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Harley Quinn vs B.B. Hood is a What-If? Death Battle by DBDoctor13. It sees Harley Quinn [1] from D.C. Comics fighting against B.B. Hood [2] from the Darkstalkers franchise.
DESCRIPTION[]
Two blonde psychopaths just want to have fun. But now they’re in each other’s way! Will Harleen take down Baby Bonnie? Or will Bulleta have the last laugh on the Clown Princess of Crime?
INTRODUCTION[]
(Music: Wiz & Boomstick- Brandon Yates)
Wiz: Never underestimate a young pretty blonde girl. Though often stereotyped across a vast amount of fictional works as a simple damsel in distress, there are plenty of women with those characteristics who can kick just as much ass as the men in their universe.
Boomstick: Harley Quinn; DC’s Clown Anti-Hero and ex-girlfriend to The Joker.
Wiz: And B.B. Hood; the insane young Bounty Hunter from Darkstalkers.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
HARLEY QUINN[]
(Music: Super Freak by Rick James)
Wiz: Harleen Francis Quinzel was born in Canarsie, Brooklyn. She was the eldest of four children and the only daughter in her family. However, she quickly showed a bright future ahead. She was an honor student and a pro when it came to gymnastics. She attended Gotham University and studied Veterinary and Biological Sciences before pursuing Psychology.
Boomstick: Her grades were so perfect that she quickly earned herself an internship at the Nuttiest Place on Earth; Arkham Asylum!
Wiz: Harleen hoped to write a tell-all book chronicling her experiences working at the legendary Arkham Asylum and analyzing their countless famed meta-human prisoners. Unfortunately, she soon became infatuated with the most dangerous inmate of all. The Clown Prince of Crime himself; The Joker.
(Harley hears Joker whistling and walks over curious as the sworn enemy of The Batman winks at her.)
(Music: Harley and Joker from Suicide Squad: Original Motion Picture Score- Steven Price)
Wiz: Seeing a perfect ally, Joker played Harleen like a fiddle promising to reveal his secrets to her and only her alone. It took some convincing, but the intern persuaded the higher-ups to let her have a one-on-one session with The Joker. Harleen felt like she was prepared for anything he could throw at her.
(JOKER: Y’know. My father used to beat me up pretty badly.)
Boomstick: Everything except that.
Wiz: The Joker played Harleen’s sympathy, painting himself out to be a scared and lost soul trying to make the world laugh at his antics, while portraying The Dark Knight as the true villain determined to ruin his attempts at every turn. Yes, as unimaginable as it was, Harleen had fallen in love with her patient.
(HARLEEN: Pretty crazy, right? UNKNOWN VOICE: Not at all. As a dedicated career-oriented young woman, you felt the need to abstain from all amusement and fun. It’s only natural that you would be attracted to a man who could make you laugh again. HARLEEN: I knew you’d understand. [The camera pans out revealing Harley to be lying down on the sofa and Joker sitting in the chair taking notes.] JOKER: Anytime.)
Boomstick: But before they could make with the ha-ha’s, the security found out about Harley’s infatuation with The Joker. Harley took this well and accepted that her love was not meant to be…
(He and Wiz burst out laughing.)
Boomstick: Sorry. No. I couldn’t finish that with a straight face.
Wiz: Instead, Harley broke the Joker out while creating a new persona for herself.
(HALREY: Knock-knock, Puddin’. Say hello to your new-and-improved Harley Quinn!)
(Music: Crashing the Party from Batman: The Animated Series Soundtrack- Shirley Walker)
Boomstick: Together they became the King and Queen of Gotham. God help those who disrespected the queen because this bitch’s got claws. She’s strong enough to knock out Batman with a giant mallet, pierce Killer Croc’s skin with two broken bowling pins, and even send The Joker into a firework control console so hard that it just exploded!
Wiz: That would be thanks to her partner, Poison Ivy. After The Joker abandoned her, Ivy gave Harley a serum which increased her strength, speed, and agility. She’s even gone toe-to-to with Big Barda of the New Gods and held her own with the Goddess herself!
Boomstick: Barda’s been compared to Wonder Woman who is strong enough to lift the Earth around with the help of other heroes. We previously established that Wondy can lift 2.2 Quintillion Tons for her part, so Barda should be able to do the same. And Harley beat her with one simple hard throw of a goblet! Damn!
Wiz: And like her former patient, Harley has her own set of wonderful toys.
(Music: Joker Talk Show Source (Extended) from Batman: The Animated Series Soundtrack- Stuart Balcomb)
Boomstick: Aw, yeah! Harley’s favorite weapons include oversized mallets and hammers. Reminds me of a training regiment Mamma Boomstick put us through going up! But when she wants to, she gets really rough and channels her inner Alex Rodriguez with her special baseball bat; Good Night!
