| Guile VS Stroheim | |
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| Thumbnail by GameBoyAdv | |
| Season 4, Episode 7 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | July 30, 2015 |
| Written by | Derpurple |
| Directed by | Derpurple |
Episode guide
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| Raoh VS Wamuu | Captain America VS Rudol von Stroheim |
Guile VS Stroheim is a What-If? Fanon Death Battle featuring Street Fighter's American Soldier against JoJo's Nazi Cyborg.
Description[]
Its Video Games vs Anime/Manga! Shonen Jump vs Capcom!
The Patriotic American man from Street Fighter takes on JoJo's Nazi Cyborg Vampire Killer. Will the American defeat the Nazi and repeat history, or will Guile be defeated by the power of German science & engineering?
Interlude[]
(Cue Invader - Jim Johnston)
Wiz: Soldiers, there are many iconic soldiers throughout media. And fiction houses some of the most bizarre, strange, yet totally awesome soldiers.
Boomstick: But these two take the cake for most awesome soldiers in fiction with the same questionable hairstyle. Like the Sonic Booming, Guile from the Street Fighter franchise!
Wiz: And the Vampire Killing Nazi Cyborg; Rudol von Stroheim from JoJo Part 2: Battle Tendency.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And its our jobs to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to see who would win...A Death Battle.
Guile[]
(Cue Street Fighter 2 - Opening Theme Remix)
Wiz: When Guile was a trainee in the United States Air Force, he befriended his superior officer and asked him to teach him in his unique form of fighting. Guile learned the style, but his hot temper caused him to lack proficiency in the moves as while Guile needs both hands to fire a Sonic Boom when it should only take one. This man was Charlie Nash, who would later die to the hands of M. Bison.
Boomstick: Guile is a tough man, both physically and mentally, who takes pride in family, and is a loving husband and father to his family. A stoic man at heart, Guile's calm and emotionless exterior actually hides the rage within him after Charlie's death.
Wiz: Although loyal to the military and the United States, Major Guile is extremely persistent. He is so driven to find out who betrayed him in the jungles of Thailand, and to try and get at M. Bison, that he would even put that over his duties. Guile is an expert wrestler and soldier, knowing a surplus of tactical, grapples and submission moves and is able to skillfully use firearms but prefer to fight with his fists.
Boomstick: Guile himself is impressive. He was able to fight off against Juri who can easily destroy a building with her charged ki attacks, is stronger than Balrog who killed a fucking elephant, took from Juri's best attack and survived and survived against Vega.
Wiz: Guile is also able to create Sonic Booms, which can by definition are: "a common name for the loud noise that is created by the 'shock wave' produced by the air-plane that is traveling at speeds greater than that of sound (speed of sound is approximately 332 m/s or 1195 km/hr or 717 miles/hour)." This means that Guile's sonic boom can pack a force of shockwave that is created by a force that moves around or above the speed of sound crashing into an object.
(Cue Guile's Theme)
Boomstick: Aside from the Sonic Boom, which is a crescent-shaped wave of energy with a quick arm motion, Guile also knows the Flash Kick: In which he performs a backflip, kicking his opponent harshly as he does. The attack is almost instantaneous, and the arc of the kick leaves a flash in its wake. He can also make Sonic Hurricanes: where Guile unleashes a massive Sonic Boom which whirls in place directly in front of him, dealing significant damage to any foe caught in it.
Wiz: And let us not forget his Double Flash: where Guile performs a Flash Kick and continues with another Flash Kick that hits heavier as he follows up with an intermediate transitional kick with his adjacent leg as he flips forward. and his Flash Explosion: in which Guile crouches before proceeding to deliver a multi-hitting Flash Kick. And follows up with another multi-hitting Flash Kick.Finally finishing with a final, powerful Flash Kick.
Boomstick: Not to mention that Stroheim is totally a rip-off of Guile and that square chin!
Wiz: Well technically Street Fighter 2 came out in 1991 whereas Stroheim appeared around 1987-1988. Guile was a homage to Stroheim really. Funny how the most German man in existence was the inspiration for the most American man in existence.
Boomstick: SCREW YOU, 'MURICA FUCK YA! And that theme that goes with everything! Sing with me!
Wiz: But will the American soldier and family man triumph over the Nazi Cyborg?
Stroheim[]
(Cue JoJo Battle Tendency OST - Hike)
Wiz: Major Rudol von Stroheim was a loyal Nazi officer conducting experiments in the Mexican Desert to find a way to help Germany win World War 2. He is shown to be somewhat bizarre yet a very competent, prideful, and knowledgeable commander.
