| Jebediah Christoff vs Alexander Anderson | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Season | 1 |
| Overall Episode | 8 |
| Season Episode | 8 |
| Air date | 3/9/22 |
| Written by | Sleuth |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Giorno Giovanna vs Ob Nixilis |
Next Nicol Bolas vs Vecna |
Description[]
Jebediah Christoff vs Alexander Anderson is a What-If? Death Battle made by Cerberusleuth featuring Jebus from the Madness Combat series and Alexander Anderson from Hellsing.
Introduction[]
Wiz: Christianity. One of the most biggest religions out there, having a massive amount of followers.
Boomstick: So what happens when you pit two of the most badass and fearsome "Children of God" against each other? Let's find out!
Wiz: Jebediah Christoff - or "Jebus" - Nevada's Savior from Madness Combat
Boomstick: And Alexander Anderson, rival to Alucard from Hellsing. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle!
Jebediah Christoff inundates DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Long ago, in Nevada...
Boomstick: Back when this bastard named "Director Phobos" was in charge, he had a lot of people working for him.
Wiz: The most notable of these are Dr. Hofnarr, who later became Tricky the Clown, and Jebediah Christoff, who, if you change is name slightly...
Boomstick: JESUS CHRIST? Well, it's more like "Jebus Christ". Also you said there's three. Who's the third guy?
Wiz: He's not important.
Boomstick: C'mon, Wiz!
Wiz: *sigh* fiiiiiine, only if you promise not to laugh. ...his name is Dr. Crackpot
Boomstick: [1]
Wiz: I saw this coming from a mile away. Anyways, one of the expirements Christoff created was the Sleepwalker Program, which was supposed to... help people better themselves by making them relive out another's life quickly? Oh, he also started a progam named Project Nexus, meant for mass cloning
Boomstick: Director Phobos said he was against these, but eventually used the programs to create, well what do you know, zombies! Jebus didn't take this real well, so with the help of Dr. Hofnarr, he infiltrated the Phobos's tower, killed Phobos, and took the Halo.
Wiz: Known as "The Keystone Fragment" or "Nexus Artifact", the Halo grants the user a vast array of powers: The ability to revive the dead, telekinesis, levitation, disintegration, energy shields, regeneration, and much more.
Boomstick: Using this Halo, Jesus can summon the Binary Sword! A gnarly looking sword that can slice through his opponents like hot knife through butter, and has a few numbers on it.
Wiz: 100111100, which translates to 316, refering to John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son. That who ever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
Boomstick: Obviously, Jesus Christ becomes an antagonist of the main series, protecting the Sheriff and fighting against Hank. One time, in Madness 5, he destroyed a roof of a building!
Wiz: Assuming the walls are all the same size, this should require 28 kilograms of TNT, or 0.03 tons.
Boomstick: Not to mention scaling to characters such as Dedmos, who can output power over 0.05 tons of TNT!
Wiz: Despite all the violence, Jesus hated the madness in Nevada. He always killed his opponents as quick as possible, to make their pain short.
Boomstick: He tried to be a farmer, but that didn't work at all.
Wiz: So Jesus tried one last time to put an end to it all. Intruding the Auditor's building, he managed to turn on the normality restoration at the cost of his life.
Boomstick: Word of God said that's he's not coming back, but instead hanging out with his long dead friend, the Sheriff.
Wiz: Though be warned - though he may not be the actual son of god, he is just as powerful.
Jebediah Christoff: I purge the wicked. The impious madness must end. I shall be the instrument of Armageddon. It has gotten out of hand. The end has begun.
Alexander Anderson crusades into DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: The World of Hellsing, where unholy creatures roam the night, such as vampires, werewolves, and zombies.
Boomstick: Thankfully, to deal with those bastards, there is good in the world: The Catholics.
Wiz: And one of the ones with the highest power was Alexander Anderson.
Boomstick: Not much is known about this guy on his past, outside of, get this, a hentai manga! And even that is unconfirmed!
Wiz: One thing is for certain: Anderson is a rival to Alucard, being able to go toe-to-toe with the No-Life King.
Boomstick: What this scottish man has to fight against Alucard and other vampires? Bayonets! Bayonets for days!
Wiz: Due to these bayonets being made out of silver, they can harm vampires and negate their regenerative abilities. He also has an explosive chain of bayonets called "the Exploding Chain", which can tear through the zombies released from Level 0.
Boomstick: These bayonets can create sonic booms, create spiritual barriers, and hit accurate and hard! He pulls bayonets out of his ass! Ok, not literally, but how come he doesn't run out? Does he work at the bayonet factory?
Wiz: It's likely due to hammerspace.
