James Ironwood vs. Handsome Jack is Episode 4 of Koboldy’s Death Battles. It features James Ironwood from the RWBY webseries by Rooster Teeth, and Handsome Jack from the Borderlands series of videogames.
| James Ironwood vs. Handsome Jack | |
|---|---|
| |
| Season | 1 |
| Season Episode | 4 |
| Air date | 7/31/2021 |
| Written by | Koboldy |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Byakuya vs. Rui |
Next Mettaton vs. 1010 |
Description[]
RWBY vs. Borderlands! Two fallen heroes who still believe they are doing what is right for the world. Which of these so-called heroes will end up being on the right side of history in this bloody battle?
Interlude[]
Wiz: Walking the path of a hero is not always an easy one. Constant temptations, the question of if you are right or wrong to begin with, and numerous challenges along the way.
Boomstick: But some people step away from that heroic path, whether they realize it or not.
Wiz: James Ironwood, the hardened general of Atlas.
Boomstick: And Handsome Jack, the corporate dictator of Pandora.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win…a Death Battle.
Ironwood[]
Wiz: It takes a lot to be a commanding officer. You have to be intelligent, able to take command and responsibility for everyone under your lead. You have to be able to show your own strength, be able to fight in the battles you command. And above all else, you have to be able to make the tough decisions that others won’t. Sometimes ironing your own heart to do so.
Boomstick: Like some kinda…iron man, would you say?
Wiz: ...No. Enter James Ironwood, general and overall leader of the country of Atlas.
Boomstick: Heh. You said “iron wood”.
Wiz: Ironwood started off as an ally to the heroes of Remnant, being part of Ozpin’s “inner circle” and one of his trusted friends. Being tasked with keeping the secret of the Maidens and the all-powerful Relic out of the clutches of Salem.
Boomstick: Buuuuuut things kinda changed for ol’ Irondick when Beacon went kablooey. He started getting more and more paranoid, believing the other kingdoms might declare war, effectively locking Atlas off from the rest of the world with embargos and border closings. Not to mention things weren’t exactly, uh…all too great at home either.
Wiz: And all that came to a head when Team RWBY and Team JNR crossed the border into Atlas territory. While initially Ironwood welcomed them with open arms and things seemed to be going alright, with Ironwood working together with both Robyn and Team RWBY, it was revealed that Salem was knocking on their doorstep. Causing Ironwood’s paranoia to fire up once again, becoming now an enemy to the heroes, even going so far as to shoot a young Oscar Pine down the vault where the Relic of Creation was held.
Boomstick: Jeez, and I thought my outbursts were unprofessional.
Wiz: Regardless, Ironwood himself has been shown to be quite the combatant. Being able to hold his own against Hunters and Huntresses like Jaune, Nora, and Ren and even managing to overpower his own most trusted subordinate Winter Schnee before she acquired her Maiden powers.
Boomstick: And of course, when you’re leading one of the militarized kingdoms on Remnant, ya gotta be packing heat! And that’s where his personalized weapon…or, weapons, I guess, come into play!
Wiz: Due Process is a pair of revolvers specifically made for Ironwood. The white one fires regular and explosive bullets, while the black one fires gravity dust bullets, allowing himself a lot of maneuverability on the battlefield.
Boomstick: And those suckers pack one hell of a punch, being able to casually blast through Grimm like it was nothing! Not to mention the other secret those guns of his have in store.
Wiz: Due Process can be slotted into a cannon, one that was specifically designed to kill Penny Poledina who was an android with maiden powers. Though it was never used on Penny herself, its destructive capabilities are not easy to dismiss. Being able to blow holes or create craters in things like hard marble, metal, or even disintegrate an average human to ash.
Boomstick: Oooh! Wiz, Wiz, can I get one!?
Wiz: Ab-so-LUTEly not.
Boomstick: Killjoy. Anyway! That being said, that cannon can’t just burn through everyone willy-nilly. Ironwood himself took a reflected blast of this cannon fire and while he definitely wasn’t okay, he was alive!
Wiz: Winter also managed to take a hit from it, though the blast itself was more than likely diluted due to piercing through one of her glyphs. Granted, it knocked her directly onto the ground, and even though it didn’t break her Aura, a couple hits from Ironwood afterwards definitely did.
Boomstick: Guess you don’t get to be called General without being stronger than your subordinates. Or carry around a bigger gun than them.
