DESCRIPTION[]
Guns, knives and more. The deadliest assassins are the ones who leaves their mark on history.
INTRO[]
Wiz: Sometimes the deadliest assassin are the ones who leave their mark on their victims, weather that be for revenge, or for money.
Boomstick: Like Deathstroke, the terminator of DC Comics.
Wiz: And John Wick, the man who wanted revenge for his dog.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
THERE IS NO PRICE FOR WHAT JOHN WICK DOES TO DEATH BATTLE[]
AgentHoxton
Wiz: If you ask the Russian Mafia, or what's left of them: Who was the greatest hitman to have work for you, the answer would most likely be John Wick.
Boomstick: John isn't the guy you believe the Boogeyman to be, you sent John TO FUCKING KILL THE BOOGEYMAN.
Wiz: John's backstory for the most part is unknown, except for the part most of us are familiar with.
Boomstick: Let's talk about his guns!
Wiz: No. I meant his backstory.
Boomstick: I thought we did.
Wiz: Let's get on with it. John Wick lived a life of danger. He was a hitman taking out the enemies of the Russian Mafia and he got paid for every kill. It was a hard job, but then something changed him. He had gotten married.
Boomstick: But why are we in a Rom-com for some reason?
Wiz: Just let the story unfold. After a while, John's wife had gotten sick and was fatally ill. Knowning that this could be her last days, John wanted one thing of the Russian Mafia: He wanted to get out of the criminal life so he could tend to his wife.
Boomstick: But much like other people, Johnny boy faced the baddest of all tragedies: His wife died, left him alone and gave him a dog to remind him of better days and to be happy.
Wiz: John was depressed, but what drew him to be the action icon we know today was one that caused him to basically declare war on the Russian Mafia. The son of the head of the Russian Mafia--
Boomstick: Say that 3 times fast.
Wiz: stole his car,
Boomstick: Who cares?
Wiz: and his dog.
Boomstick: SON OF A-- BITCH!! John! KILL THEM ALL!!!
Wiz: John went off and killed the Russian Mafia, with his large assortment of weapons.
Boomstick He went off and killed those motherfuckers with:
- A Glock 26 handgun with 9x19 rounds,
- Heckler and Koch P3OL handgun,
- Coharie Arms CA-415 assult rifle with 5.56x45 mm NATO rounds with an EOTech553 Holographic sight, vertical grip and shortened barrel,
- A Glock 17 handgun,
- A Glock 34 handgun,
- A Kimber Warrior Handgun,
- A suppressed Smith & Wesson SW1911SC "E-Series,"
- A Taren Tactical Innovations TR-1 Ultralight rifle with a 1-6x24 Trijicon Accupoint scope and compensator,
- A Benelli M4 Super 90 with 12 gauge shells,
- A bulletproof overshirt,
- A Fucking book and pencil.
My god, is this mercenary Jesus or something?!
Wiz: No, John is still a human being. He's just experienced in his field of work.
Boomstick: Yeah, a field OF DEAD FUCKING BODIES.
Wiz: But he's not invincible.
Boomstick: No, he's a regular human being, his body armor is pretty limited and can be overwhelmed by other opponents better than him.
Wiz: True, but he does have good skills such as:
- The ability to fight off a sumo wrestler,
- Can track someone down easily,
- Has incredible reaction time to when someone is about to shoot at him
- And is fast enought to shoot up a room full of people.
John even knows every form of hand to hand combat known to man.
Boomstick: This guy is so badass, he scares the cops! He's like Batman. But more badass.
Wiz: John Wick has also:
- Killed three men in a bar with a pencil,
- Survived the destruction of his own home,
- Has been hit by cars and survived easily,
- Slaughtered the Russian Mafia,
- Survived a 20 foot fall
- and even killed a sumo wrestler.
Boomstick: He's such a fucking badass, I can't wait to see the fourth and fifth movies just to see more of his badassery.
Wiz: I think we all are.
Boomstick: At least it ain't those lame as hell Matrix movies.
Wiz: The fourth Matrix comes out in 2021. 
