Death Battle Fanon Wiki
Advertisement
Guile VS The Soldier
Season 1, Episode 1
Vital statistics
Air date November 19th, 2014 (Original)

October 18th, 2015 (Rematch)

Written by AgentHoxton
Directed by AgentHoxton
Episode guide
Previous Next
N/A (Season 1)

Motaro VS Eyedol (Season 3)

Agent 47 VS Aiden Pearce (Season 1)

Saxton Hale VS Steven Armstrong (Season 3)

Guile VS The Soldier is a What-If? episode of Death Battle, and the first episode of AgentHoxton's Death Battles. It features Guile from the Street Fighter series and the RED Soldier of the Team Fortress series.

Descriptionhthth

Street Fighter VS Team Fortress! Two of America's top military-themed fighters take to the battlefield to prove their superiority! Will Guile send this mercenary home to be a family man? Or will the Soldier's rockets and firepower prevail?

Interlude

Wiz: The gaming world has gifted the United States of America with a wide array of characters...

Boomstick: And when it comes to the top brass of the military fighting class, these two fighters are recognizable from a mile away... for more reasons than one.

Wiz: Guile, Street Fighter extraordinaire.

Boomstick: And the RED Soldier, the rocket-jumping mercenary!

Wiz: For a fair assessment, we are going to limit these two fighters to their standard equipment and moves. For Guile we are strictly limiting him to moves from the canon games. No re-makes, spin-offs and non-canon games are allowed. And for the Soldier, we are limiting him to his standard equipment only. No allowing of unique weaponry and no special items or outside help from other classes. This way, we can avoid all player influence.

Boomstick: Also there needs to be a death, so Soldier cannot respawn this once. Think of it as a TF2 arena match! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

Guile

Wiz: Guile is one of the top powerhouses of the Street Fighter heroes, but before he became the man he is today, he was once a trainee in the United States Air Force. From there he befriended Charlie Nash, his superior officer, and it was him who taught Guile his unique fighting style, the same one that sticks with him today.

Boomstick: But due to Guile being pretty impatient and hot-headed, he couldn't completely exact this art. He has to use both hands to perform attacks that Charlie could do with one. But I guess that's what you get if you try to take matters into your own hands.

Wiz: Speaking of which, on a mission to find Charlie after he went missing, he ventured all the way out to a fortress belonging to the villainous group of Shadaloo. While their leader, M. Bison, was being pre-occupied by Ryu, Guile and Charlie set explosives around a source of power belonging to Bison known as the Psycho Drive. Ryu beat Bison and he regenerated into the Drive, at which point Charlie instructed Guile to escape. The base exploded in the end, but Guile was alright.

Boomstick: But poor old Charlie was never heard from again, and to top it all off, Bison lived!

Wiz: Enraged at Bison for supposedly being the cause of the death of his best friend, he entered the second World Warrior Tournament - which in itself was one of Bison's traps - in his quest for vengeance.

Boomstick: His sheer size allows for him to hold a strong offense AND a strong defense to match! He can securely hold his ground against the likes of Ryu, Ken and kick-mistress Chun-Li! Clearly, he's the body build that most men would want to achieve in life.

Wiz: His close quarter combat is impressive to say he learned from one person and has pretty strong long-ranged attacks as well that Charlie taught him, the unfortunate trade-off being that he only has two special moves he can properly utilise.

Boomstick: The first is the Flash Kick, an anti-air move that keeps his foes at bay, and when it connects, it must hurt like a bitch! His other more famous move is known as the...

Guile: Sonic Boom!

A part of the Street Fighter animated series plays, where Guile is throwing his Sonic Boom at two Shadaloo guards, who are knocked down.

Boomstick: This move is a basic projectile and is pretty much Guile's equivalent of the Hadouken. But when he charges this bad boy up, it can really cause serious damage! Unless it hits a wall. Or... anything, really.

Wiz: Actually, both the Sonic Boom and the Flash Kick require charging to use at their maximum effects. So despite being a powerhouse with powerful strikes and defense, he doesn't have many special moves to back himself up. However, over time he has adapted the use of both the Sonic Boom and the Flash Kick to develop two particular Combo moves to enhance his fighting. One of these moves is the Sonic Hurricane. It is much more powerful than a standard Sonic Boom but instead of pinpointing it into a ball of energy, Guile unleashes this attack with a whirlwind effect just a few feet in front of him, which can act as a shield of sorts.

Boomstick: But his most deadly combo is the Flash Explosion, a series of three Flash Kicks, each dealing individual damage with multiple hits in the first two. He uses this combo to heavily damage foes to the point of near-knockout, or decimate football records!

Wiz: Despite the lackluster amount of applicable specials, he still has one more set of skills up his sleeve. See, each Street Fighter has his or her own unique moves, known as Unique Attacks, or Command Normals.

Boomstick: I wonder what my Command Normals are... hey Wiz, how's about you and I spar for fun?

Wiz: NO! Not after not what happened last time! The cleaner almost quit because of the damage he had to take care of!

Boomstick: He knew the risks when he took the job!

Wiz: Anyway, Guile has five unique standard moves that he can use, most if not all of which have been passed on to or can be used by Charlie, and focus on dealing heavy damage at close range. The first is the Spin Back Knuckle, a 180 degree turn which backhands the opponent with a quick punch that can stun them briefly.

Boomstick: The only thing better than the backhand - the backFIST! Ha-ha!

