Jil vs Kirito is a What-If? Death Battle by Gliscor Fan.
It features the protagonist, Jil, from Tower of Druaga, and the protagonist, Kirito, from Sword Art Online.
Description[]
Tower of Druaga vs SAO! Which of these overconfident, lucky video game protagonist will cease the other, the beater, or the tank?
Interlude[]
Parasoul: In the times of Towers, Dragons, Evil Santa Characters, and heavily Japanese RPGs, there are the protagonists. The cool, kind hearted, lovable characters we all know and love... and then there's these two.
Nisa: Successfully defeating their own towers, the Beater and the Tank go head-to-head to find out...
Parasoul: Nisa, not yet.
Nisa: IN ONE CORNER, THE BLACK SWORDSMAN OF SWORD ART ONLINE, KIRITO.
Parasoul: And then the character who's better than Kirito in every way, Jil.
Nisa: What? But Kirito stands for everything I believe in, Truth, Justice...girls in video games!
Parasoul: I don't think that qualifies as... anything. At all.
Nisa: You're just jealous because I've already claimed Kirito as my husbando.
Parasoul: I wouldn't touch Kirito with a 9 foot lightning rod unless it was actually affected by lightning. Anyway, I'm Parasoul and She's Nisa, and blah blah blah blah, let's do this shit.
Jil[]
Parasoul: 80 years in the past, the King Gilgamesh destroyed the Tower of Druaga single-handedly, but 80 years later, the tower was reborn anew. Now, during the “Summer of Anu”, one boy must climb the tower and defeat the Druaga’s Guardian himself, and it will take courage, strength, and tons of hardship to achieve such a task…
Nisa: However, the citizen who decided to do such a thing was Jil, the complete opposite of all of those things. So much of an opposite, he was actually a tank.
Parasoul: Yeah… Jil wasn’t the best choice for the job, but he did manage to survive… a lot of the stuff thrown at him.
Nisa: To be entirely fair, Jil is a brilliant strategist who has taken a team of 4 other people, a healer, a warrior, a mage, and an annoying loli who doesn’t really have much to serve the plot. So, a team of 3 people and a butler.
Parasoul: Not to mention, all of them were only just starting out. Jil had been kicked out of his brother, Neeba’s, group and decided to get back at him by going on stage…
Nisa: and making a complete fool of himself. I mean, not even I, a heroine, would do such a daring task.
Parasoul: But that did end up with him getting hit in the head twice with two large rocks and repeatedly punched by people with no sign of immediate injuries.
Nisa: All the injuries came about 30 minutes later, when he finally passed out. But that’s not to say that he isn’t just rough around the edges!
Parasoul: Even though he had help for most of his cases, Jil was able to be ran over completely by an entire herd of cow monsters and only pass out, not sustain any visual injuries, was able to defeat a dragon and successfully control an entire army for such a task, and defeat a large monster at the very top of the tower capable of destroying the entire town of Meskia.
Nisa: But that wasn’t the end of it. After the defeat of Not-Druaga, Neeba and Jil’s love interest, Kaaya, descend to the tower above the top of the tower to do things that there really isn’t any explanation for. But that’s when Jil meets Ki, who is basically that one girl from that other Tower of Druaga video game, and no, Ki is not a Dragonball character.
Parasoul: Also Ki is Kaaya’s Great-Grandmother and the wife of Gilgamesh, plus she was more or less dead and her only real reason for joining him in the first place was to save her husband, so…
Nisa: But against all odds, Jil is a survivor. He dealt insane damage to the shadow of Gilgamesh, and even defeated a more powerful version of his own brother on his own.
Parasoul: But for the most part… Jil is more or less only extremely successful in his defenses and tactical skills. In other aspects, he’s kind of… well, incompetent.
Nisa: Jil’s lacking of attack strength is what caused him to, well, be exactly what he is. a Tank. He doesn’t necessarily succeed in a fighting standpoint, but he does what he can to help his team and achieve pretty much the most out of all of his fighting situations.
Parasoul: Jil may be lacking in some areas, but in the end, he’s the most practical fighter alive.
Kirito[]
Parasoul: … I’m already disappointed.
Nisa: The year was 2022. Kirigaya Kazuto was sitting on a chair, waiting for the official release of the best game EVER, Sword Art Online. With his Nervegear helmet, he delved into the game, taught a guy how to play, and then found out… that he couldn’t log out.
Parasoul: So… what, this is just repetition of .hack?
Nisa: WHAT? NO! Citizen, this anime is very unique and one of a kind and definitely not an overused trope!
