Prelude[]
"James Bond vs Tomb Raider"! Which bold, badass Brit will take home the crown? Who will live to die another day? And who's tomb will have to be raided?
Description[]
"James Bond vs Lara Croft" is a What If Death Battle by LukeTime128. It his his ninth What If Death Battle. It features James Bond from the film franchise of the same name, and Lara Croft from the "Tomb Raider" series of video games.
Disclaimer[]
For Bond, a composite film version will be used in order to ensure fairness with regards to arsenal. For Lara, a composite video game version will be used to ensure rules about composite characters are kept consistent, and because both possess relatively similar feats anyway.
Introduction[]
Wiz: With the formation of the SAS in 1941, the United Kingdom established itself as a modern military pioneer capable of rivalling their US counterparts, with their martial might and covert skills being transitioned to fictional works in due time.
Boomstick: America may be great, but no one's arguing that a badass Brit is a nice change of pace from time to time.
Wiz: James Bond, the greatest double-O agent in MI6's catalogue
Boomstick: And Lara Croft, the awesome archaeologist of Tomb Raider. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
James Bond[]
Sylvia: I admire your luck, Mr...?
Bond: Bond. James Bond.
Wiz: Born the son of a Scottish father and a Swiss mother, James Bond is one of MI6's finest agents. Thanks to his private education and wealthy upbringing, Bond developed multiple skills in his youth that would prepare him for his covert operations, such as learning both French and German languages and briefly attending Eton College at 12 years old.
Boomstick: Damn, he's smarter than I thought! But of course, as with all badass heroes, Bond's parents were killed on a climbing accident when he was just eleven years old. Or assassinated. It's a spy series; nobody actually knows anything about Bond's past.
Wiz: Bond has also attended Cambridge University before joining the Ministry of Defence and the Royal Navy, easily earning the title of commander. Naturally, with such an exceptional background, he was accepted into MI6 with flying colours, becoming their youngest agent to reach the rank of 00.
Boomstick: And that's how he became the legendary 007! Master of firearms, espionage extraordinaire, and seducer of all the ladies a an could ever want.
Wiz: Yeah, Bond is certainly prone to some... well-known vices. But even then, 007 is still more than capable of completing any mission assigned to him.
Boomstick: And at his side through it all is his favourite gun: the Walther PPK. This German beauty may not be the most accurate pistol in the world, but with a crack shot like Bond at the trigger, why does it need to be? It holds seven rounds and comes with a suppressor that Bond... doesn't actually use all that frequently despite being, you know, a super stealth spy.
Wiz: The PPK isn't the only pistol Bond has wielded, however, as he was eventually able to convince his superiors to let him use the Walther PP9.
Boomstick: Hey! Hands off the guns! That's my job! This precious pistol holds a whole 16 rounds and is even more accurate than the PPK. Not that it matters anyway since Bond never really misses a shot in the first place. Ad thanks to his decades off experience, Bond can use basically any other gun or melee weapon that he comes across.
Wiz: But any knowledgeable Bond fan knows we're not even scratching the surface of the kinds of tools Bond can carry. Thanks to MI6's legendary quartermasters, or Qs, Bond has plenty of extra gadgets to rely on to escape just about any situation.
Boomstick: Seriously, these guys make Wiz's inventions look tame, and he has a fridge that disintegrates people if they leave it open for too long.
Wiz: Heh heh heh... of course, why wouldn't I... wait, how do you know?
Boomstick: Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.
Wiz: Um... okay. Well, Bond's tools are efficient both in combat and escape situations. These include briefcases that release tear gas, poisonous dart guns, belts that fire grappling wires, and even exploding pens.
Bond: The writing's on the wall?
Q: (chuckling) Along with the rest of him!
Wiz: Bond has also worn watches that shoot lasers, watches that work as magnets, and rings that emit sonic rays capable of breaking glass. Though these gadgets are designed more for escaping a sticky situation than combat, Bond's ingenuity lets him use his tools in ways not even other special forces agents are able to predict.
Boomstick: But for as creative as Bond is, it's not like he needs it when he's got military grade supercars! Bond's awesome job gives him access to tons of awesome cars, like ones that turn into submarines and ones that can turn invisible! But Bond's best car is easily the sleek-looking Aston Martin Vanquish
Wiz: The "Vanish" Vanquish is named as such for a reason, with its most iconic feature being its cloaking device, turning it completely invisible.
