INTRO[]
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Dr. Grean: After mastering differents arts of combat, these two use such incredible power that they truly earned the title, of defenders of their worlds.
Spitweasel: So they do badass shit because it's awesome and they look good?
Dr. Grean: I suppose.
Spitweasel: Oh, much like Iron Fist, the yellow bandanna wearing Defender of New York.
Dr. Grean: And Wonder Woman, the Amazon of the Justice League.
Spitweasel: I'm Spitweasel and this is Dr. Grean!
Dr. Grean: And its our job to compare their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE REMASTERED!
WONDER WOMAN BELIEVES IN DEATH BATTLE![]
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Spitweasel: You know, being bisexual is nice. And with all of the fictional characters we've covered, I've boiled it down to three characters: Tifa Lockhart, Jotaro Kujo and Wonder Woman.
Dr. Grean: Diana Prince was born on the island of Themyscira, home of the Amazons.
Spitweasel: What's Themyscira you ask? Well, time for a history lesson!
Dr. Grean: The Amazons were a race of warrior women who were in war with the God of War himself, Ares.
Spitweasel: Ares, being a dickhead, tried to kill them off but the Greek Goddesses protected them and sent them to their own little private island where they can make their own babies out of clay.
Dr. Grean: Except for one: The daughter of the Amazonian Queen, Diana.
Spitweasel: Turns out she's actually the daughter of Zeus when she was with him for a while.
Dr. Grean: Diana was raised much like any other Amazon, learning different combat techniques and how to use many different weapons, until one day, something happened.
Spitweasel: After wanting to explore the world, she found something the Amazons hated: A guy.
Dr. Grean: To more specific, a World War One pilot named Steve Trevor.
Spitweasel: After finding out he was in a War, Diana thought she could help people and kill the bastard that caused the Amazon's hatred of the world of Men. Spoiler alert: It didn't help.
Dr. Grean: But she was prepared with the equipment she used to fight, such as her iconic Boomerang Tiara.
Spitweasel: Much like a real boomerang, it goes back to her each time she throws it. Unlike one of those plastic pieces of shit, this Tiara has razor sharp edges and can cut through most substances.
Dr. Grean: Diana also possesses the Bracelets of Submission, a pair of indestructible bracelets made from the same metal as Zeus's Aegis shield. They can discharge lightning and can block bullets, laser beams, blades and even Darkseid's Omega Beams.
Spitweasel: But then there's Wonder Woman's most badass weapon: The Golden Lasso of Truth!
Dr. Grean: Made by Hephaestus, the Lasso forces the truth of whoever is trapped to tell the truth. The lasso is also able to lengthen and shorten on command plus it's unbreakable.
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Spitweasel: And I got it right here.
Dr. Grean: Wait, what are you doing?! Ahh!
Spitweasel: TELL THE TRUUUUUUTH!!
Dr. Grean: My parents were killed in a freak finger painting accident, I lost my apartment and my cat due to the catsitter setting everything on fire. My life sucks ass...
Spitweasel: Oh. Shit. Sorry.
Dr. Grean: Joke's on you, that's not my actual arm. It's a fake arm.
Spitweasel: SON OF A BITCH--
Dr. Grean: Wonder Woman also has a series of powers including:
- Super strength,
- Super speed,
- Superhuman durability,
- Magic resistance,
- Enhanced healing factor,
- Superhuman reflexes,
- Super senses
- And she knows hundreds of languages.
Spitweasel: When did she learn all those languages?
Dr. Grean: I don't know.
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Spitweasel: You know, with all those powers and weapons, this badass princess has done some awesome shit like kicking Superman's ass. MULTIPLE TIMES. Oh and one time, Superman was a FUCKING PSYCHOPATH.
Dr. Grean: She's extremely accurate with any weapon, such as creating a nuclear explosion by slicing Uranium atoms. No, that's actually something that happened.
Spitweasel: Wonder Woman's done plenty of other batshit stuff like:
- Breaking into the Fortress of Solitude,
- Helped move the Earth,
- Withstood multiple Infinite Mass Punches from Professor Zoom,
- Survived a nuclear explosion,
- Pulled Martian Manhunter out of a black hole (Yeah, that's a real thing.),
- Managed to CUT OFF DOOMSDAY'S HAND,
- Killed her future evil self,
- Fought Medusa while blind,
- Beat the Justice League with a blindfold on,
- Decapitated Ares
- And once lived through got punched from the Sun all the way to Earth.
Dr. Grean: That was because she was punched by Superman for those of you wondering.
Spitweasel: With all that power, how did anybody ever beat her?
Dr. Grean: Simple, due to a Amazon rule if her hands are binded, Wonder Woman cannot use her powers. She also has admitted that she also lacks the same amount of durability that Superman has and can also be harmed with poisons and gases. But we can't forget her biggest weakness.
