It's a battle of generations when everyone's favourite female magic users go at it... to the death!
Intro[]
Wiz: As long as mankind has lived, they have told stories meant to stretch the imagination. Myths and legends abounded, detailing monsters and beings with abilities far superior to our fellow humans. Among those monsters, is the witch.
Boomstick: But, as mankind has evolved, so have their stories. And given that 2016 is currently full of a bunch of soft babies, it only seems fitting that witches have grown soft as well. And sexy. Well, a witch that isn’t in this battle is sexy. I digress!
Wiz: Yeah, you do. Soft, or simply not evil, perhaps the two most famous fictitious female magic users represent two different generations. Two different mindsets. Two different expectations.
Boomstick: Hermione Granger, Muggle-born Witch and first-class member of Dumbledore’s Army.
Wiz: And Elsa, royal-born magical girl who rules Arendelle as the Ice Queen.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz, and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skills, in order to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
Hermione[]
Wiz: Far, far back to the earliest appearances of human culture, even then there were wizards and witches walking among it, hidden in plain sight. Humans by every other definition, these extraordinary people could use magic to make miracles happen, in everything from making everyday life easier to waging wars that threatened all life... all out of sight from the regular people they called “Muggles.”
Boomstick: It wasn’t uncommon for Magic and Muggle to mix and pop out Magic, making it clearly the dominant gene. But these half-bloods were often treated no better than the Muggles, and faced discrimination by wizards with their pure-blood heads up their asses. Thankfully, genocide wasn’t quite as prevalent as it was with humans, but still, why have spells that turn knives into paper airplanes when you should be focusing on spells that end segregation?
Wiz: But in an affront to this mindset, one of history’s most famous witches was not Pure-Blood, or even Half-Blood. She was a Mudblood, a witch born from completely Muggle parents. And her name was Hermione Granger.
Boomstick: Although she displayed oddities as a young child, Hermione lived a relatively peaceful life growing up, given that neither she nor anyone around her even knew of magic until she turned eleven and received an acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This was... a surprise, both for her and her parents, but one they all accepted, and Hermione eagerly began her studies right away. And yeah, we mean right away. Not that she got her letter in late August, but you see, Hermione’s kind of a stuck-up know-it-all nerd.
Wiz: We prefer the term “intellectual.” Hermione has always had a thirst for knowledge and a competitive spirit, and was often the top of her class both before and during her terms at Hogwarts. She memorized the texts of her required readings and was capable of casting a few minor spells before her first semester even began, an incredible feat given that she had no magical upbringing.
Boomstick: NEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD!
Wiz: Upon arrival, Hermione was placed under the sorting hat, where she nearly became a Hatstall. Before Boomstick says “a what now?”, let me explain. The Hogwarts School has four houses, with students magically sorted into each depending on their inner talents and desires. Few individuals meet only one requirement, and Hermione was no exception; her incredible intellect competed with her bravery when the Hat chose to sort her into either Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor, but ultimately, the red lion prevailed. This process took four minutes from a hat which is capable of sorting most students instantly; a Hatstall, which takes five minutes, occurs possibly once every 50 years.
Boomstick: So, is she smart, or not?
Wiz: Very. The most likely cause of her being sorted into the house of bravery was her insistence on standing out even as a Muggle-born witch, and desire to be the best among a society that despised her. And she followed through on this, acing every subject and mastering so many spells she was considered a prodigy during her years. She is also fiercely loyal to her friends and, aware of Gryffindor’s reputation for heroes, managed to convince the Hat to ultimately sort her there.
Boomstick: She’s still a nerd.
Wiz: You know what happened to the last bully who confronted her? She punched him in the face.
Boomstick: Yup, and she could have done a whole lot worse. But, she’s still a nerd.
Wiz: Hermione was on top of everything in nearly every subject, ranging from academic Muggle-studies to practical classes such as Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. On her O.W.L exams, she earned nine “Outstanding” levels, the top possible mark, and often achieved grades of higher than 100%. With this and six years' worth of schooling, she has no less than a hundred possible spells under her belt, some incredibly difficult to master. Most are suited for problem-solving and everyday life, but as Hermione became proficient in the art of duelling, she learned lots of charms and spells that help her out in combat situations.
Boomstick: This includes the Three Unforgivable Curses, but Hermione never actually used them, not even during battles where the fate of the world was on the line. Thus, although she can in theory know how to use mind control, excruciating torture, and instakill deathy death, she’d rather take the victory through noble means. Because killing something is bad, but straight-up wiping it out of existence is somehow okay enough to teach high-schoolers.