Boomstick whacks Wiz in the head with a bat.
Wiz: AGH! (Weakly) Why…?
Boomstick: I gave you a heads-up.
Wiz: Ugh. Anyways, Harley also carries around Dual .357 Revolvers or customized Chiappa Rhino 60DS which are 6 Cylinder magnum revolvers. They can sometimes hold multiple functions such as expelling knockout gas, flash-bangs, or confetti strong enough to strap victims to a chair. She’s also got plenty of explosives, including two in the balls on her jester hat.
Boomstick: But Harley also has experience using chainsaws, batons, an oversized boxing glove gun, a machine gun with a grenade launcher strapped to it, and a fake moustache with doubles as a picklock. And then there are her two trained pet hyenas; Bud and Lou!
(HARLEY: SNACK TIME, BOYS! [Bud and Lou proceed to tear into Harley’s opponent before she knocks the opponent out with a baseball bat to the face.])
Boomstick: Oh, man. Looking at all that is definitely making my pants stretch.
Wiz: Well, Harley has accomplished a lot from what little she started with. She’s escaped Hell, briefly became a Green Lantern, and has even defeated both The Joker and Batman on numerous occasions. Plus thanks to Ivy’s formula, she’s become immune to some of the most deadly concoctions the DC Universe has to offer, including The Joker’s own Joker Venom or Scarecrow’s Fear Toxin.
([Harley inhales Scarecrow’s Fear Toxin and pretends to sneeze.] HARLEEN: Please. I used to huff this stuff for kicks!])
Wiz: But Harley is not perfect. Far from it. She can be clumsy and idiotic on occasion. Plus, if someone is able to make her feel bad, she can completely shut down and loose all faith in everything.
Boomstick: But Harley’s too much of a badass to let a little sadness bring her down. She even eventually left the Joker and started her own gang. I think it’s safe to say that despite all the damage he did, The Joker wasn’t able to break Harleen.
([Harley breaks open a window and leans over to take a purse.] RICK FLAG: Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you people? HARLEY: We’re bad guys. It’s what we do.)
???: WAIT!!!!
Boomstick: What the-?!
Harley Quinn suddenly appears on the monitor.
HARLEY QUINN: YO! BOOM-MAN AND DOCTA’ W! YOU FORGOT ONE MORE FEAT.
Boomstick (Worried): No.
Wiz: Yeah. I’m sorry to say that in recent years Harley Quinn has been able to break the Fourth Wall as well.
Boomstick: Goddammit!
HARLEY QUINN: Don’t worry Mistah B. Unlike that idiot who couldn’t get his own streaming animated series, I promise to behave myself. (Crosses heart) Scout’s Honor. Now let’s see my competition.
B.B. HOOD[]
(Music: Evil Eye by Dan and Adam Skinner)
Wiz: The world of Darkstalkers is plagued by monsters who come from a spirit world to conquer our planet in the name of their dark emperor.
Boomstick: And that’s when the Earth isn’t being invaded by aliens!
(CATS: All your bases are belong to us.)
Wiz: Fortunately, there are those to fight back against such forces in defense of the Earth. But not all of them are noble or sane. Especially one of the most surprising fighters. A young tween girl named Baby Bonnie Hood.
Boomstick: But you can just call her B.B. Hood.
(B.B. HOOD: Should I stab you or shoot you?)
Wiz: Born in Northern Europe, B.B. Hood is a monster bounty hunter. What she kills, she does so for money.
Boomstick: And her parents are totally okay with this?
Wiz: Apparently so.
Boomstick (opening a beer): I salute you B.B.!
Wiz: B.B.’s power and skill was so astonishing for her age that she was quickly dubbed a Class ‘S’ Hunter. But deep down, B.B. had a dark brooding heart. That was eventually enough to catch the attention of the dark god Jedah to bring her into a reality he created.
Boomstick: See, much like other tournament fighter main baddies, Jedah was setting up a tournament bringing the worst monsters ever to fight and he thought B.B. would be perfect for his competition. And considering what this girl is capable of, he couldn’t have chose a better contestant.
Wiz: B.B. is a thrill-seeker who will sometimes kill just because it amuses her more than actually getting paid. Which is why she often pretends to be a helpless little girl in order to then get in close and personal with her wide arsenal of weapons.
Boomstick: Yeah, that wicker basket she carries around? That’s not full of sweets for granny, but instead holding two uzi’s!
Wiz: She also has a land mine which she keeps… in her skirt…
Boomstick: Yeah, I’m not touching that one.
Wiz: Me, either. Let’s move on.
Boomstick: Besides those two, she also has missiles, explosive apples, two daggers, a Molotov cocktail, a machete, a pistol, and plenty of other explosives and knives to make any day a happy Boomstick-Styled Picnic at the park!
