Hades vs Bowser is a Death Battle by Peep4Life!
| Hades vs Bowser | |
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| Season 1, Episode 5 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | November 22, 2018 |
| Written by | Peep4Life |
| Directed by | Peep4Life |
Episode guide
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Description[]
Season 1 Episode 5! Kid Icarus vs Super Mario! The main antagonists from Nintendo realms duke it out in a huge showdown. Will God or King walk away?
Interlude[]
(Cues- Invader- Jim Johnston)
Boomstick: Villains. What would a hero be without one?
Wiz: Sometimes the greatness of the hero, is defined by the evil they slay as is the case with Hades, Lord of the Underworld.
Boomstick: And Bowser, the King of the Koopas. I'm Wiz and he's Boomstick...
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Hades[]
(Cues- Hades' Belly- Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Boomstick: Behold: Hades!
Wiz: The Lord of the Underworld and the true leader of the evil force in Kid Icarus, Hades is literally the Nintendo embodiment of the devil himself. But his nature is fairly unusual given what he is. Rather than intimidate his foes outright, Hades would much rather cause mischief and actively wind up his foes during battles.
Boomstick: Hades lives in the Underworld, not in a castle because that shit is too mainstream these days. No, as Palutena would say:
Palutena: This is HIS realm, so he could be anywhere in this darkness... or everywhere...
Boomstick: If that won't get in your head, you're made of some pretty tough stuff.
Wiz: Only revealing himself after the death of Medusa, Hades sets out on a multi year long quest to eliminate Pit, Palutena and the humans while gathering as many souls as possible to help create new infantry for the Underworld Army. His plot saw his forces go toe to toe with Pit multiple times, but Hades himself waits until the very late game to show off his own power.
Boomstick: Of which he had lots. That was until he was eventually defeated by Pit once and for all, with help from Palutena, Viridi, Dyntos and Medusa. I mean, if it takes the work of four gods and a well trained angel to defeat you, you're one helluva force. But how does Hades size up when on the attack?
(Cues- Hades' Infernal theme- Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Wiz: Surprisingly enough, Hades doesn't actually use very many weapons. Instead, he prefers to use openings on his body, lovingly known as face guns.
Boomstick: What? You mean other than his Devastation Ensemble?
Wiz: Hades can create replicas of his face all over his body to keep firing on Pit during their final battle. In fact, he can summon multiple at the same time, making it very easy for a foe to become overwhelmed if they are stuck in a close vicinity with him.
Boomstick: While at close range, Hades will be more than tempted to take a swing at you with his claws, and may even channel his inner Mike Tyson with some swift and hard punches. Of course, these are just his basics and Hades can easily transition into other close ranged attacks such as a huge blast of energy from his mouth, which completely obliterated the Three Sacred Treasures in one fell swoop.
Wiz: He can also generate barriers of two separate colours: blue and purple. Only the blue ones can be safely destroyed, or else they would explode and cause damage. The purple ones on the other hand can still be destroyed, but will cause damage to Hades' foe any way. Meaning Hades can use these as a way to draw his opponent's focus while he conjures up a new plan.
Boomstick: Shit. Sounds like a tough boss battle. Imagine hanging in that boss fight until the late stage just to lose because you couldn't tell the colours apart.
Wiz: Come on, you really think Hades cares about fair?
Boomstick: Of course not; that's why I like the guy!
Wiz: Hades can also attack with standard beams of lasers from his hands and eyes, firing three at a time to force Pit into some pretty tight dodges. As well as this, Hades can summon huge twisters that Palutena believed to be strong enough to defeat the Sacred Treasure. This is also extremely tricky to dodge, and can allow Hades to form another attack with his foe distracted.
Boomstick: As if the growths on his body weren't bad enough, Hades can also fire large fireballs and create vacuums in his hands and his mouth. There's no denying: Hades can hurt you in just about any way he wants. Hell, he might just even decide to create a drill in his chest, just to really ruin your day. A drill powerful enough to pierce the protection of the Sacred Treasure.
