Genie VS Calypso is a What-If? episode of Death Battle by XarXel. It features the Genie from Disney's Aladdin, and Calypso from Playstation's Twisted Metal.
Intro[]
Wiz: "The Genie, the lovable Disney cartoon icon of Robin Williams' roles."
Boomstick: "Calypso, the malicious orchestrator behind the Twisted Metal tournament."
Wiz: "There's nothing we humans want more than our deepest desires to become reality. But what if there were beings capable of magically bringing them to life?"
Boomstick: "You'd never know if this wish-granting being is a kind soul with childlike whimsy whose just a swell and goofy guy to be around in general, or a demented and sadistic snake who will twist your words against your very own life. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!"
Wiz: "And it's our job to test their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!"
Genie[]
Wiz: "Oh, imagine a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam. Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your fa-"
Boomstick: "Whoa-hoh, Wizard! That is not how the song went!"
Wiz: "What do you mean? It went just like that when it was in theaters."
Boomstick: "Well, clearly, they changed that. It's TOO barbaric."
Wiz: "But, hey, it's home!"
Boomstick grumbles in distain.
Wiz: "When the wind's from the east, and the sun's from the west, and the sand in the glass is right..."
Wiz & Boomstick: "Come on down, stop on by, hop a carpet and fly, to another Arabian Night!!" *laughter ensues*
Wiz: "Who knew we'd both have the same childhood movie, huh? The city of Agrabah, filled crime in the streets and come to think of it, a lot of racially insensitive stereotypes. Guess I owe you $25. Whether you're a poor boy struggling to survive like Aladdin, or a princess stuck in the palace waiting for a suiter like Jasmine, you just feel trapped here."
Boomstick: "That didn't stop these two from finding eachother, and sparking romance together. However, the obviously traitorous vizier, Jafar, had plans for Aladdin, for he is the Diamond in the Rough, the only one accessible to the Cave of Wonders, even though his monkey Abu can be carried in there."
Wiz: "Within the tiger's mouth and the vault of treasures, lies the golden lamp. But Abu proves to be a determent to obtaining it... and leaving alive. Not even with the help of a magic carpet could they escape, and unfortunately for Jafar, the lamp was buried with them. All Aladdin had left was to rub that lamp. Billowing out of it, smoke and fireworks fill the cave-in, awakening the magical being living inside for 10,000 years; the Genie!"
Boomstick: "The Genie is an all powerful, well, genie, a spirit that can grant the wishes to those who rub his lamp - with some limitations. Can't kill anyone, can't force anyone to fall in love, can't unkill anyone, and shares Aladdin's problem with being trapped. Part of the whole genie gig, really. He has all this PHENOMONAL COSMIC POWER - but he's stuck in an itty bitty lamp."
Wiz: "Despite having said cosmic power at his command, Aladdin had a kind heart and would promise to free the Genie for his last wish. And even if he just wants that wish, the Genie grew a liking to Aladdin over the course of the film. Then again, he's not an asshole like SOME genies I know. No comment. In fact, he doesn't bring some terrible twist to Aladdin's wishes and even warns of the grey area of saying things like 'make me a prince'. He's actually a fun-loving guy, giving out hilarious impressions with his magical presence, certainly helped being voiced by a master of impressions."
Boomstick: "The Genie himself, however, isn't just a master of impressions. He can shapeshift his body on a dime to completely impersonate anyone, like the Godfather Don Vito Corleone, Robert De Niro, Rodney Dangerfield, and even the mouse himself. As a matter of fact, his whole body is complete vapor, allowing him to change into anything, really, from the moon, to Saturn, to the Sun, to entire star constellations. His body can be severed into pieces, liquid, ashes, or complete nothingness, and he'll come back totally fine."
Wiz: "His body can still function decapitated, fly to the Crab Nebula which is over 6500 lightyears away, phase through walls, and even shield his friends from it by the Sands Of Time changing the past, remaining effectively unfazed himself. He can also change his shape into various offense weaponry, like a missile worth 40 thousand Megatons, morphing his arms into cannons, transforming into a raincloud, or turn into a fire-breathing dragon, and that's just to name a few. Anything he can think of, he can turn into. And he can transmute others with the same imagination, changing their shape or giving them enchantment like the strength of 10 men."
Boomstick: "Hell, he doesn't need someone existing to bring his magic to life. He can create anything he wants with his fingers, such as dancing elephants, belly dancers, and cars apparently. Genie can create any kind of weapon on hand, from swords, explosives powerful enough to blow up sand dunes and mountain sides, to guns, rifles, tommy guns, and more guns! My kind of guy."
Wiz: "If creating weapons don't work, he can bend the very elements themselves. He can breath fire, spin fast enough to start whirlwinds, transform into a raincloud, grow trees instantly, turn his hands into magnets, throw thunderbolts like Zeus, and lift an entire river like it's solid matter. The Genie can even mess with time, containing the Sands Of Time into a no-spill cup and travel forward or back in time practically on foot."
Boomstick: "He can create mirages, undo petrification, hypnotize people but cannot be hypnotized himself, reflect attacks, erase beings from existence, and most importantly, force people to dance to his songs. Dear God! I can see why the Genie was stuck in the lamp for millennia. Letting a being with so many of these abilities loose on the world would be catastrophic! Maybe it wouldn't be wise to set him free."
Wiz: "Well, for all these abilities, there are things Genie can't overcome. A; speaking of the lamp, it's actually not the only thing the Genie couldn't get out of. He's been trapped in bottles, vacuums, and chains on multiple occasions, with his magic never working to get him out. B; Genie himself is easily tricked, like when Aladdin tricked him into escaping the Cave Of Wonders without a wish, and overall, while not completely idiotic, he is a giant naïve buffoon. And C; he's not the most powerful being in the Arabian Nights."