Boomstick: But like any experiment in fiction, it went totally not as planned as the thing they were experimenting was a Pillar Man who crawled into the tight air vents and killed all the scientists and soldiers leaving only Stroheim and a wheelchair Speedwagon.
Wiz: During this Joseph Joestar came to Stroheim and Speedwagon's rescue and fought off the Pillar Man, though Stroheim proved to be a useful ally in defeating the first Pillar Man by opening the door for sunlight to turn it to stone and then blowing himself up to save JoJo and humanity for a while.
Boomstick: After blowing himself up, he somehow survived as mainly an upper torso (but his head and neck seem to be the only living parts) thanks to the awesome powers of German science, medicine and engineering he became a colonel and a motherfucking vampire-slaying cyborg!
(Cue Stroheim's Theme)
Wiz: Stroheim became a mechanical Cyborg Super Soldier meant to stop Pillar Men and vampires. To accomplish such a task Stroheim was outfitted with a turret tank-busting abdominal heavy machine gun -where his stomach would be- that can fire 600 rounds per minute through a 30mm plate.
Boomstick: Aside from the abdominal cannon, Stroheim is also outfitted with a series of weapons as seen at the end of Part 2 in its epilogue where one can see a Luger P09, a Tommy Gun or a Suomi KP/-31, an Anti-Tank weapon, two machine guns: a Maschinengewehr 30(t) & a Maschinengewehr 34 or Maschinengewehr 08, and a semi-automatic pistol.
Wiz: But it doesn't end here, Stroheim is also equipped with a ultraviolet radiation laser beam eye that can hurt both humans and vampires alike, the beam itself is five times more intense than a set of typical ultraviolet lights and was able to pierce straight through Kars' hand. Stroheim is also able to apply around 27,375 psi which was enough to rip off Kars' hand and able to easily behead vampires, human beings and destroy golf/pool table balls alike.
Boomstick: As well he has two ultraviolet shoulder cannons. Stroheim is able to fire out powerful blasts of ultraviolet light from two flood lights located on each side of his shoulders. They can kill vampires instantly and blind humans for a moment.
Wiz: As miniaturized searchlights, they pack the same power as the original, but are light enough to carry with ease. Both the shoulder cannons and laser can be considered similar to plasma. Stroheim is even able to keep up with Kars for a significant amount of time and considering the fact that Kars utilizes attacks made of light and can teleport and move around FTL speeds as well. this makes Stroheim considerably at Supersonic speeds and reactions.
Boomstick: Everything mentioned combined with his projectile hand that can even knock Kars out of balance and the fact that he is a very exceptional athlete with jumping skills makes Stroheim able to destroy a city block and kill an elephant with ease.
Wiz: Thanks to his mostly mechanical body, if Stroheim is attacked in places other than mainly the head, he can keep on fighting the good fight until he either runs out of ammunition or is left in a situation where he can't escape. A faulty with him is his pride and cockiness.
Boomstick: Stroheim takes major pride in his country and worships his government and country like a religion. Stroheim is also cocky and overconfident over his country's superiority to others always remarking how "German science or engineering is the best in the world". However, when faced with danger he is proven to be a very helpful, effective fighter and ally.
Wiz: Stroheim is a true Übermensch, but will it be enough to take down the American soldier & family man? Well alright it looks like our combatants are set, time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: ITS TIME FOR A SOLDIER BATTLE!!!
Death Battle[]
*Pre-Fight*[]
(Cue JoJo Battle Tendency OST - Hike)
Stroheim is walking around in a Nazi military bunker under Thailand, overseeing a cargo ship full of vampire-killing weapons with several captured US veterans, spies, etc. as captives who were trying to infiltrate the bunker. Meanwhile, Guile is infiltrating the bunker to figure out who's housing the cargo of unknown weapons and what they are planning to do with it.
Guile silently drops down and knocks down three guards unconscious and notices they are not of Shadaloo nor do they seem to be with SIN. Guile quickly disregards this continues on towards finding some answers and perhaps finding out who betrayed him among the soldiers or hostages.
Guile proceeds to knock out several other guards and finally notices he should take a disguise but so far no one matches his size. Guile notices Stroheim over by a ledge and sees his uniform looks like a good fit, he then approaches Stroheim and jumps onto his neck to try to strangle him.
Stroheim is knocked out! Guile proceeds to try to take off Stroheim's clothing as a disguise when he notices the uniform...these are Nazis! Suddenly Stroheim awakens having pretended to be knocked out and shoves Guile over the ledge, Guile rolls to cushion his fall and faces towards Stroheim and both begin staring at each other.
