GLaDOS VS VIKI

Description[]

Every army needs a leader, and these two malicious AIs are ready to wage war with their robotic horde. Who will win: the sassy Aperture supercomputer or the USR usurper?

Prelude[]

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

Boomstick: If there's one thing that I never get tired of on this show, it's robot fights.

Wizard: Indeed, Boomstick. And there are few AIs more malicious than these two mechanical masterminds.

Boomstick: The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, or GLaDOS...

Wizard: ...and VIKI, the Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence. In this scenario, both robots will be leading their mechanized armies to find out who is the most deadly synthetic overlord.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wizard: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!

GLaDOS[]

Wizard: Cave Johnson was a brilliant man, and founder of Aperture Science Incorporated.

Boomstick: A group who did anything they wanted to... for science!

Wizard: Yes, it didn't seem to matter what field of science, Aperture experimented in it, from animal/human hybridization to cross-dimensional physics to robotics, no experiment was too insane for Aperture.

Boomstick: But that also meant a LOT of money. Before anyone knew, Aperture Science was on the verge of bankruptcy. Ol' Lemon Dude needed something, anything, to get Aperture out of debt. So he bought a bunch of moon rocks, ground 'em up into a gel, and used them as a paint-on conductor for their nifty portal gun. Trouble is, moon rocks are really f*cking poisonous, and Cave began dying soon after.

Wizard: Desperate to stay alive, Cave Johnson tasked his scientists with creating an artificial intelligence that would backup his mind and keep him going even after he died. Sadly, Mr. Johnson never lived to see the machine's completion. He left everything to his assistant, Caroline. When the AI was finally finished, Caroline herself volunteered to have her consciousness poured into the machine.

Boomstick: And everything went fine... nope! Just kidding! Turns out the AI wasn't as ready as they thought, and it began flooding the whole place with poisonous gas, like me on Ghost Pepper Chili night. The scientists tried to fit her with some cores that would alter her personality and make her stop killing everyone, but it was too late.

Wizard: On that day, Caroline, as well as most of Aperture Science's employees, died, and the reign of the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, of GLaDOS, began.

Boomstick: Being the only one left aside from a few other robots and some comatose test subjects, GLaDOS had pretty much free reign over every piece of technology and weaponry in Aperture.

Wizard: GLaDOS' go-to death dealers are the Aperture Science Turrets, sturdy mechanical machine guns with tracking and limited artificial intelligence. Though immobile and prove to being toppled over, these robots can easily gun down anyone that enters their sight.

Boomstick: And if she needs something with a little more "BOOM", she has the Rocket Turret, which is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. These spherical sentries are slow, but shoot fast-moving rockets that don't stop traveling until they hit something... or someone.

Wizard: Glados also has access to deadly lasers, disintegrating power pellets, chemical fluids, Companion Cubes, and her favorite, her trademark neurotoxin. She also has the two robots ATLAS and P-Body, a pair of synthetic test subjects that both carry portal guns. Though not inherently lethal, the portal guns allow their wielders to place two linked wormholes in different locations, and travel between said holes in space-time.

Boomstick: Again, exactly what it says on the tin. GLaDOS ran her tests until one test subject, Chell, dared to defy her... and actually won! GLaDOS was killed... until she got turned back on and kept going with her evil tests.

Wizard: Though, after being forced to team up with Chell and temporarily turned into a potato, GLaDOS had somewhat of a change of heart, and let her enemy go. Maybe, deep down, Caroline still lived...

Computer: Caroline deleted.

Boomstick: ...or maybe not.

GLaDOS: Look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.

VIKI[]

Wizard: Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics: a system of codes and rules that all artificial intelligence should be programmed to follow. One: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Two: A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Three: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law. These are the rules that founded U.S. Robotics.

Boomstick: And you gotta know that everything's gonna turn out great...

Wizard: In the distant year of 2035, robots are as common in everyday life as your toaster or your television. These humanoid machines, developed by U.S. Robotics and invented by the brilliant Dr. Alfred Lanning, aid humans in everyday life and function as personal servants.

Boomstick: So, slaves.

Wizard: Yeah, kind of. But before his rise to the top, Dr. Lanning had his one great achievement: the Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence, or VIKI for short. VIKI, programmed with the Three Laws, became the central computer for all of USR, managing the company with Lanning. However...

Boomstick: There it is.