Boomstick: "Oh, there's plenty who could make the Genie wet his pants, like Mirage, the malicious Evil Elemental intent on spreading fear and misery - Mozenrath, a magic stealer who intends on ruling the seven deserts - and Chaos, a cat who despises mediocrity and has more power in his little whisker than an entire palace full of genies. And that's coming from the Genie! But that doesn't stop the Genie from throwing hands. Because upon referencing pop culture, he also references various ways of fighting, such as boxing, wrestling, swordfighting, and taekwondo, and have been applicable in battle."
It cuts to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab. Boomstick possesses the Genie's lamp in his hands and is slowly rubbing it, gradually increasing speed.
Wiz: "Well, we delayed long enough to talk about Genie's phenomenal cosmic power. It's so massive, a simple demonstration created entire planets, stars, and nebulas flying around in utter chaos. Aladdin's certainly been keeping it simple with his wishes, like becoming a prince or Genie saving his life-"
Author's Note: There's multiple times in the TV show where the Genie did not want to mix his magic with other types of magic. He describes the repercussions to unravel the fabric of the universe and annihilate all life, and for the times he does end up mixing magic, it does result in explosions and cause problems for the gang.
Boomstick stops rubbing the lamp in confusion.
Boomstick: "You sure that counts? It's not like Al could have wished for that if he wanted to while sleeping with the fishes."
He resumes rubbing the lamp.
Wiz: "But once Jafar got a hold of the lamp, he let all that chaos loose. Aladdin lost sight of his true self, and continuing the lie of Prince Ali led to Jafar winning. However, Aladdin overcomes this, facing the new sorcerer with his street skills, even tricking him into becoming an all powerful genie."
Boomstick's face turns red as he tries harder to rub the lamp
Boomstick: "It doesn't sound like a good idea, giving him the power to control the universe, in his own words mind you, but he'd be stuck in his itty bitty shitty living space before someone ever wishes for that. And after all that, instead of becoming a prince again, he used his last wish to set... the Genie... free..."
Boomstick stops rubbing the lamp in realization. Looking down on it, he throws it on the floor in frustration. While Wiz was talking in the next paragraph, Boomstick stomps on the lamp, still infuriated about wasting his time.
Wiz: "While this gave the Genie his free will, he lost some of that cosmic scale to his powers, becoming second rate to genie Jafar."
Boomstick: "Second rate to a universe controller ain't that bad, though!"
Wiz: "Still, all his abilities are still intact, and his powers aren't so weak. He once grew larger than the Earth itself and spun it around on his finger like a basketball. The kinetic energy would have to be 20 Quettatons! Almost enough to damage the sun. Heck, he even turned OFF the sun once and removed all light that already existed for a moment."
Boomstick: "Yep, and yet he's not using that magic to protect his FUCKING lamp!"
Boomstick accidentally stomps with his shotgun leg and shoots the lamp. Suddenly, smoke comes out of the lamp and forms into DUMMI. Wiz and Boomstick were baffled.
Wiz: "DUMMI, why are you in the lamp?"
DUMMI: "Because the Genie is not contractually obligated to speak before the fight, much like Robin William's contract stated his Genie quotes would not be used in advertisements. So, I took his place due to the freedom it gives me."
Boomstick: "But there were tons of Genie's lines in the Aladdin commercials."
DUMMI: "That's why he chose ME."
Wiz and Boomstick are frightened by what they're now understanding. DUMMI puts up a devilish smirk as he descends back into the lamp. Both Wiz and Boomstick took a step back away from the lamp.
Boomstick: "Of course, that's just with his magic trickery. In physicality, he can outmatch any normal human, and the strongest ones can survive cheese so potent they detonate like nukes. The Genie himself has held back earthquakes, smashed through floors, and punched some demons from Agrabah all the way back to Greece."
Wiz: "And the Genie can take harsher punishment, like getting launched out of space, crushed under the palace, struck by lightning, crashed into a spaceship at high speeds, and tanked the explosion of the Philosopher's Stone. The explosion was so potent, the Genie had to fly it far from the Earth itself, and he was launched all the way back in raindrops."
Boomstick: "All this power, stuck inside the body of a moronic impersonator. Then again, that's only looking at his street smarts. He's very versatile with all his magical abilities, almost always coming up with a new reference or form to make you laugh or take out enemies. He's shown knowledge of boxing, wrestling, fencing, and taekwondo, and has used them effectively in combat."
Wiz: "He's also a wonder with machines. He reconfigured mechanical scorpions to attack their creator, created a formula that rendered people and trees termite-proof, and crafted, down to the tiniest particle, the 'perfect' croquet mallet. But he still loses to the rug. I can't believe it. Still, all these abilities, all these ingenuities, all this power - they don't fully make up for his weaknesses."
Boomstick: "The Genie is inherently comic-relief, and the funniest comic relief are usually the stupidest. Dude's got all this genie magic, and villains even he knows are big threats can trick him into trapping himself into a bottle. It would make sense he wouldn't take his opponents so seriously with all his semi-phenomenal nearly-cosmic power, but no, there's been plenty of times of him being serious against magical foes."
Wiz: "It's more likely his compassion. He could've been a sadist or an asshole like so many other genies - especially the one that ruined my life..."
Boomstick: "What was that?"
Wiz: "-But instead, he's just a jolly guy to be around. Even after leaving Agrabah to explore the world, there's no place that gave him happiness than being with Aladdin. Not even a Whole New World could keep these two apart. He does get a wife and kids to look after in the live-action remake, but that hardly counts."
Boomstick: "Well, he gets a girlfriend in the TV show, so there's that. But as stated before, he grew attached to Aladdin, joining him on his many adventures, facing danger across the desert and even the faces of Gods. Aladdin may never had met a friend like the Genie, but the Genie never had a friend like Aladdin."