Boomstick: Well that's dumb. How would he know where he parked it?
Note: The invisibility system of the Vanquish was actually deemed to be possible, though the actual usage of such an ability is impractical even with modern technology. A 2012 episode of Top Gear highlights that the concept, though plausible, wouldn't even be suited to casual driving.
Wiz: Well, the shotguns, machine guns and rocket launchers that poke out from the hood or grill would probably make it stand out too much otherwise. In addition, the Vanish's reinforced chassis can let it tank most conventional weapons with ease, while the spikes in the wheels make it even easier for Bond to keep control of the car's traction. The car also has radial thermal imaging, capable of tracking specific targets through complex paths.
Boomstick: And as if all this wasn't cool enough, Bond's car is remote-controlled! Because... of course it is! Apparently it's to keep himself safe from harm while his car does all the work, but given its ejector seat, who cares?
Note: The Vanish's control panel shows that it is also equipped with mortars, grenades, and lasers, though none of these are shown being used. Though the Vanquish was equipped with more tools in the Nightfire video game, these are excluded due to conflicting with established facts in the movies.
Wiz: Even with Bond's powers, he is still incredibly strong on his own.
Boomstick: He's grappled with the likes of Jaws and Oddjob, taken down expert assassins like Scaramanga and Red Grant, and even overpowered former expert MI6 agents like Alec Trevelyan and Raoul Silva. During his fight with Alec, he forced himself through a metal gate, knocking it down in the process! He's overpowered people who can wrestle with alligators, and Jaws can even wrestle sharks. How fitting...
Wiz: Bond has broken through solid walls with and doors with relative ease, and break tables with little effort. And being able to keep up with Jaws means that Bond can duel with someone who can wrestle an animal weighing 0.13 tonnes.
Note: For the sake of argument, this shark was assumed to be a bull shark, given its appearance and saltwater habitat. Its actual species is not confirmed. Jaws is likely stronger, given he was able to lift a giant steel wheel with minimal help that weighs around 5 tons, but he's depicted as being stronger than Bond anyway.
Wiz: Bond can also consistently dodge close range gunfire, and in Skyfall pulled up a human shield to block bullets after they had already been fired. The gunman appears to be about 15 feet away from Bond. Though the gun is difficult to identify exactly, we can at least compare it to an Uzi's muzzle velocity of 1300 feet per second. With this in mind, Bond would have to react in just over one hundredth of a second (0.0115, to be exact).
Boomstick: Whoa! And Bond's certainly tough enough to take a bullet. Hell, he's tough enough to take a bullet that knocked him hundreds of feet into a ravine. He's even survived a HALO jump despite only barely activating his parachute over the ground!
Wiz: And Bond is at least somewhat comparable to his foes. Like Alec Trevelyan, who fell an even greater height than Bond from a satellite tower and still survived. With his abilities, not even Bond's alcoholism or tendency to be... distracted during missions is enough to hold him back.
Boomstick: England's greatest super spy never dies on the job; that's for another day.
Girl: But James, I need you!
Bond: So does England! (leaves)
Lara Croft[]
Random Mook: Oh shit! She's still alive?
Lara: Yes, I'm still alive
Wiz: Born into an upper class English family, financed by her father's work, Lara Croft was dissatisfied with her aristocratic lifestyle and societal expectations.
Boomstick: Awh come on, lady! Why would you NOT want to have all the money in the world? You even get a creepy old butler to lock in the kitchen when you get bored!
Wiz: True, but Lara felt that her incredibly structured and secure life was too boring and unfulfilling. Her boredom didn't last forever, though. as when she was 21, a plane crash left her stranded in hostile conditions. The prospect of being forced to rely on only herself excited Lara, feeling a sense of fulfilment she had never felt before.
Boomstick: So she abandoned her rich family and left home to make a name for herself, working her way to immense riches with only her exploration and survival skills. Eh, beats being married to some rich weirdo.
Note: The Tomb Raider video game series is split into multiple continuities. For this battle these are all composited, similar to how all of Bond's movies are composited.
Boomstick: At least Lara's good enough to succeed on even the scariest of quests.
Wiz: Lara has received training from some of the world's leading experts in martial arts and marksmanship skills. She's also incredibly knowledgeable about archaeological facts and discoveries, befitting her interests in history and her father's own archaeological pursuits.