Wiz: The Reverse Spin Kick is a forward kick that can catch aerial foes, but blocking this move leaves Guile vulnerable to a counter attack. 

Boomstick: How the hell does that work?

Wiz: Of every move we've discussed, THAT is what you question? Anyway, there's the Step Kick, where Guile... steps forward and... kicks.

Boomstick: It does take a moment to actually initiate, so it can be negated if the opponent acts quick enough!

Wiz: But blocking it will only result in getting pushed back, so Guile has the upper hand with this move either way.

Boomstick: The Knee Bazooka lets Guile charge forward with a jumping knee strike. Like a certain racing driver...

Wiz: And finally, the Guile High Kick is a spinning high kick that can launch the opponent into the air to set up for a combo.

Boomstick: As you can tell, Guile has all kinds of moves and a lot of power behind them. I mean, just a single Sonic Boom can blast someone away!

Guile: Sonic Boom!

Another part of the Street Fighter animated series plays, this time Guile knocking a random club fighter into the crowd with the Sonic Boom.

Guile: Don't believe everything you hear.

Wiz: We don't. In fact, Guile's chivalry and fighting style is somewhat questionable, given that he hates using firearms...

Guile: You know I hate guns! Guns are for wimps!

Wiz... Which is pretty ironic considering his background and line of work.

Boomstick: But Guile's the kind of guy who doesn't need to shoot a gun to be badass!

Wiz: True. He has fought against many strong Street Fighters such as the likes of Ryu, Ken, Chun-Li, one of his rivals, Abel, and the supposed killer of his best friend, M. Bison.

Boomstick: He even became an Air Force Fighting Champion!

Wiz: And despite his fighting prowess and dealing deadly blows out a lot in these tournaments, he has successfully kept his family together for years, being the family man he tells everyone to be.

Boomstick: But unfortunately, Guile can't stop everything in his path. He can only take so much before goin' down and his hot-headedness does mean his moves aren't quite as efficient as one would think.

Wiz: Also, although he swore to the expired Charlie that he would make Bison pay, he never did quite manage to exact his revenge the way he wanted to.

Boomstick: And even when the opportunity knocked, he let Bison live. I fucking wouldn't if I was Guile! I'd pound his face in!

Wiz: It's even questionable if Guile beating Bison ever happened!

Boomstick: But perfect or not, it's hard to top this Sonic Booming champion!

Guile defeats C. Viper in Super Street Fighter IV.

Guile: In the ring, missions are meaningless. It's a battle of wills. Nothing more.

The Soldier

Wiz: The era was the 1940s. The peak of World War II. And for a young man known only as Jane Doe, this meant the perfect opportunity to join the American Army. However, he was rejected by all military branches. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE OF THEM.

Boomstick: So he gave the finger to restrictions and flew to the war himself! After finding Poland, he taught himself how to fire and load guns and went on a Nazi killing spree, slaughtering all who stood against him and being awarded medals that he made and designed himself! Clearly he should get an award for dedication to his country!

Wiz: But upon the war ending in 1949, just as soon as Jane's slaughterfest had began, it suddenly ended. But this would not prove to be the end of his fighting career. Despite not being an actual Soldier - or at least, not a properly trained one - the aging Redmond Mann decided that he would be the perfect candidate to be one of nine mercenaries to be put to the test in the feud against his brother, Blutarch, over the land of the Gravel Pits. And his brother just so happened to hire the exact same people, but in blue. Whoops.

Boomstick: With Jane back on the warpath, he got back to grips with his former ways, and its his skills and weaponry that earned him the mercenary title of The Soldier!

The Soldier fires a rocket at the BLU Medic.

Soldier: Maggots!

Boomstick: Heh heh... I like this guy! Maybe we should go to a bar together.

Wiz: His trademark weapon is his rocket launcher, supposedly a heavily customized and stylized RPG-7 that fires 4 rockets at one time and has a total of 20 overall. But this weapon is surprisingly impractical for its purpose. The rockets from this weapon launch at a constant speed of 1100 Hammer Units a second, which roughly translates to 47 miles per hour, or 21 meters a second. To compare, the RPG-7 grenade launcher, the weapon that the Soldier's launcher is based off of, has an inital launch speed of 294 meters a second. Comparing the two speeds means that the Soldier's rocket launcher is 14 times slower than its real-life counterpart!

Boomstick: But the speed of these rockets make them no less lethal! While they do suffer from damage falloff over distance, a single rocket is capable of popping any foe in the air regardless of size or weight, and can blow up most standard enemies in two or three shots.

Wiz: The rocket launcher is far from the Soldier's only weapon.

Boomstick: When the time does not quite call for making chunks of meat out of another person, he whips out his sawed-off pump action shotgun, useful for when his rocket launcher is out of ammo or requires reloading in a tight spot. It can shoot six times a clip, and holds 32 rounds worth of pain! And when he's REALLY up in someone's face, he pulls out his handheld flip-up shovel to smash his foes' faces in! See, it's not just for killing weeds, it does well for killing people as well!

The Soldier gibs members of the BLU Team before turning around and whacking a Spy with the Shovel.

Boomstick: Heh-heh... I think he got him. He also houses two grenades on his chest, but he doesn't seem to use them that much and, thinking about it, why would you even store live explosives on your chest!?

