Description[]
DC vs. Marvel. Season 9 premiere. A sense of humor is the worst thing for a demented killer to have.
Introduction[]
Wiz: Insanity is often viewed as a debilitating weakness, crippling one in both mind and later body.
Boomstick: But when in the hands, or well, brain, of someone who swings into it, it can become a deadly asset.
Wiz: Like with the Joker, DC's Clown Prince of Crime.
Boomstick: And with Deadpool, Marvel's Merc with a Mouth. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Joker[]
Wiz: The city of Gotham is home to not only the legendary Batman but also an entire population of super-criminals. They range from super-powered monsters to simple monsters in human clothing.
Boomstick: And whilst many of them are easy to identify, certainly more than those who need a google, there is one who's infamy stands above all the rest.
Wiz: He's the Jester of Genocide, the Harlequin of Hate, the Clown Prince of Crime; the Joker.
- Background
- Age: 40s
- Height: 6'5
- Archenemy of Batman
- Altered by falling into chemicals
- Once cut his own face off
- Scared of the IRS
Boomstick: Joker is pretty much the exact opposite of the Batman whom he trades innumerable battles with. Batman is grim and serious, Joker is elated and lax. Batman refuses to kill, Joker does so with relish. We've seen Batman's parents offed so many times it's become a tradition, whilst Joker's backstory is always pretty varying.
Wiz: Some say he was a mob boss, others that he was a desperate husband and some that he was just a figurehead for a certain Red Hood Gang. Each story though always has one unifying element; with him falling into a vat of hazardous chemicals, turning his skin white and his hair green.
Boomstick: Whoever he used to be was pretty much gone and in his place was a man who wanted to make the world laugh along to the sick joke he now knew life was.
Wiz: And thus Gotham and its caped crusader came to be plagued by the brilliant madness of the Joker. And I say brilliant because, in spite of his clear insanity, the Joker is one of the most cunning minds in the DC universe.
- Abilities and Skills
- Skilled fighter
- Genius-level intellect
- High pain tolerance
- Resistance to most poisons
- Master of disguise
- Healing factor
Boomstick: After all, he's been able to manipulate and predict the actions of the goddamn Batman. You know, who's raw intelligence is only outranked by the hyper-intelligent Lex Luthor.
Wiz: The Joker has come up with many plans that play with the minds of others and was able to create many different strains of toxins with all sorts of effects. Which, by the way, he's immune to with a degree thanks to repeated exposure.
Boomstick: And in spite of being as thin as a rake, the Joker is scarily good at fighting.
Wiz: His styles are reminiscent of drunken boxing and dance-fighting, which lend themselves to just how unpredictable he can be.
Boomstick: I'm pretty sure he's way better at fighting than that. After all, he's tangled with Batman plenty of times and that guy knows every martial art there is. So it's a good thing that he has a high pain tolerance. Not even a Batarang in the eye stops him from powering on.
Wiz: And, surprisingly, one of the Joker's incarnations even has a healing factor.
?: Balderdash!
Boomstick: Wait, who was that?
Wiz: I have a feeling we'll find out soon. Anyways, the whole healing factor thing was determined by a scientist, naming the cause of it the 'healing stitch'. It genetically regresses a cell so that it can become something new. Thus, a healing factor.
Boomstick: You know, considering the Joker's crazy survivability, this makes more sense than it should. And what's a clown without his tricks?
Wiz: Well, I would say unfunny, but there's hardly anything funny about how the Joker uses them.
- Arsenal
- Firearms
- Long-barrel pistol
- Tommy gun
- Joker Venom
- Joy buzzer
- Explosives
- Razor playing cards
- Acid spitting flower
- Jester cane sword
- Firearms
Boomstick: Oh really? Then why, pray tell, do so many people laugh when he sprays his toxic gas in their faces?
Wiz: Because that's what the gas is meant to do. And it isn't simple laughing gas, it's Joker Venom. Once someone gets a whiff of it, it causes uncontrollable laughter in the victim so intense, they suffocate to death. All whilst contorting their faces into a hideous grin.
Boomstick: Ooh, that is nasty. And it's far from the only tool Joker has on hand. He wields several guns, his favorites being a long-barreled pistol and tommy gun. Oh, and he's got explosives.