Wiz: Indeed, Ironwood is arguably one of the strongest shown fighters in the world of Remnant. Easily holding his own against multiple people, and overpowering Winter who was shown to be an even match for even Qrow back in their squabble at Beacon. If it weren’t for Winter gaining Maiden powers right at the last second, Ironwood would have claimed a definitive victory.
Boomstick: Yeah, and speaking of Aura, Ironwood has access to it just like every other Hunter and Huntress in the world of Remnant! With that shield effectively acting as an HP bar, and if you hit zero, you go *plpffft*!
Wiz: I would have put that in more elegant terms, but yes, that effectively sums it up. While the blast that was reflected by Winter more than likely broke his Aura due to the state he was in when Salem and Cinder found him, it was one of the few times that his Aura broke in the first place. The other notable example being when it took the entirety of Team JNR, Oscar Pine, Emerald Sustrai, and Winter Schnee to even do that much.
Boomstick: And that was Ironwood without guns! Who knows what would’ve happened if Ironwood was actually packing heat during that fight!
Wiz: Regardless, the general is not without his flaws. His paranoia can get the better of him, leading him to be rather easily manipulated by the forces that work against the good of the world. Additionally, unlike other Hunters and Huntresses, Ironwood’s Semblance doesn’t help him in combat.
Boomstick: “Mettle”, as it’s known, is mostly a passive Semblance like Qrow’s Misfortune. Though, in Ironwood’s case, it mostly just makes him a huge jackass.
Wiz: More…specifically, Mettle hardens Ironwood’s heart. Making it easier for him to make hard decisions and steer him towards his goal no matter what the cost. Which, while great for being a commander, it’s not something that can help turn the tide of battle when he would need to.
Boomstick: And that Aura of his isn’t just a shield that can withstand hit after hit. An Aura’s durability is primarily cumulative, degrading over time the more it gets used. AKA, the more Ironwood gets shot in the face, the weaker his Aura gets! It’s like the age old question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop!
Wiz: Regardless, James Ironwood is certainly not a fighter to be trifled with. Between the sheer firepower he brings to the table with Due Process, in addition to the speed and combat capabilities it takes to take on six people at once, this tin man is one that certainly won’t be melted down without one hell of a fight.
Handsome Jack[]
(Borderlands 2 - Bloodshot Ramparts)
Boomstick: Space. It’s big! And filled with all sorts of unknown creatures and life forms that we could only dream of communicating with!...Or, in the case of Pandora, a Mad Max-esque wasteland full of people and creatures that want to murder you, specifically!
Wiz: Now, now. Pandora is not just filled with murder-happy psychopaths and monsters that would make Australia blush. It’s also a host to a number of corporations that will gladly profit off those things trying to kill you by selling you guns, shields, and grenades.
Boomstick: Enter Handsome Jack! A former Hyperion nobody, who, after tricking a group of Vault Hunters into opening the Vault so he could take credit for it, a series of murders of his former bosses, and defeating Colonel Zarpedon, ended up becoming full CEO of Hyperion! And people say corporate takeovers aren’t exciting.
Wiz: Shortly after rising to power in Hyperion, however, Jack also declared himself as the dictator of Pandora. Having stolen the credit for both opening the Vault and killing The Destroyer inside, a creature said to be a threat to the entire planet of Pandora itself. As he intends to rid Pandora of all bandits and threats to the planet, while also simultaneously lining his own pockets.
Boomstick: Yeah…Jack has a bit of a “hero complex”. And by “hero complex”, I mean he thinks what he’s doing is for the good of Pandora and his daughter despite all the horrible things he does…like torturing the people of Pandora!...And torturing his daughter!
Wiz: Handsome Jack did genuinely start with good intentions…at least, according to Athena. He did seem to genuinely want what was best for Pandora and his daughter especially, but as he began to commit more and more evil deeds to get what he wanted, he became exactly that which he hated: a bandit.
Boomstick: And of course, this all came to a head when a different group of Vault Hunters rose up against him. Specifically trying to stop his plan from unleashing yet another Vault creature. Eventually even mercy killing his daughter from Jack’s torture, sending him into a rage that ended in the death of Roland and the kidnapping of Lilith, two of the original Vault Hunters…Wiz, why do I feel sad?
Wiz: Regardless, Handsome Jack did end up meeting his end at the Vault of The Warrior at the hands of the second generation of Vault Hunters. Dying under the belief that he was still a “hero” all this time.
Boomstick:…okay, but f*** that guy.
Wiz: However, despite his death, Handsome Jack didn’t become one of Pandora’s biggest badasses for no reason. Or even purely through his intelligence, being able to manipulate nearly everyone around him into doing his bidding for him.