Wiz: Despite learning to fire a wide variety of guns in the midst of the Second World War, the Soldier hardly has much to defend himself with - three weapons is travelling light for someone who fought in a war. But despite this, the Soldier used his limited arsenal and revolutionized and possibly even invented a strategy so crazy it just might work.

Boomstick: When Solly wants to get somewhere quick, he points down, fires, and does this!

The Soldier is shown launching a rocket at his feet, performing a rocket jump.

Boomstick: I now know how I want to get from place to place in the future.

Wiz: This technique is known as rocket jumping, and utilises the rocket launcher's surprising lack of user lethality to hop into the air and gain extra mobility.

Boomstick: The rocket jump technique allows him access to places even a Scout cannot get to and gives Soldier the opportunity to launch an air strike on unsuspecting foes. With a proper launch method he can propel himself well over 10 feet in the air with a single jump! Or he can chain these rocket jumps to travel around the battlefield at ridiculous speeds! Man, you do NOT want to get in the way of one of those. Just walking along and BAM! Slammed in the face by a speeding man in a war uniform!

The Soldier rocket jumps, destroying a Sentry and killing an Engineer in the process.

Wiz: The Soldier still technically has one weapon left on his side... Luck.

Boomstick: ...What?

Wiz: No, the Soldier's standard equipment, and by extension all standard equipment for both teams, have a random chance for a heavy-hitting attack. These are known as critical hits.

Boomstick: Now we're talking!

Wiz: The critical chance is completely random and can occur at any time, although certain items and effects can force criticals to be fired.

Boomstick: While normal projectiles suffer from damage fallout, critical shots don't, and deals roughly triple the damage that an ordinary shot would! When a crit projectile comes your way, you better fucking run away or else you'll be fried faster than a Thanksgiving turkey!

Wiz: The Soldier is quite the survivor. Not only has he blasted away at the BLU Team for about a decade, but he is also man enough to even take on robot mercenaries made by Gray Mann, some of them many times bigger than he is! 

Boomstick: And for quite some time he had to be the roommate of Merasmus the Magician, and after things got hairy the Soldier had to suffer his wrath for over two years, having him and his team fight a giant eyeball and then Merasmus himself... and the Soldier's team won! 

Wiz: However, despite his claims, he is not perfect. He's not exactly the smartest fighter, often relying on brute force and military instinct in a battle. Also, since there's no Medics allowed in this battle, he has to rely on health kits and ammo kits in order to keep a constant edge on his foes.

Boomstick: And unfortunately, his standard launcher can only allow him so many jumps before HE'S the one who gets dismembered, so he has to put these under moderation.

Wiz: The Soldier is tough, vicious, well-armed and well-rounded. He is an expert at playing himself beyond his own enemies' reach and keeping himself attached to an objective even under severe pain. And although he isn't nearly as intelligent as most other RED Team members, he is not completely stupid as most people would imply. At the same time, though, he can often be so one-track minded that he often overlooks important details while concentrating on a single objective. So although war is a perilous task, as a fighting man and a class, the Soldier is prepared for anything, even if it would cost him his life. All in the name of himself and his team... and America.

Boomstick: I like him!

Soldier: And from that day forward, any time a bunch of animals are together in one place, it's called a ZOO!

DEATH BATTLE!

AgentHoxton[]

The RED base is shown as the afternoon sunshine lights up the battlefield. The mission for the RED Team is about to begin.

Announcer: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Begin!

At this point, the gate opens and the nine RED mercenaries – Soldier included – begin to roll out for their mission. The Scout and Medic lead the team whereas the Soldier is at the back, the Heavy surging ahead. The team enter an enormous warehouse and are about to hit the control point area when suddenly…

???: Sonic BOOM!

A huge energy blast surges towards the other RED team members and all of them are knocked down and killed by the sheer force of the blast. The Soldier arrives on scene to find his team slaughtered in front of him. On the end of the metal bridge housing the control point is Guile. The Soldier slowly walks forward and takes his position on the opposite end of his unknown adversary. Guile’s face is stern and uncaring as he addresses the mercenary.

Guile: Go home and be a family man.

Despite not knowing what this term means, the Soldier grimaces, coming to the conclusion that he is an enemy. He draws his rocket launcher and pulls it to his side, gripped in one hand.

Soldier: No.

Guile grimaces too, and hunkers down into his iconic battle stance. The Soldier is now gripping his rocket launcher with both hands, still down loose at his side. Both are now staring each other down across the bridge, anticipating each other to attack first.

FIGHT!

Guile finally strikes first, charging up another Sonic Boom.

Guile: Sonic… BOOM!

As Guile’s Sonic Boom fires, the Soldier simultaneously fires a rocket at Guile. The two projectiles collide and cause a massive explosion at the center of the bridge, kicking up an enormous column of smoke. Guile crouches slightly, trying to see through the thick smoke, before the Soldier leaps through the cloud, shovel in his hands and ready to smash Guile’s head. However, Guile dodges and the shovel slams into the metal. Guile retaliates with a Reverse Spin Knuckle, which stuns the Soldier, allowing him to follow up with a barrage of punches. He successfully lands four powerful hits before hopping back, jumping and attempting a Reverse Spin Kick, which the Soldier blocks with his shovel. After this, Guile's next barrage of punches gets blocked and parried by the Soldier's shovel, before Guile breaks it up by smashing the Soldier in the jaw with the Guile High Kick, launching him into the air.