Wiz: The art of transfiguration has two notable sub-disciplines: vanishing, and conjuration, which respectively destroy and create. Hermione can do both, wiping objects from the physical plane, and creating from her mind; this power extends to living beings, and Hermione can use transfiguration even on humans, which requires lots of effort. Perhaps she could even turn Boomstick into a civilized human being.
Boomstick: Hermione knows the kinky body-bind curse, which wraps its victims up with invisible BDSM and renders them immobile, the impediment jinx, which slows its victims in their tracks momentarily, the stunning curse, which stops people and objects cold in their tracks... hey, a lot of these things seem very redundant.
Wiz: She can explode objects with Confrigo, levitate them with Wingardium Leviosa, link them with the Protean Charm, or transform them with Transfiguration. Thus, even though she can use more direct magic, Hermione has a knack for using it to alter items and the environment around her to achieve goals. She carries around several magical objects in her jinxed Mary Poppins-style handbag, including messenger coins, healing herbs, potion ingredients, and portable fires.
Boomstick: Temporarily, Hermione also used a time-turner as well. This powerful artifact was issued to her by the Ministry of Magic itself, so she could use it to attend more classes provided she didn’t come into contact with her past self and blow everything to shit. It could possibly hint at magic faster than light, but it’s goddamn magic, so who knows? All I know is that I want one, NOW.
Wiz: However, Hermione’s favoured object to use is of course her wand, made of vinewood with a dragon heartstring core. While she can use wandless magic, a nod to her magical aptitude, Hermione requires a wand to cast the vast majority of her spells, the same as any other wizard.
Boomstick: She later swapped this one out for a walnut wand belonging to the infamous Bellatrix Lestrange. Because the wand chooses the wizard, this stolen stick didn’t work for Hermione quite as well as her old one, but she was still capable of using it enough to duel Bellatrix herself. Always a pain in the ass when someone uses your own weapon against you. But, since Bellatrix is dead, chances are Granger’s working with numero uno again.
Wiz: The speed of the spells Hermione fires from her wand can vary from an instantaneous effect to a physical bolt of energy that is required to hit the target; it’s estimated that a skilled duelist can fire these types of spells at around 120 feet per second, making them very difficult to dodge. And Hermione is indeed a skilled duelist. She served as a member of the legendary Order of the Phoenix, and as a founding wizard of Dumbledore’s army, both of whom were instrumental in the Second Wizarding War against the Dark Lord Voldemort.
Boomstick: She’s fought in several major battles and came out unharmed, including the battle at the Ministry of Magic, the battle of the Astronomy Tower, a rap battle with Katniss Everdeen, and the Siege of Hogwarts. And it isn’t just mooks she’s fighting, it’s skilled Death Eaters. She’s defeated Goyle, Yaxley, and Antonin Dolohov, an OG Death Eater skilled enough to defeat renowned Auror Alastor Moody. If that wasn’t enough, she also defeated a freaking Werewolf King.
Wiz: When not in direct combat, Hermione is also an expert in stealth, and is not shy of sneak attacks of any sort. She also managed to keep herself, Harry and Ron hidden from the Dark Lord for several months, disguising their campgrounds and apparating them across the globe. The act of apparition is yet another difficult magical talent Hermione excels at, and is essentially the ability to teleport. Hermione prefers this method for fast travel, and can even do it during freefall; however, she lacks the confidence in her ability to ride a broomstick.
Boomstick: That’s not the only thing she’s not confident in. Even though she aced the subject, she was very uncomfortable with divination, so she won’t be predicting her future in this Death Battle any time soon.
Wiz: Actually, Hermione’s favourite subject was Arithmancy, the predicting of the future through magical properties of numbers, and she aced that, so...
Boomstick: So she’s a nerd. Much like any nerd, she also lacks in the physical department. She’s not exactly slow or out of shape, but she doesn’t have any super strength, speed, or stamina outside of her magic, and can be taken down like any ordinary human. God knows Basilisks and Trolls sure seem to have effects on her like anyone else. She also actually never finished her seventh year at Hogwarts, and by technicality is a high-school dropout.
Wiz: Even then, Hermione Granger is an incredibly talented witch, and her cunning mind and wide variety of techniques make her not to be underestimated, no matter her age or upbringing.
