The Ultimate Perfection | |
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Season | N/A |
Season Episode | N/A |
Air date | TBA |
Written by | Duragoji123 |
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Composite Kars VS Composite Cell is Duragoji123's first off-season episode. It features every appearance of Kars fighting against every appearance of Cell in a battle of the two most popular perfect animanga beings.
Description[]
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure VS Dragon Ball! Perfection. It is something many strive to achieve, yet so often we get hit with the cold, hard truth of reality that such a thing is not possible. But these two throw that logic straight out of the window! Who wins in the battle between these two pinnacles of physicality?
Interlude[]
(Cue Wiz & Boomstick)
Wiz: What inhabits the minds of the gods? Is it endless knowledge, sovereignty, ultimate power, or perhaps even all three? Regardless, whatever the answer it is, there is only word to describe it: perfect.
Boomstick: And, if you ask me, I'd say these two arrogant assholes are probably the absolute of unparalleled might!
Wiz: Kars, the immortal ruler of the Pillar Men and Ultimate Life Form from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.
Boomstick: And Cell, Dragon Ball's Bio-Android obsessed with perfection.
Wiz: Both of them have had a multitude of appearances over the years, and they've obtained many feats from those appearances.
Boomstick: So, we'll be analyzing absolutely everything these guys have graced with their (un)holy presence. Makes the fight more fair. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who will win a DEATH BATTLE!
Kars: Just What the Hell is Up With JoJo Lore!?!?[]
(Cue From the Dark Abyss)
Wiz: The year is 1880, and the world is just about as normal as you would expect it to be. Though, unbeknownst to everyone, a menace was lurking in the shadows.
Boomstick: A blond-haired little shit known as Dio Brando! He had a troubled childhood, but after a whole lot of planning and sheer dumb luck from his abusive father, he found himself journeying straight to the estate of one of the richest families in all of England: the Joestar's.
Wiz: In a plot to take over the Joestar fortune for his own, Dio attempted to completely ruin the life of the righteous inheritor of the bloodline, Jonathan Joestar.
Boomstick: But you can just call him JoJo. And JoJo actually managed to put a stop to Dio's plans, at least temporarily. But that's when we got introduced to the Stone Mask!
Wiz: By donning this strange mask, Dio's limiters on his own body were released, in turn allowing him to preform superhuman feats and survive wounds he normally shouldn't be able to. Dio had thrown away his humanity, he had become a monster... a vampire.
Boomstick: Luckily for the world though, alongside his buds Will A. Zeppeli and best waifu Robert E. O. Speedwagon, Jonathan Joestar managed to come out on top after learning a special sun martial art called Hamon!
Wiz: But wait, let's rewind things a bit.
(*The screen rewinds backwards, stopping on a strange village.*)
(Cue Ancientry)
Wiz: 100,000 years ago, an ancient race of beings seemingly ruled the earth. They practically had everything, but one person among their ranks desired more.
Boomstick: Y'see, despite basically having everything they could ever possibly want, these "Pillar Men" couldn't go into the sunlight, otherwise they'd be burnt to a crisp. This one man, both revered and feared among the Pillar Men as a genius, decided to free his people from their restrictions like some sort of proto-Hitler.
Wiz: This man's name was... Kars.
Boomstick: Pfffftttt, heheh, yeah, Kars. Wiz we've had characters with some dumb names on the show, but I think this one probably takes the piss from just how random it is.
Wiz: Chronologically-confusing names aside, Kars was able to put his genius intellect to use to create a Stone Mask which removed the limitations of humanoid life once exposed to light.
Boomstick: And what better way to test it out than to use it on yourself? Which is exactly what Kars did! However, putting on the mask didn't quite work the way it was intended. He still wasn't immune to the sun, and his bloodlust was heightened.
Wiz: Kars had to constantly slaughter other organisms and drink their blood to remain alive, and was promptly hated by his people.
Boomstick: Enraged that they pretty much rejected the further evolution of their race, the grape-haired Vogue model attempted to further convince them to REJECT INCEL! EMBRACE THE SUN! Sad to say though, this earned him a good ol' pounding from the other Pillar Men. And I don't mean in the good way.