Wiz: But perhaps just as impressive as that, Hades can take a real beating too. During the final battle with Pit, Hades gets sliced in half by the Sacred Treasure. For most foes that would surely end the battle, but Hades laughed it off, and continued to fly to safety where he effortlessly regenerated his entire lower body. He displayed a similar regeneration factor when Medusa punched his head off his shoulders. He quickly dispatched of Medusa and then grew back his head and was still in a position to fire his 'deadliest attack'.
Boomstick: The guy's so tough that he even survived having his heart, yes, that all important organ, being destroyed by Pit during Hades' Inside Story. He then survived the Lightning Chariot being piloted through his chest and even managed to look somewhat cheery at the end of the level. But despite being ruthlessly strong, he isn't a perfect combatant.
(Cues- Chaos Vortex- Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Wiz: Hades is extremely arrogant. Throughout the entirety of Kid Icarus Uprising he belittles Pit and Palutena's abilities but fails to kill them at any point in the game. It's even said in his idol description of Kid Icarus Uprising that he wasn't using his full strength against Pit.
Boomstick: And even though Hades can still revive body parts with the use of souls, it comes at the expense of those new parts being slightly weaker than the originals. Meaning well focused attacks can keep Hades at bay should he struggle to cope with them in the first place.
Wiz: Also, if Hades has the upper hand on a foe it is likely he will taunt them, and take the time to charge up his strongest attack to wipe them out completely. This leaves him wide open to a counter attack whenever his opponent can recover .
Boomstick: And even though he is a god, Hades still feels the need to show off two gaping weak spots on the back of his cape and in his chest. While they take a real pounding to do real damage, they are still noticeable weaknesses that Pit managed to use against the Lord of the Underworld. But, if someone takes him lightly, Hades will gladly remind them why he is truly a deity to be feared.
Hades: You poor deluded things! You'll never stop me! Not in MY realm!
Bowser[]
(Cues- Melty Molten Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy OST)
Wiz: The definition of insanity: trying the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.
Boomstick: Which is probably a good way of looking at Bowser's ordeal with Princess Peach and his endeavor to take over the Mushroom Kingdom.
Wiz: For years now, the fierce King of Koopas has feuded with the Mario Brothers in multiple environments. Whether he is operating from a new galaxy in the middle of the universe, and growing his new Galactic Empire or whether he keeps his battles to the basement of a dingy castle, he always puts up a contest for the plumber duo.
Boomstick: Unfortunately for Bowser, this has never seen him emerge with victory. Just think, all this trouble for a woman, and all she can do is bleat about the man you've been fighting for years? Forget her, pal; you can do better.
Wiz: It's not like Bowser lacks the means to defeat the brothers; he has armies, masterminds of children, pyrokinesis, raw power and various forms that could help him achieve the win. No matter how much the Mario Bros add to their arsenals, Bowser is never too far away with a new power to meet them.
(Cues- Giga Bowser - Super Smash Bros Melee OST)
Boomstick: As an overgrown, fire breathing turtle, there's a lot to unpack with Bowser. His bread and butter attacks consist of attempted stomps and punches that can summon shock waves across the floor. He can also leave his foes shell shocked, slamming his giant casing into enemies with ease. His Whirling Fortress attack can be used to elevate himself while simultaneously roughing up his opponent.
Wiz: There is also attacks such as the Bowser Bomb where Bowser can leap into the air and deliver an attack where he uses all his weight and strength to crush a foe. Of course, Bowser needs time to set up but the range this attack can cover is actually very surprising. In addition, Bowser is always stocked up on Bob-ombs, hammers and fireballs just in case of a close range plumber squashing session.
Boomstick: His spiky shell can even fire the spikes off as attacks in themselves. Well, sometimes the best defence is a great offence.