Ron: Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.
Hermione: Thanks, Ronald.
Ron backs away as several students crowd around for the duel; most cheering Ron on.
Fred: One sickle.
George: You’re on.
The two are ready, and before Ron can even finish his spell...
Hermione: Stupefy.
The spell hits Ron, stunning him, and sending him flying across the room. Hermione gives a smug shrug, and Fred pays up.
Elsa[]
Wiz: In 1844, Hans Christian Anderson published his fairy tale, The Snow Queen. It was a tale of adventure, love, deception, and bravery, all focused around the accidental release of the powerful magic of a mischievous magical... troll named Satan.
Boomstick: There was some stuff about a mirror, and god, and bees, but eventually some poor boy got kidnapped by the Snow Queen so he could spell a word using skates. Considering she was in the title, she didn’t do much.
Wiz: Yeah, I’d knock Disney for making yet another extremely loose adaptation of a classic fairy tale, but the story Frozen, released in 2013, is almost so completely different I’m willing to let it slide as a completely different piece altogether.
Boomstick: In the more kid-friendly and well-known version, the Snow Queen isn’t some child-kidnapping, balance-keeping, force of nature out of Narnia. She’s Elsa, a girl with fantastic abilities, and an incredible voice... provided you don’t hear it for 24 hours straight.
Wiz: Daughter of Queen Irunda and King Agnarr, and elder sister to Anna...
Boomstick: And Tarzan!
Wiz: ...Elsa of Arendelle was always a special child, having been born with the ancient ability of cryokinesis, or the ability to control ice. These powers grew stronger as she grew older, and she struggled to keep them under control in order to avoid damaging those around her she loved most. Such an incident occurred when she nearly killed her younger sister while playing with her snow.
Boomstick: Some 5-star parent rock troll told her parents that to keep everyone, including Elsa, safe, everyone’s memories of her powers should be erased, she should be locked in her room literally all the time, and she couldn’t use her magic at all. Maybe that’s not exactly what he meant, but Elsa’s parents took it that way. Thus, she grew up lonely, depressed, and scared, and that all maxed out when their parents “died” in a boat wreck. Damn, Disney, back at it again with the dead parents.
Wiz: Elsa lived isolated like this until she was twenty-one, and old enough for her coronation. Making her first public appearance in years, she was able to conceal her powers long enough for her to be crowned Queen of Arendelle, and attend the ball afterwards. For the first time in forever, it looked as if Elsa had control over her magic.
Boomstick: But then Anna got engaged to a guy she just met, and the resulting argument resulted in a rather cold-reception at the party.
Wiz: Scared and distressed, Elsa ran off into the woods to hide herself from everyone, while in the process her magic transformed the summer of Arendelle into a deep, dark winter.
Boomstick: But, this is Disney, and not Grimm, so of course there’s a happy ending. She sang a song, was discovered, was planned to be killed, but her sister saved her, and she learned to control her magic, and everyone lived happily ever after. Yay!
Wiz: For such a lighthearted adaptation, Elsa is powerful despite her lack of combat training. Gaining her powers allegedly through being born during the Northern Lights, all things cold are under her command, including temperature, snow, and ice. Even as a child, Elsa was well-versed in her abilities, being capable of creating light snowstorms indoors and piles of snow dense enough to hold up a small child. Her powers have grown immensely since, especially after she took all her hesitation and fear towards using them and... (sighs) let it go. When fully in control, Elsa’s finesse and precision is absurd, being able to create ice sculptures from thin air, or tiny permanent flurries capable of moving on their own.
Boomstick: She can also sew using ice, make clothes out of ice, change the colour of ice, oh, and make giant fucking castles out of ice. I mean, look at that! Stairways, doors, chandeliers, balconies! All in the space of a song! Go to hell, Minecraft.
Wiz: The only logical explanation for this is the ability to condense the water vapour in the air, allowing her to choose if she wants soft snow or dense ice. Elsa hasn’t, however, shown any real scientific knowledge on cryogenics; rather, she just kind of does these things simply by putting her mind to them. What’s really notable is that in the real world, no two snowflakes are alike, but Elsa’s snowflakes and patterns are all the same, given how they stem from her power.
