Gremlins VS Velociraptors is 7494pinguisback20's third what-if? death battle and his third battle of his first season. It pits the Gremlins and the velociraptors from Jurassic Park together.
Descripton[]
Which monster will prevail in this Speilberg showdown?
Interlude[]
(Cue Jim Johnston - Invader)
Wiz : Steven Speilberg. Known to many as the creator of Jurassic Park, E.T, and various other movies. His films can't be completed without the deadly forces known as movie monsters.
Boomstick : And these guys are no exception! Like the gremlins, the hard-partying mutant pests!
Wiz : And the velociraptors, the fastest predators in Jurassic Park.
Boomstick : He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz : And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to figure out who would win a death battle.
Gremlins[]
(Cue Gremlins 2 credits theme)
Wiz : It's 1984 on the Christmas holiday season. Billy Peltzer was an ordinary guy who had a decent life. Untill his parents gave him a present that would change his life.
Boomstick : It was a pet, and not just any pet like his dog, it was a Mogwai! The only rules were that you couldn't expose it to sunlight, get it wet, or feed it after midnight. why are they're so strict?!? they can't take a bath for God's sake!
Wiz : Well, you see Boomstick, direct exposure to the sun would kill them, and getting them wet would spawn more Mogwais. However, the third rule was the most crucial of them all, and Billy broke it.
Boomstick : Why was it important? Because if they ate after midnight, they become more clever, mischevious, and uglier! Eugh, they look like scaly monkeys!
Wiz : When this rule is broken, the Mogwais then become the creatures known to many as Gremlins.
Wiz : These monsters have simply one goal : To mess around with the civillians of Kingston Falls and party like madmen after taking their property.
Boomstick : With their crazy antics and lack of any sanity whatsoever, these little guys surely gained their reputation as the most dangerous critters Kingston Falls has ever seen! But... How do they do it?
Wiz : Good question. You see, they retain the abilities of their Mogwai forms in this state, being capable of duplicating when getting wet. For a few drops, they can spawn about a few of their kind. But for diving in a large body of water like a lake or a pool, they may be able to create a whole army of their own kind.
Boomstick : Like we said before, these guys are smart as hell, despite their lack of sanity! Why else did you think they would be able to watch Snow White in a movie theater? Their motives are basically driven by their wacky and cartoonish antics! Heck, they can even jump into different movies and break the fourth wall by killing someone giving a bad review of their movie!
Wiz : Another thing to note is their physical strength and speed. One gremlin alone can break holes in walls to roam within them. They also seem to leap quickly from long distances, most notably from shadows. One gremlin even ate corn so fast he made after images. A group of them was even able to kill a full-fledged man without leaving a trace.
Boomstick : But what if we told you that these fellas don't go alone? Meet Stripe, the mohawked gremlin leader!
Wiz : Stripe is the head of all the gremlins, being much deadlier, stronger and smarter than the others. He was even capable of playing poker with a human once.
Boomstick : And that's not all, they can aid themselves with whatever they find and use them as weapons, like GUNS?!? These guys are closer to us than we thought!
Wiz : Not only that, but laboratory substances as well. To name a few of their abilities, the bat Gremlin can fly, the brain Gremlin is far smarter than every other member of the species, and the electric Gremlin is made purely of raw electric energy.
Boomstick : How do these demon monkeys get a weakness?
Wiz : Unfortunately, with their cunning intelligence, strength and insanity comes a few weaknesses. They are weak to sunlight, meaning that they either roam indoors or at nighttime.
Boomstick : But what about the time they found genetic sunscreen? Can that be considered like a counter for it?
Wiz : Yeeeah, in a way, but they are also extremely vulnerable when making more gremlins, as the process of duplication is often painful.
Boomstick : They even got intimidated by HULK HOGAN HIMSELF! Jeez, what babies.
Wiz : But still, you do NOT want to feed Mogwais after midnight, because these guys might just be larger pests.
Cue a theater full of gremlins singing a part of Snow White's Heigh Ho.
