Description[]
Two fan made, neurotic, and irritable versions of everyone’s favorite silent protagonist from the Half Life franchise are here to duke it out in a one on one gun fight! Will Freeman live to make it to his gold storage in Massachusetts, or will Gordon manage to win this even without his passport?
Interlude[]
{Now Playing: Death Battle: Wiz and Boomstick}
Wiz: Fan projects; labors of love that can only hope to one day surpass their original inspiration and manage to harbor a fan base all their own!
Boomstick: And if these two series don’t fit that description, then I don’t know what does
Wiz: Freeman’s Mind, by Accursed Farms
Boomstick: And Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware, by WayneradioTV
Wiz: Due to the fact that both of the combatants have the same name, and to ensure that there’s no confusion throughout the episode, we will be referring to HLVRAI’s protagonist as Gordon, and Freeman’s Mind’s protagonist as Freeman.
Boomstick: Also, we’ll only be focusing on the original series for their feats, meaning no Payday 2 stream for Gordon
Wiz: And no April Fools or Half-Life 2 episodes for Freeman
Boomstick: He’s Wiz, and I’m Boomstick
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… A Death Battle!
Freeman Thinks Everyone is out to get him on Death Battle[]
{Now Playing: Military Precision}
Wiz: We all know of the story of the underdog, rising up from the bottom to save the day…
Boomstick: But this guy? It’s pretty damn hard to say he has any intention of living up to any of that
Wiz: Right you are, Boomstick! Freeman is far from the model of what you’d expect from a hero, though he’d certainly beg to disagree about anything that paints him as anything less than a pariah
Boomstick: You can say that again, this guy’s got one hell of an ego on him, and he’s got it from long before he needed to start going John McClane on all the aliens and soldiers invading Black Mesa.
Wiz: Not to mention how he seems to think everything and everything is out to get him, constantly, with him almost non stop accusing fellow scientists and security guards throughout Black Mesa of conspiring against him.
Boomstick: Though that’s not to say that he’s all bark and no bite, given the fact that he was able to take down dozens of highly trained soldiers, and close to hundred of aliens from Xen
Wiz: And he wouldn’t have been able to do it without his weapons!
Boomstick: Heh, this is where I come in! Of course he has the iconic crowbar, no Gordon Freeman is Gordon Freeman without it! But Freeman here tends to let his guns do the talking waaaaaay more than getting up close and personal. Especially with guns like his SMG with an attached grenade launcher, based on the Heckler & Koch MP5, his semi-automatic assault shotgun, based off of the Franchi SPAS-12 shotgun. Plus he can hold onto up to ten frag grenades at a time
Wiz: But those aren’t even Freeman’s most powerful weapons! Such as his tau and gluon guns. Though he tends to avoid using them due to how bulky and heavy they are…
Boomstick: And last, but sure as hell not least, is his mother fuckin’ rocket launcher based on the Armburst rocket launcher, able to fire off those beautiful rockets at a muzzle speed of about 210 meters per second.
Wiz: Though, even with such a powerful arsenal, Freeman is far from invincible
Boomstick: Yeah, something he seems completely and entirely unaware of given how highly he views himself.
Wiz: Exactly, Freeman’s ego is absolutely his biggest weakness, seeming entirely confident that others are always out to get him.
Boomstick: Well either that, or worship him like he’s the second coming.
Wiz: But at the end of the day he still managed to trudge through Black Mesa on one of the worst days of his life to take down the Nihilanth… even if he were wishing he were doing anything but.
"You're either with me, or I'm going to have to kill you! So pick a side!"
Gordon forgot his passport for Death Battle![]
{Now Playing: Hurricane Strings}
Wiz: It was just like any other day for theoretical physicist Dr. Gordon Freeman
Boomstick: Or at least it was until he heard one sentence that would haunt his nightmares for the rest of his days
{Now Playing Dr. Coomer's Bumpin' Mix}
Wiz: That was Benrey, the first of a few absurdly intelligent AIs stuffed into this now twenty-five year old video game
Boomstick: Yeah, let’s get this little fact outta the way now. Y’see Gordon, isn’t technically the main character in this story, instead it’s uhh… the guy playin’ him.
Wiz: Exactly, see Valve was testing out a new version Half-Life 1 which ran in VR, and had heavily souped up AI for a handful of the scientist NPCs, a security guard NPC, and a Soldier NPC
Boomstick: And the freakin’ G-man too, of course! Cause obviously nothing could possibly go wrong making a fictional god-like being sentient.
Wiz: Though luckily, or perhaps unluckily, it wasn’t the G-man who developed sentience to the point where it became an issue, instead it was the security guard, Benrey.
Boomstick: And poor Gordon was stuck dealing with his antics for a looooong ass time.