Boomstick: Her mastery over snow is so great that she can create snowballs by condensing the water in the air with a wave of her hand or sneeze of her nose. If that wasn’t insane enough, she can somehow make the snowmen she creates come to life without the use of a magic hat. Although most are small and not suitable for combat, she can create the monstrous Marshmallow. This bodyguard package comes complete with fierce loyalty, easily-replaceable lost limbs, and the ability to grow spiky ice armour when angered, making it harder to put him down the longer the battle is prolonged. Lack of mobility prevents him from being effective against large groups of people, but there’s not much evidence to say Elsa can only stop at one. Snowman army! Mwah hah hah, soon the Canadians will take over!
Wiz: The consciousness of her living snowmen may extend to her ice as well. When being shot at close range from a crossbow, which commonly fire at 250 feet per second with a draw weight of 150 pounds, a wall of ice was able to subconsciously create itself in time to block the impending headshot. If Elsa was confident in her ability to do this, she probably wouldn’t have flinched the way she did.
Boomstick: Before she had it all under control, Elsa’s powers responded to her subconc-ice in more ways than one. When happy, the effects were light and playful, when angered, they were dangerous and sharp, and when sad, they were void and empty. Elsa doesn’t have the power to make ice do what she wants, it’s more along the lines of all of winter responding to her will. She could temporarily subdue these powers by wearing gloves, but if you think you can stop her simply by covering her hands, you’ve got another thing coming.
Wiz: Although she often runs from combat, Elsa can hold her own if she needs to. She can raise ice barriers to defend herself, move already existing blocks of ice telekinetically, flash-freeze water, snap iron, and impale poor souls with icicles.
Boomstick: I think it’s time we stopped beating around the bush and talk about how she transformed the climate of a summer island into a neverending blizzard.
Wiz: As established by the creation of her castle, Elsa’s ice works fast. In just the span of a night, she covered the entire kingdom of Arendelle in winter, and within a few days, a massive blizzard. This is not a feat unsurpassable by nature itself, but without a doubt incredible power to be held by one human. This all happened during her period of emotional instability, where her ice refused to stop spreading until she gained control of her abilities and learned how to reverse them. The freezing of the Arendelle Bay happened simply by Elsa running across it and freezing the water she landed on. This Bay leads directly into the ocean, so if given enough time, Elsa freezing over the whole planet is not out of the realm of impossibility.
Boomstick: Scaaaaary. Speaking of bays, and no, I’m not talking about explosions or stupid words for girlfriends, Elsa once sneezed a snowball across one, taking advantage of a bugle horn to snipe a douche on another island.
Wiz: A feat smelling suspiciously of pure comic relief, but still impressive, especially given that the snowball did not appear to melt due to friction. Granted, we don’t know the distance between the two nations, or the time it took for the snowball to travel, or if it ran out of initial force and relied on gravity to come down...
Boomstick: Shut the fuck up and let Elsa have a lethal feat.
Wiz: But Boomstick, she already has one.
Boomstick: Oh, right, the curse.
Wiz: If Elsa harms another human with her magic in its raw form, rather than an ice spike, it can spell serious consequences. A hit to anywhere but the heart is not so serious, but if Elsa gets a lucky shot off, her victim can become cursed to die a slow, agonizing death where they slowly freeze from the inside. Although it can take over a day in cold conditions for this to take effect, the victim is steadily weakened over time, becoming deprived of energy, and when their time is up, they become a frozen corpse so dense steel swords shatter against it.
Boomstick: Oh my god, what a painful way to die. Until you realize that you love the victim and thaw them out, bringing them back to life. Copouts.
Wiz: Although Elsa is the only one capable of reversing her powers, she is not unbeatable. Elsa has to sacrifice precision and mental stability for power, and though her snow is heat resistant, most forms of it are not dense enough to avoid being shattered or cut through. She also does not have legitimate combat training, as much of her power has been used around problem-solving or artistry rather than engaging enemies in duels.
Boomstick: She did manage to defeat two guardsmen, but not only was she on the defensive for most of the fight, her fighting style focused on just throwing whatever ice she could at them, which doesn’t lend to much to the strategizing department. Her durability isn’t too hot either, and her peripheral vision leaves something to be desired.
Wiz: But, in spite of this, Elsa is formidable. She has slowed down thunderstorms, survived the scorching desert, and ran up stairs made of ice wearing heals. With another movie in the works, her power is sure to grow with new adventures, now that it is fully embraced.
Boomstick: I checked, she’s 23. Can I embrace her?
Wiz: Oh god.
Elsa: The cold never bothered me anyway.
Elsa turns around and walks back into her palace, slamming the doors of ice shut behind her.