Wiz: Like some that take the form of wind-up toys which can scuttle up to an opponent before going off in their face. The Joker also wields an acid spitting flower, razor-edged throwing cards, a sword concealed in a cane but even without an actual weapon at hand, Joker can turn anything into a deadly asset.
Boomstick: Like a pen for example, or even the metal flower broach he wears for style. A much better fashion choice than the time he had his own face cut off for...I dunno, chuckles?
Wiz: A psychological bit of warfare I'd presume. All part of his goal to be Batman's life-long scourge.
Boomstick: He's left a sizeable wound in the life of the Bat, having been responsible for the downfalls of his closest allies. Like when he crippled Barbara Gorgon and ended her career as Bat-Girl until technology restored her ability to walk, but most hauntingly, when he killed the second Robin, Jason Todd.
- Feats
- Infected Gotham with a Jokerizing gas
- Beat Ra's in chess
- Endured after several Batarangs were embedded into him
- Killed 12 League of Shadow assassins
- Survived numerous falls and explosions
- Formulated the downfall of the Batman Who Laughs
- Defeated Jason Todd, Batman, Wonder Woman, Zatanna
Wiz: The level of infamy that Joker has achieved is well earned. In fact, when other criminals want to scare each other, they tell Joker stories.
Boomstick: Even Lex Luthor, the man who can stare down god-level aliens and maintain a poker face, sweats in terror when the Joker gets up in his grill.
Wiz: Speaking of god-level aliens, the Joker's venom can be so toxic that it can send the likes of Superman or Wonder Woman reeling from a single puff.
Boomstick: He's survived being kicked down a giant chimney billowing smoke, being in a helicopter that fell down from a skyscraper and lot's more stuff like that. Although in all honesty, dying doesn't really scare the Joker.
Wiz: More importantly, it won't if Batman is the one to do him it. It's all a game you see; if Batman breaks and kills the Joker, breaking his one rule in the process, then the Joker wins.
Boomstick: And in the event that was an Endgame before Avengers Endgame, Batman and Joker shared the fate of being buried in a collapsing cave as the Joker's scheme to turn all of Gotham into Joker clones came to a nearly non-achieved end. And whilst thanks to reboots that wasn't the end of it, we don't exactly complain.
Wiz: The Joker has a lot of things but invincibility is not one of them.
Boomstick: He has died a lot, sometimes as part of his plans, sometimes not. And is still physically a normal human.
Wiz: But when the day comes that you will fall victim to the Joker, you won't scream or cry; you'll laugh.
Deadpool[]
Wiz: It was one Wade Wilson's ambition to become the next biggest superhero there was, like most of our dreams at life. But the best he could manage was work as a mercenary after a skint in the military.
Boomstick: Hey, it wasn't all bad. He was even able to get engaged. Until life gave him the biggest middle finger you could imagine; cancer.
- Background
- Real Name: Wade Wilson
- Height: 6'2
- Nationality: Canadian
- Rival and foil to Wolverine
- Favorite food; chimichangas
- Created as a parody of Deathstroke
Wiz: To the worst degree you could imagine. Wade was afflicted with over 30 inoperable tumors and it led him to give up all hope.
Boomstick: At least until he got the opportunity to be part of experiments that would give him superhuman abilities, and possibly the chance to save his life.
Wiz: But, surprise, surprise, it was nothing but evil. The project did give Wade a superpower, but what he wasn't told was that he was now nothing more than a lab rat, his new superpower enabling him to be cut open over and over again.
Boomstick: One of the drawbacks of having a healing factor. That, and I'm pretty sure, the inability to get drunk. But Wade wasn't going to just sit back and get spliced up. First chance he got, he staged a breakout, trashing the whole complex in the process.
Wiz: And now he had the power to be what he always wanted; a superhero, taking up the moniker Greatest Sex Machine ever.
Boomstick: Wait, what?
Wiz: Uh, I think my notes have been tampered with. It's meant to say...
Deadpool: DEADPOOL!
Wiz:...oh.
Boomstick: Typical.
