woman named Alphys at one of their human fan club meetings, and they struck a deal.
Wiz: Alphys would make... um... "Happstablook"... a body and they would pretend to be her creation so she could get the job as Royal Scientist for having created an artificial SOUL.
Boomstick: And then, once she was important and had all the resources she could ever want, Alphys would make Mettaton the body of their dreams.
Wiz: Well, they jumped at the chance, and Mettaton was born!
Metatton: DRAMA! ROMANCE! BLOODSHED!
Boomstick: But he's a hell of a lot more than just a Nokia phone! He may be totally invincible in his boxy body, but he's not much to look at. And that's exactly why he loves to show off his real, beuatiful self...
Mettaton EX: Oooh, yeeeees~
Boomstick: Dr. Frank-N-Furter!
Wiz: As Mettaton EX, he sacrifices his impressive durability for power and beauty.
Boomstick: And legs!
Wiz: He can shoot bolts of lightning from his fingertips and throw boxes and bombs alike.
Boomstick: And oh boy, does he have bombs! Mega Man-style cross bombs, basketball bombs, book bombs, even glass of water bombs!
Wiz: See, Alphys is no idiot. She knows how to get King Asgore's attention, and that's by giving him what he likes. And what does he like?
Boomstick: Weapons! Violence! Human eradication! Mettaton is powerful!
Wiz: Not only can he smash through a wall with relative ease, but he's even stronger than Undyne, who's able to lift, throw, and even suplex boulders roughly the size of her!
Boomstick: Oh, he's strong alright, even without explosives! His arms extend, and his legs can kick so fast that it looks like there are five at once!
Wiz: But we're starting to get to his more dangerous techniques... disco balls that shoot laser beams, miniature versions of his box form that can quickly overwhelm opponents but are at the same time rather fragile, and even-
Boomstick: ...His own heart! That door on his waist opens up and out comes his Heart-Shaped Core, able to shoot multiple devastating pulses of electricity, one after another!
Wiz: But said core is very vulnerable, and damage done to it is reflected back onto Mettaton.
Boomstick: Yeah, but damage is something he can take. This guy is determined as hell, no pun intended. He'll keep going until he's out of battery, even if he loses his arms and legs.
Wiz: But if all else fails, he always has a final option.
Boomstick: Remember how Asgore likes weapons? Well, Alphys was going to go a very different direction with Mettaton's look at first, but the box was just easier.
Wiz: Yeah, but the original design was never fully removed. Enter Mettaton NEO, with a slight decrease in defense in exchange for a massive increase to both power and HP, and wings and an arm cannon for good measure.
Boomstick: Well, this is all great, but we're really hyping up Mettaton more than we should be.
Wiz: Well... yeah. He's got his weaknesses, no doubt about that. He's easily distracted, he rarely ever actually gets to fight since humans are so rare, but above all is his showmanship.
Boomstick: He'd much rather put on a show and have some fun than fight smart. He'll play with his enemy more often than not because it's so much more fun than the regular, boring way of beating someone up.
Wiz: But really, he can afford to. He's just that powerful. Really, he's a force to be reckoned with.
Mettaton: SO WHAT IF A FEW PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE? THAT'S SHOW BUSINESS, BABY!
Death Battle[]
Kaz Kaan is seen making his way to a local restaurant, on his way to lunch, though it's already 2:48. As he enters, he looks around, and then sighs as he notices his aunt Agatha, apparently waiting for him. Walking over and sitting down at her table, she takes notice of him.
Aunt Agatha: Oh, Kaz, perfect. I figured I'd find you here. You've got a job.
Kaz: Please, Aunt Agatha, I have no energy to work today. Besides, I just got here.
Aunt Agatha (angry): Damn it, Kaz! Your job pays for your lifestyle. You don't get to just take the day off.
Kaz: (sighs) Fine, can I at least have lunch first?
Aunt Agatha: Get a move on. You can eat when you get back.
Kaz: Fiiiine. Where am I going?
Aunt Agatha: The sightings were all in the center of town, right under the Bachelor Board. But they were saying that it was a particularly strange case. Whatever that means. If you hurry, it might still be there.