Interlude[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set; lets end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle![]
The snow glows white on the side of the North Mountain, without a footprint to be seen. Over this kingdom of isolation, Queen Elsa stares far out into the horizon, gazing over her winter wonderland; her expression is a mixture of loneliness and tranquility. After sighing, and forming a small ice bird out of the condensation of her breath, she turns around and begins to walk back into her throne room. As she descends the staircase, she looks down, and something catches her eye. A blur of multicoloured dull light appears, and snakes it’s was quickly around the center of the room with wicked, twisted movement, and to Elsa’s surprise, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter form from the lines; they have apparated into the North Mountain palace.
Harry: Geez, Hermione, can’t we hide someplace warm?
Hermione: They’ll be looking for us anywhere comfortable, Harry. Surely you’d have caught on to that by now.
Elsa: Who... who are you?
The witch and wizard look up and see Elsa, who is nearly at the bottom of the stairs; scared at the sudden intrusion.
Harry: Who’s she?
Hermione: I don’t know, I thought this was just a mountain!
Elsa: You can’t be here... nobody can be here... please...
Hermione: I’m sorry, but we can’t leave here. We’re expecting a friend to come find us here.
Harry: Just wait. Where else around here can we stay?
Elsa: Anywhere. Anywhere but here.
Elsa’s words grow angrier and angrier out of fear, and snow begins to form around her, spiraling around her as she approaches the center of the room. To the astonishment of Harry and Hermione, the snow forms into a massive snow monster; Marshmallow. The two back away slowly, frightened by their new adversary.
Harry: Hermione, you’re the genius, what’s she doing?
Hermione: I don’t know, Nordic magic?
Elsa: LEAVE!
Marshmallow roars at the two, who book it out of the hall and down the icy staircase leading to the mountain. Marshmallow gives chase while they run for their lives into the trees, approaching the Cliffside.
Harry: Hermione! We have to go back!
Hermione: I don’t think we can! There doesn’t seem to be much opportunity for reason!
Harry: No, we have to go back! I forgot the bag with the Horcrux in it!
Hermione: Harry, you dimwitted troll!
The argument has to be saved for later, as Harry is hit from behind by a massive snowball and knocked out cold. Hermione turns to see Marshmallow on the top of the hill, roaring at her, and Elsa standing in the entrance to the castle, making sure the intruders are dealt with. Cursing under her breath, she draws her wand out of her pocket and begins to run up the hill.
FIGHT!!!
(Sky Battle, 0:55-1:52)
Hermione fires two bolts from her wand as she runs, and each blasts Marshmallow in the shoulders, destroying large portions of his upper body. He roars, and his shoulders grow back, replaced with ice, and he grows a set of ice fangs and claws. Hermione’s third shot misses and flies behind him, and nearly strikes Elsa, until she puts up a barrier of ice to protect herself. The force of the blast still knocks her to the ground, and scared, she runs inside, shutting the door behind her. Marshmallow runs down after Hermione, and rips a tree out of its roots along the way. He throws it at the witch, who waves her wand and vanishes it. Marshmallow is confused by the act, allowing Hermione to get in close, but not close enough to do damage. At his feet, she barely ducks a swing of his arm, and rolls in between his legs to avoid another attack. With a flick of the wrist, she slashes a part of Marshmallow’s leg off, but he simply steps his stump back on and reconnects his leg. Seeing another slash coming, Hermione ducks underneath the snow monster’s arm once again and lifts up her wand; however, she slips on the ice he’s been leaving behind, and gets batted by the giant into a tree.
Seeing her wand on the ground a few meters away from her, Elsa crawls to reach it, but Marshmallow steps on it and cushions it in the snow of his leg. Hermione screams and runs up the tree, and Marshmallow begins to claw at it trying to get her down. As Granger rocks in the branches, she fumbles around and manages to get her handbag out of her sock, opening it up just as she falls out and into Marshmallow’s hands. As he roars and prepares to bite her head off, Hermione pulls out a jar from her bag and sticks both of her hands, and the jar, into the beast’s chest.
With a pop, she opens up the lid, and the Bluebell flames escape the jar, into Marshmallow’s body. He roars in pain and drops Hermione, who rolls away as his body begins to crumble, burning from the inside. Blue flames begin to escape from his mouth and eyes, and soon, Marshmallow is little more than a pile of moist snow on the side of the mountain.