Boomstick: And with her dual Heckler and Koch pistols, she can take on just about anyone who tries to get in the way of her path to treasure. Even giant T-rexes! These guns carry 15 bullets in each clip, giving Lara effectively 30 bullets to take down foes before needing to reload.
Wiz: Lara also uses several other weapons for combat and exploration. She's wielded shotguns, grappling hooks, explosives, rifles and a bow with several different kinds of arrows, ranging from explosive to rope arrows, and even poison arrows. And being ambidextrous, she can aim just fine with either of her hands.
Note: Lara usually picks up weapons from fallen enemies or crafts them from gathered materials, rather than carrying them around with her normally. Therefore, it is only reasonable to give her standard equipment for this duel.
Boomstick: And as mentioned previously, Lara is awesome at martial arts. She's already strong enough to overpower people way bigger than she is, but with her kickboxing skills they'd be lucky to take many hits from her. She's trained in a great variety of other styles, using moves that seem reminiscent of Judo and Krav Maga, though her exact training is unclear.
Wiz: She also has a climbing axe, perfectly suited for scaling walls and cliff sides as well as caving in skulls.
Boomstick: Ah... I miss my climbing axe. I took down so many squirrels with that thing. And trees... and bears.
Wiz: Lara's main gift, however, is her ability to always keep a cool head in the thick of battle. Her missions usually put her in life-threatening conditions as is, so this is a given. But with her intellect, Lara can emerge victorious in just about any combat situation.
Boomstick: Lara will do anything to get the treasure she's set her sights on. Keeping all her treasures secure in her mansion, Lara guards her accomplishments with her life, eve being willing to destroy them to stop them from falling into other hands! Damn, she's hardcore! No wonder she was easily able to complete a whole adventure after being impaled by a rusty pipe! And that was after a really bad fall.
Wiz: Lara's killed dragons, yetis, and of course, T-rexes. She can consistently defeat incredibly strong human beings in CQC, even those on her level. Especially impressive, given her own strength. We've previously discussed her ability to shove 27 tonne building blocks, but that's not even scratching the surface.
Boomstick: Lara can hold up steel gates weighing in the single-digit tonnes, even while drowning. She's even badass enough to kill a giant wolf with just a dinky tactical knife! Whoa, you think these giant animals would stop messing with her by now. Like, what's Sif gonna do to a giant dragon? And Lara's killed both! By herself!
Wiz: A grey wolf's bite can reach up to 1500 psi, just under enough to break any bone in the human body. Lara's also incredibly acrobatic and athletic. She can dodge bullets and even make precise shots in split seconds.
Note: Many of Lara's best quick shots are from sources outside of the games, but given her presentation in the games versus her presentation in these, she seems more consistently quick in the games (dodging bullets more easily), so these feats aren't unreasonable.
Wiz: She can even outrun grizzly bears and wolves on foot, solidly placing her running speeds at over 50 miles per hour. With this in mind, it's no wonder she can dodge bullets fired from military helicopters, which have a muzzle velocity of 1,390 meters per second.
Boomstick: And as we've mentioned, Lara's super tough. Not even a 200 foot fall even phases her, and a helicopter crash was barely a threat to her safety. Explosions that have completely destroyed stone bridges can't kill her, and her main concern when she was caught in a bear trap was that there was no one around to help her get out of it. Not that it mattered, obviously.
Wiz: That being said, Lara's not invincible. She clearly has limits, since a fatal impalement to one of her vital organs will definitely put her down. She's also quite reckless, in case her thrill-seeking lifestyle didn't make that obvious enough.
Boomstick: Yeah, being a badass Indiana Jones archaeologist seems pretty cool until you actually die. But hey, it's safe to say that Lara's more energised than fearful, even with the threat of death looming over her.
Wiz: Truly an epic adventurer, just like she always wanted to be.
Lara: I'd finally set out to make my mark; to find adventure. But instead, adventure found me.
Pre-fight[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set and we've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BAAAAATTLE!
Fight[]
The moon hung over the Italian city of Florence. As a small number of pedestrians walked across the midnight streets, a much larger group of people were gathered in a large estate on the outskirts of the city. Inside, tens of people were partying and drinking, wearing tuxedos and dresses - a middle/upper-class party.