Boomstick: Much like LITERALLY EVERYONE ON PANDORA, Handsome Jack packs some heavy duty firepower. While he has been shown to use a regular, presumably Hyperion, pistol when he executed Roland, Handsome Jack prefers to use his wrist guns in order to do his dirty work.
Wiz: And those wrist guns can shoot lasers as well as fire off a continuous incendiary stream. But, one doesn’t become a successful CEO and tyrannical ruler without more than just a pair of wrist guns.
Boomstick: Thanks to Hyperion’s vast wealth and complete stranglehold over Pandora, Jack has a couple nifty gadgets and tricks up his sleeve!
Wiz: Jack can create digital clones of himself, and while they don’t pose a meaningful threat, they can act as a momentary distraction. Especially when he goes invisible. Additionally, much like Roland or Axton, Handsome Jack has his own turret he can throw out, one that can very easily cause heavy amounts of damage if left unattended.
Boomstick: And finally, Jack can call upon a robotic surveyor in order to give himself a near impenetrable shield! Or, well. Theoretically impenetrable. Lord knows the Vault Hunters tried to plow through it to no avail.
Wiz: Granted, said shield can be brought down if one simply destroys the surveyor. So, it isn’t something that makes Jack completely invincible.
Boomstick: Of course, all these gadgets matter jack if Handsome Jack was just some scrawny nerd…I think you can get that I’m saying he’s not.
Wiz: As mentioned, Handsome Jack didn’t get far just by his own intelligence and scheming. Jack was able to kill Roland in a single shot, and completely neutralize Lilith, one of the most powerful Vault Hunters on Pandora, before either of them were able to really react. While it was absolutely a sneak attack, it shows that Jack at least can react faster than Lilith, who can keep with other Vault Hunters that have shown to be able to dodge lasers.
Boomstick: Granted, said sneak attack probably had some factor, considering he lost to the second generation of Vault Hunters afterwards. Though they definitely had a lot of help as well.
Wiz: Really, just being able to go toe-to-toe with Vault Hunters to begin with is a hell of a feat in and of itself. These are people who managed to defeat The Destroyer, and while we later learn that the threat of planetary, if not universal, destruction was legitimate…
Boomstick: “The Destroyer” that the OG Vault Hunters fought was only a fraction of it! But even then, a fraction of something like that is still friggin’ nuts! Not to mention the Vault Hunters can blow up shit like the Loaders with ease, and those things are sent down through a cannon on the moon! Meaning they pack some serious durability to come crash landing from there to Pandora.
Wiz: However, Handsome Jack is also incredibly arrogant. In fact, it was his own ego that arguably led to his downfall in the first place. Being so eager to do things that he thinks a “hero” would do, like spare a person he nearly tortured to death, arguably is what brought about his end.
Boomstick: Additionally, nearly every bit of tech that Jack has is destructible. His surveyor shield, his turrets, his digi-clones. Hell, the only thing that hasn’t been shown to be able to be smashed is those wrist guns of his but break his wrists enough and I’m sure those’ll get smashed too!
Wiz: Handsome Jack is a terrifying individual. Between his combat prowess and sheer ability to manipulate seemingly everyone around him, there’s a reason why he so easily managed to conquer both Hyperion and Pandora. Whether you’re friend or foe, there’s very little chance Handsome Jack will show mercy to you if you do anything to anger him.
DEATH BATTLE![]
Borderlands 2 - Southern Shelf Ambient
The sound of gunfire and weapons clashing was heard as a man looked out through the large windows that gave him a view of the battle that was happening underneath. General Ironwood’s Atlesian Paladins mounting a defense against a new type of foe. Not Grimm, not even from one of the other Kingdoms that he was certain would inevitably declare war. They were robotic in nature, constantly raining down from the sky like rain. Though unlike rain, these left large craters in the ground as soon as they collided, though they prepared for battle as if they were none the worse for wear.
“You know, you are a hard man to get a hold of!” The voice of a man outside of his door rang throughout James’ ears as he turned around, the metal doors being quickly blasted apart by a hail of gun fire. Each bullet whizzing past Ironwood’s head as the black-haired man walked towards the door. Preparing himself for the individual who would come crashing through his door any second now.
As the door was reduced to scrap, a man with his brown hair stylized and gelled. Cocky smirk on his face…or, rather, the mask that he wore over his face. A large gun in his hands as well, one he casually tossed the side without any care.
“Alright, so! Woody- can I call you Woody?” Handsome Jack laughed as he addressed the general in front of him; James Ironwood unwavering as he addressed the masked invader that was currently running amok around his kingdom.
