Homelander VS Red Son Superman is a What-If Death Battle written by DiAma1.
Interlude[]
Wiz: For decades, the world has struggled between two major economic ideologies vying for control: capitalism and communism.
Boomstick: But politics are boring, so let's settle the debate with a fight! With Homelander, the poster-boy of Vought International and capitalism.
Wiz: And Red Son Superman, champion of the Soviet Union and communism.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win in a Death Battle!
Homelander[]
Wiz: Vought International is the most powerful corporation in the world. They control the media, but more importantly, they control superheroes.
Boomstick: "Heroes" may be a bit inaccurate. These guys are psychos!
Wiz: And the leader of these superpowered gods is the icon of America, Homelander.
Boomstick: The official story pushed out by Vought is that Homelander was an alien that landed from space as a baby, but the truth is that he was a test-tube baby engineered specifically for murder and conditioned socially to be as patriotic as possible.
Wiz: He was made with the super serum Compound V, which gave him incredible power.
Boomstick: He has superhuman strength, speed, and laser vision, just like your typical Superman ripoff.
Wiz: His laser vision is able to cut planes in half, and burn through crowds of innocent civilians.
Boomstick: Yeah, he's not much of a hero. He only cares about his own public image and will hurt anyone he wants to keep it clean.
Wiz: He can also scream loud enough to burst eardrums.
Boomstick: Now for the one power that makes EVERYONE in the room uncomfortable when you talk about it... his super shotgun penis!
Wiz: Yeah... considering a human "shot" has much less mass than buckshot, it must mean that he can shoot at 4.5 times the speed of sound to achieve the same effect.
Boomstick: And now that we've discussed it, I don't want to talk about it ever again! Moving on...
Wiz: Homelander has incredible durability, and is strong enough to survive every weapon known to mankind! That includes the Tsar Bomba, which detonated with a force of over 50 megatons of TNT.
Boomstick: Speaking of bombs, he can outpace a C4 explosion! He has the strength and speed of a god!
Wiz: That's for sure. No matter who you are, nothing can get in the way of Homelander.
Red Son Superman[]
Wiz: In the far future, earth was in danger. The sun was expanding and the planet would soon be swallowed up.
Boomstick: In an attempt to save humanity, a brilliant scientist named Jor-L sent a child back in time to 1930's earth. This child was named Kal-L.
Wiz: Kal-L's ship landed in Ukraine in the 1930s, where he was found by the Soviet government and raised as their ultimate weapon: the Superman.
Boomstick: The Superman was the ultimate propaganda tool. Everyone on earth knew about him. For the Soviets, he was the ultimate hero worthy of praise. For the Americans, he was a horrifying superweapon that invoked fear.
Wiz: With Superman on the block, the Cold War's arms race quickly evolved from nuclear-based to metahuman-based, with the US doing everything in its power to make a warrior able to keep up with the Man of Steel.
Boomstick: Superman, despite being a weapon of war, wanted to help people, including Americans. Using his good-natured personality and will to help everyone, he... took over the world by force. Yeah.
Wiz: Superman is incredibly smart. He once learned English in ten minutes. Considering the fact that it takes a human on average about a year to become fluent in a language, this means that Superman's brain works 52,000 times faster than that of an average human.
Boomstick: He's not just smart though, he's strong too! He has all your typical Superman powers such as superhuman strength, speed, flight, ice-breath, and laser-eyes.
Wiz: In the movie, he used his heat vision to vaporize Stalin. In order to vaporize somebody, he would need to have a force of three gigajoules! That's enough to melt through 5,000 pounds of steel!
Boomstick: He also caught Sputnik 2 falling from space, which he calculated as being powerful enough to destroy all of metropolis. Considering that Metropolis is similar in size to real-life Los Angeles, that means that it would take 100 Megatons of TNT to destroy it. That's as many as 5,000 Fat Men! The bomb, not like... fat men... nevermind.
Wiz: He dragged Braniac's ship over fifteen million miles away from earth in a minute, which makes him far faster than light. He then survived the ship's explosion, which was fifteen million miles wide!
Boomstick: Hot damn! He does have weaknesses though. Like, for example, he can't see through lead. Kind of a niche weakness, but it is what it is.
Wiz: He also has a weakness to red sunlight, which Anarchist Batman used to almost kill him.
Boomstick: Hold on, did you just say Anarchist Batman? That's metal as fuck!
Wiz: In the end, even though Superman was never defeated, he realized that the world didn't need him, so he let humans decide their own destiny without his oversight. A golden age of humanity led by the descendants of Lex Luthor ensued.
Boomstick: Then, millions of years in the future, a brilliant scientist named Jor-L, a descendant of Luthor, sent his son back in time to 1930's Ukraine. Yep, turns out that Superman is Lex's great-great-great-times-a-billion grandson.