Wiz: In the Mario Galaxy games, Bowser was shown to be able to spit meteors at his target. As well as this, he was shown to be able to teleport at an undisclosed range. During the battles on his many reactors and strongholds, Bowser was also shown to have a roar strong enough to rip Mario from the orbit of one platform and force him to battle on another smaller planet.
Boomstick: That power probably came with the assistance of the Grand Stars he had swallowed to empower himself. And let me tell you something, if there was ever a Koopa steroid? Those Grand Stars were about as good as it got.
Wiz: Bowser can control lightning, use metal claws as weapons, and if absolutely needed, Bowser can fall back on a variety of forms. Perhaps the most notorious would be Giga Bowser. This state grows Bowser by a significant amount, and adds certain elemental side effects to regular attacks. But perhaps the biggest advantage in Giga Bowser's transformation is the temporary resistance to pain. While not invincible, Bowser can shrug off most offence until the form expires.
Boomstick: Another form Bowser can rely on is Dry Bowser. A skeletal version of the Koopa King which is resistant to fire, but just as vulnerable to anything else. Though he can detach parts of his body as an extension of an attack if needs be.
Wiz: Finally, there is Dreamy Bowser. Activated by engulfing the shards of the Dream Stone, this form also grows Bowser and increases his attack greatly. In this form, he throws rainbow coloured fireballs and can summon minions to attack his foe. This form required perfect coordination between Mario and Luigi to overturn, but was eventually seen off in an explosion, reverting him back to his base form.
Boomstick: Damn. Feels like no matter what he and his children think up, there is some way to beat it.
(Cues- Catastrophe - Super Mario Galaxy OST)
Wiz: Well, a big part of that would be Bowser's "Too big to fail" mentality. No matter how many gaping holes there are in a scheme or plot, Bowser cannot see it. He will leave buttons and axes in places that openly jeopardize his intention to slay the Mario Bros.
Boomstick: I mean, in most games the boss battle with Bowser is almost a carbon copy over and over, with one slight change. You'd think Bowser would have the chance to change up his strategy before the final showdown, right?
Wiz: Most of Bowser's forms and powers have specific constraints such as time limits or limited range. Because of this, nimble foes like Mario can buy themselves enough time for Bowser to leave himself and exposed and vulnerable to a lethal counter. Bowser also has a knack to be quite headstrong and reckless, preferring a head on confrontation rather than keeping his distance. Again making him easy to deceive and lead into traps.
Boomstick: Despite being not the brightest in battle, his schemes themselves are usually quite elaborate. So just because you thought you had him outsmarted, don't think you've necessarily gotten him beat.
Bowser: You finally made it! Just in time for me to stomp you into space bits!
Intermission[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!
Fight[]
Location: Phoenix Mountain (Kid Icarus Uprising)
(Cues- Airship theme - Super Mario Bros. 3 OST)
Airships swarmed the volcano skies, and minions began to deploy below. A squad of Hammer Bros were wiped out as the Phoenix launched itself into them and up into the air. The ships fired on the mythical creature, and it began to engage the craft. On the flagship, Bowser marched his way to the side of the ship. "GRAH! YOU, YOU AND YOU! WITH ME!" he roared, a sense of urgency about him. He and his selected minions leapt from the ship and landed before the fruit of their endeavor. "The Wish Seed. Mine to do with as I command." he chuckled. He then took a step forwards, before hearing the sound of an explosion behind him. "WHAT?" he roared, as he saw another figure appear behind his flagship. The Lord of the Underworld, Hades was here!
"Hades!" Bowser roared in rage. "Bowser!" the god replied with a smug grin.
"Hades!"
"Bowser!"
"HAAADDEESS!"
"BOOOWSEERRR!"
Bowser summoned a Grand Star, and engulfed it to match Hades thereabouts in height. He smirked, but Hades was unfazed. "IT'S ON!" they both declared.
FIGHT!