Wiz: And while B.B. is still a normal human, it appears she has one special ability. A power referred to as Beautiful Memory.
Boomstick: I have plenty of those. Like all the times I make you groan at the end of an episode!
Wiz: Well, B.B.’s works a bit differently. At any given point, B.B. will see an image of her grandmother who may or may not be dead. This sends her into a furious rage where she will then stab wildly while creating a puddle of bombs before throwing her opponent into the bombs for a massive explosion.
Boomstick: How…I don’t…
Wiz: Let’s just move on.
(Music: Overpowered from Circuits and Salvation- Phantom Power)
Boomstick: Even with all those skills, B.B. is still an impressive little scamp. She’s spun somebody around so hard that a mini-tornado formed! And then she slammed them into the ground! She can do this to anybody even if they're three times taller than she is!
Wiz: A regular tornado usually has a wind speed of about at least 18 Miles Per Second. Scaling to half of that which would make sense given how nothing gets sucked into it, we can deduce that B.B. can spin somebody around at around 21,600 Miles Per Hour.
Boomstick: Okay, I want to adopt this girl as soon as possible!
Wiz: Well, B.B. is impressive, but she is also only human. Her love of money can often be used against her, and her mental state isn’t giving her any advantages. Furthermore, an attack could leave her open for a particularly lethal finisher. Plus, while she was strong enough to help defeat Jedah, she is considered one of the weakest characters in the Darkstalkers series.
Boomstick: But ‘weak’ is the last thing I would ever think about calling this girl! B.B. may be a young tween, but she’s also such a major badass.
(B.B. HOOD: I’ll feel great after I kill everything in this world!)
DEATH BATTLE![]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTTTLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
PRE-FIGHT[]
B.B. Hood is seen walking through Gotham City with a sheet of paper. She holds it up revealing a Wanted Poster of The Joker.
B.B. HOOD (V.O.): According to this, The Joker is one of the deadliest monsters in the world. Bringing in his head would sure give me some extra credits. The only lead I have is an associate of his named ‘Harley Quinn.’ If only I knew where to find her…
B.B. looks up to see a building with a neon sign reading ‘Dr. Quinn’s Psychiatry.’
B.B. HOOD (V.O.): Well, might as well start here.
We smash-cut to B.B. sitting in a waiting room with Hit-Girl, Esdeath, Azula, and Mandy (from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy). We fade repeatedly as each person before B.B. leaves until she is there sleeping.
HARLEY QUINN (O.S. Screaming): NEXT!
B.B. wakes up shocked and falls to the ground. She dusts herself off and walks into the Doctor’s office to see a pretty blonde woman with big glasses in a white shirt and black skirt sitting at a chair.
HARLEY QUINN: Hiya, blondie. My name’s Dr. Harleen Quinzel. But you can call me ‘Harley’. Everyone does.
B.B. nods innocently and lies down on the couch.
HARLEY QUINN: So what can I do fer you, sweetie?
B.B. HOOD (Sadly): Well, Miss… I lost something very important to me, and I feel that there’s one person who can help me get it back.
HARLEY QUINN (Taking notes): Go on…
B.B. HOOD: There’s this woman named Harley Quinn… do you know her?
HARLEY QUINN: Know her?! Honey, you’re lookin’ right at her.
B.B. HOOD (Grinning): That’s all I needed to know.
(Music: Crazy Blondes by Brandon Yates)
B.B. Hood lunges at Harley as the two crash through the window of the office. They hit a number of clotheslines on the way down which helps to slow their landing and allows them to reach the surface easily. Upon landing, Harley tears off her uniform revealing her Classic Harley Quinn outfit underneath. She pulls on her mask and takes out her mallet.
HARLEY QUINN: Listen, blondie; I don’t wanna fight no kids!
B.B. HOOD (Revealing Her Uzi’s): Too bad for that!
FIGHT![]
B.B. starts firing at the Harlequin, but Harley manages to dodge all her bullets until B.B. Runs out.
B.B. HOOD: Dammit!
HARLEY QUINN (Whacking B.B. in the Face and Imitating Mario): Mama-Mia!
Harley proceeds to whack B.B. in the face similar to when a Smash Character gets the Hammer in Super Smash Bros., until B.B. holds out an apple. Harley looks down surprised only for the apple to go off in her face, leaving her with a soot-covered face. Harley shakes her head back-and-forth, getting rid of the soot. Harley then looks down to see that B.B. has left a landmine by her feet and is bouncing away.
HARLEY QUINN: Oh, poopy.
The landmine goes off, but Harley is revealed to have jumped backwards avoiding the explosion. Harley then takes out her baseball bat and starts whacking away at B.B.’s face.
HARLEY QUINN: Batter at the plate!
Harley goes in for a hard swing, knocking one of B.B’s teeth out.