Parasoul: Whatever, can we move on to the more important stuff? Kirito has the ability to rapidly heal himself, so after getting his level to near-max, he was able to not die from… really anything. His health stat is up to 18500, which is higher than… most people.
Nisa: AS THE BLACK Swordsman, Kirito guides his own team of characters, and is capable of taking out creatures a lot stronger after several others weaken him, but there are times in which he fights alone and wins, such as the christmas event, when he fights an evil version of Santa.
Parasoul: As much as I would love to ignore that, but Kirito is actually mostly a solo fighter, being able to beat several creatures on his own, and even the creator of SAO himself.
Nisa: and none of that would be possible if he didn’t have proficiency skills, or weaponry. With 100% in One Handed Sword Skills and Dual Blades, he is… the BEST HERO AROUND, AND I WILL BE HIS HEROINE!!
Parasoul: Ugh… No matter, Kirito’s choice of weaponry is fairly decent. In one hand, he has the Elucidator, a sword capable of breaking other swords with ease, and the Dark Repulsor, which is more powerful than Elucidator, and longer, but less durable.
Nisa: Not only that, but he has a huge boost in Martial Arts skills, topping out with a Meteor Strike with the FORCE OF A METE-
Parasoul: Wrong. It just looks like a meteor. Sure, it’s more powerful than a normal sword combo, but it’s nowhere near as strong as a meteor. Despite all these strengths, Kirito does have flaws.
Nisa: Impossible, Citizen!
Parasoul: I mean, Kirito is arrogant and cocky, his armor is pretty weak, and he had help from others for his best feats. Also, he’s just a terribly written character.
Nisa: You take that back!
Parasoul: We have to look at these things objectively. I’m not going to use your biased-filled brain to come up with a verdict.
Nisa: Fine, but I am absolutely positive that Kirito is the best beater around.
Kirito: All this time, I seriously thought that it's better to die than to live your life alone.
Death Battle[]
Jil is currently sitting silently, underneath a rather large tree, doing pretty much nothing but spinning his shield around. Mesmerized by this, Jil doesn’t notice that a black swordsman had approached him for really no reason. Still mesmerized by the shield spinning, Jil begins clapping like an idiot. The Black Swordsman slowly bends over and pokes him in the head. Jil then falls over, but immediately gets back up, unamused by the swordsman's bullshit.
Jil: Man, that’s not nice! Who do you think you are?
Kirito: My name is Kirito, the best player in Sword Art Online.
Jil: Sword Art what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about? This isn’t a game, moron.
Kirito then pulls out his sword, aiming at Jil’s head.
Kirito: Moron?
Jil: Yeah. a big stupid moron head, stupid moron head!
Kirito: Name please.
Jil immediately grabs his shield and slams the sword from Kirito’s hand, utterly annoyed with the swordsmans bullshit.
Kirito: What was that for!?!
Jil: My name is Jil. I am the protector of this area and I will not let you tarnish it. SO DON’T TARNISH MY SHIT!
Kirito: Alright, listen here, Jack-
Stunned, Jil immediately got extremely upset, and turned around extremely quickly at the phrase ‘Jack’.
Jil: What did you just say?
Kirito: I said, Listen here…
Jil: You called me Jack.
Kirito: What’s the big idea? Is there a problem?
Jil: My name… isn’t jack…
Kirito: What was that?
Jil: MY NAME ISN’T JACK YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Jil immediately dashes in, shield in hand, and runs directly into Kirito right before Kirito pulls both his swords out and tries to block the shield attack. Both look extremely angry and neither are going to give up the fight this easily.
FIGHT!
With Elucidator and Dark Repulsion in hand, Kirito violently swings both at Jil’s shield, which doesn’t take any noticeable damage. Engaging immediately with the shield, JIl pushes Kirito back with it, and tries punching him in the stomach. With increasing luck, Kirito manages to dodge the fist and nearly slice Jil’s hand off before Jil pulls it back and causes Kirito to fall over. Not yet tired, Jil manages to stand slightly upright, and tries to slam his shield into Kirito while on the ground. To his shock, The shield went straight through him and he had instantly healed from the blow.
Jil: What the…? Alright, this might take some getting used too.
While Jil was caught off guard, Kirito swung the Elucidator at Jil and merely scratched his leg. Angrily, Jil immediately jumped back and waited for Kirito to get up. When he did, Jil slammed his shield into Kirito and pushed him back a bit. However, it didn’t do any noticeable damage to him, and Kirito came back around in an attempt to slice Jil, who immediately blocked with his shield. Kirito continued to push further and further, lowering Jil to the near ground before finally, Jil pushed Kirito’s sword off with enough force to put the Elucidator into a tree.
