| Jason Voorhees vs. The Undertaker | |
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| Season 1, Episode 7 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | 10/6/2020 |
| Written by | HighVoltage3606 {And Credit to HyperSsonic for doing Undertaker's Bio!} |
| Directed by | HighVoltage3606 |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Chara vs. Lobo | ??? |
Description[]
Happy Spooktober everyone! Jason Voorhees vs. The Undertaker is a "What If?" Halloween Episode of Death Battle. It stars Jason Voorhees from the "Friday the 13th Franchise" and features The Undertaker from WWE
Interlude[]
Wiz: Horror, fear, intimidation when you think of these your mind sometimes goes to what scared you the most as a child, what kept you up at night. And what monsters on TV that were coming for you.
'Boomstick: Jeez Wiz could you get anymore dramatic? They're just tall guys that... just can't seem to stay dead-
Wiz: Like Jason Voorhees: The Crystal Lake Killer
Boomstick: And The Demon of Death Valley, The Undertaker
Boomstick: He's Wiz & I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills, to find out who would win: A Death Battle.
Jason Voorhees[]
(Cue: "Friday The 13th" Theme)
Wiz: When you think of slasher villains... Who comes to mind? Someone like Michael Myers? Freddy Kreuger? Leatherface? Well, to many Horror fanatics around the world, there is only ONE king of the Killers.
Boomstick: Jason. Fucking. Voorhees.
Wiz: But first! A little background. In the year 1957-
Boomstick: Hey that's when Mama Boomstick was born! Hi Mama Boomstick!
Wiz: ...
Boomstick: ...
Wiz: Pamela Voorhees took her deformed little boy Jason down by the Crystal Lake in, where else? Camp Crystal Lake. But sadly Jason was bullied due to being born deformed and disfigured.
Boomstick: And the kids there did a pretty non gamer thing and threw the poor disabled kid into the lake. wAIT- What were the counselors doing??
Wiz: Boomstick, this is an 80's horror movie, you know EXACTLY what those counselors were doing in the woods.
Boomstick: Ohhhhh! Well. If they weren't to busy literally fucking around, maybe the could've saved the poor kid!
Wiz: But sadly. Jason drowned in the lake that day. And his mother went on a murderous rampage to take revenge on those who took her child away from her. And she would've succeeded!
Boomstick: Oh... Hi Mama Boomstick...
Wiz: And she would've succeeded! If she wasn't accidently decapitated by a girl named Alice that is.
Boomstick: But plot twist! Jason had survived his 15 year long dip in the lake, and came out to take revenge on those who had caused him and his mother's "demise".
Wiz: After donning his famous hockey mask to hide his appearance. Jason now patrols camp crystal lake as an undead. And just like Jurassic Park. Nobody can stop messing with that place.
Boomstick: Jason is an absolute behemoth, towering at 2.1336 meters and weighing 154.221 kg, He easily dominates the competition with pure strength and raw power. He's crushed skulls, ripped out hearts, and shattered wooden doors with just his bare hands! Meaning just with his fists Jason can hit with over a kilogram (2 lbs) of tnt.
Wiz: At his peak, Jason was able to uproot a tree and throw it like a spear! Which requires just a tremendous amount of energy to be used. Depending on the size of the tree we can calculate Jason can lift up to 9 tons! And even more since he was shown to throw the damn thing.
Boomstick: And up next in the horrorlypics. We have Jason Voorhees doing the Javelin throw!
Wiz: And of course, a classic slasher isn't complete without his signature weapon. Jason carries a foot long machete, perfect for all your stabbing needs. Jase would never be caught without it.
Boomstick: And while he appears to be just a lumbering hulk-ish beast, and lets be honest, he usually is. Jason is shockingly fast! He can easily outrun an average human, but there's also been times where he can dodge helicopter gunfire and take out entire military groups before they could react.
Wiz: To do this, Jason must've at least REACTED to these bullets before moving, meaning he can track the bullets moving at over 2493 feet per second! (760 metres per second) and probably even faster seeing as he was able to keep up with an undead clone of himself.
Boomstick: But I guess it's time to get to the lake sized elephant in the room: Jason's Durability.
Wiz: Throughout all his appearances, Jason has always been extremely hard to keep down. He's impervious to general stabbing, impalement, setting on fire, drowning, and explosions. And usually continues to fight like nothing happened. He even survived a fall from orbit!