“You will address me as General.” Ironwood retorted, his eyes staring down his opponent as he kept his hands behind his back. Ready to grab his pistols at a hair’s notice. Eliciting another round of laughter from Jack as he spoke to respond to Ironwood’s stoicism.
“Right, right, General Woody. Now then! Let’s get down to business, shall we?” Jack smiled as he walked right past Ironwood, moving past the General as if he didn’t exist, immediately taking a seat in his chair and putting his feet up on the desk. “So, you have something I want, and I think you know exactly what it is. So, why don’t you just hand it over, and I’ll only wipe out say…seventy-five percent of Atlas’ population. How’s that sound?”
“I can’t say I know what you’re referring to.” Was Ironwood’s only response, his glare getting fiercer with every passing second that Handsome Jack stayed in his office. In truth, he knew exactly what this invader was after, though how he figured out Atlas’ secret was unknown to him at the moment.
“You know, playing stupid may suit you, but it kinda pisses me off!” Handsome Jacks’ demeanor switched on a dime as he removed his feet from the desk and slammed his fist onto it. His brow furrowing in anger as his voice began to raise in intensity. “Give me the Relic of Creation, or I will feed you to the skags on Pandora limb by goddamn limb!”
Ironwood merely scoffed in response, hands moving to his pistols, knowing full well one of them was not going to be alive by the end of this night.
“Try me.” Was all Ironwood said in response to Handsome Jack’s threat. A growing, manic laugh emerging from the masked man’s face as he slowly stood up from the chair he was sitting in.
“Alright then. You wanna do things the hard way, Woody?” Jack smirked as he began to raise his arms, pointing them towards General Ironwood. “I hope you’re a fan of closed caskets, ‘cause when I’m through with you, they won’t even have a body to put into that coffin.”
FIGHT!
(Brandon Yates - Done and Due Opportunity)
*BANG*
Ironwood was the first to open fire, swiftly pulling out the white revolver half of Due Process. Firing a bullet directly towards Handsome Jack’s skull, the bullet seemingly connecting, but just stopping short as it seemingly connected with a blue aura that surrounded Jack. The man still recoiling from the bullet as he winced slightly, the force of the bullet itself still making its impact.
“Ohohoho! Nice reflexes! But ya see, your bullets ain’t gonna pierce-“
*BANG*
Another shot rang out from Due Process, once again connecting with Handsome Jack’s shield as it absorbed the force and killing potential of the bullet. The bullet itself falling to the ground as if Ironwood had fired nothing but a blank.
“AS I WAS SAYING- I’m wearing Hyperion shields! Top of the line-“
*BANG*
Yet another bullet was fired by Due Process, interrupting Jack for the second time. This one causing his shield to crack, as the blue aura surrounding him began to flicker for the briefest of seconds.
“WOULD YOU STOP SHOOTING ME WHEN I’M TALKING, YOU STUPID SON OF A B-!?!?”
*BANG*
This time, the bullet was dodged.
“I changed my mind. The skags are too good for you, Woody.”
Raising his arms once again, a volley of lasers was fired towards Ironwood, as the General managed to dodge through the hail of laser fire. Moving fast enough that he SLAMMED Handsome Jack into Ironwood’s wooden desk.
*CRACK*
The desk breaking in twain as the weight of two bodies collapsed on top of it, Jack hitting the floor with a grunt as Ironwood collapsed on top of him.
“HEY! That was my future desk! I-“
*BAM*
Ironwood’s right fist collided with Handsome Jack’s face, the shield that Jack wore shuddering from the force of the impact of Ironwood’s right hook. The General having holstered his weapon for the time being as he engaged in fisticuffs. “Fisticuffs”, in this case, being a no-holds barred beatdown on Handsome Jack’s face.
*BAM*
Left hook.
*BAM*
Right hook.
*BAM*
Each strike to Handsome Jack’s face caused his shield to deplete more and more. A scoff leaving Ironwood’s mouth as he stared down the dazed Handsome Jack. If this was truly what the “Dictator of Pandora” could do, then Atlas would be safe. Retrieving Due Process from its, he pointed it directly at Handsome Jack’s skull. Preparing to end this farce of a battle before it ever truly started.
“Atlas will only fall over my dead body.” Ironwood stated as his finger gripped the trigger of the revolver. However, his fatal shot was interrupted by Jack’s laughter, as well as the man quickly grabbing onto the arm that was holding the revolver.