*FIGHT!*[]
(Cue SF 25th Anniversary - Guile Theme)
Guile quickly finds a way back up and jumps in front of Stroheim trying to connect a Knee Bazooka to which Stroheim quickly steps aside and goes for a right hook aimed at Guile's face. Guile catches Stroheim's fist and connects a Guile High Kick which first makes contact with Stroheim's face.
The kick spins Stroheim around and forces off the ledge they were standing on. As Stroheim gets back up, he runs backwards then turns around towards Guile and then proceeds to do multiple jumps making it to Guile. However, before Stroheim could do anything he is knocked back by a Flash Kick.
As Stroheim is about to fall, Guile connects a Knee Bazooka to Stroheim's upper torso and uses his as a cushion for their fall. Guile gets up unharmed, but so does Stroheim.
Guile: "You seem pretty resilient and durable, you might be a challenge or just another obstacle..."
Stroheim simply grunts in response and charges at Guile. Guile keeps a steady stance as Stroheim approaches he swipes his two hands in the air, his arms creating a Sonic Boom. Stroheim manages to dodge it but the Sonic Boom hit some crates behind him causing them to fall but Stroheim destroys most of them and continues walking towards Guile.
Guile readies himself for whatever this man may have in store when Stroheim once again jumps towards Guile. Guile once again easily knocks off Stroheim by connecting another Flash Kick but this time when Stroheim fell to the ground he performed a sweep kick that knocked Guile off of his feet and knees him onto the ground.
Stroheim then began striking at Guile with punches. Guile manages to redirect some of Stroheim's punches causing them to damage the floor around Guile's head. Guile then does another Knee Bazooka and a Reverse Spin Kick to get Stroheim away from him.
(Cue Jojo's Bizarre Adventure Fan Music - Best In The World)
Stroheim stutters backwards from the attacks but regains his balance and takes out two pistols; a semi-automatic and a Luger. Guile quickly takes notices of the two pistols and swipes his arms once again creating another Sonic Boom to distract Stroheim.
Stroheim jumps over the Sonic Boom and in front of Guile with an annoyed look on his face and begins to fire, Guile manages to dodge the bullets and block some with the help of some floor tiles and crate pieces from the incidents earlier but several bullets manage to destroy most of his defenses.
Stroheim then flexes his shoulders causing a Tommy Gun (or more likely a Suomi KP/-31) to appear behind him and begins rapidly firing at Guile's direction. Guile manages to disperse most of the bullets with Sonic Booms and using several items around him.
Stroheim's relentless shooting cause smoke and a cloud of dust to appear giving Guile the opportunity to hit a Sonic Boom & Knee Bazooka sending Stroheim through the steel walls. As Stroheim gets up he is met with Guile holding his Tommy Gun, Luger, and semi-automatic pistol. Stroheim just laughs and then suddenly his stomach and chest opened up revealing an abdominal machine gun inside!
But before Stroheim could fire his abdominal weapon, he was hit with another Knee Bazooka, Flask Kick, Sonic Boom, and a Sonic Hurricane! the force of all the attacks sends Stroheim throw the roof of the bunker and outside into the airfield (that resembles Guile's stage from Street Fighter 2).
Guile appears up from launching himself with several of his techniques. Stroheim was already waiting for Guile and has two machine guns and two floodlights, for one shoulder each. Stroheim begins firing at Guile who quickly rolls over to some crates and a row of planes.
Stroheim then flexes his shoulders once again bringing out an Anti-Tank weapon! He then continues firing the machine guns and then begins firing the Anti-Tank weapon! Explosions, chaos, havoc, and destruction is all that remains in the airfield as well as a few planes, crates, and other vehicles and miscellaneous items. Guile is nowhere to be seen.
(Cue MvC3 OST - Taskmaster's Theme)
Guile: "Looking for me?"
Stroheim sees Guile inside a military cargo plane with a pilot. The plane that then hits Stroheim and begins to take off with Stroheim holding onto the nose of the plane. Guile and the pilot notices this and tries to do special maneuvers to shake Stroheim off. Stroheim doesn't budge but then jumps up and into the window shield and dropkicks Guile while the pilot continues on flying the plane.
Stroheim is then pushed away by Guile's Spin Back Knuckle and Step Kick. Stroheim still has his machine guns and Anti-Tank weapon out but the A-T weapon is out of ammo, Stroheim aims his machine guns and fires. The chaos inside the cargo plane is causing the pilot to mess up with flying the plane making the plane move sporadically.
This causes Stroheim to miss Guile and hit the cargo plane's walls and the cargo aboard the plane. Eventually a bullet made it into the pilot's head now causing the plane to spin out of control. Guile takes this as an opportunity to throw a beat down on Stroheim.
