John Carter VS Paul Atreides is a What-If? Death Battle written by DiAma1.
Note that this battle will focus primarily on the book versions of these characters, with information from movies and comics being additional.
Interlude[]
Wiz: John Carter, the Jeddak of Jeddaks, Dotar Sojat.
Boomstick: Paul Atreides, the Muad'dib, Kwisatz Haderach.
Wiz: These two are conquerors and warlords of planets and galaxies, leaders of armies and emperors who stand unopposed on their desert worlds. Unopposed, that is, until today.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's out job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win in a Death Battle!
John Carter of Mars[]
Wiz: John Carter was your typical Southern soldier after the end of the American Civil War. Down on his luck and with nothing but Confederate money which was now worthless, he traveled Westward in hopes of striking gold.
Boomstick: Only, things didn't go too well for him. After getting chased by a band of Apache warriors, he was cornered into a cave where he died. Or so he thought.
Wiz: As he drew his last breath, John appeared on Mars, or as it was known to the natives, Barsoom. It was a land at war, with the city-states of Helium and Zodanga fighting over the planet's resources, with the opportunistic Tharks fighting against both sides.
Boomstick: Thanks to Barsoom's low gravity, his earthly strength is multiplied several times! He can jump hundreds of yards and punch with enough force to kill a Thark in a single blow. He can snap chains like they're nothing, and swing around massive boulders with no effort at all.
Wiz: John Carter eventually used his power to defeat Zodanga, conquer the Tharks, and eventually become the leader of all of Barsoom, bringing peace to the once-war-torn planet.
Boomstick: Into battle he carries a Barsoom longsword, a weapon made of a metal alloy harder than steel. He also has access to the guns of Barsoom, like the Thark rifle, which can shoot accurately for hundreds miles, or the Radium Rifle, which shoots rounds that explode when they come in contact with sunlight. The explosion of radium has been compared to the force of an atomic bomb! And his aiming is incredible; he once shot a Thark between the eyes when they were running at full sprint... from several miles away!
Wiz: As for earth weapons, he carries a pair of colt revolvers, and a carbine rifle that has a range of 200 yards.
Boomstick: Did we mention that this guy is immortal? He hasn't aged a bit in hundreds of years, and has combat experience in every earth war from the US Civil War to Vietnam. He's a skilled tactician, marksman, and swordsman, capable of fighting entire armies by himself.
Wiz: He was able to kill White Apes with a single hit, and White Apes are feared across Barsoom for being giant and strong monsters. He later fought against an army of White Apes and Plantmen, and slaughtered thousands of them in the battle. He fought against eight Black Martians, which is something nobody on Barsoom had ever done before and survived.
Boomstick: John also has incredible stamina, and is able to row against the flow of a river for hours without making a sound or even looking tired, despite having not eaten or slept in a day. He also once tore through metal bars with his bare hands, and don't forget that Barsoomian metal is harder than steel.
Wiz: He killed twelve Yellow Martians with his bare hands faster than they could react, and it took fifty of them to stop his advancement. He then killed Salensus Oll, the most powerful warrior on Barsoom, in a single hit.
Boomstick: Jesus, call this guy Saitama because he keeps killing everyone in one punch! He's fast too, being able to casually block and dodge attacks from ray-guns, and able to move across rooms and kill people so fast that nobody can see him. Plus, he can read minds, because of course he can.
Wiz: His biggest skill, however, is that he has the power to close the power gap between a stronger opponent. If he's outclassed, he can grow in skill and power to be able to defeat them.
Boomstick: This guy is just too overpowered! How can anything beat him?
Wiz: Well, he isn't perfect. He's impatient and often reacts without thinking, and can be overwhelmed if caught off-guard. But otherwise, there are few who can stand in the way of the legendary John Carter of Mars.
John Carter: The Jeddak of Zodanga means to quash Helium this very night, and if Helium falls, so does Barsoom. We must throw out the thought of old hatreds. Tharks did not cause this, but by Issus, Tharks will end it! We ride for Zodanga!
Paul Atreides[]
Wiz: There was once a great war between humanity and intelligent machines, with humanity coming out victorious. In the absence of machines, humanity replaced machines with the human mind, cultivating humanity to heights never before imagined.
Boomstick: Some people became human-computers called Mentats, able to run massive calculations with their brains in an instant. Others became Navigators of the Spacing Guild, able to use their mind to perfectly predict travel through folded space, allowing faster-than-light ships to travel across the galaxy. And finally there were the Bene Gesserit, a cult of women with such a mastery over society and eugenics that they seem like magic, and can control people with just their voices and predict the future.