Velociraptors[]
(Cue Jurassic Park theme)
Wiz : On a distant island known as Isla Nublar, a grandeque sight awaits it's next visitors : Jurassic Park. One of the largest zoos on Earth that is inhabited by genetically cloned dinosaurs.
Boomstick : And then Jurassic World came along, turned it into a zoo-amusement park hybrid, and was destroyed by a volcano eruption much later! Man, the people who run the place take terrible care of it for people who want to preserve the majestic prehistoric reptiles!
Wiz : This park is home to many species of dinosaurs, most notably the Brachiosaurus, triceratops, and one of the most famous predators, the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Boomstick : But we're not focusing on that lizard, in fact, the dinosaur we're covering is much faster and intelligent than most of them! Say hello to the the velociraptor!
Wiz : The velociraptors are known as some of the deadliest carnivores in the Jurassic Park franchise. Their crafitiness and predatory skills make them memorable threats to humans and prey alike.
Boomstick : These oversized lizards had their DNA used to create the much more deadlier Indominus Rex and Indoraptor! ... The latter of which being a bit redundant since you used raptor DNA twice.
Wiz : These kinds of dinosaurs were capable of travelling and hunting in packs, making them work together as teams. In addition to this, the raptors are capable of communication, sending short roars to one another like encrypted messages.
Boomstick : So they have their own language? Man, I wish I was able to speak raptor!
Wiz : Well, getting on to their skills, raptors have been known to run at alarming speeds of up to 40 miles per hour at a maximum. They are also really sly, capable of escaping a locked room and opening it's door as well.
Boomstick : They have three claws on each of their hands, and sickle toes to pierce their foes from below, helping them climb on top of their prey! And not only that, they can also use heir tail to smack their foes however they like!
Wiz : These dinosaurs also have experience with stealth. Using this, they can crouch down to hide from their foes, and move so slowly and carefully that they can make little to no noise at all, helping them catch their opponents and prey off guard. This means that despite their size and weight, they are masters of sneaking around.
Boomstick : Seriously, these raptors are almost as tall as we are, with a mass around 15 to 33 pounds!
Wiz : Unfortunately, these predators come with a few weaknesses. For example, their bite. While seemingly deadly at first glance, this jaw is actually short and relatively weak They can also be intimidated by size, being unable to hunt down larger herbivores like an apatosaurus.
Boomstick : And don't forget the time when a velociraptor did THIS!
A velociraptor hits itself on kitchen metal after running towards it.
Wiz : Oh... Despite a raptor's cunning intelligence, they can easily be outsmarted. If their prey is hiding somewhere and is constantly switching spots while doing so, they may have a hard time finding it. The raptors can also be fooled by angled reflections, like when it targeted Lex.
Boomstick : Being a slight dummy aside, these don't stop the raptors from being one of the deadliest predators you don't want to agitate!
"Timmy, what is it?"
"It's a velociraptor..."
Intermission[]
Wiz : Alright, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick : IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Prologue[]
It was a dark night in Jurassic Park. A horde of velociraptors were on pursuit of several humans trying to escape Isla Nublar. Two of them were sneakily roaming around the kitchen, trying to find Lex and Tim. However, instead of pursuing her the moment she intentionally blew her cover, they began to hear something inside the visitor's center. It seemed a lot more wild and rowdy compared to the foreboding essence they gave off in the kitchen to the two kids. Speaking of which, they too were confused by this noise.
Raptors : "Kyoup, kyoup!" "Haaauuugh!"
The raptors then decided to investigate what was making the rowdiness inside the visitors center. The rowdiness in the center must've been pretty loud given that the other raptors began to notice this as well.
Unfortunately for the humans, this meant the park was in greater danger. Inside the visitor's center was a bunch of demonic, scaly monkeys with big ears having a good ol' time, drinking bottles of soda, playing with puppets, fooling around on the dinosaur skeletons untill some of the pieces fell down, and playing games with each other, laughing, singing and overall having an insanely joyful time together. Unbeknownst to them, though, they would get some uninvited guests...
