| They’ve come for our souls! | |
|---|---|
| Season | 1 |
| Season Episode | 2 |
| Air date | I don’t remember :D |
| Written by | Cheesypickles564 |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous Dipper Pines vs Fone Bone |
Next Atrocitus vs Jiren |
Hades vs The Devil is Cheesypickles564’s second Death Battle featuring Hades from Disney’s Hercules and The Devil from Cuphead.
Description[]
It’s Disney vs Cuphead as two snazzy deal-makers square off in a fight to the death. Will Hades be able to send the Devil back to hell, or will the Devil take Hades’ soul? Find out now on Death Battle!
Interlude[]
Puppy: When you are the overseer of the underworld, the harvester of souls, etcetera, you are casually represented as a shadowy antagonistic character.
Kitty: But your opinion on ‘em will sure get worse when they try to take your soul forcefully!
Puppy: Like Hades, the Greek god of death.
Kitty: And The Devil, the rubber-hose enemy of Cuphead. He’s Puppy and I’m Kitty!
Puppy: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Hades[]
Puppy: Who puts the glad in gladiator?
Kitty: Hercules!
Puppy: Whose daring deeds make great theatre?
Kitty: Hercules!
Puppy: All right, fun’s over. You, our unfortunate viewer, probably know who we’re talking about. The Ancient Greek Mythological hero, Hercules.
Kitty: HONEY, YOU MEAN HUNKULES-
(Puppy pulls out a pump shotgun and aims it at Kitty’s head.)
Puppy: Say that again, and I’ll pull this trigger.
Kitty: Sheesh.
Puppy: Moving on, Disney had to go and capitalize this iconic hero and they made a movie titled “Hercules.”
Kitty: Kinda anticlimactic.
Puppy: This movie happens to be our boss’s favorite Disney movie, so pipe down, Kitty.
Kitty: Ok.
Puppy: At the beginning of the movie, we see the entire Greek pantheon gathered on Olympus. Hera had bore a child, Hercules, and they had a party. Every god and goddess was attending. And then, we see Hades, the brother of Zeus.
Kitty: Hades seemed like a nice guy, even being on the pantheon of Olympus at one point. But he had a secret plan. It was predicted earlier that when the planets align, the cages will open and someone will free the Titans and wreak havoc on Olympus. Hades had seen this and decided to take advantage of it in an effort to seize the throne.
Puppy: But Hades had one problem, little old Herc was in the way of this. It was also said that Hercules would stop him. After hearing this, Hades sent demonic soldiers, Pain and Panic, to kidnap the boy, force-feed him a potion and murder the baby.
Kitty: Child abduction? MURDER! That’s my kind of movie.
Puppy: what the f-
Kitty: What? I can have a life outside of analyzation.
Puppy: Moving on once more, the demons, Pain and Panic had kidnapped Herc and force fed him some potion that would turn him into a mortal but they were seen by an elderly couple who found the near-mortal child and adopted him.
Kitty: They took this superpowered infant and gave him some yard work! That’s right, he had to clean stables, move hay bales and other grueling things. But in the end, none of that mattered because his “parents” loved him.
Puppy: The boy grew up and became a teenage pillar of strength set on helping people. Of course, Hades thought he was dead. That is, until Pain and Panic spilled the beans and told Hades that Hercules was alive. Hades was obviously angered at this.
Kitty: So he sent a hydra and a woman named Meg to defeat him. One with strength and one with love. Guess which one was which?
Puppy: Meg had soon been able to seduce Hercules and Hades could enact his master plan. He later made a deal with Hercules when the time came to release the titans. He would spare Meg's life in return for the demigod's strength.
Kitty: And then, the titans broke free and threw fire and other stuff through the streets o' Olympus! But something happened to change the tides. Meg was crushed by a pillar and killed.
Puppy: Since the deal was that Hercules would remain to be mortal as long as Meg was living, Hercules had his strength returned and he fought the titans.
Kitty: Herc was soon able to defeat those dumbass element people and regain both his girl and the god physique. But he gave those up to live with the double-crossing, traitorous, backstabbing Meg! WHY???
Puppy: It's a Disney movie, Kitty. Now, let’s go over abilities.
Kitty: Hades can summon objects into his hands and he can manipulate fire! Pew pew pew!
Puppy: He also has some minor reality manipulation, as shown when he drains Hercules of his strength. He can also use telekinesis.
Kitty: He can also go anywhere via teleportation!
Puppy: Being a Greek god, he is also immortal. Now, let’s move onto feats.
Kitty: He’s bathed in lava and has been put in temperatures so cold that they are solider than Solid Snake and came out unscathed.
Puppy: He also dethroned Zeus and took over Olympus, the home of the gods!
Kitty: His fire attacks have been able to burn down forests!
Puppy: He also tanked hits from Hercules, whom could throw Titans into the stratosphere.
Kitty: FLAW TIME!
Puppy: His anger makes his attacks less precise and makes it harder to hit opponents. He also lost to Hercules and Sora.
Kitty: But who cares about that when you're a god?
Puppy: Well, let's see if this god can beat his opponent, The Devil.
The Devil[]
Puppy: Inkwell Hell. The serious stereotype of the afterlife. You’ve got mourning and weeping souls everywhere. Though, there happens to be a casino in the afterlife.
Kitty: This casino is run by the dastardly villain, stereotypical cartoon devil! Spooky!
Puppy: Two brothers, Cuphead and Mugman, were rolling their dies and gambling. They were doing pretty well, that is, until the dice slowly turned and quickly… snake eyes.
Kitty: The Devil went “Well I’m gonna be a sore winner and force children to murder people in cold blood to gain freedom!” Darn, I hate when that happens.
Puppy: They had to destroy a load of cutesy cartoon characters. The Root Pack, Goopy Le Grande, Hilda Berg, Cagney Carnation, Ribby and Croaks, Baroness Von Bon Bon, Beppi the Clown, Djimmi the Great, Grim Matchstick, Wally Warbles, Rumor Honeybottoms, Captain Brineybeard, Sally Stageplay, Werner Werman, Dr. Kahl’s Robot, Cala Maria, The Phantom Express and King Dice.
Kitty: And with these souls, they barged into the Devil’s throne room and said, “Give is our souls and we’ll give you these souls!” But the Devil gave them a choice. Either hand him the souls and join his devilish army, or face the Devil in some good ol’ hand-to-hand.
Puppy: If you decide to go with the canon ending, you’ll have to fight against the Devil’s wacky, mixed-up arsenal of death and doom.
Kitty: He shoots bouncy balls, fireballs and can slam your dumbass cup face into the floor with that good ol’ trident of his!
Puppy: He also has the ability of shapeshifting. He can transform his head into the cranium of a goat and throws his arms across the battlefield, equipped with deadly hooves.
Kitty: He can also tear off his own head and his noggin has limbs shoot straight out to resemble a spider. This spider then tries countless times to beat it’s foe’s ass! Next!
Puppy: He also has his serpentine, dragon form that snaps it’s jaws at the foe. Next!
Kitty: And then, his final, super, mighty Morphin’ Time, eldritch, Dragon Ball Z super form where he tears off his friggin’ skin and grows to a size that’s bigger than Puppy’s ego!
Puppy: Shut up. Anyways, this form grabs you and forces you to fight him in the literal fires of hell. And if you somehow manage to kick this form’s ass, then you get the canon ending. Now, it’s time to move on to feats.
Kitty: His tears can harm opponents and he can also escape his own skin like a halloween costume!
Puppy: He could manipulate Cuphead and Mugman into playing his game, as well as having such a horrible reputation that everyone fears him.
Kitty: But, of course, he’s not unbeatable. In fact, he was beaten by two boys with nearly no combat experience! He’s also a sore loser, but I’m not sure if that affects how he does in battle. Anyways, now that both characters are analyzed, let’s find out who will prevail!
Pre-Fight[]
(Location: A Museum)
A cold yet soothing voice filled the museum. It was the voice of none other than the narrator.
"Long ago, in Ancient Greece, there lived no hero mightier than the mighty Hercules."
Suddenly, the narrator was interrupted by another voice. The focus shifted to a vase with 5 women clad in togas. The figures started moving. These figures were the Muses.