Calypso[]
Wiz: "What do you desire most? How far would you go to have your wish granted? Would you achieve such a feat by any means necessary?"
Boomstick: "Absolut- *buzz* -OW! Sorry, things didn't go well the last time I was asked that. Well, if you would, the Twisted Metal contest is right up your alley! Battling across the world in your vehicle of choice to have your wish granted like you rubbed the lamp of a genie... huh... - and this tournament isn't called 'twisted' for nothing! We have a serial killer clown named Needles - had a bit of a laugh with the Joker - the man infused with his vehicle named Axel, and the grim reaper himself, Mr. Grimm! Well, kinda. We'll get to that."
Wiz: "The entire intent behind the contest was to cause death and destruction, even binding the souls of the contestants to force them to comeback to the next. There can only be one winner, but even they wouldn't be safe, as they could easily have their wish turned against them if they're not careful. There was no man who took pleasure in all this carnage more than the one who started and hosts the Twisted Metal tournament - Calypso."
Boomstick: "Calypso orchestrates the entire Twisted Metal contest, spreading the chaos and destruction to the entire world as he so please. But how did one man create such depraved carnage worldwide? Well, all his life has practically built up to this tournament. At a young age, William Sparks had an intimate relationship with death. He wished to die in a car crash after he accidentally run over his sister. Unfortunately, the decades of trying to has killed everyone else around him instead - his parents, his classmates, really, anybody remotely close to him."
Wiz: "In his later years, he becomes a demolition derby driver, where he remains the sole survivor in each match, including the audience and his wife. The man remained unkillable, much to the dismay to William himself, who by then was given the name Calypso, meaning 'to conceal'. However, this accursed luck finally runs out when he drove his car with his daughter in it into a wall, killing them both. He awakens in hell meeting Minion, a demon willing to claim Calypso's soul. However, Calypso refused to have his soul claimed, escaping and beating Minion in a race."
Boomstick: "And Minion was the right hand man of the Devil himself, who was impressed by the manslaughter Calypso has caused in his lifetime. So, he takes away Minion's powers and gives to Calypso, returning him to the living world to create a special derby for bringing more souls to Hell. That of course being the Twisted Metal contest, bringing the chaos it needed to achieve the goal. And what's a better hook to bring in the unfortunate and depraved for Hell than getting your own wish?"
Wiz: "This wish can be anything you desire, from bestowing power of strength, normal or the supernatural, to global mass hysteria, small scale manipulation, and time travel. However, in almost all of these wishes, Calypso adds a malicious twist to it.
Boomstick: "I mean, he grants your wish by forming electricity and a flash of lightning - you're literally in for a shock."
Wiz: "You want to be the fastest racer? Well, keep your tanker full, or you'll be stuck in the past. Want to no longer be an outcast after a hideous scar? Well, now all your friends have identical scars to you. Want the soul of Calypso himself? You'll have to do with the sole of his shoe."
Boomstick: "Runway model? Be careful to choose which runway. King of the world? Good luck governing the dead! You want to fly? Well, that's on you for not specifying. Want the whole world to know your face? How about covering the whole world with your face? And he grew big to match! By the size of his face, he'd be dwarfing Earth fourfold!"
Wiz: "Factoring in his newly adjusted weight, expanding into space within seconds would equal to 27 Ronnatons, easily enough to destroy a dwarf star. However, Calypso doesn't use brute force for these wishes. He goes for a manipulative approach, such as trapping foes in household items or a pocket dimension within a painting. Most of his abilities come from the words of the winners' wishes, so it's possible he can do anything depending on such, but we'll only go over what he did with the wishes and how he twists them."
Boomstick: "He can switch people's bodies, create giant killer plants worldwide, gave someone who could not sleep an eternal rest, and took away Mr. Grimm's immortality. But in turn of keeping death existing, it was given to another mortal. He can drive every human in the world mad to the point of global carnage, teleport people into outer space, revert you into a baby, create illusions, and boost sound so powerful it causes earthquakes. Calypso can upgrade vehicles into becoming better and turn a small pistol into one of the most powerful weapons in the world. Ooo, maybe I should enter this tournament."
We cut to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab.
Wiz: "Are you insane!? After all the mentions of Calypso giving the winners twisted fates, you want to risk your life in a demolition derby that demolishes everything in it's pa- actually, you'd probably do that."
Boomstick: "Hey, I would know not to blow with the wish!"
Wiz: "Oh, please. You blow everything, like our vacation before it began!"
Boomstick: "They were going to take away my shotgun!"
Wiz: "They were going to disarm your shotgun and pack in our suitcases, because you can't walk around with a gun in an airport on hand! And if you were worried about walking on one leg, they'd given you a substitute leg for the plane ride!"
Boomstick: "...Oh."
There was an awkward pause between Wiz & Boomstick, as Wiz spitefully stares at Boomstick.
Boomstick: "Well, c-come to think of it, if you try to wish him gone, like Mr. Grimm wishing for Calypso's soul, he'll just twist the words to his benefit. But if the wish couldn't be twisted and it's not to his liking, his powers grants the wish for him despite his reluctance. Huh? Isn't that more interesting?"
Wiz remains not amused.
Boomstick: "I've repaid you those tickets with a car wash an hour later! I've apologized 5 times half an hour before! What more do you want from me!?"
Wiz continues to stare angrily, but his eyebrows loosened giving off a more mildly annoyed look.
Wiz: "Well, it was indeed the case when Needles wished to swap places with Calypso, and he couldn't stop the wish from being granted. However, in that same game, he's granted the wish of someone who didn't even compete, so he can use his powers outside of wishes."
Boomstick: "See? Don't get our leisure time mixed with our work."