The building's main hall was filled with guests, with a stage at the back. Items were on display on a shelf, with a man in the centre of them, speaking into a microphone. This party was more than that - it was an auction. But one of these guests was not here to bid. He stood on the sidelines, sipping a martini - shaken, of course, not stirred. This was James Bond, here on the orders of his superiors at MI6. He spoke quietly into an earpiece, nobody noticing him contacting his allies.
Bond: Bond here. Nothing of note besides the cheap wine and cheaper company.
M: I suggest you keep a closer eye on them, 007. We don't fully know what to expect.
Bond: A treasure hunter? Sure, I'll look for anyone with a brown hat and a whip. Miss Croft won't know what hit her, trust me.
Bond leaned back against a wall, watching another golden statue being sold away. Aztec, 16th century, probably. But Bond had seen plenty of rare valuables here already. 007 leaned back against the wall, not thinking much of the situation, but keeping an eye on the party-goers around him. Well, until he couldn't.
Bond was caught by surprise when the lights shut down, startling the guests and causing a brief ruckus. The blackout didn't last long, but when the lights kicked back in, the treasures that were on sale were all gone. Bond realised what had happened, and quickly opened the door behind him, the chaos of the freaked-out guests giving him a suitable distraction for his trespassing.
Sneaking upstairs, Bond worked his way along the empty corridors of the house, before opening a door to his right that took him to an upstairs balcony, overlooking the auction. A guard, dressed in black, noticed the British spy and drew a pistol, aiming at Bond.
Guard: Fermati li! Cosa stai facendo qui? Hai fatto questo? (Stop right there! What are you doing here? Did you do this?)
Bond had little time to respond to the guard's question before a suppressed headshot put him down. The gun was only a tranquilliser, but the sudden attack caused Bond to draw his PP9, as Lara Croft revealed herself from her hiding spot in the corner.
Bond: Miss Croft, I presume?
Lara: Ah, an Englishman. Don't mind me, I'm just leaving.
Bond: Not with that bag, you aren't.
Lara looked at the duffel bag containing her recently acquired treasure. Was this man after her hard-earned find? How did he manage to track Hernan Cortes' treasure here? Lara had no time to consider these questions; after all, Bond's identity wouldn't matter if he was dead.
Lara: I'm not sure you want to try that, old man. You can't handle me.
Bond: Oh, believe me, I definitely can. Only if you're interested, of course.
Uninterested in Bond's sense of humour, Lara quickly drew her H&K's and opened fire on Bond. The MI6 agent barely reacted in time and took cover behind the door he entered through. the people on the lower floor panicked as Lara looked down and assessed the situation, before Bond prepared to return fire.
Fight!
Bond fired three shots from his PP9, but Lara saw the attack coming and backflipped, avoiding the bullets. Bond fired a few more rounds and ran toward Lara, closing the distance. Though Lara evaded the suppression fire, she was unable to fire back before Bond threw a punch her way. Lara effortlessly blocked Bond's attack, using his momentum to throw him over her shoulder. Bond's impact stripped him of his gun as Lara readied her grappling hook. Having previously decided her escape plan, she threw her tether and hooked it around the chandelier in the centre. Swinging from one side to the other, Croft released her hook and jumped over to the other side of the balcony.
Bond got back up only to realise that Lara had fled. Looking around, he saw the treasure hunter retreating through a door on the other side, and gave pursuit by running through the door he had entered from. The room where the auction was taking place had long since been cleared out, and he guards had naturally all come upstairs to inspect the source of the gunshots. Noticing this large group of enemies Bond hid behind a column on the wall, hiding himself from the guards.
M: 007! What's happening?
Bond: Croft has the treasure, and she seems perfectly content on leaving with it. Not that it'll be easy for her, of course.
M: How can you be so sure?
Before Bond could respond, an arrow pierced the ground near the guards. Both James and the guards were confused at first, before noticing that red sparks were flying from the arrow's fletching.
Guard: Merda! Grenata! (Shit! Grenade!)
The security guards tried to take cover, bu their attempts were futile as the arrow exploded, knocking them all aside and kicking up a small cloud of smoke. Lara used this cover to run past Bond's aim, running down another corridor away from the super spy.
Bond: ...Well, I'm not anymore.