“Over your dead body? Oh… That’s the idea, Woody.” Jack laughed as Ironwood attempted to pull the trigger, only for his arm to be pulled to the side by Jack. The bullet lodging itself in the ground as Ironwood’s attention was drawn to something entirely: namely, a grenade that had apparently been dropped by Handsome Jack while Ironwood was slugging the daylights out of him.
“Y’know, you really should pay more attention to your surroundings!”
*BAM*
This time, a left hook to Ironwood’s face as Handsome Jack pushed Ironwood back, towards the grenade. A grunt leaving Ironwood’s mouth as he quickly pulled out the other half of Due Process, firing a gravity dust bullet to propel himself away from the grenade just as it exploded. The explosion being shockingly large as it seemed to cover most of the office, Ironwood only managing to get out of the way in the nick of time.
*CRASH*
Unfortunately, said escape required Ironwood to evacuate the office wholesale, crashing through his glass window to escape the blast radius. Using his gravity dust bullets to propel himself safely down to the entrance of Atlas Academy, alongside the Loader bots that fell from Pandora’s moonshot. Until he landed down in the front of Atlas Academy, on one knee before standing himself back upright. His eyes greeted immediately with the sight of his army fighting against Jack’s army of robotic opponents. Atlas was in shambles; wreckage and debris scattered across even the military academy he led.
“Oof. Feels bad, don’t it? Everything you worked for…everything you built! Just brought to ruin by one person.” Ironwood heard Jack speak as he closed his eyes, the Pandoran invader having skidded down the side of the building to come face to face with his foe yet again. Seemingly no worse for wear after the beatdown he had suffered at the fists of Ironwood. James closing his eyes as his head raised to the sky, with Jack continuing to speak.
“I mean, granted, that one person was me, but y’know. So how ‘bout that surrendering, huh? Tell you what, I’ll even spice up the deal from last time!” Jack continued meandering on, Ironwood paying no, or very little attention, to Jack’s words as he turned to face the man once again. His steely glare not wavering no matter how many insults or threats Jack threw his way.
“As I said. Atlas will never fall.” Ironwood calmly stated as he drew Due Process once more, pointing it directly at Jack. A disappointed sigh leaving the masked man’s lips. “Especially not to the likes of you.”
“Oh, Woody…You wanna know what I did to the last Atlas that tried to stand up against me?” A cocky smile came across Jack’s face as he pressed a button on his wrist. Suddenly two additional Jacks had appeared, as Ironwood’s eyes darted between the three of them…no, two of them. The original Handsome Jack had disappeared.
“A cheap cloaking device.” Ironwood thought to himself as the Digi-clones fired on him, though unlike the regular Jack, these clones didn’t seem to possess nearly as much fire power. Ironwood swiftly disposing of one clone with a bullet to the skull, as he rushed to slug the other one in the face as they both quickly dissipating. A small bit of satisfaction coming across his face as he might not have shut up the Handsome Jack, but he at least shut up a Handsome Jack.
“Eyes on me, dipshit!” Ironwood heard Jack’s voice behind him, wrist guns pointed at the back of his skull. A cocky smirk on his face, though that smirk quickly disappeared as Ironwood swiftly turned around and grabbed Jack’s arm with his left hand. Delivering a blow to Jack’s face as he hit him with the butt of Due Process, causing Jack to recoil in pain as Ironwood delivered a jab to his stomach. Ironwood’s assault finally ending by him grabbing Handsome Jack’s body, lifting him off the ground and throwing him behind him. Handsome Jack’s body slamming onto the cold pavement of Atlas, his shield shattering as he collided with the ground.
“You really should stop talking as if you’ve already won.” Ironwood calmly stated as he pointed Due Process as Handsome Jack’s head, the masked man groaning as he sat back up on one after being thrown to the ground. His breath heavy after sustaining such a sustained beating.
“And you…” Jack said as he pulled an odd shaped, mechanical looking package from his back. A smile no longer on his face as he quickly tossed it pass Ironwood. A mechanical sound coming from behind him as Ironwood glanced behind, the sight of a turret forming as its barrel was pointing directly at him. “…need to just die like the worthless piece of shit that you are.”
A volley of gunfire was let loose from the turret as Ironwood cursed under his breath, dodging out of the way of the gunfire that was trained on him. Allowing Handsome Jack to use his invisibility cloak once again to disappear from Ironwood’s sight. As for Ironwood himself, dealing with the turret was an innately frustrating being. Ironwood was able to run circles around the turret for the most part, but the turret followed him with pinpoint accuracy. A groan leaving his lips as he set Due Process for another mode of fire, pointing the white revolver as he ran circles around the turret, firing a single explosive round into it as the bullet exploded. The sound of the gunfire halting as the explosion rung out, the turret breaking into pieces.