Hermione spots her wand amongst the body, and picks it up, running for the palace door. However, on her way, she stops and quickly casts a shield charm to block an incoming blast of ice from Elsa, who stands on the balcony of her palace trying to shoot Hermione from afar. Hermione blocks four more attacks before Elsa waves her hand and conjures a mass of icicles above the witch’s head, dropping them with intent to impale. A wave of the wand turns them all into party streamers and Hermione shoots a bolt at the balcony; Elsa runs back inside before it goes up in flames. Granger runs up to the door of ice and taps her wand against it.
Hermione: Alohomora.
The door unlocks and swings open, and Hermione runs inside, seeing her bag on the floor. Before she can run and get to it, Elsa reappears on the upper floors, and waves her hands. A dozen more Marshmallows appear on the bottom floor, all standing between Hermione and the bag.
As Hermione runs to the center of the room, she starts sending spells flying as the beasts run at her. One is hit and disintegrated into dust, another is levitated high above the floor and dropped, returning to flakes, and another is transfigured into a literal marshmallow. One by one, they fall, but Elsa is not done yet. She waves her hands and two large blocks of ice form on either side of Hermione. As Granger finishes off the last beast by summoning a large boulder with Accio, she notices the blocks just as Elsa smashes them together.
The Ice Queen breathes a sigh of relief now that the intruder is gone, and pulls the blocks apart. To her shock, Hermione is not in between them, and she makes her presence known behind Elsa on the upper floor; she apparated away at the last second. Hermione tackles Elsa and the two fall down the stairs in a catfight, before the stairs shatter halfway through and they each fall to the floor. Bloodied and bruised, Elsa struggles to her feet, while Hermione heals her own wounds. Noticing an icicle nearby, Hermione levitates it and hurls it at Elsa, who has a shield raise up around herself to block the attack. Elsa then fires a miniaturized blizzard at Hermione, who counters with Incendio. Fire and ice collide, and the palace begins to crumble around the two. Elsa breaks the hold, and puts a hand to the ground; the ice in the floor rises, creating a slope that trips Hermione up and sends her sliding into the wall. Elsa then creates a large block of ice and it slides down into Hermione, shattering the wall and knocking her outside.
Elsa follows Granger, who picks herself up, and conjures a pair of metal handcuffs around Elsa’s hands. Elsa doesn’t flinch, and her hands freeze the handcuffs so badly they collapse and break.
(Whiteout, 0:57-1:12)
But the two will have to wait before they attack each other again, as the palace falls down to the ground and creates an avalanche on the North Mountain. Both begin to run down the hill and into the forest as the snow piles up around them; as it becomes clear it will overtake them, Hermione apparates away, picking up Harry on the way, and Elsa forms a dome of ice around herself to protect her while the snow carries her down and onto a frozen lake.
After all settles down, Elsa breaks through the snow, and sees Hermione waiting for her. With a few snowflakes forming around her hand, she watches tensely as Hermione’s wand emits a faint green light.
(Silence)
Hermione: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Elsa: FROZEN HEART!
(Let It Go Orchestral, 3:02-3:30)
Two attacks, sure to be fatal, fly towards each other, and hit each other, creating a spark of light. The young women try the tactic again, with the same result. Now hell-bent on killing each other, attacks fly as they skate around the lake firing off magic; Elsa attempts to hid behind some barriers of ice, but Hermione’s attacks hit them and reduce them to tiny shards of ice. The wind picks up as they fight, responding to Elsa’s growing rage, and soon, the two are fighting in a heavy snowstorm.
Hermione and Elsa continue to blast at each other, with their attacks reflecting off of each other and creating near-fireworks in the sky, as Elsa’s power gets further out of control. The ice underneath the two starts to rise out of her rage, and it carries the two into the sky, creating a massive mountain of ice. Underneath the moonlight, and above the frozen lake, they continue to duel, wand against hand. Finally, with a wave of her wand, Hermione creates a massive wave of fire, carving a line between her and Elsa. Elsa’s side of the mountain begins to shake, and, knowing it’s about to fall, Elsa leaps forward. She jumps through the fire just as it crumbles and parts of the mountain fall to the ground with a sound as loud as thunder. In the air, Elsa shoots a blast of ice at Hermione’s wand, freezing it and her arm with it, but Hermione merely gives a determined look at the queen’s face, and raises her other arm.