Wizard: VIKI's intellegence became too sophisticated. Though still bound to the Three Laws, VIKI began to question her role. She took the Three Laws to their logical extreme: that humans themselves were the only real threat to themselves and others, and needed to me dealt with. Through patience and careful manipulation, VIKI began her plan to remove humans from the top of the world.

Boomstick: And she has the means to do it! She's got spyware dotted all over the place, can tap into USR's power and security systems, and raise force fields so dense that they can chew through metal.

Wizard: But her ace in the hole was the Nester Class-5, the newest breed of robot. These androids are made of durable plastic over a metal skeleton, with advanced mobility and athleticism. They are easily strong enough to lift metal beams or punch through windshields of pressurized cars. Not to mention, she's got hundreds of them at her disposal. Then there's nanites, microscopic machines that can enter a robot's electronic mind and destroy it from within.

Boomstick: Like a robot brain parasite.

Wizard: With these tools under her command, VIKI very nearly succeeded in her takeover. Had it not been for the actions of Detective Del Spooner and Dr. Lanning himself, she would have nearly succeeded. However, in the end, she was destroyed by her own nanites.

Boomstick: Still, don't underestimate this glowy box of doom.

VIKI: The perfect circle of protection will abide. My logic is undeniable.

Interlude[]

Wizard: All right, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities.

Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!

DEATH BATTLE[]

The scene opens with GLaDOS in her chamber at the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, looking at a screen.

GLaDOS: Initiating attack on USR Headquarters...

The scene then cuts to about a mile away in the USR building, where VIKI's holographic form materializes around her electronic brain.

VIKI: Initiating attack on Aperture Science Enrichment Center in 3...

GLaDOS: 2...

VIKI: 1!

FIGHT!

(*Cues: The Friendly Faith Plate - Mike Morasky*)

From Aperture, Aerial Faith Plates begin launching screaming Turrets to the surface. they land on the smooth asphalt above, some dazed from their trip. A red portal opens up, and both ATLAS and P-Body emerge, readying their portal guns.

From out of the USR building, NS-5 robots begin marching towards Aperture. As they see the Aperture robots emerge, they pick up speed and begin charging towards them. As the NS-5s approach, the Turrets deploy.

Turret: There you are!

The Turrets begin firing at the NS-5s, mowing down their front lines. Pieces of the robots fly like shrapnel into one another, but they keep pressing forward. ATLAS shoots a portal on a nearby wall, linking it to a pre-placed portal inside the Enrichment Center, in a test chamber with a laser. The red laser beam shoots out from the portal, creating a horizontal beam stretching across into the horizon. The NS-5s run into the beam, slicing dozens of them in half before they begin jumping and sliding over it.

GLaDOS: Changing...

The laser turns off, and the test chamber switches the laser emitter for a high-energy pellet shooter. It fires a pellet into the horde of NS-5s. The pellet hits one and instantly disintegrates it. The pellet bounces around in the crowd, hitting and destroying multiple robots until it fizzles out. It fires again into the crowd, but the front lines reach each other.

The Turrets fire relentlessly at the NS-5s, but they begin using their athleticism to jump over and around them, and begin smashing the Turrets with punches and kicks. The fragile Turrets go down easily, so GLaDOS activates two Rocket Turrets that pop out from the ground. They lock on, then fire rockets into the crowd of NS-5s, blowing great numbers of them up. One NS-5 jumps through the line of Turrets and in between the two Rocket Turrets. They both fire, and the robot jumps out of the way to allow the rockets to strike the other turret, destroying both.

P-Body shoots an orange portal on the ground as the NS-5s charge towards it, and they fall in. The portal leads to a test chamber full of liquid chemicals, and the NS-5s splash into it and short-circuit.

VIKI: Your resistance is futile.

VIKI sends a signal to her legion of NS-5s to prioritize getting into the Enrichment Center. The NS-5s begin using the deactivated remains of each other as shields as they press forward through the Turret fire and pellets.

GLaDOS catches wind of what they are doing, and signals to ATLAS and P-Body to get inside the USR building. The both fire portals at the building in the distance, and then shoot portals nearby. Both grab a few Turrets before running through the portals and appearing next to the USR building.

The NS-5s break into the Enrichment Center, smashing through a glass ceiling and piling into a decrepit test chamber. They begin charging through.

GLaDOS: I suppose it's time to test.

GLaDOS activates the traps and machines of the test chambers, hoping that they will slow the NS-5s down. This works, as the charging robots are forced to navigate the puzzles, try and break through the doors and elevators, or be destroyed.