A few velociraptors, like up to 6 with many more behind them or going through the other doors, barged into the visitor's center and let out a shreik in unison. The gremlin party soon came to a screeching halt, the music stopping abruptly and the guests temporarily freezing in place, one of which dropped a glass of soda to the floor.
Raptors : "REEEEEAARRRGH!!!" "Hrrrrrrrrrrgh..."
All of a sudden, the gremlins turned towards their leader, stripe, who stood alone in a table that spontaneously came into existence in the party, with a few poker cards in his hand. Soon enough, they all got behind or close enough to him, ready to charge.
Stripe : "Lizards... caca!.."
(Cue Feed My Frankenstein) (0:14)
The two groups glared their eyes intensely at one another, about to duel with one another. Then in one fell swoop, they both charged at each other.
Raptors : "SKREEEEEEEAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
Gremlins : "YIEHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"FIGHT!"[]
(0:19 kicks in)
The raptors and gremlins started hacking, leaping and slashing at one another, with the gremlins jumping onto their backs and riding them like bulls or horses and the raptors using the direct approach, jumping on their bodies and trying to bite and slash their body. Stripe leaped onto the T-rex skeleton and pulled out an old pistol from behind his back. With this weapon, he began to shoot several of the raptors, giving them hard wounds and stunning them whenever he landed the bullets anywhere on the legs.
One of the raptors saw Stripe shooting from above and decided to leap at him, breaking part of the T-Rex skeleton in the proccess. The mutant ape evaded the pounce and ran across the room and outside the center. The raptors continued to slash at the gremlins, some throwing them to the wall and some slashing on top of them, putting their weight on the smaller ones. One gremlin even died by a raptor slashing it.
Meanwhile outside the center, Stripe turned back towards the doors as the raptor he was chased by bust through the doors and ran for him. He shot it a few times, but only one bullet hit, which was on the arm. The rest the lizard evaded by running to the side and ducking. The raptor then pounced on him, but Stripe jumped far away from it. Suddenly, he noticed the lake laying right next to him. He began to get an idea... Stripe put his whole hand inside the water, risking a slightly painful duplication proccess. The raptor tried to run towards him with increasing speed as he drew closer, attempting another clawout on Stripe, but as soon as it could land a blow, four more gremlins were spawned from Stripe and leaped onto the lizard. They began clawing and punching the raptor until it was nothing but a corpse with barely any flesh.
Stripe : "LIZARDS CACA!"
Spawned Gremlins : "YAAAAAHYEHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The newly spawned gremlins then laughed in excitement as they prepared for a comeback against the raptors. Stripe then put his whole arm into the lake, about to spawn much more gremlins.
Inside the center, a few of the scaly mutants were killed, but a decent amount still remain, giving the raptors relative wounds as much as they were given in return. However, they both looked towards the door, the raptors in alarm, the gremlins in relief. As soon as they knew it, fifteen more gremlins spewed through the door and towards the lizards. "How did these things outnumber these dinosaurs?!?" a human watching this would say. The lizards then leaped out at the new gremlins while the others stayed back and fought the older ones, with the new gremlins giving them a slightly harder time. Just then, four new raptors barged in to counter the vast number of mutant mogwais.
Then, the gremlins started to run outside, leading the raptors to a different battlefield. Some even began to ride on toy cars or tiny monster trucks that they didn't bother to get in the driver's seat for since they sat on the roofs. Stripe rode a motorcycle, presumably stolen or grabbed out of thin air in the far side of the chase.
Raptors : "HAAUUUAAAAAGH!"
Gremlins : "CAKE-O! HYEHEHE!"
One gremlin running on legs pulled out a cake and threw it at a raptor's face, blinding it and causing it to bump into it's other kin. The crazed monsters breifly laughed at the outcome as they kept on running. However, the raptors got back up and started to stampede faster towards the mutant apes.
Stripe decided to shoot the raptors again, but his pistol was empty, so he searched throughout his spontaneous pocket for another weapon. Meanwhile a gremlin on a toy truck threw a cluster of banana peels on the ground, causing the horde of raptors to stumble and fall.