Boomstick: Huh. More like bayonetspace.
Wiz: Trust me, Anderson is far from a one-trick pony. Using nanotechnology, he can regenerate from wounds and halt is aging process.
Boomstick: And it is strong! Anderson took a hit from the Casull, and he regenerated from it like it was nothing! And let's not forget he has the power of god by his side - scripture power!
Wiz: Strange as it is, Anderson can summon walls of scripture pages, and also use them to teleport... somehow. But his ultimate weapon is Helena's Nail.
Boomstick: Ah yes, one of the nails that pierced Jesus Christ himself on the true cross. This means some serious business.
Wiz: A weapon that is "able to cause genocide", by piercing his own heart with the nail and becoming a "monster of god", Anderson was able to fight on par with Alucard, with newfound powers.
Boomstick: Not only does it massively amplify his strength, speed, regeneration and all that, but he can use vines - likely the same vines from the Jesus's crown! These vines can light on fucking fire!
Wiz: Word of God confirms that if Seras Victoria didn't intervene, the flames would engulf and finally kill Alucard for good. The only way to take down Anderson in this state for good is to destroy his heart.
Boomstick: Which is exactly what Alucard did, and before Anderson kicked the bucket for good, he had a simple conversation with his long time nemesis.
Wiz: Also, the nail completely erases your personality and rational thinking.
Boomstick: They don't call you a monster of god for nothing when you use it.
Wiz: But regardless, Anderson is among the strongest of all Catholics, and his wrath is something to fear.
Alexander Anderson: Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the son lest he be angry, and ye perish in the way, though His wrath be kindled but a little.
Pre-Fight[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set! We've run our data through all possibilites. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
(Cue: The Streets of London, near a catholic church. Play The Dark Lords)
Today was Sunday, like any other Sunday. Church was in session, and there was a welcoming area, with Alexander Anderson being in charge.
It was inevitable that the Nevadan Savior (who somehow went from Nevada to London) approached. It was also inevitable Anderson would notice.
Anderson: Oh, hello there!
Christoff: Greetings, my child.
Anderson gets a better look at Jebediah, noticing his similarity to Jesus Christ
Anderson: Ah, I see you're a fan of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ! You must be a... what do they call it nowadays... oh yes, a cosplayer!
Christoff: I am the Son of God, in the flesh. Not a pretender.
Anderson: Ah, so you're not a cosplayer...
Anderson summoned two bayonets, one for each hand, and then crossed them.
Anderson: ...you're an heretic!
Christoff, in response, summoned his Binary Sword.
Christoff: I will show you the error of your ways.
Fight![]
The two charged at each other, with the holy weapons clashed and put on a lockhold. Christoff grabbed his revolver and shot him twice, once in the gut, and the other in his head. To Christoff's surprise, Anderson did not flinch, the holes created covered themselves up.
Christoff jumps back, and levitates in the air.
Anderson: And where do you think you're going?
Anderson throws his bayonetts, injuring Christoff and causing him to land to the ground.
Anderson: You know, for someone who claims to be the real savior, y-
Before Anderson could finish his sentence, the Halo charged with electricity. All the wounds Christoff suffered were healed.
Anderson: Ah, so you use technology to protect yourself too?
Christoff: I was thinking the exact same thing.
Christoff jumps and suspends himself midair, and after a deep breath, he fire a black-red energy from his eyes. Anderson quickly used his scripture manipulation to create a shield out of, well, scriptures.
Christoff: How curious.
The Mad Savior swung his sword down on the shield of scriptures, attacking it with his Binary Sword.
STAB!
Anderson appears behind Christoff, impaling him with one of his bayonets.
Christoff: How did you...
Anderson: Oh, simple. I can also use scriptures to teleport!
Anderson eyes the halo
Anderson: Say, I wonder if your power comes from that halo of yours.
Andreson tries grabbing the halo, but the electricity shocked Anderson before he could remove it.
Christoff: Not all things are for the grasp of man.
Christoff lifts Anderson with his telekinesis, and throws him around like a ragdoll. He then assembles his sniper rifle.
Christoff: It ends here.
Anderson manages to get up before the shots were fired.
Anderson: Bring it on, then!
Christoff fires several shots at Anderson at rapid succession, a bit more than what a rifle can handle. Anderson deflects most of these shots, but one, after it was deflected, hit in in the sholder, more than he can recover. This, of course, hurt. A lot. Anderson grunted angrily. He then charged at Christoff, slicing the front of his rifle with his bayonet, rendering it inactive.
Christoff: Why are you so stubborn, my child? Maybe some friends could help you out!
Jebediah's hands cackle with electricity, and run through the ground. From under the soil, zombies arise.
