Death Battle Fanon Wiki
Heavy vs Coach

Heavy vs. Coach is a What-If? episode of Death Battle


Heavy vs Coach battle of the Valve Heavyweights! Who Will Win? Who Will Die?


Wiz: When the apocalypse arrives whether it's a zombie or robot apocalypse you will want to side by these two

Boomstick: Heavy Weapons Guy, The Heavy-Armed Combatant of Mann Co.

Wiz: And Coach, The Zombie Survivor

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win A DEATH BATTLE!


Wiz: Heavy Weapons Guy is the master of assaults and is the powerhouse of the 9 classes

Boomstick: He can annihilate anyone dumb enough to piss him off. And that may be partially due to his gear of extremely powerful weaponry

Wiz: While he is no stranger to hand to hand combat and is still a powerhouse in that regard. He does have some guns to his disposal including shotguns and miniguns. The Brass Beast can deal insane damage within seconds killing any ordinary human as long as they aren't too fast. But his gloves of running urgently can fix that by increasing his speed!

Boomstick: His Warrior sprit can increase his hand to hand combat strength and his holiday punch can make the target laugh so hard it renders them paralyzed for a few seconds. When injured the sandvich heals him up and the showdown can kill any normal human in one shot with the flick of his wrist. How the hell does that work?

Wiz: But his deadliest weapon in his arsenal is the Huo-Long Heater which not only fires bullets at 40 rounds per second but also surrounds the heavy in a ring of flames damaging anyone foolish enough to stand next to him.

Boomstick: The only downside to his minigun arsenal is they don't last a few seconds of usage and he won't have any ammo left. But he'll still accomplish incredible feats. Including taking out an army of robots, and being able to kill the wizard merasmus and surviving a killer carnival filled with deadly go-kart games wait what the fu-\

Wiz: Of course with any brute his speed is sorely lacking without the gloves of running urgently & he's reliant on a medic to aid him during combat but he's still got what it takes

Boomstick: Heavy will whip those babies into shape!

Heavy: You are so small it's funny to me!


Boomstick: Coach is one of the 4 survivors fighting against the waves of zombies

Wiz: And knows how to blaze through them anywhere from a shopping mall to a carnival

Boomstick: And that's due to his arsenal of guns

Wiz: He always keeps around a pistol with infinite ammo. And can hold two at a time!

Boomstick: He also keeps around things like Shotguns, Machine guns & sniper rifles, But if he ever needs to maximize damage his grenade launcher can do the job perfectly and last but definatly not least the M60 can rapidly fire bullets. If that's not enough he can upgrade his ammo to incendiary which can light the opponent on fire and explosive bullets. Which does exactly what you think it does!

Wiz: But if things take a melee combat turn he always has one at his disposal ranging from Axes to Frying Pans. Adrenaline increases his speed and strength temporality and pills increases his health for a short time and can just heal on his own with med-kits.

Boomstick: And he's no stranger to stradegy with things like Gas Cans, Oxygen tank, Propane & Fireworks! And when things get tight the chainsaw rips through anything without mercy! Also he seems to have high resistance to anything as he can walk through fire & bullets! Are you sure he's human?

Wiz: However human or non-human he does seem to have a weakness towards explosives. Also he is reliant on his team to watch his back

Boomstick: But don't underestimate him that'll be the last mistake you'll ever make!

Coach: Baby that's how it's DONE!


Heavy is walking through Hard Rain when he discovers coach

Heavy: You Fight Me Coward!

Coach: Excuse Me? Excuse Me!?

Heavy: Let us fight man versus tiny baby man!

The Art of War Plays

Coach just laughs as he pulls out his pistol while heavy brings up his fists


Heavy charges at Coach but coach shoots at heavy

Heavy: Put up fists little man!

Coach pulls out an axe and starts swinging it at Heavy and slashes him in the chest however Heavy pulls out the warrior's spirit and uppercuts Coach away.

Heavy: Take That!

Coach: Alright! Game On! Game On Baby!

Heavy charges at Coach with the gloves of running urgently


Coach ducks under at starts to combo heavy with his frying pan

Coach: This used to be a nice neighborhood!

Coach slams heavy in the face knocking him to the ground. Coach starts laughing but is shot by heavy's shotgun.

Heavy: You are gonna need much bigger guns!

Coach: That's the plan!

Coach pulls out a shotgun as well and they both shoot at each other shooting each other bullets however Coach pulls out a AK-47 and shoots at Heavy's Head. But heavy pulls out his Minigun phasing Coach

Coach: Oh Shit!

Heavy just laughs and begins to shoot at Coach


Coach pulls out his dual pistols though and shoots at heavy's arms making him drop the gun and Coach throws it away from Heavy. However Heavy uppercuts Coach again

Heavy: It's good time to run cowa-

Midnight Ride Plays

Coach shoots Heavy with the sniper but Heavy pulls out his Brass Beast and shoot at Coach destroying his Sniper but Coach uses his adrenaline to outrun the bullets and he grabs the M60 and showers the Heavy in bullets

Coach: Get ready I'm gonna beat your ass!

Coach then throws a Gas Can and shoots it lighting heavy on fire


Coach then throws a Oxygen Tank at Heavy making it explode Heavy pulls out his shotgun just as Heavy is about to use his propane tank and he shoots it making it explode in Coach's face

Heavy: I am going to kill you and kill you and kill you!

Coach however grabs explosive ammo and starts shooting at Heavy with the Submachine Gun then he equips incendiary ammo and shoots at Heavy again then throws a molotov then a pipe bomb.

Coach: Alright!

Heavy gets back up on his feet and uses the showdown launching Coach. Heavy then pulls out the Huo-Long Heater

Heavy: I am heavy weapons guy and this is my new weapon!

Coach pulls out the grenade launcher but the heavy shoots at Coach and then shoots the Explosive Barrel detonating an explosive lighting fire all around Coach takes pills right before the explosive barrel goes off

Heavy: You are dead, Not a big surpri-

A bullet hits the fireworks making them launch as Coach walks through the flames

One Bad Tank Plays

Heavy: It's Not Possi-

Coach shoots the grenade launcher at heavy then throws a bile-jar making heavy unable to see then Coach charges up his chainsaw

Heavy: Not Good!

Coach: A One Man Cheeseburger Apocalypse!

Heavy screams as the Chainsaw rips him to shreds

Coach: That's how we do it!


Coach is playing the shooting gallery game while Heavy's corpse gets raided by a blue spy and he runs off with a Mann Co. Key


Boomstick: Holy Shit!

Wiz: Heavy may have had the strength advantage but Coach had the upper hand in everything else. He certainly did not have the advantage over strength but also had the upper hand in defense, being able to walk through pretty much anything. But most importantly Coach has delt with similar strength before. The tanks! So he had plenty of experience against countering it!

Boomstick: Looks like Coach shredded through the competition!

Wiz: The winner is Coach!