The Soldier is sent back across the bridge where he came from, landing harshly on the metal surface and tumbling a little before coming to a stop. The Soldier gets up and becomes surprised upon learning that Guile is quickly closing the gap, preparing for a Flash Kick. Quickly scrambling to his feet, he pulls his rocket launcher back out and prepares to jump, taking off just as Guile prepares his next move.

Guile: Flash Kick!

Guile performs the Flash Kick, but by the time Guile has executed the move, the Soldier is already high up above his head, firing a rocket straight at Guile's back before landing on the control point. Guile reels round, his face obviously showing anger and pain from the rocket fired at him. The Soldier reels around too, ready to duel at close range again, this time he has pulled out his shotgun. As the two meet each other the Soldier fires a shot at Guile, who blocks most of the pellets with his arm. Both continue to scrap at one another, Soldier hitting Guile with his shotgun and Guile parrying accordingly. After a series of hits and blocks Guile pulls off another Guile High Kick, which misses the Soldier but knocks his shotgun clean out of his hands, landing behind him some distance away. The Soldier, shaken slightly, pulls his shovel out once again. Guile performs a series of punches which the Soldier blocks with his shovel, occasionally landing a hit on Guile's face with the weapon, before Guile lifts him off the ground with a Knee Bazooka followed by a Flash Kick. 

Guile: Flash Kick!

The Soldier has been launched high up into the air at this point and, as he comes back down, Guile runs forward and connects with a Step Kick, hitting its mark and launching the Soldier across the bridge. This time the Soldier isn't getting back up, instead struggling to move. As he twitches in pain on the floor, Guile stares down at him solemnly.

Guile: Looks like I won this time. And believe me, there won't be a next time!

Guile steps backwards, ready to perform what he would consider to be the finishing blow. At the same time, the Soldier lifts his helmet slightly and spots his shotgun only a meter or two away. Quickly, he pulls himself across the metal bridge to reach his shotgun before Guile can finish him off. Behind him, Guile prepares his finisher.

Guile: Sonic...

But before Guile can fully charge and fire the Sonic Boom, the Soldier had grabbed his shotgun, twisted around and shot at the Street Fighter. Guile flinches and protects his face from the shotgun pellets. He soaks most of the bullets with little harm, at the expense of losing his Sonic Boom. The Soldier, now filled with a burning rage from the pain, pushes himself to his feet and charges directly at Guile, leaping onto him and climbing onto his back, whacking his head constantly with the shovel as the two struggle.

Soldier: Get a haircut, hippie!

Guile, infuriated at this point, pulls the Soldier off his back and tosses him into the air. He then crouches, ready for a Flash Explosion.

Guile: Here we go!

As the Soldier is about to hit the ground, Guile begins his combo.

Guile: One! Two!

The first two Flash Kicks hit their mark, launching the Soldier into the air once again, sending him up to a higher level of the warehouse. However, the Soldier sees him ready to strike a third time and rocket jumps away, using the wall as the rocket jump surface as Guile homes in for the kill.

Guile: STRIKE!

Guile performs the final Flash Kick against the wall, leaving massive cracks in the process, but the Soldier is already long gone behind him. Turning round, he spots the Soldier jumping off the bridge and into the small lower pit below. As he catches out of the corner of his eye that Guile is ready to home in on him, Soldier notices a medium health kit under the bridge. He leaps for the kit, obtaining it and performing a forward roll, stopping himself afterwards. Guile has now jumped down and joined him in the pit and the Soldier, feeling a bit more refreshed, turns around, pulls out his rocket launcher and fires two rockets at Guile, one of which is a crit rocket. They fly towards Guile, who charges up another attack.

Guile: Sonic... Hurricane!

Just before the rockets strike him, Guile unleashes his Sonic Hurricane, blasting the rockets away from him, hitting different walls. He and the Soldier once again find themselves staring each other down. Guile leaps and the Soldier rocket jumps, both ready to catch each other in the air. Guile prepares an air kick, but the Soldier whacks him over the head with his shovel before he can do so, sending him hurtling into the bridge below. Guile is now dazed as he slowly gets to his feet, the Soldier landing behind him with his back turned. Then, just like he did with his encounter with the BLU Spy, the Soldier performs a 180 degree spin and slams his shovel into Guile's face. Guile recoils with the force and the Soldier begins a ruthless assault. He strikes Guile with the shovel again, slamming him on the head once and smacking him across the face twice. He then switches to his shotgun and fires the remaining four shots in the clip, each one hurting Guile as he struggles to block them under his immense amount of pain. The Soldier then runs forward and kicks Guile in the chest, sending him crashing to the ground. Guile, unable to get back up, is helpless as the Soldier launches himself into the air one last time.

Soldier: Checkmate, comrade!

Soldier fires a rocket down at Guile, which happens to be a critical rocket. Guile can do nothing as the rocket hurtles down towards him and strikes him, the ensuing blast kicking up a large amount of smoke. A few seconds later, the Soldier lands amid some body parts and the cloud of smoke, looking left and right for his opponent as he reloads his shotgun. Just as he finishes reloading, he notices Guile crawling away through the clearing smoke, still alive despite having his entire lower section blown off from the rocket's power. The Soldier walks up to the escaping Guile and stomps on him once before grabbing the disgraced Street Fighter by the back of his tank top and pulling him up to face view, his shotgun still in his hand.

