| Jaws (007) vs. Oddjob | |
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| Season 6, Episode 2 | |
| Air date | February 26, 2021 |
| Written by | I'm Lynda |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Abraham Lincoln vs. Barnabas Collins |
Next Mez vs. Neptune |
Jaws (007) vs. Oddjob is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Jaws (007) and Oddjob, both of which are characters from the 007 media franchise.
Description[]
It’s Bond villain versus Bond villain in a historic battle to the death!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Over the years, the James Bond stories, and especially the movies, have given us a number of very memorable villains.
Boomstick: Perhaps your favorite is Blofeld, or Goldfinger, or Francisco Scaramanga, the Man with the Golden Gun.
Wiz: Well, today we are bringing together two of the all-time top Bond villains: Jaws, the giant, steel-toothed assassin.
Boomstick: And Oddjob, the steel-hatted henchman.
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Jaws (007)[]
Wiz: Jaws is nobody’s lackey, he’s a freelance assassin that is paid to do his job, and he does it very well.
Boomstick: In 1977, when both a Russian nuclear missile submarine and an American one went missing, the British sent in their best agent – that man among men, James Bond. You know, Wiz, he rather reminds me of myself!
Wiz: And then you woke up.
Boomstick: What?
Wiz: And when 007 met up with the beautiful KGB spy, Major Anya Amasova, the two started making real progress...
Boomstick: Until they met up with this super-tall, and super-intimidating-looking bad guy with some really impressive grills. You guessed it, his name was Jaws.
Wiz: It turned out that Jaws was in the pay of Karl Stromberg, a Swedish scientist and shipping tycoon, who had plans to trigger a nuclear war between the superpowers, leaving him and his select followers alive in their new Atlantis, ready to inherit the Earth.
Boomstick: In the end, using his martial arts training, and a heaping helping of good luck, old Jimmy dropped Jaws into a shark tank. But, you can’t keep a good man down, and after Jaws outfought the shark, and bit it to death, Jaws went in look of other employment.
Wiz: Two years later, when a special spaceplane was stolen from right off of a flying British airplane, MI6 decided to send secret agent Bond to investigate what happened.
Boomstick: In fairly short order, Jimmy learned that his old buddy Jaws was involved in the situation...when he threw him off of an airplane in mid-flight!
Wiz: During the course of his investigation, James learned that the man in the center of everything going on was Hugo Drax, a scientist and owner of the company that built the spaceplane.
Boomstick: You know, Wiz, I can see a real theme emerging here! Apparently, you cannot trust a really rich, really smart guy. You can bring them up in front of Congress, but will they tell you about their secret plans to take over the world?
Wiz: It’s never a good idea to discuss your plans for world domination with present leaders, Boomstick.
Boomstick: Hey, wait a moment...
Wiz: Anyway, just when it seemed like all was lost, 007 convinced Jaws to switch sides, and together they took down the bad guy...whose idea for destroying the Earth’s present population, and reseeding it with genetically superior replacements wasn’t an entirely bad idea.
Boomstick: Wiz, sometimes you frighten me.
Wiz: Now, when you look at Jaws, the first thing you see is his tremendous size. Standing in a 7’3”, Jaws is quite literally a giant among men.
Boomstick: Jaws isn’t just big, he is tremendously strong. During one particular fight, Jaws stopped a moving panel truck, and then he punched holes in it, tore off its roof, and pulled its bumper off, all with his bare hands.
Wiz: But, even more over-the-top is his superhuman durability. At one point, he was thrown from a moving train, while at another he had a group of building rocks dropped on him. After each of these, he just stood up, showing no signs of any damage.
Boomstick: Not impressed? Well, after freefalling from an airplane with a non-functioning parachute, he crashed through the roof of a house, and again, simply dusted himself off and walked away!
Wiz: But, don’t think that the big man is invulnerable. James Bond was able to use his martial arts to hurt him. Once he kicked him between the legs, and Jaws actually grimaced from the pain.
Boomstick: And now onto Jaws’ favorite weapon, the source of his handle, his bright and shining metal jaw. Those choppers are so powerful, the he actually used it once to bite through a chain, and another time through a cable that was at least one-and-a-half inches in diameter.
Wiz: This does beg the question of how much of Jaws’ head is made of metal. When 007 punched Jaws in the...well, jaw, he hurt his hand. And, one time, when he shot Jaws in the jaw with his pistol, it hurt the man, but made no noticeable mark on him.