Wiz: Engaged in a fight with his own people, Kars was forced to slay them all or be slain himself. However, it wasn't like he didn't have any help though. There was one person in his society who listen to his scientific ramblings: Esidesi.
Boomstick: Help in numbers is always neat, but personally I prefer help as a more... destructive means. Which Kars definitely has! He's got these pretty sweet limb blades that can like, extend out from his arms and legs? Is he like Wolverine? He licks them too... egghhh...
Wiz: These 'Light Blades' are a technique Kars possibly inherited from the initial activation of the Stone Mask, which unlocked his body's limiters in the same way it did Dio's. Circling around the blades are a bunch of tiny shark teeth-like claws, which can cut through almost anything and reflect light to blind others, hence the name.
Boomstick: Speaking of the Stone Mask, it makes its users extra-durable and have some pretty crazy regeneration! A lesser vampire, Straizo, was able to pull himself back together after being blown to bits by grenades, and Dio's even survived being bisected!
Wiz: The Pillar Men actually have far superior levels of regeneration than vampires do, bordering on flat-out immortality. They can survive as just a nervous system and possess other bodies, or even regenerate after being reduced to ash. This extends to even being able to control individual parts of their body and contort them in unrealistic ways, feeling no pain from the process at all.
(Cue Awake)
Boomstick: Kars, being the genius he was, wasn't going to let these broken powers go to waste! So, he and Esidesi teamed up to conquer the sun, and took with them two infant Pillar Men who were spared from their rampage.
Wiz: Wamuu and Santana, the two young boys in question, proved to be a very valuable asset. As they traveled the world, Kars, Esidesi, and the other two surviving Pillar Men kept testing out the Stone Masks by turning other people into vampires, very similar to what Dio would go on to do with the Stand arrows tens of thousands of years later, and using them as a food source. It was in this research that Kars discovered something that would forever change the way he approached things.
Boomstick: The Red Stone of Aja! This ruby-colored not-ruby is a rock which can harness the power of the sun, and blast it out in a concentrated beam of light. It was apparently the key Kars needed to unlock the full potential of life itself, and finally conquer the sun. Y'know, 'cuz I guess you build immunity to something by exposing yourself to it, like a vaccine!
Wiz: Though, it wouldn't be easy, because he had to face down the likes of Hamon users. Yes, the same martial art that had defeated Dio all those years later would be used against the one who started it all in the first place.
Boomstick: And Kars didn't like this one bit, so he and the other Pillar Men were forced to hibernate under the ground, until eventually being freed many millennia later.
Wiz: But even this did not make Kars go rusty, for as soon as they awoke, they were already in the heat of battle again with the next generation of Hamon users: Joseph Joestar and Caesar Zeppeli.
Boomstick: Yup, turns out good ol' JoJo had gotten together with his childhood sweetheart Erina after the whole Dio situation and... FUCKING DIED ON HIS WEDDING NIGHT! But, before he did, the two did their thing and... out popped a baby: George Joestar II, otherwise known as Joseph's father.
Wiz: This new JoJo and the next Zeppeli were admirable opponents, but they were far outclassed by the likes of Kars and the other Pillar Men. This is impressive, as Joseph earlier defeated Santana, the youngest of the four Pillar Men, who is already superior to Part 1 Dio.
Boomstick: Y'know, the same guy who could split apart clouds with his pressurized eye-fluids!? Heh, you know I'm never getting over that, Wiz.
Wiz: This also means he'd be far faster than Dio and Jonathan as well, especially when Dio took over JoJo's body.
Boomstick: And this was the same body who could keep up with Jotaro Kujo and Star Platinum, who scales to Silver Chariot who once moved at 225 times the speed of light! Hell, even Kars himself was capable of reacting to light beams when facing down against Joseph Joestar and... Nazi soldiers?
(Cue Avalon)
Wiz: That's JoJo's for you. Well, anyways, when facing down JoJo and Stroheim, the leader of said Nazis, Kars finally used the Red Stone of Aja to transform himself to finally get rid of his weakness to sunlight. In the process, the leader of the Pillar Men emerged as the 'perfect thing', the definitive organism: the Ultimate Life Form.