“Look alive, general!” Handsome Jack’s voice was right behind Ironwood as he felt Jack’s hand on his back, as well as something being placed onto his back. It wasn’t long before he heard the sound of beeping as well; Handsome Jack having placed a sticky grenade onto the back of the general. Going invisible as quickly as he reappeared, so he could dodge away from the incoming explosion.
But General Ironwood was not a stupid man. He had just vanished; he couldn’t have gotten very far. And if he just focused on the sound of Jack’s boots on the concrete…
There.
Ironwood reached for air, though it wasn’t air that he had grabbed. He had grabbed onto Handsome Jack’s wrist before the man had made off, the masked invader reappearing right in front of him with a look of shock on his face. Jack’s widened eyes meeting James’ iron gaze for just a moment.
*BOOM*
The ground crumbled underneath the both of them as they fell through the concrete, the grenade causing enough damage to blow a hole into the ground as the two of them fell into what appeared to be Atlas Academy’s training room. A large, open area where Hunters and Huntresses could fight and train to their heart’s content. Both combatants hitting the neon blue and black tiled floor with a *CRASH* as dust and debris surrounded the both of them.
Or, rather, only one of them came down with a crash.
“Hey, are you dead? ‘Cause I’m gettin’ reeeeeeeeeaaal tired of all this crap.” Handsome Jack’s voice was heard as a mechanical flying robot circled around him, a wispy yellow trail following it as Jack was encased inside of a yellow bubble. A special Hyperion barrier that protected him from almost anything and everything, especially grenades.
Jack watched as the dust began to settle, waiting to see the corpse of his foe lying before him. Or, at least, a barely conscious Ironwood so that he could kill him himself.
“Actually, I changed my mind. I’d rather you be alive, so I can show you the very important distinction between choking and s-“
*BRIIII-SHOOOOOM*
A green blast of energy was fired directly at Handsome Jack, though his barrier completely absorbed the shot. As the dust settled completely, Ironwood stood at the other end of the room, his blue aura shimmering from the result of the explosion and the fall. As well as a large cannon in his hands, his Due Process slotted into the sides to act as its handles as smoke flew from the barrel. A green aura still emitting from the cannon itself, as green flames surrounded the ground around Handsome Jack. Ironwood’s glare shooting daggers into Handsome Jack who merely smirked in response.
“Compensating for something there, Woody? Doesn’t really matter what kinda guns you bring out against this bad boy, it’ll just-“ Handsome Jack motioned to rap his knuckles against the yellow barrier, however, the sound of an explosion cut him off, as his barrier swiftly dissipated. His head turning back to see his surveyor turned into scrap as it fell to the ground in smoke. “…goddammit.”
Handsome Jack quickly turned back to face Ironwood as the green aura of the cannon charged up once again, firing its attack at Jack as he was launched backwards into one of the rectangular pillars that lined the room. His shield shattered in an instant as Jack for once felt the full brunt of one of Ironwood’s attacks. Wearily standing up as he put out the flames that were on his clothes.
“Impressive. Usually this would evaporate a person.” Ironwood calmly said as he slowly walked towards Handsome Jack, the masked mean breathing heavily now. Though it wasn’t like Ironwood was in better shape, his aura on the brink of breaking. Both men currently near their limits. “Let’s put an end to this.”
Ironwood dashed forward, cannon in his hand as he prepared to fire another blast. With Jack frantically summoning his Digi-Clones as he turned invisible.
“Tsk.” Taking out the Digi-Clones was easy for Ironwood, slamming the cannon into the face of one as well as instantly evaporating the other with a cannon blast. They were momentary distractions, used as Jack intended: to give himself a way out. But, finding Jack should be easy, if Ironwood concentrated. All he would need to do is find the sounds of his boots just like last time, and-
*PEW PEW PEW*
But Handsome Jack was not a stupid man.
The lasers from Handsome Jack’s wrist guns hit Ironwood in volleys as he stumbled backwards, Handsome Jack reappearing in the same spot he went invisible in. He had never even moved.
“I gotta admit, you using the sound of my footsteps out there to grab hold of me was pretty clever! But, as the saying goes, fool me once-“ Jack was interrupted by the sound of Ironwood’s cannon charging again, a laser being fired at him: though this one was dodged.
