Description[]
Fiction has crafted many dark lords, but which will prevail in a fight to the death? It's the Triforce of Power against the Ring of Power!
NOTE: This fight is very outdated and was created very early in my time here, so the decisions, verdict, and formatting here may unfortunately be archaic.
Intro[]
Wiz: Across fiction, there above the collective society stands a tyrant of pure evil, wishing only for ultimate power.
Boomstick: They’ll do anything to get it. ANYTHING. These guys are KINDA nuts.
Wiz: Ganondorf, the Wielder of the Triforce of Power.
Boomstick: And Sauron, Bearer of the Ring of Power.
Wiz: I’m Wiz and he’s Boomstick, and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win… a Death Battle.
Ganondorf[]
Wiz: Long, long ago, the forces of Evil sought to wipe out humanity. Led by the Demon Lord Demise, they would have succeeded if not for the divine intervention of the Goddess Hylia and her chosen hero, Link.
Boomstick: Demise kinda got his ass kicked by Link. Rather than accept defeat and maybe try again in a year or two, Demise said “Fuck that” and cursed the duo that defeated him to eternally deal with his salty ass via reincarnations.
Wiz: This reincarnation eventually took on the form of Ganondorf, a Gerudo prince. Born in the desert, Ganondorf was always destined to take on the role of the Demon King.
Boomstick: Which kinda blows if you think about it, I mean what if Ganondorf wanted to be a shopkeeper or something and sell potions? But noooooo, stupid curse…
Wiz: As the only male heir born in a hundred years, Ganondorf was the un-challenged King of his people, and commonly practiced the dark arts of magic in his spare time.
Boomstick: Being in a position of royal power, Ganondorf had the perfect way to infiltrate Hyrule Castle in order to obtain the Triforce. There was just one itty bitty problem.
Wiz: The Triforce would only be revealed if a hero gathered three magic mcguffins and opened the Temple of Time’s barrier. And if you saw a giant 7-foot tall warlock going around playing Pokemon with this shit, needless to say it would cause a lot of suspicion.
Boomstick: So he instead killed some nerd’s tree dad, and then tricked him into doing the dirty work for him. This guy would be great friends with Professor Oak.
Wiz: With the Triforce now exposed, Ganondorf seized his opportunity and stole the Triforce of Power, leaving Link trapped in the Temple for seven years.
Boomstick: Which was plenty enough time for Ganondorf to turn everything to a hellhole. Did no one even bother trying to revolt against him?
Wiz: Well, Ganondorf is a very potent warlock. Any old shmuck would be right to stay the hell out of his way.
Boomstick: Ganondorf uses a variety of dark magic, but seems to favor playing volleyball with balls of electricity.
Wiz: He can create shockwaves by outstretching his hand, and has the ability to levitate a seemingly unlimited amount. Ganondorf is also a skilled swordsman, wielding dual katanas at times, but mostly favoring the Sword of Sages.
Boomstick: Which happens to be the exact same sword the Sages used to try and execute him... And he just laughed it off!
Wiz: Ganondorf’s magical prowess doesn’t end there. He has the ability to trap foes in magic barriers, can create room-engulfing blasts, and has the ability to create shadow-like clones of himself in battle.
Boomstick: He’s got killing curses, surprisingly insane gymnastic abilities, and can embue his physical strength even further with his dark magic.
Wiz: Ganondorf is quite powerful. He can shatter castle structures, and even defeated Link in one of the official timelines.
Boomstick: Ganondorf is hard as hell to kill, too. He’s survived castles falling on him, being impaled by a holy sword, survived a direct attack to his soul, and survived a dragon’s fire breath without a scratch.
Wiz: This is all thanks to his possession of the Triforce of Power, which grants him these rather insane abilities. It’s also why he’s nigh-unkillable without a sword like the Master Sword.
Boomstick: And when things get serious, Ganondorf can tap into the full power of the Triforce piece to become… Ganon. What a dork.
(Cue Escape from Ganon's Tower)
Wiz: In his beast form, Ganon is far more powerful, durable, and savage than his human form. Along with wielding a trident, Ganon is uncontrollable and for some reason, has a shiny glowing weak spot on his body.
Boomstick: Scars do exist, you know.
Wiz: Ganondorf’s massive power and sense of war have earned him a sizable and diverse army of monster followers. Though he has no specific army, he has been known to command certain species’ of warriors, along with some key henchmen.
Boomstick: The lowest ranking of Ganon’s grunts are the moblins and bokoblins, pink fat pig things that sometimes hold knives or spears. They aren’t the brightest bunch, but Bokoblins are apparently intelligent enough to lead squadrons of troops. Somehow.
Wiz: Stalchildren make up the cannon fodder of Ganon’s army, skeletal creatures who attack with little more than their hands. Though sometimes there are Giant, though it’s still made of easily-breakable bone.
Boomstick: As the name suggests, they’re… dead kids’ possessed skeletons. Holy SHIT that’s dark.
Wiz: Well uh, we ARE talking about a dude who tricks a child into doing his bidding and then kills him seven years later.