Wiz returns the spiteful stare, with Boomstick none the wiser.
Wiz: "He's not defenseless without his powers, however, as in Twisted Metal 4, the title of host was taken away from him. Needles took his special ring, which is where all the souls caught by the contract of the Twisted Metal contest go and amplify the user's power like a Lantern Ring. And he built a vehicle in case he needed to participate in the contest himself; the Nuke Mobile."
Boomstick: "The man wants his powers so bad, he'd resorts to nuclear warfare without a blink of an eye. This bad boy has missiles of every kind; missiles that light vehicles on fire, missiles that freeze opponents, homing missiles, speed missiles that are the fastest in the game, and Rain missiles that launch in the air and lob fireballs down on targets. Oho, I've wanted to give someone a meteor shower for some time!"
Wiz: "The Mobile is also equipped with bombs, like Napalm, Lightning, Land Mines, and numerous others. However, none of them are as potent as the Nuke... you can probably guess what this does. All of these weapons are impressive, but despite the variety, they still have limited ammunition."
Boomstick: "Obviously, if his powers are threatened, he would go for the kill immediately, but for when he's in control, which is most of the time, Calypso takes great pleasures in torturing his victims. He's played with the lives of Needles, Axel, and... Kratos!? Is that canon?"
Wiz: "Well, now that you mentioned it, Twisted Metal as a series doesn't keep track of it's own lore. I mean, Calypso's backstory we told at the beginning was a retcon of the first game, and the games after the second continued to retcon endlessly, such as Mr. Grimm being Death changed to a Vietnam veteran or a son of a black daredevil. Kratos showing up isn't that farfetched considering the rest of the series. And at bare minimum, Kratos can swing the Atlas Hammer, which weighs as much as the world."
Boomstick: "Yeah, Calypso isn't some feeble old man you can toy with. Ironically, that specifically happened twice, but don't take that chance. The whole contest is his playground, and the wish you win is his to fuck you up. He wants nothing more than for you to suffer, by the chaos of the tournament itself and by your own hubris. Yet, there is one exception - his own daughter Krista. When she's rebuilt as a robot with a bomb inside specifically for killing Calypso, he takes the lethal explosion with his daughter in his arms. Even a twisted soul like him has some humanity left."
Fight[]
Upon the red skies of Agrabah, the once proud city more than a thousand years ago is desecrated by dozens of sociopaths driving their cars through buildings and launch missiles nonstop. Calypso watches on top of the palace window, with a glass of expensive win on hand and a mocking grimace on his face. He takes a sip of his drink, enjoying the show he has concocted.
Any citizen left are hiding within their homes, hoping the maniacs won't spread the chaos inside. One little girl tries desperately to run back home, but trips on something poking out of the ground, which caused the object to poke out more. A contestant in a monster truck drives in the little girl's direction, running her over and hitting the object.
The spout of the object pierces and pops the tire, causing the truck to spin out and crash in an explosion. The object is shown to be a lamp, and it begins to shake. Out of the spout, blue smoke comes out to form; the Genie, wearing light blue and white pajamas.
Genie: "*YAAAAAAWWWWN* That was a nice thousand year nap. Alright, I must warn you, I'm a free gen- OH MY GODS!!"
In utter shock, he finds a little girl split in half. Panicking, the Genie duplicates himself to do multiple things - one was morphed into an ambulance, two pulled out a gurney and carries the girl's halves, one slurps up the blood that was left on the sand with a plastic straw, and another comes out of the ambulance with a doctor's set up. The paramedics stitch her body back together, the strawman's straw turns into a needle as he injects her blood back into her veins, and the doctor pulls out a defibrillator, rubbing the two of them together.
Genie: "CLEAR!!"
Instead of slamming them on the girl, he squishes his head with the defibrillator, causing surges of electricity shocking his body, changing from painful pose to painful pose. He briefly kisses the girl like she had a bad boo boo, and it gives her a pleasant surge of life given back to her. The Genies merge back into one and screams with joy, hugging the little girl for surviving as she's breaking into tears.
Calypso: "Interesting."
From the top of the palace, Calypso sees the sudden presence of a genuine magical being. He tosses his glass aside and stands up.
Calypso: (His voice booming from the speakers) "We are sorry to announce that the Twisted Metal contest you were currently playing is now cancelled."
The contestants all groan loudly in disappointment. But with a snap of his fingers, Calypso makes all of the contestants' vehicles explode.
Calypso: "I've found a new toy to play with."
Hearing this from afar, the Genie set down the little girl and pushed her towards her home, where she jumps into the embrace of her mother's loving arms. Genie flies to the top of the palace to meet this shadowy figure in person.
Genie: "Please, I've been toyed with for as long as it is. I'm not returning to complacency."
Calypso: "Complacency? I find you more valuable than any contestant here. Well... were here. This whole tournament is to bring suffering to those who live here, those who compete, and those who win a free wish."
The Genie's anger boils, as shown as his blue skin slowly turns red, giving Calypso relishing delight.
Calypso: "Now that there's a real Genie here, I can bring the screams of magical beings as well."
FIGHT!
Calypso charges electricity in his hand and blasts a bolt into Genie's chest, launching him back. But suddenly, Genie stops his momentum and harnesses the bolt into a ball, with baseball clothing morphing on his body. A Genie double appears right behind Calypso as a bunny catcher, startling the host. He starts saying super fast words reminiscent to when Bugs Bunny was in the same position.
Back to the pitcher Genie, he revs up the ball of electricity, very much akin to Bugs Bunny as well. He throws the ball with full force, smacking Calypso in the face and exploding the top of the palace. Genie crosses his arm, giving a shit-eating grin thinking he won.
Genie: "I guess you'd become deaf before you hear my screams."