James wasn't done, however, as he made sure to pick up an M4 Carbine fro the guards below. Bond wondered why such security wielded special forces gear, figuring that whoever was running the party was incredibly wealthy and influential. But then why can't they buy good wine? Bond had no time to consider such trivial matters, however, and ran off to find Lara.
Lara easily knocked another guard to the floor and collected his weapon - a military-grade shotgun. Unlike Bond, she knew these people were mafia thugs and that they had easy access to the Carabinieri's weapons. Unlike Bond, she was trying to find her escape route, since the spy's intervention had meant that more guards had shown up that she wasn't expecting. She could still see her motorcycle, parked off to the side near a staff-only entrance, and luckily the guards hadn't found it yet. However, she had no time to ponder how to get to it before she was tackled from behind, forcing her out of the window.
Lara landed on a shed's roof, the guards not having noticed their descent as Bond landed on top of her. Pinned down by the agent, Lara realised that her duffel bag been knocked away from her, as it had landed on the other end of the roof.
Bond: So much for the bravado. You're nothing new to me, you know?
Lara: How charming. I was having similar sentiments.
Bond was forced to abandon his hold on Lara (with regret) as a climbing axe was swung at his head. Drawing his assault rifle, Bond opened fire on Lara, but the tomb raider rolled under the bullets and swiped at Bond's torso. The axe cut his suit, but that was all, as James jumped backward and aimed his rifle again. His aim was too slow, however, as Lara's own shotgun disarmed him of the rifle. Another blast knocked Bond off of his feet, but his body armour protected him from being shot.
Lara dashed over to her duffle bag and hooked it to her belt, again. Bond saw this and realised his opportunity, reaching into his pocket. Lara aimed her shotgun at 007, preparing to end this ordeal.
Lara: So much for the bravado. I almost feel bad. Almost, of course.
Bond: Thanks for the sentiment, I'll be sure to jot that one down.
Lara was confused as she saw Bond pull out a... ballpoint pen? Bond clicked the pen three times, before throwing it to Lara's feet. A defensive instinct caused Lara to back away, but it was too late as the pen exploded, destroying the rooftop. he collapsed floor dropped them into a food storage area, where the workers fled in panic when the saw the carnage.
Waiter: Cazzo! Scappa! (Fuck! Run away!)
Lara slowly rose to her feet once more as Bond kicked her stomach, drawing his PP9 and aiming it at her head. Before the bullet could fire, Lara drew her own pistol and fired a shot, with both bullets deflecting each other in mid-air. Lara rolled to the side and aimed her second pistol, causing Bond to take cover. Lara proved to be a more difficult opponent than he had expected, but he was far from done. Lara slowly walked around James' cover, preparing to fire once more, as a laser fired from his location, aimed toward what remained of the ceiling. The laser's fire carved a hole in the ceiling, and more debris landed on top of Lara. Pinned down once more, Lara tried picking up the enormous amount of debris as Bond used his belt wire to hook onto a light hanging outside, fleeing the collapsing room.
Lara was able to free herself from the debris, and ran outside, looking for James. Her questions were quickly answered when Bond punched her across the face, staggering her. Before the tomb raider could recover, Bond grabbed around her waist and suplexed her into the ground. Lara was quick to recover, however, and kicked Bond to the ground. Tired of 007's constant assault, she picked up her bow and fired an arrow into his leg, this time pinning him to the floor.
Lara: Sorry, I don't enjoy being tied down.
Bond: I'll keep that in mind.
Unable to do much to prevent Lara's escape, Bond focused on removing the arrow in his leg. While he prioritised this, Lara ran over to her motorcycle. How the guards hadn't managed to find them yet was surprising, but Lara decided to take it in her stride and drive away, with Bond firing futile rounds at his fleeing opponent with his PP9.
Lara chuckled as she fled the manor, her gold at her side, until a large revving sound was heard behind her. Soon enough, the gate crashed behind her as a sleek, silver sports car drove through it - the Aston Martin Vanquish, with Bond at the wheel. Bond's car spawned machine guns on its hood, catching Lara by surprise as she swerved to avoid them. Driving downhill, Lara drew a single H&K and fired back at the "Vanish", but the bullets bounced off the plastic exterior, dealing pitiful damage. More machine gun fire ended up taking out the back wheel on Lara's motorcycle, causing the tomb raider to lose control of her bike.
Lara: Oh god! OH GOD!