Boomstick: SON OF A--
DEATH BATTLE WILL BE HAUNTED BY DEATHSTROKE[]
Wiz: In our society, we tend to fight against each other with bigger and better weapons.
Boomstick: That's how you get to be a hardened badass like me!
Wiz: The military would throw you out because of how much beer you consume.
Boomstick: Those guys ain't men. Real men drink beer and don't use guns. We use fists.
Wiz: Unless you're Slade Wilson, one of the greatest soldiers in the United States military.
Boomstick: He's one of the biggest badasses in the world. After he was picked out for a truth serium resistance... serium, all Hell broke loose.
Wiz: Slade had suddenly developed an extreme healing factor due to the serium and thus left the military to become one of the world's greatest mercs.
Boomstick: Slade was no longer the military hero he was known for, he was the greatest killer in the DC Universe, he was the ORIGINAL Terminator... He was Deathstroke.
Wiz: With his new healing abilities, Slade armed himself with all the weapons he could use including:
- A promethium sword,
- Dual machine guns,
- Sniper rifle,
- A super bomb that keeps Superman away,
- Grapple guns,
- Dozens of explosives ranging from grenades to smoke bombs
- And a suit composed out of Nth metal that enhances his speed and strength.
Boomstick: Holy shit. That's all of his weapons?!
Wiz: Well, he also uses a sniper rifle and an Energy Lance.
Boomstick: I thought he would have more weapons, or some shit.
Wiz: He does have incredible reaction times 9 times faster than normal human beings. Not to mention that healing factor from earlier and he's also a master in boxing, jiujitsu, karate, ninjitsu, sword fighting and battle strategy.
Boomstick: Don't forget, Slade is way older than he looks. Whatever the hell they pumped him up with also makes him age slower.
Wiz: That is true. Also, in his time in the military has made Slade in peak physical condition and has heightened his pain tolerance.
Boomstick: He's also twisted metal with his bare hands, lift 2,000 pounds, run up to 60 miles per hour, enhanced senses and has increased stamina. How the hell is he this tough?!
Wiz: Plenty of exercise, eats his vegetables etc.
Boomstick: Shut the hell up.
Wiz: Slade is a ruthless killing machine, even known for fighting children and has once shot one of them in the knees.
Boomstick: Slade has also done some other badass shit like:
- Surviving an exploding nuclear submarine,
- Took hits from Wonder Woman and Superboy,
- Dodged shots from Deadshot,
- Evaded FUCKING SUPERMAN,
- Passed the Legion of Doom entrance exam,
- Held his own against Lobo,
- Fought a room full of ninjas without armor or weapons,
- Moved at a Millisecond,
- Fought Deadshot for FIVE FUCKING DAYS,
- Survived a small nuclear explosion,
- And does MOTHERFUCKING INFINITE PUSH UPS.
Fuck it, Wiz. I'm going to beat that.
Wiz: You can't. That's impossible.
Boomstick: Fuck you Wiz. One! Two! Three!
Robin vs. Deathstroke - Teen Titans- The Judas Contract
Wiz: While Boomstick makes a fool of himself, let's talk about Deathstroke's weaknesses. The first obviously: He's a mortal. Scars can't harm him, but he can be decapitated. If he loses an organ, it will take him aleast a week to regain them.
Boomstick: He's been defeated by a bunch of dumbass teenagers and can't regrow eyes... Eighty seven, Eighty eight...
Wiz: And when he in extreme pain, he would enter an animal like state.
Boomstick: But Slade is a goddamn merc. He'll kill anyone and will kick their asses in the most badass way.
PRE-BATTLE[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possiblities.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
DEATH BATTLE[]
(A group of drug dealers pull up into a warehouse in a black car. Two of them exit the car and see a silhouetted figure. They approach the figure, only to never to be seen again. A third member goes to look for the other two. But after five minutes, the member comes back screaming, covered in blood and cuts over his body. When he gets to the car, he explodes, blood spraying everywhere. The leader of the drug dealers tries to run away, only to get shot in the legs by a certain hitman. Wick walks behind the drug leader who pulls out a phone.)
Drug leader: You.. you told me, you'd kill him!!
(Wick takes his phone and listens.)