Deadpool: Yeah, it's me! Old little me! And let me say, it's about time! You two, I dunno, clones or copycats or whatever, have already done ten full seasons and I haven't been featured until now! You had some zombie cat lady before me!
Wiz: Oh calm down, we got to you eventually.
Deadpool: Yeah, and it's against a guy who simps for a guy who dresses like a giant rodent.
Wiz: Hey, don't start complaining about that. Or else we'll have you return against Strife from Darksiders.
Deadpool:...you wouldn't.
Wiz: No? We have the TN all ready and waiting. Just you try us.
Deadpool:...I'll be good.
Boomstick: That's better, because now we can discuss your powers.
Wiz: As we've already said, Deadpool possess a healing factor and it is truly extraordinary even amongst others.
- Abilities and Powers
- Healing factor
- Superhuman physique
- Skilled assassin
- Deadly with any weapon
- Mind control resistant
- Martial arts skills
- 4th wall awareness
Boomstick: Pretty much any injury he receives short of complete disintegration, Deadpool can heal from. He can come back from having his head destroyed, regenerate from nothing but a hand and his healing factor allows him to resist several different kinds of things.
Wiz: Poisons and even mind control aren't effective against him, though the latter is also kind of due to his numerous personalities all trapped in his head. But they haven't diminished his skills. Like his incredibly proficient lifestyle in assassination.
Boomstick: He knows how to fight up close with all sorts of martial arts and is a master of just about any weapon.
Deadpool: And weapons I indeed possess! I got swords, guns...come on, get that list up here.
- Weapons
- Twin katanas
- Guns
- Grenades
- Teleportation belt
- Holographic image inducer
- Disintegrator gun
- Universal acid
- Wrist gauntlets
Deadpool: There we go. Anyways, swords, guns and all kinds of kabloomey stuff, I've got them all.
Wiz: And some more unorthodox tools. Like a teleportation belt or even a device for creating holographic body doubles. But more more weirdly, he basically has a sort of toon-force on his side in the form of a magic satchel.
Boomstick: He can pull anything out of there, so long as it's a weapon.
Deadpool: Or my chimichangas. Oh and don't forget my universal acid, disintegration gun, the continuity gem or my-.
Wiz: Hold your horses there Wade, because you don't technically possess some weapons, at least not part of your standard arsenal.
Deadpool: Hey, you'd better not be downplaying me!
Wiz: Well, technically you gave the Continuity Gem to the writers for safe-keeping and your Carbonadium sword was technically owned by your alternate version, Dreadpool.
Deadpool: Oh yeah. Hey, I just remembered I defeated that guy!
Boomstick: Yes you did and since that clearly establishes you both as separate characters, we can't technically composite you two. Still, don't feel down, you've already had a run-in with pretty much every character in the Marvel universe.
- Feats
- Fought off a team of ninjas
- Dodged lightning
- Caught Captain America's shield
- Regenerated from nothing but a hand
- Won Death's favor
- Withstood a massive explosion
- Defeated Taskmaster, Wolverine, Carnage
Deadpool: Like my bud and occasional shipped-partner Spider-Man and the unwitting donor of my healing factor Wolverine.
Boomstick: You've managed to catch the shield of Captain America, which can be thrown hard enough to slice through a tank and dodged lightning from a mutant.
Wiz: And in spite of your clear mental deficiencies, you can be fairly cunning when you want to be. After all, during your run-ins with the symbiotic sociopath Carnage, you were able to freak him out because you could someone find a method in his madness, mentally backing him into a corner and willing incarcerating himself until he could figure out how to be unpredictable again.
Boomstick: Speaking of unpredictable, Deadpool is able to fight so erratically that not even Taskmaster, who has the power to copy the skills of whoever he observes fighting, was able to figure out his fighting style.
Deadpool: That's right, and with my healing factor letting me get back up from anything, I'm pretty much broken!
Wiz: Well, you would think so, but there are several drawbacks to yourself. For example, a healing factor is only good at healing damage done to the body, so if someone can find a way to, say, suffocate you, you're finished.
Boomstick: Plus, you lost out on actual immortality.
Deadpool: Oh please. I was only given that because old Thanos was jealous I got to smooch Death herself. And it's not like I needed immortality to be who I am; I'm the Regenerative Degenerate, the Merc with the Mouth, the Self-Aware Extraordinaire. I am Deadpool bitches!