(Cues- King Bowser - Super Mario Galaxy OST)
The pair of giants clashed with a punch against each other's striking fist. As they struggled for a strength advantage, the Phoenix made a flying pass between them, resulting in them both punching the mythical bird through the volcano. Hades fired projectiles from his eyes, which barely damaged Bowser too much. The Koopa King responded with a swiping blow, knocking Hades against the side of the cave. He then leapt up, and prepared a kick, looking to drive the god through it. Hades sneered, teleporting behind Bowser and grabbing him by the tail. He then mimicked Mario's throw, launching the turtle against a higher part of a cliff. Bowser grumbled, lifting himself up and spitting meteors at Hades.
"A lovely display." Hades said, punching them apart. "But I wouldn't be the greatest Nintendo villain if I couldn't cope!" he said, grin widening as he closed in. Bowser at this point had quit the projectile game and instead used a stiff punch to stagger the god. "Don't count your title yet. You've not beaten me." Bowser remarked, as he punched the ground, creating a shock wave that Hades took to the air to avoid. Bowser then grabbed him, and prepared a flying slam. Thankfully for Hades, his Face Guns began popping up and shooting Bowser off him. Bowser sent a cluster of hammers at the faces, but despite taking those weapons out, Hades sucker punched Bowser right across the mouth. Bowser skidded across the floor, taking a momentarily breather.
(Cues- The War's End (Part 1) Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Hades was the one to attack next, launching a flying kick of his own and attempting to knock Bowser into the lava. Bowser summoned lightning from above, which shot down on Hades and stunned the Lord of the Underworld. "Sneaky little pest!" Hades snapped, as he fired a laser from his hand that staggered back Bowser. "Enough of this!" Bowser roared, using a Whirling Fortress attack to get beneath Hades' feet. With a ramming blow from beneath, Bowser launched Hades into the air, as the god smiled and flew towards another part of terrain. "Where d'ja think you're going?" Bowser asked, pursuing. Hades looked over his shoulder. "Stalker! Don't you have anything better to do?" he asked, throwing a fist of fireballs at Bowser.
Bowser grabbed Hades by the leg and pulled him to the ground. Hades went for a punch, which Bowser was able to reverse into a drop kick. This was then followed up with a succession of three meteors being spat into Hades' chest. Bowser wanted the killing blow, like yesterday, and hoped to find it in a Bowser Bomb. But as the the attack came in, Hades summoned multiple shields at Bowser to was slowly held off. Some of the shields themselves began to attack Bowser, which did not amuse Bowser. He slammed his fist into the ground, using the shock wave to break Hades' attack. As Bowser struck again with a punch, Hades summoned a vortex in his open hand, which pulled Bowser's strike to a side. Hades sneered, and Bowser responded by cracking a headbutt on the god's forehead. "Well then..." Hades remarked, as he struck him with an uppercut of his own. Bowser landed in a heap, where his tail then dipped into the lava behind him.
(Cues- Final Boss Battle Phase 2 - Super Mario Bros Wii OST)
Bowser changed up his tactics, revealing Giga Bowser. He wouldn't even let Hades crack his first joke about the new form before cracking him with a punch across the jaw. He then spun his shell around viciously, creating a storm of ice which froze a part of Hades' legs. "Now what?" Hades yelled, as he swiped at Bowser's head. Giga Bowser delivered an aerial drop kick, and then finally a Bowser Bomb right into Hades' chest. "GAAAAAAHHHH!" Hades yelled in pain, his top half separating from the bottom. At this point, Giga Bowser expired.
"Looks like you're not half the villain I am." Bowser snorted, preparing a stream of fire. Hades then sprang into action. "That's what you think! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed maniacally as he flew further up the volcano. Bowser pursued, just in time to see Hades recover his lower half, regenerating on the spot. Bowser's jaw nearly hit the ground, but he remained focused. He looked for Whirling Fortress again, but Hades played smart and summoned blue and purple projectiles. Bowser mowed them all down, but suffered damage from taking on the purple ones. Bowser's attack slowed, and Hades thumped down on his snout. Bowser landed on the back of his shell, and Hades stomped down on his stomach. Bowser teleported behind Hades, burning his back but the Face Guns forced Bowser into momentary retreat.