“You really aren’t one for letting others speak, huh?” Handsome Jack shrugged as he tapped his wrist. Tired, but still more than willing to put up a fight. Ironwood grunted as he recovered from the attacks, dodging Handsome Jack’s attempt at firing at him. If he could dodge long-range attacks, then short-range would just have to do the trick. Preparing to slam his cannon into Handsome Jack’s skull…
Only for it to collide with the yellow barrier as Ironwood’s attack effortlessly bounced off it.
“What, you think I only had one of them? Nah, mass production, baby!” Handsome Jack laughed inside of his orb as Ironwood’s fire changed focus to the flying Surveyor that was circling around Jack.
But Ironwood had made the mistake of getting in close to Handsome Jack. The man pointing both of his wrist guns at Ironwood as a stream of fire erupted from them, Ironwood suddenly shouting in pain as he was engulfed in flames. Quickly trying to put himself out by slamming his gloved hands into his clothes.
“Feeling a bit hot under the collar there, Woody?!” Handsome Jack laughed as, in addition to the stream of fire, he tossed a turret right next to the still on-fire Ironwood. A torrent of gunfire erupting from the turret as Ironwood took each bullet to his body until he collapsed onto his knees, his blue aura having broken from the sheer onslaught of Handsome Jack’s weaponry.
However, Jack wouldn’t let his turret have the honor of having his kill. No. Recalling the turret as well as the surveyor, Handsome Jack calmly walked over to the singed and battered Ironwood. His white attire now scorched black from the flames, smoke rising from his body.
“You know, it’s funny.” Handsome Jack chuckled to himself as he walked towards Ironwood, his hands gesturing around. “You reeeeeaaally think you’re the hero, huh? The ‘great general of Atlas’ who’ll keep his kingdom safe from those who threaten to harm it.”
Jack crouched down, wanting to look Ironwood in the eyes as he spoke. Though the general’s eyes appeared lifeless as he held his weapon limply in his right hand. His eyes cast downward, seemingly unaware if Jack was even speaking.
“Oh, Woody…how far you have fallen. You think you’re in a position to save Atlas?” Jack chuckled to himself, pointing his wrist gun at the General’s head. “Just leave everything to me, Woody. I’ll be the hero that Atlas truly-“
The life had not left Ironwood just yet. Whether driven by instinct or anger, he once again rose his cannon up towards Handsome Jack, the barrel pointed directly at his chest. His glare turning to fury as the green aura of the cannon lit up, the trigger pulled, and a blast launched square into Handsome Jack’s heart. The man launched backwards as he flew through the air before smashing his back against a pillar. A pained wince coming across his face as he slid down it.
“As long as I am alive…” Ironwood said through pained breaths, wearily standing to his feet in triumph. “I will be the hero…who protects this kingdom. Everything I have, and will do, will-“
*PEW*
“GURGHK!” Ironwood’s hand went to his throat, which currently had a singed hole in it where Handsome Jack’s laser had pierced through. No blood pouring from the wound, the hole in his throat almost instantly being cauterized as Ironwood gasped for air.
“I! AM! SO! GOD! DAMN! SICK! OF! BEING! INTERRUPTED! EVERY! GOD! DAMN! TIME!!!” Handsome Jack fired one of his wrist lasers at Ironwood after each word, the *PEWS* of his weapons acting as punctuation in addition to the man’s screaming. Holes now riddling through Ironwood’s body as his aura was completely broken, and an electric blue aura around Jack himself seemingly replenishing as he continued firing as the wounded General. Walking towards him as he took every shot.
“You are NOTHING more…” Jack started as he finally reached the General after being blown across the room, raising his leg and pushing it against Ironwood’s chest as he slammed James to the ground. Delivering a punch to Ironwood’s face as blood began to pool out of the man’s mouth.
*BAM*
“…than an ARROGANT!”
*BAM*
“SELFISH!”
*BAM*
“WORTHLESS!”
*BAM*
“PIECE OF GARBAGE!!!”
Raising both of his hands clasped together, Handsome Jack rained one final blow onto Ironwood’s now nearly caved in face. The General still, weakly trying to raise his weapon, but could not muster the strength to do so. Choking on air as he struggled to breath, teeth missing from his mouth.
“And I…”
*BAM*
“…am the goddamn hero.”
Jack laughed as he kneeled down onto Ironwood’s near lifeless body, wrapping his bloodied hands around Ironwood’s neck. The man, stubborn and determined as he was, still clinging to life.