Raptors : "HAAUUUUGH!" "RHEEEEEAAAAH!" "REAAAAAAAUUUGH!"
Gremlins : "HYEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The gremlin horde managed to escape somewhere, leaving the raptors temporarily stunted by the banana peels on the ground. However, they decided to go back up and run after them again, this time in the same direction as their hiding place.
The gremlins arrived at a lake, and Stripe had the same idea again : to make much more gremlins to outnumber the raptors like exterminators towards cockroaches. He dipped his legs in the lake and began to make more duplicates. Soon enough, four more gremlins did the same. Soon enough, their army would surely overpower them.
The raptors stopped in their place and looked around, wondering what that sound that they began to hear was. What was it to them? A stampede of triceratops, a T-Rex coming their way, an earthquake? They didn't know, so they began to communicate.
Raptors : "Kyoup, kyeoup!" "Hrraaaaaaagh." "Kyoup, Kyough kyoup!" "Huuuaaa-"
Gremlins : "HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
(Cue Party Party Party)
Raptors : "HREEAH?!?"
The raptors looked back and were absolutely astonished by what they saw... a whole army of gremlins maniacally charging towards them just as fast as even the raptors THEMSELVES could! Some of them were even riding on the miniature vehicles that they were driving as well. The raptor team tried to pounce on a few of the mutant monkeys, but they ended up being mauled into bones in mere seconds by a few of them.
The remainder of the raptors began to run from these pests as fast as they could, but their speed turned out to be even at the moment. Stripe came in with his motorcyle from the side again and shot at the raptors, this time with... an AK-47?!? Must've grabbed it from his pocket that came up earlier.
Stripe shot it on the ground infront of the raptors, startling them and making them run slower a bit. Some of them tried to resist the gunfires, but one of the raptors eventually got a bullet on it's sickle toe, making it yelp in slight pain. Stripe then shot two of the raptors down with his new gun, lessening the raptor army, but eventually, much more raptors came from the sides of the forest to fight with the remaining pack as well. There must've been about ten of them appearing on each side of the chase! However, they would see which army would stand above the other soon enough.
One of the gremlins grabbed out a pack of TNT and threw it at one of the appearing groups, annihilating them in flames and putting part of the forest on fire. Another pulled out a flashbang and threw it at the left side, causing the raptors to be blinded and bump into each other. However, they were left alive, meaning they would be left behind to fight the gremlins that caught them.
Just as the running raptors thought they were safe, they were caught off guard. In the distance, two of the gremlins were chainsawing two trees down, causing them to timber on the path that the raptors were running in. When they reached the trees, they tripped over it and tumbled a decent distance before looking back. They had no other choice but to fight the gremlins for their lives. They decided to charge at them one last time in the hopes that they would continue their prehistoric lifestyle.
Raptors : "HREEEEEYYYEEGH!!! HAAAAAAUUUUUUUUAAAAIIGH!!!"
Gremlins : "HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, HYAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
The battle began going down in the woods, with the raptors trying to maul the mutants and the gremlins bodying the lizards. However, the former was having a very hard time trying to kick some butt.
One gremlin was riding one of the speedy theives like a bull-riding attraction while two others punched and kicked it, distracting it from attacking one or the other. One gremlin smacked a raptor two times in the face before doing a Crash-esque cyclone spin on it, hitting it five times with his fists. Another gremlin grabbed two electric wires from it's back and leaped onto a raptor, shoving them in it's eyes and electrocuting it while it shrieked in pain. One gremlin even challenged a raptor into a hot-dog eating contest where the raptor was eating naturally, but it's competitor was eating so fast that the pile was gone in six seconds, declaring him the winner and mauling the raptor to death.
With a wide arsenal of weapons and almost endless possibilities for wacky antics, the gremlins depleted the huge raptor pack one by one. However, the pack was eventually narrowed down to one last raptor. The gremlins, along with Stripe, then circled the not-so-speedy theif with maniacal intent, about to mess with it in it's final minutes.