Boomstick: Touche. Other skeleton-y troops consist of Stalfos, reanimated warrior skeletons armed with swords and shields.
Wiz: It’s said that Stalfos are in fact the possessed remnants of brave warriors who died. As a matter of fact, Link himself eventually becomes one… but that’s another story. Stalfos are surprisingly agile, leaping into the sky to avoid danger and crashing down to deliver a counterstrike. Fillling in the magic spots are Poes, who rank amongst Ganon’s forces as a tricky unit with intangibility and a knack for misleading opponents.
Boomstick: He’s also got Wizzrobes. They’re some kind of… bird… thing. With robes. And magic. Wait, does Ganondorf practice tennis with these bird mages?
Wiz: I never thought about it before, but they DO share extremely similar magical attacks. And, speaking of birds, here’s another aerial enemy; the Aeralfos. With powerful wings, shields and bludgeons, Aeralfos make dangerous scout captains and are hard to pin down without a projectile.
Boomstick: Don’t forget their cousins, the Lizalfos. With their flame breath and agility these lizard-people are stronger than the average unit in Ganon’s army.
Wiz: Who is this ‘average’ unit you may ask? Well, even the Demon King has duds in his forces. They are the Chus, which are just blobs of goo that come in a variety of colors.
Boomstick: Not only are they weak as hell and slow, but they actually HELP their opponents by dropping magic or extra health when killed. What the hell? Who actually would want these things on their team?
Wiz: Well, not everything can be as powerful as the Darknut, Ganon’s most elite foot soldier by far. Boasting mighty shields and boomerang swords, the Darknuts are an indominable force not to be reckoned with.
(Cue Gerudo Valley 25th Anniversary Ver.)
Boomstick: Though Darknuts may be the most elite foot soldier, they pale in comparison to Ganondorf’s Boss monsters. Like Gohma, a giant monster spider he created specifically to destroy the Deku Tree from the inside.
Wiz: Then there’s Volvagia, the fire dragon that Ganondorf revived to do his bidding. With scorching flames and aerial mobility, Volvagia works well covering and burning foes to cinders from the sky.
Boomstick: Don’t forget Bongo-Bongo. He’s a giant ghost dude with two jazz-hands and slaps people around like he’s playing a drum! Oh and theres also that watery fish dude thing. Fuck the Water Temple.
Wiz: That’s not all, though. Ganondorf has gained the trust of multiple powerful individuals, such as his surrogate mothers formed into one… Twinrova.
Boomstick: His parents are lesbian witches?
Wiz: Shut up. Ganondorf also commands Phantom Ganon and Dark Link, two dark ghoulish imposters with similar abilities to their copies. Phantom Ganon in particular can create clones and utilizes electricity above all else.
Boomstick: And he can make a shit ton of Dark Links, so that’s cool.
(Cue Ganondorf Battle Wind Waker 25th Anniversary Ver.)
Wiz: Onox the Dark General and the bewitching Veran also lend their alliance to Ganondorf. Onox may seem like a dumb brute, but he’s actually proficient in multiple magical abilities. He can summon forth powerful lightning storms, shapeshift, create magical crystal prisons, control fire, and even turn into a giant dragon.
Boomstick: He works with Veran, the demonic fairy witch. She can freeze people in time, fly, possess others, and whaddya know, she can create Dark Links too!
Wiz: Altogether, Ganondorf’s army is particularly powerful in individual quality, rather than their strengths as a quantity. Even with Ganondorf’s experienced and war-trained mind, he prefers to rush into battle alone mowing down his enemies rather than allow his minions to do all the dirty work.
Boomstick: And his minions also kinda don’t work together best. They shine in their 1-on-1 combat skills, which isn’t a bad thing, but they do lack teamwork.
Wiz: Still, with powerful beasts like Volvagia and Bongo Bongo, and deadly grunts in Onox and Veran, it’s unlikely anyone would survive a full-out war with the Demon King himself.
Ganondorf: Do not think that this ends here… the history of Light and Shadow will be written in blood!
Sauron[]
Wiz: Middle Earth. A land of magic, comradery, and, of course, darkness. Throughout the pages history, though occasionally donning new names, a pure evil haunted the world. Relentless, unending, and deadly, this Shadow over Mordor was none other than the Dark Lord, Sauron.
Boomstick: Strap in folks, THIS backstory’s a doozy.
Wiz: The Necromancer. The Deceiver. The Lord of the Rings. Sauron was not always the bearer of such titles. Once, long, long ago, he was a Maia; angelic-like beings that roamed the earth. In this age, he was known only as Mairon.
Boomstick: Mairon was basically a normal dude, but that changed when he met Melkor. He instantly became intrigued by Melkor’s philosophy… KILL EVERYTHING!
Wiz: Melkor was responsible for creating many of the horrifying creatures that you probably recognize in Middle Earth. From other Maiar, Melkor created Balrogs. Though uh, some became Dragons too.