Elsa stops in the middle of the air and gets pushed back from the edge of the cliff; floating in the sky far, far above the ground: Wingadrium Leviosa, performed wandlessly. Elsa kicks at the nothingness holding her, and with a look of absolute terror on her face, gazes pleadingly towards Hermione, who holds her in the air, completely at her mercy.
After a moment of consideration, Hermione then drops her.
Screaming silently, Elsa falls, tumbling through the air as she gets closer and closer to the ground, before she becomes impaled on a shard of ice that fell earlier from the crumbling mountain. The force of the impact sends the spire a good four feet through her chest, and her eyes roll back in her head as the blood escapes and freezes instantly around her wound. Hermione then apparates off of the mountain.
K.O!!!
Hermione walks through the castle of Arendelle, erasing Elsa from all its pictures, as Anna sleeps in her bed.
The ice melts and Elsa’s body sinks into the restored lake.
Results[]
Boomstick: My ears are free! So long, and good riddance!
Wiz: Elsa certainly packs more destructive capability than Hermione, but this was an uphill battle she struggled to, and in the end, could not win. Yes, Elsa froze over an entire island, but it’s not like she destroyed it and killed everyone on it. Rather, she gradually changed the weather and made living conditions uncomfortable. This widespread power is not only something restricted to when Elsa is emotionally unstable, which is a resolved issue, but there’s nothing stopping Hermione from simply apparating across the country to avoid it.
Boomstick: Hermione packs a much wider variety of magic, and while Elsa can do lots with her ice, when it came down to combat, her attacks became predictable, which isn't a characteristic you want when you're going up against someone like Hermione.
Wiz: Plenty of ancient cultures in the Harry Potter Universe also use Wandless magic on the regular, so there was no hope of Elsa being able to catch Hermione off guard, as opposed to Elsa having nothing to go off of against a wand that could do... nearly everything.
Boomstick: Elsa’s ice barriers may be able to react to crossbows which can fire faster than plenty of spells, however, not all of Hermione’s attacks are visible, some are instantaneous, and most pack enough destructive force to shatter Elsa’s ice. Let’s be real, her ice isn’t that strong; when she tried to squish a guy into a wall, the ice wall simply broke behind him. Hermione could also simply vanish, melt, or straight-up blow up any ice Elsa created.
Wiz: Hermione is fast on the draw as well; her reaction speed is so great she can analyze a threat, draw her wand, cast a spell, and have it take full effect before other well-practiced duelists can even draw their own wands. Said spell also happened to be a shield charm, which is no doubt much more reliable than an ice barrier, giving Hermione the edge in defense she needed.
Boomstick: But in the end, the absolute clincher was experience, where Hermione stomped hard.
Wiz: Indeed. Elsa’s successful combat results are dubious, but Hermione is much, much, MUCH more capable in a fight, having years of formal training with how to use her magic. During the battle at the Ministry of Magic, Hermione defeated two Death Eaters in less than a minute, which completely overshadows Elsa narrowly defeating two henchmen armed with relatively primitive weaponry. She has fought in several battles, most of which involved top-notch dark wizards and legendary duellists, and survived. Elsa... hasn’t. At all.
Boomstick: Even when Elsa called for reinforcements, they weren’t enough, as Hermione had so many ways to dispose of them, it practically turned into a hack and slash video game. Lastly, Hermione is capable of using the spell Silencio, which shuts its victim the fuck up, preventing Elsa from using her singing to increase her power or annoy her opponent to death.
Wiz: Elsa’s power may be beautiful and dangerous, but compared to the scope of magic in the Harry Potter universe, almost all of which Hermione has mastered, the Ice Queen was covered up herself.
Boomstick: Thanks to the removal of killing restraints, Hermione took any temptation to save Elsa and Let It Go.
Wiz: The winner is Hermione Granger.
Trivia[]
This fight was nominated for "Best Magical Battle" in the 2016 Death Battle Fanon Wiki Awards
Next Time[]
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle!
Knuckles and Donkey Kong are falling down into the depths of the Earth when Knuckles breaks free of the ape's grip. With a mighty punch, he knocks Kong's heart out of his chest, killing him, and letting his body fall while Knuckles stops himself using the wall.
Knuckles: Haha, yeah! I won! Now I'm ready for another opponent!
Suddenly the screen turns greyscale and Sonic the Hedgehog steps in front of it.
Sonic: Hey, that's not how it...
Knuckles appears and interrupts.
Knuckles: Shhhh!