Boomstick: And if you thought Kars was crazy powerful before, just wait 'till you hear what this thing can do! He can sprout wings to make himself fly, or turn the feathers of those wings into armadillo shells. He also got access to Hamon as well, with his power being so potent that it was compared to the sun itself!
Wiz: Not just that, but as the Ultimate Life Form, Kars is basically one with nature. He cannot tire, and he's basically fully immortal at this point. Even dipping him in lava and letting him vaporize is not enough to kill him. Kars' senses are also massively enhanced, with his vision being compared to a space telescope and his hearing can detect multiple frequencies; additionally, he can sense and feel the direction of heat with his horn.
Boomstick: Basically, if there's any form of life on the planet you can think of, Kars can replicate it; in his own words, "The ultimate being embodies the powers of each and every living thing." Even when that means producing murder-squirrels! Damn, I knew those bastards were secretly evil this whole time! Uh, so how exactly did he even get stopped if he has all this power?
Wiz: Well, Kars is pretty arrogant, and despite being able to survive in the vacuum of space... he can't exactly function there either. Which is how Joseph defeated him, by exploding a volcano and pelting him up to space with rocks.
Boomstick: So, sheer dumb luck, gotcha.
Wiz: Floating through space, Kars had no way to get back to Earth. No matter what he tried, nothing he did worked. Though he wished for death, he was unable to die. So eventually, he stopped thinking...
(Cue Avalon [Ultimate Version])
Boomstick: At leaaassssssssttt... that's how it went in the original universe. Strap in, 'cuz here's where things get crazy! Welcome to the world of the official fanfiction of the JoJo universe, JORGE JOESTAR!
Wiz: Ultimate Kars was, to say the least, immortal. So much so that even the universe ending around him had no affect on his body. Every time the universe would be destroyed and reset, Kars kept being defeated by Joseph; though, unbeknownst to everyone else, an army of Kars were gathering on Mars.
Boomstick: In the 37th universe, these Kars had finally decided they'd try and make it back to Earth, and they jumped at the chance when an astronaut by the name of... Funnier Valentine, ok... made his presence known. Funnier made a deal with all 37 Kars, saying that if they did not eat Americans, he'd work out a plan to get them all down to the planet.
Wiz: However, this plan would have some... undesirable consequences. The ship had stowaways, which broke out into a confrontation which resulted in the deaths of Funnier and his crew.
Boomstick: Luckily for Kars though, he managed to get away by boarding at just the right time. With the 36 other Kars also on-board, the Ultimate Life Form returned to Earth with the two stowaways - gangster Narancia Ghirga and private detective Joji Joestar - both of whom were trying to track down the leader of Passione. So, what better way to get along with his new pals than CRASHING THE SPACESHIP DIRECTLY INTO BRITAIN AND FLIPPING IT OVER!? That'd be an energy worth over 2 petatons of TNT!
Wiz: In his adventures with the two younger protagonists, Kars picked up many more useful abilities. First of all, his abilities as the Ultimate Life Form were further expanded upon, now being able to see things like ghosts, spirits, and even Stands. He can harm Stands too, despite not being a Stand user... yet. We'll get to that.
Boomstick: Dude's now an absolute genius in martial arts, and with his several universal lifetimes of time to think to himself and experiment, he's an absolute supergenius in other fields too! I mean, he can fully grasp and understand complex concepts such as Heaven, the Multiverse, and Stands just seconds after hearing about them.
Wiz: His knowledge of every living thing is further enhanced to the extreme, now he's capable of completely analyzing the limitations of all living organisms. But none of this compares to perhaps his most frightening ability...
Boomstick: His status as the Ultimate Life Form means he's connected to all living things... therefore he is everyone... and has the potential to have every Stand. Which is exactly what he did!
(Cue Dragon Castle)
Wiz: These 'Ultimate Stands', as Kars calls them, vary widely in power and utility, and he's capable of commanding multiple Stands at the same time.
Boomstick: His first Stand was U-Boat Ultimate, this sweet submarine Stand that was initially owned by Narancia. Hey wait... didn't Narancia own Aerosmith in canon?
Wiz: Yes, but this is the J-Universe, where things like that don't typically matter. Think of it as a completely separate space-time, like how Steel Ball Run and onwards is disconnected from Parts 1-6.