Spitweasel: No, it's not some kind of Kryptonite for Amazons (As fucking awesome as that would be). No, it's her getting a fucking heart attack.
Wonder Woman (2017) - I Believe in Love Scene (10 10) Movieclips-0
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Dr. Grean: Because of her Amazon warrior mindset, she will fight on and on which will drain her mentally and physically, killing her from exhaustion.
Spitweasel: But she's a goddamn demigod er-- Demigoddess (I guess). If she's half God, how the hell will she die of exhaustion?!
Dr. Grean: Well, just because she's half god doesn't mean she can't be hurt. I mean it's a miracle she hasn't died from old age!
Spitweasel: How old is she? Like a hundred years?
Dr. Grean: No, more like 3,000 years.
Spitweasel: Holy shit, she's really agile for her age.
Dr. Grean: But will always be an icon who protects those she cares about, with the power of love.
IRON FIST TRAINS FOR DEATH BATTLE![]
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Spitweasel: If there's one thing that Superman's said that I find to be a complete fucking lie, it's "Planes are safe!" BULLSHIT!
Dr. Grean: True, the same could be said for Wendall Rand, his wife and his son, Daniel Rand. When Daniel's parents--
Spitweasel: Who didn't see that coming?
Dr. Grean: When Daniel's parents died in a plane crash in the Himalayas, the young boy found himself saved by the Order of the Crane Mother, who lived in the hidden city of K'un-Lun.
Spitweasel: But what is K'un-Lun? Who are the Order of the Crane Mother? I don't know because Grean hasn't told me shit yet.
Dr. Grean: Right, the Order of the Crane Mother is a group of warrior monk society. They appoint a person every generation to inherit the position of the Iron Fist, the protector of K'un-Lun and defeat the evil organization known as the Hand.
Spitweasel: So, how did Danny become the Iron Fist?
Dr. Grean: After many years of training, Danny was sent to complete his father's task: Earn the power of the Iron Fist by killing the dragon Shou-Lao, the Undying.
Spitweasel: Wait, how's he the Undying if you have to kill him?
Dr. Grean: Maybe he's called that because he keeps coming back to life.
Spitweasel: But if you die, then come back to life you're not really the Undying. That's refusing to die.
Dr. Grean: Moving on, Danny became the Iron Fist. Along with the title, he also received the power of the Iron Fist, giving him the ability to harness his Chi (Or life energy) into his fist and makes his punches so powerful, that he will literally shatter steel.
Spitweasel: Iron Fist also knows Kung Fu and can master several weapons, such as swords and nunchucks. He can lift twice his body weight and can press lift between 350 to 800 pounds!
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Dr. Grean: He also knows a drunken fist fighting style that can make him dodge Spider-Man's spider sense. Yes, Iron Fist can fight Spider-Man and avoid his spider sense.
Spitweasel: With the help of Chi, Iron Fist can also heal his wounds, react to danger at superhuman speeds and can even literally squeeze poison out of his system. Holy hell!
Dr. Grean: As the Iron Fist, Danny has also:
- Shattered bulletproof glass,
- Stopped a train,
- Destroyed a building by punching Luke Cage into said building,
- Obliterated a boat with a single punch,
- Survived in temperatures of Negative 80 degrees,
- Destroyed a baseball bat,
- Dodged machine gun fire,
- Deflected bullets and infused them with Chi,
- Caught arrows out of thin air,
- Withstood punches that normally would have killed someone,
- Defeated Sabertooth without any powers while blinded
- And DESTROYED THE SHIELD HELICARRIER WITH ONE PUNCH.
Spitweasel: ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH! Man, this guy's just goddamn awesome!
Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3- Iron Fist-Akuma Quotes
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Dr. Grean: But as we've said before--
Spitweasel: He's not invincible.
Dr. Grean: How did you know?
Spitweasel: Come on Grean, who the hell is?
Dr. Grean: Fair point, Iron Fist's greatest weakness can be summed up as one thing: His mentality. Iron Fist can only connected to his chi when he's in a... happy mood. If he is anything but, his superhuman abilities will weaken a lot. But as this happens rarely, Iron Fist is mostly safe.
Spitweasel: You mean mostly Defended? Get it? Cause he's a Defender?
PRE-BATTLE[]
Dr. Grean: Okay, the combatants are set and we've calculated the data to find our winner.
Spitweasel: ITS TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
DEATH BATTLE[]
(Iron Fist returns to the hidden city of K'un-Lun by helicopter and enters. He goes to the main temple and after a while, Iron Fist begins to meditates. A bell rings to summon him to the fight arena. Entering, he sees who rang the bell: Wonder Woman.)
Iron Fist: Who are you?