Boomstick: Although it was Mairon himself who was tasked with turning elves into orcs. Eventually, the Valar, who are basically the Elder Gods, noticed all the shit Melkor was doing and kicked his ass for some good old-fashioned punishment.
Wiz: From this point on, the Maia known as Mairon was no more. He was now Sauron, follower of Melkor, and his story was far from over.
Boomstick: Sauron proved a valuable asset to Melkor, who had survived his godly beat-down, in the upcoming War of the Jewels. His combination of magic and savagery made him a deadly commander on and off the field. Although, when Melkor got beaten AGAIN, he went back to the Valar to beg for forgiveness.
Wiz: Which he backed out of when he realized he couldn’t humble himself before his superiors. From then on, Sauron would be forever trapped in Middle Earth.
Boomstick: Sauron went on to make a name for himself in Mordor. He disguised himself as Annatar, and showed the world how to create Rings of Power. I…. HAVE… THE POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wiz: Er, not quite. From Sauron’s knowledge, Seven Elven rings were forged, along with Nine from Sauron himself. In secrecy, the elves created three more; and finally, Sauron took from himself the One Ring in order to control all the others.
Boomstick: Then he backstabbed him. What else would you expect a villain to do?
Wiz: Now with all the Rings, he distributed them among the Dwarves and Humans. Although the Dwarves would not succumb to his influence, the Humans did. These ring-bearers became known as Nazgul.
Boomstick: Then he went gay for some dude and got him to kill himself after years of undercover work… okay. And then he got his finger chopped off and became an eye. What the hell? This can’t be how the story ends!
Wiz: Well, once the One Ring was dropped into the fires of Mount Doom, it was the end of Sauron. However, since he was arguably at his best after creating the Rings, that’s the point in time we’ll be using for this fight.
Boomstick: Oh, so the time he had a badass battle mace and slick black armor?
Wiz: Correct. Sauron is incredibly powerful and has earned a name for himself for good reason. With just one swing, he can mow down massive numbers of troops. Even the most powerful trolls fall quickly to Sauron’s mace.
Boomstick: Of course, he also wears the One Ring, his trademark weapon. Or, uh, accessory?
Wiz: The Ring of Power has many effects on mortals, but when used by a higher being such as Sauron, it’s true power is revealed. By simply wearing the Ring, Sauron can immensely reduce a person’s willpower without even trying.
Boomstick: It also lets Sauron read his opponent’s minds, apparently. Though he can’t directly strike them there with the Ring, he obviously gains a huge tactical advantage. Oh, what I would do with that power.
Wiz: The Ring also possesses the power of illusion, being able to alter its wearers appearance to all those who gaze upon him.
Boomstick: Apparently it even knows what its subjects are most afraid of, even though Sauron himself has no way of knowing that beforehand. He can also attack people in their minds, or something.
Wiz: However, Sauron crafted the Ring with a failsafe in mind. In case of his ultimate defeat, the Ring would take over and corrupt its new bearers to do Sauron’s bidding. In this way, Sauron’s influence would always live on, regardless of his status.
Boomstick: Sauron is a potent sorcerer as well. Along with his own set of illusive powers, he can also summon god damn meteors from the sky!
Wiz: Judging by their sizes ranging from Sauron’s body to much larger, we estimated them to be about the size of a bus. Seeing as how they appear about 40 feet above Sauron, and are already experiencing atmospheric entry… somehow, we’ve calculated the destructive capability to be 0.41 x 10^-1 MegaTons of TNT.
Boomstick: In English, that means, its fucking strong.
Wiz: Thanks to the handy online program “Impact: Earth”, along with Nukemap, we can see that the meteors Sauron summons would likely wipe out a large chunk of Lower Manhattan in New York City.
Boomstick: Sauron’s packing more than just rocks though. He has a handy group of abilities and skills, such as Dark Lord’s Reach. With his powerful mace, he smashes foes into the ground rendering them immobile.
Wiz: Shadow Walk allows Sauron to blend into the shadows, from which he can then teleport a medium-distance. Though he isn’t intangible, he is invisible when cloaked.
Boomstick: And finally, he has The Lidless Eye, which can unveil all hidden foes in the battlefield and stun them. None can hide from the All-Seeing Eye!
Wiz: With all this power under his belt, it’s no wonder Sauron gained such a massive military force. Under his direct command is the Witch King of Angmar, along with the Ring Wraiths (Nazgul).
Boomstick: He is extremely experienced in combat, having over 3000 years of swordplay under his belt. His best weapon however is the Morgul Blade. With it, he inflicts an extreme toxin upon the opponent, which eventually turns them into his servant. He’s kind of a zombie-ghost.
Wiz: His ethereal body makes him immune to conventional weaponry, and his mere presence has been known to drive fear into all who see him.
Boomstick: Sauron also commands Salad Man, who-
Wiz: Salad Man?
Boomstick: Yeah, you know, the guy with the white hair, bad teeth…
Wiz: You mean SARUMAN?
Boomstick: No, I mean SALAD MAN. God Wiz, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.