Soldier: You're a disgrace to the uniform.

The Soldier points the shotgun in Guile's face and finishes him off, shooting him point blank. After a few seconds, he drops the upper half of Guile and grins slightly, feeling as if his mission is accomplished.

K.O.!

The Soldier walks away whilst detaching a grenade from his belt, pulling the pin and throwing it over his shoulder. The grenade rolls up to the remainder of Guile and the explosion blows him to pieces.

Results[]

Boomstick: Damn. At least Guile will be re-united with Charlie... I think.

Wiz: This was a very close fight - Guile may be tough and powerful, but in the end, he could not compete with the Soldier's weaponry and ruthless skill.

Boomstick: Unlike Guile, the Soldier was more than capable of matching his long-range combat, despite not doing so well in short-range combat. Other times the Soldier could spot him homing in and thanks to his rocket jump, he could get out before Guile could get to him first.

Wiz: With that said, Guile is definitely one of the toughest opponents the Soldier has ever faced, more than capable of killing him if he had the opportunity. Of all of the American Street Fighters, Guile definitely stood the best chance of beating this mercenary.

Boomstick: In fact, he had the perfect move to finish him off - the brutal Flash Explosion. But Jane could avoid the full force of the attack thanks to his rocket jumping skills.

Wiz: But most importantly, Guile is a Major in the United States Air Force and even then most of his time is spent hunting down M. Bison instead of his duties, and although his moves are devastating, they're just known to be painful, not lethal. The Soldier has fought since World War II and, despite not being a properly trained Soldier, has a lot more combat experience, as well as gaining his brutal tenacity. This battle was, to its core, a battle against short and long range. Guile is good with his fists, but the Soldier is better with his guns. Guile was more dominant at close range, but the Soldier was more dominant at long range, his projectiles having more lethal power than Guile's. And that eventually proved too much for him.

Boomstick: Guile definitely put up a good fight, but he can only do so much against guns like the Soldier's. But regardless of who would've won, this fight would've been a blast.

Wiz: The winner is the RED Soldier.

Interlude (Rematch)[]

Wiz: Guile of Street Fighter...

Boomstick: The Soldier of Team Fortress...

Wiz: One year ago today, these two fought a close battle to find out who was superior. And while there was one victor that got to keep his life, a lot has changed since then, and given that this is the oldest battle, we weren't actually sure what we were doing back then.

Boomstick: This time, we're opening the taps a lot more to these guys to give them the best possible chances!

Wiz: Originally, these two fought at their basic level. This time, however, each will get their own set of custom moves and equipment from their games respectively to give a better idea of who is truly superior.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

The Information[]

Wiz: In 1991, as the sequel to their already fast-growing popular fighter game, Capcom released Street Fighter II, a Street Fighter title that sought to improve the concepts introduced in the first game as well as offer a wide variety of characters at the time, each with their own unique fighting style.

Boomstick: From this line-up came the introduction of Guile, and he was the textbook definition of badassery! He was even made to appeal to American audiences, and they friggin' NAILED IT!

Wiz: Hailing from a long career in the United States Air Force, Guile was a practitioner of Charlie Nash's fighting style, composed of the Flash Kick and the famous Sonic Boom. He was bold, powerful, and determined - a perfect ideal for an American army hero such as Guile.

Boomstick: As well as stoic and persistent! But you'd have to be in order to really hold your own against martial arts experts or savage jungle beasts! Speaking of persistent, he was such for a good reason - he wanted to fucking kill M. Bison!

Wiz: See, back in the day, he and Charlie Nash were good friends, and both attempted to stop Bison. Eventually, it led to Charlie sacrificing his life in an attempt to save Guile and take down Bison. It... didn't work out.

Boomstick: But this drove the Sonic Booming fighter to work towards taking down the leader of Shadaloo, and he will go through any depth to get there! He's beaten a wide variety of foes, and believe me when I say, you do NOT want to get on this guy's bad side!

Wiz: Then, fast-forward 16 years into the future to 2007, and the gaming scene changed yet again. Team Fortress 2 started making its rounds in America.

Boomstick: (to TF2's Main Theme) Team! For-tress Twoooo! Hell yeah!

Wiz: Led in its development by Robin Walker and John Cook, Valve released their own sequel to their first-person shooter, Team Fortress Classic, and from it, came the creation of The Soldier.

Boomstick: Because Valve were clever people, they knew shooting guns at hopeless enemies would go down excellently in 'Murica, so Team Fortress 2 took off like a rocket! ...Heh! Speaking of rockets, The Soldier was the man to go for rocket-firing action!

Wiz: Like Guile, Soldier is also a hardened military veteran, but that's practically where their similarities end.

Boomstick: Unlike Guile's Sonic Booms, Solly here opts to use a fucking ROCKET LAUNCHER! With it, he can blast anyone in his way into parcel-sized meat chunks in a matter of seconds! And if that wasn't enough, he could smash you in the face with the raw metal of his shovel or pump lead into you with his shotgun! Do not underestimate this grizzled war veteran!

Wiz: He fought in World War 2, despite no military branch ever being stupid enough to let someone this crazy and bloodthirsty join their ranks. But despite this rejection, Soldier bought his own plane ticket to the war and self-taught himself on operating numerous weapons before going on a berserk killing spree of Nazis. So berserk, in fact, that he didn't stop until hearing about the war's end, in 1949... 4 years after the war actually ended.