Wonder Woman: You and the Order of the Crane Mother have attempted to steal from the Amazons. I have come reclaim what is rightfully not your property.
(She reveals that the Mother Box hidden in a bag behind her.)
Iron Fist: It is not protected with the Amazons. Here, it is safer.
Wonder Woman: If you want to handle this fairly, let's fight to the death. The winner claims ownership.
Iron Fist: Sounds fair.
FIGHT!!!
(Wonder Woman charges at Iron Fist and tries to punch him in the head. He dodges and face palms her first, disorienting Wonder Woman for a quick second. She reorients herself, pulls out her lasso and tried to tie Iron Fist up. Then Iron Fist dodges the lasso and kicks her in the face and punches her twice in the chest and once in an upper cut. Wrapping the lasso around his arm, she uses its power on him.)
Wonder Woman: Tell the truth, how powerful are you?
Iron Fist: I killed the dragon Shou-Lao to earn the Iron Fist.
(Removing himself of the lasso, Iron Fist dodges several punches that Wonder Woman tries to throw at him. Using a drunken fighting style, Iron Fist keeps dodging punches while observing Wonder Woman's fighting style. She keeps trying to hit him, but then by some luck, Wonder Woman punches Iron Fist across the face. The punch throws Iron Fist into a temple and he climbed out, taking a deep breath and using his Ki to heal him. Wonder Woman pulled out her lasso and throws it at him in an attempt to tie Iron Fist. This doesn't work, as Iron Fist dodges with his drunken fighting style. But just as Iron Fist is about to punch Wonder Woman, she swipes his legs out from underneath him and causes Iron Fist to fall flat on his back. He jumped up and kicked her in the face, causing some small amounts of blood to pour out of her nose. She then gets back up and ties up one of his hands, runs behind Iron Fist and makes punch himself in the face. Wonder Woman starts spinning Iron Fist around, causing him to crash into statues and parts of the temples. She stops spinning when she realizes that Iron Fist has taken her golden lasso then tied her up. Iron Fist punches Wonder Woman through a temple, who unties herself and charges at her opponent almost at full speed. Iron Fist dodges her attack and causes her to pull out a statue from the ground. Wonder Woman then throws that statue at Iron Fist who smashes the statue with his fist, now that it's glowing with Ki energy.)
Wonder Woman: With all this power and you don't fight along side other heroes?
Iron Fist: My mission is here. Not with the rest of the world.
(Swinging his fist at Wonder Woman, Iron Fist goes to punch her and end her once and for all. But then, Wonder Woman backhands Iron Fist across the village. She runs up to him and throws him into a temple, nearly collapsing it. Pulling back his fist with extreme intensity, he decides to end this with all the power that he can bring together into his fist to finally end this battle. Wonder Woman then flies extremely fast towards Iron Fist to finish him.
Iron Fist's arm glows as bright as the sun.
Wonder Woman's bulletproof bracelets begin to crackle with lightning.
As Iron Fist's arm and Wonder Woman's bracelets clash, a giant shock-wave of Ki energy and lightning blasts everywhere, nearly destroying the entire village, tearing down temples and obliterating Iron Fist's arm off. Wonder Woman ties her lasso around Iron Fists neck and flies into the atmosphere with him in toe. The lasso starts pulling on his neck, nearly breaking it when they took off. Wonder Woman flies and holds Iron Fist by the lasso around his neck. Iron Fist slowly chokes on the lack of oxygen as Wonder Woman asks him a single question.)
Wonder Woman: Did you believe you would win?
(She drops Iron Fist, who slowly falls back to earth and increases in speed as Iron Fist's body burns and crashes into the village. Wonder Woman finishes him off by smashing the entire village, leveling the entire village. The only piece of Iron Fist's body that is left is his yellow bandanna.)
K.O.!!!
POST BATTLE[]
Dr. Grean: Spitweasel, stop spinning.
Spitweasel: I'm going to become Wonder Woman!
Dr. Grean: Stop, you're going to-- Oh God!
Spitweasel: Shouldn't have that whiskey.
Dr. Grean: In short, Wonder Woman outclassed Iron Fist in a lot of things.
Spitweasel: Like what?
Dr. Grean: For example, Wonder Woman helped move the WHOLE ENTIRE EARTH and withstood multiple Infinite Mass Punches (Which are about as powerful as a white star) at once. Aside from her strength, Diana is extremely fast such as taking out Professor Zoom (Who is equally as fast as Barry Allen) and she was LAUNCHED FROM THE SUN TO EARTH AND SURVIVED. Iron Fist had nothing to best Wonder Woman with!
Spitweasel: Guess you could say Iron Fist has plenty of time to WONDER what he could've done better.
Dr. Grean: The winner is Wonder Woman.