Boomsstick: Jaws is a formidable fighter, with huge hands, and powerful arms, and if he gets his choppers on you, forget it.
Wiz: But, for all that, Jaws is not a fast, or particularly talented, fighter. He relies heavily on his size and strength, but he is actually rather slow. When fighting James Bond, the agent often succeeded in eluding him, just by ducking under his arms.
Boomstick: He’s big, he’s bad, and he is not someone you want to cross. When Jaws is after you, you are in a world of trouble!
Oddjob[]
Wiz: Oddjob was one of the great Bond villains.
Boomstick: Auric Goldfinger was a gold bullion dealer, originally from Riga, Latvia. You know, one of those little countries from off the corner of Russia.
Wiz: Yeah, that’s...not a big help. But in 1964, Goldfinger set his great scheme into operation, “Operation Grand Slam.”
Boomstick: Well, it turns out that MI6 has already sent their best agent to see what Goldfinger was up to: James Bond, Agent 007. Wiz, I don’t understand why you don’t see all of the similarities between me and Jimmy.
Wiz: Because there aren’t any?
Boomstick: My mother, Momma Boomstick, sees it!
Wiz: Considering that she also refers to you as a “handsome stallion of a man,” I think we can safely ignore her opinions.
Boomstick: Don’t you say anything against my momma! That woman is a saint! A SAINT I TELL YOU!
Wiz: At every turn, 007 found himself confronted by Goldfinger’s right-hand man, Oddjob.
Boomstick: Eventually, you knew that it had to come down to a final battle between Bond and Oddjob, and it did. It was only through luck and quick thinking that Bond was able to come out of that one alive.
Wiz: Oddjob himself is apparently from Korean. He is not terribly tall, but he is powerfully built, and very strong.
Boomstick: At one point, he took a golf ball, and squeezed it in one hand, grinding it into powder. He was also able to easily pick up a grown man, and throw him over a railing, and he threw James Bond around like a ragdoll.
Wiz: He also has demonstrated a virtually superhuman durability. At one point 007 threw a 30 lbs gold bar at him. It struck his chest, and bounced off. Oddjob acted as if he had not even felt the blow.
Boomstick: He’s a bad-ass fighter, taking everything that Bond had to throw at him, and using a mixture of martial arts and wrestling to overcome his opponent at every turn.
Wiz: And, we can’t forget Oddjob’s unique weapon, his hat! From a picture of the hat laying upside-down, it can be seen that embedded in the brim of the hat is a sharp-metal ring, rather like an Indian Chakran.
Boomstick: This bad-boy is heavy enough and sharp enough, to take the head off of a marble statue. And, you don’t want to know what it would do to a living person.
Wiz: Oddjob relies on his hat as a weapon, but what makes him a very dangerous opponent is his ability to both take, and dish-out, a lot of hurt.
Boomstick: Rightfully described as nasty, brutish and short, he will take on any oddjob for Auric Goldfinger – the more violent, the better!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE!
DEATH BATTLE![]
Pre-Fight []
Auric Goldfinger strolled into the golf course’s shop with a smile on his face. It was a beautiful day for a round!
His friend, the course’s manager, Victor Blacking, was winding tape around a club, and didn’t seem to notice the other man come in.
“Ready, Blacking?” he asked.
Blacking looked up, and looked somewhat uncomfortable.
“Uh, there's an old member dropped by, sir. Same handicap as yours. I wondered if you would rather play with him?”
He turned from Goldfinger, and said, “Mister Stromberg? This is Mister Goldfinger.”
The two men eyed each other speculatively, and then said “How do you do?” to each other.
Blacking, still looking uncomfortable, said, “You can go straight off. The first tee is clear.”
Karl Stromberg walked past Goldfinger, towards the door, when he turned and asked, “Shall we make it a shilling a hole?”
The two men advanced out into sunlight, when suddenly a short, Korean man in a suit and bowler hat stepped up to them, a golf back hanging incongruously from his shoulder.
Goldfinger cheerfully said, “Oh, you must excuse Oddjob, Mister Stromberg. He's an admirable manservant, but mute. He's not a very good caddy.”
Stromberg smiled back at him. “And this is my caddy,” he said, gesturing in the other direction. Goldfinger turned and looked up...and up. The smile drained away from his face.
There stood a man who must have been at least 7 feet tall. He was wearing black pants, a white shirt and red suspenders. The golf bag he was holding looked shockingly small in his enormous hands.