Boomstick: Now that is some hardcore dedication!

Wiz: With their attacking styles, their military connections and their popularity in their games, Guile and the Soldier seemed destined to fight each other in a fictional battle to the death. And, hey, this show's called Death Battle, after all.

Boomstick: So we decided to give answering who would win between them a shot...


Soldier strikes Guile with the shovel again, slamming him on the head once and smacking him across the face twice. He then switches to his shotgun and fires the remaining four shots in the clip, each one hurting Guile as he struggles to block them under his immense amount of pain. The Soldier then runs forward and kicks Guile in the chest, sending him crashing to the ground. Guile, unable to get back up, is helpless as the Soldier launches himself into the air one last time.

Soldier: Checkmate, comrade!

Soldier fires a rocket down at Guile, which happens to be a critical rocket. Guile can do nothing as the rocket hurtles down towards him and strikes him, the ensuing blast kicking up a large amount of smoke. A few seconds later, the Soldier lands amid some body parts and the cloud of smoke, looking left and right for his opponent as he reloads his shotgun. Just as he finishes reloading, he notices Guile crawling away through the clearing smoke, still alive despite having his entire lower section blown off from the rocket's power. The Soldier walks up to the escaping Guile and stomps on him once before grabbing the disgraced Street Fighter by the back of his tank top and pulling him up to face view, his shotgun still in his hand.

Soldier: You're a disgrace to the uniform.

The Soldier points the shotgun in Guile's face and finishes him off, shooting him point blank. After a few seconds, he drops the upper half of Guile and grins slightly, feeling as if his mission is accomplished.


Wiz: However, one year down the line, it's clear that there are things we didn't cover or allow for this particular match-up. On Guile's side, he has the Opening Gambit combo, composed of a series of punches ending with a sideways Flash Kick. But the biggest boon of them all is none other than the Sonic Boom Typhoon, or just the Sonic Typhoon. This move sends out a giant green tornado at Guile's foes, of which deals high damage and cannot be countered by projectiles. He is a tough fighter, beating a wide variety of foes such as Rolento and Blanka, and in the latter's case, the Sonic Boom is powerful enough to blast even him off the ground.

Boomstick: The Soldier's not without his fair share of the dough, too! He's got a precision version of his standard rocket launcher known as the Direct Hit, which has less explosion radius but deals more damage and has much faster rockets - those babies go up to over 80 miles per hour, folks! Then there's the Gunboats, metal-rimmed boots designed to reduce rocket-jumping damage, and the Buff Banner, which builds up rage based on his damage built. And when that thing charges up to its maximum...

The Soldier blows on his bugle.

Boomstick: ...Then he gets a 10-second dose of pure mini-crit damage, which is pretty much the middle ground between normal and crit damage! And finally, the Equalizer is a pick-axe that increases in damage the more beat up the Soldier is getting! And boy is Soldier strong on his own accords, too! He's wrestled with and killed a Russian bear, had one of his hands cut off and was practically unphased, and once got tossed like a ragdoll by this giant... weird... bread monster thing and was able to walk it off without a hitch! Hell, he's even tough enough to go toe-to-toe with Merasmus the Magician, who is wary enough of him to want to call the police over him. Despite being, y'know, a WIZARD!

Wiz: These points and new weapons and skills have naturally rekindled the question of who will win between Guile and The Soldier, and, well... here we are to revisit the question and answer it for real.

Boomstick: Are these new points, feats, and attributes enough to claw victory back into Guile's hands, or will this just become another repeat of the past for the RED Team?

Wiz: Well... let's end this debate once and for all. It's time... for the rematch of our first combatants.

Boomstick: It's time... FOR A DEATH BATTLE!

DEATH BATTLE! (Rematch)[]

A.H. Graveyard

This was a special graveyard. Only a select few are brought here. It's only for the dead, and none others. Which made tonight a very special occasion, as a helicopter flew over the graveyard and hovered just outside of the gates. Inside this helicopter was a man clad in a red military uniform and a brown bucket helmet covering most of his head. On his feet were metal-rimmed boots and he was packing serious heat, just in case of attacks. This was the arrival of the rocket jumping mercenary, known only as The Soldier. He surveyed the graveyard before stepping out of the helicopter and onto the grounds of the graveyard. The helicopter than flew off as he began to walk slowly through the gates and through the graveyard, in search of a set grave.

It was a pretty big graveyard, and there were hundreds of graves, yet most of their tombstones had no names on them. As Soldier walked through the graveyard, he looked down at some of the gravestones, seeing various names that he did not recognise. Zatanna... Aiden Pearce... Albert Wesker... Most of the graves didn't have their names, and some even looked like they were dug up, either prepared or ransacked. The Soldier stopped upon seeing one particular gravestone that read the one name that seemed familiar to him.

"Guile".

He stared at the gravestone for a few seconds before turning to the right and spotting a grave for one of his fallen comrades, the Engineer. He knelt down as he looked at the grave. Somewhere, 6 feet below, was the body of his fallen team-mate.

"You fought a good fight, soldier." He spoke out rather sincerely, saluting as he said it. He was taking a moment of silence to respect his fallen team-mate and was only snapped out of it by a rumbling in the ground nearby. The Soldier got his rocket launcher out in warning as the ground began to crack close to the tombstone he just saw, before a fist burst out of the ground. Then, the whole body jumped out of the grave, practically okay and not dead-looking at all, weirdly.