Kaz: Alright, I'm going.
He gets up and leaves, signaling for his Mecha-Butler, Charles, to pick him up and fly him to the center of town.
When he arrives, he immediately notices what's going on. There are streamers, ribbons, confetti and balloons everywhere, with music blaring from nearby speakers. On a large stage set up right under the Bachelor Board is a dancing, humanoid robot, blowing kisses to the audience every once in a while as they watch in pure awe.
Kaz: What on Earth is that? I don't suppose it's...
Kaz reaches out his palm toward Mettaton, a gentle blue wave coming from it and moving toward the robot. He notices the strange light, and curiously reaches out to touch it. As it touches him, it changes from blue to almost white and violently crackles around the stage like electricity, startling the robot a great deal.
Mettaton EX: You ruined my performance! What do you have to say for yourself?
But Kaz is focused on something else entirely.
Kaz: I figured as much! That thing's possessed! (Turns to Charles) Keep watch from the air. I'll call you when I need you. This'll be quick.
Charles: Right away, sir.
As Charles takes to the sky, Kaz addresses the crowd.
Kaz: People, clear out! That thing's a demon!
Terrified, screaming, the crowd disperses until all that's left are Kaz Kaan and Mettaton.
Mettaton EX (very angry): You interrupt my show, you call me names, and then you scare away my audience! You'd better believe you're going to pay for this!
Mettaton gets off the stage and starts walking toward the Magistocrat furiously.
Kaz: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He readies a ball of blue, crackling light in his hand.
FIGHT!
As Kaz is about to throw the ball at Mettaton, he gets startled by his approach and falters for a second. Mettaton slaps Kaz right in the face and he accidentally fires the blast into the air. Surprised by the "demon's" straightforward attack, he looks incredulously at him.
Kaz: Huh?
Mettaton EX: Nice aim, darling.
Mettaton kicks Kaz in the stomach and sends him flying back a good 10 meters. Kaz, winded, starts to get up, only to be zapped by a bolt from the robot's finger and collapse again.
Kaz: Bastard...
Mettaton EX: I must say, I'm incredibly disappointed, darling. I thought you'd have more fight in you, but apparently, you only talk the talk.
For good measure, he sends another bolt Kaz's way, but this time, he blocks it with his hand, covered in the same blue light as before. Getting to his feet, Kaz Kaan is mad.
Kaz: You're gonna pay for that!
Kaz throws a blast with both hands at Mettaton, only for him to gracefully jump over it with a back flip and toss a cross bomb right back. Kaz holds out his hands and a wall of energy spreads out in front of him, blocking the impact of the explosion.
Mettaton EX: Well, I must say... I owe you an apology. You can stand up and fight when you want to.
Mettaton raises his arms and boxes start to fly at Kaz, coming from behind the robot. Kaz starts shooting them with energy blasts, but after that proves ineffective, resorts to creating a sword and slashing at them instead, though he still gets hit by the odd one. The robot smirks, evidently impressed by the man's performance against him, and reaches out his hand, holding a glass of water. The assault of boxes stop, and Mettaton extends his arm out towards Kaz, seemingly offering it to him. Kaz looks at it skeptically, before the robot drops it. Before it hits the ground, it makes a sharp turn to the left, then diagonally right, and then all around Kaz, startling him to the point that he falls down. Getting up and brushing himself off, he narrowly misses having the glass slam into his face by moving his head to the right. He spreads out his arms and a bubble-like shield made from his energy surrounds him. As he looks at the glass of water zipping all around him, contemplating what to do about it, Mettaton sends a number of Mini-MTT robots his direction, blowing kisses before slamming into the shield, both beginning to leave cracks, which spread the more the robots pound on it with their fists. Kaz, sweating, furiously trying to maintain his barrier, is trying to figure out what to do before the Glass of Water finally hits his shield, exploding, breaking it and sending him flying. Mettaton picks him up with one hand and looks Kaz in the eyes.
Mettaton EX: Alright, darling, I suppose you've learned your lesson, I think I can let you live...
He goes to put Kaz down, but...
Kaz: No chance in hell!