Wiz: [sighs]
Boomstick: Anyway, Salad Man is more of an advisor than a battler, but he does have some sick tricks under his sleeve. He has the force, for starters. Come to think of it, he KINDA looks like Count Dooku…
Wiz: Saruman’s skills are more suited toward manipulation, and acting as an emissary of Sauron when the Dark Lord himself is too busy.
Boomstick: But don’t worry, he also has the giant fire-breathing dragon Smaug on his side!
Wiz: Smaug has lived for many years, and though he may not seem it at first, is a ferocious beast hellbent on keeping his territory.
Boomstick: Smaug can easily destroy entire cities with his fire, and his hide is strong enough to shrug off molten gold!
Wiz: As impressive as his hide is, however, he does have a very specific weak spot above his belly. If struck here, Smaug is as good as dead.
Boomstick: Don’t forget that Sauron also has the Nazgul, who are basically untouchable ghost monsters.
Wiz: Well, they can be swept away, but they will always come back shortly. As seen with the account of Aragorn, if a Ringwraith begins to hunt you, it will never stop.
Boomstick; The rest of Sauron’s army consists of his trademark Orcs, along with cave trolls and giant hideous monster spiders.
Wiz: The Orcs wield superior strength to humans, but still die to a sword just as a human does, making them decent foot soldiers. They are enhanced by their war-mounts, the Wargs.
Boomstick: Y’know, the giant wolf-hog beasts. Those.
Wiz: And though Orcs are generally standard foot soldiers, the wargs and Orcs do like up to one Orc in particular: Azog the Defiler.
Boomstick: Azog is 30% Scars, 30% terrifying, 40% pirate, and 100% badass. This guy survived getting his hand chopped off and wields multiple battle scars, yet he is still one of Sauron’s best commanders.
Wiz: Despite being an Orc, Azog is quite cunning. He makes a deadly and tricky field commander, and if engaged in battle could very well prevail thanks to his savagery alone.
Boomstick: So then, if Sauron had all this backing him up, how did he lose so pathetically?
Wiz: Sauron is obviously an elite necromancer, and has a lot of magic spells and abilities to back it up. However, aside from winning a couple of battles… he hasn’t done much of anything.
Boomstick: His battle record is actually pretty bad, having lost three major battles and of course the One-on-One battle in which he lost his finger.
Wiz: His army is also quite uniform and ‘clone-y’. That is to say, they lack defining capabilities because they’re all literally manufactured from the same place.
Boomstick: Not to mention all of his minions, like the Witch King and Smaug, all died to regular humans.
Wiz: Still, Sauron is a master deceiver, and his military force is not to be reckoned with. Defying the Dark Lord could very well be your last mistake.
Sauron: “You cannot hide. I see you. There is no life in the Void. Only death.”
Interlude[]
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!
Pre-Fight[]
LOCATION: MUSHROOM KINGDOM
Within the ruins of the Koopa King’s royal escapade stood the marauder who had claimed countless lives for power. Clad in black armor, emitting waves of darkness as though he were an ocean of negativity, the Demon King cackled as he returned to his human form. The beast he’d slain had required the full might of his powers, but if he were to continue his conquest, the Gerudo would need to conserve his energy.
He was GANONDORF, and the world was his to bask in. This so-called “Mushroom Kingdom” was all but his, yet he wanted more. Ganondorf scoffed at the turtle bones that lie beneath him, and kicked them out of his way as he exited the courtyard. Bowser would be only the first of many necessary casualties in his path for ultimate power.
Ganondorf stomped into the Koopa’s throne room. With each thunderous footstep, less and less Goomba and Koopa Troopa had the heart to stay any longer in the vicinity with the man who killed their leader. Beside Bowser’s throne, Ganondorf discovered a hidden room veiled by an impressive magic barrier. It was evident that Bowser had intended to keep this facility hidden from his lackeys, and for good reason. In the center of the room lie a small, dormant portal, flickering with energy and softly humming. On a desk by the wall, Bowser had kept track of multiple worlds from which he intended to raid. If he had succeeded in keeping the Triforce of Power, he very well could have.
The Demon King peered into the portal; he immediately felt a sense of power coming from the middle. Ganondorf pulled out, and outstretched his hand. Emitting dark waves of energy, he enlarged the portal and discovered the identities of the overlords Bowser was targeting. Dracula. Nightmare. Darth Vader. Shao Kahn. One world in particular caught Ganondorf’s eye; Middle Earth, the home of the One Ring.
Though his first instinct was to leap in and seize the unknown power in Middle Earth, Ganondorf knew better. He stood back, thrusting his arms up, and began his dark incantation. Within seconds, his legion of monsters and lieutenants appeared out of his dark portals, screeching and roaring for battle. Ganondorf had trained them well; though they were rowdy, none would dare advance before the Gerudo Lord himself.
“This power in Middle Earth will elude me no more.” Ganondorf sternly promised. “You fight for me. I AM your ONLY lord. Is that understood?” He questioned, knowing full well the answer beforehand. None of his minions objected.