The rather plump one, known as Thalia, began to speak. "Narrator, baby, we've got ya! Hit it, girls!" After this command, the women started to sing.
"Long ago, in Ancient Greece, there lived a boy named Herc! He was the son of Zeus, but he was stuck doing yard work. And then he learned his family tree and he went berserk! But there was this little jerk, in the underworld he would lurk. Let's go see what Hades is doing!" The Muses then stopped dancing and singing and froze back into their places on the vase.
(New Location: The Underworld)
Hades, the god of death, was sitting in his palace.
"GAH!"
The god quickly threw everything he had residing on his desk to the floor. "I CAN'T DO IT!" He screamed, with scorching flames climbing up his shoulders. Pain and Panic, his imbecilic minions, rushed up to the now angered Hades and delivered a message.
"Uh, boss, there's somebody waiting at your door." Whispered the shivering Panic. "WHO IS IT!" Yelled Hades in return. Suddenly, the door burst open and a tall, dastardly looking fellow with black fur in horns slowly walked in.
"Wha- who is this?" Asked Hades in confusion. "We don't know, that's the thing!" whispered the also scared Pain. Having heard the whispers, the strange figure turned around. "I am the Devil, the ruler of the underworld." Said the figure in a jazzy voice. Hades turned around and retorted, "Well, I don't care. I'm trying to find out how to release some titans, bada-bing bada-bing, and take over Olympus and I can't have some long-armed wannabe schlemiel messing with my plans. Now, scram."
The Devil, who was surveying the god of death's furniture choices, turned around and called a trident to his hand. "I think that you should be the one who's leaving." replied the overseer of hell in a cocky voice.
Fight![]
Hades began the fight by promptly raising his hands in the air and a swarm of fireballs were conjured. The Devil, with a spin of his trident, summoned his own batch of fireballs as well. Both attacks collided, until the god of death’s fireballs overcame the Devil’s and darted towards the cartoony demon. The Devil’s eyes narrowed at the sight of this, and he jabbed the lead fireball with his trident, and somehow, all of them burst and disappeared.
“That’s quite impressive for a rubbery bozo. But I’ve got the whole chimichanga!” Yelled Hades in a booming voice as he unleashed more fireballs from the palms of his hands. The Devil, as if he wasn’t intimidated, had his wide grin remain on his face, and he transformed his head into that of a goat, and rushed straight into the projectiles. The horns swiftly tore through the fireballs and pinned the god of death into the wall. The impact of the horns had also left large cracks on the walls. “My palace! You’ll pay for this, scumbag!” Screamed Hades as the flames on his heads turned red for a quick moment.
Hades teleported onto the head of the Devil goat and wrapped his fingers around one of his hairs. With a hard tug, Hades turned the goat back into the Devil and sent the casino demon tumbling into a pile of papers. The Devil swiftly recovered and began to speak. “Hrm… it seems that you have a bit of skill as well.” The Devil then spun his trident around once more, and summoned more fireballs. This time, they hit Hades and sent him spiraling before rolling to the ground.
Hades would let out a sigh, and rose moments after. “I’m about to rearrange the cosmos, and I can’t have some pathetic wimp lousin’ it up, so scram! This is your last warning!” The Devil, still smirking, replied. “I’m the Devil, you can’t tell me what to do.”
Hades used his telekinesis on a nearby pillar and launched it towards the Devil. The cartoony demon, however, was prepared and thrust his trident into the pillar and sliced it in half. Unbeknownst to the Devil, however, the pillar was followed up by a fireball which had hit the casino owner and generated a cloud of dust under his feet. “Boom.” Hades hoisted his fingers, in a firearm-like position and blew on them, generating dust. “Well, back to work.”
Suddenly, with a devilish growl, the Devil leaped from the dust, with his grin washed off of his face. The demon wrapped his fingers around the bottom of his head and plucked it off. “What, are ya tryin’ to make this easier than it already is?” Suddenly, large, ebony spider legs tore from the bottom of the head and the Devil’s now headless body chucked it to the floor. “I’m actually trying to do the contrary.” The Devil’s head chuckled as it ran towards Hades. Hades saw this and chuckled as well. “A spider?” Hades stomped his foot down on the head, squishing it in a cartoony manner. Abruptly, the headless, yet still mobile body of the Devil pointed his trident at the god of death and a cluttered mess of bouncy balls and fire balls shot from the tip and bolted towards Hades.
The god of death was hit by this jumble of balls and thrown into the outskirts of the palace. The force of his collision caused the walls to tumble and create a large mess of debris. “My- my underworld!” Hades looked around at this mess in utter fear, before having large red flames climb up his shoulders. “Alright, nut, I’m done monkeyin’ around! You’re done!” Flames crackled in his palms as he grit his teeth. The same smirk from earlier had regained it’s spot on the Devil’s face as he surveyed his angered opponent. “You ought to come with me, we’ll have a hell of a time!” Hades’ flames subsided. “Oh, so that’s what you’re here for? Gonna recruit me for some gang or somethin’?” The Devil plants his trident into the ground and looks at the god of death. “Not exactly. I just need your soul.” Hades facepalms. “Are you seriously that brain dead? I’m immortal, you can’t snatch my soul!” Hades’ palms fill up with more flames as the Devil reaches for his trident once more.
Hades sends a barrage of more fireballs towards the Devil, but he manages to narrowly dodge them and retaliate with a blow from his trident. Hades threw himself to the side to dodge the attack and elbows the demon into the rubble that was formerly the god of death’s palace.
Almost immediately, a large serpent emerges from the rubble and rams into Hades, throwing him around the former palace. Once the god of death lands on the other side of the rubble, the serpentine proceeds to continue this. After the fifth attack, the serpentine zipped into the air, Hades still pinned to the head, and rushed downward, in an attempt to pound him into the turf. Before the collector of souls could succeed, Hades reached for the serpent’s horn and hoisted himself forward. He then jumped off and left the serpent to smash it’s own face into the pavement. Inevitably, the Devil crashed into the ground and created a gargantuan explosion, incinerating even more of whatever the heck was left of the palace. “OH COME ON!” Yelled Hades as he was descending.
Once he had landed, the god of death started shaking violently. In fact- the entire underworld was shaking violently! Hades stared at the floor and noticed that it was cracking. “Oh poop.” The god of death was immediately launched sky-high by a giant, black paw. He looked around, and saw another paw. Eventually, he had began to comprehend what had just happened and cranked his head around slowly. There, big, beady, bloodshot eyes staring directly at him. Hades could merely watch in intimidation as his foe’s lips slowly moved to form words.
“Die.”
Flaming poker chips, fireballs and crystal balls quickly began to rain from the sky. The panicked god swiftly created a shield of fire above his head, only for the projectiles to tumble through and ricochet all over the Devil’s hands and hit Hades in practically every part of his body. While Hades was flailing all over the palms of the casino owner, the Devil somehow conjoined his eyes, and suddenly, a spinning axe with a light blue aura appeared and began approaching Hades.
The god of death stood back up, and to his surprise, was immediately met with an axe near his face. Hades was able to scoot his head aside quickly to dodge it, and a nearby building was bisected by the axe’s force. The building proceeded to collapse where Pain and Panic were sitting. “Gah!” Panic halted as he saw the collapsing structure, but Pain was able to force himself forward and push Panic out of the way, ensuring that they were both safe and sound. More axes quickly zipped past Hades’ head and darted towards the other demonic buildings, causing them to capsize as well.
Hades eventually grabbed one of the many axes headed towards him whilst it was spinning and hurled it towards the Devil’s eye. It successfully impaled the casino owner’s right eye and the Devil immediately burst into tears and shrank back to his original size. “Stop crying and end this!” At this, the Devil was quick to force back his tears, and spun himself up into the air with his strong legs, launching himself straight at Hades.
Before the devil could collide with him, Hades changed his course to the side and returned to the ground, and created a giant circle of fire between him and the Devil. The Devil bounced in the direction of the fire, in an attempt to hit the god with his trident, but failed and instead, got knocked backwards and collided with the surrounding buildings, which instantly collapsed.