Guile had returned. And he eyed the Soldier with a look that would indicate him wanting the RED Team member's death.

"You..." Guile growled as he pointed at the mercenary. The Soldier grimaced too.

"Gravestones are supposed to indicate that you DIE, son!" Soldier barked. "As in, you are DONE fighting!" But Guile was having none of it as he cracked his knuckles and got into a fighting stance.

"Not this time." Guile declared solemnly. "This time, YOU'RE going down!"

FIGHT!

Guile ran at the Soldier and attempted a punch, but the Soldier blocked it and jumped back. He fired a rocket at him, but Guile rolled under it to dodge as it flew off into the distance. He then prepared both of his arms in a cross formation.

"Sonic... Boom!" Guile called as he fired a Sonic Boom at the Soldier. The mercenary responded by launching a rocket at his feet and rocket jumping over the projectile, getting his shovel out as he prepared to strike Guile from above. Guile spotted him coming and blocked the shovel strike with a punch as he knocked Soldier back. Fists and shovel clashes were made for a few seconds before Guile punched the Soldier...

"Flash Kick!"

...before following up with his iconic Flash Kick, knocking the Soldier into the air. The mercenary flinched before firing three rockets down at Guile. He managed to dodge two of them, but one caught him, knocking him to the ground as the Soldier landed. He pulled out his shotgun as he fired a few times at Guile. A few bullets nicked Guile's chest, but he got back up and started to avoid the shots as he attempted to tackle the mercenary to the ground, his hands outstretched. The Soldier charged, likewise, and the two were stuck in a hand lock as they pushed against each other.

"You got me the first time... but never again!" Guile declared.

"I am not trapped in this graveyard with you... YOU ARE TRAPPED HERE WITH ME!" The Soldier shot back before grabbing Guile and throwing him over his shoulder, sending him through multiple unmarked gravestones. Guile grimaced before seeing a gravestone marked with Amy Rose. He pulled it out of the ground and, spotting the Soldier running at him, threw the gravestone at him. The Soldier fired a rocket at it as it approached through the air towards him, blasting it into smithereens. He then ran up to Guile with the Equalizer and swung at Guile, nicking his face with light damage. He swung again, but this time, Guile caught the pickaxe and kicked the mercenary back.

"Grr.." The Soldier growled before spotting Guile approaching yet again. He fired a rocket at him, but this time, Guile stopped, getting his arms back into the cross formation.

"Sonic Boom!" Guile yelled again, firing a Sonic Boom at the rocket. Just like last time, the two projectiles collided, kicking up smoke. This time, Guile immediately charged through the smoke cloud, taking Soldier by surprise with an Opening Gambit, punching him rapidly before ending with a sideways Flash Kick, knocking him through the graveyard again. Soldier hit himself on multiple unmarked graves before slamming into and destroying the gravestones belonging to Kenpachi Zaraki and the White Ranger. Guile caught up once again.

"Ready to throw in the towel?" Guile asked as the Soldier got back to his feet.

"You won't see this war dog quitting any time soon!" Doe barked back as he fired yet another rocket at Guile. This time, Guile caught it in his hands and struggled against it before throwing it back at the Soldier. His face changed from anger to shock as the rocket hit him and exploded, launching him back even more as he got blasted through several gravestones. He got knocked through the graves of Asuna, Isaac and Gaston, all of them getting smashed by his impact before slamming into a boulder, kicking up a lot of dust.

At this point, Guile would have declared victory. But he knew better than that, this time. He waited. He then glanced over, and noticed a pair of graves. The graves of Chun-Li and Charlie Nash. He looked on in shock before looking back to where he saw the Soldier get launched to.

"What have you done to Chun-Li and Charlie, you monster?" Guile yelled to the mercenary as he crawled out of the wreckage, this time no longer holding his standard rocket launcher, but now was equipped with the Direct Hit.

"I have no idea who you're talking about, sir." Soldier gruffly responded. "But if you're that willing to see them, how about I help you GO SEE THEM?" He then launched a rocket from the Direct Hit at Guile, who didn't expect it to arrive so quickly and got blasted away by the rocket. By now, both of them were showing their wear and tear in the battle.

The Soldier kept up the offence, blasting more and more rockets towards Guile. He sidestepped to get out of the way of the rockets, but fatigue and the speed of the projectiles was proving it difficult for him to keep up. He knew he had to get rid of the Soldier before the mercenary could get him again. He then very narrowly avoided a critical rocket whizzing straight past his face. He recognised it from their previous encounter - he knew it was what killed him. Guile stepped into a crouching position as he prepared a mighty move.

"Sonic... TYPHOON!" Guile yelled as he launched a giant green tornado towards the mercenary, getting pushed back as he does so. The Soldier saw it coming and fired a rocket at it, but this time the rocket dissipated against it. The Soldier's subsequent reaction could only be described as "Oh, crap!" as he got sucked into the tornado alongside several gravestones. The Soldier kept getting gravestones bashed into his face, again with more names he couldn't recognise.

Dan Hibiki. Batman. Segata Sanshiro. Those were some of them he saw as they all smashed into his face in the chaos. Eventually the tornado vanished, leaving the Soldier and the remaining debris to fall to the floor. Guile panted for breath before walking towards the Soldier, writhing on the floor as he reached for his shotgun.