“Very well. Let us proceed!” With that, the Demon King dashed into the portal, anticipating and hoping to whatever gods he hadn’t killed that the ruler in this world would give him a good battle to remember.
LOCATION: MIDDLE EARTH
Beneath the fiery red skies of Mordor, countless orcs and wargs uniformly handled their gear and weaponry for upcoming battles. The assault on Middle Earth was about to begin; the Dark Lord would inherit the land. His name was SAURON, and Middle Earth belonged to him.
Though he forbade any unwarranted visitors, one poor Orc braved the consequences of trespassing to deliver to Sauron a warning from the Mordor watchmen. Sauron’s breath erupted as though he exhaled magma. The Orc could feel Sauron staring into his being, and though the note was of important military significance, Sauron took the Orc’s life regardless. None were allowed into the throne room of the Necromancer.
Still, Sauron could not deny the incoming attack. The watchmen were unable to identify any of the attackers, curiously enough. Sauron had seen many beasts and overlords in his time, and the prospect of new, unknown marauders almost excited him. Sauron rallied his forces; his voice alone was enough to call his forces to attention. Knowing and having been preparing for battle, Sauron’s forces moved out in military fashion, followed by Sauron at the rear of the army.
LOCATION: FIELD BETWEEN MUSHROOM KINGDOM AND MORDOR
Ganondorf and his forces rained forth like a tidal wave of death. They were ferocious, unwieldy, and unrestrained. Ganondorf had allowed his forces to immediately assault Sauron’s army, and he himself ran amongst them, blades in hand. He lived for the thrill of battle.
As the Demon King’s boots stomped, shaking the earth, Sauron’s forces stood their ground against the ravaging, wild invaders. Sauron maintained his stoic, unemotional stance, motioning his army of Orcs to move forward.
Suddenly, Ganondorf stopped, signaling his forces to halt as well. As Sauron advanced forward, Ganondorf proclaimed, his voice thundering, “SAURON! I HAVE COME FOR THAT WHICH BELONGS TO ME! IF YOU REFUSE TO SURRENDER, THEN PREPARE TO WATCH AS YOUR FORCES CRUMBLE BENEATH MY MIGHT!”
With that, Ganondorf let out a hearty cackle and proceeded toward Sauron’s army. The two Dark Lords knew that everything they dreamed of achieving was on the line. This was a battle neither could lose.
FIGHT![]
The charge lead by Ganondorf stamped out the mud and grim, raging toward the wall of Orcs at Sauron’s command. The first strike belonged to the Wielder of the Triforce, as Ganondorf began to effortlessly mow down orcs and trolls to the wayside. His blades swiftly penetrated and tore apart the manufactured flesh, tearing out their wild organs and ending the beasts’ lives.
Behind him, the Lizalfos and Stalfos leapt maniacally behind him, screeching and flailing blades about. The path forged by Ganondorf allowed his followers safe passage, and with this opening the Aeralfos took flight, scorching even more fodder-orcs.
It would have appeared Ganondorf was winning, but the Dark Lord Sauron was only beginning to play this game. Almost as quickly as they rose, the Aeralfos plummeted to the ground, shot by a volley of Orc archers. The path made by Ganondorf began to narrow as the formation of Orcs enclosed it, cutting off Ganondorf and some troops from the rest of the army.
“If this is your pathetic excuse for strategy, you will not last long.” Ganondorf warned. As orcs circled the Demon King, he tucked his arms into his chest, then unleashed a blizzard of sword swings, embued with magic. Once touched, the orcs froze in place, helpless to avoid the burst of magic Ganondorf then unleashed, obliterating them and puncturing a hole into Sauron’s forces.
Ganondorf’s forces met up with the rest of the army, though by now they were completely engulfed in the heat of battle. Retreat was no longer an option, but it was never an option Ganondorf had considered anyway. From the deepest formations of Sauron’s Army, the Warg riders leapt out above the Orcs. As they crashed onto the dull, rough ground, the Wargs crushed numerous Lizalfos under their weight, though the Stalfos proved too agile to be crushed so easily.
Atop the Wargs rode the Orcs, whose massive strength crushed the lesser Stalchildren beneath their axes. As the commanding Warg rider turned to continue his onslaught, he was met by Ganondorf himself, punching a volley of dark magic toward the squad of Wargs.
Ganon let loose a chuckle, confident in his odds. Though they were well-managed, Sauron’s forces couldn’t hope to harm Ganondorf as is. As the Demon King rushed his way through the mad carnage, his pace was suddenly halted.
“SHRING!” The blade hissed as it struck and stabbed Ganondorf’s shoulder. He hardly felt the sting of the invisible blade; he was more concerned with his enemy wielding unseeable units. With no way to unveil the shrouded marauders, Ganondorf launched a wave of dark magic, wiping out formations of Sauron’s orcs, and, though he had no way to tell, also wounded the Ring Wraith that had assaulted him.
“Now.” Sauron ordered. At the command, a squadron of Orcs fell back. Ganondorf, too busy enjoying the slaughter, continued to mow past countless Orcs and Trolls. From the flaming pits of Mt. Doom, a roar filled the air.