Jason walking out of the crater left by his fall.
Boomstick: This is also coupled with Jason's incredible pain tolerance and stamina. This guy just doesn't get tired! Or feel pain for that matter. He's once had 3 fingers, both eyes, impaled by his own machete, AND had been set on fire and continued to fight without much issue. Just look at the time he got turned into a cyborg in sp- God Dammit why do I always have to read the crazy shit?!
Wiz: This is what we call a "defunct physiology" where the character has no need to eat, breathe, sleep, or really need energy for that matter. And Jason is a classic example of this.
Boomstick: Hey! Yeah can we get Ra's here? Someone stole his Lazurus pit and threw it in a lake!
Wiz: Well don't get me wrong. Jason is NOT indestructible as he may seem. He has been killed before. With enough brute force Jason can be incapacitated or killed. That and he doesn't have a natural "Healing Factor" as he cannot regrow limbs, or certain organs. In fact decapitating him is the easiest way of killing the...killer?
Boomstick: And yeah, Jason can use his spirit to gain a new body, this takes time, and wouldn't be something he could do normally enough to finish a battle. Even though it'd only put him down for a while, still counts as a win.
Wiz: And while this is not "insta-kill" area, the heart is considered Jason's weak-point, and repeated attacks to the heart will at least slow the monster down
Boomstick: And while my boy Jason isn't DUMB, since he didn't have a good childhood growing up, and the fact he is legally disabled, makes his intelligence lacking other than stabbing the shit out of something.
Wiz: This, coupled with trapping him in a place he cant break out of, like at the bottom of a lake or mentioning his mother: Pamela Voorhees, causes Jason to hesitate and stun him long enough to possibly make a get away. These are the best alternatives then going through the hassle of killing the Poor bastard.
Boomstick: But this just goes to show. His longevity, and his prowess as a damn near perfect killer, truly makes Jason the king of slashers!
The Undertaker[]
(Cue: Rest In Peace/Undertaker's Theme)
Gong...
Gong...
Gong...
Boomstick: From Death Valley, weighing in at 299 LBS, THE UNDERTAKEEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!
Wiz: Are you gonna do that every time there is a Wrestling character?
Boomstick: Yep! And you know I want to see what kind of graveyard he lives in.
Wiz: Death Valley is a desert.
Boomstick: Really? Why's he from there then?!
Wiz: Mark William Calaway, Aka The Undertaker. Was a professional wrestler for over 33 years of his life! over 25 of those were spent in the WWE until he retired in early 2020
Boomstick: Never say never Wiz.
Wiz Rolled his eyes
Wiz: Anyway Taker is regarded as one of the best wrestlers... EVER! His career was completely unmatched in terms of mystique and in longevity.
Boomstick: Yeah but Wiz, we aren't talking about Undertaker the PERSON. We're talking about Undertaker, the CHARACTER
Wiz: Yes actually, we will be using such things such as the WWE: Immortals video game, his comic line from "Chaos! Comics, his actual in-ring exploits, and the "Rise of the Deadman" comic series, and other media he was involved in.
Boomstick: So let's just start with the good old strength.
Wiz: Let's start with some basic yet pretty impressive strength feats.
Boomstick: He is strong enough to lift the 600 pound+ Yokozuna up, Burst through walls with no issue, overpowered his brother Kane, who can rip metal doors off, And crushed demon skulls with his bare hands, and he aslo has no issue overpowering Hulk Hogan, who in WWE immortals is capable of dropping an "Atomic Leg Drop" with the force of 570.267686424 Kilotons! THAT IS ENOUGH TO WIPE OUT A LARGE TOWN!
Wiz: And yet Taker is much stronger! And he was able to create a god damn crater with a tombstone piledriver.
Boomstick: Now onto speed.
Wiz: At first glace. Taker only seems to be as fast as a peak human (About 23 mph) Seeing as he was able to outrun the demons of the underworld, who are made to be in peak human condition. But this is not the case as the Deadman has shown to react to his own lightning bolts! Which means his reactions are at least massively hypersonic (Mach 100) and while we don't have a solid movement speed. Taker is able to do a sort of teleportation while in the dark. Suggesting subsonic speeds as to not get tracked by the human eye.