"I let you get away before... but this time I am putting YOU six feet under!" Guile shouted at him, raising his fist in preparation for the finishing blow.

Or so he thought.

The Soldier searched himself for a weapon before finding the Equalizer again. He gripped both hands around the handle before getting up and delivering an almighty swing to Guile's chest. If he had done this earlier in the match, it wouldn't have done much. But because of his beaten condition, Guile could feel a searing pain in his chest as the mercenary's pickaxe created a large gash across his chest, spilling a lot of blood in the process. The Soldier then pulled out a small yellow bugle as Guile staggered, and blew a tune into it. A flag on the backpack on his back raised as his weapons glowed with a bright yellow aura.

The Buff Banner's rage had been unleashed. The Soldier knew he only had 10 seconds, he had to make this count.

He took his shotgun and fired at Guile, causing him to stagger back a little as he yelled in pain. He then grabbed Pandora's grave and threw it at Guile. Guile saw the gravestone coming, however.

"Sonic... Boom!" Guile weakly called as he fired a Sonic Boom at the gravestone, which destroyed it. However, this was planned on The Soldier's part as he fired a Direct Hit rocket straight through the wreckage, hitting Guile in the chest again as it exploded for more mini-crit damage. Guile was knocked off of his feet yet again as he saw the Soldier rocket jumping towards him. He couldn't back down now.

"Sonic... Boom!" Guile called again as he fired another Sonic Boom at the Soldier, catching him by surprise and knocking him back to the ground as the Buff Banner wore off. However, the Soldier was able to pull himself back to his feet and try again, pulling his Equalizer out as he dive bombed towards Guile with a war cry. Guile looked up to see him coming. He wanted to stop him.

But he couldn't.

The Soldier slammed his Equalizer down onto Guile's chest, with the street fighter letting out a yell as the pickaxe penetrated into his body and knocking Guile flat on his back. Guile could feel everything going cold and dark as he saw the rocket jumper looming over him.

"S-sorry Charlie... I guess revenge just wasn't meant to be..." Guile thought to himself as he could feel the blood oozing out of his chest.

Guile had failed.

"Huttah!" The Soldier called as he grabbed Guile's head with both hands, grinning sadistically. He knew exactly how to end this. And with an abrupt motion and a very audible SNAP!, The Soldier snapped Guile's neck. This time, he knew it was over for real. The Soldier dragged Guile's body to the grave with Guile's name on its tombstone, and threw him back in the hole where he came from.

"And this time, you're staying down there, maggot!" He yelled before walking out. He'd had enough of this.

K.O!

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the graveyard, a group of men in bio-hazard suits, led by a mysterious man in a suit and wearing a strange mask, were excavating the grave of a young angel boy. They pulled out the boy's corpse from the grave before looking at the man seemingly overseeing the project. He nodded, as if confirming "Yep. This is the boy we're looking for." He then signalled them to walk off, as they took the boy away.

Results (Rematch)[]

Boomstick: Alright, before those of you who thought Guile should win get angry that Guile didn't get revenge, just... hear us out on this one, alright?

Wiz: Guile is a powerful man, a skilled fighter and a great and iconic character. But the Soldier is far more deadly and destructive than Guile is. Guile's Sonic Booms are powerful enough to launch a man off of his feet, but the Soldier's rockets can do the exact same thing while dealing much more damage, in both the standard and the Direct Hit variants.

Boomstick: Guile may be a man who is faster and physically stronger, but the Soldier has fared far worse things than what Guile can do to him!

Wiz: Don't believe us? Sure, Guile's Flash Explosion and Sonic Typhoon were his aces in the hole, and they can deal high damage to the mercenary, but the Soldier has dealt with damaging stuff like that before, and survived. He's been thrown at some considerable velocity into a wall by a bread monster, and survived without much noticeable harm. He's had his hand cut off and stayed off for quite some time and acted like it was no big deal. And he's able to go toe-to-toe with Merasmus the Magician who, despite being a wizard capable of all kinds of spells and unleashing eldritch abominations, is so wary of him to the point of wanting to call the police over him. 

Boomstick: And that's not even taking into account the fact that he blasts rockets at his feet regularly to do his rocket jumps! He's Tonka tough if ever I saw it!

Wiz: There's also the case of experience, as well. Although Soldier was never accepted by the military officially, him fighting in World War 2 and fighting in battles up to this very day shows he knows the ins and outs of combat for far longer than Guile. 

Boomstick: And then there's his weapons! Despite his rockets being capable of getting cancelled by Sonic Booms and are ineffective against the Sonic Typhoon, his shotgun is pretty damaging, the Gunboats helps blast damage reduction, and the Equalizer would get more effective as the match goes on and Soldier gets more damaged! So, frankly, no matter what Guile would do, he'd still be going on the back foot eventually!

Wiz: Ultimately, despite Guile being stronger and faster on the ground than the Soldier is, the Soldier has more experience to take Guile on and has better options with deadlier results to keep the edge on him. Even his lack of intelligence isn't a factor when he's just so ruthless. And if the fact that Soldier ate Merasmus' "Come-Back-Stronger" pills was considered here... then Guile wouldn't really stand a chance at all, and thus the Soldier wouldn't have a place in battles like these. 

Boomstick: Guile was too a-head of himself to get back at this mercenary. Too bad he's not getting another necks-t time.

Wiz: The winner is the RED Soldier.

Boomstick: Again.


Advertisement