???: I said I would draw him out. You were the bait. Did you get that Mr. Wick?
FIGHT!!!
(John looks to the only window and dodges a sniper shot. Slade is shown to be in a sniper position two buildings away at an construction site. John sneaks around and throws the phone to tests Slade's perimeter. Slade doesn't see Wick. He looks for about thirty seconds until he suddenly feels a bullet pass over his head. Wick is on the warehouse roof and is shooting at Slade. Wick finds a rocket launcher and fires at the crane above Slade. He sees the crane begin to fall over and grapples on to a girder a short distance away from the falling metal disaster. The crane falls over and crashes on top of the other side of the warehouse where John Wick aims the rocket launcher. Slade jumps off the girder and lands on the crashing crane, running over to the warehouse. Wick pulls out a machine gun and gets ready for the arrival of his opponent. Slade jumps off the falling crane and lands 30 feet towards John Wick. Deathstroke pulls out his bo staff and John lifts up the machine gun. He fires but Deathstroke uses the bo staff and dodges the gunfire. Pulling out a handgun, he fires at John who takes shelter behind an air vent on the roof. Pulling out a grenade, John throws it at Deathstroke who uses his bo staff as a baseball bat and strikes the grenade back at John. He jumps out of the way of the grenade and unloads a full clip on Deathstroke. A couple of bullets hit Deathstroke in the shoulder and his thigh. The bullet holes heal up, he cracks his neck and pulls out another gun. John charges at him and unloads two more clips on Deathstroke.)
Wick: What the hell are you?
Deathstroke: Your worst nightmare, Mr. Wick.
(John and Deathstroke both face each other and point their guns at the other man's head.)
Deathstroke: But you look more like an Anderson to me.
(John then grabs Deathstroke's gun and points his own gun at Deathstroke's head and tries fires twice but the bullets deflected off of his mask. Slade headbutts John and goes to shot him, but John gets a shot off that lands in Deathstroke's knee. He tries to fire at John again and manages to shoot him in the shoulder. Pulling out the bo-staff, Deathstroke knocks John's feet out from underneath him. Crashing on the ground, John picks up an assault rifle and fires at Deathstroke and starts putting bullet holes in his chest. Unfortunately, John's gun didn't put any holes into Slade's chest, but just parts of his arms and part of his legs. Slowly, Deathstroke's wounds heal up and he pulls out the promethium sword as John pulls out a pencil and a book. Deathstroke laughed at him almost to the point of crying. The two of them charged at each other, Deathstroke swinging the sword and John jumping to prevent himself from getting sliced like a rack of lamb. Deathstroke then knocks John's leg out from under him again and goes to slice John with the sword. Using the book, John caught the blade of the sword and used his hand gun to shoot the blade off. Pulling out a smoke grenade, Deathstroke creates a distraction and hides from John. Meanwhile, John tries to use the smoke as a distraction against Deathstroke but then he gets punched by his opponents in the smoke. Looking for the pencil, John doesn't find it. He was about to go grab his gun, but John feels a blade stab him in the chest, as Deathstroke lifts him up and impales him. Deathstroke drops him and pulls out the pencil he stole from John minutes earlier and stabbed him in the head with said pencil.)
Deathstroke: Die by the sword? No. You died by pencil. How pathetic.
(He grapples away.)
K.O.!!!
POST BATTLE[]
Boomstick: Goddamn it, why would this happen to Wick? Why did we get a fucking Matrix reference in this?!
Hipper
Wiz: John definitely did not have anything to top Deathstroke. While John did have more firepower, Deathstroke didn't need much firepower as he was able to fight Deadshot for five days!
Boomstick: Yeah and Deathstroke also's got that healing factor, so anything John used on him, he would just heal from it!
Wiz: And Deathstroke has fought beings such as Superman, the Justice League, Batman ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS and as we said, did INFINITE PUSH UPS. How could John live up to someone who had the strength to take hits from Superman or Batman?
Boomstick: Simple. He couldn't.
Wiz: The--
Boomstick: John had a good kill-streak, but he just got added to Slade's Deathstroke.
Wiz: The winner is Deathstroke.