Boomstick: He can take hits from His Brother Kane, who we said before can rip off steel doors without issue, not even react to getting smacked in the back of a head with a shovel! And once survived a 10 story fall (over 100 feet) and didn't even have a scratch.
Wiz: And if you even could hurt him, the undertaker has a kind of immortality as well! He's been burned and buried alive and was able to come back through regeneration. And will always come back with a vengeance.
The Undertaker sitting up from a casket
Boomstick: And while on the outside taker appears as a mindless zombie, he has shown to be well versed in martial arts. Being called the "Best pure striker" in wrestling on more than one occasion.
Wiz: He can also be granted other-worldly knowledge and MAJOR stat boosts using the 3 books of the dead. A sort of anti-10 commandments of hell.
Boomstick: They can reshape Hell and Earth if you have all three of them at once, and grant stat boosts to the undertaker. With all 3 he was able to use his B I G B R A I N to guard the prison of hell for centuries.
Wiz: But, there's always the weaknesses. The books themselves are not protected by any kind of magical source, and could easily be stolen or even destroyed if not careful.
Boomstick: And taker's body is still technically "human" he is currently slowing down and getting weaker in his old age. Not to mention all the bumps and spills he has taken over his career that would tire out his body.
Wiz: His regeneration also takes time, in the case of a certain beating from Brock Lesnar. Taker was so beaten down, he wasn't seen for over a year! So while he may be immortal, he can still be put down with enough brute force.
Boomstick: But many have fallen and burnt at the Undertaker's feet, including 24 wins at the granddaddy of them all: Wrestlemania, Will Jason be the next to Rest. In. Peace?
Prelude[]
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set. And we've run the data through all possiblities, let's end this debate once and for all
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTTTTLLLLEEEE!!!-
The Fight[]
Pre Death Battle[]
Our scene opens up with a distraught Jason walking up to his mother Pamela's grave in an abandoned cemetery, slowly kneeling down. And in a show of weakness, paying respects to his dead mother.
But before any tears could be shed, lightning struck a nearby grave, and Jason grabbed his machete to go investigate.
Right as the monster loomed over the grave, a hand sprung from the dirt and a startled Jason stepped back, as the Phenom rose from his tomb.
Undertaker shook off the dirt and pointed at Jason: "You are trespassing on hells property. Leave now before I destroy your soul."
Jason didn't speak a word as the pale moonlight shimmered off his blade.
"Then you have chosen death." The Deadman said.
Only the faint whispers of "Ki ki ki Ma ma ma" echoed from Jason as the 2 started to approach each other, growing faster as the distance closed.
FIGHT![]
(Cue: "For Whom the Bell Tolls" Theme for Jason vs. Undertaker)
Jason started by immediately trying to slash a weary undertaker with his large machete, only for the phenom to dodge backwards towards the grave he crawled out of.
But Voorhees kept up his attack and sliced again, only to lodge his machete into the gravestone and receive a swift kick to the sternum by Taker. The undead Jason didn't even react to the kick, as taker took a step back and cracked his knuckles.
"Throw a punch at me boy..." Taker Scowled
A confused Jason tilted his head and attempted to Sucker Punch the deadman, before getting socked in the face and sent staggering back.
"That all you got?!"
Lashing out in anger and using his incredible strength, Jason ripped the whole gravestone out with his machete and shattered it across the undertaker's head.
Yet somehow...
The Deadman barley flinched
But Jason was unperturbed and tried to snap his foe's neck.
...
Taker turned his head, extremely pissed. "I'm gonna make you famous kid."
Jason raised his Machete to split taker's skull in half. But undertaker was too strong, grabbing the machete and bending it into a crescent shape. Jason looked up and down his opponent and responded to the destruction of his machete by giving a nasty headbutt to the undertaker.
Abandoning all that was left of a drawn out fight, the 2 started slugging with each other with haymakers to the face But eventually one had to give, Jason delivered a big shoulder tackle to undertaker, sending flying back into the nearby mausoleum.
Hesitantly Jason peered into the tomb and turned around to walk away, thinking that it was over.
WHACK!
Taker just CRACKED a chair over Jason's back. But yet just like himself, taker couldn't budge Jason. It was like a switch had been flipped within Voorhees.