Hades covered his face in the burst of burning heat, but once it had subsided, another cluttered mess of fireballs emerged from the dust. Hades countered the fireballs with his own fire and teleported to where the Devil was launching the fireballs. “Boo.” Said the god of death in a now calm voice as he blasted the Devil away with a huge flare. The casino owner landed near a steep river with a green aura and mourning souls reaching out of it. Hades slowly approached him.
The Devil could do no more but watch as the god of death moved to his location, with a smirk and the casino owner’s trident clutched in his hands. “Sp-spare me! I’m the Devil! I’ll make you a deal!” Hades’ smile only grew wider as he prepared the trident for the final strike. “I’m done with the deals, bub.” Hades said as he slammed the trident on the ground, causing part of it to crumble and send the Devil descending into the abyss. He lands in the river and is dragged in to his immortal judgement by lost souls.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo!”
Hades proceeds to throw the trident in the river and walk away.
“Time to get rid of Wonder Boy.”
KO!
Ending Screen A: Hades is seen talking with the Sisters of Fate about ways to get rid of Hercules.
Ending Screen B: The Devil’s soul is drifting among the other souls in the river, along with his trident, which has also been submerged.
Results[]
Kitty: Wait a second… a collector of souls’ soul can be collected? Is the Devil now the collected collector of souls?
Puppy: At first glance, this may have seemed really close, but overall, Hades simply held many more advantages over his opponent.
Kitty: Though Hades had less of a versatile arsenal than his opponent, nothing the Devil had could come close to puttin’ him down for good! The Devil’s got flames, well that doesn’t hurt Hades! His trident, his transformations, they couldn’t take Hades down because he’s survived far worse things, such as tanking hits from Hercules, who could throw a titan into the atmosphere!
Puppy: Whilst the Devil could possibly impale him with his trident or overthrow him with his multiple projectiles, he only had one option that could actually take the god of death down. That being his giant form.
Kitty: He could possibly crush him with it, or slice him in half with his axes, but despite those options, he still would have lots of trouble doing that.
Puppy: Hades also scales to the gods of Olympus, who could create constellations! And yet, the Devil’s speed couldn’t catch up to Hades’ either.
Kitty: Hades could even just teleport behind him and kill him in seconds!
Puppy: The Devil was certainly a tricky opponent, but Hades’ superior, well, everything, had him outclassed in the end.
Kitty: The Devil greeked out and couldn’t take the heat.
Puppy: The winner is Hades.
Next Time[]
"Even when they band together, the weak are nothing before true power."
"Your world is burning. And when it is ashes, you will beg for vengeance!"
Rage.
Track Cover[]
Made by Frenchhoaxwide
Trivia[]
Hades vs The Devil is an upcoming What-If? DEATH BATTLE! written by TheFrostKnight. It features Hades from Hercules and The Devil from Cuphead.
| Fiery, soul-stealing rulers of the Underworld | |
|---|---|
| Season | ??? |
| Season Episode | ??? |
| Release date | ??? |
| Written by | TheFrostKnight |
| Episode guide | |
| Previous ??? |
Next ??? |
Introduction[]
It's Great to be The Devil in DEATH BATTLE![]
Hades[]
DEATH BATTLE![]
Analysis[]
Thumbnail by u/Charming-Bet-4135
Hades Vs The Devil is a fanmade Death Battle episode by TherealHyperA2 as Season 1 Episode 2.
Description[]
Hercules Vs Cuphead! These two comedic versions of death itself collide as all hell breaks loose! But who will win?
Introduction[]
Wiz: Hades, the god of the underworld!
Boomstick: And The Devil, the conveniently named collector of souls!
Wiz: Some of the greatest stories ever told are the ones told in mythology or religion.
Boomstick: And what would these stories be without a villain! Except these two are a lot more comedic and easily angered than you might expect! He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle!
Hades sends Death Battle to Styx![]
Wiz: Back in Ancient Greece, there were many stories of gods and monsters! The gods ruled over the world, especially Zeus, they’re king.
Boomstick: But his brother Hades got the short end of the stick. He was assigned to rule the underworld. As opposed to the other gods partying in Olympus, the underworld was cold, dark, and well…full of dead people!
Wiz: Hades grew bitter from this, and his heart became as cold as a being who’s head is on fire can get.
Boomstick: But he had a plan to shake things up! When the stars aligned, the four ancient Titans sealed away by Zeus eons ago would be free, and Hades would use them to take over Olympus! However, there was one teeny tiny but ever so crucial detail…
Wiz: Can you stop jamming references into every line of dialogue?
Boomstick: No. It’s my civic duty.
Wiz: Whatever. Anyway, there was a prophecy that if Zeus’s baby boy Hercules were ever to grow up and fight Hades, then his plan would fall.
Boomstick: No big deal, Hades just sent his least competent shapeshifting minions, Pain and Panic, to kidnap the baby instead of doing it himself for some reason. Hey wait a minute isn’t the baby immortal?
Wiz: Well, yes, but Hades has a potion that can turn them mortal if they drink every last drop.
Boomstick: Pain and Panic were making Hercules drink the potion, but he was rescued by farmers before he could drink the last drop, letting him keep his godlike strength while still being mortal. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite him.
Wiz: So let’s talk about Hades himself. His main ability in combat is his ability to create and attack with fire, blue or red.
Boomstick: Said pyromancy is amplified when Hades gets angry, which happens a lot considering he causes massive fiery explosions at minor inconveniences.
Wiz: Hades’ body seems to be constructed of a grey mist that he can control to extend his limbs, teleport, very mild shapeshifting, and even creating small objects or binding people!
Boomstick: When it comes to physical power, Hades should be considered equal or at least comparable to Zeus, who was able to move the stars into constellations!
Wiz: Of course, Hades isn’t really known for fighting himself, as he prefers to let his vast array of demons and monsters to do his dirty work for him.
Boomstick: Like giant lions, giant scorpions, pretty much anything in jumbo size, various other mythological creatures, a Cerberus, and even a Hydra with regenerating heads!
Wiz: Hades is a great manipulator and can convince people to make deals and sell their souls, like he did with Hercules’ love interest, Meg.
Boomstick: Speaking of the wonder boy, he went from zero to hero with the help of Danny Devito. Enraged by this, Hades sent monster after monster to try and take him down, but that only made Hercules a celebrity because his godlike strength beat them all.
Wiz: When the time comes for the titans (who we will be giving to Hades for the fight) to awaken, Hades uses them to attack and finally take over Olympus!
Boomstick: But Hades was beaten by Hercules who had the power of love on his side, somehow making him immortal and letting him survive the River Styx where the deceased stay.
Wiz: And thus, his very attempts to defeat Hercules brought him closer to his own downfall, as he was tossed in the river. But even still, as long as there is death, there is Hades. And we’ll all meet him in the end.
Boomstick: And that’s the gospel truth!
Hades: Love to, babe. But unlike you gods lounging around up here, I regrettably have a full time gig that you oh so graciously bestowed upon me, Zeus. So I can’t. Love to, but can’t.
Death Battle deals with The Devil![]
Wiz: Death. The ending point of our very existence. Due to being such a feared part of life, naturally it has many depictions in media!
Boomstick: A lot of the time it is personified in a single character, and who better to represent this than the Big D himself!
Wiz: For this battle we are specifically using The Devil from Cuphead!
Boomstick: He’s the collector of souls, finding ways to steal souls from the innocent as well as just being kind of a jerk!
Wiz: However, when two brothers entered his casino, a rivalry was formed. The impulsive young Cuphead was on a hot streak, and the Devil saw this as an opportunity.
Boomstick: He offered Cuphead riches beyond his wildest dreams but only if he rolled high. Other wise he’d take his soul. Personally I don’t think there could be a more blatantly bad idea if it spat in my face!
Wiz: But Cuphead took the offer and paid the price. He rolled snake eyes! But The Devil was feeling merciful, and he had some contracts that needed collecting, so he sent Cuphead and his anxious brother Mugman to fetch them.
Boomstick: Ah yes because letting your enemies live worked so well for Hades. Yeah the brothers were fully planning to fight the Devil after they collected the contracts.
Wiz: But of course, that would be very difficult as The Devil is one hell of a worthy foe.
Boomstick: He’s a skilled shapeshifter, being able to turn into snakes, spiders, and other things!