Guile grabs Stroheim's head and begins furiously punching it, Guile then performs a DDT, back breaker, neck-breaker and finishes it with a Knee Bazooka to the head. But Guile isn't done as he grabs a dazed Stroheim and connects his Sonic Hurricane once again.
Stroheim is sent flying to the cargo plane door making it open by pushing the button that opens the door causing both men to fall through and begin skydiving.
(Cue SFxTK OST - Cross Assault Theme)
However, Guile is still not finished and prepares his Flash Explosion, Guile connects two Flash Kicks and a final kick that has Guile standing on top of Stroheim's back. As they hit the ground a great cloud of dust appears beneath them.
(Cue Aldnoah.Zero OST - MKAlieZ)
Guile is still standing but tired and bloody from the whole fight and the landing, the cargo plane crashes in the background as Guile walks away from a legless and what seems to be a short-circuiting Stroheim.
Suddenly a hand is shot at Guile's side, Stroheim is still alive! Stroheim ejects himself into the air and lights up his UV floodlights blinding Guile for a while. Stroheim then lands onto Guile's back, Guile rubs his eyes and tries to grab Stroheim, which the Nazi Cyborg retaliates by breaking Guile's fingers, hands, and arms.
Stroheim re-attaches his hand and applies the pressure and strength left in his hands into punching Guile. Stroheim punches Guile's nose making it break beyond recognition, he then aims for his cheeks and breaks his cheekbones. Stroheim then aims his punches around Guile's back causing him to slouch over and begins messing up his American opponent's whole face and upper body.
Stroheim starts holding down Guile and fires his UV eye laser directly at Guile's face to which Guile responds with picking up a piece of metal as a shield. The laser begins cutting through Guile's shield like a bullet through paper.
Guile then manages to punch Stroheim off and struggles to regain his strength and stand back up but Stroheim begins to squeeze and crush several of Guile's joints such as his elbows, shoulders, and legs and then applies all that pressure straight into Guile's head and begins firing his UV eye laser directed at Guile's forehead.
The laser cuts through Guile's forehead and manages to cleanly shoot and cut through his eyes and the rest of his head as Guile's head is then crushed by the great amounts of pressure and strength from Stroheim's hands.
*K.O!*[]
Stroheim throws Guile's head and body away as he crawls over to his mechanics and medics to repair him as Stroheim is ready to head out to back to Switzerland and confront Joseph and Kars.
Results[]
(Cue Stroheim's Theme)
Boomstick: Holy shit, that was no way to go for the American family man.
Wiz: Honestly, while Guile would put up a good fight and would be leading most of the fight, he was outmatched by Stroheim. Stroheim is designed to go against Super-humans such as the Pillar Men and vampires with his grip and strength of 27,375 psi he could easily kill Guile if he wanted too.
Boomstick: However thanks to Guile's speed, close-ranged attacks and city block durability and strength he could occupy and hold his own against Stroheim well. But Stroheim had several things Guile didn't, and that was guns. Stroheim is just loaded with them and while Guile is a regular bullet-timer, he is still at a disadvantage against Stroheim's three machine guns and his Anti-Tank weapon.
Wiz: Stroheim could also shoot his hand as a projectile at high speeds, Stroheim also had his UV weapons; though designed to kill mainly vampires the floodlights can still blind humans and the laser can work like a constantly firing consistent bullet.
Boomstick: Stroheim overall was a long to medium ranged fighter with amazing durability and stamina thanks to being a cyborg, but even as a human he had a shitton of stamina and was durable as hell. Guile's durability & stamina is impressive; being able to tanks hits from Chun Li (who destroyed a forest), Juri with charged ki (which destroyed buildings) and Balrog (who could kill an elephant) but thanks to being a cyborg, Stroheim and Guile are near equal. Stroheim has survived falling onto the ground from a crashing plane that went into a volcano.
Wiz: Stroheim would go home into the Fatherlands, whereas Guile succumbed to a true Übermensch. The winner is Rudol von Stroheim
Polls[]
Advantages & Disadvantages[]
Guile[]
+Close-Ranged specialist
+Move set is great for combos and juggling his opponent
+Knowledgeable in wrestling tactics
+Bullet timer
=Equal in experience
=Equal in Durability
=Equal in Destructive capability
-Still human
-Will never use a gun
Stroheim[]
+Possible near infinite Stamina
+Greater in Strength
+Large arsenal of weapons
+Laser Eye can cut through anything
+Can keep up with attacks made of light
+Has meet opponents deadlier than Guile
=Equal in Experience
=Equal in Durability
=Equal in Destructive capability
-Head is still vulnerable