Wiz: And a colossal pain in our butts.
Deadpool: That's what she said.
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
The Battle[]
Setting: Inside of a movie theater
Dozens of movie goers sat in their seats, lifeless and with horrifying grins on their faces. Up on the stage, Joker was crunching down popcorn.
Joker: You lot should have gone to the lobby.
He finished off the popcorn and tossed away the bucket, turning to leave. The double doors to the theater bursting open made him turn back around to see an irate Deadpool standing there.
Deadpool: You! You just ruined any chances of my movie making it past the one-hundred and thirty-three million dollar marker!
Joker: Well, it was to be expected. After, Fox only made it after being badgered by annoying fans.
Deadpool: I'll have you know that the Synder Cut was created through badgering from annoying fans.
Joker: Well I didn't think it was very accurate. After all, a lot weren't very snide at all.
Deadpool:...Are we going to fight or just keep exchanging barbs about movies?
Joker: Eh, I could go either way.
FIGHT!
Deadpool: Well, the red letters have a dissenting opinion. Let's go!
He pulled out dual Uzi guns just as Joker whipped out his Tommy Gun. Bullets flew from both guns as their owners opened fire with them. Whilst Deadpool got hit by a direct volley, the Joker rolled to avoid the bullets coming at him, before taking a knee to continue firing at Deadpool. More bullets hit the mutant but they holes they made were instantly closed up along with the others thanks to his healing factor.
Joker: Huh. That's queer.
His surprise didn't stop him from standing back up to continue shooting at Deadpool, who dove behind the back end of the theater chairs, letting them get peppered by the bullets.
Joker: Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Deadpool poked his head up from behind the chairs.
Deadpool: You now that doesn't actually work ri-
A bullet went straight through his skull, throwing him backwards to the ground. Joker cackled as the hole in Deadpool's forehead healed up.
Deadpool: Okay, I brought that on myself.
Still lying on his back, he dropped his guns and drew out his two katanas.
Deadpool: But you also brought this on yourself.
He suddenly vanished in a blip of light thanks to his Teleportation Belt and appeared above Joker in the air, who looked up in surprise to see the mercenary bearing down at him with his katanas. The Joker dodged to the side to avoid the slashes, bringing his Tommy Gun around to try and shoot Deadpool, only for the latter to turn about, slashing out with his katana to slice through the barrel and ammo wheel. Joker was forced to drop away the useless gun and lean from the second slash Deadpool dealt out with his second katana aimed at his throat. He then has to practically suck in his gut and lean back as far as he could to avoid Deadpool's stab before ducking beneath a swipe and then curving his back around another stab. He then had to quickly maneuver himself around that blade, spinning away to avoid it as it was then repurposed from a stab to a slash.
Deadpool: You sure you're not Pennywise, cause you sure can dance clown.
He crossed his katanas in front of his face menacingly before charging forwards and slashing them out in a reverse-x attack. A sharp bang blew them both apart before they fully uncrossed, leaving Deadpool with their stubs. He looked at them in surprise and just as he looked back up, a hole was blown through his torso. Joker laughed manically as he held his smoking long-barreled handgun. Deadpool groaned and sat up best he could as the hole closed up.
Joker: You know, you remind me a lot of a certain grumpy-grump grouch.
The clown pulled out from behind him a cane, advancing on Deadpool with both it and his gun.
Joker: He healed fast as well.
Deadpool looked up in time for Joker to wind up the cane and swing its ornate top into his face, sending him sliding across the ground to slam against the wall. It was powerful enough to render Deadpool completely dizzy and helpless to Joker pumping him full of holes with his pistol. Soon as the pistol clicked empty, Joker turned his chin up and turned away, only for Deadpool to teleport him front of him.
Deadpool: Oh believe me, I can heal faster.