Wiz: Regardless of what you think of communism, you have to admit, the Man of Steel is not to be messed with.
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle[]
A plane was falling through the sky, the right engine on fire. As it tumbled downwards towards Metropolis, a man jumped out of it. He floated and watched as it fell straight towards the Daily Planet building. This was Homelander. He had failed a hostage situation and was prepared to let the plane crash to cover his mistake. Suddenly, from behind him, he heard a gust of wind, followed by a sonic boom. He turned and saw a figure in black and red fly towards the plane. This was Superman. He caught the plane and gently put it down on the ground before using his breath to put out the fire. Homelander saw the hammer and sickle on Superman's chest and flew towards him, furious.
Homelander: Listen here, pinko. I don't need some fucking commie in my country trying to outdo me. Why don't you fly on back to I-don't-give-a-fuck-nogorsk and leave my people alone.
Superman laughed and responded in a thick Russian accent.
Superman: Is that request, comrade? Or threat?
Homelander: I'm not your fucking comrade. Now leave before I kick your ass so hard that they'll only make monuments of you from the chest up. That's not a threat, it's a promise. Capisce?
Superman laughed again.
Superman: You think you can beat Man of Steel? I kill men like you in my sleep!
Homelander yelled and rushed forward, throwing a punch at Superman. The Man of Steel caught the punch in his hand, and retaliated with a punch of his own, sending Homelander staggering backwards.
Superman: You hit like little girl!
Homelander picked up the right wing of the plane and began to spin it around before slamming it on top of Superman with a yell. The plane exploded and left a wall of flame. Civilians screamed as they burnt to a crisp. Suddenly, from out of the explosion, Superman flew out and grabbed Homelander by the throat. He threw him upwards into the air before following him up and uppercutting him.
Superman: You hit me, I can handle. You kill innocent civilians, you cross line.
Homelander grabbed his jaw and popped it back into place. He chuckled.
Homelander: No, my friend. YOU crossed a line when you came over that border. My nation is sacred and I won't stand the likes of you disrespecting it.
He shot laser beams out of his eyes at Superman, which Superman countered with lasers of his own. The two beams clashed and exploded, sending both flying backwards.
As Superman recovered from the explosion, Homelander came out of the fire and kicked him in the face. He followed up with several punches to the gut and a headbutt to the nose. Superman staggered in the air before Homelander grabbed his throat and began diving towards the ground. He slammed Superman into the middle of the street, sending concrete flying in every direction, killing several people.
Superman got up and cracked his knuckles. He sighed.
Superman: My turn.
Superman flew forwards into Homelander and grabbed him by the head. He kept flying forwards through several buildings before slamming his head into the concrete and dragging him across the ground.
Homelander screamed as he did this, and Superman covered his ears. This gave Homelander enough time to get up and swing at Superman. He hit him square in the jaw, knocking him backwards. He then clapped his hands over Superman's ears, sending a shockwave right through his head.
Superman quickly recovered and blew cold air at Homelander right as he was swinging again. His arm froze into a block of ice, which Superman grabbed. The force of Superman's grasp shattered Homelander's frozen arm into many shards of ice. He screamed in pain.
Homelander grabbed where his arm once was and screamed, shattering glass all around. He began to shoot lasers from his eyes frantically but Superman quickly grabbed his face and covered his eyes. He then lifted Homelander and began flying upwards towards space. As they exited the atmosphere, Homelander began to catch on fire from the speed, and by the time they were in space he was a burnt, one-armed husk.
Homelander used his remaining arm to grasp at his throat, since he couldn't breathe in space. Superman held on to him and asked him a question.
Superman: Any last words, comrade?
Homelander managed to grin and say one last thing.
Homelander: B-better dead than red...
With that, Superman crushed Homelander's head, sending brains floating in different directions. He then grabbed the body and threw it down towards earth where it landed in Siberia. There it was on fire burned into a crisp.
KO!
Results[]
Boomstick: Woah! Talk about a firey finish!
Wiz: While Homelander may have been strong, Superman was just much stronger.
Boomstick: Yeah. Homelander could survive 50 megatons of TNT, but Superman survived an explosion that was fifteen million miles across. While Homelander could arguably fight at the speed of sound, Superman is faster than light. There's really no competition.
Wiz: Not to mention, Homelander has no experience fighting with people stronger than him. In his world, he's the strongest being in existence, meaning he doesn't ever get the chance to tone his skill as a fighter. Superman, meanwhile fought against Bizarro, which was as strong as himself, and survived. He just has more fighting experience.
Boomstick: In the end, Homelander was seeing red after Superman beat him black and blue.
Wiz: The winner is Red Son Superman.