Wiz: But most of his best abilities come from his golden pitchfork! He can use it to create firey attacks, fly, teleport, summon minions, and can be thrown and returned.
Boomstick: Speaking of his minions, he’s got a lot of those ranging from small cannon fodder and his incompetent right hand man Minion to giant monsters that can turn similar monsters to ash!
Wiz: He also has four mighty demonic horsemen who have the ability to literally freeze people in terror!
Boomstick: Although he does have a tendency to accidentally kill his own minions with his own rage. Although I’d chalk that down to his incredible power.
Wiz: He’d have to be strong since he’s superior to Cuphead, who was able to pull the moon with a lasso! There’s also the fact that he can survive without his skin.
Boomstick: I don’t know if I’d be so quick to call him superior to Cuphead, since he did lose to him even though he could grow to the size of a mountain!
Wiz: Thats because of the Devils various weaknesses. While not stupid, The Devil can be arrogant, petty, and easily angered.
Boomstick: Also a lot of his attacks are easily telegraphed or leave him wide open.
Wiz: At the end of the day, these weaknesses were enough to make him lose to Cuphead, freeing the Inkwell Isle of his terror.
Boomstick: Wait if the Devil doesn’t take the dead’s souls because he got the shit beat out of him, then what happens to people souls when they die now? Are they immortal? What about the ones he already had, are they just in limbo?
Wiz: It’s best not to think about it. And it’s also best not to deal with the Devil, unless you want to have one hell of a time!
The Devil: You broke our deal…now it’s my turn to break you!
FIGHT![]
Location: The Devils Casino
The inside of the Devils Casino is as lively as usual. Skeletons and demons gambling, souls flowing through the pipes, a fun time for everyone!
However, there was an unusual visitor. A grey being of smoke with blue fire on his head: Hades! He had a cigar in his mouth and was gambling with a few skeletons.
Hades: Read em and weep, fellas! Looks like I’m on a hot streak!
He pointed to the fire on his head and chuckled.
Hades: Eh? Nothing? Come on, liven up, have a little humor in your humerus!
He elbowed a skeleton causing it to fall apart on the spot. This moment of levity ended when The Devil appeared in front of the table in a fire blaze.
Devil: You seem to be on quite the streak.
Hades: You know it! You’re the owner of this shindig, right? You are just the man I wanted to see. I have been in the underworld collecting souls since OLYMPIC TIMES and it so appears that you have been collecting souls as well aka stealing my job!
When he said this, he briefly got so angry the cigar in his mouth disintegrated into ash before he calmed himself down.
Hades: Not only that but you’ve built your little casino over a certain property where a few of my friends are…well locked away for all eternity! Don’t get me wrong, love this place, but it’s gotta go babe!
Devil: Why do you think you can tell me what to do? I’m The Devil! THE Devil! I have been collecting souls for a MILLENNIUM!!!
Both were pretty angry at this point, the heat of the room suddenly skyrocketing. The Devil cocked his pitchfork like a shotgun.
FIGHT!
The Devil shot out a fireball, which Hades countered with one of his own. Devil created a few purple minions by tapping his pitchfork against the floor.
The Olympic god responded by creating minions of his own out of smoke, Skeltons with stone swords, which charged at the small army. After a brief scuffle, both armies were dead.
Devil: Ugh! This is getting annoying…
As he said this, his right hand Minion, a short fat demon with small wings, walked into the room.
Minion: Uhhhhh did I walk into something, boss?
Devil: MINION! Get him!
Minion: Uh ok. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
He rather pathetically but very enthusiastically charged forward, nearly tripping over themselves.
Hades: Oh you gotta be kidding me, would you get a load of this piece of work? Pain! Panic!
His minions appeared next to him.
Pain: Yes, your dubiousness?
Hades: Stop this bozo!
The duo charged, but ended up tripping and falling on top of Minion. They started a small scuffle on the ground, with Panic turning into a snake to make him punch himself and Pain into a scorpion to sting him.
The Devil smacked his forehead, already bored before his sheer rage sent a shockwave that flung them into a wall.
Minion: He gets like this sometimes.
Panic: Ours does too!
Back to the fight, the Devil gave a wide grin as his face grew extra eyes and his head extended spider legs before jumping off his neck and slamming down on Hades. The impact sent small cracks in the floor and turned Hades into mist.
When he reformed, Hades took some time to breathe before immediately being cut off by Devils neck extending as his head grew horns and stretched towards the god at a rapid pace.
Hades managed to grab the bulls horns and managed to hold him off with a struggle, before throwing him over his shoulder and slam him into the ground.
Hades: Booyah! Guess that’s why they call it Olympic strength, huh?
Devil: Oh shut up!
The Devils voice became echoed as he says this, and he flys into the air while covered in red hot flames.
Hades: Oh you’re still going?
The Devil shot a stream of fire at him, which Hades held back with his hands before compressing it into a blue orb which he threw at Devil. He easily dodged this, but it gave him an idea.
He twirled his pitchfork and summoned several slow moving blue orbs that shot at Hades!
Hades blocked and countered the orbs. But while he was distracted, the Devil had teleported behind him and slashed with his pitchfork, slicing the god in half!
Devil: HA! I win!
But the Devil opened his eyes from his celebration to notice the top half of Hades was floating in the air unbothered before the bottom half reformed.
Hades: Is that all you got, hotshot?
Devil: WHAT?!?!
The Devil enveloped himself in a rage induced blaze, sending Hades flying into a wall, actually managing to hurt him. All of the people in the casino fled out, knowing what would happen as he got angrier and angrier.
Devil: I’m THE DEVIL! You’re supposed to be KNEELING!!!!
Hades was getting pissed too, this bozo had the nerve to challenge the god of the underworld?!
Hades was surrounded in blue flames, and they both held out a hand before shooting out massive blasts of flame!
The blasts collided before collapsing in on each other and causing an explosion. The blast throws Hades off enough for The Devil to get an opportunity to transform into a wolf like beast and slam into the god.
He slashes and grapples at him, before turning into a serpent to constrict the lord of the underworld. He was about to clamp his jaws on his head when Hades empowered his fist with fire and slammed it into the demon.
He is sent flying back, only to transform back to normal midair and summoned his pitchfork to his side, firing bullet hell fireballs in a blind fury like Elmer Fudd having a tantrum.
Hades managed to dodge a few of them, but ended up being hit by quite a few. He was sent against a counter. More fireballs came, so he created a large mist that collected them midair and launched them aside.
The fireballs hit several pipes that were flowing with souls, they then smashed open and sent the souls free.
Devil: NO NO NO! That’s not how this is supposed to go!
Out of sheer rage, The Devil caused a huge explosion that enveloped the entire building.
Hades: Phew! And just like that, the stolen souls and worthless building are out of my diesel fueled hair. Pleasure doing business with ya, pal!
In the sky, the planets had nearly alighted. Smoke covered it as Devil grew in rage.
Devil: Send me my FINEST DEMONS!
A giant gate opened out of the mountain behind their battlefield, sending gigantic demons rampaging. Hades grinned as he snapped his fingers, creating a cloud of smoke that formed into large monsters, including a Hydra, giant lions, and dragons.
The Devil regains his cool cocky attitude and lies back onto a black cloud he created while sipping wine.
Devil: You may have gotten my casino, but you seriously don’t think you can handle my underworld army?
Hades: Oh I know a thing or two about the underworld considering that, oh I don’t know-I OWN THE PLACE!
The armies charge, clashing as the dragons fly above and rain fire down. A gigantic beast grabs a small living fuzzball off the ground and squeezes it, making a massive blast of flame that engulfed and incinerated the entirety of the dragons.
Meanwhile, the Hydra was fighting a giant cobra. The cobra rips off its head, only for it to grow two heads in its place. This cycle continues until the Hydra is a tangled mass of heads that rips the other monster apart.
Seeing the even fight, the Devil got a devilish idea. He spun his pitchfork around in the air, turning the clouds around midair and turning them red.
Devil: It’s time for tonight’s forecast! Cloudy, with a chance of HELLFLAME!
Fire began falling from the sky blasting through Hades’ army. He turned with a shocked expression as a huge blast fell towards him, exploding the chair he sat on.