(Cues- The War's End (Part 5) Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Bowser attempted a flying press again, this time hoisting Hades into the air. As the two rushed towards the surface, something appeared in Hades' chest which Bowser had failed to recognize. A large drill began to burrow its way into Bowser's stomach, drawing away the power of the Grand Star. "WHAT?!" Bowser demanded, before being planted into the ground. The Grand Star floated before him, and Hades summoned a Twister, which ripped the power away from Bowser. Bowser whistled for a Koopa Clown Car, which whisked him away towards the summit. Hades followed, throwing a punch at the vehicle which spilled Bowser on the top of the volcano as it began to erupt.
As the lava shot up, Hades' Twister returned and dropped the lava on Bowser. The King of Koopas roared in pain and rage as his skeletal remains were left standing. He looked around for Hades furiously, who teleported in from the side. "BOOM!" he yelled, clapping his hands on Bowser's skeleton. The bones fell apart on impact, and Hades stood before him. "If I'm getting rid of the most notorious Nintendo villain..." the then prepared his most deadly attack. "I better do it with respect!" the bones of Bowser put themselves back together, just as Hades finished charging the attack. "So long, Bowser!" he yelled, unleashing a blinding light which collapsed the volcano, and left nothing of the now former King of Koopas.
KO!
Conclusion[]
(Cues- The War's End (Part 7) Kid Icarus Uprising OST)
Boomstick: Bow down to the... well... god I suppose!
Wiz: On the surface this battle seems like a comfortable Bowser victory, and it probably would have been if not for a few reasons. One being Bowser's tunnel vision. When Bowser has a battle mapped out, he sets a very specific and clear intention of how the battle plays out. Even if his approach has flaws that become exposed by his adversary, Bowser remains committed to his route one approach.
Boomstick: You see, ladies? That's why men fear commitment; it always ends with us getting obliterated by some huge god creature!
Wiz: Hades had counters for these approaches, being able to physically match up to Bowser with blows and magic powers. But the issue for Bowser, more than anything, was his tendency to get up close and personal with his enemy. This leaves him massively exposed against enemies that have built in defense like Hades. His face guns and palm vortexes could force Bowser's accuracy and stature to become undone and force him into retreat at times.
Boomstick: Think back to the Bowser battles of Mario Galaxy and Mario Galaxy 2. Bowser could easily defeat Mario by knocking the planet out of orbit, or by sitting back and creating an unreasonable number of projectiles to deal with. But he instead limits himself, and then comes in close because he wants to physically squash Mario out of existence. Not a smart move, as this always results in Bowser undoing his own plans.
Wiz: Hades' drill would easily provide a way to remove Bowser's engulfed Grand Star, restoring him to base size and while Bowser is no slouch in any state, Hades was always going to be too much for regularly sized Bowser. Even with the additions of Giga Bowser or Dreamy Bowser, there's no reason to assume the result changes. Giga Bowser is a very short term approach and Dreamy Bowser offers nothing much that over Bowser forms don't already include.
Boomstick: Bowser may have survived the collapse of the Galaxy Reactor in Galaxy 1, but the damage left him all but incapacitated. Just because he survived an explosion like that once, doesn't mean he is immune to all damage done at a lesser extent. It's... kind of a weird one to explain.
Wiz: Some people treat the damage suffered as a specific ranking, for example an explosion is far worse than a knife wound. However just because, by some miracle, you survived an explosion doesn't mean you would necessarily survive a knife wound. The damage is completely different in how it damages you. So while Bowser survived the explosion of the reactor, doesn't mean a drill through the heart should not dole serious damage. At least enough to leave him exposed to a more deadly follow up.
Boomstick: Try as he might, Bowser couldn't reKooparate in time.
Wiz: The winner is Hades!