HARLEY: IT IS HIGH! IT IS FAR! IT IS GONE!
B.B. then takes out a Molotov Cocktail and prepares to light it up only for Harley to kick it out of her hands. Harley then takes out her dual revolvers and shoots B.B. in the chest a couple of times.
HARLEY QUINN: Aw, does baby have a boo-boo? Is baby gonna cry? Does baby want her nanny?
Suddenly, B.B. looks enraged. She then goes straight at Harley Quinn and starts stabbing her wildly as a puddle of bombs start to form from the bottom. All the while, B.B. keeps crying tears. Finally, she spins Harley around and tosses her into the bombs which go off.
B.B. HOOD: It’s done. Huh. I actually should’ve asked about The Joker.
Suddenly, a steak is thrown right in B.B.’s Face. The red-hooded bounty hunter looks up surprised, shocked, and angered to see Harley holding onto a fire-escape, her costume in tatters.
B.B. HOOD: Did you- Did you just throw a steak in my face?!
HARLEY QUINN: Da-dum…
B.B. HOOD (Confused): What-?
HARLEY QUINN: Da-dum…
B.B. HOOD: Why are you-?!
HARLEY QUINN: Da-dum… Da-dum… Da-dum.
Suddenly, a high-pitched laughing noise can be heard. As Harley continues her chant, it is now clear that Harley is singing the theme song from JAWS. The high-pitched laughing gets closer as Harley’s Pet Hyenas, Lou and Bud, run around the corner and pounce on B.B. Hood. The two trained animals start tearing away at the Darkstalker’s flesh as she screams in terror. Harley then drops down from above whistling. On command, her hyenas run away leaving B.B. with whole chunks of her flesh missing. Harley takes out her giant oversized mallet, swinging it around like crazy.
HARLEY QUINN: BONZAI!!!
Right before she lands, the scene freezes as Harley looks outwards, breaking the fourth wall.
HARLEY QUINN: To all the kids reading this right now; COVER YOUR EYES!
With that, Harley slams her mallet down, crushing B.B.’s upper-half in a bloody pulp.
HARLEY QUINN: HERE'S HARLEY!
Harley stands up and pets her twin heyenas affectionately.
HARLEY QUINN: Good babies. You did great. Mommy loves ya. Let’s get you a treat.
Harley starts skipping along while singing before looking down at her blood-soaked-and-torn outfit.
HARLEY QUINN: Oh, jeez. Docta’ Q, we gotta get you outta this outfit. You ain’t a nun.
Harley continues her skipping leaving the body of B.B. behind.
K.O.[]
Announcer: K.O.!
RESULTS[]
Boomstick: Well, that’s another child death!
Wiz: Both combatants were more powerful than you would believe, but Harley Quinn’s unpredictable nature and varied arsenal gave the Clown Princess what she needed to win the day!
Boomstick: Yeah, B.B. helped defeat Jedah, but it was only through teamwork and what-not. That kind of thing isn’t allowed on Death Battle. Plus, while her mini-tornado feat was impressive, Harley had a lot more under her belt; agility, speed, strength, durability, and even her own intelligence had better stats than B.B.’s.
Wiz: Right. Harley was once dragged through buildings by Superman foe Bizarro. Since Bizarro can scale to Superman, Harley survived being smashed through buildings by him and was just fine. While B.B. Hood relied on her surprises, Harley’s career has been made fighting around foes that could surprise her. The Darkstalker was certainly no pushover, but she couldn’t stand up to the Joker’s former henchwoman.
Boomstick: Look’s like Harley-
HARLEY QUINN (Appearing on the Monitors): MADE A GRAND-SLAM! HA!
Boomstick (Angirly): Oh, you motherfu-
HARLEY QUINN: Aw, relax, Mistah B. I'm just clowning around. All I really needed to do was HAMMER my point home.
Wiz pinches his eyes groaning at the lame pun.
HARLEY QUINN: C'mon Docta' W! I really POUNDED that one!
Wiz: The Winner is Harley Quinn!
TRIVIA[]
The connection between Harley Quinn and B.B. Hood is that they are both crazy and tend to fight people more powerful than they are. They are also both blonde.
The soundtrack title 'Crazy Blondes' refers to how both characters are crazy and are both blondes.
Harley screaming "HERE'S HARLEY!" is a reference to the Stanley Kubrick film adaptation of The Shining. Coincidently, Jack Nicholson who played Jack Torrance would go on to play The Joker in Tim Burton's Batman (1989) a few years later.
Harley is the first combatant in DBDoctor13's Death Battle to break the fourth wall. She is also the first in one of his battles to steal the last pun from Boomstick.
DBDoctor13 had always wanted to do a Harley Quinn Death Battle, but could never find the right opponent until he learned of B.B. Hood.