Description[]
John Wick vs John McClane, a battle between John's which John will outdo the other?, will Baba Yaga finish the loudmouth NY Cop or will McClane yippee ki yah his way to victory?.
Intro[]
Redshock: Sadly, Superheroes and Superpowers don't exist, and when you want to do good and help the innocent, you have to pick up a gun and start shooting bad guys.
Mortician: Maybe don’t actually do that unless you serve in the Military or Police Force, like our two combatants today.
Redshock: John Wick, The Boogeyman seeking Vengeance
Mortician: And John McClane, New York’s Finest Officer from Die Hard.
John Wick[]
Mortician: John Wick was born under the name Jardani Jovanovich, and was a Ruska Roma orphan from Belarus before being taken in by the Director. The Director brought him to the United States, and under her tutelage, Jardani developed martial art skills and basic training.
Redshock: Jardani would change his name to John Wick and left the Ruska Roma for undisclosed reasons. He would serve in the United States Marine Corps, as evidenced by his tattoos.
Mortician: After leaving the Marine Corps, John put his skills to use as a professional hitman, joining the Continental, a hotel catering exclusively to criminals. Gaining a reputation for his efficiency, making him highly respected and feared within the criminal underworld.
Redshock: But John would change career paths as he fell in love with a woman named Helen and she was dying of an untreatable illness. John would talk to his boss, Viggo Tarasov and would allow John to retire if he completed an impossible task of killing all of his rivals.
Mortician: But as much as a badass John is, he completed his mission and would retire from the hitman life so he can spend time with his dying wife.
Redshock: When Helen died, John was in a bad headspace, but to try and help him, his wife gave him a puppy named Daisy so John wouldn’t feel lonely, awww, don’t get too attached.
Mortician: John would get into a kerfuffle with Viggo’s son who tried to buy John’s mustang, but after declining he followed John to his home, attacked him, killed his dog, and stole his car. Man this guy’s life sucks.
Redshock: But Viggo’s kid made a huge mistake not knowing who John Wick was, John would go back to his hitman day’s to get revenge and get his car back.
Mortician: John is a master Martial Artist knowing pretty much all forms of Martial Arts but from what we’ve seen in the movies, John commonly uses a combination of Japanese Jiu-Jitsu, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Standing Judo, and Tactical 3-Gun. And is skilled in Knife Fighting and Throwing Knives.
Redshock: John is so skilled in Martial Arts he can take on hordes of Assassins, Thugs, even a Sumo Wrestler.
Mortician: John Wick has the largest arsenal of weapons either of us has seen, for Handguns he carries a Glock 26, 17, and 34. Heckler and Koch P30L, a Kimber Warrior, and a Suppressed Smith & Wesson 1911 E-Series. He also carries a custom Coharie Arms CA-415 assault rifle, TR-1 Ultralight sniper rifle, and a Benelli M4 Super 90.
Redshock: John is also known for killing people with random objects like a book, a horse, and even a fucking pencil!.
Mortician: Whenever John gets shot he always wears a bulletproof overshirt that is tough enough to take handgun bullets and a bulletproof vest for extra measure.
Redshock: And despite being a regular man in his 50’s John is super durable, he can survive getting hit by cars and casually gets up, survive an explosion that destroyed his house, multiple gunshots and knife stabs, and survived a 20ft drop in a nightclub, you can’t just do that unless you're a badass.
Mortician: But while being the Baba Yaga, John isn’t the immortal badass you think he is, remember he is still a mortal man without any superpowers so a simple bullet to the head could kill him easily, his bulletproof vest and shirt has a limit to how much it can take, and John can be taken down by getting ambushed or getting sneak attacked.
Redshock: But really, this just proves that John Wick is someone to be feared; when you hear the name Baba Yaga.
John: “So you can either hand over your son or you can die screaming alongside him!”
John McClane[]
Mortician: The 1980’s was what some people say “the best decade on Earth”. From popular musicians like Madonna and Micheal Jackson to famous movies like Back to the Future and the arguable Christmas movie classic, Die Hard.
Redshock: And starring Die Hard is none other than Bruce Willis aka Lieutenant John McClane.
Mortician: John was a cop from New York City’s Police Force. John is what you would say a “difficult” person. He got separated from his wife Holly after she took a job in LA while John stayed in New York.