Boomstick: Oh... ohhhhhh... this is going to get confusing real fast then, huh? Well, U-Boat Ultimate has the ability to "sink" into surfaces, whether they be solid or liquid, and fire out some small missiles which can cause some nifty explosions. It also has the ability to combine with or split into multiple variants of itself, growing or shrinking in both power and size.
Wiz: Kars also has the ability to control and manipulate the very ground around him with his next Ultimate Stand, Dune Ultimate. Although mostly used on sandy surfaces, he can also use this to control other materials as well. He can use this to create sandstorms and sand pillars 300x200 meters, described as being dozens of times more durable than normal buildings, like some sort of eldritch Earth Bender.
Boomstick: He also has his own version of Funny Valentine's D4C, appropriately named Ultimate D4C. While we don't know how potent its ability is compared to the original D4C, it should be at least comparable, as Kars was able to transport himself and others into alternate universes, though he needs to be in between two objects to activate it.
(Cue Funny Valentine Fan-Made Theme)
Wiz: By making two of the exact same objects, or specifically people, from alternate universes make contact, Kars can cause them to turn into Menger Sponges. See, Menger Sponges are very interesting; they are fractal curves, a 3-dimensional generalization of 1- and 2-dimensional objects. They break down infinitely, and thus will never stop being destroyed. You cannot take a finite amount away from infinity, so it results in-
Boomstick: What Wiz is trying to say with all of his nerdy math talk, is that it basically negates both you and your parallel world selves out of existence, no matter how infinite you are. You'll be stuck in a never-ending loop of constant deconstruction.
Wiz: You're no fun...
Boomstick: That isn't what I would call "fun" to our viewers, Wiz... Well anyways! Kars can also use Ultimate D4C to bring in alternate versions of himself from parallel worlds. It's worth noting that Kars is not affected by his own reality erasure ability, so he can interact with his alternate selves just fine, and so can they with him.
Wiz: These alternate Kars range from ones who have all killed United States President Funny Valentine, to one where Dio defeated and became the Ultimate Life Form himself, and even a... dancing one?
Boomstick: I bet that guy's just absolutely amazing at parties. Though, Kars can also summon in parallel versions of himself who possess ZA WARUDO!
Wiz: The World Ultimate is a Stand which is an evolution to the already powerful The World. It was able to exchange blows with the faster-than-light Star Platinum and even toss around oil tankers like it was nothing, and The World Ultimate is even stronger than it.
Boomstick: Though it's main ability is when the user belts out the iconic Stand shout, and time completely stops around them!
Wiz: Though the main universe's DIO got this time stop up to eleven seconds, The World Ultimate has the capacity to stop time for an entire hour. It isn't even in a localized range either, because it affects the entire universe's time acceleration.
Boomstick: Though, to be fair, it's not like Kars even needs to stop time! 'Cuz when he fought Dio Brando of the J-Universe, who had become an Ultimate Life Form just like him, he held his own!
(Cue Overdrive)
Wiz: This is impressive, as after a whole bunch of time shenanigans, this 'Ultimate Dio' eventually came into a conflict with his own son, Giorno Giovanna. Furthermore, in this fight, he actually managed to completely defeat the evolution of Giorno's Stand, Gold Experience Requiem.
Boomstick: Y'know, GER, the same Stand who can move and think when time is completely non-existent!? The thing who can cause you to constantly relive your death over and over in alternate universes? Yeah, that Gold Experience Requiem. Hell, GER even locked Dio in Return to Zero, which can nullify your will to zero and even works in cut-away time, and Dio still moved around just fine!
Wiz: Due to this, Dio's, and therefore Kars', speed cannot be expressed as a variable. Since the speed equation, S=D/T, lacks that signature 'T' variable, this means both of the Ultimate Life Forms can move at incalculable speeds. Additionally, Dio tried to travel back in time and kill Kars in the past, but this didn't translate over into the present, meaning Kars is disconnected from the bounds of cause-and-effect.
Boomstick: This gets even worse when you realize Kars' other Stands in his kit, like Whitesnake Ultimate. Similar to the main universe's Whitesnake, it can take out DISCs from people's body. These 'DISCs' contain the target's memories and even the expression of their fighting spirit itself, Stands.