Lara's motorcycle tipped over from the speed, but luckily she was able to jump from the wreck and take cover in a dark alleyway. This escape did not go unnoticed by Bond, who's Aston Martin slowed down and turned down the alleyway. Lara ran away, not looking back at the car that was aiming at her, but focusing on climbing up the windows to escape thew vehicle. Her axe cleaved into the brick outer-walls of the nearby apartment block, only for the Vanish's rocket to score a direct hit in the wall above her, causing her to lose her grip. Another rocket was fired at the tomb raider, throwing up a cloud of smoke that obscured Lara's location.
Even though Lara had managed to flee to the Arno riverside, the thermal radar of the Vanish was quickly able to track her down. The revving of the car alerted Lara to her foe's position. But she was prepared this time - wielding her compound bow. As the Aston Martin veered the corner... well, it didn't. Though Lara had certainly heard the approaching supercar's engine earlier, she was surprised that her foe was nowhere in sight.
Her uncertainty didn't last though, as a rocket suddenly shot out from the void, of which Lara barely avoided being caught in the blast radius by flipping to the side. Realising her opponent's invisibility, Lara fired some fire arrows across the floor, creating small bonfires around the area. Waiting patiently, Lara aimed an explosive round, and fired when she saw one if them being furiously dispersed in an instant. Lara's tactic proved effective, with the car's cloaking device dropping in the wake of its immense damage. The two machine guns on the hood resurfaced to aim at Lara again, bit before they could fire, two more explosive arrows struck the Vanish, destroying it. Lara sheathed her bow, as the explosion engulfed Bond's car, with him inside.
Or was he?
Lara's confident act dropped when a sharp pain in her torso confirmed her fear; Bond was not quite dead yet, as he placed the Vanish's remote control back in his suit's pocket. The bullet had barely missed Lara's liver, as Bond silently questioned what was going on with his aim today. Naturally, a single bullet wasn't enough to hold Lara back, as she rose back to her feet and turned to face Bond.
Bond: Oh, so you're approaching me? How forward. That's the issue with these duels nowadays, no one's interested in good old climatic fisticuffs anymore.
Lara: Of course, I can't kick your idiot face otherwise.
Bond was tempted to re-draw his PP9 and end the fight now, but he had run out of ammo and Lara was approaching far too quickly for him to reload in time. Bond threw the first punch, but Lara caught it and retaliated with one of her own, which Bond ducked under. Bond's position allowed Lara to kick him in the stomach and knock him down, and Bond barely rolled out of the way of an axe swing. The climbing axe was embedded in the ground, and Lara was top pre-occupied with killing James to retrieve it now.
Bond drew his dart gun and fired a cyanide round, but Lara easily dodged and went for a jumping kick which knocked Bond backward. The MI6 agent refused to be staggered, and caught Lara's next kick and threw her to the ground. Bond grabbed Lara's arm and tried to break it in an armlock, only for Lara to escape it with ease and toss Bond near the edge of the river. James recovered and threw another punch at Lara, except this one connected and pushed Lara backward. The treasure hunter refused to back down, however, and went for another kick that was intercepted by Bond. Lara escaped the hold, but didn't realise the peril of her situation when another dart stabbed itself into her shoulder.
Lara couldn't identify the poison, but it clearly wasn't good. Severely draining her energy, Lara slowly fell to the floor as Bond reloaded his PP9, ready to finish this fight.
Bond: It's been fun, Miss Croft. But don't forget who you're dealing with.
Lara: Heh... I don't even know your name, old man...
James chuckled, now aiming the gun at Lara's head and ready to pull the trigger.
Bond: Bond, James Bond.
Bond went to fire a lethal shot to Lara's head, but found his body was paralysed, and his arm weak. Looking down, he saw that he had been impaled by one of Lara's arrows from close range. A poison one, to be exact, and Bond was all too familiar with what it had been laced with.
The MI6 agent's gun dropped to the ground as he staggered backward, the tranquillising arrow causing him to feel faint. Lara was far from being in prime condition, but at least she cold stand, and she used that to collect Bond's dropped gun from the floor and toss it into the river behind him.
Lara: Not bad, Bond. But you picked the wrong girl this time.
A single kick ended this fight, pushing James back into the river behind him. Unable to swim and barely able to try and breath, Bond accepted his fate and slowly drowned in the riverside, his PP9 sinking alongside him. Lara, meanwhile, was still fighting off the poison's effects, as swarms of police cars and ambulances appeared around her. Knowing that escape was futile, she fell unconscious as she was attended to by medics.