Wiz: While that is correct Boomstick, Benrey wasn’t the only NPC Gordon had the ‘pleasure’ of saving Black Mesa with. He was also joined with Tommy, Bubby, and–
???: Ah, hello gentlemen!
Boomstick: GAHH!! WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!
Wiz: *Sigh* That would be the last of Gordon’s compatriots though the Black Mesa facility, Dr. Coomer who, as I’m sure you can guess, has knowledge of the fact that he lives inside of a video game.
Boomstick: Oh, great! Another fucking Deadpool…
Dr. Coomer: Deadpool is a character appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. Created by Fabian Nicieza and Rob Liefeld, the character first appeared in New Mutants #98 (December 1990). In his comic book appearances, Deadpool–
(As Dr. Coomer repeats the wikipedia article for Deadpool, Wiz reaches into a pocket on his lab coat and pulls out a TV remote to mute Coomer with)
Wiz: Ahem, moving on… Godon worked alongside many allies during his trek through the consequences of the resonance cascade, but he also fought against many unique foes as well.
Boomstick: Foes like Benrey, prototypes of his friend Bubby, clones of Coomer, the lovingly named Helicopter Heap, and Forzen the last living member of the US military?! What the fuck?!
Wiz: While it is true that multiple characters do say that they’ve wiped out quote “all of the United states military” it’s highly unlikely that this is the case, given that even at the time of the original Half-Life’s release the total number of people enrolled in the US military was closer to about 1.4 million compared to the around 200 or so soldier enemies that were in the original game. So, my guess is that the AI are referring to the fact that Forzen was the final soldier enemy in the game.
Boomstick: Ah, well it’s still badass that they managed to take down so many soldiers!
Wiz: Though that’s not to say they didn’t have any setbacks. See, Benrey managed to trick Gordon into an ambush at the hands of said soldiers, and to be left for dead at the hands of the soldiers who… well…
{Gordon getting his hand cut off}
Boomstick: Bah! Who needs a hand, when you can get a cool ass minigun hand instead!
Wiz: Given to him in the form of a potion by Darnold from the ‘mixology department’ of Black Mesa, after drinking it Gordon’s hand regrew into a strange fleshy literal hand gun capable of firing off Gordon’s fingernails at insanely high speeds making them be able to tear through both soldier and alien alike.
Boomstick: And that’s not even the most impressive part of it! By quote on quote ‘pressing all buttons’ Gordon’s able to activate Devil Gun Mode, allowing his already incredibly powerful minigun to mow down absolutely any poor bastard stupid enough to get in his way.
Wiz: And with that power Gordon managed to take down Benrey once and for all, made it to the ultimate birthday bash at the end of the world, and beat the video game, with the only question remaining being what’ll happen to the science team now that the game is over?
(Gordon destroying his Passport with Devil Gun Mode)
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright! The combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities!
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!
The Fight[]
(Location: Teleportation labs in Black Mesa)
Gordon and the rest of the science team walk down one of the many long halls of the Black Mesa facility, with them all talking amongst themselves while Gordon himself leads the other four, cradling his minigun arm in his other hand, with the weight of the still newly grown weapon feeling somewhat unfamiliar to him still.
Suddenly all the chatter silences as Gordon shushes them, hearing an unfamiliar voice rounding the corner towards them.
“Stupid fucking soldiers, you’d think they’d learn not to shoot at me by this point-!”
To Gordon’s, and only Gordon’s surprise, he’s faced with an almost identical version of himself save for the fact that the other him still has his right hand. The two Gordon Freemans face each other, with obvious confusion growing on their faces.
“Who the hell are you?!” Both the scientists shout in unison, raising their guns towards each other, with Freeman aiming his shotgun directly at Gordon’s face, and Gordon doing the same with his minigun.
“Oh, I get it, those dumbasses in biological research thought it’d be funny to fucking clone me, isn’t that right?!” Freeman reasons to himself as he racks his shotgun, “And now you’re looking to replace me and take over my like like some kinda body snatcher! Well tough shit! ‘Cause I’m not goin’ down easy!!”
Just as Gordon’s about to question what the hell he’s talking about, a shotgun shell is fired at him, with the pellets clanging against his HEV suit as he dives for cover behind a nearby wooden storage crate. “Dude! What is your problem?!” Gordon calls out, his back pressed up against the wooden crate as he pokes his minigun out just enough to fire back at Freeman.
“Don’t play stupid! I should’ve known they’d try and clone me one of these days! I just didn’t think-” he pauses as he fires off a spray of bullets from his SMG, the bullets doing little to affect Gordon thanks to the barrier between the two of them. “-That a clone of me would be so stupid as to let a bunch of lesser scientist follow him around!”
“Ugh- Guys! I could use some help here!” Gordon calls out looking towards the science team, as the four of them all stand by being as unhelpful as possible.
“You’ve got this Gordon, I’ve seen the analysis Wizard and Boomstick did!” Dr. Coomer calls out dismissively as he watches Tommy play with a beyblade.
“WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” Gordon yells over the sound of his minigun firing off in the vague direction of Freeman. Realizing that they weren’t going to be the least bit of help Gordon stands, resting his elbow on the crate in order to get a better angle on attacking Freeman
Only to be met with a grenade flying towards his face.
“Take that you body snatching asshole!” Freeman calls out as he lobs a grenade towards the crate his ‘clone’ was hiding behind, taking a brief moment to reload his submachine gun while the other him probably screams in pain and anguish from a grenade blowing off all of his limbs. At least that's what he assumes anyway.
However when he pops back up to finish Gordon off he’s met with one hell of a surprise, that surprise being the other him sprinting towards him at full speed, yelling out “Gordon sprint!” And firing off round after round from that weird gun he’s got attached to his hand, that Freeman’s never seen before.
Before he can even properly react Freeman feels himself being hit full force in the chest with the weapon and being flung back towards the end of the hallway like some sort of ragdoll, colliding with the wall roughly and letting out a winded “Oof-!” With him just barely managing to fire off yet another round of his SMG ammo into Gordon’s chest, while Gordon does the same thing with his minigun.
The gun fire continues to go off for a few long seconds as both men scream in each other's faces. That is until…
Click click click…
Freeman runs out of ammo, and lets out a string of curses as Gordon notices the exact same thing and stops firing just long enough to whip the side of Freeman’s face with his gun, sending him tumbling backwards. Freeman just barely manages to stop himself from falling down completely, and uses the momentum to allow himself to lunge towards Gordon with as much strength as he can sending the both of them hurtling through a nearby window as well as a large floating portal, teleporting the both of them to an entirely separate part of the facility with a bright flash of light.
As both men fall through the other side of the portal, both somewhat disoriented, Gordon manages to pick himself up, with his left hand pinching the bridge of his nose as he mumbles to himself about the crazy shit that's constantly occurring around him.
“Urg- fuck-! That made me dizzy, hold on-!” Freeman groans as he stumbles to his feet, which is met with the answer of yet another smack to the side of his face with Gordon’s minigun sending him to the ground for the final time as Gordon begins charging up Devil Gun Mode, aiming directly for Freeman’s head.
As steam begins to come off of his hand and it begins to turn a definitely unhealthy shade of red Freeman shouts “Hell no!” As his fingernails shred through Freeman's head and leave him as nothing more than yet another pulpy red smear on the floors of the Black Mesa facility.
K.O.
Results and Analysis[]
Boomstick: Ew, cleanup on aisle Freeman!
Wiz: Unsurprisingly for a match-up like this, this was an incredibly close fight.
Boomstick: You can say that again, hard for two guys who went through the exact same shit to not be practically equal in terms of feats.
Wiz: Which is why we needed to look at specific moments of what each of them did, that the other didn’t. And in terms of said differences?
Boomstick: Gordon had Freeman beat by miles!
Gordon
- Benrey
- Coomer boss fight
- Helicopter Heap
- Bubby Prototypes
Freeman
- Nihilanth
Wiz: Exactly! Between the unique opponents the both of them faced, Gordon’s were stronger by FAR
Boomstick: Especially given the fact that Benrey basically deleted the Nihilanth from the game and replaced him as a stronger boss
Wiz: And even though Gordon was almost never alone when fighting these opponents-
Boomstick: Hell, the others did most of the fighting for about half of them-
Wiz: He was present the whole time when fighting every single one of them, and even fought against the Bubby prototypes all on his own.
Boomstick: Looks like Gordon really blew Freeman’s Mind!
Dr Coomer: The winner was- Ah, hello Gordon!
Gordon
+Better at adapting to surprising challenges
+Devil Gun Mode
+Tends to treat fights more seriously
-Less varied arsenal
-Less aggressive
-Far more used to fighting alongside others
Freeman
+Much more aggressive
+More varied Arsenal
+Used to fighting solo
-Much less durable
-Way less fire power
-Much cockier
-Less strategic in combat
Next Time on Death Battle![]
There once was a doll named Chucky,
With freckles all looking quite fucky,
He tried to scare all,
But his size was too small,
My gold shines brighter, how unlucky!
Chucky vs. The Leprechaun
Trivia[]
- The connection between the two combatants is that they are both versions of Gordon Freeman from fan made Half-Life 1 series. Along with them both giving the famously silent protagonist a voice they both play him as neurotic and short tempered, who tend to be yelling at the NPCs more often than not.
- The track for this fight would be called "Passport To Massachusetts", in reference to the Passports from HLVRAI, and to the fact that Freeman says multiple times through his series that he is attempting to escape to Massachusetts where he has gold buried in one of the state's parks
- This battle would be 3D animated, with both characters using a modified version of Half-Life's Gordon Freeman Model