Redshock: He would visit her in LA on Christmas Eve in 1988, but unfortunately European Terrorists led by future Harry Potter Star, Hans Gruber were staging a massive heist of Nakatomi Plaza.
Mortician: When John McClane isn't dealing with his fragile relationships with his family, he spends his time being a big pain in the ass for a lot of criminals. For having such a Dad Bod, John is pretty strong, he once survived falling a 100 feet off of Nakatomi Plaza while bungee jumping with a fire hose without a harness.
Redshock: He is also a decent fighter, having beaten multiple criminals and terrorists who seemed to be Martial Arts Experts and are physically bigger and stronger than John.
Mortician: And he’s pretty freaking durable too, he has survived falling down stairs, getting shot on multiple occasions, can break through walls with his bare hands, etc.
Redshock: Many people may not know this, he isn’t a thoughtless rogue cop, he’s actually really smart. He uses his years of experience being a detective to gather all the information he can about the enemy threat, taking their names, positions and rankings. This leads him to being able to stay a step ahead of the likes of Hans Gruber and keep up with the omnipresent existence of foes who kept a wide array of awareness on John's every move.
Mortician: When John can’t fight fists with guns, he brings his own. John carries a standard police issue Beretta 92FS, It can fire reliably over 35,000 rounds before the slide stops working properly on average. It had been dropped numerous times, fired many times, dragged through water, got a grimy back, and taped to his back. And has the most kill’s John used out of any weapon besides his fists.
Redshock: But John is also familiar with other weapons due to his time being a cop like a SIG-Saur P220R and H&K MP5A3 and uses them with quick mastery.
Mortician: While John seems like a Miracle Cop, he isn’t. He is known to be a bit of a hard-head, never admitting that he was wrong when he is. Also, his years of smoking played on his health, making him less capable than what he could be although he stopped sometime after the events of Die Hard with a Vengeance
Redshock: John McClane may be personally flawed, but there is no doubt in what he is capable of. He may be the wrong guy at the wrong place at the wrong time, but that is only just the story of his life. If you stand in his way of protecting his family or the public, don't bother trying to kill him and surrender. Chances are he'll take you down with a small laugh and his famous one-liner.
Hans “Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?”
John McClane: “Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.”
Death Battle[]
Pre Fight[]
John McClane had been following up on a case in New York that led to a Hotel, he meets the front desk man and he says “Good Morning, how may I be of service”. John flashes his badge to him and says “I’m looking for a guy, name’s Wick, John Wick, I hear he stays here from time to time”. He smirks and says “yes, Mr Wick is one of our regulars here, what do you want with him Officer”. McClane was ready to snap a quick one-liner, when John Wick passed by him and headed down the bar, looking sweaty and covered in blood.
McClane had his hand on his concealed Beretta in his belt holster and followed Wick, he caught him to the bar where he was drinking a whiskey and talking to a slightly older man in the corner of the bar. McClane sat next to Wick with his Beretta pointing into his ribs and said “hello gentleman, wonderful weather we’re having today”. The slightly older man who sat across from Wick and McClane said “Lieutenant John McClane, next to finally meet you, what are you doing here in my fine establishment”. Wick was stunned that McClane got the jump on him, but he had a knife in his belt ready to strike.
John Wick says “do you know where you even are, cop, you have no jurisdiction here, I’m sure your people know about it”. McClane finished Wick’s Whiskey and said “I don’t care, I’ve been looking for you for weeks, after the countless bodies I found in Brooklyn, you tell me about your Russian Contacts, and I’ll leave no blood spill”.
The older gentlemen spoke up “gentlemen I’d be advised that whatever choice you make next will change the outcome of the…”. McClane was getting tired of all the talking, he pistol whipped Winston. Wick had his hand on his knife and said “look pal, I can’t do that, they definitely didn’t tell you about spilling blood on Continental grounds and for that you're lucky to be crawling out of here alive”. McClane chuckled “I don’t care, I’m all by myself. I’m here for you, and you only, I’ll let you leave if you give me information on Viggo Tarasov and the Russian Mob”.
John looked at John and said “I don’t work for Viggo anymore, and besides, I’m not telling you jackshit”.
FIGHT![]
John brings his knife out and drives it towards McClane. He quickly dodged it as the knife lodged itself into the booth and Wick headbutts John, knocking him off the booth. Wick then throws the whiskey glass at McClane, but quickly dodges it and opens fire on Wick with his Beretta, Wick quickly reacts and jumps over the bar. Everyone in the Continental runs away leaving the bar empty for Wick and McClane to fight.