The two men began their game, lightly talking about the weather and other irrelevant subjects.
The two players were evenly matched, and at the 16th hole, Stromberg sank a six foot put. Goldfinger’s ball was a mere two feet from the hole, and he stepped up to the ball knowing that he would easily sink it, keeping their scores tied.
As he addressed the ball, he decided that the time had come to move the conversation onto what was really happening.
Without lifting his head, he asked, “This meeting is not a coincidence, eh? What's your game, Mister Stromberg?”
Suddenly, a gold bar landed on the grass near Goldfinger’s ball. The bar was long, but triangular in cross-section. Hammered into the surface of the gold was the Imperial Spanish coat-of-arms, and some letters and numbers.
Goldfinger's eyes widened at the sight, and he tapped the ball, which rolled serenely past the hole.
Oddjob scowled at Jaws, whose face split into a large smile. Oddjob was visibly shaken at the sight of Jaws’ dental hardware.
Through the course of the game, Jaws and Oddjob eyed each other speculatively.
It was the deepest part of the night, and Goldfinger's ranch sat silently in the darkness. A tall figure slipped over a wooden horse fence, crouched and ran towards a horse barn.
Jaws got to one of the sliding doors, and found it chained and locked. He wrapped his large hands around the padlock, squeezed and twisted. There was a crunching sound, and Jaws smiled his metallic smile. He opened his hands, and bits of padlock fell to the ground.
He opened the doors, stepped into the barn, and closed the doors behind himself. Then, he began sneaking along towards the office.
Suddenly, Oddjob stepped out of the office, and spotted Jaws. He looked momentarily surprised, but then he pulled his bowler off and flung it at the other man.
FIGHT! []
Jaws leaned to the right, and clearly felt the hat pass by, its brim nearly brushing his neck in its flight. It made a whistling sound as it flew, before terminating in a dull thud, as it struck the doorpost behind him.
Hearing the noise, Jaws turned around and saw the hat’s brim stuck into the wood. He reached out, and grabbed the hat, and pulled it free. He turned back towards his opponent, just as he took a step forward. Oddjob stopped, watching the other man warily.
Jaws flashed his metal smile, raised the hat to his mouth, and bit down on the brim. Oddjob looked shocked when the other man brought the hat down, showing where a mouthful of the brim had been easily bitten away. Jaws contemptuously threw the hat aside.
The two men closed, and Jaws raised his fists. He swung a mighty right hook at Oddjob, which the other man ducked under. Then he swung a left hook, which the other man also ducked under. Then he swung another right hook. This time, Oddjob sidestepped, grabbed the arm, and crouched down, pulling his huge opponent over his should, flipping onto the dirt floor of the barn.
He raised his foot, aiming to smash it down on Jaws’ face, but at the last second, the man rolled out from under descending foot. He rolled clear over, and then leaped to his feet.
The two opponents circled each other, and then closed. With his longer reach, Jaws grabbed the other man’s neck, but before he could squeeze, Oddjob linked his hands together, and brought his arms up, snapping the other man’s hands away from the grip.
Quickly, Oddjob delivered two fierce jabs to the other’s stomach, causing him to bend over. Then, he brought up his right fist in a powerful uppercut to Jaws’ jaw.
There was a loud clank, and pulled his hand back, trying to shake away the pain. He felt like he had just punched a safe.
Suddenly, Jaws unleashed a right jab that sent Oddjob flying backward. He collided with a stall door, which exploded with the impact. Oddjob disappeared into the darkness beyond.
Jaws stormed through the doorway, into the stall.
A loud noise filled Jaws’ ears, and he looked up to see a horse rearing in front of him. It lashed out with its iron-shod hooves, causing the man to duck to the left and right.
Suddenly, Jaws lashed out with his right fist. The horse staggered, and dropped down to a sitting position, shaking it head to clear it.
Oddjob shot up from the shadows, grabbing Jaws around the waist, and the two men exploded through a wooden wall, back into the center of the barn.
Oddjob rolled over Jaws’ prostrate form, and continued the roll, coming up into a defensive stance. Jaws leaped to his feet, and the two men confronted each other again.
Jaws lunged at Oddjob, seeking to wrap his long arms around him. Oddjob ducked beneath the grab, and delivered a punch to the man’s side as he moved past. Jaws lunged again, and again Oddjob ducked the grab and punched him.
This time, Jaws moved in straight, with his arms low. Oddjob aimed a right jab at Jaws’ face, but Jaws caught the flying fist. Oddjob tried to surprise him with a left jab at the face, but Jaws caught this one as well.