Wiz: All of this was possible due to a special spice called Melange, which was harvested from the planet Arrakis. Melange opened the mind, and allowed humanity to tap into their true potential. The Bene Gesserit used their potential to work for generations to create the ultimate life form, a Messiah who had such great power that he could be a Bene Gesserit, Mentat, and Navigator all at once. A being with a mind more powerful than any other in the universe. This chosen one was a boy named Paul Atreides.
Boomstick: After his family was lured to Arrakis by the Emperor in an attempt to kill them, Paul began to spend years among the native Fremen people, and Melange spice made its way into his system, allowing him to fulfil his destiny and become the one they all had been waiting for: the Lisan al-Gaib.
Wiz: His brain is incredibly powerful. It once took Paul three seconds to process a computation involving thousands of computational bits. He has the complete memory of his ancestors, and he can see across space and time to see infinite timelines and possibilities.
Boomstick: At the age of 15, Paul was an equal in combat to Gurney Halleck, one of the most deadly men in the universe. He is the best warrior among the Fremen, who are incredibly skilled warriors. He has killed Sardaukar, who are raised with the singular goal of combat. Needless to say, Paul is the strongest fighter known to humanity.
Wiz: He also has command over the Voice, a power that allows him to tell others what to do, and they have no power to resist. And with his shield generator, he is protected from all fast-moving attacks.
Boomstick: His main weapon is the Crysknife, made from the tooth of a Shai-Hulud, or a giant sandworm. Speaking of the sandworms, he can summon them and ride them! That's badass! These sandworms are capable of casually swallowing building-sized vehicles, and they can travel beneath the sand as if it were water. He also carries lasguns and rifles, perfect for killing foes from afar. And as a living supercomputer, you can bet that he never misses.
Wiz: Owing to his sight of the future and incredible computational abilities, Paul is a master tactician, and can see any move that an enemy might try to make.
Boomstick: He isn't perfect though. For one, he doesn't have very remarkable durability, and aside from his shield's protection, will die to anything that may kill a normal human.
Wiz: Even so, as God of the known universe, none would be wise to fight the man known as Muad'dib.
Paul Atreides: We Fremen have a saying: God created Arrakis to train the faithful. One cannot go against the word of God.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
The sun was rising over a desert planet, its light glimmering on the golden-red sand that stretched out for miles. The soft waves and dunes were only disturbed by a figure jumping across the landscape. This was Captain John Carter, Warlord of Mars, and he was searching for something. He had heard of a great warrior that had conquered many other planets was hiding out, and knew that he needed to eliminate the threat before it became a threat to his domain.
John Carter came across an outcrop of rocks where he stood to rest for a minute. Suddenly, from the rock's shadows behind him, he heard a slight noise. He didn't turn but put his hand on his hip where his pistol hung. The man behind him was the young Paul Atreides, Messiah of the Fremen. This was the warrior that Carter was searching for.
Quickly, Carter spun around and shot three shots from the hip, all of which hit directly where Paul's heart was, but bounced off harmlessly on account of his shield generator. Paul lunged forward with his Crysknife, meeting Carter's sword. They both swung quickly at each other, blocking and striking at their opponent's blade. Up, down, left, right, they kept swinging and predicting each other's move perfectly.
Suddenly, Paul got a vision. In the vision, Carter surprised him with a shot to the chest while they sparred with blades. While the bullet wasn't able to hurt Paul, it made him stagger enough to give the Captain a chance to stab him through the chest.
With this vision Paul was able to predict the shot, and dodged the bullet to the side, countering with a punch to Carter's jaw. John Carter staggered backwards but quickly recovered, reaching for his pistol and shooting Paul square in the head, but the bullet once again bounced harmlessly off. He realized that his gun would be useless against this foe, so he put it back in its holster and swung his sword once more. Paul ducked under the strike and sliced upwards with his knife, but Carter jumped backwards forty feet to dodge.
Paul was shocked to see a human jump like that, but quickly got over himself and pulled out a lasgun. He fired several shots forward with perfect accuracy, but Carter somehow managed to dodge them with incredible speed. He blitzed back forward and kicked Paul in the stomach, sending him reeling back grabbing his gut. Right then he brought his sword down and almost cut Paul's head off at the base, but was stopped by the Muad'dib opening his mouth and shouting a command.
"STOP!"
Paul's voice echoed, and Carter froze in place, as if his muscles refused to listen to him.
"DROP YOUR SWORD!"
The sword fell from Carter's hand to the ground harmlessly. Paul regained his composure and kicked Carter down to the ground where he laid panting.