Kirito: Good thing I’m always prepared.
At the mention of this, Kirito manages to grasp onto Dark Repulsion and swing heavily at Jil again, who is caught off guard and gains a large cut on his arm. Jil then pulls out his smaller shield and attempts to block each other oncoming hit. Successful, Jil throws his circular shield at Kirito and manages to hit Kirito in the arm. However, he heals from it and continues an onslaught of his attacks.
Jil: Damn it, how do I kill a guy who can heal from everything I do?
Being able to dodge a couple of Kirito’s attacks, and taking a single blow to the leg, Jil manages to grab his small shield and using it to stop the final blow from Kirito’s sword. However, Kirito manages to back Jil into the tree his sword was in, and grabs it, cutting Jil’s face while still putting pressure on Jil’s shield with the Elucidator. Clearly upset, Jil tries to push Kirito off using his shield and runs behind a rock a bit further away before pulling out his larger shield.
Jil: Come on, Jil, think… how do you beat a guy who can regenerate from every attack… does he even have health? Wait.. health… Well, that’s a start.
Kirito: Jack, I don’t have time for this. I need to find a way to escape this game.
Jil, suddenly gaining what may be the stupidest idea ever, peaks up from behind his rock and shouts at Kirito.
Jil: A Game? A Video Game? Like, with Health stats and stuff? Also, MY NAME ISN’T JACK.
Kirito: Uhh… yes? Isn’t this DLC for Sword Art Online?
Jil: DLC? Uhh… Yes! Yes it is! DLC! … What’s DLC?
Noticing Jil, finally, Kirito slams both of his swords into the Rock Jil was hiding behind and breaks it in half. However, Jil finally pulled out his Golden Armor, and blocked each attack from Kirito’s sword that was swung.
Jil (Thinking): I guess… my time… IS NOW.
With every amount of pressure in his body, Jil slammed his shield into Kirito, causing him to fly back, just as Jil decided to jump and use his smaller shield to keep hitting Kirito’s face, multiple times, continuously damaging him. Kirito automatically knew what Jil was up to, and tried to use the Dark Repulser to block some of the attacks, but to his own amazement, the Dark Repulsor broke in half from one of the shield swings.
Kirito: What?
As Jil continued to hit and lower Kirito’s health just barely fast enough, Kirito took one final swing at Jil’s head with Elucidator, and hit him so hard that his helmet cracked in half, revealing Jil’s head. However, after sustaining that heavy damage, the Elucidator broke and Kirito slammed into a tree, right as Jil lifted his shield and planted the pointed anchor right into his throat, resorting in Kirito losing his head and slowly disappearing into pixels.
K.O.
Jil, extremely tired at this point, looked at the tree and sat beneath it. A young, blonde woman walked up to him afterwards and pointed her sword at him.
Asuna: You killed him.
Jil: What, it’s just a game. At least he wasn’t my own brother.
Asuna: In this game, you die in real life if you die in the game.
Finally realizing what he did, Jil slammed his head backwards in shock and passed out.
K…O…?
Results[]
Nisa: WHAT THE FUCKING LEWD? THAT WASN’T JUSTICE!
Parasoul: Well, unfortunately for Kirito, Jil was just too tanky for any of the attacks he could’ve landed on him. The best Kirito has been shown to do is defeat creatures powerful enough to destroy buildings, while Jil can tank beams multiple times from a boss who can destroy entire towns. Not to mention is own body can withstand heavy force directly to the head with blunt objects.
Nisa: Even though Kirito had more experience in fighting such creatures, he has never fought someone who could tank enough force to destroy an entire town, or several floors of his own tower.
Parasoul: Kirito and Jil may both be great at tactical combat, but Jil was able to strategize ways to survive more than just fights and commanding armies, as he was able to dodge traps and even survived having a magical… sex change. Not to mention, even though he had to revive many times, he was able to defeat the entire original Tower of Druaga video game while inside the video game, and that video game was really hard.
Nisa: In this situation, I guess Kirito was the one who broke his crown, and Jil… tumbled in victory.
Parasoul: The winner is Jil.
Comparison[]
Jil (Winner) -
+ Much more durability
+ Able to adapt to more situations
+ Slightly Smarter
+ Survived more intense situations
= Just as fast as Kirito
- Much less attacking power
Kirito (Loser) -
+ Much more health regen
+ Much better attacking power
= Just as fast as Jil
- Everything else