John grabs his Glock 17 from his holster and pops up from behind the bar and shoots 3 rounds at McClane. They all missed except for one that grazed McClane’s shoulder. The two had a shootout with McClane hiding behind a table he knocked over.
Wick quickly jumped over the bar and kicked McClane when he was ready to open fire on Wick. McClane starts punching and jabbing until Wick blocks his fists and kicks him away. They both tried to fire at each other but they both ran out of ammo. They throw their guns away and Wick grabs a pencil from the bar while McClane breaks a beer bottle on a table.
Wick quickly strikes McClane with the pencil, poking holes in McClane’s arm and chest. But McClane managed to knock the pencil out of Wick’s hand and slashed with his bottle cutting Wick’s left cheek leaving a couple bloody scratches.
Wick get’s back up and kicks the bottle out of McClane’s hand. Their attacks keep clashing until Wick manages to punch McClane in the stomach then knees him in the face. While Wick ran away, McClane grabbed a H&K MP5A3 from behind the bar and chased after Wick.
The chase ended with John outside of the Continental with his Ford Mustang parked out front. He quickly gets in and tries to start his car, until McClane opens fire on Wick, Wick quickly gets out of his car and hides behind it as McClane unloaded the entire clip from his submachine gun. Once he was out John takes out his own combat knife and jumps and slides on the hood of his car and starts to slash at McClane.
McClane managed to dodge Wick’s knife strikes and when he grabbed Wick’s hand with teh knife, he managed to get him in a chokehold and held the knife to Wick’s throat. Wick reverse headbutts McClane and judo throws him onto the ground. John runs to his car and opens the trunk to grab his Benelli M4.
But as soon as he does, McClane tackles John and begins to hit him in the face in a ground and pound position. John grabs his arm and gets him in an armbar and break’s McClane’s shoulder. Wick let go as McClane screamed and cursed as he stood up and grabbed John’s knife he left on teh ground and rushed him. Wick kick’s his legs from underneath him. Get on top of McClane with the knife inching towards McClane’s throat, Wick smack his forearm with his other hand constantly stabbing McClane in the throat until the knife went completely through John’s throat, and McClane was gurgling blood, John lays down next to the dead New York cop with his dog resting on his stomach as John rubs his dog’s head.
KO!
Results[]
Mortician: OH THAT WAS SICK!!!
Redshock: It really was, both John and John were pretty even based on Intelligence, Experience, and Durability. But we had to look in the finer details to pick a winner.
Mortician: While McClane is your regular New York Detective with 30 years experience under his belt. Wick is a high class Hitman who was in the United States Marine Corps and has fought guy's on the same level or even more skillful and experienced as the guy's McClane deals with.
Redshock: Plus, Wick has a better Arsenal with McClane having a couple handguns and a Submachine Gun, Wick has a full blown arsenal and can use pretty much anything as a weapon to his advantage, like a FUCKING PENCIL!
Mortician: With Wick's better Arsenal, Experince against Stronger Foes, and his Military Training allowed him to beat the Cowboy.
Redshock: You can say John McClane just...um...damn it, I had something for this!
Mortician: Thank God for no puns, the winner is John Wick.
Trivia/Connections[]
Trivia[]
- The Track Name for the DeathBattle is called "Boogieman Christmas".
- The Track Art is Two Guns crossed together in front of a Christmas tree
- The DeathBattle combatants are in 3D realistic art form similar style of Obi-Wan Kenobi vs Kakashi Hatake.
- An alternate battle would've been John Wick vs John Rambo but the battle was decided last minute by Redshock to be John McClane as a better combatant to Wick.
Connections[]
- Both are Action Heroes named John
- Both have had connections to Police/Military (McClane works for the NYPD and LAPD, Wick was a Marine)
- Both have had to fight terrorists and criminals
- Both had lived in New York (Wick lived in Long Island, McClane lived in Brooklyn).
- Both are played by the best action stars of each other's decade (Keanu Reeves and Bruce Willis)
- Despite one being a Professional Hitman the other a Cop, both have been in grey areas of morality (Wick had quit the Hitman lifestyle to settle down, McClane is usually a rebel and will do no matter what to stop anybody who gets in his way).
- Despite both being technically Americans, the actors are not (Reeves was born in Lebanon and Willis was born in Germany).