From the sky, a leviathan beast filled the air. Ganondorf finally broke from his slaughtering, and noticed the dragon Smaug.
“You are mere insects! Burn before my master, Sauron!” the dragon roared. Smaug threw his head back, calling forth the flames in his stomach to push out; he unleashed a scorching rain of flames upon Ganon’s forces, instantly incinerating countless Aeralfos and roasting Darknuts in their armor.
Ganondorf himself was ultimately caught in one of Smaug’s blasts, enflaming an entire faction of Ganon’s forces with him. From the rear of Ganon’s army yelled a voice, deep and commanding.
“YOU DO NOT TOUCH MY MASTER!” It warned. The giant, heaving Onox stomped past Ganon’s forces, shaking the very earth as he ran. He leapt up, levitating through the air. Though he could not hope to touch Smaug with his battle axe, he instead summoned fierce bolts of lightning to attack the draconic interloper.
With a startling “KRAKOOOOOOOM!” the sky filled with vicious lightning bolts. Smaug instinctively evaded them, but was far too heavy and slow to dodge for long. The massive electrical assault practically fried Smaug’s brains, disorienting him and sending him plummeting to the battlefield below.
Onox grinned for a moment, but then realized that Ganondorf was right below Smaug. Sauron watched, deep in thought. Smaug was not his heaviest card to play, but he was rather concerned with how easily the dragon fell to his foes.
The Dark General Onox rushed to the ground, chasing behind Smaug in hopes of catching the dragon before decimating Ganon’s forces. He was too late, and Smaug crushed into the earth, cracking the ground and sending rocks flying all throughout the area. Below Smaug was Ganondorf.
Onox stood beside the weakened dragon, in disbelief that his master would die so easily. He was correct. Smaug groaned in pain, barely alive after impact of falling countless miles from the sky. Suddenly, a “RIIIIIP” was heard, and Onox noticed immense amounts of blood pouring from Smaug’s belly.
Out of the Dragon’s underside walked out Ganon, covered in ash and blood. He was none too pleased with having been scorched and then having a dragon fall on him. He grunted, wanting to reprimand his underling for letting the beast drop; but, after all, Onox HAD basically killed the dragon on his own. Rather proud of his work, Onix grinned a crack and stormed off to obliterate more orcs.
Sauron bore no expression at Smaug’s demise; he merely gestured to bring in his next card, Azog. As the legion of Wargs stomped through Ganon’s forces, a pale white Orc commanded the faction amongst his huge steed. He bore only one hand; the other replaced by a shoddy claw, and his face revealed the evidence of past battles.
Azog was mighty, but still within the realm of orc limitations. His rampage was impressive; his axe cut through even the strongest of Darknut soldiers; but his power was largely unnoticed by Ganon or any of his commanders. All except one.
He had been waiting behind the frontlines for battle, and now that Azog was running amok with no one to stop him, Twinrova stepped in to prove her worth.
Azog had just slain a lizalfos with ease when the two witches appeared beside him. “Trying to slip past Lord Ganon’s sight, are we?” The witches mocked. Azog merely grunted, and turned his blade upon the enchantresses.
He raised his axe and swiped, though Twinrova was far too quick for the orc to strike. He continued thrusting his blade, furiously throwing all his strength into each swipe. If he had been focusing on other enemies, he may have wiped out the entire Darknut legion.
“Poor little orc!” Twinrova taunted. “Let’s put you out of your misery!”
Twinrova flew above the pale beast, twirling around and chanting encantations. She aimed her palms at the orc and fired a beam of fire and ice. Azog was helpless to evade the elemental assault; his body burned to a frosty crisp almost instantly. Twinrova merely laughed and floated away, leaving the feared orc to be smashed into ash by a Stalfos.
By now, Volvagia and Bongo-Bongo had entered the battlefield as well. None of Sauron’s beasts could hope to contend with the serpent or the invisible beast now that Smaug was dead. Beside Sauron’s side at the helm of his forces, Saruman pondered the situation.
“The enemy is advancing far too quickly, milord. At this rate I don’t believe success is possible.” He grimly reported. Sauron turned, suddenly filled with an untapped rage never seen before by the old wizard. He grabbed Saruman by the throat, and growled, “Never believe my power to be anything less than absolute.” He tossed Saruman aside, and stepped onto the battlefield from his warg.
Now in full-action, Sauron began to lead his army, smashing his mace into Lizalfos and Stalfos. The impact obliterated them; any who didn’t burst into bloody bits were hurled far over the field of battle.
(Cue Face a Crisis)
Sauron came face-to-face with Volvagia, who had been wiping out concerning amounts of orcs with no one to stop him. The Wielder of the One Ring fearlessly raised his mace, even as the serpent unleashed his fire breath.
The flames merely warmed the dark lord, who continued his swing unscathed. He smashed his mace into Volvagia’s head, crushing his brain into mush instantly. The dragon went limp, and its corpse sprawled across the battlefield.