In a flash he savagely grabbed taker's throat and wrapped the bent machete around it to choke the little semblance of life that remained in the Deadman's soul.
Jason would bludgeon taker with his fists with the cold steel wrapped around the Phenom's neck. Taker spat blood onto Jason's mask, with Voorhees preventing any escape to be had.
Until...
A church bell rang with a loud gong, seemingly from nowhere. And the undertaker had vanished.
...
Jason slowly stood up. As lightning from an incoming storm grew closer.
Not satisfied with his work. Jason started to walk away to find some town to terrorize.
But suddenly!
The Undertaker reappeared before Jason, the 3 books of the dead by his side. And before Voorhees could even react: Taker returned the favor by squeezing Jason by the throat.
"You should've known better than to f**k with the undertaker. Mama's boy.
Jason's eyes widened at the thought of his mother, as taker lifted him off the ground and smashed him into the surrounding debris
Not giving Jason a moment to breathe. Undertaker brought him to his feet
You won't be breaking outta hell this time.
Jason quickly headbutted Taker again, this time leaving a small crack in his mask.
Taker did his trademark "Throat Slash" and proceeded to lift him up for a tombstone piledriver.
But Jason snapped from his trance and broke out of the devastating move, grabbing a nearby shovel and jabbing taker in the back of the neck with it, bringing the phenom to a knee.
Voorhees spun the shovel in his hand once and with a big swing, knocked the undertaker on his back
With evil in his heart, Jason stood on top of the undertaker, ready to impale him with the weapon. But with a crash of thunder the undertaker sat up and connected with a right hook to Jason's abdomen, making him hunch over and drop the shovel.
Taker stood back up and starting chanted in a mystic language, Jason inching closer to him.
BANG!
The ominous storm overhead shot down a lightning onto Jason, Setting the Undead Zombie on fire!
The Monster staggered for a few moments, with the demon of death valley picking up the Shovel and stabbing it right through the cold black heart of Jason.
You see the difference between you and me?
Undertaker Said while Jason slowly pulled his flaming corpse closer down the handle of the shovel
Is that the devil will view you just as another demon...
The 3 books of the dead rose in the air next to their holder and master: The Undertaker
Jason tried to extend his hand towards the Deadman, but would be cut off by the proverbial hounds of hell dragging him down and in his last moments, Jason would be unmasked by his undead superior.
while he still calls me "Sir"
Taker finished off the un-killable Jason by stomping him into the underworld.
K.O.[]
Taker raises his arm in victory, holding his trophy high. While Jason is doomed to spend a long, LONG time in Stygian: Hell's Prison.
Results[]
(Cue: "Ain't no Grave" Johnny Cash)
Boomstick: Un-Holy Shit that was Awesome!
Wiz: Looking at this match normally. This was actually a very close encounter, with neither really having a way to end the match for each other. But for some slight advantages he had, we had to give this one to the deadman.
Boomstick: Starting off with strength, taker had this one in the bag, being able to overpower Hulk Freakin' Hogan is no small feat and was much more impressive than snapping some necks or busting through walls.
Wiz: And while on the surface it looked like Jason would take the speed advantage, moving faster than the eye could track trumps peak human any day. But seeing as he could react to such things as lightning, AND having the ability to teleport. Taker also most likely takes the speed and mobility.
Boomstick: As for arsenal, Jason is more accustomed to more conventional ways of killing via his machete. While Taker might lack any weaponry, his supernatural powers give him a leg up on the "mostly human" Jason.
Wiz: But in the end. None of it really mattered as it was all negated by Jason's incredible durability. No matter how many magic tricks or body blows he hit. Jason just wouldn't. Stay. Down. While it could be argued Jason only needed 1 good swipe with the machete to possibly immobilize taker long enough to get a win. Right?
Boomstick: Well. This COULD be true if it were not for 1 thing...
Wiz: The 3 Books of the dead. You see, as we mentioned earlier, the books give taker a large intelligence boost, and gave him free reign over hell and earth, which explains why he could Momentarily use Jason's Mommy Complex against him. And by using his control over the realm, All taker needed was to weaken Jason enough to ensure he would be sent back to here he belongs. And while Jason will most likely find a way to escape and kill again, his undertaker will not be far behind.
Boomstick: Guess you can say this battle was his for the underTAKING
Wiz: The Winner is The Undertaker!