However, a dark shadowy presence appears behind the Genie, with Calypso coming out of his silhouette.
Calypso: "Oh, I beg to differ."
The Genie had only little time to properly react, at most turning his smile into a jaw drop below his pecs. In the little time of the Genie turning around, Calypso pulls out a plain old pistol pointing it upwards, and turns it into the most powerful weapon Colonel Hall once wished for when pointing it at the Genie's head. He pulls the trigger, and with one big shot, it obliterates the Genie's head clean off. He briefly screamed before having no mouth left to scream.
Looking at the headless genie, Calypso lowers his gun and laughs like he has won. The Genie was allowing him to think so before turning around dramatically to face him. Calypso's laughter dulled out as the headless genie body reels back. The headless body suddenly lunges forward, with Genie's head regenerating, striking a headbutt on the off-guard host and knocking him back.
A little pissed off, Calypso shoots the gun right at the Genie, but he casually swings his waist left to right with bullet that comes close for the first 5 shots. He shapeshifts to a bullfighter with a red cape and goes "Ole!" when one bullet comes by, he turns into Neo and leans back like how he could dodge a bullet, and finally shapeshifts to a samurai, cutting the last few bullets in half as well as the gun itself.
Genie: "死ぬ (Shinu*)!" *Die
Feeling backed into a corner, Calypso snaps his fingers and the clouds above rumble. Just as Genie was going to strike his katana overhead, a lightning bolt strikes down on the Genie, right down to the ground. The impact creates a building wide explosion as nothing remains of the Genie other than smoke.
Calypso laughs in victory, not knowing the smoke is rising up to him pretty fast. The smoke comes together to form two arms grasping their hands together right above Calypso's head. They slam down on Calypso, and the action reformed Genie's body. Calypso was smashed through the crater creating a him-sized hole in it.
Calypso climbs out with bruises and tethers all over his body, out of breath after the blow. He hears a whistling sound from above, seeing an anvil falling quickly down to him looking up. Calypso did not look amuse, but he played by pulling out a comedically small umbrella.
Calypso: "Hmm. If you want to beat a toon, you play by their rules."
Once the anvil lands on the umbrella, it actually stops momentum with a high pitch dink!. A crack quickly spreads all around the anvil before the whole thing falls to dust. He brushes the dust off his shoulders while climbing out of the hole. He holds two fingers up pointing at the clouds, and he spins them around, causing the clouds themselves to pull down and form a tornado.
The Genie was still dumbfounded by what he witnessed, barely noticing the tornado. Once sighted, the Genie attempts to make a break for it, but it was too late and he was pulled in. The tornado lands into the city, tearing up multiple buildings instantly as Calypso moves it around the entire city. Calypso laughs at the carnage he's creating, especially when he heads it towards the home of the child the Genie saved.
The child and mother hold together tightly, bracing for the gruesome end. However, just as it gets closer, the tornado is lifted up back to the clouds, confusing the hell out of Calypso. The twister turns blue and lunges right for Calypso.
Genie: "That's it! Time for a change of weather!"
Calypso guards his face as he endures massive and gusting winds, gradually being pushed back. One of the buildings the tornado pulled up unfortunately smack him in the face and send him flying through the burst of wind. He was not in control of how much he was spinning, and couldn't do anything about more of the buildings crashing into him. Genie is shown balling up the rest of the buildings and throwing the whole thing faster towards Calypso.
Various vehicles pass by Calypso's spinning body, and one that catches his eye was his own Nuke Mobile. Balancing his equilibrium, he quickly slides into the truck and starting the engine. With the ball of buildings closing the distance, Calypso wastes no time and launches his Nuke. The missile launches straight at the gigantic boulder, and completely evaporates the whole thing, dispersing the whole gust of wind in general.
They were blasted outside Agrabah's gates, with a huge hole in the wall as proof. From the smoke, Genie was covered in ashes and soot, which he casually brushes off. From the distance, he sees the Nuke Mobile racing right towards him.
Genie: "Oh, so you want to play with missiles, huh? Well, how about some Gigatons!!"
Suddenly, Genie pulls out loads of missiles on his back, and launches every one of them right for the Nuke Mobile. Calypso maneuvers around the hordes of explosions, with some barely hitting. Calypso launches an Ice Missile that heads for the Genie, with him too focused on throwing missiles like javelins. The ice missile hits, freezing Genie completely. Calypso amplifies the Nuke Mobile's speed with his magic, gaining rainbow colors as it moves faster than light. As soon as it smashes into the Genie popsicle, all that momentum leaves the car and sends Genie careening across the city of Agrabah.
The impact caused the airbag to blast out, obscuring Calypso's vision. He violently stuffs it back in as he focuses on getting the Genie. As he drives through the city, following the Genie-shaped holes, Calypso hears the sounds of an engine revving. Out of the blue, something jumps overhead. Landing beside the Nuke Mobile - Akira slide style - the Genie shows his face with biker getup, and a giant version of his lamp altered to function like a motorcycle.
Genie: "How about I beat you at your own Twisted Metal game?"
Genie drives right for Calypso and slams into the Nuke Mobile, knocking it over. As it passes by, the spout of the lamp stops spewing flames and instead pop out a tongue that blows raspberries at his fallen foe. To add insult to injury, the tongue shoots out of the spout like a missile and blasts the Nuke Mobile. However, Calypso manages to drive out of the way in time and avoiding the blast, chasing after the Genie on wheels.
Calypso: "You're playing by my rules, genie. Don't think you have the advantage."
Calypso fires speed missiles that practically hit Genie instantly, almost causing him to lose balance. Thinking quickly, Genie pulls a lever in his lamp, and the spout starts spewing out smoke, clouding Calypso's windshield. With no way of knowing what's up ahead, Calypso attempts to slow down. Unfortunately, by the time he hits the breaks, his Nuke Mobile smashes through a house, receiving cracked windows and massive dents to the rest of the front.