Joker suddenly felt white hot pain in his side as Deadpool rammed a conjured up knife into his side but after a mere grunt of pain, he simply looked down at it, back up at Deadpool and laughed straight into his face. Deadpool was actually taken aback by this and Joker brought his cane about to hold it against the back of Deadpool's arm and yanked it out, the ornament catching the elbow and snapping it. Deadpool cursed and pulled backwards, the knife coming out of Joker's side in the process and Joker was free to whack Deadpool about the head with it. In spite of the blows rained down on him though, Deadpool was able to catch a coherent though and duck beneath the latest swipe. He jerked his body out so that his still broken arm whipped out loosely and slapped Joker across the face. As the Clown Prince of Crime was stunned, Deadpool's arm healed and with a flick of his hand a new katana was in it. A couple swings from the sword left shallow gashes on the Joker's chest and he stumbled backwards. Deadpool took a stance, poising his katana by his face and facing forwards before stabbing it out at the Joker, whose hand shot out to grasp his flower. From it, a stream of acid shot out, slashing on and melting not just the length of the katana but also Deadpool's own hand. The mercenary yowled in pain and turned about to clutch at his burning hand and the Joker took advantage of this; drawing the sword hidden in his cane, he bounded forwards and stabbed it through Deadpool's back. In spite of being skewered however, Deadpool was able to snap his head backwards and smash Joker's nose with the back of it. Joker was briefly stunned and Deadpool reached over himself, grabbed him by the collar and tossed him over him. Joker crashed onto the ground but was quick to counterattack, spinning around and kicking Deadpool in the chin, made possible due to his lower of himself during the flip. Deadpool spun into the strike however and came back around brandishing his wrist-mounted gun, aiming it squarely at Joker's face. The clown ducked beneath the blast that came out of his and grabbed a hold of Deadpool's clentched fist with the hand that had his joybuzzer equipped.
Instantly, electricity coursed through Deadpool's body and he began to smoke.
Deadpool: Y-Y-Y-Y-O-O-O-O-U-U-U-U-U-D-D-O-O-O-N-N-N-T-T-S-H-A-A-A-K-E-A-A-A-A-A-FI-I-I-I-S-S-T-T-T-B-U-M-P-P-P-P!
Eventually, the electricity worked its way into Deadpool's wrist-gun, resulting in a small blast that propelled the two away from each other, with Deadpool going straight through the screen itself. Joker picked himself back up and pulled out two knives, holding them ready as he went through the screen's hole.
Joker: Come on out. I mean really, darkness doesn't mesh well with red.
There came a sudden yell and Deadpool launched himself from the thickest part of the darkness, swinging down yet another katana, which Joker jumped away from.
Joker: My word kiddo, where are you keeping all those?
Deadpool: Here and there. Anyone who says that they're kept in my arms is a liar!
The two charged at each other and started slashing out with their respective bladed weapons, sending out sparks. Deadpool flashed the katana down and Joker caught it with both of his knives before kicking Deadpool in the gut to send him reeling away. When Joker reversed his grip on both knives and stabbed them down at Deadpool, the latter was able to angle his katana up so that both knife points got caught on its face. With a burst of strength, the mutant pushed against the blade and sent Joker stumbling back to crash against a series of selves containing film reels. He was able to duck in time to avoid Deadpool's slash and grabbed the end of the self, tipping it over as he moved to the side and sending it smashing down onto Deadpool. The mercenary popped himself out from amongst the wreckage, film reels wrapped all around him.
This was something Joker was all too happy to take advantage off, grabbing a hold of both ends of a certain reel and pulling them in opposite directions, garroting Deadpool with the corresponding reel. Deadpool gagged and his vision swam as Joker leered down at him with a massive smirk.
Deadpool: Nuh-uh...ain't going down like this.
He reached behind him and pulled out a grenade, pulling out the pin with a flick of his thumb, which Joker noticed.
Joker: Oh dearie me, whatever will I do? Maybe this!
He pulled out a pair of teeth with a ticking bomb wedged between them.
Deadpool: Wait, how's that meant to make any difference? Who's writing this sh-
The explosion that followed from both explosives blew a massive hole out the back of the movie theater, sending the two of them, bloodied and battered, out into the parking area. Joker started to get back to his feet, when a shadow fell over him and he looked up to see Deadpool aiming a massive rocket launcher directly at his face.
Deadpool: Well this has been fun but no punch line can linger too much.
He tightened his finger on the trigger when;
Joker: You aren't going to end it like this are you?