K.O.
After having the poison extracted from her body in the ambulance, Lara regained consciousness that the duffel bag she had taken from the auction was unaccounted for. It lay in the alley, unattended, until a small talon picked it up, and lifted it up into the air.
Analysis[]
Boomstick: Whoa! Seriously? Also whoa, that was awesome!
Wiz: Surprisingly, Lara was more than capable of taking James on in a simple fight. Though it's hard to measure their training directly, Lara's physical advantages and dual-wielding caused great problems for Bond, and she was certainly a greater challenge than he had ever dealt with before.
Boomstick: Bond wasn't defenceless, though. His age, military experience, and MI6 adventures gave him plenty of experience to challenge Lara, and his gadgets evened the odds when he really needed them. But Lara was just as skilled in martial arts - probably superior, given the greater variety in her training. Lara's been trained by some of the best experts in her world at various skills, so even with Bond's SAS-level training, he wouldn't be able to win based on that alone.
Wiz: And of course, two guns are better than one. Even though Bond has used two different firearms, both were outclassed by Lara's Heckler & Koch USPs, and she's just as accurate. And outside of gun fights, Lara's physical edge was very well-defined.
Boomstick: Bond could wrestle alligators and sharks, but Lara can fight off T-rexes and giant wolves. Hell, Bond didn't have any notable strength feats that really come close to what Lara could do. Sure, he could bust down a steel gate, but so could Lara. And while Bond could handle Jaws, Lara's... somehow even stronger! Wait, that's weird, she's like half his size...
Wiz: Jaws is clearly Bond's physical superior, given how their fights are portrayed. And we know his physical limit is somewhere in the single-digit tonnes, given how he struggled to move a giant wheel that weighed this much. However, we've seen Lara shove around blocks that weigh around 27 tonnes. That makes Lara over 5 times stronger than Jaws, and likely even stronger when compared to Bond.
Boomstick: And while Bond could react to bullets fast enough to pull up a human shield, Lara's done way more than that in the same span of time, being able to tag precision shots whilst in the middle of dodging bullets at similar distances to Bond's own feat. And its not like James has done anything like outrunning bears and velociraptors, which can reach up to 40 miles per hour!
Note: To be fair, Bond's speed wasn't entirely eclipsed by Lara's, to the point where this factor alone wouldn't decide the outcome. However, it did give Lara the edge at dodging bullets, the main form of offence for both fighters, meaning that Bond's guns were a less reliable kill option as a result.
Wiz: Where Bond WASN'T outclassed was in his arsenal. Guns aside, his gadgets could seriously cause problems for Lara, and the Vanish was almost enough to change this outcome entirely were it not for Lara's physical advantages.
Boomstick: A car that turns invisible and that shoots rockets seems like its far out of Lara's league. But then again, it wasn't completely indestructible. A few good explosive shots could still put the Vanish down, ad rockets and machine guns aren't something Lara hasn't faced before.
Wiz: Without the Vanquish, Bond was forced to rely on his gadgets for success - an unlikely concept given their impracticality of use in combat. A watch laser sounds like a dangerous tool, but so is a bullet. Or an arrow. Or an axe. And Lara can at least aim effectively with those, since its not like Bond's watch has a scope or anything.
Boomstick: And even though Bond could take a bullet, they're still super scary for him. Lara, meanwhile, has tanked falls from similar heights to Bond, and even after being impaled with a rusty pipe, she can still fight as though she's in prime condition.
Note: Body armour wouldn't save Bond here, as Lara's accurate enough to pull off headshots and put him down before he could land an equally fatal blow. Though Bond's dart gun could net him an easy win if it lands, Lara's poisonous arrows are also an easy win condition for her.
Wiz: Ultimately, Bond put up a good fight, certainly worthy of his excellent track record. But Lara's strength, speed, and toughness proved too much for him to handle. Putting it simply, Lara had more options for killing Bond reliably, and was more than powerful enough to ensure she came out on top.
Boomstick: Yeah, looks like seven is Lara's lucky number, and Bond was left with zero.
Wiz: The winner is Lara Croft.
Next Time Haiku[]
A psychic showdown
To end the season, and see
How legends are made.