The dust settled, and Hades was on the ground in a massive crater. Black smog and firey rain surrounded the environment as the Devil and his remaining army marched forward.
But Hades wasn’t out of hope. He looked to the sky and saw the planets aligning with a shining light.
Hades: Thats a pretty cool party trick you got going. But I’m not too worried about it. After all, it’s only halftime!
The earth erupts in front of him as four titans made of ice, smoldering lava, rocks, and a tornado respectively. Hades flew above them and laughed.
Hades: ITS SHOWTIME!
The titans sheer size split the clouds. The Devils jaw dropped as they crushed most of his army with mere steps, crushing them like an insect. The tornado sucked some of the larger beasts into itself before launching them at high speeds towards their master.
They smacked him midair and sent him into a mountain. The mountain exploded in fire. Devil used telekinesis to send the rubble flying towards the titans, pelting them a bit.
He flew towards the towering threats like a firey comet. He barely weaved around their massive punches. He smashed into the one made of molten lava, causing its body to squish inward. He then sent a powerful blast of fire to demolish it.
He managed to resist the pull of the tornado, but his pitchfork was sent into it. He jumped into the spiral of wind, grabbing his weapon and created fire that overtook the tornado and shrunk down the flame into his trident.
He sent the blast of concentrated fire into the rock titan. It didn’t leave a scratch, but it caused it to stumble backwards. While the rock titan was distracted, Devil latched onto the ice titan. Steam hissed off of him as his sheer heat caused the Titan to melt into a large puddle.
But before he could do anything else, he was crushed under the rock titans foot. Dark smoke came out from under it before tentacles seeped out, wrapping around the titans leg and ripping it off. The Devil then used his telekinesis to crush the giant monster into a ball.
Hades, who had fallen asleep because he was so confident, awoke when he heard Devil celebrating over the fallen titans. His jaw briefly dropped before he teleported into the battlefield. He tried to keep his cool, but as he walked towards him and talked, he became covered in more and more fire.
Hades: Let me get this straight. I come over here to reclaim some property of mine and protect my job. And in return, you completely destroy the Titans I have been planning around for 18 years…and you…are dancing…OVER THEIR DEAD BODIES?!?!
He lets out a primal scream and creates a huge explosion that sends the Devil flying into the air. He then flys behind him while surrounded in a ball of blue smoke and hits him so hard he flies downward.
The Devils body hits the ground and bounces up again a bit, only for Hades to come crashing into the Earth on top of him. The resulting explosion is so big, so thunderous that it causes the very heavens to shake. The blast completely demolishes the mountain range they were fighting in.
Mountains and forests were eviscerated and the very ground beneath the gods was gone, created a massive canyon that led all the way down to the underworld.
The Devil was unconscious, his fur charred and he was a bit bruised, but mostly unharmed. He woke up and realized he was plummeting. He looked below and saw the ominous green glow of the River Styx.
He held out his hand and his pitchfork appeared in his palm. He began flying again, before speaking an incantation. Streams of blazing fire flew around him before colliding and joining at the top of the trident.
He laughed as a beam of red hot flame, large enough to completely dwarf himself was sent at Hades. The greek god turned just in time to be able to react, sending an equally gargantuan mass of dark blue fire.
The sheer heat from the clash was enough to turn any man to ash in mere moments. The two let out shrieks that can shake that same man to their very core.
The red fire was slowly pushing forward and overtaking the blue. Hades began to struggle, before focusing all his fire into a single point.
The small, especially bright blue flame shot through the Devils inferno, before eventually reaching the pitchfork. After a brief struggle, the weapon shattered like glass.
Devil: NOOOOOOOO!!!
The source of the red flame was now gone. The blue flame blasted into him, sending him rocketing down into the river. He struggled inside of it as hundreds of small green hands grabbed at his skin.
They began ripping it away, part of the Devils face and their left arm being reduced to bones. His screams of pain shot into the air as they tried to drag him down.
But the Devil wasn’t quite finished. Fighting back against the river, he grew in size. Melted bits of flesh hung off of his arm and half his face, his skeleton showing as green liquid slid off of it. As he grew, his voice became more booming, gaining more of an echo.
Devil: Ahahahahaha! You thought that you could kill me? That you could END me? I am the most prevailing force in the universe!
The Devil grabbed Hades in both of his hands, squeezing him like a toy as his eyes gleamed.
Devil: I AM WHERE DEATH GOES TO DIE!
The Devil turned up the heat as he crushed Hades more. Hades barely managed to choke out a word.
Hades: Where death goes to die, huh? Well I happen to be death. And I don’t plan on leaving.
The flames on Hades head became white hot as he began heating up.
The Devils hands began to melt, before Hades bursts his arms out in both directions, freeing himself. Most of The Devils arms were completely melted, his arms being reduced to gooey stubs similar to that of a melted candle.
He roared in pain as he stumbled back. He began to slowly shrink, but out of desperation he opened his massive jaws and tried to bite Hades.
The god simply blocked and placed a finger on Devils forehead, before blasting a massive hole in his face.
What’s left of The Devils rapidly shrinking body lifelessly fell into the river, before being dragging below.
Hades floated down to the ground, taking deep breaths as he calmed down.
K.O!
Results[]
Boomstick: Jesus Christ that was brutal!
Wiz: This was a pretty interesting matchup, although it wasn’t exactly close.
Boomstick: Let’s not cut Devil short! He had a lot of advantages.
Wiz: Well for one, he had way more abilities and was much more of a fighter. That much was clear!
Boomstick: While neither had a lot of concrete speed feats, the Devil should be faster than Cuphead, who can dodge lightning!
Wiz: If stats were equalized, The Devil would probably win. But his speed and variety doesn’t really matter when he can’t really hurt Hades.
Boomstick: Sure the Devil was strong, but he wasn’t making constellations!
Wiz: Not only that, but Hades was more intelligent, while Devil is usually somewhat incompetent or at least childish.
Boomstick: It looks like Devil couldn’t DEAL with Hades!
Wiz: The winner is Hades!
Next Time[]
Block by block and bit by bit, the internet is a strange place!
My first ever 4v4!
👾 Vs 🗡️
Introduction[]
Wiz: Hades, Lord of the dead.
Boomstick: And The Devil, the soul stealing ruler of Hell.
Wiz: These two are iconic rulers of the underworld from ancient text.
Boomstick: And these two certainly stray from the source. He’s wiz and I’m Boomstick!
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to figure out who would win a death battle!
Hades[]
Wiz: It is said that when Zeus and his siblings overthrew their Titan father Kronos - the spoils were split up evenly between all seven of them with the three brothers getting the most significant titles. Zeus was gifted the skies, Posideon the sea (and horses), and Hades… got the underworld.
Boomstick: Even my ass, while Zeus got to rule atop mount Olympus - an awesome fucking castle in the sky - his brother Hades got bitched down to rule the groggy underworld, covered in darkness, despair and human souls. No wonder he became such an asshole and wanted to overthrow the Greek pantheon.
Wiz: Well, in actual mythology, the real Hades was relatively fine with his position. He was just lonely, but even then he just got a wife… via kidnapping but she seemed cool with it, and of all the greek gods - he was genuinely faithful to her! Something no other can say, except maybe for Ares… who is another surprising example.
Boomstick: Essentially, this version of Hades is just a massive bitch for no reason. A literal hot head with way too much ambition and ego that should sought to enslave all of the other gods. I get that in-laws can be annoying to talk to, but they invite you to all their parties and wine tastings! Be grateful. Especially when you have so many cool powers and abilities!
Wiz: Indeed. Hades is anything if not versatile. As you can probably guess from his visage, he can control fire. Shooting it out in small bursts or full flamethrower streams. His flames are so potent, they can even affect souls of the dead.
Boomstick: Not like it matters with all the options he has to mess with a person’s physical form - from putting them to sleep, to aging them up until their dust.
Wiz: That’s pretty interesting, considering that all mortals lives are tied to strings of fate, and life ends when The Fates - three sisters with one eyeball shared between them - cuts it. So, Hades is essentially controlling their fate.
Boomstick: Eh, who cares! As a god - he’s incapable of having his string cut so why should he care? Mortality is for suckers, HADES LIVES FOREVER!