Jaws began pulling the other man in, opening his mouth for a fatal bite.
Oddjob looked fearfully at the flashing metal teeth, and then he dropped to his back, dragging the larger man over the top of him, into a flip.
But, Jaws maintained his grip on his opponent’s hands, and heaved, throwing the other man across the room, and into a wall.
Oddjob shook his head, as Jaws stood back up. Looking down, he saw a steel shaft from an old sulky. He lifted the pipe in his hands, and held it like a staff.
As Jaws moved in, Oddjob thrust with the shaft. Jaws sidestepped, and grabbed the pipe. The two men pulled and strained for control of the staff, when suddenly Jaws leaned into the staff, and shoved Oddjob into a support beam.
Oddjob shook his head to clear his vision, when he saw Jaws smile his broad smile. Then, he brought the shaft down on his knee and bent it in half. He lifted it again, and brought it down over knee, bending it into quarters. Then, he threw the metal to the side, and advanced on Oddjob.
Oddjob ducked under Jaws’ outstretched arms, and stepped behind the larger man. He kicked out, striking the back of Jaws’ knee, taking his leg out from under him and causing him to collapse to one knee.
Quickly, he pounced on his opponent and wrapped his left arm around Jaw’s neck. He his left arm in his right hand, and began squeezing with all his might.
Jaws grabbed ahold of the arm and pulled. Oddjob grunted, but succeeded in maintaining the pressure.
The big man pulled forward, but could not pull his opponent over. Then, he shoved backward with all his might. The two went over backwards, with Jaws now on top of Oddjob.
Sweat pored off of Oddjob’s face, as he strained to maintain the pressure on his opponent.
Jaws pulled at the arm, and rolled his weight from left to right, his face turning blue.
Finally, Jaws’ eyes fluttered shut, and the big man went limp.
Oddjob shoved the other off of himself, he pushed himself up and over Jaws, straddling his back. Then he gripped the other’s head, and gave it a savage wrench.
There was an ugly cracking noise, and Jaws’ legs jerked...and went still.
K.O.! []
Oddjob stood up, and straightened his tie. Then, he walked over to his fallen bowler, and picked it up.
He gave the hat, with its now comical bight mark, a disgusted look, and then threw it onto Jaw’s corpse.
He brushed dirt and straw off of his suit, and walked back to the stable’s office.
Results[]
Boomstick: Ouch. That poor horse!
Wiz: Indeed. And, poor Jaws.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, him too.
Wiz: Anyway, these two opponents were fairly well balanced. Both showed a great deal of strength, as well as a great ability to withstand physical damage.
Boomstick: Jaws had an impressive feat in the form of falling from an airplane without a parachute, landing on top of a house, and then just getting up and walking away. This feat, though, was something of a outlier.
Wiz: Both opponents, on the other hand, showed themselves to be able to withstand hits that would have disabled a normal opponent.
Boomstick: Both opponents showed themselves to be physically powerful, with Jaws pinning James Bond to the ceiling, and stopping a van with his bare hands. However at another time, Jaws was trapped under some cable car debris, he needs to help of Dolly, a rather petite young woman to help him get a large wheel off of him.
Wiz: Oddjob on the other hand, was strong enough to lift up an opponent and throw him off some stairs, while he was also able to crush a golf ball in one hand and could break a large wooden beam with one blow.
Boomstick: While Jaws definitely had an edge in the strength and durability departments, he was so slow, that he really could not outfight James Bond. Bond was able to outmaneuver the big man, and overcome him with his fighting skills.
Wiz: But Oddjob was able to keep up with Bond’s martial arts, and used his durability to overcome the super-spy. 007 was only able to overcome Oddjob through the lucky stroke of having a live, high-powered electrical line at hand.
Boomstick: As such, Jaws’ obvious slowness would be a huge disadvantage when dealing with Oddjob. He had an advantage in strength, but not a large enough advantage to make him invulnerable to the other man’s attacks.
Wiz: No, it might have taken more time or less, but eventually Oddjob would have outfought the other man, and finally brought him down.
Boomstick: And that’s why the winner is the man in the deadly hat, Oddjob!
Next Time[]
Next time on Death Battle! the winner of an earlier battle comes back looking for another victim. Who will win when we present Mez vs. Neptune?
Trivia[]
Cameo Appearances[]
- Auric Goldfinger
- Karl Stromberg