(Cue Get Ready To Die)
The raptor felt intimidated for a few moments, but then it tried lunging at Stripe. Once it became close enough though, he simply punched it in the chest with an uppercut, sending it flying to a crowd of gremlins. They then punted the lizard back and forth like a volleyball, giving the lizard no chance to lash out at either one of the small but surprisingly strong critters. And whenever he did try to lash out at them with his arms or mouth, a few of them punched them in the direction to other mutant mogwais, as if they loved messing with them.
Stripe : "Lizard... CACAAAAAA!!!"
The gremlins then surrounded the velociraptor as if Stripe's yelling was a command, beating up the lizard with their fists, feet, claws and heads, which were mostly just headbutts. The distressed dinosaur roared in pain and agony as he was being beaten. Then, the crowd then swiftly threw the raptor high up in the sky, almost as high as a waterfall!
Raptor : "HRAAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA-"
The raptor's cry, and it's life were cut short as Stripe gunned it down in the sky with his AK-47 as a finishing touch to the murder party, as if it was a Mortal Kombat finisher or a trapping final smash. Once the dead body dit the ground as a disfigured lump of flesh and blood, the gremlins looked at each other and got out party hats. The setting around the corpse became nothing but a celebratory party for the gremlins' victory.
They all laughed, played, sang and thrashed around like the party animals just like they were back in the visitor's center.
K.O![]
The gremlins were partying like usual on the left frame. The dead velociraptor corpse in the right, however, in the middle of said party laid there, decayed with flies hovering around it.
Results[]
(Cue Gremlin rag)
Boomstick : Holy shit! Those pests weren't able to be controlled! Anyways, the raptors seemed to have their advantage using their sharp claws, larger size, speed and weight to fight back, but that's about it! The gremlins friggin' outclassed these raptors in everything else!
Wiz : Not only were they able to maul a human down with their claws, Mohawk, the reincarnated Stripe from the second movie punched a human down in one blow. Only one gremlin did that, meaning they have a chance to face the raptors alone.
Boomstick : But they apparently had no need for primal combat! Not only can they duplicate with water, but they can use whatever they pleased after pulling them out of their backs!
Wiz : In fact, the gremlins were shown to have far more toon force than the velociraptors, going as far as to break the fourth wall. While the raptors stayed in-universe throughout the entirety of both Jurassic Park and World, one gremlin killed a man who was giving a bad review of their film. These critters were also able to jump into different movies and entering their worlds.
Boomstick : So THAT'S why the battle took place during the first movie!
Wiz : It should also be noted that they can react differently to pain. While the raptors were shot by guns and tranquilizers and breifly lunged for their attacker before being put down, the gremlins can withstand the pain of gunshots to their gut. However, when they realize they have bullet holes, all they do will just laugh out the pain.
Boomstick : However, they don't have that much insanity! Look, these fellas are deadly smart too, capable of using weapons and even the battlefield itself to it's advantage! Stripe used guns to kill the raptors quicker and two gremlins cut down a tree to TRIP THE RAPTORS! Man, those mischievous monsters never change!
Wiz : While the raptors were fast, large and aggressive, the gremlins' teamwork, human-like intelligence and sheer toon force won this bout.
Boomstick : Turns out that the velociraptors were just too slow to postpone their extinction!
Wiz : The winners are the gremlins.
Next time[]
Boomstick : Next tiiiiime on death battle!
The setting is shrouded in total darkness. only breif lights showed the combatants' silhouettes. One combatant was a reptilian creature walking slowly to the right, the other figure had a flaming glove full of lava in it's hand. The former had yellow eerie eyes staring at it's opponent, the other had a green, glowing conjoined field of vison on it's visor. Just then, then two large figures lashed out at each other.
"SKREEAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAGH!!!"
"HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, HUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"
As they were about to collide, their silhouettes were revealed. One of them was a large, alien dragon with a head similar to that of a pterodactyl, and the other was an equally large magma-fisted destroyer with lightning bolts on it's head.