While Calypso was dealing with his knocked over vehicle, Genie comes from the side with a joust and knight armor. His lamp would aggressively speed up, thrusting his joust forward to stab through the Nuke Mobile. However, Calypso was far from defenseless, as he throws a bomb overhead. The bomb lands right in front of the Genie's lamp.
The bomb and Genie's lamp collide, and the explosion sends Genie up into the sky and over Calypso's vehicle. This gives him time to get the Nuke Mobile back on it's wheels, making a U-turn to a rush as soon as possible. What's left of the lamp motorcycle is a high-seated unicycle, with Genie landing on top of it and catching his real lamp. Genie shows a sign of relief, but it was brief when noticing the Nuke Mobile was hot on his tail.
Startled by the present danger, Genie peddled on his unicycle and book it, leading to another high speed chase. The Nuke Mobile fires numerous bullets, some hitting Genie directly with him dodging most of them, others like the ice missiles create blockage, forcing him to make sharp turns. Two speed missile shot down some tall buildings, causing them to collapse and corner the Genie.
Looking around, Genie can't find a place to exit through, and the Nuke Mobile rushes closer and closer. Calypso's nuke is lifted up, ready to launch, skyrocketing Genie's worries.
Genie: (sarcastically) "Oh, what do I do, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO!?" (normally) "Oh, I know!"
The Genie picks up his unicycle like a bat while suspended in the air, and swings at the Nuke Mobile. The hit sends the entire vehicle flying and rolling across the ground, each hit breaking it more and more. Calypso slipped out of the window, standing unharmed and brushing off dust while the Nuke Mobile explodes.
Genie: "Wow. You can live through a lot, huh?"
Calypso: "Oh, you have NO idea..."
As Calypso finished talking, he began to grow bigger, quickly towering over Agrabah's skyline. Lifting his foot over the Genie, Calypso laughs maniacally while crushing the blue spirit.
Calypso: "All that power, went out like an ant."
Calypso dug his foot against where the Genie once stood more and more out of pettiness. The vile smile grew bigger on his face enjoying towering a magical deity, but he would soon realize it was for naught. The ground began to rumble, and the force of Calypso's shoe was lifted by two oversized blue hands. The Genie began growing himself at an increasing rate, beginning to have comparable size to the Earth itself.
Genie: "Fee fi fo fant! I'm an ant, alright. A GI-ant!"
Calypso tries to catch up growing larger, but it was too late. Grabbing Calypso by his leg, the Genie spins him around and throws him out of orbit. But Calypso wasn't out of the fight yet, and he makes that perfectly clear shooting lightning at Earth. While Genie manages to dodge each of them, he becomes too focused on mocking Calypso to notice the electricity growing venous flytrap plants big enough to bite his arms and restrain him.
The Genie struggles to free himself from the plants, all the while Calypso charges electricity through his fingertips, recreating his wish-granting pose. Suddenly, a third arm morphs out of Genie's chest, dropping a magic bean onto a continent. The bean grows into a mighty oak as tall as the distance from Earth to the moon, launching Genie out of orbit and ripping the plants apart with him. The Genie tackles Calypso as they're thrown across space.
The two become caught against Saturn's ring, making a U-turn around. The Genie dropkicks Calypso into Jupiter, with the impact blasting all the gas out leaving a dense ball left of the planet. Genie shapeshifts into a fighter jet and zips towards Calypso. Thinking fast, Calypso pokes his two fingers and thumb into Jupiter and throws it like it's a bowling ball. The planet's orbit was too strong for Genie to steer away from and was caught in the kinetic force, splitting into ten pins that all but one fall over.
Calypso picks up the unfallen Genie pin, electricity flows through the grip to make sure he can't escape. Snapping his fingers, Calypso summons a vase into existence.
Calypso: "I recall you genies have a thing for household objects for homes, right?"
As Calypso puts the vase below the Genie, a vacuum pulls his body into the containment. However, hundreds of shots are fired and damage Calypso and his suit, making holes all over. He turns his head slowly with burning hatred, finding 9 duplicates of the Genie with guns (and they look like famous movie, tv, and video game shooters like Robocop, James Bond, Master Chief, etc.).
Genie: "Your move, creep!"
Calypso: "Gladly..."
Calypso rubs the vase, summoning the Genie within.
Genie: "You do know I'm a free geni-"
A shock flows through the vase, submitting the Genie into silence.
Calypso: "You're bound to MY will now, Genie. Now, round up your duplicates."
The trapped Genie had no choice, turning into a hurricane that acts like a vacuum to suck in his duplicates. All try to flee, but most end up pulled in and joining him in the vase. However, one manages to disappear in a puff of smoke, disappointing Calypso. Soon after, someone taps his shoulder from behind. Calypso turns around to face...
Calypso: "WILL SMITH!?"
...in his human Genie getup.
Genie (Will Smith): "Ah-hah-hah! Aw, this'll be hot!"
He charges his hand up with flames and slaps Calypso in his face to keep his wife's name out of his mouth or something. The explosion blasts Calypso away while his vase remains. Genie, morphing back to normal, wipes his hands for a job well done. And with one last thing to do, Genie attempts to grab the vase.
However, in that attempt, it's structure seems to be swished away like smoke from the action of grabbing it. Genie was shocked, not fully comprehending what's going on. He swipes his arms around trying again to grab it, but it just makes the vase fade away more and more. Once completely gone, Genie starts putting the pieces together.
Genie: "The vase was a ruse!"
Calypso: "Indeed."
Looking at his clever opponent, he witnesses his duplicates shrinking down and being sucked into Calypso's ring.
