Joel vs Negan is a What-If Death Battle by Kamehameha300.
| Joel vs Negan | |
|---|---|
| Season 3, Episode 1 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | N/A |
| Written by | Kamehameha300 |
| Directed by | Kamehameha300 |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
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Description[]
The Last of Us vs The Walking Dead! Today we have men who grew older, yet grew brutal and tough in the Zombie Apocalypse, and they use nothing but their skill and power to survive! Will the protector of Ellie live another day? Or is Lucille still thirsty for blood? Let's find out!
Interlude[]
(Cue Death Battle Theme Song)
Wiz: The Zombie Apocalypse can have many effects on a person, whether it would be insanity, depression, fear...
Boomstick: But these men grew old, yet tough in this era, slaughtering enemies with nothing but brute Strength...and Weapons.
Wiz: We have Joel Miller, The Man who wiped out the Fireflies...
Boomstick: And Negan Smith, the Nemesis of Rick Grimes. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their Weapons, Armor, and Skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Joel[]
(*Cue The Last of Us - Main Theme*)
Boomstick (With Old-Sounding Texas accent): The year was 1990...I think. It was never really made clear.
Wiz: Joel Miller had grown up in Texas with his brother Tommy, who he had a strong bond with. Years later, Joel had a daughter named Sarah, and they lived happily in a cute house in Austin. Life was good, until Joel's Birthday came.
Boomstick: Anyway, a little whatchamacallit spore called Cordyceps somehow managed to infect people, turning them into my Grandma Boomstick when Dad takes her Liquor away. AKA, people became aggressive killing machines!
Wiz: This event took place on Joel's birthday, with Tommy warning Joel as all hell breaks loose. Even then, it's still better than Boomstick's family birthdays.
Boomstick: Hey! Those prostitutes died on their own!
Wiz: During the attack, Joel is separated from Tommy and Sarah was killed by a Soldier. Joel was scarred forever, and his life would soon change forever.
Boomstick: As 20 years passed, Joel picked up skills on Shooting, Fighting, and Crafting, along with meeting a woman named Tess. They worked and fought together, probably banged a few times, and went on missions to take down common enemies in a Post-Pandemic World.
Wiz: A group called the Fireflies had been very famous around this time, and not in a good way. Many Soldiers and Fireflies have killed each other, confirming that they are indeed enemies. While trying to retrieve Weapons, Joel and Tess had met Marlene(Queen Firefly) and a 14 year old girl named Ellie.
Boomstick: Joel and Ellie weren't too friendly with each other, but were forced to stick together over time after Tess was bitten and shot dead by Soldiers. Joel then took a daughter-like relationship to the Potty-Mouth girl, and Joel has shown that protecting her and getting her to safety became his main priority. Heh Heh, I here sadistic shippers!
Wiz: Joel has performed many strength feats, which is impressive for his age. He can strangle enemies and break human bones with ease, as well as lift heavy debris for a short period of time. He can knock Trained soldiers, Bandits, and infected with a couple of punches.
Boomstick: This old badass can run pretty fast, and use his reflexes to hold his own in Combat. He is a pretty damn good brawler, but can also fight with melee weapons, like Bricks, Bottles, Baseball Bats and Pipes. And damn, those attacks look like they hurt!
Joel runs up and smashes a bat against a Bandit's face, before grabbing him.and knocking him out with a knee to the face.
Boomstick: Oh, fuck!
Wiz: Joel is a great sharpshooter, so he is exceptional with guns. His arsenal includes an erotic selection of guns! First there's the regular Pistol and Revolver, which can kill if aimed right but hardly kills an enemy with one shot. There's the El Diablo, which is basically a mini handheld Sniper Rifle, and a "Shorty" which is basically a mini shotgun. Then he has the larger selection of a Hunting Rifle,a Shotgun, A bow with arrows, and a Flamethrower. Along with the classic projectile weapons; bricks/bottles, nail bombs, smoke bombs, and a molotov. Joel can also heal himself with a Health Kit at hand. Unfortunately, ammo and supplements are limited, along with Projectile weapons usually only used once. He'll run out of ammo fast if rapid-fire close combat is a tactic.
Boomstick: Joel can also focus his hearing to track enemies though walls, based on the sounds they give off. Remind me to never masturbate or shit in a room near him.
Wiz: Trust me, no one wants you to do any of that. Anyway, Joel is only a slightly above average human. He may have performed impressive feats, such as taking down every single firefly, but easily goes down with a couple of hits or bullets to the body or head.
Boomstick: And no Joel death would be complete without that annoying sound that plays when he dies. It goes "EEEEEEEEEAAAAA!"
Wiz: You somehow made it sound worse.
Boomstick: Joel is still intelligent, since he was able to outsmart Enemies and Infected mt simply throwing projectiles. He was also able to trick Queen Firefly herself, which is impressive since it takes a lot of smarts to run a business like the Fireflies!
Wiz: Joel is a great Fighter, Shooter, and is also a pretty good dad. I bet you wouldn't know, right Boomstick?
Boomstick: HEY! Dad is coming back, he just needed some cigarettes!
Wiz: As long as you're alive, he isn't coming back.
Boomstick: YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Boomstick punches Wiz across the face, knocking him out cold
(*Cue The Last of Us - Death Sound*)
Joel: You're right. You're not my daughter...and I sure as hell ain't your dad.