The next immediate threat was the invisible beast, Sauron concluded. He raised his palm, unleashed a wave of light that illuminated the entire battlefield. Instantly, Bongo-Bongo was revealed to Sauron’s army. With no need for command, nearly the entire force of Sauron’s orcs leeched onto Bongo-Bongo’s body, smashing their many blades and axes into his skin.
Ganondorf’s forces were frozen with fear; they suddenly lost the will to stop Sauron’s forces from assaulting Bongo-Bongo and stood in place cowering. All except Ganondorf, Twinrova, Onox, and Veran, that is.
Ganondorf’s attention was now on Sauron. Finally, the leader was revealing himself. He turned to charge at Sauron, still miles away; until a slash stopped him in his tracks.
Once again the Ringwraiths intended to protect their leader from Ganondorf. “I have no time for those too cowardly to show themselves!” Ganon growled. He raised his palms, creating portals from the ground. From the other-worldly gateways entered four Dark Links and Phantom Ganon. He turned to them, and commanded them to handle the un-seeable interlopers.
Ganondorf twirled his dual blades, reaffirming his grip on the weapons of destruction. He began to march, steady yet heavily toward Sauron. His rival did the same, sending his dark gaze deep into Ganondorf. As the mass of orcs slaughtered Bongo-Bongo, Veran, Onox and Twinrova worked to pick off the distracted legions. Dark Links and Phantom Ganon dueled the otherworldly wraiths.
All that was left was Ganon and Sauron. As the two began to near each other, Ganondorf roared, “Now, show me all the power you possess! Make this a battle worth remembering!”
The Gerudo King dashed forward, his heavy boots smashing into the ashy soil of Mordor. Sauron stopped marching, taking the defensive stance at seeing Ganondorf’s offense. He raised his mace, and swung it across his chest. The mace cracked through the air, colliding with one of Ganondorf’s black blades.
Ganondorf pushed against the mace with his enhanced might, nearly slicing the handle wide open. Sauron knew he was no match physically, and instead dropped the mace; the Gerudo pushed forward, losing balance from the technique.
Sauron turned, and raised his hand. As Ganondorf turned himself back around, he came to face a barrage of meteors. Too late to stop the attack, Ganon shielded himself with his dual swords.
“WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”
The impact of the meteors created a deep crater, as though it were a lake bed that had dried up. In the center of the impact, Ganondorf kneeled. His armor was now beginning to fall apart, and his blades has blown away somewhere in the blast.
Sauron walked slowly into the crater, when Ganondorf raised his palms. He summoned a sphere of energy, then punched the orb into multiple projectiles. The Terror of Middle Earth was helpless to defend against the onslaught of energy.
Ganon teleported, covering the distance between the two in an instant. He raised his fist, and smashed it into Sauron’s’ chest. He began to grip and then tear off bits and chunks of armor. The Demon King continued thrusting his fists into Sauron; his face, his stomach, anything he could reach.
Sauron keeled over, clearly overwhelmed by the assault. Ganondorf raised his foot, and planted his boot with the force of a rocket into Sauron’s helmet. The Necromancer launched back, his armor busted and tearing into his skin in multiple places. Ganondorf stepped back, though still above Sauron, and began a gesture with his arms. He motioned them around each other, purple magic forming around his hands.
“GYAH!!!!!” Ganondorf yelled. He unleashed his Warlock Punch on Sauron, obliterating Sauron’s armor and launching him clear out of the crater.
Ganondorf, assuming the battle won, cackled and crossed his arms. Sauron was still living; but barely. He knew he had only one option left.
Sauron stumbled to his feet, and cloaked himself in darkness. Now hidden from sight, he gazed into Ganondorf’s mind.
“None can hide from my sight.” Sauron gazed into Ganondorf’s mind, staring at the memories and thoughts of the dark overlord. In his mind, a darkness cloaked his thoughts. Despite the natural shroud of blackness in Ganon’s mind, Sauron peered into his deepest memories.
Sauron gazed intently as Ganondorf pictured himself standing above everyone, ruling absolutely and unchallenged. On his hand, the Ring rested, and Ganon bore other artifacts as well. There would be no weakness to exploit here; Ganondorf had only one fear, and Sauron knew not who or how to recruit the green-clad warrior to his cause.
Instead, the Necromancer turned and gazed into the minds of Ganon’s forces. The immense sense of fear was immediately noticeable; all of his troops shared a singular fear of Ganondorf’s ambition and power. Deep down, they all knew that one day he would have no need for them. Even the less intelligible creatures, like the Stalfos, lived in fear of Ganondorf’s growing power.
With this, Sauron found something to exploit. He stood, projecting the illusion of Ganondorf with absolute power.
“AT LAST!” The illusion cried. “ABSOLUTE… POWER!” Instantly, Ganondorf’s troops (and even Sauron’s as well) turned and gazed upon the projection. Sauron’s illusion of the Gerudo bore the full Triforce, along with the Ring of Power and other artifacts Sauron had seen in Ganondorf’s mind.