Wiz: Through Whitesnake UItimate's ability, Kars can steal memories and Stands, and even insert them into himself to gain knowledge and more powers. However, he can also give you the DISCs, just... hope they don't contain copies of his Ultimate Stands, otherwise you'll just explode.
Boomstick: Kars is just too awesome for you; time to go home broski. But heck, Kars doesn't even need Whitesnake Ultimate to steal spirits, 'cuz he can just absorb souls into his body without the aid of Stands! This is how he merged all of the other 36 Kars into himself, meaning that he has multiple souls inside of his body.
Wiz: This means that even if you destroy his soul, Kars will still have another 36 staring back at you, and he will keep fighting. Perhaps most insane though, is that Kars is such a smooth-talker that when facing down Yoshikage Kira, he convinced Killer Queen to turn against its master.
Boomstick: Yup, that's right kids! Kars is such a good speaker that he can make someone's very own spirit bound by their will turn against them! Guess that proto-Hitler joke earlier wasn't for nothin' after all...
Wiz: With Killer Queen, once Kars touches something, it will explode. It's a fairly simple ability when looking at the outside, but it gets much more crazy the more you look into it. Like how Kars can use its "Bites the Dust" ability to completely eviscerate the universe, destroying it 35 times over to get back to the original universe.
Boomstick: Though, speaking of time, Kars' most powerful Stand is actually one that can manipulate that as well. By evolving Whitesnake Ultimate to its next evolution, C-MOON Ultimate Requiem, Kars can control the gravity within a certain area, even capable of turning objects within its range inside out and aging them up rapidly.
Wiz: Though, eventually after enough time, C-MOON Ultimate Requiem will transform into its final evolution and possibly one of the most powerful Stands in all of JoJo's: Made in Heaven Ultimate Requiem.
Boomstick: This thing is terrifying! Similar to the original Made in Heaven, it can accelerate the time of the universe so rapidly that eventually reaches infinity. This affects any and all things, as long as they are non-living with the exception of Kars himself. This means Kars' speed will constantly increase while Made in Heaven Ultimate Requiem is active, eventually reaching infinitely faster than he already is. Which is... insanely fucking broken when you think about it, 'cuz his speed's already incalculable!
Wiz: Though, unlike the original Made in Heaven, with its three heads with speedometers plastered straight onto their forehead, Made in Heaven Ultimate Requiem can accelerate time far, far faster than its main counterpart. It's capable of looping through 37 universes in a short amount of time, with planets, stars, and galaxies constantly flying past the sky. It can also focus its Time Acceleration onto a singular entity, making them move even faster inside the acceleration.
Boomstick: Additionally, MIHUR's whole schtick is achieving the perfect heaven. This means that, in the new universe, everyone will be able to see their fate ahead of time, although be unable to change it. The exception to this rule, of course, is Kars himself, as he can maneuver outside of Fate and Destiny itself. With all this power, you'd think he'd be absolutely unstoppable! How did he even get defeated in this universe?
(Cue Sekibetsu)
Wiz: That's the thing: he didn't need to. You see, all that time spinning around in the endless void of space, on a red planet with no life other than himself and... himself(ves)... Kars had a lot of time to think. In his thoughts, he finally realized that humanity was beautiful, and something to be admired.
Boomstick: Through his confrontations with his alternate selves, this new epiphany was further pushed when an alternate self convinced him that life was still going to be a mystery, even with the power of the Ultimate Life Form.
Wiz: Which is why, despite his dreams of turning Joseph Joestar into a vampire for his humiliating defeat all those eons ago, he instead decided to spare him, instead taking his ancestor under his wing (both literally and metaphorically) to save not only humanity, but the entire universe, from the true antagonist to the family who had spawned Kars' own worst enemy... no, his only salvation.
Boomstick: Damn... that's some deep shit for a buff as hell symbol of male modeling.
Wiz: But make no mistake... for Kars is still out there. And if you threaten the world which he rules, he will hunt you down, he will find you, and simply... there's no worse fate than being subjected to a cruel death from the Ultimate Being.
Kars: It seems I, Kars, am the only one left... but only one can stand at the top!