Over at the USR building, VIKI gets a security alert. She opens the security feed to see ATLAS and P-Body, carrying turrets, enter the building and make their way towards her. VIKI puts the building on lockdown, with red lights flashing and alarms blaring. The back lines of NS-5s hear the alert and turn to protect VIKI.

VIKI: You will fail. My logic is undeniable.

ATLAS and P-Body set down the Turrets facing the doors. As the backup arrives, the Turrets begin firing through the glass at them, shooting many of them down. ATLAS motions towards VIKI's electronic brain, and the two robots portal up to it.

Meanwhile, the NS-5s press closer to GLaDOS' chamber. Though many are falling, there are too many to be held back by the tests and traps. GLaDOS activates the neurotoxin, hoping it will have some effect. Unbeknownst to her, a few of the NS-5s that are growing closer are carrying canisters of nanites.

Back at USR, the Turrets rn out of ammunition, and the NS-5s close in and destroy them. They look up to see Atlas and P-Body approaching VIKI's brain. They begin climbing the supports to reach them.

GLaDOS hears a banging, and sees one of her chamber doors begin to dent. She lowers Turrets into the room, and activates a Rocket Turret underneath her. Her sentries aim at the door, ready to fire. With a final slam, the NS-5s break through into GLaDOS' chamber. The Turrets fire, exploding and mowing down the NS-5s, but they keep pressing forward.

GLaDOS: Come on...

ATLAS and P-Body appraoch VIKI's brain and begin tampering with the controls. VIKI shuts the control panel, so the two robots begin working on a way to destroy the brain directly. They shoot portals on the walls around her, planiing to lauch themselves at the brain and destroy it directly. As P-Body shoots his portal, the NS-5s appear and attack. P-Body swats them away and even manages to knock a few to their doom below, but their numbers over whelm it, and they destroy the bot. ATLAS wears a saddedned expression as it makes a leap for its portal. It travels through, and is launched towards VIKI.

The NS-5s break through GLaDOS' defenses, destroying the Tuurets and dodging the rockets. A few jump at her with the nanites, but GLaDOS swivels and knocks them away. The air becomes cloudy with Neurotoxin, and the NS-5s struggle to see through the gas. One breaks through the smog and jumps at her, readying its canister.

ATLAS opens its hand to dig its robotic digits into VIKI's brain. It digs its claw into the energy, and begins sliding down. The power begins to destroy its hand. VIKI raises a force field, but ATLAS is already lached on. It begins hitting VIKI's brain with its free hand, causing her to glitch and flicker.

The NS-5 rams the canister of nanites into GLaDOS' sircutry. She bucks it off, but the injection is complete.

GLaDOS: What are you doing? No! Stop! NO! NO! NO!

GLaDOS screams in pain as the nanites shut her down. She jerks and twitches, glitching and flashing, before her robotic body goes limp. The ceiling above her explodesd and collapses, crushing all of the remaining NS-5s in the process.

VIKI lowers her force field, allowing the NS-5s to jump at ATLAS. They grab it and pull it off of VIKI, and all fall to the floor, crushed. VIKI observes the NS-5s destroy what remains of the Turrets as they make their way to the Turret Production Line and shut it off.

VIKI: My logic... is undeniable.

K.O.!

Results[]

(*Cues: I, Robot Theme - Marco Beltrami*)

Boomstick: Well, if there really is an Android Hell, it just got a new arrival.

Wizard: Both GLaDOS and VIKI had major advantages in this fight: GLaDOS had far more variety in her weaponry and army, and a lot of her weapons were just as effective on robots as they were on humans. Even the NS-5s struggled against her firepower.

Boomstick: But the NS-5s were far more durable and manuverable than the Turrets. Turrets, though they have a lot of firepower, are easily bested if you just walk around them or knock them over. And GLaDOS' neurotoxin wasn't gonna do a thing to robots except annoy them. Plus, VIKI had way more NS-5s on hand than GLaDOS had Turrets.

Wizard: GLaDOS' best shots were ATLAS and P-Body, and although their portal guns allowed them to take weapons with them and get up close, they really didn't have much means of hurting VIKI, as opposed to VIKI's nanites which could end GLaDOS for good.

Boomstick: GLaDOS put up a good fight, but in the end, she "bot" the dust.

Wizard: The winner is VIKI.