Sauron motioned the illusion to attack Ganon’s troops, which instantly flipped the switch in their minds; their worst fears had come true.
Even Onox, the devout follower of Ganondorf, failed to plea with his master. He immediately awoke his draconic form and flew toward the false Ganon.
Meanwhile, the real Ganondorf had realized that the Ring of Power was missing. Knowing that he required it for obtaining full power, he began to search for the ring until he exited the crater and noticed Sauron’s magic at play.
Immediately, Sauron noticed Ganondorf and shut off his illusion. Ganondorf himself was now the focus of two armies, and soon they were both upon him. Despite being horribly outnumbered, Ganondorf grinned and faced his traitorous faction and sworn enemy alike. All at once, the two armies swarmed him; indeed, most grunts killed themselves in the frenzy while trying to slay Ganon. Only a few managed to actually get near him, and very less harm him.
-Break for a moment in silence-
Eventually, however, even Ganondorf’s magic could not fight off two armies. He was overcome by the sheer number of grunts and seemingly perished beneath the thousands of blades and weight. Sauron stood, considering the applications of having so many new troops under his command.
Those thoughts were quickly dashed as a beastly “GRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAH!” filled the air. The bulk of Sauron’s troops hurled into the air, helpless as though they were ragdolls. From the center of the destruction lie a black portal-like substance, dripping and oozing with dark magic.
From it rose a horned, pig-like beast. The creature roared, its crimson red mane flowing in the dry winds of Mordor. With a single swipe, the beast’s claws rendered right through the entire faction of Sauron’s troops.
Sauron instinctively turned to flee. He cloaked himself in darkness, and began to slip away when the giant beast noticed Sauron had been missing. With a mighty roar and a ground-shaking pound, the boar ruined Sauron’s focus and unveiled his cloak.
Now in sight of the beast Ganon, Sauron had no choice but to stand his ground. Ganon knew only one thing in this primal rage – death. Sauron raised his palm to summon meteors, but was far too slow. Ganon swept up Sauron with one bloody paw, and raised the necromancer to his horns.
Ganon let loose one last roar, then shoved Sauron into his horn, impaling the dark overlord completely. Ganon ran and ran, shaking the earth with every mighty step. The beast at last reached the base of Mt. Doom, and slammed itself into the indominable wall.
The beast cackled in its demonic tone, then began to revert back to its humanoid form. Beneath the beast lie Sauron, bloodied, mangled and broken. As Ganondorf stood above his adversary, the Demon King cackled and reached out to the fallen necromancer.
“Disappointing. But you can at least die knowing that your power will have made me that much stronger.” Ganon taunted. He lifted Sauron by the neck, then crushed his throat with his mighty hands as though he were squeezing a grape.
Sauron flopped to the ground, dead. The Gerudo king triumphantly claimed his prize; the One Ring. Satisfied with his victory, he inserted the Ring on his finger and opened a portal to return to his castle in the Mushroom Kingdom. This was only the first of many conquests to be had.
Results[]
Boomstick: Geez, Ganondorf is fucking savage!
Wiz: Though Ganondorf did come out on top, Sauron gave him a surprisingly difficult challenge. Physically, it was no contest; Ganon easily beat Sauron even before factoring in the gauntlets and his beast form. However, Sauron did prove a threat with his psychological and magical warfare.
Boomstick: Right. Sauron had his illusions, which were actually really dangerous. With the power to see inside minds, he could easily take advantage of every one of Ganondorf’s troops’ fears and turn them against their leader.
Wiz: And though he may not be able to defeat Ganondorf in close combat, he is durable enough to take out some notable threats like Volvagia. After all, he too survived being burned by a dragon just like Ganondorf.
Boomstick: Though he had plenty of tricks and magic to mess with Ganondorf, nothing Sauron had could really kill him, even when NOT factoring in Ganondorf’s weakness to holy weapons.
Wiz: On the other hand, Ganondorf is far stronger, being able to overpower Link and effortlessly shatter granite pillars. His magic is deadlier, being able to kill any target over time or just banishing them to a gap between realms. And durability-wise, Ganondorf could survive all of Sauron’s attacks.
Boomstick: Except maybe the meteors, but Ganon’s beast form would take out Sauron before that even becomes a problem anyway.
Wiz: Even Ganondorf’s army trumped Sauron’s. While Sauron’s army was better organized and trained, Ganondorf’s higher-up forces like Onox, Veran, Twinrova and Phantom Ganon easily obliterated Sauron’s entire force bar perhaps the Ringwraiths.
Boomstick: But wait, what about the Ring? Isn’t it going to take over Ganondorf’s mind and drive him crazy?
Wiz: Eh, maybe, but Sauron himself is dead and that’s what matters I guess.
Boomstick: Er, alright. I guess the ‘ol Necromancer is gonna be feeling pretty SAUR from here ON out.
Wiz: The winner is Ganondorf.
NEXT TIME and MORE[]
And hey, if you haven't already, you should totally read my last fight, Lucina Vs. Crono, and my DBX Series! It would really mean a lot to me!