Wiz: Shown by his abstract form consistently manipulating itself to survive otherwise deadly blows. But forget eternal life, hades can outright create it - having made several different monsters of several different sizes.
Boomstick: None being as good as his beautiful best boy Cerberus. A monster he doesn’t need mind control to make obey. No, he only uses that for truly dumb animals like humans.
Wiz: That’s just the tip of the iceberg - anything Hades’s mind comes to, it can do. He’s moved things with his mind, used it to the read the future and even alter people’s perception of reality.
Boomstick: Too bad he can’t actually change reality, not unless he has his hands on a Golden Fleece, but he’s versatile enough to make that not matter!
Wiz: But it wasn’t enough for Hades, his envy grew so much that even the newly born baby of Zeus and Hera - Hercules caught his jelousy. Seeing the boy’s foretold strength as nothing but a future rock in his path - he enlisted his two minions, Pain and Panic, to take the boy’s godly energy from him. Turning him human.
Boomstick: Now, while Hades can normally sap people’s power away via bargains, babies can’t sign contracts! So he used a vile of purple elixir that would completely take all one’s abilities when fully consumed.
Wiz: Unfortunately… welll, actually very fortunately - the babies power drain was undone by the arrival of a kindly elderly couple as he was at ninety nine percent of the elixir doen.
Boomstick: Leaving him just enough strength to destroy pillars, strangle snakes and star in the only good superman movie until James Gunn.
Wiz: But as Hercules was raised a hero, Hades plotted as a villain. Gathering armies of monsters from the Horrific Hydra to Monstrous Medusa to… Megara. A human woman. Good for a nice chit chat.
Boomstick: That’s all she was until Hercules started going full hero, conquering monster after monster and leaving just Meg to worm her way into his heart… until he wormed his way into hers.
Wiz: Naturally, this posed a teensie weensie but ever so crucial issue for Hades to solve, until he turned it into a teensie weensie but ever so crucial advantage. Manipulating his love for her and rendering him completely powerless.
Boomstick: With, Herc out of his way - no one was stopping him from freeing The Titans from their imprisonment in Tartarus. The Mountain King, a two headed beast of Rock.
Wiz: The Lurker, A skeleton like monster made from sub zero ice. The Lord of Flame is a gelatinous blob of compete lava, say for the rock made head.
Boomstick: And The Mystic Voice, a living breathing tornado who’s winds shook mount olympus to its foundations. There was also a cyclops. He’s not important.
Wiz: Together they matched the power of Zeus, someone that could move dozens of celestial bodies with just a wave of his hands. A stunt like that would require up to four hundred and twenty two octilllion petatons of that.
Boomstick: And that’s him at his causal. At their peak, titans like Atlas and Gods like Hercules can lift the sky! That’s equivalent to an entire universe! And the titans just powered through him and all equivalent gods on Olympus! None of them could escape him! And these are gods capable of throwing monsters out of space at speeds of over three BILLION TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
Wiz: It was all in the palm of his hand, until he found himself up against something he couldn’t understand. The heart of a hero. Hercules.
Boomstick: He grabbed the titans and in one mighty swing, threw those motherfuckers into the next solar system over. Really making his Jor-El proud over here. But there was still one final labour to accomplish. One of love.
Wiz: He had cast Megara’s soul in to the river Styx, where it would dwell for all eternity unless Hercules made the choice to take her place. Dwelling in eternal torment in a place very gloomy and full of dead people.
Boomstick: Too bad he didn’t expect Herc to go all Naruto on his ass! With the heart of a hero, he tossed his ass like the trash he is into his own river.
Wiz: But even a bathe in the river Styx could not extinguish this hothead. While Hercules and Meg stand side by side on mount Olympus, Hades will always be prepared with another devilish scheme. So beware, less Hades makes your life a true, blue Greek tragedy.
Hades: Aren’t we forgetting a teenie weenie but ever so crucial detail? I OWN YOU!
The Devil[]
Wiz: He takes many names. The Deceiver, Satan, Lucifer. He takes many forms. Serpent, Lion, Goat. But make no mistake - The Devil is a demon.
Boomstick: A being of pure malice and malevolence. Of unquestionable evil, and sometimes, by some interpretation… he’s just a cranky asshole.
Wiz: Come with us to the ink well isle. Just off the coast, give or take about twenty nine miles. Where there’s good and bad, ice cream and rockets - and all sorts of weird and, frankly bizzare characters.
Boomstick: We got three headed dragons, Plane women, Evil stage directors, queens made of candy, chefs that are Saltbakers - folks, we’ve got it all!
Wiz: But everyone owes as debt to someone, and may god help your soul if yours is to The Devil.
Boomstick: Trading in the typical red skin for black fur, and rocking the same stylish horns… that’s the devil alright:
Wiz: While no origin is known for this specific version of the biblical boss, and we can probably interpret he didn’t fall from heaven like most did,We know his intentions to be more then sour.
Boomstick: He takes souls. He offers you a game, you win - you win! Devil wins? Your soul is his. And the house always wins.
Wiz: And this is not someone you want to be on the losing end of. The Devil is an entity that is practically unkillable and can regenerate from all severe damage. He’s capable of twisting his own head off to pilot it, or even having his own skeleton jump out at you.
Boomstick: He’s functionally immortal, and his flexibility puts all yoga greats to shame. He’s capable of stretching his arms so far off screen, he pulls a pac man and hits you from other angles. And there’s no limit to the shapes he can shift into.
Wiz: A bull, A snake, An octopus! All unique forms of fighting various opponents. And he’s capable of giving himself extra arms or flight when in a tough situation. Hell, even his own blood serves as a weapon as he cries it!
Boomstick: But that’s just the standard package Devil! His best stuff is what comes with his personal pitchfork. Solid gold in material, it’s not just good for stabbing or chasing Frankenstein! Though it is good at those.
Wiz: It’s what gives Devil the majority of his powers, capable of shooting fire in small bursts or large streams. Even capable of coating his fur with it, or shooting it out so fast and far in can destroy a city block!
Boomstick: He can move stuff with his mind, summon all sorts of other weapons, summon other enemies to help him and while he can fly in his own power… it’s not as fun as using it to teleport.
Wiz: There is the slightest caveat that without it, he looses the majority of his powers. And it’s been countered by other magic, such as the invisible and invincible fleece that Stickler - Devil’s personal accountant wears to avoid client wrath.
Boomstick: Aw, come on, Wiz! Devil ain’t that abusive of a boss! Look at how he treats Henchman, his… henchman! Like two sinners on the rack together!
Wiz: While Devil’s treatment of henchman is… actually quite good, it shouldn’t be overlooked how he treats others like King Dice, his supposed second in command. Or the several people whose souls he’s taken. Or how he’s, you know, THE DEVIL! FROM THE BIBLE!
Boomstick: Nah, he’s a softie. But even if he wasn’t - he can basically do whatever the hell he wants because who could even challenge him. He’s the strongest character with power described as beyond definition.
Wiz: That would put him on par with Mortimer Freeze, who froze the entire sun! And even the most standard residents can pull with enough might to budge the moon! That feat being done by one Cuphead, and his brother Mug Man.
Boomstick: We know the story, two mischievous little scamps go against their parents orders and find themselves in more trouble then they prepared for.
Wiz: How fortunate for them, that he needed errand boys to collect up on his souls he owns… unfortunately for him, when they waltzed back in with the souls in hand… they burned them up and told him to suck a milk carton.
Boomstick: Oh, I know for a fact he was surely brewing from that burn. He was easily the hardest fight, and far beyond the average ign reviewer’s capabilities, but in the end - the porcelain protagonists sent him packing.
Wiz: For now. For whenever you least expect it, the devil may come to collect his dues. And may you rest with one eye open when he does.
The Devil: I mean! Who doesn’t know twinkle, twinkle, LITTLE, STAAAAAAR!
He roars with rage sending for throughout the underworld and accidentally killing his minions.
Devil: BRING ME MY SECOND FINEST DEMONS!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set and we’ve ran the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: It’s time… for one HELL of a death battle!
Fight![]
In a deep darkness, a god sits upon his throne - the blue flame upon his head being the only source of light. That is until the large doors of his throne rooms entrance are forcefully slammed open.