He lands a punch charged with energy right in the robot's face, causing him to drop Kaz in surprise. Kaz lunges at him again, but he extends his arm and punches him out of the air.
Mettaton EX: Fine. Have it your way, darling. But you might benefit from a little heart-to-heart.
Mettaton's Core emerges from his body and starts shooting pulse after pulse of electricity at Kaz, only barely able to avoid harm with his shield. Slowly advancing despite the immense strain, the robot becomes visibly concerned. As Kaz creates another sword, Mettaton draws back his core, afraid of the damage it might take. Taking the opportunity, Kaz blitzes Mettaton, stabbing him through the chest.
Kaz: That should do it-
A light behind Mettaton's hair starts to glow a bright pink, and his body starts to convulse.
Kaz: I... I win?
A blinding light shines out from Mettaton's body, and when it clears, Mettaton EX has become Mettaton NEO.
Mettaton NEO: Alright, that tears it, darling!
He points his cannon at Kaz and starts to float up from the ground.
Mettaton NEO: Get ready for the grand finale!
He fires a giant blast of lightning at Kaz, who just barely gets up his shield in time, though it's of little use, shattering nearly immediately upon imact, resulting in most of the beam hitting him. Barely managing to get to his feet and barely conscious, bleeding profusely, he charges up one last blast in between his palms. Mettaton, taking notice, starts to charge up another shot, but before he gets it off fully, Kaz lets his loose, so he has to release it at half-charge. The two blasts collide midair, and stall for a second, but Kaz's blast overtakes Mettaton's, and hits him head-on. The ghost inside is seen, struggling to maintain control of the body as Kaz's energy invades it, they slowly get overtaken and begin to disintegrate, before Mettaton's body is just an empty shell. Back on the outside, lights begin to shut off, arms go limp, and his legs fall away from his body, which hits the ground too, his wings having deactivated. The Star of the Underground is no more.
KO!
Kaz: Holy shit, I need a better job.
He takes out his phone.
Kaz: Charles, come get me.
He collapses, utterly unable to stand up any longer from the damage sustained. Charles lands, finds him, picks him up, and flies off with him, back to Kaz's house.
Charles (to himself): Agatha's not going to like this.
Analysis[]
Boomstick: Awww, why did the one everyone likes have to die?
Wiz: On paper, Mettaton is better in just about every way. He's faster, stronger, and more durable. And while Kaz has more experience and versatility, it isn't really to the point where it's even that much of an advantage.
Boomstick: And while Kaz hates to fight and wants to get it over with as quickly as possible, Mettaton loves to fight and is good at it, too, not to mention having a number of tools Kaz would never even think about in a million years. How would he counter the Glass of Water Bomb?
Wiz: Kaz's possession-sensing ability would work on Mettaton because of what he is, but it isn't like Mettaton would ever try to use stealth tactics, so that has limited usage, especially since it isn't a passive ability like Spider-Sense. He has to manually activate it each time he wants to use it.
Boomstick: And don't forget that Mettaton was designed specifically to kill humans by the world's second greatest inventor, and that he's fought far stronger humans than Kaz before, like near-genocide Frisk, and won, in numerous RESETs. Wait, How on Earth does Kaz win?
Wiz: That's easy. What is Mettaton?
Boomstick: A ghost in a machine. Why?
Wiz: And what do Kaz's powers do?
Boomstick: Kill things that possess things... oh. Okay, I get it.
Wiz: It doesn't matter how many advantages Mettaton has. If Kaz can get even one good, square hit in on Mettaton's core, he wins.
Boomstick: Mettaton had every advantage, but Kaz was just prepared to win in exactly the right way. How shocking.
Wiz: The winner is Kaz Kaan.
Kaz: Win, lose... we'll all be equal in the grave.
Boomstick: What a f*cking weirdo.
Comparison[]
- Strength: Mettaton > Kaz
- Intelligence: Mettaton = Kaz
- Speed: Mettaton > Kaz
- Durability: Mettaton > Kaz
- Versatility: Kaz > Mettaton
- Experience: Kaz > Mettaton
- Mettaton is way stronger, faster and better at fighting, but he's specifically weak to Kaz's powers