Anderson: Okay, you are definitely nothing like the real Lord and Savior! He never raised the dead, nor used the dead to attack his followers!
Anderson threw and used bayonets to cut down the Zombies with ease, impressing Christoff. After he was finished with the Zombies, Anderson uses his explosive chains to attack Christoff, and which comes-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....
....
....
...Christoff was unscathed, revealing he used an energy shield to protect himself. Anderson was surprised, as expected.
Anderson: Alright, you left me with no other choice, heretic.
Anderson grabs Helena's nail, and holds it out. Christoff is surprised
Anderson: If you truly are the Lord and Savior, then you should remember being pierced with this!
Christoff: Bastard!
Christoff fires several shots from his revolver at Anderson, but to no avail. Anderson uses the nail to pierce his heart, and light erupted. When it was gone, it shows Anderson, now the Monster of God. Upon seeing the monster Anderson had become, Christoff was at his max here.
Christoff: Fear not, my child, I shall cleanse you of this unholiness and forgive you from your sins.
Christoff charged through towards Anderson, cutting through as much vines as possible. Alas, it was to no avail. Anderson eventually manage to fully encompass the grunt, and using holy fire, burnt him to a crisp.
Anderson: You may not be the real Jesus, but I can see why you'd be worthy of taking his image. Farewell.
Anderson notices something.
Anderson: Oh! This accursed halo! Gotta smash it into smithereens!
Using his thorns, Anderson ripped apart the halo. However, a second later, the fractured pieces of the halo started to form back together, and revived Jebediah Christoff.
Anderson: Impossible! I destroyed that thing!
Christoff: It has proven time and again with my miracles that nothing is impossible...
Christoff stabbed Anderson in the heart with the Binary Sword
Christoff: Goodnight, Alexander Anderson.
Christoff withdrew his blade, pulling Anderson's heart out. Using his revolver, he shot a hole through the heart, killing Anderson.
K.O![]
The upper half of Anderson's body still remains, but not for long. Christoff and Anderson have a little chit-chat before Anderson is gone for good.
Christoff: Tell me, my child. You were doing a good job spreading the world of my influence. What is wrong?
Anderson: I have unfinished business... vampires... especially Alucard...
Christoff: Vlad Tepes... I have heard of him.
Anderson: Tell me... will you cleanse the world... and perhaps tell him that I said hi?
Christoff: You have done a great job cleansing this world, and I will finish it for you.
Anderson: Maybe you are... the real savior... not the one we wanted... but the one we... deserved...
Anderson fades.
Verdict[]
Boomstick: Of course Jesus won! Anderson worships Jesus, and Jebediah is pretty much Jesus!
Wiz: This match is probably the most closest match up on our show thus far, potentially varying between outcomes based on circumstance. However, we couldn't base the outcome alone based on strength or speed. Both had small building level to at most building level feats, as well as massively hypersonic speed scaling. However, there were a couple of factors that allowed Jebediah to come out on top.
Boomstick: For one, Jebediah's regeneration was much more to overcome. While Anderson in base was able to heal from wounds, large ones have shown to be impossible to overcome. But that wouldn't be a problem if Anderson got the Helena's nail in him, which puts their regeneration levels on-par with another. However, that's if he could do it.
Wiz: Not only Anderson need to use the nail manually and not automatically (plus it wouldn't be in character to do it first thing), whereas Jebediah always had the Halo, but the source of regeneration was harder to kill. The Halo is much more durable and can survive being fractured, whereas the heart is fragile when exposed. It is even hinted that even removing the nail would kill Anderson without destroying the heart, but Jesus can survive without his halo.
Boomstick: It would also be in character for Jesus to aim for the heart first or second, since he wants a swift and painless death for his opponents.
Wiz: Jebediah is also more versatile. Anderson's main abilities was bayonetts, scriptures, and regen, but Jebediah covered the gap by countering the bayonets with his own Binary Sword and guns, the scriptures with his own levitation/teleportation and energy shields, and an already superior regeneration factor.
Boomstick: Ander you have it, son!
Wiz: ...the winner is Jebediah Christoff.
Stats[]
Jebediah Christoff (Winner)
- (+) More Abilities
- (+) Superior regeneration and immortality
- (=) Strength
- (=) Speed
Alexander Anderson (Loser)
- (=) Strength
- (=) Speed
- (-) Weaker regeneration and immortality
- Less abilities
Trivia[]
- The similarities are as follows
- Both are strongly Christian, having a device that can make the regenerate.
- Both are Anti-Heros of their series, being rivals to the main protagonists (Hank and Alucard, respectively), and are not necessarily evil.