“…Now. As I was saying, Woody. Do you want to know…” Handsome Jack’s smile grew manic as his hands tightened around Ironwood’s neck, the man now gasping for what little air he could as Handsome Jack began to crush what was left of his windpipe.
“…the difference between choking and strangulation?”
The last bit of light began to leave Ironwood’s eyes as his eyes grew bloodshot, his gasps turning to gurgles as his neck began to be completely destroyed.
*SNAPCRACK*
A sigh left Handsome Jack’s lips as Ironwood went motionless, the masked man dusting himself off as he stood up.
“Tsk! Oh, son of a bitch, I forgot to ask where he kept the relic!” Handsome Jack facepalmed as a bloody handprint appeared on his mask, before shrugging. “Ah well, I’m sure that robot chick or the ice bitch will be able to tell me. Assuming they’re still alive, anyhow.”
Jack smiled to himself as he walked off, looking for the exit to the room. Ironwood’s lifeless, bloody corpse laying in the middle of the once prestigious Atlas training room.
KO!
Conclusion[]
(Borderlands 2 - Handsome Jack Boss Theme)
Boomstick: Hey, uh, Wiz? Can we show this on TV?
Wiz: I mean, I don’t see why not. There’s been plenty of more gr-
Boomstick: Great! ‘Cause EVERYONE needs to see how awesome that was!
Wiz: *sigh* Regardless, this fight was actually slightly closer than one might imagine. Handsome Jack certainly had majority of the stat advantages, being able to be compared to the Vault Hunters who can take down common enemies like the Loaders, who survived completely unscathed being shot from the Moon.
Boomstick: Buuuuut Ironwood’s cannon provided a nifty little challenge to Jack’s complete and utter blowout. With how much firepower that thing packed, being able to bring a skilled Hunter or Huntress to the brink of death while completely evaporating a normal person, Ironwood could probably obliterate most of Jack’s options.
Wiz: Both Jack’s turret and Surveyor were easily dispatched by the Vault Hunters, so it’s fair to say that Ironwood could probably also take them out pretty easily. Additionally, Ironwood was far more skilled in close range combat than Jack was. Plus, he had greater maneuverability with his gravity dust bullets. If Ironwood could consistently close that gap, there are scenarios in which Ironwood could’ve eeked out a win.
Boomstick: Unfortunately for ‘ol Irondick, those scenarios are overall pretty unlikely. Ironwood was pretty dang smart, ya kinda have to be when you’re a general, but while Ironwood specializes in military tactics, Jack specializes in manipulation and trickery. And as we mentioned, Ironwood doesn’t exactly have the best track record in the whole ‘not-being-manipulated’ category.
Wiz: Not only that, but there was just the pure stat difference that Ironwood would’ve had to overcome. Handsome Jack was far more durable than Ironwood was, being able to take attacks from the Vault Hunters, who, as we mentioned, can blow through Loaders like chump change. And of course, being able to damage them as well.
Boomstick: Additionally, Jack’s arsenal was far greater than Ironwood’s was. While, yeah, Ironwood could blow most of them up, they still provided Jack way more opportunities to wear Ironwood down.
Wiz: And speaking of being worn down, there’s another factor in terms of their durability. Ironwood’s Aura, which protects him from taking fatal blows, is a powerful shield to be sure. But the problem is taking damage to his Aura multiple times means it gets weaker and weaker. Compare that to Jack’s shield, which, like any shield the Vault Hunters use, will regenerate after a period of not being attacked. Something that Ironwood’s Aura just doesn’t have.
Boomstick: So if Ironwood’s Aura went kaput, that was basically it for him. But if Handsome Jack’s shield went kaput, he could just avoid combat with the general for a bit and he’d be right as rain. Something he could pretty easily do with that invisible cloak of his.
Wiz: In general, Handsome Jack just had more tricks up his sleeve than Ironwood could hope to contend with. While Ironwood has certainly fought tricky opponents before, such as Watts, they were generally weaker or on-par with the General himself. Unlike Jack, who managed to out-stat Ironwood in most meaningful ways.
Boomstick: In the end, Ironwood generally could do jack all against his opponent.
Wiz: The winner is Handsome Jack.
Trivia[]
- The connection between the two fighters are that they are two people who believe they are doing good for their respective places they rule over (Atlas and Pandora respectively), while both regarding themselves as the "hero". Ironwood himself having a song called "Hero", where it shows from his perspective what he thinks Atlas needs, while Handsome Jack having a dying rant about how he is the hero of the story and the Vault Hunters are all a bunch of bandits.
- This battle was inspired by the track commissioned by Jacob, and done by Brandon Yates.