With yellow horns and black fur, not too dissimilar to a goat, the devil steps forward.
Uncaring, Hades rolls his eyes as he grabs the handle of Cuphead’s… head, off his body. He holds it to his mouth, and with his pinkie tip sprung off from his grasp of its handle, drinking the liquid from within it. The pleading eyes dissipate as he chugs it down, before he finishes - completely consuming him.
He throws the cup’s head over his shoulder non nonchalantly, it sinking like a rock down the river Styx of souls.
“I see you you’ve met my messenger.” The devil comments as he walks ever closer to the throne.
“Mmhm!” Hades nods enthusiastically. “Shot him too.”
“I see! Of course, you realise…” The Devil points his trident and fires a blast that completely annihilates Hades and his throne. “…This means war.”
Hades reforms with a poof of smoke, looks behind him, and looks back at the devil with a frown. “That was my favourite chair.”
Fight!
Beams of light and balls of flame are batted back and forth between the two of them. Hades phased parts of him in and out of a smoke form to evade, while The Devil used his rubber like proportions to weave out of any attack coming his way.
He, with a wicked smile stretched his arm so far to the right it went off the screen…
…and slammed straight down into Hades, crushing him and widening the Devil’s twisted smile even more. That is, until his vision was obscured by two blue hands covering his eyes as they caw out “Guess who.” Before boiling the blood his own hands to scorch the devils face as he holds on tightly, despite the Devil’s best efforts to throw him off as he writhes in Hades’s grip. His jaw snaps open, which causes Hades to gag at the sound, before his skeleton jumps out with a punch that knocks him straight back and off of his head.
He pulls his own skin back over his body, as one would a jumper, before summoning a trident of pure gold with a snap of his fingers. He twirls its pompously before aiming its straight at the god of the underworld - who was grabbing at his head from the discombobulation.
The Devil grins as he telepathically grips Hades and begins tossing him from side to side, smashing him into each gloomy cave wall. Hades makes a majority of moans and funny noises before sticking out his index finger and taking hold… of his trident.
He slams the devil back and forth, who in response smacks Hades back and forth - leading to a loop of eachother smashing and cratering innocent cave walls. Both let out a roar of frustration, the tip of Hades’s index ignites as Devil’s trident’s top cackles with electricity.
They fire, elemental attacks cutting through each other’s and slamming into the opposition, causing them to combust midair and sending shockwaves through the underworlds infinity.
Smoke fills the area, and from that smoke, Hades takes form while clutching his now unlit head. “Geez, this biblical types really know how to give you a crick in the wrists.” He mumbles as his palm inflames his scalp again.
Just as soon as he does, a large cackle emits through the yells as he turns his head to see a giant glowing yellow eye dwarf his entire body. Now enlarged, Hades stands with his jaw agape as Hades raises his fist high…
…AND SLAMS IT DOWN!
The Devil’s grin quickly fades as he feels pressure fighting against his arm. Despite his colossal size and effort - he’s thrown off of his feet, stomping back as hordes of fearsome beasts break out. From hideous hogs to ferocious furies and mighty Minotaurs. Though they only measure up to his shin in size, the might coterie of colossal’s batter the poor demon back and forth, even knocking him onto his back. His bones dislocate themself as he stretches into serpentine apparel - roaring out as he slammed down into the beats.
As this happens, Hades huddles behind a rock with his two favourite (remaining) henchmen - Pain and Panik. “Tweedle Dumb and the other one. Little riddle. How do you kill a devil?”
“With a big rock!” Pain yells out with a second though. If a look could kill, Hades would be careful not to - so he could bludgeon Pain to death with his bare hands. “My entire business is death! And this guys committing fraud - I mean doesn’t he know the rules! Doesn’t he have a weakness! I mean, he’s gotta have a weakness. Everybody had a weakness! Show your heel, your flea ridden show-goat!” Hades bellows as he hides.
The flame upon his head seems to burn a little brighter as inspiration finds him. “Pain! I’m a need you to brew me that immortal immobiliser stew again! Panik! Find the titans, unleash them at any cost!”
“B-But sir… they might eat him.” Hades lets out a jolly chuckle, crouching down and pinching Panik’s cheek like a grandma would her grandchild. “If only I was that lucky. Now GO!” He roars, glowing orange for the briefest second. The two dolts raced off, bumping into eachother as they ran, while Hades turned back to the colossal demon. “Alright, pal. You wanna break new ground?” Hades asks rhetorically as he starts causing cracks within the ground. “Let’s see how you like it when there’s nothing but air to land on!” He barks as it fully snaps open - both beast of his and devil of foe falling down alike.
The Minotaur roars out, confused to its free falling, and lashing out against The Devil. He can’t really be bothered with this, so he smashes it head first into the nearest wall. Its horns thrust within the rocky surface and force him to stay there, while the others careen.
Devil can’t even admire his own handiwork as the gorgon Medusa grabs him by his shoulders and forces him to look in her eyes. His pupils begin to transmutate into rock. His pupils widen. His pupils… enlarge? His pupils shoot back at her, knocking her off of him as he gains a new pair. Just as suddenly, THE giant hog smashes down into him and lands directly at the bottom of hard rock floor.
Devil contorts his body to stand on two legs yet again. He looks at the remainder of his enemies. “A snake. A pig. A bird. What a great time for supper!” Devil yells as he unleashes a stream of fire from his mouth. The creatures barely widen their eyes before they’re consumed by flame.
When it all dims down, instead of charred corpse as you may expect, there’s instead a wooden table topped with perfectly cooked meat. Devil sits at this table, gluttony filling his eyes as he slams his trident through all of it - stacking it greedily like one would a fork.
He opens wide to gannet it down… only for him to chomp into hard rock, courtesy of Hades. “Don’t swallow without chewing, babe.”
Devil roars with anger, priming his trident at Hades - who doesn’t even bother with moving out the way. “Seriously, is that your big weapon?”
Devil’s eyes of pure rage turn to that of widdened shock as a thunderous footstep roars out through the underworld. He peeks his head up to see five massive beast roar down upon him. “Mine are bigger.”
The devils eyes go from shock to determination as he casts a barrier that the titans can only bash against… that being said, bashing against it will pay off in the long run to get in. Devil cocks his head and cries out “HENCHMAN! MY FINEST DEMONS! SUMMON THEM NOW!”
Henchman, who has been here the entire time and you’re a bad person for not noticing him, doesn’t meet eyes with his boss as he stands ashamed. “S-Sorry boss, you kind of… killed them all-“
“MY SECOND BEST, THEN!”
“…You killed them too-“
“WHOEVER’S LEFT!” Devil lets out with an anguished whelp, as cracks start to spread across his barrier. He falls to one knee as his golden trident’s power yields.
It gives way, all five beasts charge forward ready to smite him.
Until a crackle of thunder echoes, and a horde of massive monsters of various vile visage stand. The Devil growls, pushing himself to both feet as his brow furrows in rage. “Grind their bones to dust! Knaw their souls to nothing! But most importantly, find me that fake and worthless god and expunge his soul! His very ESSENCE! Bring me his HEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAD!” Devil finishes with a mighty roar, accompanied by a roaring flame… a flame that leaves all of his minions as complete ash.
Hades gives him an only slightly, sort of, maybe sarcastic round of applause. “Great going, pal.”
“Minion!” The devil roars as The Lurker lifts its foot up high and ready to stomp down upon him. “B-bring me my… other… other most fearful demons!” He asks, drenched of all previous pride.
“But boss… those were our last demons, period.” Henchman croaks from behind a rock, hiding with both Pain and Panic.
“Oh.” Is all the devil can say before he’s crushed under foot. Just as suddenly though, the darkness from beneath the skeletal titan’s foot grows to massive mass, personifying as its tendrils shoot out and wrap around the monster’s body.
Now at a size as colossal as his opponents, the devil growled. “I suppose if you want something down right…
you should do it yourself!” He tries to pull the skeletal beast apart but finds a giant rocky hand grab into his flesh and peek him off. He attempts to grapple onto this new target but a smooth stream of lava melts over him, causing him to short circuit and give up that plan of attack as he writhes in pain. Lythos drops him to the ground, kicking the tentacle formed beast away, which Startos capitalises on, increasing the devil’s momentum as he sends him flying into Arges’s hands that smash him into the ground and craters it.