Paul swung his Crysknife down, but Carter disappeared in front of his eyes, like a blur of color. When Paul looked up, all he saw was a fist slamming into his face. He was sent flying backwards into a stone behind him, shaking and cracking it. He got up slowly and opened his mouth again, but was interrupted by a right hook to the jaw that knocked him to the ground.
As Paul laid panting on the ground, he felt the sand beneath him in his fingers. He began to whisper something quietly.
"What was that, sir?", Carter asked in his Virginian accent.
Paul looked up and grinned, saying what he said again, but much louder.
"Shai-Hulud, come to me!"
Suddenly the ground beneath them began to shake, and the sand began to vibrate and bounce upwards. Knowing that something was coming, Carter jumped away and ran hundreds of feet away. He turned around and looked to see a massive worm erupt from the sand, a being of immense power worshipped as a god by the Fremen people. This was a Shai-Hulud, and it was over a mile and a half long.
The sandworm quickly closed the gap with Paul riding on its back, knocking Carter high into the air with sand flying in every direction. Carter landed on his back and the worm crashed down onto him once more, crushing him deep into the sand where he gasped for air. He climbed out of the sandy sea only for the worm to launch him once more, but this time he landed on his feet a hundred miles away. The sandworm turned and began swimming through the dunes at breakneck pace, but the Warlord of Mars calmly pulled a gun from off of his back. This was his radium gun, and he knew it was strong enough to kill the beast. He took aim, and fired a projectile deep into the gullet of the monster. After a few seconds, the worm erupted into a massive explosion, sand and goo flying everywhere away from an atomic mushroom cloud.
As the cloud cleared, Paul laid in the sand and saw Carter running up to him. Paul tried to activate his shield, but the generator had been destroyed in the explosion. Suddenly, he saw another vision of the future in which Carter stabbed him through the gut with ease with his second sword. Paul got up and made a plan to dodge to the side before kicking the Captain in the leg, knocking him down. Unbeknownst to Paul, however, Carter was reading his mind, and knew of Paul's plan. Carter anticipated the dodge and slashed downwards, sending a slash across Paul's Stillsuit, sending water and blood leaking into the dry sand. Paul gasped.
Grasping his chest with one arm and his Crysknife in the other, Paul looked at Carter's steely grey eyes.
"How?"
"Let's just say you aren't the only one with psychic powers, son."
Paul was suddenly overcome with worry. Was he fighting another trained by the Bene Gesserit? He lashed forward, but Carter predicted the move and blocked the attack with his sword. He then struck back, but Paul knew it was coming and dodged.
Paul suddenly realized that even though he could predict the Captain's every move, the Captain knew about it in advance. The only way to win the fight would be to do something... unexpected.
Paul jumped forward again, but this time feigned an attack. This caught Carter off-guard for just a second, allowing Paul to kick him down. Carter got up, however, and struck back, punching Paul with an uppercut to the chin. They both took a moment to breath, before Paul got one last vision. He looked through hundreds of timelines and saw only one way to defeat his enemy, but there was also only one way for his foe to defeat him. Carter read his mind, and they both knew what they needed to do.
Paul and Captain Carter both charged at each other, Carter remembering his days as a cavalryman in the Civil War. He let out a Confederate battle cry while Paul yelled out a Fremen war cry of his own. They slammed into each other, each stabbing the other through the chest. Like that they both stood for a moment before collapsing into the sand, blood seeping into the soil and dying it crimson.
As they both laid on the ground with a blade in their hearts, they stared at each other for a moment. No words needed to be said, as they understood each other's thoughts perfectly. Then, life drained from their bodies as they both passed on to the land of the Goddess.
DOUBLE KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Woah, a double KO! We haven't had a tie in ages!
Wiz: This battle was clearly extremely close. While Carter had far superior strength and speed, Paul had superior training and defense. And the sandworms weren't enough to turn the tide of battle because John Carter had a radium rifle which was easily capable of killing it. The battle ultimately came down to psychic abilities.
Boomstick: While Paul obviously had better psychic powers with his ability to see the future, Captain Carter's ability to read minds could negate any plans that Paul could make, making them both effectively unkillable. Paul could predict John, and John could predict Paul, making them able to defend against anything the other could do.
Wiz: In the end, this created an ultimate stalemate that could only be ended with both of them being defeated.
Boomstick: I, for one, found that battle out-sand-ing!
Wiz: That was bad, even for you.
Boomstic: Not a fan of my dry humor?
Wiz: Sigh. This battle was a draw.