Calypso: "I am Calypso. And I thank you for playing Twisted Metal."
He punches forward and create a suction from his ring that pulls in the Genie. No matter what he did, Genie could not escape the suction and was pulled into the ring. He was shrunken down to fit inside the ring, but he managed to stay big enough to get stuck. His duplicates form back into him to become whole again.
The Genie was still being pulled in, just gradually, like his bottom half and his left arm has. He reaches out his right arm to grab something. As we cut to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab, that something turned out to be Wiz's robot arm. Grabbing the arm pulled Wiz slamming into the TV screen, with him quickly trying to pull back.
Wiz: "Boomstick, HELP ME!!!"
Panicking, Boomstick bearhugs Wiz to try to pull him out, but he's barely pulling Wiz out.
Boomstick: "Jocelyn, Ringmaster, DUMMI, state of emergency; section 12 Beta!"
Jocelyn, Ringmaster, and DUMMI frantically rush in and help Boomstick pull Wiz out.
Despite holding on to the host of this battle, the Genie was still being pulled into the ring, as his face sinks into it. Seeing the ring from the inside, Genie witnesses a hellish prison of damned souls. Each of the souls scream out "FREE US", "SAVE US", among other cries for help that begins clouding Genie's mind.
The Genie becomes overwhelmed with all these cries filling his head, wanting them to stop screaming to a savior so he could think straight. Those thoughts, however, give him a light bulb of an idea. Looking at his finger, he decides to grant their wishes.
Genie: "You wish to be free!?"
Damned Souls: "YES!!"
Genie: "THEN YOUR WISHES ARE G-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RANTED!!!"
The Genie sprays a beam out all over the prison, granting the souls enough strength to come together and fly straight out of the ring, tackling him in the process. The kinetic energy bursts the ring apart, much to Calypso's surprise. The Genie comes out sipping a dry martini on a beach bed, with sunglasses and a sunhat.
This made Calypso seething with anger and loathing, as a dark aura encloses around him. Tilting his head up, his red eyes glow with sinful wrath.
Calypso: "NONE OF YOU SHALL ESCAPE!!"
Calypso screams out in rage, spreading his dark aura and electricity out, dragging every soul and the Genie in capture. One by one, the souls disappear into the blacker void than space itself, scaring the bejeezus out of the Genie.
Calypso: "You will ALL be silenced to the darkness!!"
Genie, feeling tied up, struggles to move out of the darkness. He calms down, however, no longer letting the fear get to him, and he starts growing and glowing.
Genie: "Then let me illuminate your SITUATION HERE..."
The Genie grows so big, he becomes seen from a galactic view, eclipsing Calypso by an immense degree. Even his fingernail is the size of a planet compared to Calypso, shown off with Genie's hand coming close to him. preparing to flick him. And flick him he did, the smack moving stars themselves.
Slowing down, Calypso throws a dark tentacle that penetrated through Genie's shoulder, pull out a chunk of his matter. What surprised Genie was it didn't regenerate back and bleeds instead.
Genie: "Did you take away my immortality!?"
Genie grabs a star which is a tiny speck compared to him.
Genie: "You don't even have the power of a WISHING STAR!"
Speaking of which, the star looks like the Wishing Star from Wish, which waves at Calypso before being punted forward. While it was small for the Genie, the star dwarves Calypso as it smiles. However, Calypso couldn't help but smile himself, as he pulls out what remains of his Nuke Mobile. Picking up his nuke, and as the sun hits him, Calypso and the star disappears.
Confused at the teleportation, the Genie looks behind him and witnesses the star coming behind him.
Calypso: "Oh, but I can UPGRADE THE STAR! AND I SHALL USE IT TO END YOUR NOW MORTAL LIFE!!!"
Resizing the nuke to the size of half of the star, he throws it into the sun, creating nuclear energy that imbalances the power of the Wishing Star, with their face trying not to blow up. But once it hits the Genie, it creates a supernova that eclipses a fifth of the galaxy, giving Genie agonizing pain.
Even when it's killing off himself, Calypso doesn't care and keeps on laughing, knowing he'll take the Genie with him. The explosion was incinerating the Genie's skin. Despite the lethal explosion, Genie still fought back, pushing the supernova back as much as he could.
CLAP!
In one clap, the humongous Genie crushed the explosion into nothing. All that remained in his hands when he opened it, was the soul of Calypso. He picks up Calypso with his fingers closer to his face.
Genie: "That enough screams for today? Ha, ha, ha!"
The Genie laughs in victory while Calypso accepts his defeat to the hands of an all powerful genie.
Results[]
K.O!
Wiz, Boomstick, Jocelyn, Ringmaster, and DUMMI are seen struggling on the floor, recovering from the pain of the blast. Wiz and Boomstick are the first to stand, brushing their heads from the concussions. Genie comes out of the screen to celebrate his victory with the hosts.
Genie: "That was spectacular! I've gotta thank you guys for such an amazing experience-"
As the Genie was shaking their hands, Wiz slaps him in the face.
Wiz: "Don't you FUCKING pull us into our own Death Battles just so you can live, you piece of shit!"
Boomstick: "Well, can you blame him, Wiz? I know this battle sounded like a stomp, but it really could've gotten either way."
Wiz: "A violation remains a violation! Just keep silent till we explain the reasonings."
The Genie obliges, [using various ways of closing his mouth]. Boomstick was a least amused, while Wiz wasn't, simple as that.
Boomstick: "Biggest advantage the Genie had was his strength. While Calypso has dwarfed the Earth - and even Kratos, apparently - with his powers, Genie ultimately towered above his greatest feats, like turning off the sun."