Deadpool: S'cuse me?
Joker: I mean, blowing away a person in one guy with an oversized peashooter? Taking the easy way out?
Deadpool: You'd better have a point to this?
Joker: I'm saying we should settle this mano-e-X-Mano. No guns, no weapons, just good old fisticuffs. I know for a fact you want to as well. You have that look in your eye. What you do you say?
Deadpool observed Joker for a moment.
Deadpool: Funny thing is, I know you're playing me. But you're right.
Deadpool tossed away the missile launcher and stepped back to let Joker get to his feet.
Joker: I appreciate the charity bud.
Deadpool: Eh, it'll be no issue. In fact, you have have the first blow.
Joker: Oh! Christmas has come early this year!
The Joker shook himself, loosening himself up and winded up a punch. With a yell, he threw his whole weight into the strike, which headed straight towards the calm Deadpool's face.
Before abruptly stopping short of hitting him. Deadpool blinked in surprise and was about to voice his confusion before Joker opened his hand and a burst of Joker Venom came out straight into Deadpool's face. He recoiled, spitting and gasping whilst clutching his face, and Joker began to laugh.
Deadpool: You...hah-hah...think this is funny...heh-heh-ha?!
Joker laughed even harder leaning back as he did.
Deadpool: You-hah-hah-ahah think-ha this is funny!? It's not ah-ha as funny...
He suddenly stopped laughing and straightened up, planting his hands on his hips.
Deadpool: As your face.
It was Joker's turn to stop laughing now, his face frozen as he blinked.
Joker: Oh dear.
Acting quickly, he drew out another knife and jabbed it at Deadpool, who caught his wrist. Using the hold, he made the Joker turn around and kicked him in the back of the legs, forcing him onto his knees. Still holding onto Joker's knife bearing hand, Deadpool angled it in front of Joker's face before planting his foot on the Clown's back. With a push of his leg, Deadpool forced Joker towards the knife, and his mouth got split open all the way to the spine. The shock killed Joker instantly and his body collapsed onto the ground.
Deadpool: Yeah! Like in Upgrade bitch!
KO!
Outcome[]
Boomstick: Dude, you should have said "Let's put a smile on that face."
Deadpool: Damn it you're right!
Wiz: Both Joker and Deadpool were incredibly deadly and persistent fighters, both capable of taking tremendous amounts of punishment. The difference here though was that Deadpool could actually afford to take the most punishment thanks to his ludicrous healing factor. Even though one incarnation of the Joker had a regenerative ability of his own, it was nowhere near as effective and wouldn't be able to bring him back from being eviscerated.
Boomstick: Or blown up or shot through the head. And ultimately, Joker didn't have anything that could keep Deadpool down for a temporary victory. Although there was one thing that could logically keep Deadpool down; the Joker Venom.
Deadpool: Ugh, don't bring that stuff up. I can still taste the stuff.
Wiz: You see, the way Joker Venom works is that it causes suffocation in those afflicted due to the constant laughing preventing them from taking a breath. With such a weapon, Joker could have worked around Deadpool's healing factor. If it weren't for the fact that Deadpool's healing factor lets him resist toxins and poisons. Especially those that cause breathing problems.
Boomstick: And it's not like Joker would be able to constantly use it. He may have mastered methods in madness but Deadpool is so unpredictable, not even he himself can understand what he's doing half the time. This, at the very least, would let him match Joker's mad fighting style.
Wiz: And when it came to Deadpool's own arsenal, his magical satchel ability ensured he could outlasted Joker in the weapon's department. Dangerous the Clown Prince of Crime may have been but the Merc with the Mouth had the better healing factor, erratic nature and deeper weapons stock.
Boomstick: He just couldn't Pool it together.
Wiz: The winner is Deadpool.
Deadpool: Yeah boy! Bring on the next time!
Next Time[]
Generals of war
With many armed arms
Trivia[]
- Connections: Both are psychotic murderers well known for their twisted senses of humor and impressive survival records. Both also contrast more serious heroes (Batman and Wolverine). In addition, both are incredibly popular comic book characters.
- Animation Style: 3D.
- OST Idea: 'Deadly Jokes', based on both combatants names.