He softly deflates back to his more regular state. He writhes on both knees, as smoke envelopes him. Hades surrounds him in his entirety. “And this is the whelp that would conquer Olympus?” The smoke lights a signature blue flame.
“That’s the place for the big shots. The real deals. For me, not you. No, no. For you…” Hades finally takes form, hands stretched high into the air and channeling a massive blue energy.
“…loser city would be THIS WAY!” He roars as he fires. With an anguished roar of fatigue and fury - devil points forward his weapon and meets him. The two colliding with… Stickler, who appears from nowhere with his finger held high. “Excuse me, but actually and according to the subsection eight of paragraph thirty nine under rule thirty three… spiritual realm civil war is strictly forbidden-“
“SHUUUUUUUUT UP!” They both roar, The Devil’s fur lighting aflame with his rising anger while Hades’s flesh burns bright orange as the energies swirl around the Stickler. “Oh dear.” He comments as the energies explodes in a flash of light.
The titans lay petrified into stone, or stone-ier then before in one of their cases, devastated by the attack. Henchman clutches the two minions behind the most durable rock in all of the underworld as their bosses lie on the ground - exhausted.
They both leap to their feet, anger abundant. Lightning strikes as they charge forward, arms reeled back… before they begin slapping each other’s hands like children, releasing small whines of minor annoyance. But they’re attacks start picking up speed, and power. Devil spine snaps into dragon like form as Hades’s skin grows a brighter and deeper orange. Both roar out, power surging across the surrounding arena.
Hercules stands near a cottage, on one knee listening to elder kettle retail him on his missing boys - before an explosion rages out from the distance, launching several trees into the air.
Back in the underworld, hades lands on his back - before the trident pierces through his chest and straight into the earth behind him, causing a genuine yelp to spam from the god. “You played the game and you lost! Now cough up the COST!” Devil roars as the trident tries to leech away his soul. Hades fades in and out of reality, his physicality stretching out into smoke.
A gas like tendril wiggles its way behind the boulder the minions were shaking behind, and wraps around Pain’s leg.
He drags the short, fat demon as he screams - smacking him across Devil’s head, and forcing him release his grip on the blue ruler’s soul. “Knock it off, you burning brat!” He yells at the god. “I’m taking your soul, fair and square!”
Hades grabs the devils horn and yanks it to the right, using a smoke like appendage to wrap around the trident and push it towards the earth. With a third like appendage, he yanks the vile of immortality removed towards the devil. “Just a drop of this and you’ll be another mortal rotting away in that pool.”
The devil’s eyes widen, his jaws clamping shut as the vile approaches him… until it’s smashed into his eye - causing his grip of the pitchfork to release. “But I’d prefer you to rot a little more permanently!” He yells as he jams the pitchfork through The Devil’s gut twirling it around and forcing the body to wrap around the weapon like a piece of spaghetti would a fork. “Hey, niiiiice little piece you got here… too bad Poseidon would sue if I kept it.”
Like a javelin, he reels his arm back and throws it straight through the river styx. At speeds faster than light, it slams into the bottom of the endless, getting stuck in its floor.
The Devil struggles and squirms, attempting to unravel himself - but he just can’t free himself. His pupils shrink as the souls reach towards him. They cling to him as he screams for them to stay away. They start to pull him within the swirling vortex, as he grips the trident for dear life. With grip loosens, going down from a both hands wrapped around the gold weapon to just one pinkie finger clinging for dear life. But it can’t hold on forever. “A little bathe in the river Styx! Suffering for your soul, but hey! On the bright side…”
The Devil lets out one last cartoonish yelp before he’s pulled from the stuck trident, and his screams join the rest. His fur shedding to reveal wrinkling skin. “…It’s also bad for your skin.” the victorious Lord of Hell quips, as a cigar appears in his mouth with a puff of smoke - lighting with just a tiny ember from his finger. He smokes it all in one while go, breathing out a skull construct made of smoke, before letting a deep dark cackle roar out.
“HADES!” Hercules roars out as he slams the doors open. Hades lets out a very exhausted sigh as he turns to face his golden boy opponent. “Look, pretty boy - it’s been a demanding day as is so can we-“
“Not until you release the mug men!”
“Mug Men- oh.” Hades mutters out, having been preoccupied with their debtor. He stops for a second, hand stroking his chin before shrugging his shoulders. “What the hell, sure.” He twirls his finger, pulling the porcelain protagonist from their punishment and tossing them into Hercules’s ready arms. “You… release them? That’s simply!? What’s your angle!?”
“WHAT!?” Hades gasped with shock that sounded so genuine you could *almost* belive he was being genuine. “You know, we ain’t like your daddy kid. Can’t a god do something good for a mortal without the need of twisted-“
Before he even finished his lie, Hercules both caught and shattered the knife that Hades had telekinetically dragged towards his back - without even looking at it. Hades gritted his teeth into an akward grimace, batting his eyes three times before letting out a sigh. “Whelp, can’t win em all. Don’t let the doors hit you on the way out.” Hades says with a shrug, turning his back to his golden glowing foe. Make no mistake - there was nothing more Hades wanted then skewering his Olympic hide on a spear and tossing it straight into a constellation…
…but sometimes you have to bask in the glory of simpler accomplishments. And one foe vanquished was plenty to celebrate.
K.O!
Conclusion[]
Knockout!
Boomstick: Dead as a doornail, at least he doesn’t have to push a boulder for all eternity.
Wiz: Trying to find the verdict was like trying to beat Devil’s game. Very difficult, so let’s break it down into four categories. Starting with their power.
Boomstick: Gods in the Disney Greek pantheon have done it all in terms of feats. Just look at big bro Zeus. Capable of manipulating constellations with little effort. And Hercules’s arch nemesis has stepped in for Atlas lifting the sky.
Wiz: Which in Hercules’s context - means lifting an entire universe! However, it’s important to make the distinction that Hades cannot match these two in terms of power output. He required the titans, four monsters of mystical might to even incapacitate the god of thunder.
Boomstick: In contrast, devil himself is well adept at dealing with a certain porcelain protagonist who can budge the sun. And he should scale up one mister Mortimer Freeze, who froze the sun entirely! In a one on one of power - Devil deals the killing blow first.
Wiz: Not necessarily when you consider their immortality. Hades is incapable of being killed via normal means, as shown by his string of fate being impossible to cut and the fact he’s able to reform from physical attacks far beyond his pay grade.
Boomstick: However, The Devil similarly struggles staying dead thanks to his impossibly good regeneration. Able to reattach heads, twist his limbs into any shape and just have his scary skeleton pop out for a surprise. Neither could really die, meaning this would come down to elements beyond their big punches.
Wiz: Which is why strategy will play an important role in deciding the verdict. A role Devil simply wasn’t fit to play.
Boomstick: Devil is pretty devious when the situation calls for it, with him capable of pulling all kinds of hoodwinks and scams. But he’s impulsive, quick to anger and… frankly, just dumb as bricks.
Wiz: Compare that to Hades, a master manipulator who’s orchestrated events and outwitted characters like Zeus and Hercules. He was clearly the most intelligent player which would be crucial when utilising their wider versatility.
Boomstick: Both had a similar laundry list of abilities. Both were spouting flames, manipulating souls, shape shifting their body and telekinesis. However - when it came down to it, Hades had more! From intangibility, dimensional travelling and more but most importantly - precognition!
Wiz: A lot of Devil’s power and his bag of tricks are taken from him without his pitchfork. A weakness easily exploited once understood and more then doable with Hades’s own telekensis and shape shifting.
Boomstick: More over, with his greater intelligence - he could easily replicate the necessary means to deal with the devil’s advantages. This includes bringing in the titans to match Devil’s power gap, as they could actually match Zeus, or utilise that same vial to remove the demon’s immortality.
Wiz: That’s the key advantage. Despite his wide range of powers and physical prowess - The Devil ultimately could not kill Hades, while the god of the underworlds matching versatility and cunning allowed him to leave The Devil knocked out.
Boomstick: The Devil was in the details that he’d lose, if only he Haded the warnings.
Wiz: The winner is Hades!