Wiz: "Jafar as a genie himself claims his power could control the universe. While being an all-powerful genie still tied to his lamp made him superior, Jafar considers Genie comparable, albeit 'second-rate'. Even if controlling the universe meant just the known observable universe, and it wasn't infinite, the difference in strength compared to Calypso's Ronnatons of power is significantly enormous!"
Boomstick: "Even physical strength isn't in Calypso's range. Twisted Metal competitors can take his own nuke and keep on trucking, but the humans in Aladdin can survive nuclear explosions from cheese... I can't believe I'm saying this shit. The Genie's smashed through floors, held back earthquakes, and punched creatures across the globe."
Wiz: "Strength was not favorable for Calypso on either end, but in terms of speed, it was dead even. Genie likely had the edge physically by traveling to the Crab Nebula and back in a short timeframe, but it really didn't matter when both their magical abilities can defy time itself."
Boomstick: "Genie could run fast enough to travel to the future, while Calypso amplified the speed of a racecar to drive faster than light all the way to the Jurassic era. With both of them traveling through time from movement alone, they were equally immeasurable, making it hard for one to jump the other."
Wiz: "However, if one could, it would have to be Calypso thanks to his intelligence. It's pretty clear cut Calypso is a cunning genius of manipulation while the Genie is easily tricked. Genie is not without his own brilliance, though, as he can modify objects to perfection down to molecular structure."
Boomstick: "But Calypso is all about twisting the words of the winners' wishes, and he would no doubt fool the blue jester at every turn. While he has been tricked himself, it's too few to mention compared to how many times the Genie was tricked."
Wiz: "Both are well verse and creative with their abilities, coming up with something new and going the extra mile. But ultimately, Genie would have the edge in practical use thanks to his experience."
Boomstick: "Calypso was far from defenseless in combat, as he's fought in his very own Twisted Metal contest. But that's only because he needed to win his powers back, because otherwise, Calypso was top dog in a pound full of puppies. He's never been able to use his powers in combat, even when the opportunity strikes like Minion trying to take his powers back himself."
Wiz: "The Genie, on the other hand, had numerous adversaries to challenge his semi-phenomenal, nearly-cosmic power, like Mirage, Mozenrath, and even Jafar. And while in one iteration, Calypso has been around since the old west, Genie's been around for over 60 thousand years, having immensely greater time to work on his skills in magic. The Genie also knows various forms of martial arts as well, like boxing, taekwondo, and wrestling, and with any weapon he can conjure up, he can use effectively. Point goes to Genie."
Boomstick: "Quite frankly, the biggest factor to this fight has to be their magic. They had a massive pool of powers, from creating weapons, controlling the elements, to among numerous others. Whatever one had, the other did, too. Well, both of them have 3 exceptions - Genie's shapeshifting, regeneration, & duplication, and Calypso's immortality negation, pocket reality warping, and supernatural luck."
Wiz: "Let's start with what makes Calypso's special abilities. Calypso has trapped his victims within household items, like paintings, snow globes, the works, giving him all the means to exploit Genie's biggest weakness. Genie has been helpless to escape containers on numerous occasions, and Calypso wouldn't even need to seal him inside something for that to work. But given their equally immeasurable speeds, it would be challenging to get an opportunity."
Boomstick: "Calypso has also shown to take away immortality from people, like with Mr. Grimm's job as the grim reaper. Hell, Genie himself has given away his own immortality before, like when giving Iago his powers. It would ultimately even the odds of taking the Genie's life away. Lastly, even with Genie's greater strength, Calypso's supernatural luck has kept himself alive for decades, and he'd easily avoid any lethal blows especially if his speed couldn't."
Wiz: "But Genie's special abilities give him a greater advantage. His regeneration can help him recover from being split into pieces, liquified, burned to cinders, and even reduced to complete nothingness. It's unlikely Calypso can fully get rid of him even if he was in fact stronger."
Boomstick: "Not to mention, his constant shapeshifting could be enough to take back the speed advantage, especially when he can grow to the size of star constellations, dwarfing even Calypso at his largest. But the biggest advantage is the duplication. Being able to be in multiple places at once, Calypso would have an awful time keeping track of so many powerful beings at once as well as fighting against them. In general, he has so many creative uses for his many abilities, it wouldn't take long before "
It cuts to Wiz and Boomstick in the lab, with the Genie filling up his cup with soda from a soda machine he put in the middle of the lab.
Wiz: "Calypso was a truly twisted foe and managed to hold his own, but the Genie had the strength, the experience, and the magic needed to pierce through the metal barriers of this megalomaniac."
Boomstick: "He was e-Calypso-d!"
Genie: (raising his overfilled cup and splashing his drink on W & B) "Here, here!"
Wiz: "The winner is the Genie."
Advantages & Disadvantages[]
- Genie
- + Far more experience in both combat & magic
- + Stronger in physicality and powers
- > More abilities in general and to counter others
- = Equally immeasurable speed
- - Easy to trick
- Calypso
- + Intelligently superior
- + Has plenty of powers to negate Genie's immortality
- = Equally immeasurable speed
- - Never fought a magical being before
- < Less showings of creative powers
Soundtrack[]
The cover name would be "Twisted Like Me". This is a lyrical track similar to Friend Like Me, with heavy metal and jazz, meant to balance both characters' contrasting themes.
The track cover would have the lamp, with Calypso's haunting hand rubbing it, the spout twisted, and spewing out blue smoke to form Genie's hand while holding a wine glass.
|
Trivia[]
- The connections between Genie and Calypso are they're wish-granting reality warpers, set behind a challenge where people would fight for their lives to obtain their wishes (Cave Of Wonders and Twisted Metal Tournament respectively).
- This is also a battle of opposites, as the Genie warns his master's word so the wish wouldn't be messed up, and Calypso intentionally twists the word of the winner for his selfish amusement.
- The fight would be hand-drawn in a 3D setting
Next Time[]
